Relationships with a married man rarely end well. Few are ready to leave their spouse for their mistress. Moreover, even if it is possible to take a simple romance to a more serious level, where is the guarantee that the man will not find another mistress, as he did before? Understanding these facts is the first step to getting rid of love, which can cause you a lot of pain.
Photo by Shutterstock
Stop loving a married man: start with yourself
First of all, you need to understand yourself. Switch to selfish mode for a while and think only about what you need. If you didn’t know that your loved one was not free, but you found out about it now, then what is holding you back? He deceived both you and the woman to whom he swore allegiance, he betrayed love. Such a person will not be able to bring you the happiness you deserve. His heart will never belong to just one woman, and to be with him means to be tormented by the pangs of jealousy, constantly feeling deceived, and suffering humiliation. A woman who loves and respects herself should not take such a step.
Love can be stronger than reason. If so, think about this: by trusting a married person, you are robbing yourself of the opportunity to find a person who will love you and whom you will love more than anyone else.
If you knew that the man was not available, but continued to date him, try to understand yourself. This may be due to low self-esteem or too much dependence. There is no need to engage in self-deprecation; it is better to turn to a wise person who will offer you an objective view of the situation, explain what your mistake is, and help you find a way out. Write down the most important things from your conversation, and when your feelings begin to overwhelm your reason, re-read them.
Negative emotions will help you break up with a married man
Having understood yourself, try to put yourself in the place of your lover’s wife. It may seem pointless or too painful, but it will help. If you are one of those who are not alien to empathy and compassion, try to understand what this woman will experience when she finds out that the person she chose as her life partner has betrayed her. Remind yourself that it will not bring you happiness either, that is, this situation in the future can destroy the lives of two women in love at once, and one of them is you. Give it up and you can be happy. You will certainly be found by a man who will be worthy of love and will be able to live up to your expectations.
Love puts rose-colored glasses on a person. If you want to remove them, just imagine how your lover lies to you and his wife, secretly writes SMS, comes up with excuses, dodges. Moreover, he does all these things quite consciously, knowing full well that he is hurting the people who love him, and does not care at all about it. He may say he's confused or unable to make a choice, but that's even worse. This means that you are dealing either with a notorious liar and a scoundrel who is looking only for his own benefit, or with a weak-willed, weak-willed person who is unable to either make a woman happy or protect her. Remind yourself of this. Taking off your rose-colored glasses will make it much easier to fall out of love.
Distance destroys love
Having gotten pretty angry and realizing that you deserve much more than constantly waiting and loving a man who will not make you happy, cut off all contacts with him:
- remove his number from your phone book so that you are not tempted to call;
- block him on social networks;
- add his email address to the blacklist;
- change the SIM card;
- if he calls, don’t pick up;
- Delete all messages from him without even reading them.
Get this person out of your head, and when thoughts about him appear again, get rid of them immediately and remind yourself that you are determined to be happy and find a man for whom you will be number one, and not a second option. Work more, communicate with friends more often and do not give yourself time to suffer from love. Believe me, this medicine will help.
There is no need to deceive yourself and look for a reason to meet or call. Break the connection without regrets, make a decision once and never return to this issue. When things get difficult, imagine your future happiness, visualize your dreams. By the way, this is a short path to their implementation.
Don’t make the mistake of trying to explain everything to a man. Briefly enough, without further ado, inform him that deception and the role of a mistress are not for you. It is very important to do this: as soon as you start writing long letters or trying to explain your position, the man will think that he can still get what he wants from you and it is likely that he will actually succeed. It will not be difficult for an intelligent person to understand why a self-respecting woman would refuse the role of a married man’s mistress.
Dreaming of a prince on a white trotter, we, of course, never imagine that this rider might end up being ringed. However, life is capricious. It happens that she presents not very pleasant surprises, and we, contrary to our wishes, fall in love with a married man. Well, Cupid missed, didn’t look... The mind understands that this is impossible. And my heart is racing. So what should we do? How to stop loving a married man if you have no intention of destroying someone else’s family? How to forget him?
