A child-manipulator is a child with a tendency to influence others (adults and peers) in a targeted and expedient manner, selecting actions, words, emotions, intonations and wording in order to obtain the desired reaction or answer (see). The manipulator, aka, arranges interesting and complex multi-moves.
Illustration
- Picnic
The family is getting ready for a picnic, the son suddenly says: “You know, I don’t feel like it. I’d rather stay at home and read books...” (clearly, he’s lying, he doesn’t plan to read any books). But when he made such a statement, and the family was already all set, what should all the adults do? Now everyone will persuade him, promise him joy and entertainment. And the child will show that - no, you know, it’s still somehow not interesting enough... In the end he will agree, but then at least the parents will assign all the preparatory troubles not to him, but to the stupid sister who initially I found enthusiasm...
A child aged one and a half years is a talented, already fully formed manipulator who knows how to set up and knock adults down.
Manipulative child: congenital or acquired
Some children seem to be born with inherent manipulative tendencies.
These are not evil children, and manipulation is not a negative, but a neutral characteristic. But they love to spin, play with others, they have no (or almost) no simple emotions. Everything they do, they do for a reason. They may well be sincere, but they do the same thing as any other condition to effectively influence others.
And other children are born simple, unsophisticated. They don't make things up, they feel what they feel and say what they feel. See→
Prerequisites for development
There is an assumption that a manipulative child is a child with a weak fear center. They shout at him, but he is not afraid. He listens to the scream, looks at the screaming face and, as usual, looks for options to get what he needs.
What pushes a child to develop into the manipulative child type?
The first possible circumstance is the natural development of the child, his mastering of more effective forms of influence (this may be the child’s personal creativity, or the result of the influence of adults - their training or a product of infection).
The second possible circumstance is the child’s unsuccessful relationship with his parents, as a result of which the child develops distrust, secrecy, a desire to attract attention, seize power, or take revenge on parents through manipulative games. See Causes of conflict behavior.
Development direction
A manipulative child can be either an innate or acquired type of behavior (a child’s personality trait). A child may be born a manipulator, or perhaps a simple, ingenuous child. It seems that a manipulator can develop from a simple child over time, but the manipulator, according to observations, does not turn into a simple-minded child.
On the Sinton forum I came across this position from a woman:
When ALL measures have been tried, all attempts at persuasion and “good” methods, talking from a position of strength is the only effective one.
Appealing to the good side is useless here. The manipulator pursues his own strict goals. Coddling and flirting with terrorists is unwise. Manipulation is a technique below the belt and, in essence, the use of force. Responding force to force is quite adequate. The main thing is to be effective.
Question: how applicable is this to a manipulative child?
Ekaterina Morozova
Reading time: 8 minutes
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Many mothers know firsthand about children's demonstrative tantrums. Of course, we are not talking about situations when the baby is sick, upset, or simply misses parental attention. We talk about little manipulators and what to do for parents who are “backed into a corner.”
The most favorite techniques of child manipulators - how does a child manipulate adults?
Not all children tend to throw manipulative tantrums. As a rule, only those children who used to being the center of attention and get everything you want on a platter.
Such hysteria is always expressed violently, and many parents forced to compromise or even give up and give in. Especially when it happens in public.
So, In what form does the “terrorism” of small manipulators usually manifest itself?
- Hyperactivity (not to be confused with hyperactivity caused by psychological reasons)
The child turns into a “jet plane”: he fits into every nightstand, flies around the apartment, knocks over everything, stomps his feet, screams, etc. In general, the more noise, the better. And even my mother’s shout is already attention. And then you can make demands, because the mother will do everything so that “the child does not cry” and calms down. - Demonstrative absent-mindedness and lack of independence
The child is excellent at brushing his teeth, combing his hair, tying shoelaces, and collecting toys. But in front of his mother, he plays the helpless baby, categorically not wanting to do anything or doing it deliberately slowly. This is one of the most “popular” manipulations, the reason for which is the overprotection of parents. - Soreness, injury
This is also a common children’s trick: the mother looks in horror at the thermometer heated on the radiator, urgently puts him to bed, feeds him delicious jam and reads fairy tales, without leaving a single step from the “sick” little one. Or he kisses a light scratch on the child’s leg and carries him 2 km in his arms, because “I can’t walk, it hurts, my legs are tired, etc.”
