Public opinion
One of the obvious features is society’s ambivalent attitude towards this situation. Encouraging everything that in one way or another demonstrates the desire for activity, preservation of youth in all manifestations, and changes in life, it highlights areas and individual events where all this can be allowed and where not. A woman who, in the year of her fiftieth anniversary, changes jobs, goes to college, moves to another city, breaks off a relationship that has not suited her for a long time and starts a new one, is definitely a good job. “It's never too late to start a new life. We invent our own age. You proved that these are just numbers in a passport and the main thing is how we feel about ourselves and how we behave.” Everyone will say something similar, everyone will admire it. It’s a completely different matter if the same woman announces that she is expecting a child. Yes, she decided to do this for the same purpose - to make her life more complete, rich, and interesting. And yes, this also indicates activity and youth. However, words of support will be much more restrained. “Well done, what can you say, I’ve made up my mind...” And no one will assure that we invent the age ourselves - on the contrary, there will be precise calculations and warnings.
“I'm forty-six. And this is my first child. And I would be happy if there were no disagreements in my family and with friends about this. With their question “Have you thought well?” drive me crazy. As if I was underage or doing something inappropriate. Yes, I thought more than all of them combined about their children. And, of course, this is not easy for me either. After all, I even undergo more medical examinations than other mothers. So I ask those around you – just rejoice!” Anna
Society approves of any manifestation of youth as a way of life and thought, any desire for it. But not like that. Why? Because this is a collective unconscious fear for the offspring, for their health and safety. Nature instilled it in people in ancient times, and when it comes to childbirth, we strive for generally accepted and time-tested norms. In this area, ideas about appropriate and inappropriate ages, about what is “in time” and what is “out of time” are preserved. A woman whose decision to become a mother contradicts these ideas will experience the complex emotional mood of those around her. No, not condemnation, rather some doubt, surprise and tension. And this prevents many expectant mothers from feeling harmonious. You should be prepared for this state of affairs. So that every question: “Isn’t it too late?”, every perplexed look does not cause feelings of resentment or protest. So as not to waste emotions in vain and focus on what is important.
What to tell your child?
When the birth of a child does not happen the way it does in most families, the question of the reasons is always more significant and always comes first. This will be of interest to the immediate environment now and will be a reason for the child’s own thoughts later, when he grows up. Of course, all people are concerned to one degree or another about the story of their birth. However, children born into the most ordinary family and in the most ordinary circumstances almost never ask the question “Why and how was I born?”, even if later, for example, the parents separated. Unlike children born out of wedlock, or to mothers who are too young, or, on the contrary, to those who, due to their age, could easily become grandmothers. Indeed, in the first case, the situation is perceived as an ordinary normal course of life, in the second - as some kind of special story. In the minds of a person who was born “not like everyone else,” the story of his birth always occupies a larger place. Both in childhood and later. And it can significantly influence his worldview.
“...I never asked my mother how I was born. For some reason it was disturbing to think about it. And, although I saw photographs where my mother was pregnant, and ones where I was only a few days old, it always seemed to me that I was not my own. When I was in the fifth grade, my mother became seriously ill, and her friend once said: “It’s good that at least you exist. Otherwise, now I would be left alone.” Even later, from the same friend, I learned that my mother did not love her husband and did not want children from him. Then they divorced, my mother spent a long time looking for the ideal man for a relationship. At the age of forty, she became pregnant from a casual acquaintance, and her friends persuaded her to give birth - as they say, for themselves. “She really appreciated you. Maybe I wasn’t always able to show it.” I understand that the mother did not know how to communicate with the child. I'm not offended by her. But for a very long time I had the feeling that I was superfluous, random, that I was not particularly welcome. It disappeared only now, when the children were born and I felt what real affection means.” Maya, mother of Masha and Leni
Their morals
Not all stories of the birth of “late” children are dramatic. All over the world there are more and more women with just such a life plan. Education, career, hobbies, self-development and only then – a child. When you can already fully concentrate only on education. And, of course, there are couples who have decided to completely trust nature in matters of childbirth. Both of them feel absolutely calm, confident in anticipation and convey these feelings to the child.
