Why is a child afraid of the dark and what to do? Advice from psychologists. What to do if a child is afraid of the dark Why is a 5 year old child afraid of the dark

I am afraid of darkness. Is it true. Not too much, of course, not to the point of pathology, and not always, but overall I’m afraid. And it all started in childhood. I remember one day I didn’t sleep all night: my mother’s coat on the hanger, which after cleaning had been hung on a nail to air out, suddenly “turned” into the Queen of Spades. I knew, of course, that it was a coat, but fear has big eyes! Moreover, my imagination did its job - the Lady almost naturally “moved” and seemed to be looking at me. I called my grandmother. She was a determined woman, sometimes even tough; after the war, huts like these were rebuilt themselves and the fields were plowed.

Grandma couldn’t find a better solution than to make me walk across the entire dark room to this terrifying hanger so that I could see for myself that it was just a coat. I will not describe all my childhood horror in the process of covering several meters of that path. Let me just say that the episodic fear of the dark stayed with me as a reminder of my childhood.

I suspect that my grandmother chose the wrong method. Therefore, when my own children began to declare that Babayki, ghosts, aliens and other “someone is there” had settled in their rooms in the dark, I began to act using different methods.

Statistics

1. Out of 100 mothers, 80 note that of all types of fear, their children are characterized by a fear of the dark. Thus, 8 out of 10 children aged 3 to 10 years are afraid of dark rooms.
2. In 80% of cases, fear of the dark is inherited. If the parents had it, then with a high degree of probability the child will also be afraid of the dark.
3. 10% of people on the planet have a fear of the dark throughout their lives.
4. In 2% it develops into a disease - nyctophobia.

Causes

Fear of darkness is not fear of the absence of light as such. This is the fear of the unknown and unpleasant that may be hiding in this darkness. Since in the darkness our brain does not receive a clear signal from our visual organs about the safety of the environment, some uncertainty arises. And if the imagination is rich, then it will quickly “complete” the missing elements. And please - the scary picture is ready! Children, as we know, have a greater ability to fantasize, which is why children's fears are so common.

Fear, as scientists have found, begins in a child during intrauterine development. It is then that the baby is already able to feel if the mother is worried, scared or very worried.

An unborn baby, of course, is not yet able to understand what exactly is happening, but his nervous system and brain perfectly “remember” the biological reaction to fear. As a result, the embryo gains the ability to fear. True, it’s still instinctive.

When does fear become conscious?

1. Children who sleep alone experience fear of the dark more often than others. Therefore, indirectly, the fear of darkness is the fear of loneliness. Even newborns can experience it.
2. If parents are into horror stories.“If you don’t eat porridge, I’ll call Babai” or “If you don’t stop playing around, an evil sorcerer will come for you!” In the dark, when a child relaxes before going to bed and mentally, like adults, replays the day’s experiences in his head, it is this “Babai” or “evil sorcerer” that can materialize in the child’s imagination in a dark room.
3. If elders watch horror films in the presence of a child, they tell creepy stories. Remember, the brain of a child, even a small and unintelligent one, captures vivid images and then reproduces them at the most inopportune moment.
4. If a child often watches news broadcasts with adults. Any randomly seen image in a story about a disaster, murder or attack can cause fear of the dark.
5. If the child is prohibited from doing too much.
6. If serious conflicts flare up in the family, in which children find themselves drawn.

There are several other factors that influence the development of fear of the dark. Oddly enough, only children in the family are more susceptible to this type of phobia than others. When there is no sister or brother to contact, the child's anxiety level is higher.

In addition, fear of the dark is often characteristic of children of older parents. The older the mother is at the time of the birth of the child, the more she and her household worry about the “late” baby. They run at the first call, ooh and ahh and throw up their hands. As a result, they grow up with a neurasthenic, easily excitable, infantile baby, very susceptible to fears, and not just the dark.

Children from single-parent families are often afraid of the dark. Moreover, the first “bells” of fear come, as a rule, during the period of divorce or the departure of one of the parents.

What should parents do?

1. Talk to your child

In all seriousness, it is good to find out from him what exactly he is afraid of, why, who lives in his dark room, what he can do to the baby and why he came in the first place? In other words, this way you can establish the factor that gave rise to the innate fear program.

2. Control what you see

It is necessary to ensure that the child does not have access to watching bloody and frightening films, or playing the same computer games. Any fear is like a fire; if you add wood to it, it will flare up more and more.

Watch your speech, try not to discuss negative topics in the presence of your child, and even more so, don’t frighten a naughty child with evil characters who “will come and take you to the forest.”