So that your baby doesn’t have to deceive you, spend more time with him. If a child feels that he is loved and that he is important, then the need for such performances simply disappears for him. A dangerous situation can arise if such performances are encouraged - one day the child may actually injure himself so that they will finally pay attention to him.
What to do? Contact a doctor immediately as soon as your child declares an illness or injury (do not scare doctors, just contact them). Children of doctors and do not like injections, so the “cunning plan” will immediately be revealed. Or the disease will be detected in a timely manner and treated. - Tears, hysterics
A very effective method, especially if used in public. There, mom definitely won’t be able to refuse anything, because she’ll be afraid of being judged by passers-by. So we boldly fall to the ground, knock our legs, scream, swear, “You don’t love me!” etc. If this situation is familiar to you, it means that your child has already learned the rule that “mom can be controlled with hysterics.” - “It’s not my fault!”
This is a cat, brother, neighbor, classmate, etc. By shifting the blame onto another, the child tries to avoid punishment. In the future, this may deprive the child of his friends and basic respect. Therefore, never shout or scold your child for misbehavior and mischief. Let your child be sure that he can confess everything to you. Then he will not have any fear of punishment. And after he confesses, be sure to praise the child for his honesty and calmly explain why his trick is not good. - Aggression, irritability
And all this in order to make the wish come true for another batch of soap bubbles, another doll, ice cream in the middle of winter, etc.
Do not pay attention to the behavior of your little manipulator, be adamant and unperturbed. If the “audience” does not react, then the actor will have to leave the stage and do something more useful.
Manipulating a child is not just a matter of “fragmenting the nerves” of parents, it is also very serious negative attitude towards the future for a child. Therefore, learn to communicate with your child in such a way that he does not have to resort to manipulation.
And if this has already happened, eradicate it immediately so that manipulation have not become a habit or way of life .
What to do when a child manipulates his parents - learn to tame the little manipulator!
- Is this the first time your child has thrown a tantrum in a public place?
Ignore this hysteria. Step aside, be demonstratively distracted by something, or distract the child with something so that he forgets about his hysteria. Having succumbed to manipulation once, you will be doomed to fight hysterics constantly. - Did your child throw a tantrum at home?
First of all, ask all relatives who are “spectators” to leave the room, or leave yourself with the child. Gather yourself internally, count to 10, strictly, calmly and confidently explain to your child why you cannot do as he demands. No matter how much the child screams or becomes hysterical, do not give in to provocations, do not deviate from your demand. As soon as the baby calms down, hug him, tell him how much you love him, and explain why his behavior is unacceptable. The hysteria repeated? Repeat the entire cycle again. Only when the baby understands that nothing can be achieved with hysteria will he stop using them. - "I want, I want, I want..."
It is a well-known technique for children to put pressure on their parents and do things their way, despite everything. Stand your ground. Your “mantra” should be the same - “homework first, then the computer” or “first put away the toys, then go to the swing.”
If a child continues to put pressure on you with hysterics or other methods of manipulation, and you have banned him from the computer for 3 days as punishment, stick to these 3 days, no matter what. If you give up, consider that the “battle” is lost. The child must know that your word and position are ironclad. - Lies and little lies “for salvation”
Maintain a trusting relationship with your child. The child should trust you 100 percent, the child should not be afraid of you. Only then will the child’s small and big lies (for any purpose) pass you by. - Behavior to spite mom
Demonstratively untidy toys, ignoring your requests, returning home late when you ask “to be at 8!” etc. This is how the child expresses his protest and shows that he won in this “battle”. Don't get rowdy, don't shout, don't swear - it's useless. Start with a heart-to-heart conversation. It didn’t help - we turned on restrictions on the phone, computer, walks, etc. Was it in vain again? Change the way you communicate with your child: get him interested in a new hobby, find something he has an interest in, spend as much time as possible with him. Look for an approach to your child, cutting off the carrot and stick method in favor of constructive dialogue and compromise. - “Give me the computer! I won't do my homework! I won't wash my face! I want a computer, that’s all!”