In this regard, it is worth thinking in advance about what, how and to whom to talk about it. The information may be true, but it should not be traumatizing or disturbing. It is important for any person to recognize the non-accidentality of his birth, its desirability for loved ones. And the fact that this in itself was the main goal. It’s not very pleasant for a child to know that he was born, because his older brother grew up, left, his mother felt very bad without him, and so... It’s better if the parents always wanted another child and he was finally born.
State of the art
Changes in activity, emotionality, speed of reaction - all this is inevitable. This is not so noticeable when people live as usual and regulate their loads themselves. But a child changes the conditions of existence radically; caring for him requires the application of a huge amount of effort.
“Listen, have the rattles always been this loud? They can drive you crazy,” my husband once told me. He himself is just walking with his daughter. If he gets up at night, then he has blood pressure, if he plays for a long time, his back hurts. To be honest, I’m very tired myself. Still, a child at eighteen and a child at forty-five are not the same thing. With my first son, I also managed to study at the institute, and now we even sometimes call a nanny. I don’t have enough strength to play, feed, bathe, and walk without a break. And, of course, I really miss silence and a state of relaxation. But, I hope, we will soon get used to this way of life. Because our baby demands more and more attention and entertainment every day.” Elena, Yulia's mother
The older the parents, the calmer the children's behavior. This is the influence of the educational environment. Parents demonstrate more restrained emotions and a more even attitude to different situations. Their speech, movements, facial expressions are softer, and even noisy games performed by those over forty are not so noisy. Children unconsciously adopt all these traits and get used to just this way of life. They are more prone to contemplative entertainment; they begin to read, draw, and memorize poetry earlier than others. This does not bother parents; on the contrary, they even make them happy. The child demonstrates early observation and good knowledge of many issues. However, in the company of other children - on the playground, in the kindergarten - a certain separation from the team becomes noticeable. It's not that they can't play together, it's just that their rules of communication, their environment is not the same as that of most children. After all, even for preschoolers it is important to be, as they say, on the same wavelength with their play partner. “Be faster, more active, have fun with everyone,” parents say. But sometimes the child doesn’t even understand what they want from him. There is only one way to solve the problem of adult upbringing beyond your years - to involve other people in communication. Adults, but younger. Relatives, older children, friends. It is advisable for the child to go to kindergarten - even if the mother has the opportunity to devote herself entirely to the family. This will also contribute to activity and the formation of various behavioral traits.
Fear for the child
“I myself am a late child. I remember well the feeling when one of the children in kindergarten or school shouted: “Larissa, grandma has come for you!” On the one hand, it was a shame for my mother, on the other hand, of course, I was embarrassed. I decided for myself back then that I would only have children at a very young age. But ironically, everything turned out quite the opposite. Now I'm fifty-two. The children are thirteen and four. No one tells them that I am a grandmother - I pay a lot of attention to my appearance and have even had plastic surgery. But I still worry about how children perceive our age. I'm afraid that such a difference will still interfere with relationships later. In any case, it interfered with my relationship with my mother. We were never close." Larisa, mother of Sasha and Polina
Everyone understands that it is possible to predict the future only to a certain extent and that after five or ten years everything may not go exactly according to our plan. However, young people are characterized by an attitude called “unrealistic optimism” in psychology. Everything will be fine no matter what. Thoughts about the future among older people can also be positive, but they have more of a sober view and a connection of factors. In the sphere of parenting, such a pattern also exists. The older people are, the more worried they are about the future of their children. And these experiences are very detailed. What will we look like when our child graduates from school? Will we be healthy enough to take care of ourselves all the time? Will he distance himself from us? If something happens to us, who will support him? How does he even cope with having such parents? If such questions are intrusive, then the matter is, rather, not simply in the desire to take care and create good conditions. There is probably some deeper fear associated with one’s own experience and perception of age. This is certainly worth thinking about. Why does age scare you, how do you imagine a person in different periods of life, what kind of relationship do you expect. And - about what in this regard would be ideal for you, the child and the family as a whole. In reality, each person still chooses his own image of everything and follows it. As for children, the age of the parents, of course, matters and influences their upbringing. But not at all in the sense of “worsens, complicates.” Relationships are a complex and multifaceted structure, and all factors are interdependent. Emotions, words, views, willingness to listen, understand and accept, the ability to look at situations from different positions, the ability to rejoice and demonstrate a positive outlook on the world - everything influences whether a trusting relationship will develop with a child and whether he will be happy. And this, you see, does not depend on how old the parents are.
