More than 2 years ago, I began to regularly travel to nursing homes and constantly communicate with my grandparents.

For myself, I regard this period as one in which the doors to a treasury of wisdom, knowledge and experience opened for me.

My grandparents are long gone, but I remember my period of life with them as sunny and filled with childish joy, because as long as your grandparents exist, you are grandchildren!

How wonderful it is to be a grandson! There are so many interesting things you can discover and learn! It is important to simply ask and talk. Talk...

About your family and parents. It is your grandparents who will tell you many interesting stories about your family. Who did what, where they lived, etc.

I'm sure it will be an entertaining story. For example, my grandmother whispered that we were from the Tereshchenko family.

She said that we need to remember this. She loved to remember how strict her great-grandfather was, about the book that described our family, everyday life and much more, which she had to burn in the oven because of the communists.

And I’m so sorry that she passed away when I was still in 2nd grade and then I just listened to these stories like a fairy tale. It's hard to restore anything now.

It is grandmothers who will be able to tell the most entertaining stories and facts about your parents that you may not even know about.

Talk to grandma about fashion. She will tell you about the styles of that time, how they sewed dresses themselves, and will argue and criticize the fashion of today - calling it shameless. But still, two women will always find a common language on this topic.

About love. Grandmothers are more outspoken on this topic than grandfathers. Just don't talk about husbands! About the grooms. Many grandmothers did not live to see their husbands after the war and remained widows for the rest of their lives.

And everyone had suitors, and every grandmother will happily remember them and keep it secret with you.

Recipes and kitchen. It’s a mystery to me - how can you know so many recipes? Our grandmothers did not have Google, the Internet and beautiful colorful books with step-by-step instructions, like you and I, so each recipe was “worked out” for years, or even decades.

Write down and learn how to cook grandma's pancakes, dumplings, pies and cherry jam. You won't find this in any Michelin restaurant.

Study and education. Not all of our grandparents had the opportunity to study. But some still studied and they will remember their school years with pleasure.

And you will tell me how it was or is for you. You can solve a crossword puzzle together, play checkers or chess.

Grandfathers love to teach how to play chess. Buy and bring them some board game.

Important people. Both your grandparents will be happy to tell you about this. Almost everyone has met a “very important person” in their life and is proud of it.

Ask how and why? They will remember with joy and in all details that moment of their life.

War. This topic is complex. Many grandfathers suffered and were injured, and grandmothers became widows. But it is also relevant in our time, when military operations are taking place in the country in the Donbass.

Be careful, it revives not the most pleasant memories, but when you turn the conversation to its end, grandfather’s back immediately straightens and pride shines on his face. They love to talk about Victory Day.

There can be a lot of topics for conversation. Any questions about the past take them back to their youth at the time of the conversation. Therefore, it is very important to spend time on such conversations and give grandparents this feeling of “need”, “interesting” and joy.

There are some tips on how to talk to older people.

You must remember that at this age they may have health problems that make talking and understanding difficult. For example, poor hearing. Therefore, you should speak a little louder to make everyone feel comfortable.

Speak as clearly as possible and make eye contact.

Use clear and precise questions and sentences.

Take your grandfather or grandmother by the hand - this contact is very important for them!

You are the closest and dearest person to them. You will see with what trepidation they will hold your hand, and grandma may even try to kiss it.

Do you know what else is important for older people?

To know that they did not live their lives in vain and it is so important for them to hear “thank you” from you for their care, even if it was not as much as you would like. Don't judge, but love.

Having communicated with a large number of grandparents in nursing homes, I can say with confidence that the answer to one question is important for everyone: “What have I done in my life and is there anything to respect, love and remember me for?”

Yes, this is the question that people most often ask themselves at the end of their lives.

Think about it. We still have time to live our lives in such a way that the answer to this question is worthy.

Grandparents in nursing homes are a pain. Often they do not have grandchildren or relatives; no one will say “thank you” to them. They leave with a stone in their souls and without much joy.