The situation is probably familiar to many (in different variations, but for modern children, alas, it is becoming very common). What to do? Be smarter. Let the child play enough, and at night calmly take the equipment and hide it (give it to the neighbors for safekeeping). Then tell your child that the computer broke down and had to be taken to be repaired. Repairs are known to take a very long time. And during this time you can have time to switch the child’s attention to more realistic activities. - Is your baby tormenting you and your neighbors with screams, kicking his legs, rolling on the floor and throwing toys?
Take him in your arms, open the window and, together with the baby, throw these vile “capricious children” out into the street. The child will enjoy the game, and the hysteria will go away on its own. It is much easier to distract a toddler from hysteria than a teenager. And it is at this age that the truth must be reinforced in the child - “you can’t achieve anything with whims and hysterics.” - Playing on parents' feelings or emotional blackmail
This usually applies to teenagers. The teenager shows with all his appearance that if mom (dad) does not fulfill his demands, then the teenager will feel bad, sad, hurt and in general “life is over, no one understands me, no one needs me here.” Ask yourself: will your child actually be happier if you make concessions? And won't this become a habit for your child? And won’t your concessions affect the child’s development as a member of society? Your task is to convey to the child that life is not only a “want”, but also a “need”. That you always have to give up something, look for a compromise on something, put up with something. And the sooner a child understands this, the easier it will be for him to adapt in adult life. - “You are ruining my life!”, “There is no point in living when you don’t understand me!” - this is already more serious blackmail, and cannot be ignored
If a child throws out such words because you didn’t let him go to a bench in the yard with his friends and forced him to do his homework, stand your ground. First lessons, then friends. If the situation is really serious, then allow the teenager to do as he wants. Give him freedom. And be there (psychologically) to support him when he “falls.” Sometimes it is easier to let a child make a mistake than to prove to him that he is wrong. - The child defiantly moves away
He doesn’t make contact, doesn’t want to talk, locks himself in the room, etc. This is also one of the children’s manipulation strategies that requires a solution. First of all, establish the reason for the child’s behavior. It is possible that the situation is more serious than you think. If there are no serious reasons, and the child simply uses this method of “pressure,” give him the opportunity to “ignore” you as long as his patience lasts. Demonstrate that no emotions, tricks or manipulations can cancel the child’s responsibilities - clean up after himself, wash, do homework, be on time, etc.
Mistakes parents make when communicating with manipulative children - what not to do and say?
- Don't let the situation get worse. Teach your child to negotiate and seek compromise, do not cherish his manipulative behavior.
- Don't blame yourself for being "tough" when a child cries in the middle of the street after not receiving the next batch of cars. This is not cruelty - it is part of the educational process.
- Do not swear, do not shout, and do not use physical force under any circumstances
- no slaps, slaps on the head or screams of “well, I’m right for you!” Calmness and confidence are your main parenting tools in this situation.
If the hysteria is repeated, it means that persuasion is not working - be tough. The moment of truth is not always pleasant, and the baby must understand and remember this. - Don't give long lectures about "good and bad". Firmly state your position, clearly formulate the reason for refusing the child’s request, and stick to the chosen path.
- Do not allow a situation where a child falls asleep after a quarrel without making peace with you. A child should go to bed and go to school in a state of absolute calm and awareness that his mother loves him and everything is fine.
- Do not demand from your child what you cannot do yourself. If you smoke, do not ask your teenager to quit smoking. If you don't particularly like cleaning, don't ask your child to put away toys. Teach your child by example.
- Do not limit your child in anything and everything. Give him at least a little freedom of choice. For example, what kind of blouse does he want to wear, what side dish does he want for lunch, where does he want to go, etc.
- Don't let your child ignore your own needs. Teach him to consider your needs and desires. And also try to take into account the child’s wishes.
And most importantly, don’t ignore your child. . After the incident is over, be sure to kiss the child and hug. Having set the boundaries of behavior for your child, do not move away from him!