It would seem, live and be happy. A late child is almost always long-awaited. All conditions are created for him, they give him the best. Mom no longer wants to run away from her baby in the evening to the theater or to a friend’s; she is basking in motherhood. Even the pronoun “I” disappears from her vocabulary, being replaced by the pronoun “we”: “We are already holding our heads well... we are tormented by the gas in the evenings... we need to get vaccinated tomorrow...”
However, child psychiatrists are very critical. “Late children are a risk group,” says Professor Kozlovskaya. “They are very vulnerable physically, mentally, and especially psychosocially. Late pregnancy is often difficult, with fetal hypoxia and entanglement of the umbilical cord.
A woman usually cannot give birth on her own; she undergoes a caesarean section. And if she does give birth on her own, it can be a difficult birth. All this naturally affects the health of babies. Late children are more susceptible than others to all sorts of disorders: endocrine, allergic, psychosomatic. In the first year of life they are almost 100% painful.
Your grandma has arrived!
“I hated kindergarten,” recalls nineteen-year-old Nina. “But not because I had to sleep there during the day or because I was insulted there.” No, I had more fun in the garden with the children than at home. But every evening I waited with longing for the guys to shout: “Nina, grandma has come for you!” I didn’t dare tell them that it was not my grandmother, but my mother.
I was afraid of ridicule, and every time this was a serious trauma for me...”
But that's not so bad. After all, you never know what kind of ego injections children have to endure! Some are traumatized by their obesity, others by the need to wear glasses with sealed glass to correct squints, others by clumsiness, and still others by poor performance at school. We all faced ridicule in childhood and were afraid of something.
Another thing is more dangerous here: the fact that the “late” mother is not only physically, but also psychologically closer not to her mother, but to her grandmother.
Youth is characterized by recklessness. When I remember how my husband and I drove along the Caucasian serpentine road in forty-degree heat, and our two-year-old son slept, exhausted, in the back seat of a car, I feel terrible. But we, overwhelmed by the excitement of youth, seemed invulnerable to ourselves.
A few years later, having grown a little wiser and settled down, I treated my little daughter in a completely different way, much more carefully. And having given birth to her third child at the age of thirty-four, she generally tried to transport him as little as possible even around Moscow for up to two years, because she was afraid of infections and noticed that the baby was nervous about the noise of traffic and the abundance of new faces...
With a late child it is very difficult to avoid the so-called overprotection. Especially if he is the only one, suffered through suffering, and is not yet distinguished by enviable health. And overprotection gives rise to infantilism and children's fears. As a result, the child’s already unstable psyche is shaken even more. The world seems aggressive to him, full of dangers.
This attitude prevents children from communicating normally and serves as a breeding ground for the development of neuroses. In adolescence, when pride and the desire to assert oneself come to the fore, this often turns into desperate rebellion. “Like he’s broken loose, doesn’t want to listen to anything, has gone to great lengths” - these are the typical complaints of confused parents who don’t understand what happened to their until recently so dependent child.
Where can I find a playmate?
Young parents still have a lot of children in them. On the one hand, this is a minus, since adults sometimes become on the same level as the child. Dad plays board games with his son as if he were an adult partner and doesn’t want to give in to anything; mom is seriously offended by her daughter as a friend. But on the other hand, it is usually easier for them to play with the child, and run, and jump, and wrestle. They have not yet forgotten themselves in childhood, and they don’t sting in the side, they don’t grab the heart.
Late children also find themselves at a disadvantage here. They often have no one to play with, no one to tinker with.
Most of them, for health reasons, are “non-Sadov”, and their parents’ friends have children who are much older and are not suitable as friends. It’s easier for a mother to read a book to her child than to roll cars on the floor for hours. She would rather (and this is quite understandable!) teach him English words than crawl under the table, pretending to be a hare hiding in a hole from a fox.
