Matchmaking – ancient rite, the purpose of which is to ask the girl’s hand in marriage from her close relatives. Most often these are the girl’s parents. A man's parents, godparents, uncles, older brothers or grandfathers can act as matchmakers. Sometimes close friends of the groom take part in matchmaking.
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In Rus', before matchmaking, there was a family council, after which they sent matchmakers to the bride. They came to the house with songs and dances, jokes and jokes, and only in this way could the girl find out that they wanted to marry her.
Today, rituals no longer have the same importance with which they were treated before. However, even now matchmaking is a sign of respect for the bride’s parents, because the whole life of the young couple will depend on what kind of relationship is initially established between relatives.
How does matchmaking happen?
- since the father and mother were not against giving their daughter to the groom, then they treated the guests to a pie, and often greeted them with a loaf of bread.
A meal together meant that an engagement would soon take place. - if they wanted to refuse a guy, they returned the whole loaf to him.
- The most successful day for matchmaking is Pokrov (October 14).
- It is not customary to get married on Wednesday, Friday or the 13th day of the month.
- negotiations were carried out standing, as if on the move, so that the marriage would take place as quickly as possible.
- On the way to the bride's house they remained silent, and left after sunset, fearing the evil eye.
There are no clear rules for conducting matchmaking on the part of the groom, but it can take place in two versions: the first, when only matchmakers come from the groom, the second, when the groom also participates in the ceremony. The bride's parents appreciate the attention of the groom; it is customary to give them small gifts. The groom must bring flowers to the bride's mother and the girl herself. It is customary to give the father expensive cigars, tobacco or alcohol. If he doesn't have any bad habits, it is better to check the gift options with your beloved. And she may well ask her father directly. This will not be considered shameful.
You also need to take the choice of clothes for the future groom seriously. Preference should be given to a formal suit. This will impress the girl’s relatives and add seriousness to her intentions. If matchmakers wear folk costumes, the groom must also match.
Both ancient and modern options Matchmaking on the part of the groom implies that the conversation is conducted by the matchmakers. The groom must remain silent and answer questions from the bride’s parents. According to tradition, matchmaking begins with the words: “We have a product, you have a merchant...” that is, guests announce the purpose of arrival from the threshold. When they have already entered the house, the matchmakers praise the groom, talk about his qualities, education, skills, successes and prosperity. Then the bride's parents talk about her. The young man is asked questions about his plans for life, for his fiancée, his attitude towards children, religion, if this is a critical question. Very often, topics are discussed that the bride and groom have not even touched upon. And if all is well, the matchmaking ends with a positive decision from the parents.
Then they already agree on the viewing, when the bride and her parents come to the groom’s house. And there is already a discussion of issues directly related to the wedding day: budget, guests, date and much more.
If you still want matchmaking to be in the folk style, then do not forget that matchmakers should be fiery, talkative and without complexes, so that the tradition does not turn into a boring duty. Everything could go something like this:
Today, matchmaking remains only a tribute to tradition. But this ritual is very important from the point of view that it allows us to clarify many issues in advance. Indeed, at this moment, the elders seem to share their experience with the young, finding out those details that the young may not think about due to their age. And it's much better if living together will begin with the consent of all parties.
Since ancient times in Rus', in the house where a young girl was growing up, everything had to be in perfect order, since the parents could expect a visit from matchmakers at any moment and it was always necessary to be in full combat readiness. Matchmaking or matchmaking was one of the most important traditions; it was with this that the wedding began, and the girls were looking forward to their men and women crossing their threshold with a delicious loaf of bread, as well as a lucrative offer. Nowadays, all these conventions and rituals have become less important, but not for everyone, because it’s worth knowing in advance how to match a bride and what to say during matchmaking, so that when the time comes, you don’t lose face, especially since today many began to be interested in their own roots, and, consequently, in the traditions of their native land and people.
Proper matchmaking of the bride by the groom: what to say and what to do
Not so long ago, some sixty or seventy years ago, a family began not with a guy asking a girl for her hand, but with matchmaking. In the majority of cases, the bride had little idea of what her groom really was like, since she had no right to leave the room until she was called. The parents decided all the issues for the young people, and the best candidates for the role of the bride were proposed by special people, matchmakers and matchmakers, who professionally engaged in the selection of suitable options. They knew all the brides and grooms of the village, village or city, without exception.