Have you ever had to find an approach to a manipulative child? Share your parenting experiences in the comments below!
It is very unpleasant when a child manipulates adults. Children are very good at manipulating adults through various methods of their own, but this is fundamentally wrong, because in the end, who should raise whom?! Children of parents or parents of children? So let's figure out what manipulation is. And what to do when a child manipulates his parents.
Children manipulate adults
What is manipulation anyway? Manipulation in children is the influence on parents or adults using covert, indirect methods. Children are very cunning in their actions, and have no doubt, they are insidious and capable of achieving their goal by any means :) If parents are “led” to such manifestations of character, then this develops in the child, no matter a boy or a girl, such character traits as:
- Cunning
- meanness
- Hypocrisy
Not at all pleasant character traits, are they? It seems that no parent wants to see a scoundrel in their child. Let's figure out where children's manipulations come from and what to do if a child manipulates. We'll figure it out at the same time.
Where does children's manipulation come from and how do children manipulate their parents?
Most often, children who do not receive enough care and affection from adults are prone to manipulation by their parents. Thus, through manipulation, the child tries to attract attention to himself and it doesn’t matter in what ways. The child manipulates by crying or telling him that something hurts. In short, by hook or by crook, the child will seek attention from adults. Moreover, if the trick worked, the child will consciously or unconsciously repeat again and again the actions that led to the achievement of the desired attention from the parents.
To the point that the child will get sick again and again, or hurt his forehead. All this happens unconsciously in a childish way, but for the future it leaves a very significant imprint on the psyche of an adult. In addition, manipulation so transforms the child’s psyche that it leads to sudden outbursts of aggression and hatred if the trick suddenly fails. That is, the problem of parents manipulating a child must be solved as soon as possible.
What to do if a child manipulates?
First, let's figure it out: how to recognize manipulation? If you observe that a child in a certain situation behaves systematically in the same way, right down to movements and facial expressions, then this is manipulation. Moreover, if all the “symptoms” go away immediately after achieving the desired goal. And now the hardest part: in order to get rid of such an unpleasant illness, you need to completely kill the feeling of pity for the baby. Nobody talks about cruelty and indifference! No! Replace pity with love. Say kind words to your child, show affection, prove to the child that he is worth something and is respected in his family. . Feeling such love and attention for oneself over a long period, day after day the manipulations on the part of the child in relation to adults will become obsolete and become useless. Below, point by point, we will specifically understand how to counteract manipulation on the part of the child.
How to behave when a child manipulates his parents?
- How to deal with hysterics.
Hysteria is the most common way for children to achieve what they want, but if you talk to the child calmly, I will show some indifference. The main thing is to control yourself, because this is exactly what the child is trying to achieve: to piss you off. and throws a tantrum, you can even move away from the child for a while so that you can get your nerves in order without him crying, and then try to talk. Most likely, during your absence the child will calm down on his own. - Aggression.
When a child shows aggression or irritability, the purpose of such a performance is to show parents a performance in which, after the curtain, you will have to indulge all his cherished desires. Exit? Deprive your child of spectators, that is, of yourself. In other words, let the child understand that his “performance” does not interest you in any way; seeing that the scene did not work out, the child himself will abandon the idea of manipulating in this way. - Slowness.
Being a “kapushka” is a way to manipulate parents. The purpose of such manipulation is to make it clear to adults that they would do the same work or a certain action faster than they would wait for the child. The logic here is simple: set a clear time frame for the child. For example, say that if he doesn’t have time to do something, he will be left without a walk. By the way, as an option, a child can, for example, take a long time to get dressed, hoping that his parents will leave him alone and not take him to kindergarten. Let your child understand that he will still have to go, even if it is late. It is very important to counteract procrastination by showing your child that you will strictly keep your promises. That is, if you said, for example, that the child will be left without breakfast if he doesn’t have time to do something, then actually do it. - Injury.
Of course, this method of manipulation is the most unpleasant for a child, but he is ready even for this in order to get the attention of adults. The baby may deliberately or subconsciously hurt himself in order to evoke the compassion and attention of his parents. Behave immediately with restraint, making it clear to the child that nothing irreparable or terrible has happened. Stay positive, praise the child for pulling himself together so quickly if he fell, immediately say kindly “Come on, get up,” praise the child for his courage. This will speak favorably on the child in the future.