That is why in the upbringing of late children there is such a noticeable bias towards the intellectual side. Most often, they mature early and are sensible beyond their years. But their intellectual maturity is combined with social immaturity. And being “underplayed” in childhood is fraught with an unexpected outburst of infantilism and an unsatisfied thirst for play at an age when, in fact, it’s time to begin to live not just for fun, but in earnest.
From anxiety to irritability
At the age of five or six, almost all children begin to think about death. But they usually don’t worry too much about their parents, because they are still young and full of vital energy.
Late children have a harder time with this too. They are already prone to anxious expectations, but here there are very real reasons for anxiety. Deprived of the company of peers, without brothers and sisters (and often grandparents!), the child feels lonely. He has no other support other than his parents, and the fear of losing them is very strong.
The anxiety of late children is intensified by the anxiety of their parents. Having received a long-awaited child in their declining years, they, of course, are very worried about his life and health. And children, like antennas, pick up on the mood of adults, and their own fears are amplified many times over when anxious waves emanate from their parents.
Anxiety, uncertainty, fear give rise to irritability. A person gets worried, cannot control himself and takes out his irritation on those whom he is not afraid of - usually on those closest to him. “Late” mothers feel insecure in the teaching field. On the one hand, they have no parental experience, and on the other, self-criticism is already very developed. They want to give their child the maximum, they experience their pedagogical mistakes much more acutely than young parents, and more often suffer from a feeling of inadequacy.
Striving for perfection, they often place increased demands on the child and compare him with other children. They often lack patience - it seems that they will not have time, there is little time left, the years are passing, they need to have time to invest as much as possible in the child.
And late children, as already mentioned, can be nervous, they often have attention deficit disorder, increased fatigue, excitability, and disinhibition. Even a professional teacher cannot always cope with them, much less an inexperienced mother.
Then mom buys a mountain of psychological and pedagogical literature and begins to follow the advice of specialists. But the advice given in different books is different, it is not possible to maintain any clear line, and therefore the result is zero. The mother becomes even more nervous and begins to lose her temper.
And who is always there? Who is the closest and most defenseless? Of course, child. The circle closes. Her dearest and most beloved, the one for whom she is ready to sacrifice everything in the world, finds herself under attack. And figuratively, and sometimes in the literal sense of the word.
Everything mentioned above mainly applies to only children. In large families, where, naturally, a late child may also be born, the situation is fundamentally different. Childbirth, as a rule, proceeds normally, without injuries or complications. Mom has a wealth of parenting experience; older children who have grown up become reliable helpers and nannies for the baby.
Late children follow the lead of their elders and acquire social and everyday skills much faster than others, just as they feel like a fish in water in a group of children of different ages. This makes their life much easier, including school life, because a significant part of the problems of school maladjustment are generated by the child’s psychological difficulties.
Late children in large families do not suffer from loneliness. A large family clan, older brothers and sisters are a reliable rear for them. And parents feel safer when they understand that if something happens, there is someone to take care of their little son or daughter.
All this creates much more favorable conditions for the mental and intellectual development of the child. Maybe that’s why there aren’t so many firstborns among great people? Thus, the great Russian scientist Dmitry Mendeleev was the fourteenth child in the family. German composer Ludwig van Beethoven is seventh.
The Spanish classic Cervantes is fourth, Chekhov is third. Prince Daniil of Moscow, to whom Moscow owes its rise, is named in the chronicle as the fourth of the sons (hence, there were also daughters in the family). An outstanding woman of Catherine's era, Princess Dashkova was born fourth. By the way, our current president Vladimir Putin is a late child. And not the firstborn either.
What do we tell our children and what do we actually communicate?
Lately I've been paying a lot of attention to what I say to my daughter. What she hears from others also catches her eye. And after sitting for a couple of hours in the kindergarten locker room and listening to the interactions between teachers and children, I realized that this was a severe test for my nerves. And the reason is not that teachers say something terrible.
The reason is that they do not think about what they are actually telling their children, what subtext their words contain. To be fair, I want to say that in kindergarten people say the same things that they heard in childhood, what their mothers told them, what today’s mothers say to their kids... In general, the most typical and common phrases. What is behind them?
