Both parents take part in raising a child, but in this matter each of them has their own “area of responsibility.” Only a mother can teach a child some things (for example, a father is unlikely to teach a child how to darn socks), but the development of some skills and qualities directly depends on the father. : The fact is that the son sees his future self in his dad and one way or another looks up to him. For him, dad is a model from which he, consciously or not, will build his life.
What qualities should a father cultivate in his son first of all? Nikolai Kornetov, editor of the Papa Today website, told I Parent about this.
1. Responsibility
The ability to take responsibility for one’s own words and actions is one of the most important masculine qualities, without which your son will have a hard time in life.
A man who cannot be relied upon and whose words mean nothing does not stay long in any company, and he will also not be able to build any long-term relationships.
First of all, your own example will help to make your son responsible. If you always keep your word, think through your decisions, and, most importantly, are able to admit when you are wrong, if you really were wrong, then most likely your son will grow up the same way.
It would seem that cleaning is a “women’s activity” and the mother should teach the child to clean up after themselves. However, if we are talking about raising a boy, then it is better for the father to take matters into his own hands, because if the child learns that a man should not clean up after himself, then in the very first months of his independent life he will most likely become “overgrown with dirt.”
Your duty as a father is to show your son that a man must be clean if he wants others not to treat him with disgust.
To do this, monitor yourself whether he brushes his teeth, washes himself, and keeps his clothes clean enough. Teach him to put his clothes in the closet after a walk, and not scatter them on the sofa and chairs, help him determine where and how to put his personal belongings away. And, again, do not forget that the main role model is yourself.
3. Financial literacy
It’s never too early to introduce your child to money matters. The sooner a boy understands the real value of money and learns to plan expenses, the easier it will be for him to adapt to independent life in the future. It is likely that he will then have to be the main “breadwinner” in the family, and therefore he should learn how to handle money, first of all, from you. To do this, from an early age, teach him to pay attention to price tags in the store: this will teach him to navigate prices and understand what costs “a lot” and what costs “a little.”
Involve your son in the financial life of the family and consult with him about upcoming big purchases: let him take part in planning family expenses.
It would not be amiss to somehow draw up a budget together with him, say, a trip to the sea. In the future he will definitely thank you for this.
4. Ability to resolve conflicts (both good and bad)
The social reality is that men and women need slightly different skills to resolve conflicts, so your male experience in this matter is indispensable for him.
A boy will find himself in conflict situations from an early age, and you must teach him in which cases a matter needs to be resolved by compromise, when it is not a shame to turn to adults for help, and after what “signal”, most likely, he will have to start a fight.
By the way, only you can teach him to physically defend himself, otherwise he will have to learn this from his own mistakes, and this will be much more painful.
During the preschool period, children learn standards of behavior and criteria for their assessment, i.e. whether this behavior is desirable or not. At the same age, the ability to evaluate one’s actions and their results, compare them with the expectations of significant people around him (for example, parents) develops, self-respect is formed and manifested, based on such moral feelings as shame, embarrassment, pride.
Moral feelings and qualities are manifested in a child when communicating with peers, adults and in any of his activities. The tasks of parents and teachers undoubtedly include the formation of healthy self-esteem in the child and the development of his socio-moral qualities.
What are these qualities? Despite the relevance of this issue for teachers and psychologists, today there is no unified classification of the types of moral feelings and qualities in children. Nevertheless, there is a certain systematization, and it is with this that we will take a closer look.
One of the important moral feelings of a preschooler is sense of truth: The child really needs his ideas about the world around him to be truthful and correct. It is for this reason that he is so eager to master the truth. The discrepancy between facts, reality and their verbal description is perceived by the child with distrust and antipathy. Of course, the desire for truth alone is not enough for a child to grow up honest and conscientious. An innate desire to know the truth is considered, but a sense of truthfulness needs to be cultivated. It is this that contributes to the feeling of spiritual comfort for the individual. Sincerity and truthfulness are important manifestations of personal development. Nurturing conscience and a sense of truthfulness are quite subtle things, especially in preschool age, when the child is prone to inventing and fantasizing. This process requires an adult to have sound thinking, pedagogical competence, tact, and to establish and maintain mutual trust. 
Feeling of trustmanifests itself in a preschooler in relation to those who evoke positive emotions in him. This feeling is expressed in the child’s openness, his desire to contact others, in the feeling of spiritual comfort from communication, in his willingness to trust a person with his secrets and desires, to share thoughts and experiences. The basis for a child’s manifestation of this feeling is his positive attitude towards the environment, experience of communication (primarily with parents), and the belief that he can always be supported in difficult times.
Sense of justice - this is a child’s experience of his desire to bring the truth to life, to comprehend the truth, to relate to peers and adults at ease. It is based on the child’s perception of the concept of “good” and “bad” norms. They are operated during banal actions (distribution of toys, roles), external examples of the manifestation of these norms, when the child, under the influence of the instructions of his parents, must determine this or that himself. The formation of a sense of justice is facilitated by the objectivity of the assessment of the child’s actions, as well as the child’s development of an adequate assessment of himself.