3. Explore the room and give a talisman

Try exploring a dark room with your child. Walk along it together or with the whole family, turning on the night light, and show your child that no one is hiding in any corner.

I’ll say right away that this advice doesn’t always work. The fact is that in the presence of parents, the baby seems to calm down. And as soon as night falls and the lights are turned off, he categorically refuses to be left alone. Because he sincerely believes that the monsters that dad and mom drove away will return. That's why I prefer "long-term" prevention.

Mom and dad leave someone or something in the child's room that can drive away monsters. Let it be a specially purchased toy or a new night light. The main thing is for the child to believe that with this thing he is now in no danger.

4. Visualizing fear and turning it into a good creature

Additional method. Ask your child to draw a monster - this way he will visualize it and understand that it is not so scary, because the imagination always draws more “colorful” pictures. Be sure to turn the monster into a benevolent monster at the end, draw him a wide smile and kind eyes. Talk and play with it with your child.

What should parents not do?

1. Criticize and laugh at the child. If your baby admits that he is afraid to be alone in his room or to go to bed in the evening because it is scary in the dark, do not criticize him or call him a coward. For you, these horror stories lurking in the closet are unreal. For a child, they are the most real. And he is not capricious when he communicates his fear, as some parents think, but expresses trust in you. He shares with you his main problem.
2. Knock out “wedge with wedge.” This is my grandmother's method. If a child is afraid of the dark, you should not deliberately lock him in a dark room so that he realizes that there is no reason to be afraid. This can cause panic and perpetuate the horror, making it a real phobia.
3. Under no circumstances should you join this game. If a child says that there is a dragon living under his bed, there is no need to look there and exclaim: “Oh, what a scary one! If you don’t obey, he’ll definitely come out and bite you by the leg!” The kid will believe it. And the fear will increase significantly.

Consequences

If parents ignore their child’s fear of the dark and do not take action in time, ordinary childhood fear can become a real pathology. Once formed, nyctophobia will entail a whole tangle of different fears. This can cause nervous and mental disorders in a child, and panic attacks throughout his life.

In addition, childhood fears, hidden deep in a person’s subconscious, will acquire a mass of unpleasant and unhelpful complexes for a normal life. Perhaps the child will not become a sick person, but low self-esteem, fear of change and responsibility are guaranteed.

Age stages of fear

2 years

Children, as a rule, begin to be afraid of the dark at the age of 2, when their imagination is already sufficiently developed and is capable of creating holistic images, including negative ones. But kids at this age cannot yet clearly and in detail tell their parents what is bothering them. Therefore, they may wake up at night, throw tantrums, stubbornly refuse to sleep in their crib and constantly ask to sleep with their parents.

3 years

At the age of 3, when the crisis associated with the first transitional age begins, the boundaries of the world around the child expand. He now knows that there is something else outside the apartment: a playground, a park, a kindergarten... As experience and knowledge accumulate, fears also grow. The child is able to talk about them, draw them at your request. Use this to eliminate the cause of your fear.

4-7 years

At 4 years old Almost all children are incredibly impressionable. They develop value judgments and remember events, dialogues, and faces well. Coupled with a wild imagination, all this can lead to a fear of the dark.

At 5 years old the child actively communicates with peers, and the reason for night fears can be a horror story told by someone in kindergarten or seen on TV. The baby is not yet able to distinguish fiction from truth, and his brain will immediately “draw” a frightening image. With five-year-old children, it is important to discuss fears, reason for themselves and teach the child to think logically.

At 6 years old a child is able to “see” characters from his favorite books and cartoons in the darkness of his room. Fantastic heroes, not always positive and kind, come, as luck would have it, closer to night. And how can you sleep here?

In addition, associative thinking develops at this age. So, an ordinary chest of drawers can become an evil monster, and a hanging coat (as it was in my case) a mystical creature. It is important to demonstrate to the child that there is no one in the room.

At 7 years old, fear of the dark may be a consequence of the stress that the child experiences in connection with the start of school. If persuasion does not help, rearrange the first-grader’s room. Let all frightening objects change their location.

8-10 years

At age 8, the fear of the dark usually subsides. But if the child is still afraid, there is no need to ignore his problems, thinking that “everything will go away on its own soon.”

At 9 years old, as well as at 10 years old, fear of the dark is not such a common occurrence. And usually it is due to the fact that the child’s psyche is changing at a rapid pace. This is a normal process, everyone just experiences it differently. If the fear of the dark is not panicky in nature, there is no reason to worry. With the help of a psychologist, parents can easily cope with an unpleasant situation.