Why you should stop loving a married man
Oh, my heart, my heart... There are so many free and worthy guys in the world! But no, for some reason you chose him, a man who has a good wife and even children. And you yearn for him and cry, not wanting to belong to anyone else. Everyone around advises you to throw your loved one out of your head, to forget him. But as? How to stop loving a married man if it seems that there is no better person in the world? And somewhere in the depths of my soul there glimmers the hope that someday he will be yours. Although you understand that the chances are very small. Yes, the beloved promises to divorce. But then, after the child grows up, his wife gets on her feet, he buys an apartment, and so on. Time passes, nothing changes, and one day you realize that it’s time to put an end to this hopeless relationship. Because nothing will ever change.
In order to take the first step towards ending a relationship, you must try to pull yourself together and take a sober look at the situation. Let's think, why did we even let a married man into our hearts? What is it - really love, or fear of loneliness? And if suddenly he actually gets divorced and becomes completely and completely ours, can he be trusted? Who knows, what if the fate of his wife one day befalls us? After all, having lied once... Well, okay, but even if he doesn’t comprehend, will the current beloved be as dear as he is now, having become a husband? It is likely that our feelings are so strong because he is still a stranger.
They say that men have mistresses because they are polygamous, because they like it so much, that they want variety, and so on. And that they never abandon their family. Not true. It happens that a married man falls in love with another woman, and as a result gets divorced. But one way or another, he still will not forget his former wife and will probably maintain a relationship with her for quite a long time. Especially if there are children. Can we stand it? And will we be happy in this situation? Hardly. This means that it is necessary to stop loving, even if there is a chance to unite your destiny with him. Someone else's misfortune is a poor foundation for one's own happiness.
No, of course, you can come to terms with the situation and continue dating your loved one for years. Without insisting on anything, without demanding anything and without expecting anything from him. But is it worth it? The situation will then be twofold. It seems that she is not alone, and at the same time lonely. You can’t arrange your personal life, because the place next to you seems to be occupied. And it’s kind of empty. You will always wait for short-term meetings in secret and watch with pain as he furtively glances at his watch. Well, why is it such an existence? Of course, all this will suit him. Still would! There is a house, there are two women, each of them needs it. An eagle, not a man! And the fact that he regularly lies to one and makes the other suffer... Well, so what! This is the fate of the weaker sex. As you know, there are fewer men. So let them get used to sharing them.
In a word, wherever you look, there is a swamp. And it’s better to tear your married lover out of your heart, spread your wings and fly away in search of your own destiny. Otherwise this swamp will suck. And before we have time to gasp, we will grow old and foolish in endless expectations of meetings. Then you will definitely have to cuckoo alone for the rest of your days. And he will find another mistress, fresher, prettier and younger. There are fewer men, but he is an eagle...
Do we need such a fate? Need not. So we make a firm decision to free ourselves from oppressive attachment. Let's pull ourselves together and think about how to forget a married man. Where to begin?
How to break up with a married man
If we have finally decided to part with an unfree lover, we will not beat around the bush, we will tell him about it directly. Yes, it's not easy. But it is necessary. Do we understand that we can’t cope with emotions? Let's drink a mild sedative, learn the words of farewell in advance and rehearse our behavior. The main thing is to avoid reproaches and hysterics. It’s better to thank the person for everything and let him go. It is quite possible that he will resist and persuade you to have sex. We do not agree under any circumstances! After a passionate embrace, it will be impossible to separate. And everything will go in circles again.
After the last conversation takes place, we try not to think about our ex-lover or think about him in the past tense. We do not answer his calls and do not agree to meet under any conditions. We don’t accept gifts and get rid of everything that reminds us of the past. Do you have any photos together? In the trash can! Are there things that indicate a failed romance? Same way! Have mutual friends? We see them as little as possible! Do you have a common hobby? Let's change it! And so on. We delete the married man’s number from his mobile phone, block his access to our pages on social networks, stop going to places where he might appear... And we get to know other men at the first opportunity. Let these acquaintances not oblige you to anything. We now need communication with the stronger sex and recognition of our own attractiveness.
