The guy says he wants to take a break from the relationship. Why is it important to take a break from each other in a relationship? What is good about rest and what should it be like?

Steps

Communicate openly

Talk about feelings only when you are both calm. It's normal to feel angry or upset if your boyfriend asks for more freedom. If you realize that you cannot speak calmly and adequately at the moment, check if you can talk about it later. Take a few minutes to calm down.

• Say that you are not ready to talk about it and that you need some time to calm down and discuss it further.

1. Listen to the reasons. Even if you don't think you need to take a break from the relationship, your boyfriend may think otherwise. So you will have to accept this decision and try to understand his feelings. Just try to look at what is happening from his point of view, even if it does not coincide with yours.

   • For example, he might say that he wants to spend more time on his hobbies, and you will think that this is a bad sign since he wants to spend more time without you. This may be difficult for you to accept, but you need to calmly listen to him and understand his feelings. Don't interrupt him, wait until he says everything he wants, and only then can you tell him how you feel.
   • Be calm and don't try to be sarcastic. You both have feelings, he just needs a little more privacy.
   • Remember, if your boyfriend feels comfortable enough to ask you to give him a little more space, it's a sign that he trusts you.

2. Discuss with him how much time he needs without you. Let him explain how he feels and how much personal time he needs without judging him or getting angry. If the well-being of a loved one is important to you, you need to respect and try to understand their feelings.

   Don't forget about your hobbies. Use this time to grow in what you love. This could be painting, watching old movies, reading, swimming or any other hobby. If you use this time to develop yourself, you will return to your relationship stronger and more confident.

   Analyze the relationship from your point of view. Think about how you feel when you're not with your boyfriend. Do you miss him but feel independent enough to live your own life? Or do you feel unable to do or enjoy anything when he's not around?

   • Taking time for yourself and the things you love to do will remind you that you have a life of your own, even if you're in a relationship.

3. Agree with the guy about a “trial period”. This would be a great compromise, especially if his proposal caught you off guard and scared you. Offer to try a new relationship format for a few days or one week. Afterwards, meet up with your boyfriend and discuss how you felt.

   • You might be surprised at how easily you were able to adjust to freedom, or you might find yourself feeling uncomfortable and lonely. Be honest with your boyfriend about how you felt and start working on it.
   • Understand that this may start out as an experiment at first. This is fine. Don't be afraid to make some changes based on what works best for your couple.

Put your relationship on pause

1. Set clear boundaries. If your boyfriend wants to take a complete break from the relationship rather than just spend a little more time on himself, work on it together and decide what you're both looking for. Talk about whether you can see each other in person or text him occasionally.

I recently visited my very close friend Tonya. Her husband came home from work, looked into the kitchen where we were having tea, and said that he was not hungry and would like to rest for an hour in the bedroom. My friend ran after him with a worried face. After 10 minutes, she returned and said in a whisper: “I think he’s upset about something!” and disappeared through the door again. Soon Victor flew out of the bedroom with a magazine under his arm and disappeared into the toilet (equipped with a bookshelf and additional lighting), the only place in the three-room apartment where he could spend at least some time in peace and solitude.
Victor once admitted: “I love Tonya very much, but sometimes it seems to me that she is sitting in my liver, in my lungs and in my head and I am already starting to think with her thoughts.” They have been living together for 15 years. Victor is a sociable, open, very emotional and sensitive person. Tonya is caring and fussy. She sincerely does not understand why her husband sometimes psychologically and emotionally distances himself from her, begins to feel guilty “for not pleasing” or worry “oh, he has problems!” If he had been by nature gloomy and stern, eccentric and unsociable, she would have known his disposition to be like that. But she is not able to understand why a cheerful, merry fellow would sit in his bedroom for three hours straight in broad daylight once a month, listen to Vivaldi and stare into space over a magazine page.

3 main reasons for men’s “flight into themselves.”

1st reason: to restore your masculine individuality
He truly loves you, enjoys your love and dissolves in it. You had mind-blowing sex, talked about everything in the world, felt like one and blissful. Now he needs time to put himself together from the parts of his soul that melted under the influence of love and remain the same strong, independent man you fell in love with. The more he gave you, the more he needs restoration. Why don't you need to recover? Because a man drowns in a woman’s love, and not vice versa! As a result, he adopts some character traits and habits from the woman he loves. He needs distance in order to abandon them and restore his own “I”.