I understand very well that there is a shortcoming in our society that we all have begun to work on - this is the attitude towards older people.

Somehow we missed this in our education, in the formation of values ​​in society. But it's never too late to realize this and start correcting the situation.

Right now - dial your grandma or grandpa and ask, “How are you?” and listen carefully to the answer.

If they are no longer with you, as in my case, let’s go together to a nursing home. After all, this is not our past - this is our future! And it’s important to think about this today.

Olga Bondarenko , Gtin benefit fund Let's help, project" One day's old age"

Title photo photography33/

How to communicate correctly with grandparents

Dan Zadra told Time magazine that the depth of questions a child can ask his grandparents depends on his age. He advises parents to teach their offspring to formulate these questions correctly and to help the youngest members of the family understand the oldest, learn their stories and compare them with their own.

Children of primary school age They can ask grandparents questions like: “What was your room like as a child?”, “What kind of pet did you have?”, “Where did you spend your childhood?” According to the writer, a child can receive fascinating answers to these questions, which in turn will help strengthen the connection between generations.

For high school students Zadra advises asking your grandparents more personal, emotional questions. For example: “Who was your first best friend?”, “What was your first job?”, “What would you like to do differently if you had the chance?” and so on.

High school students However, according to the writer, they are suitable for the role of grateful listeners of family stories - as soon as they ask something that really interests them, their grandparents will immediately remember the story from their youth. The task of grown-up children is not to interrupt them or interrupt them, but to remember their words.

Universal advice for children of all ages Zadra considers the use of journalistic cunning when communicating with the older generation, whose representatives are often reticent. He advises asking more clarifying questions: “What do you mean?”, “Give an example,” “Explain why this is so?”

The author of the advice emphasizes that this approach to communicating with grandparents will help to establish a connection with them not only for children, but also for their parents, who may have forgotten some family stories, or perhaps did not know them at all.

Grandmothers often dote on their grandchildren. Gifts, walks, treats, sometimes even ignoring parental prohibitions. But does such a relationship with grandchildren benefit the family?

Consulting psychologist and grandmother of a beautiful granddaughter Lyudmila Shepeleva talks about how to enjoy communication with your grandchildren without pulling the blanket over yourself.

I saw a mother’s question on Facebook about how the child would not leave his grandmother’s side, and the grandmother accused the mother of being jealous. In short, women are confused. I'm a grandmother myself. It's been a little over three years now. And I love my granddaughter Eva very much, and I’m ready to see her hundreds of times a week. Trouble with outrages, play hide and seek, build towers, knock down Christmas trees and laugh the way only she can laugh.

More often we see each other on Skype, and when I don’t come to the children for a long time, I’m overwhelmed by the obsession that the girl might get out of the habit of me, forget me, and treat me like a stranger. Therefore, the desire to fly in and fill all its space is understandable. BUT!

I understand that my number is number two. Initially and always. Number one is mom and dad.

My number two is common sense if I want my kids to be happy.

My number two is a way to avoid stupid competition for Eve's love.

My number two is the understanding that the girl did not come into this world so that I could correct the mistakes in raising my own child and make me happy.

My number two is accepting children’s approaches in raising their own child, and not imposing my “invaluable” experience.

Of course, grandmothers are the most experienced mothers. But they should not forget that this experience will not fall on young mothers and fathers. If they ask, I will answer, show, teach. Are they going their own way? Great! I'll look, ask, and learn.

Life has changed a lot. I was taught to feed the child semolina porridge, be sure to serve him bread, not to travel anywhere with him for two years, and to put him to sleep, rocking him to sleep. Eva travels with her parents and falls asleep while lying in her crib listening to Anechka’s quiet lullaby or her son reading a fairy tale.

Being number two does not mean eliminating. This only indicates the degree of influence of the grandmother on the baby’s life. I am always ready to be there, but without imposing my decisions regarding the upbringing of the girl, without overshadowing the importance of the parents and understanding that they remain the main educators.