We try not to be alone, because our hand will always reach for the phone in order to dial the number of our former loved one. It’s better to call a good friend and arrange a meeting or just have a heart-to-heart chat. We go with friends to the cinema, to discos or walk in the park. We are looking for a new hobby, going somewhere on a vacation package, starting to learn foreign languages, mastering horseback riding, learning to scuba dive... Let's take action! We don’t sit huddled in a corner and feel our own pain. You have to run away from it headlong, then sooner or later the pain will go away.
Does not work? Let's try to describe what we feel on a piece of paper or speak into a voice recorder. We try to look at our emotions impartially, as if from the outside. This will help, if not curb them, then at least streamline them in order to understand why it is so difficult to forget an unfree man. If you can’t cope with the situation on your own, go to a psychologist. Let him sort everything out and determine why we became so attached to someone to whom we should not become attached.
It must be said that the roots of such affection always lie in the woman herself. Not every one of us is capable of falling in love with a married man. In the eyes of many ladies, a ringed object of the opposite sex automatically ceases to be an object of attention. Such young ladies will never give themselves, their beloved, to someone who cannot fully appreciate such a gift. They know that such relationships inevitably bring pain and suffering. But we also assumed this! So why did you allow yourself to fall in love? You had to run without looking back! And if we didn’t run, maybe we need it, this pain? Or do we have too low self-esteem and are we ready for any connection?
No, it is likely that the married man is a worthy man of a rare breed of knights. Well, this is what happened! A man got married before we met him. But what's done is done. In any case, relations with him will not be easy. You will have to wait for his calls all the time, suffer from jealousy, realizing that he is going to bed with someone else. Spend evenings and holidays alone and feel sad even when he is nearby. Because it will always belong to someone else. And the other one has more rights to her beloved.
Yes, if you really love, it’s very difficult to take the first step towards breaking up. If you don’t have the strength to do this, you can do it differently. Let's begin to behave with our loved one like a legal spouse. We will call him when necessary and not necessary, throw tantrums, make complaints, regularly sort things out, and get jealous. Surely the “romantic hero” will change radically and turn into an irritable brawler. And wonderful! This makes it easier to throw him out of your heart and life. And if you persistently drag the married man to the registry office, forcing him to divorce his wife, he will run away on his own. A rare man is capable of such a serious step.
In short, we free ourselves from unhappy relationships by any means. They are of no use! To Caesar - what is Caesar's, and to us - happiness prepared for us, and not for someone else. Every woman deserves it, and we are no exception!
There are situations in life when a husband, without meaning to, deprives his wife of attention. Experiencing a terrible need for love and affection, a woman begins to look for adventures on the side.
Many beautiful people manage to compensate for the lack of attention by flirting at work, at events, and in the gym. But sometimes this is not enough. A girl can be so disappointed that the desire to return her former passion pushes her to the idea of taking a lover. In some cases, the husband feels that his wife is moving away and takes decisive action to return his beloved. The wife, having taken a break from everyday problems, does not resist and, having decided that the family is most important, goes forward. But here’s the catch - sometimes the understanding comes that the lady has fallen in love and does not have the strength to break off the forbidden relationship. What to do in such a situation? How to stop loving your lover and love your spouse again? Or maybe do the opposite?
To quench your passion for your new partner, you need to remember why this relationship began? After all, you did not plan to build a strong family with a person and swear allegiance to the grave. You are probably:
- They were looking for temporary consolation.
- They wanted physical and psychological pleasure.
- Perhaps they wanted to attract the attention of their spouse.