Feeling of empathylies in the preschooler’s ability to understand the experiences of others and consciously strive to help, show responsiveness, and empathy. The ability to empathize shapes a child as a part of society. The development of this moral feeling limits the manifestation of our egoism and helps us feel ourselves in the place of another. Raising empathy involves supporting a child if he has done something for the good and without self-interest, without expecting excessive praise for it, but perceiving it as a natural act. The feeling of empathy also contributes to the preschooler’s perception of the concept of “humanism”, helps to adequately understand the opinions and criticism of others, and helps to become responsive.
Feeling of sympathy contained in the child’s ability to give preference to some people over others. The more supportive a person is, the more likable he is. This feeling is manifested by the child in small actions and deeds: sitting next to each other, greeting joyfully when meeting, playing and talking together, telling others about the object of his sympathy. However, in his disposition towards a person, a preschooler is guided not only by the “force of attraction” or childhood love, but by quite significant motives - recognition of the authority of a particular person, the perception that together the probability of achieving what he wants increases.
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Such a moral feeling as self-esteem manifests itself in a preschooler during criticism from others, especially people who are authoritative for him, in accordance with his moral standards. This feeling occurs when a child tries to defend his “I”, his rights as an individual or performer of a certain job. This feeling is closely related to the character trait of honesty and is an integral part of moral emotions.
Close to him are feelings of self-respect And pride. A preschooler's self-esteem is formed under the influence of a polite attitude, which is based on the recognition and identification of the child's positive qualities and his success in any activity. Self-love combines a child’s self-esteem and his attitude towards the assessment of others. In general, instilling in children a sense of self-worth, self-respect, as well as other moral feelings and qualities, including conscience, altruism, responsibility, contributes to the child’s development of the ability to adequately evaluate himself and others, the ability to restrain himself, to act not impulsively, but consciously. The task of adults is to create and maintain an atmosphere of love of life, an optimistic mood, a positive emotional state, a sense of security, and interest in the world around them in the process of communication and joint activities with the child.
Victoria Pyshnaya, teacher at the ABC for Parents network of family centers.
Every mother dreams that her child will have only positive qualities. To do this, they use various methods: they tell instructive stories, show everything by personal example, etc. To cultivate the positive qualities of a child, it is necessary to spend a lot of effort and be sure to pay attention to the baby.
It is impossible to give exact recommendations for this, because each child’s character and temperament are very different. But there are still a few basic points that should be taken into account in any case. We will talk about them later in the article.
When should you start developing positive qualities?
The following positive personality traits of the child should be highlighted:
- Kindness;
- Politeness;
- Honesty;
- Responsiveness;
- Hard work;
- Accuracy;
- Bravery;
- Responsibility;
- Determination.
He is born with an attitude exclusively towards goodness and a positive attitude towards him from other people. He still doesn’t know what evil deeds or resentment are. And it is precisely this period that is important not to lose attention.
In the first three years, a child accumulates knowledge, experience and information. All this serves as a kind of basis for its development in the future. After three years, he tries to test his knowledge in practice, determining empirically what is actually good and what is bad.
When cultivating positive qualities, the main thing is to set your own example. After all, at an early age he strives to imitate adults.
At an early age, a child’s thinking is more flexible and he is highly suggestible. The child’s curiosity can also play a significant role.
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Personal example is the best helper
After two years, children are most often sent to kindergarten, where they communicate with peers, and educators use various methods to develop not only mental, but also moral skills. But sometimes teachers are too strict or simply inattentive to children. Therefore, in any case, the main concern for instilling positive qualities in the baby falls on the shoulders of the parents.
The greatest effect is produced by personal example. Even lectures about the rules of correct behavior in this case will be unnecessary. Parents unconsciously cultivate various qualities in their child. For example, mutual respect in the family teaches him respect for others.
This method of education is absolutely inappropriate! There is no need to yell at a child for bad behavior; the punishment should be such that the child understands everything and does not do it again. And you won't achieve anything by shouting!
Be sure to communicate with the younger family member as an equal. Do not try to moralize, because the child must understand that his opinion is also taken into account. So he will learn to take into account the opinions of others.
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Fairy tales are our helpers from an early age
The period of childhood itself is a time of fairy tales. After all, it is in them that miracles come to life. But what is also important is what moral the fairy tale conveys. It is with this in mind that they are selected. Fairy tales must teach a child something good and kind. Sometimes his parents sit him down to watch cartoons. But often there is nothing instructive in them. Those. your child just wasted precious time aimlessly.
Educational fairy tales for children are much better than modern cartoons without meaning!
Make it a goal to devote time every day to reading. Retell what you read with your child, compose other fairy tales, etc. He will also be interested if you not only read a fairy tale, but retell it.