I would like to say something special about when a child is ready for any manipulation just to get to the computer. And the result of manipulation on the part of the child can be a conflict between parents, when the behavior of a son or daughter is perceived completely differently, even to the point of a quarrel. Therefore, you can read about that, or your husband. Forewarned is forearmed!
To summarize, I would like to note that parents’ manipulation of children causes harm primarily to children, rooting negative attitudes in the child’s psyche. We hope our article helped you understand what to do if a child manipulates his mother. Therefore, I would like to say again that During the child’s difficult period, maintain a positive attitude, making it clear that everything depends on the child, that he is the maker of his own destiny and has the responsibility and power to solve any problems. As a rule, the most difficult period for a baby and child is one that deserves special attention.
Adolescence is a difficult time not only for the child who experiences it, but also for parents. Often teenage behavior is disturbing and deservedly irritating. A particularly unpleasant story is manipulation. Let's figure out how they work
The main types of teenage manipulation and ways to combat them
Adolescence is a difficult time not only for the child who experiences it, but also for parents. Often teenage behavior is disturbing and deservedly irritating. A particularly unpleasant story is manipulation. Let's figure out how they work.
Manipulation- this is a hidden psychological influence on a communication partner in order to achieve beneficial behavior from him.
Let's look at the reasons, main types of teenage manipulation and ways to cope with them.
Why does a teenager manipulate?
Let us remember that one of the most important tasks of adolescence is to learn to make independent decisions and take responsibility for them. A growing child must become an adult, and often he has to win back his independence and self-sufficiency.
But sometimes the solution to this problem is understood by a teenager as a desire to do what he wants: hanging out late, staying with friends overnight, not going to school, playing the computer excessively, and so on.
It is important to note that independence and responsibility are two necessary components for the development of a teenager. So there must be a certain degree of freedom. There must be areas of responsibility that you can completely entrust to a teenager and leave to him.
At the same time, we must not forget that the boundaries of what is permitted are also the most important condition for development. And it is important to define and defend these boundaries; this is necessary both for the teenager himself and for all members of his family.
Only parents or significant adults who are involved in education can set boundaries. It is important to identify and agree on the consequences for violating them. Rules must be reasonable and age appropriate.
Teenagers do not always want to respect the boundaries of discussed agreements; violations of norms and rules are typical for this age. Sometimes the desire to be an adult is understood as “doing what I want.”
In order to achieve their goals, teenagers resort to different methods. One of them is manipulation in dialogue with parents, an attempt to achieve beneficial behavior from parents through emotional influence. It is important to detect in time that you are being manipulated and not fall into this trap.
How to detect if you are being manipulated?
The main helpers here are your feelings, because they act as markers of what is happening.
Manipulation causes the following feelings:
Shame
The teenager seeks to “shatter” the parental position and provoke a feeling of shame. As a rule, expressions like: “Vasya’s parents allow everything...”, “Lena can share everything with her parents, and they understand her...”, “Tolya has complete freedom, but I’m like in prison...”, “You don’t do anything.” you see, I’m completely behind the times…” and so on.
The emphasis is on someone being a better parent. The statements are aimed at inducing a feeling of shame, which is one of the main tools for manipulation.
Fear
Messages of this kind are associated with a threat to the teenager’s safety and the parents’ inability to influence this. “Now I’ll leave and won’t come back...”, “If you don’t let me in, I’ll run away...”, “If you don’t give me money, I’ll go and steal it...” and so on. The goal is to evoke a feeling of anxiety or fear, which is an excellent tool for manipulation.
A parent is ready to do anything to avoid exposing their child to danger and risk.
Guilt
Posts from this group are intended to induce strong feelings of guilt. Every person always has many reasons to feel guilty before their loved ones. For example, insufficient material well-being (“everyone has the latest model of smartphone”), parents’ divorce, the fact that his parents work a lot and spend little time with him, that the school he studies in is not good enough, and in general - “Everyone has normal parents, not like you.”