Today, few young people know what to say to the groom at matchmaking, what approaches to find to convince parents to give him their daughter as a wife. In order not to frighten away luck, in the old days it was impossible to say directly why the guests came to the house of a young girl. It was acceptable to tell tales about ducks, demand to show goods to a visiting merchant, or tell how a cunning fox escaped from a hunter.
First of all, it is worth thinking about how to properly match the groom and what to say at the same time, taking into account all the advice that people give us from the heights of their wisdom. Indeed, there are many signs and beliefs associated with matchmaking, which would not hurt to study, not even because of stupid superstitions, as some say, but out of respect for their own ancestors, who did everything exactly this way for many hundreds and even thousands of years .
- Matchmaking is never scheduled for the thirteenth, and even more so if this day falls on Friday. Wednesday was also considered far from the best day to marry a girl, and the matchmakers who came on this day were at great risk of tasting pumpkin porridge instead of a treat at the wedding.
- Entering the house, the matchmakers had to touch the door frame with their hand, without the owners noticing, and they had to sit under the matitsa, that is, the main beam on the ceiling, or under the icon of the Mother of God, which, according to legend, brought good luck.
- If a girl knew in advance that they would come to her, she would buy something new for her house. It could be a tablecloth, curtain, sheets, painted clay jugs, or even dishes and kitchen utensils. It was rumored that this also brings success and predicts good luck.
So, if the matchmaking was successful, and the bride’s parents were satisfied, then there could be several options for the development of events. In the first, the girl was immediately called into the room and introduced to the groom, if he was present. Immediately, without delay, viewings and collusion took place, after which the young couple considered themselves engaged and no one could break the contract anymore. In other cases, the day of the viewing and the engagement were scheduled separately, which significantly delayed the wedding. The groom might not get consent the first time; he had to come again and again, sometimes up to five times, to finally get married. After the engagement, the priest specially invited at that moment was supposed to give the couple a ticket to get married, this was a kind of marriage license.
Fun matchmaking on the part of the groom: what to say to matchmakers and relatives
The easiest way to play out matchmaking is on the part of the bride, and the young woman’s relatives intuitively guessed what to say to the matchmakers. However, there was nothing complicated here, since I just had to praise my daughter, her culinary skills, housekeeping, hard work and beauty, and also answer questions. But the matchmakers themselves had to fully comply with the ritual so as not to seem indifferent or, on the contrary, overly intrusive. Therefore, it doesn’t hurt to learn special words. This will not be difficult at all, because you can use the good old formulation about the product and the merchant.
Matchmaking on the part of the groom: what to say according to the traditional ritual
Matchmaking in verse will look most beautiful, as it is fun, funny, harmonious and unusual. If you really want to impress the bride's relatives, then be sure to choose this option. Try using the words provided in the pictures below.
In order not to get into the wilds of folk ritual traditions, you can simply prepare a series of comic questions that the groom’s parents or the matchmakers themselves ask during matchmaking, to which the girl will answer. The predominance of correct answers will indicate her readiness to get married. But don’t worry, today it’s more entertainment, so you need to come up with funny and tricky questions.
- When you wash a frying pan, where do you scrub more, inside or outside? (The correct answer can be considered if the girl said that she washes equally diligently on either side).
- Name all the ingredients for borscht? (You can use any dishes, for example, pilaf, cabbage soup, rassolnik, okroshka, cutlets. Based on the answers, you can evaluate the bride’s culinary abilities).
- What type of water should you use for instant noodles, cold, warm or boiling water? (The correct answer would be that such a dish will not be found on the table in a young family, but only delicious home-cooked food).
You can come up with a lot of such half-joking questions; there is room for your imagination to run wild, and the more interesting and unusual they are, the more fun the holiday will be. This way, the meaning and purpose of the visit will be clearly defined, after which you can move on to the main part of the process.
Matchmaking on the part of the bride: what can I say, a script is not required
Matchmakers are invited into the house and seated in places of honor. Today, guests unceremoniously take their places at the table, sit comfortably and begin to discuss the future wedding, choose a date, and also decide who will do what. However, first, the groom is also asked a series of tasks or questions that he must answer accurately.
- The guy who is not expecting anything is asked to choose a city from three proposed: Khabarovsk, Yaroslavl or Arkhangelsk. These are the cities that are depicted on the banknotes of our country. The higher the denomination the groom chooses, the better.