When to contact specialists?

• If the child is already 10 years old, and he is very scared of a dark room and is afraid to sleep without light. Younger schoolchildren perfectly distinguish between truth and fairy tales. Therefore, stories about fantastic creatures living in the darkness of his room should be a reason to contact a psychologist or psychotherapist.
• If a child’s fear of the dark is associated with loud night tantrums, screams and even fear of death.
• If the fear of the dark is expressed in panic attacks. The child breathes unevenly and loses consciousness.

Watch the video and find out what to do if your child is afraid of the dark.

1. A child’s fear of the dark can only be overcome with him. The baby can't handle it on his own.
2. Properly identified cause fears will quickly tell you how to wean your child from being afraid of the dark.
3. If a child began to be afraid of the dark already at a conscious age (from 7 to 10 years), It makes sense to reconsider family relationships and find out how the child communicates in a team. Perhaps the reason lies in a conflict situation.
4. Give your child extra physical activity– enroll in sections or circles where a large release of energy will be required from him. There is simply no strength left for fears.
5. Show by personal example how you can overcome fears.
6. Get your child interested in drawing. The ability to transfer images from imagination to paper allows you to spill out emotions, and a drawn horror story ceases to be scary at all. Especially if the mother adds something of her own to the drawing, which will amuse the baby.
7. A graphic test helps a lot in combating the fear of the dark. Schoolchildren can handle it. Have your child write about their concerns. Discuss the “mini-essay” with him, and explain that “scary” words are just words. Pay your son or daughter's attention to how they write.
8. Use games to combat fear. Such, for example, as hide and seek. After all, there you need to hide in dark places. And in the process of an entertaining game, the child will not have time to feel fear.

Sign your child up for a consultation with a psychologist; if fear goes beyond all reasonable boundaries, do not ignore his call for help, do not discuss this with strangers so that your child does not lose trust in you. There are situations where fear of the dark is a manifestation of very serious problems. A specialist will help you understand them and tell you how to help your child.

Watch the following videos in which psychologists give their recommendations.

Little legs run along the corridor and quickly jump into your bed shouting “Maaaam, there’s a monster under my bed!” Sound familiar?

For anyone healthy and normal, experiencing fear is a completely natural reaction to learning about the world around us.

The most fearless age for boys is 4 years, and for girls - 3 years. Children from single-parent families have more fears, especially boys who live only with their mothers

IN 7-8 years old fears are alleviated, but new ones appear. A junior student begins to be afraid disapproving reaction on the part of parents, worry that they will not be able to meet their wishes and expectations. This is how school fears appear, for example, getting a bad grade or being late for school and “running into” a remark in the diary. After 8 years, children are increasingly afraid of losing their parents, afraid of death.

Often, with our excessive anxiety, we simply “infect” the child with fear, for example, of hitting or getting sick. True, it also happens the other way around: the lack of emotionality of parents and their excessive severity gives rise to a large number of fears in the child.

To quickly notice a problem related to parental relationships, ask your child about his dreams . If the characters are male, for example Koschey, then most likely there are problems with the father. If you dream of female characters from cartoons or fairy tales, then this is a reflection of a conflict with your mother.

Valentina Kindritskaya, psychologist:“Situations are dangerous when a parent of the same sex as the child is quite harsh towards him, and the opposite sex is gentle. For example, a strict father and a soft mother for a boy and, conversely, a strict mother and a father who loves to pamper for a girl. Typically, a child identifies with a parent of the same gender. The support and approval of a father is very important for a son, and for a daughter - her mother. If this mechanism of approval and support is disrupted, the child’s self-esteem decreases and a feeling of failure appears. And such a situation is fertile ground for the emergence of various fears.”

The normal lifespan of fears is 3-4 weeks . If during this period its intensity only increases, then we are talking about obsessive fear. But don’t worry: by the age of 9-10, you can still get rid of anxiety in a child’s character. You need to act softly and smoothly.

How to rid a child of fears

One of the best ways to get rid of fears is. Many psychotherapists use this particular practice in treating their young patients. Children relax and do what interests them. Ask draw your fears . The main thing is not to say how everything should be in this drawing, do not suggest color, size and do not try to make the drawing beautiful - its psychological component is much more important than the external gloss.

You can overcome fear by game form . Let your child choose several toys and simulate a situation that scares him. What is important here are the characters themselves and what the baby does with them.