. "Carefully!" - the lagging mother shouts after the running toddler. “The world around you is full of dangers!” - the child hears. And everything would be fine, but only if you live, fearing everything around you, then life turns into survival.
. “Why are you screaming so loudly? Do you want my ears to hurt???” - a statement from a kindergarten teacher. Its meaning boils down to the following: “Don’t show your joy, it makes me feel bad.”
. "Calm down! Do not Cry!" - we console our children. And by this we let them understand that they must carefully hide their resentment, sadness or pain from others, driving all their sorrows into the farthest corners of their souls.
. "Do not Cry! You’re stopping me from reading a book!” - said the teacher to my daughter, who was suffering from the fact that her mother left her alone and went to the store. And thus she made it clear that the adult aunt did not care about either herself or her experiences. What was more important at the moment was some kind of book.
. “Don't run so fast! Don't go so high! Do not shout so loud!" - we are besieging our children. And along with these words, the thought enters their consciousness: “Don’t live at 100%, restrain yourself and don’t take risks.”
. “Don’t whine and don’t ask! I still won’t give it (I won’t buy it).” And the child gets used to the fact that in this life it is useless to ask and want something. As a result, an adult does not know what he wants and what he strives for.
One of my friends told me that in their company all newcomers are asked to write 100 of their desires (material, intangible - it doesn’t matter). This is done to motivate staff (the person knows what he wants and how he can achieve it through his work). I really liked the idea, I also decided to record my desires on paper (it seemed to me that I wanted so many things...).
The first five “dreams” went well, then worse. In the end, I scraped together about 20 wishes. And when I thought about why I needed all this and whether I needed it at all, it turned out that one or two desires were really important to me.
When, in response to my daughter’s next request, I asked her, half jokingly and half seriously: “Don’t you need anything else?” Immediately I heard: “We must! I also want this flower. I also want to put a leaf in the pipe. I also want some candy. I also want to swing on the swing...” A little man wants everything, and this is one of his fundamental differences from an adult.
. “How long can you dig? Let me button your jacket myself.” And then we clip the child’s wings, because the subtext of this phrase is: “You won’t succeed anyway, it’s better that I do it right away instead of you.” Will the child want to continue learning how to fasten buttons (lace shoelaces, brush teeth, etc.)?
Great. It turned out that we are all saying it wrong. How then to communicate with a child, if every phrase has dire consequences? On the one hand, everything is simple. On the other hand, everything is complicated. The simplicity is this: you just have to watch what you say.
The difficulty is that tracking is akin to teaching a foreign language: in order to tell a child what you REALLY want to convey to him, you need
1. Realize what message is ready to come out of our mouth;
2. Translate it into what we really want and feel;
3. Say it in a new way.
For example, a baby is climbing high on a wall bars. The first thing I want to say is:
"Carefully! Don't go so high!
But in fact, this is not what we want to say at all (see above). In fact, we are simply scared for our little one. Therefore, in such situations, I began to say this: “You climb up so well, but I’m scared to look at you from below. Can I stand next to you?
As a rule, my daughter happily agrees to my presence and also clarifies: “So, aren’t you scared? Is that so?” At the same time, she feels terribly brave.
Option with crying (or with joy). In general, in all situations where feelings are present, the first step should be to acknowledge those feelings. After all, every person has the right to be angry, happy or feel pain. And every person enjoys this right.
So instead of saying: “Why are you crying? What's the matter?" It’s better to say: “I see you’re very upset. Do you want to tell me the reason?
Or if your child is squealing with joy and you have a headache, you can say, “It’s great that you’re having so much fun! But you know, I don't feel very good. Maybe you will rejoice in another room or here, but quietly?” Continuation
Late parenthood is rarely spontaneous; more often than not, it is a conscious step of people who have dreamed of procreation for many years, but due to various circumstances, the dream has come closer only in adulthood. Of course, such a child is not always the first and only: sometimes a baby is given birth in order to plunge back into parental care after the older children have grown up. Be that as it may, a late child is a special topic of conversation.
Parents are over forty
And those who have crossed the threshold of forty years decide to add to the family, fully aware of the future consequences, unlike newlyweds, whose children often “get” children inadvertently and, alas, sometimes become a burden.