- If the groom is a motorist, you can test your knowledge of traffic rules by imagining all sorts of unrealistic situations. It will be fun and you can laugh together, and at the same time check how safe it will be for the bride to travel with him.
- It is also worth specially preparing a set of purely male questions, in the manner of what can be used to make a hole in a concrete wall, how many bolts are there in a car wheel, what can be used to bite off a wire. If the young man answers confidently, you can give him a hammer and a crooked nail that needs to be driven into the board, and while he is fiddling around, there will be time to say a few toasts about how persistent a man should be in achieving his goals.
In the old days, respected relatives of the groom, his godparents, simply people with great weight in society, and sometimes special people for whom such rituals were part of their professional activities were chosen as matchmakers. Today everything is much simpler and in most cases they do without special preparations, and everything that is needed is agreed upon in advance. The bride's relatives will not have to learn any special words, as already mentioned; it will be enough to simply prepare for various metaphors and associations.
Rules of matchmaking on the part of the groom: what to say and what to do
In fact, today matchmaking can be called a simple dinner, at which the parents of the bride and groom get to know each other, and also discuss the date and all other nuances of the future wedding, and what the bride says at matchmaking is not given much importance. However, if young people and their loved ones decide to follow traditions, it is imperative to study one of the many scenarios according to which to act in the future. This will definitely give the holiday a certain touch of nationality, create a special mood and atmosphere. Everyone will remember such matchmaking for a long time, and if it is also filmed, it can be shown to children and grandchildren.
It wouldn’t hurt to select any scenario in advance. Previously, it was considered the norm for the bride to give gifts to the groom's relatives at matchmaking, but only if it was carried out in conjunction with bridesmaids and collusion. She could give pieces of fabric, towels and tablecloths with her own embroidery. Nowadays this is not practiced, and giving gifts is more typical for the groom, but if you wish, you can do this by presenting the matchmakers with small souvenirs.
In most cases, you can get by with a tasty and satisfying treat. It won't hurt if the bride prepares it herself. As for gifts from the groom, an engagement ring, always with a stone, albeit a small one, will be more than enough. But if you want to please everyone, then you can choose beautiful flowers, perfumes and sweets for the mother of the bride, as well as branded alcohol, cigars, fishing accessories, an expensive branded pen for the father, depending on the scope of his professional activity or interests. The main thing is to behave modestly, but not excessively, because everyone loves sociable, cheerful and sociable people.
In the old days, everyone knew how to woo a bride. Sometimes before the matchmaking there were viewings. And after a couple of days, the matchmakers and the groom came to get married. Matchmaking takes place late in the evening, but not on Friday and Wednesday. The numbers on which it is better to conduct matchmaking are odd - 3,5,7,9. The matchmaking takes place in the house of the future bride. When a girl brought out a pumpkin during matchmaking, it meant a refusal to the groom. But not only the bride could refuse; if the groom did not like the bride, he did not drink the glass of water or honey offered to him, this meant that the girl was not suitable for him.
Nowadays, matchmaking is no longer mandatory. Young people simply bring an application to the registry office. However, this is a wonderful ritual that makes it possible to get to know your soulmate and her family better.
Before the matchmaking itself, the newlyweds must take several steps:
- The first step is for the future groom to meet the girl’s parents and obtain consent for the marriage. The young man must make a good impression on the bride's family.
- The second step is for the girl to meet the guy’s family. When meeting a girl, she can present her future mother-in-law with a bouquet of flowers or a box of chocolates.
- The third step is the meeting of the young parents and the matchmaking itself.
The best scenario for how to match a bride
First, you must decide how the matchmaking will take place. It is possible to hold it in the form of a regular party, or organize a real holiday, which will be based on folk traditions. You can play out the matchmaking any way you like, everything in this scenario depends on your imagination. The main thing in matchmaking is to choose the right matchmaker. This should be a cheerful and charming relative or godfather of the groom. If there is no such person, then it may be an acquaintance or even a specially invited toastmaster.
A short matchmaking scenario might look like this
- The matchmakers and the groom come to the bride's house with gifts.
- The groom must give the bride a loaf of bread.
- The bride's relatives invite everyone to the table. During the feast, the matchmakers joke and ask to see the bride. Everyone knows the key phrase of matchmaking: “You have a product, we have a merchant.”
- Matchmakers describe and praise the groom.
- In response, the bride and her family praise the girl.