Look at the situation more simply. If you have a feeling of attachment, convince yourself that it is just an illusion. After all, you know that love is not passionate experiences and mind-blowing sex, love is what you have as a husband, what the couple has gone through over a long period and this should not be lost.
The phrase that family is most important is not an empty phrase. You probably already know that. You have realized yourself as a wife, built a life and starting a new relationship, the prospect of which none of the lovers is sure of, is a bad idea.
To fall out of love, you need to give up all kinds of meetings and focus on convincing yourself.
Switch to your spouse, children, everyday life, travel. But don't fight the memories of your ex with fanatical passion. Sometimes intense struggle with oneself leads to despair and depression. It causes even more thoughts about a supposedly ideal past and uncertainty about your current life. Allow yourself to think, remember, but just treat this as a good period that has ended.
Spend a lot of time on your rightful chosen one. Psychologists advise falling in love with your husband again. But both we and the psychologists themselves understand that it is not so simple. Therefore, to begin with, set yourself the goal of renewing your old relationship, to come to the initial stage when there was no love yet, but there was already sympathy. Take the initiative into your own hands - diversify your leisure time, everyday life, and intimate life. Remember, the important thing here is not to wish or want to stop loving, but to have a firm intention to do so.
If you suddenly have conflicts or family troubles, under no circumstances return to someone else. Such an act is fraught with a new wave of passion, which will bring all your efforts to nothing. We'll have to start parting with feelings again. Do you want to go through the nine circles of hell again? In addition, the spouse will probably suspect something is wrong and will not let the mistake go the second time.
But another option is always possible - to reconsider your views on your beloved. Perhaps there is no longer a need for a relationship with him. But that's another story. So let's leave her alone...
What a woman experiences when trying to fall out of love
True love has little chance of getting rid of it quickly. The lady needs to tune in to the fact that getting rid of feelings is a long process. And the main thing in this matter is not to forbid yourself to experience the full range of upcoming experiences.
At the first stage, everything is, of course, difficult. At first you will be faced with a refusal to believe that the relationship is over. It’s good if there is a person nearby - a friend or mother who will completely understand and support you morally. Ideally, if your husband turns out to be an understanding friend. This happens rarely, but if this case concerns you, then you are very lucky.
At first, the lady will want to call, write or organize a farewell meeting with her beloved. Perhaps she will find solace in alcohol and the endless carousel of parties with her friends. But this is also not an option. You need to understand that the time to be alone with yourself and feel, analyze, cry what is boiling over will inevitably overtake you.
Then the question is: how to stop loving your lover and not give in to momentary impulses? So, convince yourself that the impulse is momentary. It will pass in half an hour, but the regret that you lost your temper will remain. Realize that the crazy actions you want to do are a provocation of your brain. If you ignore and do not give in to temptation, the sensation will occur less and less often, and then disappear altogether.
Instead of dialing your ex's phone number, call your friend and talk about your passion. It will be great if in response you hear a similar story from your friend and end up laughing together.
We need to reduce the importance of what is happening. And it’s only possible to reduce it when you’re busy doing something really interesting. Consider the break as a chance, as an incentive to learn something new, delve into a hobby, yoga, sports, and develop your performance.
The psychologist's advice on this issue is non-violence against oneself. If you are already tired of your loved ones with your conversations about your ex, pour out your feelings on paper. Write about the pain, what you feel. You will see that every time you express yourself on paper, you will come to the conclusion that there is no point in continuing a relationship that is obviously doomed to failure.
Much in the period of “forgetting” depends on the character of the woman herself.
There are two ways in which you can stop loving a person:
- Long-term analysis alone.
- An adventure called “don’t let yourself waste away.”
Some people need to change their minds, suffer for a long period. And the key word here is necessary. This is the personality type. For these ladies, during the period of liberation from feelings, it is best to retire. If you have a spouse, you should not be embarrassed to ask to leave you for a while, or better yet, to leave on your own.