How does this manifest itself? After spending a weekend or vacation together, he suddenly disappears for several days, does not call or make appointments. If you have been living together for a long time, then he periodically becomes silent, withdraws into himself, quietly reads a detective story on his side of the bed, walks the dog longer than usual, watches TV in another room. And you feel he is not here.

Proper feminine behavior. While you are just dating and sometimes spend weekends together, give him time out regularly. Remember: the closer you were today, the greater the likelihood that he will not call tomorrow. Don't disturb him and don't take the initiative. And then in a few days he will appear even more in love.

Sacredly respect the right of a permanent partner to move to the maximum distance. And remember: for one, distance is just silence and no communication. For another, a vacation alone. For the third, a day off spent reading books. The fourth meditates in a tent in nature. Don’t try to please him in every possible way in order to keep him with you, don’t pursue him with grumbling or questioning. The calmer you react to his detachment, the faster he will return to you.

What if you behave incorrectly? Do you know why Stenka Razin drowned the princess in the oncoming wave? It was for this very reason that she did not let go of her, she reproached her, she clung to her and flattered her, and he himself, without wanting it, acquired the features of her gentle and feminine character. Your loved one is civilized. He won't drown you. But out of fear of upsetting his beloved woman with his behavior, he will renounce his own individuality, allow himself to be swaddled in care and turn from a reliable, strong man into a weak-willed, weak and deceitful henpecked man. Do you need it?!

2nd reason: to solve some problem.
Men prefer to cope with their difficulties on their own, without calling on friends and family for help. This is for them an indicator of true masculinity. They tend to think about difficulties. It is more convenient to think in silence and solitude.

How does this manifest itself? He lies on the sofa, closing his eyes, and says that he is fine.

Proper feminine behavior. Suppress the natural desire to lament over the person lying down and do not ask what he is sick with. Do everyday things, get a manicure, go to visit a friend and behave as if nothing had happened so that your husband notices: despite all his problems, you are completely fine and do not hang your worries and worries on his head. Be sensitive, don’t forget to feed, don’t let the children jump all over dad, don’t turn up the music or your favorite TV series at full volume.

What if you behave incorrectly? Then he will go with friends to drink beer. Maybe he hates this beer, but his friends are silent or talk about something of their own. And then you’ll be angry again because he’s not home all evening and what did he find in that beer...

3rd reason: to cool down.
He had a difficult day: suppliers brazenly demanded advance payment, two of the five foremen went to work, and one was drunk already in the morning, and his boss was extremely dissatisfied with the pace of work... He needed to be alone to calm down, not to say and not do nothing that he will later regret.

How does this manifest itself? His face is red, his hair is tousled, his voice is irritated, when asked what happened, he answers: “Yes, it’s nothing!” He refuses to have lunch and immediately goes to where he can close the door behind him.

Proper feminine behavior. The word "trifles!" in this case it stands for: “Leave me alone. If there is a need for your help, I will call.” Don't knock on a locked door and force a person to seek peace at his mother's house. Do not give advice on how to cope with troubles, even if you are sure that you know better.

What if you behave incorrectly? He will pour a whole barrel of unprocessed negative emotions on you, and you will get the full price for the suppliers, and for the craftsmen, and for the harmful boss. Moreover, having heard practical but unsolicited advice from you, he will not be delighted that he got such a brilliant treasure as his wife. He'll think, "I'm a fool" and get upset, or "she doesn't trust my ability to solve problems" and get angry. And the quality of your family life will deteriorate sharply.

How to distinguish your man's desire to leave for a while from the desire to leave forever

If he just wants to be alone, then:

Doesn’t find fault with you or criticize you;
there is nothing hostile in his isolation;
irritation and aggression appear only in response to an attempt to keep him near you, to get into his soul, into his room, or not to let him go fishing;
all unforeseen problems immediately bring you closer together;
he does not refuse to perform his usual household duties;
talks on his cell phone no longer than usual.

After all, they drive better than us!
American scientists have found that in women in the middle of the monthly cycle, at the peak of estrogen production, the ability to navigate in space decreases and they perform worse on three-dimensional computer tasks based on road safety rules. But during menstruation, when there is little “female hormone” estrogen, and a lot of “male hormone” testoseron, produced in the adrenal glands, the test results noticeably improve. So ladies, let's face it, there are some things that men are just naturally really better at than we are.

Beautiful as... a sperm!
An interesting experiment was carried out by Spanish scientists from the University of Valencia. They took sperm samples from several dozen men and checked their quality. Then they asked a group of women to evaluate the participants in the experiment: who is beautiful and who is not so... And unexpectedly it turned out that the most attractive men from a female point of view have the highest quality sperm and tenacious, highly mobile and resistant to all harm sperm! So listen to your mother after this: “Choose the smart one, don’t drink water off your face...”