- At this moment the girl shows the best of her talents.
- After these comic bickering, the groom must make a speech in which he asks the bride's parents for the hand of their daughter.
- When a positive answer is received, the matchmakers take the newlyweds to the middle of the room to be blessed by the young parents.
- The newlyweds must cut the loaf together, which must be eaten to the last crumb during the feast.
- The groom puts a ring on the bride.
That's all, the matchmaking is complete. Usually after this, during the feast, the relatives of the bride and groom discuss the details of the wedding and the financial side of the event.
In order for the matchmaking to be bright and interesting, you need to carefully think through the scenario, play out all the moments, and prepare several fun wedding competitions in advance.
In Rus', the ritual of matchmaking was a mandatory tradition. The girl was impatiently waiting for the long-awaited matchmakers to knock on her room, because this meant that her lover had decided to forever link his fate with her.
But there were other cases when the young woman had no idea that they were going to marry her, and saw the groom for the first time only in church during the wedding.
Much time has passed since then, morals and customs have changed, the matchmaking ritual has become an optional attribute, but for some couples it has not lost its charm.
Firstly, this is a very touching ritual, secondly, recently it has become fashionable to return to the old days, and thirdly, this is not only a beautiful tradition, but also useful if you look at it from the perspective of the couple’s parents meeting each other.
How to choose the right time for matchmaking
If in earlier times the matchmaking ritual was often a surprise, then the modern interpretation of the tradition is somewhat pragmatic.
This date depends primarily on when the newlyweds plan to get married. According to tradition, the period between matchmaking and wedding should last from three months to a year, unless, of course, there are good reasons for the postponement (pregnancy, moving or military service).
It is considered not a very good sign to delay this period for more than a year, and the allotted time for the groom should be quite enough for careful preparation of the wedding.
According to a long-standing belief, the date and day are important. For example, getting married on Wednesday or Friday is not good, as is scheduling such an event on the 13th.
The best, lucky dates for matchmaking in our time are called the 3rd, 5th, 7th and 9th of the month. So the arrival of the matchmakers at the bride’s house is agreed upon in advance at a time convenient for her and her parents.
How to pick up a modern girl
Of course, over time, the ritual has undergone some changes: the absence of the effect of surprise, the acquisition of a certain touch of practicality. Now the groom matches the bride, having already secured her consent, so the modern matchmaking ceremony is rather a fictitious procedure, but still not without charm. Therefore, it is still worthwhile for the groom’s parents to understand the question of how to match the bride.
The future bride and her parents properly prepare for the arrival of dear guests. Usually the apartment undergoes general cleaning or even renovation; this is considered a kind of preparation for the wedding troubles.
It is considered a good sign to purchase any new household items, for example, new curtains, a new festive tablecloth or a new set.
The festive table requires special preparation. Its aesthetics and abundance should make a good impression on future relatives, so a variety of dishes are prepared and alcoholic drinks are always on display. After all, it is better to discuss upcoming wedding matters in a pleasant and informal atmosphere.
According to tradition, the groom should not show up at his mother-in-law’s house without anything; the presence of flowers for the bride and her mother is simply mandatory, and if you wish, you can take chocolate, sweets, good alcohol or small souvenir gifts with you.
After the groom and his relatives visit, the bride and her relatives must return the favor. According to the rules of good manners, the bride should also take care of gifts for her future father-in-law and mother-in-law. Traditional sets are suitable here: flowers for mom, expensive alcoholic or tobacco products for dad.
Successful matchmaking depends on the bride
A girl must carefully think through her image, because, in most cases, she will appear before the parents of her future husband for the first time in the role of a daughter-in-law. Therefore, it is extremely important to make a positive impression.
To do this, you need to choose a suitable outfit, accessories, makeup, and hairstyle. You should also not forget about your manners. Future relatives may like a potential bride if:
- will look modern, stylish and beautiful, but at the same time elegant and sophisticated (therefore, you should not wear a provocative mini or sexy transparent tight dress, but choose something more conservative; it is better to save a sexy outfit for your lover);
- will show herself to be a good housewife (she will personally prepare some tasty dish, and the role of her parents is to advertise her daughter’s culinary talents to future relatives);
- the style of behavior will not be cheeky and extravagant, but modest and polite (you should not shout out your opinion loudly, interrupt your future father-in-law and mother-in-law, even if their opinion does not agree with yours; you can calmly and politely present your counterarguments, thereby showing that in front of them not an inert amoeba, but a calm and reasonable young lady, with her own established opinion, this will only be a plus for the future daughter-in-law);
- will show respect in every possible way not only to the groom’s parents, but also to his own (as practice shows, older people especially value this attitude);
- will pay attention to the future spouse (any mother and father are afraid that their son’s wife will turn out to be selfish and will not love their son the way they think he deserves);
- will ask the future father-in-law and mother-in-law about the tastes and preferences of their son (even if the girl already knows all this, such an attitude will contribute to the establishment of close and trusting relationships, primarily with the mother-in-law).