Other individuals are in dire need of a switch, complete and immediate. They need to “jump” from one activity to another, not allow themselves to think, and not stop even during severe depression. Both methods are effective, and both methods really help in fulfilling the intention.
Your task is to choose a suitable method for yourself by trial. Perhaps you combine two methods at the same time or come up with your own - individual. The main thing is to believe in yourself, don’t give up and everything will definitely work out.
Every girl, woman, dreams of a romantic relationship, of love. After all, you really want to be happy, feel protected, have a worthy man nearby. But, unfortunately, no one has yet managed to control Cupid. Therefore, sometimes we fall in love with those people with whom it is simply impossible to imagine living together. So, what to do if there is a married man in your heart?
The main thing you need to do is decide for yourself whether you need a relationship that has no future. So, having realized that you are a fairly young, attractive lady and you have every chance of finding new love, you can safely get down to business. Since many women face this problem, there are a number of recommendations developed by psychologists, following which such unsuccessful relationships can be achieved.
How to forget a married man with whom you are not in a relationship?
What to do with feelings that are not reciprocated and even come to a young man who is married. First of all, you should understand that even if a man responds to your sympathy, you will not see peace. Are you ready to become the destroyer of someone's family, are you willing to be his secret lover and be content with only fleeting dates? Will you be able to withstand a showdown with your loved one’s wife if she suddenly decides to arrange for her spouse? You may not have thought about it. After fully understanding what is happening, it is advisable to ask yourself the question: “Hunter or prey?” By answering it, you will understand why this particular man has sunk into your soul so much. Maybe you just like the process of taking “prey” from your rival. If this is not the first time you have fallen in love with a married man, then you should be wary. It is quite possible to overcome this addiction to the inaccessible. You can, for example, go hunting from time to time in order to muffle your hunting instinct.
What to do if you are a victim. Many women subconsciously look for a relationship that will only cause problems. This is associated with certain mental disorders acquired in childhood. Perhaps there were constant quarrels in the family in which you grew up, which left an imprint on your relationships with the opposite sex. So, if you grew up in a psychologically stressful environment, then you need to monitor your attachments.
How to stop loving a married man?
If you are already a lover, then you will have a hard time. After all, secret meetings have become the norm for you and you simply cannot imagine life without them. But even this level of relationship can be erased from memory. It is best to follow the method of smokers who quit this harmful activity. The last meeting is the end of the relationship. There is no need to call your lover or meet at the first weakness. Pull yourself together and persevere. Do not succumb to any provocations from a married man. Spend your free time playing sports or communicating with more worthy people.
Thus, it is quite possible to stop loving a married man, the main thing is to really want it. Advice from psychologists will definitely help with this.
Read also:
Orthodox calendar
Thursday, February 27, 2020(February 14, old style)
Cheese week (Maslenitsa)
Equal. Kirill, Slovenian teacher (869)
St. Auxentia (c. 470)
Saints' Day:
St. Maron, the hermit of Syria (c. 433). St. Abrahamia, bishop Carrien (V). 12 Greeks, builders of the cathedral church of the Assumption of the Kiev Pechersk Lavra (XI). St. Isaac, the recluse of Pechersk (c. 1090). Transfer of the relics of the blgv. book Mikhail of Chernigov and the boyar Theodore (1578).
Day of Remembrance of Confessors and New Martyrs of the Russian Church:
Sschmch. Onesima, ep. Tulsky (1937); sschmch. Tryphon of the Rodonezh deacon (1938).
Cheese week (Maslenitsa) is continuous.
Marriages are not celebrated during Cheese Week (Maslenitsa).
Readings of the day
Gospel and Apostle:
In lit.: -Ap.: Jude 1:11-25 Ev.: Luke 23:1-34,44-56
Psalter:
In the morning: - Ps.91-100; Ps.101-104; Ps.105-108 For eternity: - Ps.119-133
Women fall in love with married men quickly, but it is very difficult to forget them. If you are familiar with the situation and you have decided to say goodbye to your lover for good, use the advice of a psychologist. You can find them in our article today. You will find out what are the disadvantages of dating a married person, what you need to do to stop loving him and survive the distance.