An elderly married couple has a set of advantages that distinguish them favorably from a young couple:
Financial and career stability, coupled with an even psychological background, create fertile “soil” for the development of a late child: parents spare no time communicating with him, teaching and raising him.
Difficulties of education
But, of course, there are also pitfalls abound, which psychologists warn about, not forgetting to emphasize that these disadvantages are more typical for families with only one child than for families with many children:
increased parental anxiety and resulting overprotection of the baby; lack of confidence in one’s teaching abilities and “soul-searching”; self-exclusion of parents (due to health and age) from participating in joint outdoor games; negative attitude of others towards the fact of late parenthood; excessive demands in relation to the child, due to the awareness of the short duration of parental life; the family climate can also be spoiled by the fading sexual activity of the couple.
But forewarned means forearmed: psychologists assure that all possible negative factors can be overcome with reasonable comprehension and foresight. And it is precisely the older couple who can do this.
Psychological development of the child
The psychological “portrait” of a baby begins to emerge from the moment of birth and is closely related to the age of his parents.
By the way, older sisters and brothers can (and do) become quite “qualified” assistants to parents in raising the youngest member of the family, if we are talking about a large family.
Positive points, which are easy to notice in the development of late children:
they quickly establish contact with both peers and older children; they show a desire for independence very early; they get along well with adults and older people, because... have experience of daily communication with their “aged” parents.
True, there is a slight danger here: a child may deliberately contact those who are much older, considering peers to be less interesting and significant interlocutors.
Unfortunately, the list is more extensive negative psychological nuances accompanying the development of a late child:
a child may live in constant fear for the life and health of his parents; the baby may experience increased nervous excitability caused by parental “excessive demands” towards him; the child begins to manipulate his parents, realizing how dear he is to them; the child is deprived of the right to vote due to the fault of overly authoritarian parents; mom and dad raise their beloved offspring, guided by book pedagogical techniques, in isolation from life; the baby is not given any restrictive behavioral boundaries; a child may feel unwanted if he was conceived only to save the marriage; the baby is able to project onto himself the parental uncertainty and anxiety for his future.
And, as experts have noted, children born to fathers over 45 years of age have difficulty adapting to existence in society. This male age (45-55) is also considered critical for conception: there is an increased risk of having a baby diagnosed with Down syndrome, autism and schizophrenia. There is evidence that later children are more susceptible to manic-depressive psychosis.
Work on mistakes
It is clear that a wise, mentally stable couple is able to predict possible shortcomings and avoid them.
So that your child does not feel embarrassed for you, comparing you with the young parents of your peers, try to keep yourself in constant good shape: be sure to play sports, get interested in something, be aware of fashion trends, react to what is happening with a smile. Be willing to play with children without fear of seeming funny and naive.
Your child is not obligated to make your unfulfilled fantasies and career aspirations come true. Remember that a child is just a vessel given to you by God to keep. And he will stumble along his path on his own: you will not be able to predict and provide for everything.
Don’t “nag” your child - excessive criticism will hit the child’s self-esteem and give him a reason to avoid your company. The other side of the coin is condemnation of everyone except your child: you risk raising a monster who blames others for all misfortunes.
Do not go to extremes when communicating with your baby, controlling his every step or giving him complete freedom. Don't be too tough or too flexible: the child should feel your support and understanding every hour.
Prodigies
Not long ago, a very interesting study on late-born children was published in the UK: its authors claim that these children are superior in health and intelligence to their peers born to young mothers. It turned out that late children have higher immunity, they get sick less and visit doctors less often, and are less likely to end up in traumatic situations.
Late children are ideal patients for immunologists; they strictly follow the national vaccination schedule. They are also less prone to obesity - the scourge of modern society. By the age of five, these kids demonstrate an increased level of intelligence and excellent vocabulary compared to children of young parents.
Hello, dear parents!
Are children the flowers of life? Trite... Children are the greatest gift, our hope, our future? Or is it a huge responsibility, load and a lot of responsibilities? People can reason differently, and their point of view can change over the course of their lives under the influence of personal impressions and experiences - both their own and those of others.