Margarita Feseyeva, art therapist: “In my practice, there was a case when I invited a child to play with figures to find out what he was afraid of. He took a figurine, calling it Pie, and added to it an improvised Barmaley and Vovochka. The boy lost the situation when Barmaley forced Pie to eat a lot before going outside, and then Vovochka threw sand at him in the yard and called him names. After talking with my mother, I found out that their grandmother lives with them, who constantly overfeeds the child, which no one can cope with, and the boy almost always returns from the yard dirty and upset. Mom talked to Vovochka’s mom, explained the situation to her grandmother - and the problem was practically resolved.”

If the child , put him to bed at the same time every day, cuddle him before bed, make him feel safe. Buy him pajamas with his favorite cartoon characters, superheroes who will protect him all night, leave the night light on.

A common fear among younger schoolchildren is fear . To overcome fear, always before leaving, tell your child where you are going and when you will return, provide him with the opportunity to have an interesting game while you are away. Limit TV viewing , in particular, frightening news reports about disasters, tragedies and violence or cartoons/films with violent behavior of characters.

Whatever method of dealing with fear you choose, do not leave your child alone with his fears and phobias, do not ignore his complaints and do not laugh at his small problems (oh, how big they are for him!).

Remember that your child always needs your help and support, even if he doesn’t ask for it. All adult problems come from childhood, so make sure that your child does not have these problems!

Fear is a completely natural emotion that a person needs. After all, it is fear that manifests the instinct of self-defense, which is designed to save our lives. But in fact, fear of something does not arise spontaneously. In children, conscious fears arise only after three years, and are a natural stage of development. But what should parents do? How to properly respond to a child’s tantrums and the appearance of abnormal fears? So, today we will look at a situation where a child is afraid of the dark, we will clarify what to do when such fear appears, and we will give advice from a psychologist.

The fear of the dark in children most often arises suddenly. Just yesterday the child lay in the dark and fell asleep calmly in his crib, but today he is already capricious and completely refuses to be left alone in a dark room, even with the light of a night light. Even if we consider childhood fears as a completely natural stage of growing up, you still need to know how to react correctly to their appearance.

Where does fear come from??

In fact, parents themselves are often to blame for the development of strong fears of the dark in their child. Quite often, television plays the role of a provoking factor. After all, even if a child does not pay any attention to what is happening on the screen, this information is still read by his brain, and can manifest itself as fear. Therefore, lovers of scary films and news in the evenings should reconsider their priorities and turn off the TV when a baby is in the room.

Very often, the cause of fear in children is various “educational” techniques used by parents. It would seem that everyone already knows that it is unreasonable to scare children with babaya or wolves, but in fact, a huge number of adults constantly mention them when communicating with children.

Children also develop strong fears when there is a particularly tense psychological situation in the family. After all, kids react very subtly to conflicts and misunderstandings, even if they occur seemingly without their direct participation.

Therefore, the first stage in the fight against children's fears is to eliminate the reasons for their occurrence. In parallel with this, you need to begin correcting the problem that has already arisen.

How to deal with the fear of the dark? Psychologist's advice

Psychologists most often recommend that parents who are faced with an abnormal fear of the dark contact them for an appointment. After all, only a professional can assess how normal the child’s psychological state is. Also, a qualified psychologist can unearth the cause of abnormal fear using game techniques and suggest the most optimal methods for correcting such a problem.

Parents can try to cope with their children's fear of the dark on their own. So, children’s favorite books and fairy tales can come to the rescue in such a situation. You can tell your child a self-invented story in which the positive hero is identified with the child himself and successfully copes with his fear.

A variety of characters in fairy tales can be afraid of the dark, including those familiar to almost all children - the brave Winnie the Pooh or Cheburashka. If you choose a famous hero as the hero of a fairy tale, you can purchase him as a toy in the store and allow the child to sleep with his new protector.

You should not focus your child’s attention on fear. But at the same time, it is strongly recommended not to leave a baby who is afraid of the dark to sleep completely without light. You can take your baby and go with him to the store, where you can choose a suitable night light. In such a situation, fear can disappear quite quickly, because the room will no longer be so dark. But it’s better to place the nightlight not right next to the crib, but a little further away, so that it doesn’t shine in the baby’s eyes.

During the period of struggle with night fears, you need to create the most favorable atmosphere in the family for your baby. It is advisable that the child does not face any stress. Parents need to try not to scold the baby at all and exclude the influence of traumatic situations of any kind. By the way, psychologists note that children who are shouted at, or even more so physically punished, are much more likely to encounter the problem of night terrors.