In addition, I understand how IMPORTANT it is to agree on what rules I will not break under any circumstances: how to feed the child, how to talk to him, how to dress him, when to put him to bed, what to punish and reward for. After all, mom and dad spend most of the time with the child. Therefore, there is no need to disturb them. And every adult must consciously accept everything you discuss.

At the same time, I know that everyone needs to be consistent: if mom prohibits something, then grandma shouldn’t allow it on the sly.

I always remember that children really appreciate my help. I also understand that she cannot harm: there should be peace and tranquility in the family, and normal relations between all of us.

When I see Eva running to meet mom or dad and hanging on them, completely forgetting about me, I quietly rejoice. After all, their love, care, and affection give her a feeling of security, relieve her of irrational fears in the future, form adequate self-esteem and self-confidence, encourage creativity, and program her for success.

It happens that something goes wrong in the family: nervousness between grandmothers and parents, the child reacts inappropriately to one of you, cries when one of you leaves... Sit down and talk. Discuss your approaches. Say what you like and what you will never accept. Agree on the rules of interaction. I'm not discovering America. It's obvious. True, more often people remain silent and move further away from each other.

By the way. It seems to me that being a real parent means:

• know your child perfectly
• communicate with your child without an intermediary - this includes everything that stands between you and the child: telephone, computer, chewing gum...
• have a taste for life - perceive all events only positively
• smile often at the child
• communicate with your child in a civilized manner
• to be a super mom and super dad, a super daughter and a super son, a super grandma and a super grandpa.

Once upon a time, maybe 10-12 years ago, my son expressed the idea that he wanted me to raise his future child.

“I like the way you raised me, I want him to grow up the same way.”

Most likely he forgot about it. But I remember very well and clearly, and I still feel the warmth of such trust. True, this idea remained unrealized: I am a grandmother, and my number is number two. And the opportunity to experience fatherhood and motherhood turned out to be much more exciting and tempting while traveling through the endless expanses of Life...

Grandparents have a huge responsibility. They not only raise children, but also pass on to them the experience of generations, family spirit and allow them to see the most different aspects of life. It is known that children who communicate frequently with their grandparents are much better academically, have good character and are less prone to outbursts of aggression. As adults, such children usually remember their beloved elders with love and gratitude. Grown-up grandchildren take care of them and, if necessary, choose the best private boarding houses for the elderly or provide care themselves.

However, not all grandparents find such communication easy. In some cases, they simply do not know how to behave correctly. Here are some tips for communicating with the younger generation.

Pampering or excessive strictness?

Usually grandmothers dote on their grandchildren. They cannot resist pampering them once again; they shower them with gifts if their financial capabilities allow, feed them the most delicious food, and allow almost everything. Is this true from an educational point of view?

There is a point of view that life with a grandmother is a kind of vacation. Strict parents monitor proper nutrition and timely completion of homework, and at grandma’s house there is a fairy tale where it is so pleasant to relax. However, older people should remember that they should not break the rules set by their parents. The child must understand that everyone in the family adheres to the same standards.

Who is more important - mother or grandmother?

It is no secret that in many families there is rivalry between mothers and grandmothers regarding how to properly raise (feed, dress) a child. Children immediately take advantage of this, starting to manipulate adults. In addition, constant disputes and conflicts in the family are not at all beneficial for either the child or the adults.

Of course, older people want their opinion to be taken into account; they want to be needed and significant. However, in matters of raising children, the last word should remain with the parents. Grandparents can give them advice from the height of their life experience. But when making a final decision, it would be better for them to step aside. First of all, this is a manifestation of care for the child, who should not be torn between different points of view.

How to convey life experience?

Elderly people who spend a lot of time with their grandchildren can pass on to them a real treasure - a wise view of the world, understanding, and the ability to accept life as it is. Old people, like children, are in no hurry. They have time to discuss endless issues, go for walks, enjoy nature, and read books. In such simple and unhurried communication, a connection between generations is born, which is very important for a child.

Communication with older people can be the most important experience in a little person’s life and a memory that he will carry with him throughout his life.