Nowadays there are many different life views, almost philosophical systems regarding the family and the children in it. Some even come to a “childfree” lifestyle—that is, freedom from children.
Some adults do not want to grow up, many do not want to take care of someone, much less bear constant responsibility.
True, it also happens that an existing child is literally pushed onto the grandparents, while they themselves continue to live as they want. And the general trend in modern society is that more and more people are deciding to become parents at an older age than was recently the case. I already wrote about how good they are in a separate article.
And now I invite you to think about such a question as late children: the pros and cons, regardless of whether it is your first-born or not.
Better late
Whether to have children or not, and when to do it, is up to you to decide. Some people at the age of 20 already believe that they are morally mature for parenthood - this is especially true for expectant mothers. Please, no offense, but potential dads usually grow up later...
Someone deliberately postpones the birth of a baby in order to devote themselves to study, career and achieving a certain social and material well-being. Often a woman does not give birth because she is not sure that her current partner will support her decision and become a good father for the child.
What's the end result? The years fly by quickly, and now age begins to scare you in itself (what if you won’t be able to get pregnant, carry it to term and give birth, whether the baby will be healthy, etc. - a woman can invent her fears ad infinitum).
On the other hand, maybe only now the time has come when she understands that she really wants and is ready to take care of the child.
In general, everything has its time, and each family has its own time.
And let strangers, and relatives too, keep their opinions to themselves - both on the topic “why are you giving birth so late” (yeah, for example at 33 years old), and on the topic “why haven’t you given birth yet” (and you still and under 30 years old, or you never know, health problems, and in general this is your personal business).
Nature knows best?
There are many opinions expressed “for and against” late birth of children. There are compelling arguments for both points of view. Still, whatever one may say, a girl’s body from approximately 21 to 29 years of age is most adapted to conception, pregnancy and childbirth.
The tissues are elastic, genetic damage has not yet accumulated in the eggs, although a lot depends on lifestyle and bad habits. Most likely, there are fewer chronic diseases, but this is not always a matter of age.
And the health of the current young generation is a big problem. At this stage of our reasoning, we can already conclude that what is primarily important is not the passport age, but the biological age of a woman.
It is clear that at 60 years old the body will not correspond to that of a 20-year-old, but some women at 30-40 years old can maintain better health than some representatives of a younger age. By the way, why are we all talking about expectant mothers?
Of course, a man does not have to carry his long-awaited treasure for 9 months, and he can become a father at almost any age. Even if we are talking about IVF, he, of course, takes part in the birth of the child.
And as men age, they may also have problems producing genetically healthy sperm. But young people can also have problems. Therefore, again about the same thing - it’s not only about the number of years lived, and the state of health, and the attitude towards it.
Pros and cons of late children
pros
- The decision to give birth was made consciously.
- Often a woman is confident in the support of her family, regardless of whether this is her first child or not. Perhaps the marriage itself is not the first or even the second, but it gives hope for the stability of a conscious relationship. Then there may be a mutual desire to raise a common child, even if both spouses have children from previous marriages.
- The pregnancy was planned, they were preparing for it. Perhaps they were treated, and even for a long time. But finally, the coveted two stripes, the gynecologist confirmed the pregnancy. Now you need to observe, follow all the recommendations and set yourself up only for the good.
- Most likely, future parents have developed a mature adult psychology, and youthful carelessness and recklessness are a thing of the past.
- Probably, there is not only rich life experience, but also a certain material base. This will ensure the upbringing of the child and his full, comprehensive development. Late children are not necessarily geniuses, and there is no need to demand this from them. And they are often smart because they are given more attention, more work is done with them, thereby shaping the psyche and intellect.
Minuses
- Mom and dad are more likely to have chronic diseases, bad habits, and previous infections, including sexually transmitted infections.
- The statistics are inexorable - the older the mother, the higher the risk of having a child with Down syndrome. This is true, but early diagnosis of this disease is now available, and it is up to you to continue such a pregnancy, as with any other severe fetal pathology.