A strong feeling of guilt is a good tool for manipulation. When a parent feels guilty, he is ready to meet halfway on many issues against his will.
Anger
This universal feeling, like all the previous ones, is accompanied, among other things, by anger and irritation. But such a strong feeling may arise that it is almost impossible to bear. I want to stop it as soon as possible.
As a rule, it is caused by long and persistent demands or “whining”. When a teenager does not stop, and does not stop, and continues to insist or “moan.” It is important that this happens for quite a long time and one gets the feeling that it is impossible to hide or escape from it.
Powerlessness and helplessness
The above feelings often give rise to a feeling of powerlessness, “give up”, the parent gets the feeling that he is not able to influence anything.
To cause powerlessness in a parent means to achieve a goal, because a helpless parent is no longer able to insist on his own and limit the teenager in anything.
How to resist a teenager's manipulation?
Notice your feelings. P Remember that feelings are markers of what is happening, they will allow you to notice the beginning of manipulation in time. Understand the mechanism of manipulation.
Remember that all offensive and not very pleasant words and actions are just a way for a teenager to achieve his goal.
Do not use manipulation yourself in dialogue with your child. - in this way you teach him dishonest methods of behavior.
By personal example, teach your child to build a dialogue honestly and in an adult way, to treat words, agreements, and rules responsibly . Analyze - manipulation of which feelings works most “effectively” with you - feelings of guilt, fear, etc….
It's important to understand why this happens , this understanding will allow you to become more resistant to manipulation.
Either way, remember that you don't have to be a perfect parent! No one is perfect, including you, and this is not a reason to break the rules and behave with you as you please... published.
Any questions left - ask them
P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness, we are changing the world together! © econet
Mom and dad should know what to do if a child manipulates his parents. After all, this happens quite often. This is a natural development situation. At a young age, children simply have no other opportunity to force and convince adults to do as they want. Therefore, there is no point in scolding them for this; it is much more important to realize what they are doing and avoid reacting directly to their threats, tears and lamentations.
Cry. The most famous way to control a parent is to cry. Such a system developed by itself when, at a younger age, children began to be pitied and appeased if tears appeared in their eyes. Around the age of 2-3 years, a child begins to use crying as a form of begging and forcing adults to do something. It’s one thing when he sobs bitterly from a bruised place, it’s another thing when he runs after his parents, sobbing and whining.
Hysterics. The child sensitively picks up on the parents’ weaknesses, and if he understands that screams, crazy hand movements and howls most upset mom and dad, then he begins to do this in the right situations. Children do not know how to experience shame and embarrassment. These feelings appear at an older age, and therefore without problems in public places. If this happens from time to time, then the baby has put tantrums on the line.
Attachment. Kids quickly figure out things that make adults melt. If a parent smiles touchingly at words of love from a child, then this will not go unnoticed by him and it is possible that next time he will say this in order to make adults feel sympathy for him. The same goes for hugging and kissing. If this is manipulation, then the child, in response to the parent’s phrase that he still won’t get what he wants, will quickly push away mom or dad and run away.
Parents' competition. Children know for sure that mom and dad, no matter how much they love each other, always compete with each other, and therefore, with a categorical answer, moms go to dad, who, it is possible, will do the opposite. They can also, after receiving a gift from mom, brag to dad so that he will try to be better than her.
Cold War. If they refuse to do their usual chores all day long, arguing over clothes, food, sleep and every little thing, there is evidence of their dissatisfaction and an attempt to get from the parent a concession or thing that is important to them. This manipulation is aimed at starving out the parent, exhausting him with endless, seemingly correct discussions about why he should go to bed and so on.
Resentment. Pouting or a mannered reluctance to talk is an obvious attempt at manipulation to get what you want. This is what children 2-5 years old most often do, trying to get their parents to pity and condescend to their demands.
Reasons for manipulation
Adults achieve their interests by trying to argue their point of view and taking responsibility for the result. Kids have limited capabilities in this regard, so they try to push through their desires using not logic and their strength, but emotions.