First of all, you need to write down on paper all the shortcomings of your relationship. The main thing is their unpredictability. This does not mean at all that the man will decide to take you on a trip or arrange a surprise. Prepare for the sudden cancellation of dates, the destruction of carefully thought-out plans. Due to the existence of the family, the lover will not be able to organize meetings regularly. In relationships with him, it is not uncommon for dates to be arranged at the last minute without warning. Do you need it?
Another disadvantage of the role of a mistress is that few of her relatives will support the choice of a relationship with a married man. You will have to constantly hide it. There will also be no opportunity to meet friends or relatives of your loved one. Also, get ready to play a supporting role, to live in the “shadow”.
The holidays await you alone; your lover will not leave his family to celebrate Christmas, New Year, or his birthday with you.
The next disadvantage is that if you don’t have friends, loneliness will be more painful. Are these not enough arguments to stop loving a man?
Psychologists are convincing in their advice; in their opinion, it is better to leave your lover and find a new guy whom you can love openly.
The best medicine after a breakup is a new relationship with another man who will make you truly happy. We recommend watching new free video course Alexey Chernozem "12 laws of seduction for women." From the course you will learn how to attract his attention, encourage him to get to know him, interest him and captivate him.
To watch, click on this link, leave your e-mail and you will receive an email with a link to the video.
What to do to forget your lover
To fall out of love with a married man, you need to go through several stages of a breakup. The main steps will be:
- Make a firm decision. Prepare for a complete disconnect. You will have to say goodbye to plans, expectations and hopes.
- Stop contacts. Inform your lover about the end of meetings on the side. Do not strive for random connections or calls - this will aggravate your recovery in the future.
- Be honest. Explain the motives for the action. Do not invent false reasons for leaving to avoid losing respect. Ask the man not to call or try to restore intimacy.
- Get some privacy. Revisit your former love affair. At this stage, there may be a strong desire to return to the past. Sit down and write down the mistakes you made. Break down the pros and cons of ending a relationship (we wrote about the cons above). A man may seem ideal, but keep in mind that he deceived his wife, which means he may do the same to you. Think about it, there are no guarantees that he will leave the family.
How to get over a breakup painlessly
After the end of the relationship, you will feel the bitterness of loss and even shock. At first, emotional outbursts and tearfulness are possible. The following steps will help you get through this:
- Personalization. The breakup left an emptiness in the soul, it needs to be filled with interesting work and hobbies, meetings with old friends. Do not rush to start dating other men before you have fully recovered.
- Letting out our experiences. Cry, feel sorry for yourself. Awareness of loss will help you overcome the pain of the past and open up to a new life.
- Let's pull ourselves together. Sit down and write down how you see your future. Indicate what you gained and what you lost in previous relationships, and how you should proceed in similar situations.
- Let's sum it up. Regularly write down the good, joyful events that happen in your life after breaking up with your lover. Focus on the positive aspects.
At the end you need. This article will help you avoid making mistakes and analyze your feelings.
Find yourself someone else, only this time free. Here's the list. Here you can find options for communication for one evening and serious relationships.
Our article about how to not miss your chance will help you. Here we tell you how to find a common language if you are planning a serious relationship. You will be able to attract the candidate and charm.
And here it tells how to behave with a man so that he falls in love and opens up. You will learn to treat your partner correctly, say the right words, learn what you need to change in yourself, what mistakes you should avoid.
Head over heels in love? Don't rush to shout about it, think first. Read about all the pros and cons in a separate article.
This video will help you quickly fall out of love with a married man. It tells you what awaits you in the future, about how difficult it will be for you in secondary roles. Open your eyes!
If during the recovery process negative emotions come back to haunt you, do not be upset - this is part of the recovery process. Over time, there will be fewer such moments.