- In an older mother, labor may be more difficult and the risk of developing hypoxia in the fetus is higher. Therefore, childbirth is most often performed by caesarean section, but there must be certain indications for it. The doctor decides which ones and explains them to you. And this is an assessment of the condition of the mother and child, and not an age figure as such. And after 40, and even after 45 years, women can give birth themselves.
- Caring for a baby can be more difficult than it would be at a younger age.
- There is less chance of help from grandparents - both due to their age and, sadly, due to the fact that your child may not find them alive.
The better informed you are, the more informed decision you can make about having a late child.
There is no need to blindly follow the example of celebrity parents, for whom late children are the norm, but still, the trend of late marriages and the birth of children that came from the West shows us that you can become parents at almost any age.
And this can prolong your life, because it will be a huge incentive, because children need to be raised, and it is very desirable to see grandchildren, or even great-grandchildren. Why not?
Today we have discussed the pros and cons of having late children. If you liked the article, recommend it to your friends. Also don’t forget to subscribe to blog updates. We are waiting for you a lot of interesting things, don’t miss it.
See you soon, dear friends. And with you was Ekaterina Chesnakova with garlic, pepper and zest.
The trend of late motherhood around the world is not accidental: the higher a woman’s education level, the later she decides to have a child. That is why in countries with a high level of education the average age of a woman giving birth is 30-35 years, and women from underdeveloped countries become mothers at the age of 16-20 years. Wide opportunities for development, travel, various hobbies and the desire to make a career significantly outweigh the prospect of having a child in the prime of life.
No one is in a hurry to realize their reproductive function, but, alas, from a biological point of view, the human body has not undergone great changes. If we still have rudimentary organs, the restructuring of the body for later conception cannot be expected in the next thousand years. And still, from a biological point of view, the best age for the birth of a first child is 20-25 years old. In any case, up to 30. And when deciding to have a child at a later age, you will have to take into account many things that can affect conception, the course of pregnancy, and the unborn child itself.
Limited Ovulation Resources
Previously, women had many children and either gave birth, nursed, or were pregnant. And it was easy for them to conceive even in adulthood, since the ovaries rested a lot. Monthly injuries to the ovaries due to the release of a mature egg after 30 years can cause side effects such as ovarian cysts, endometriosis and other diseases that prevent conception. The situation can be saved by oral contraceptives, which will prevent the maturation of the egg and give the reproductive organs rest. Hormonal contraception will also save eggs, which are given to each woman in individual, but always limited quantities. The difference in the number of eggs in the ovaries is the reason that some people successfully become pregnant at 40, while others cannot conceive at 20. To be confident in your capabilities, if you decide to postpone pregnancy for a long time, doctors recommend taking an anti-Mullerian test hormone and undergo ultrasound diagnostics. Such an examination will answer the question: whether you can conceive at a late age or not.
Risks for the child
The risks of late pregnancy are most often speculations of that category of people who still use the word “old-timer”. The better a woman’s standard of living, health and activity, the lower the risk of giving birth to a child with a pathology. Unfortunately, not everything is measured by a healthy lifestyle, and sometimes genetics can play an unpredictable game. Thus, in women after 40 years of age, the reproductive organs become weaker and cannot suppress all pathological changes. This is confirmed by inexorable statistics: among 40-year-olds, 1 child with a pathology is born in 130 healthy ones, and among 20-year-olds, 1 in 550.
Psychological age of motherhood
Psychologists are convinced that while physical development is now accelerating at a remarkable pace, mental development, on the contrary, is lagging behind. Therefore, if it is better to physically give birth at 20-25, then to assess psychological readiness for this you need to add 10-12 years. Less than 30 - it doesn't work. And research shows that the average age of women giving birth around the world will only rise. Psychological readiness for motherhood is a willingness to monitor one’s health and lifestyle, confidence in one’s financial resources, and the ability to provide both oneself and the child with the best level of medical care and education. The later a child is born, the more consciously his upbringing is, the less risk for the mother of developing postpartum depression.
Physiological phenomenon
Data vary, but there is an opinion that late childbirth prevents osteoporosis and lowers cholesterol levels. Those who gave birth after 35 years have a much easier menopause and fewer problems with the genitourinary tract. A hormonal explosion in adulthood can relatively slow down cell aging and transform a woman’s appearance.