You tell me, you tell me, what do you need...
And now it has come, this decisive turning point - the matchmakers are already on the threshold. What to do? The first word is given to the matchmaker.
If matchmaking takes place on a large scale and many people are present, then such a mission can be entrusted to the groom’s older brother, godfather, close friend or even the groom’s boss, but in modern life this role is most often assigned to the groom’s father.
The groom himself should not talk, he only needs to answer questions when they turn to him.
There are times in life when the groom comes to the bride’s house to get married alone, this is not so categorical. In this case, he just has to prepare a good speech.
The matchmaker and his assistants begin the conversation with greetings and wishes for good and prosperity to the bride's home. If the parents let the guests into the house, we can assume that half the work has already been done: the purpose of the visit is announced, and the guests go to the festively laid table.
Then the conversation continues traditionally: “We have a merchant for your goods...” And then they begin to praise this very “merchant”: what a great guy he is, how much he earns, what a wonderful character he has, and everything like that. The bride's parents should, in turn, praise and defend the “product” - their beloved daughter.
It is the direct responsibility of the bride’s parents to find out as much as possible about the groom and his family, because the future life of their daughter will depend on their decision. Actually, this is the essence of the matchmaking ritual - to make a decisive verdict - whether the potential groom is suitable for the role of the husband of their beloved blood.
So the groom will have to be patient and prepare for thorough questions: about his career, about his life positions, about his views on children, about future plans, etc.
To make the ceremony fun, they use competitions, auctions or toasts. The more humorous these entertainments are, the more memorable this day will become for the young people.
How it was before and how it is now
- In Rus', the matchmaking ceremony took place with virtually the same pomp as the wedding itself. Now there is no particular need for this; significant expenses are still planned for the wedding celebration.
- Matchmaking previously had a wide scope and in terms of the number of people invited, there was even a tradition of hiring special people. Nowadays, everything goes more modestly - parents and a few friends or relatives.
- According to a long-standing tradition, matchmakers came with embroidered towels, the bride’s side put out special dishes, and the ceremony itself took place strictly according to the rules.
The bride was supposed to sit silently by the stove with her back to the guests and rake out the ashes from there. Nowadays such behavior of the bride is simply ridiculous to imagine; the modern bride sits with her guests. - Our ancestors usually did not directly say what brought them to the house, but subtly hinted, joked and pushed towards the topic of conversation. Nowadays, the initiative is clearly on the side of the groom, because he goes into the house with his consent to the marriage.
In addition, it used to be considered almost bad manners to agree on one meeting, and therefore matchmakers could call 3-4 times. - Matchmaking competitions are a must, especially monetary ones. In Rus', bridesmaids tried to outdo each other in who could lure the most rubles from the groom. And the groom was even happy about this, and happily had fun and paid with money.
- Gifts were also obligatory, and matchmakers came with whole bags, because it was necessary to appease the bride, her parents, relatives, and even girlfriends.
- Nowadays, the matchmaking ritual has a lighter and more playful form, because the groom does not have to worry and be afraid of the shame that he will be refused, and the bride will bring out a watermelon, pumpkin or other object that means a firm “no.”
The ceremony is over: what’s the end result?
How is the matchmaking ceremony supposed to end? When the questioning is over and the fun has subsided, the bride’s family must announce their decision, even if it is a formality.
The matchmakers should thank for the hospitality, praise the hostesses for the treat, and the father of the family for his understanding, kind words and decision in favor of the groom.
In addition, according to the rules of good manners, the groom's relatives are obliged to invite the bride and her family to the bride's viewing. This process, so to speak, matchmaking on the part of the groom, can also take place in a very fun and memorable way. How your matchmaking will go depends on the ingenuity and fervor of the participants.