Fear Visualization Method

This method of eliminating fear is great for working with children and is often practiced by psychologists. Experts advise sculpting fear out of plasticine or drawing it on a piece of paper. The resulting drawing or cast should not at all resemble anything real or even clearly defined. A child may well draw a bunch of lines and blots, or sculpt a shapeless mass. In any case, the resulting fear must be destroyed - torn or crushed. Before going to bed, you can tell the baby that now he definitely has nothing to fear, since all fears were destroyed by him.

When faced with a child’s fears, you should definitely reconsider your daily routine. The baby should receive a sufficient amount of physical activity and expend all the accumulated energy during the day. It is also extremely important to organize a bedtime ritual and stick to it every day. All actions before a night's rest should be consistent and familiar, for example, cleaning up toys, bathing, putting to bed, reading a book and a lullaby.

And many psychologists recommend adding more joy and fun into the lives of children who are afraid of the dark. It’s worth laughing, joking and having fun with the whole family more often. According to psychologists, a child in such an atmosphere will become calmer and even smarter, which means he will quickly understand that he has nothing to fear.

Even some adults are afraid of the dark. And there’s nothing to say about children - every second child under ten years old is afraid of her.

Therefore, scientists took this phenomenon seriously and gave it the name nyctophobia.

Here we will tell you how to help a child if he is afraid of the dark.

Give your baby a night light

This is the simplest solution; it does not eradicate the problem, but it helps the child not experience wild horror when he suddenly wakes up at night.

Fear of the dark is an irrational phenomenon and therefore no amount of research “look, there’s no one right there - under the bed” will help the matter. A small child continues to be afraid of invisible creatures - ghosts, monsters, unknown animals.

Therefore, just put a night light in your child’s room, and let him at least be able to sleep peacefully without sweating from fear every time you turn off the light. You can leave the door to his room ajar so that the light from the corridor falls a little into his room..

Humanize your child's monsters

The child will not believe you if you say that monsters do not exist at all, that there is no one in the room, and that he should sleep peacefully and not throw a tantrum. As soon as you leave your baby's bed, his imagination will again see something terrifying behind every unlit object, behind every rustle and knock.

This is how nature wanted it - so that we could see danger everywhere and be ready to run away. How else? After all, you won’t survive otherwise! It’s just that in a civilized society there is no need to be wary of every sound, but small children do not understand this.

Therefore, immerse yourself with your baby in the world of his fantasies and try to turn it from terrifying into funny and cute. For example, if a child thinks that there is a monster living under his bed, then you can think that he is not that evil. On the contrary, he is very kind, he just looks quite intimidating, and therefore is embarrassed to go out into the world. And he settled under the bed, because he has nowhere to live, and it’s cold outside. You can even try to draw a monster and add something funny and harmless to the picture.

Let the baby also participate in these ideas, and gradually he will learn to feel safe in his home, even if it is not lit.

Help your child create a protector for himself

It could be a teddy bear, Batman, a fairy-tale character, or even a child's drawing hung on the wall - it doesn't matter. The main thing is to come up with an interesting story with your child that tells how this hero watches over his safety at night and steadfastly repels any attacks from terrible monsters.

Despite the effectiveness of such fantasy methods, it is important to note that you should not get carried away with them. Otherwise, you can cause the opposite effect: joint fantasies about monsters will become confirmation of their existence, and the hope of a favorite toy as a protector will cause the child to feel absolutely helpless without this toy. So use these methods carefully and in doses.

Monitor what your child watches

Be attentive to what your child watches, plays, and reads. Horror films, thrillers, slashers and similar genres should be prohibited for him. Pictures of cruelty and violence have a very strong impression on young children and are inevitably stored in their memory. And their rich imagination happily retrieves these images from the “storage”, slipping in frightening images every time the lights in the room turn off and everything around becomes strange and difficult to distinguish.

Take care of your baby’s psychological comfort

Children are very sensitive. Parents' quarrels and mother's tears have a depressing effect on the child. So, don't quarrel in front of your child. In general, everything you say and do, and even feel, is projected into the child’s soul and can cause fears and even physical illness.

Make sure that the child is not afraid of you, parents. Protect your child from traumatic information that may frighten him: for example, do not reveal to him all the details of your problems at work or constantly complain about feeling unwell.

Of course, you shouldn’t completely close your baby off from the whole world, but protecting him from the most traumatic things while he is not yet grown up and psychologically strong enough is your direct responsibility. It cannot be said that any of these methods is the most effective and efficient - rather, their should be applied and taken into account in a comprehensive manner. And if you put enough effort into this, then over time your child’s fear of the dark will disappear without a trace.