The human emotional world is imperfect. All our feelings of experience, character traits reflect human attachment and inability to survive on our own. People naturally find it difficult to break up, to experience failures, to hurt someone, to make someone suffer. The child takes advantage of this imperfection, subconsciously offering his parents a deal: “You do what I want, and you will get positive feelings: joy, calmness, my happiness, and so on.” Parents who are emotionally dependent and have difficulty extracting positive experiences from other adults and the world around them are the ones who fall for this deal the fastest.
Therefore, the reason for manipulation is not only that the child is small and naturally wants to achieve control over the parents, but also that mothers and fathers do not see other ways to enjoy life than to please their child. Also, sometimes parents misinterpret pedagogical recommendations to take care of their child and strive to indulge all their children’s desires, taking at face value all their tears, tantrums, kisses and words of love.
What to do
Children manipulate their parents consciously and unconsciously. Unconscious manipulation is when the mechanism for achieving one’s goal has not been worked out. The child is really sick, very upset, offended or depressed by the refusal. His emotional reaction, of course, is a sign of manipulation, but at the same time he does not expect a good result, but only expresses his emotions. Conscious manipulations occur in children when they perform the same tricks over and over again and, moreover, hone their technical skills: they cry harder, howl more vociferously, remain silent longer, bicker more refined. In this case, it is worth taking some measures. Here is a short list of how to deal with the problem:
- Learns to say “no” and be assertive. A child must have limitations in order to grow up. The psyche is structured in such a way that it always wants something and works on the “yes” principle. Therefore, a young child’s violent reaction to a parent’s refusal is normal. Another thing is that you need to endure it and convince the child to do it his own way. A child grows up only by learning and recognizing prohibitions.
- Recognize that his behavior is normal. Manipulation is the natural behavior of a person limited in his capabilities who does not want or does not know how to take responsibility. Children do not know how to be responsible and cannot yet, because they want everything all the time, and if they could do without a parent, they would have done so long ago. Therefore, there is no point in being scared by their manipulations and worrying that this is abnormal. It is important to be able to convey the consequences of the child’s wishes and fulfill their reasonable demands.
- Don't argue. The child’s tactic is to exhaust the parent, so it is wise to avoid all sorts of tedious dialogues. If a child has been arguing for more than 10 minutes, then there is only one reason for all this - to bring the parent to the point where he gives up from fatigue. Therefore, if a clear “no” is said, then the argument should be short and without lengthy discussions on this matter.
- Don't change your mind. Of course, being always like flint is a dangerous strategy. It does not build trust in the child and makes him inflexible in his own life, but also changing his opinion under pressure from the child is an even worse option. A parent must have several “golden” rules from which he cannot deviate and which he strictly adheres to. They should not fall under any childish emotional pressure. In addition, it is worth having “silver” rules, which may change, but not significantly. And all other subjective requirements set according to the situation and which can be discussed with your son or daughter.
- Discussion with children. It is important to raise a child through constant discussions with him about the rules of behavior and what is good and bad. It should crystallize in front of children why it is worth doing this way and not doing it any other way. All such discussions should be conducted in a calm atmosphere, before the child resorts to blackmail, tears and threats.
- Study yourself. The personality of any person is imperfect. Therefore, do not forget about self-development and improving your behavior and beliefs. This is especially important if the parent tends to merge excessively with the child, living only his life, or when, on the contrary, he is cruel and dry. After all, in general, giving in to manipulation is a sign of emotionality and humanity. Living solely by logic alone is not realistic. A child grows up when he learns not only to follow logic, but also knows how to manage his feelings, and not just avoid them. And if you don’t succumb to the child’s emotional influence at all, this means fostering his alienation and shaming him for his imperfections.
- Learn to take responsibility. A request differs from manipulation in that children do not think about the consequences of their desires. As a result, they ignore the parent's reasoning and continue to demand. In order for the child not to constantly slip into manipulation, he needs to be prepared so that he himself begins to think about what will happen if his wishes come true and what he will do about it. While he is small, such conversations are meaningless, but as he grows older, he needs to be entrusted with tasks and responsibilities that would help him understand his actions and capabilities.