And in the end, we present simple rules for nurturing positive qualities in a child:
- Never argue with each other in front of your children. Better to hold back;
- Be sure to be an authority figure for your child. After all, he, feeling your strength and importance, will want to be like you;
- Never protect your child from physical labor. If he wants to help with cleaning around the house, then let him do it. If a son wants to give a screwdriver to his father, then do not stop these urges;
- A growing child needs to be punished correctly, in proportion to his guilt. Do not humiliate or insult him under any circumstances!
- During the parenting process, be sure to encourage him;
- Never compare your child with others if you do not want him to develop an inferiority complex.
When developing positive qualities in a child, do not count on instant results. This process requires maximum patience and restraint. But in the end, your child will have the values that will definitely help him in life.
Nurturing a child’s personality is the formation in him of such qualities as self-confidence, self-esteem, strong character, and high morality. This process cannot be organized according to any clear plan, since the development of a child’s character occurs throughout the entire period of childhood, and not only parents, but also other family members participate in it. However, parents need to know about the principles of nurturing the child’s personality and devote time to developing positive qualities in him.
Child upbringing and personality development
How should a child’s personality be nurtured? Let's consider the basic principles that parents should adhere to so that their child grows up to be a self-sufficient person.
Adoption. The child’s character begins to manifest itself already in early preschool age. It is important to understand that each child is individual, and much of his behavior depends on his temperament. If parents want to see their baby active and lively, but he loves quiet activities, you shouldn’t try to change the child by forcing him to do something he doesn’t like. From an early age, you need to accept him for who he is, without comparing him with other children, and especially with his ideas about what a good child should be.
Patience. Parents should carefully monitor the baby and gently correct his character, but this must be done delicately. If any negative qualities are observed in his behavior, this is not at all a reason to panic. In the early years, any child can be capricious, stubborn and disobedient. Such qualities appear during transitional periods of child development and are a temporary phenomenon. Educational techniques necessary during such periods are soft and unobtrusive suggestion and explanation. Of course, this will require enormous patience from parents, but it will bring much better results in nurturing the child’s personality than prohibitions and punishments alone.
Personal example. From a very early age, children copy the behavior of their parents - this is a natural process that plays a decisive role in developing the child’s character. Therefore, it is important for parents not only to explain to their child what is good and what is bad, but also to ensure that their own behavior complies with these rules. How to raise a child to be kind and tolerant if you constantly show aggression or irritation towards him? You should not demand from your child to show qualities that you yourself do not have.
Comfortable climate in the family. A harmonious personality can only be formed in an appropriate atmosphere. The upbringing of a child’s personality should take place in a normal psychological climate. In the family circle he should feel calm and supported. If conflicts often occur in the family, the child will grow up closed and distrustful of the world, and many positive qualities of his character will be suppressed.
Development of independence. The child’s activities should be organized so that he learns to choose games and activities for himself. The role of parents should be guiding: they should give the child ideas for games, engage in some kind of joint activity with him, but at the same time give him opportunities for self-expression, allowing him to do what he likes. It is also important from an early age to encourage any initiative of the child when he wants to learn how to do something himself. Small errands and chores around the house gradually develop in him responsibility and a sense of self-worth.
How to develop certain qualities in a child?
Education of a child's character includes the formation and development of specific qualities in him. The best way to do this is also to lead by example. But parents should also adopt other techniques. They depend on what quality they want to instill or strengthen in the child’s character.
How to raise a kind child? You need to cultivate kindness in a child from an early age. You should patiently explain to him how to act correctly in various situations and why it is important to show kindness and compassion. A very good method of instilling kindness, sensitivity and compassion in a child is reading fairy tales. They help the baby understand what good and evil are. It is best not just to read fairy tales to your child, but also to discuss positive and negative characters with him, while explaining why good always wins and evil gets what it deserves.
To develop a child's self-confidence and self-confidence, parents should use positive assessment. It is important to listen to his opinion, and also always praise him for the work done, knowledge acquired and any other successes. You should not overload your child by forcing him to do everything at once - dancing, sports, music, foreign languages... It is better to give him the right to choose to do what interests him. How to raise a confident child if the baby grows up quiet and shy? Firstly, you need to accept these features of his character, and secondly, organize the child’s activities in accordance with them. If your child likes quiet games and activities, there is nothing wrong with that. Feelings of confidence may not manifest in the form of loud speech, being sociable and active, but your child will still learn to feel confident in his abilities if you show him your unconditional love, which is not dependent on whether he meets your personal expectations or not.
How to raise a child to be a leader? To develop leadership qualities in a child, parents are advised to instill in him an interest in competitive activities, as well as actively develop the child's social skills and self-confidence. If he does not strive to be the first always and in everything and does not show leadership qualities when communicating with peers, the upbringing and development of the child’s personality should follow the same rules, but taking into account the individual characteristics of his character. Many parents who are concerned with the question of how to raise their child to be a leader forget about this and show their disappointment if they do not see the child demonstrating leadership abilities. The child will definitely feel it, and this will negatively affect self-esteem. Allow him to develop those qualities that are given by nature, as well as independently decide who to be friends with and how to build relationships with peers.