This article is addressed primarily to those who are thinking about asking their partner to take a break for a while, but do not know how to do it correctly. Such a proposal can seriously injure your significant other, and if breaking off the relationship is not your goal, you need to arrange a break in the relationship very carefully. There are often cases where such a pause led to, but there are also examples of the positive impact of taking a break from each other on a relationship. Today we will analyze in detail all the nuances of a break in a relationship.

Why do you need this?

The first and main question is why take a break in the relationship. If you have already firmly decided that you will not continue your relationship with this person, but cannot tell him about it, there is no need to suggest a break. Get yourself together and dot your i's, otherwise you will only delay the inevitable and bring unnecessary worries and negativity to your partner. I'm sure he or she doesn't deserve this. There are many reasons to take a break from a relationship, and here are the main ones:

1. You need to figure yourself out. In close relationships, especially if you live together, it is often impossible to find time for yourself: think about your future, solve your own problems, or simply get distracted. Feeling for another person, we often suppress our desires and feelings, putting them off for “later.” As a result, a crisis of self-determination and choice of goals may ripen, when a person ceases to see a complete picture of his future and becomes unhappy in the present. Such a state is completely unsuitable for making decisions about the fate of a relationship (meaning separation), but if you do not resolve your internal conflict, it can deteriorate on its own. Here, taking a break in the relationship will be very useful and, with a high degree of probability, will help preserve it.
2. There is a crisis in the relationship. When a relationship between two people who still love each other goes sour, it's the saddest thing that can happen. After all, there are feelings, they are strong, but for some reason it’s impossible to be together. As a rule, in such a situation, a break in the relationship becomes a litmus test - after it you will clearly understand either that the time has come to break up, or that you want to continue to be with this person. Sometimes relationships improve on their own after a break, but you don’t need to count on it too much. They need to be worked on, consciously improved, and during a break, problems and strategies for solving them can be formulated.
3. you doubt. If you have doubts of the following kind: “I’m not sure that I need this particular person”, “I’m not sure that I’m ready for such a serious relationship”, “I’m not sure that I’ll maintain my freedom” or there is an unresolved situation with another person, take a break is also necessary in relationships. Once you feel free, alone, and able to make choices again, you will understand which choices are relevant to you now.
4. You're out of breath. If your relationship is communication 24 hours a day: personal, telephone, text, etc., if you have become the center of the universe for your partner, a break in the relationship is unlikely to solve the problem. He will only give you time to be alone with yourself, but upon return the situation will not change unless specific actions are taken. Which ones - you can think about this, using your break time productively.
5. And finally, if the relationship has lost its edge and became like living next door, if feelings have cooled down, then a break in the relationship will help stir up passion, love, and return.

Rules for taking a break from a relationship

When inviting your partner to put your relationship on pause, you should explain to him in as much detail and as clearly as possible how you came to this decision. By leaving him in misunderstanding or ignorance, you will doom your loved one to torment, because his consciousness will suggest a variety of negative reasons. Make sure that you are not only heard, but also understood - this is a prerequisite.

Set clear deadlines and rules for the break. Yes, it is difficult to say in advance how quickly you will understand yourself, but in order for the break not to turn into a breakup, it must have certain deadlines. Intuitively name as long as you need, for example, one month, but indicate that it is possible to extend this period.

As for the rules, they need to be established together, taking into account the opinions of both parties. This could be either a complete lack of contact with each other, or a limit on meetings and calls, say, per week - it’s up to you.

Alternative option

I would advise that before discussing a break in the relationship with your partner, try arrange it yourself. For example, you can go to live with relatives in another city or simply go on vacation, ask for a business trip, or stay with your sister or mother. You will also be able to achieve the goals that you planned for a break in the relationship, while the damage to the other party - your partner - will be minimal. Still, hearing that your loved one wants to take a break from the relationship is a serious test that not everyone can withstand.

Something in the relationship goes wrong - you begin to doubt your own feelings or the feelings of your partner, and think about whether your union has prospects.

Perhaps you should consider a temporary separation from your loved one.

In what cases should you offer to take a break from each other?

Of course, it is impossible to describe all specific cases when it is worth separating for a while - after all, all couples and relationship stories are unique.

But “Beautiful and Successful” will tell you what “alarm bells” may indicate that there is a problem. And then parting for a while will either help to cope with this problem, or to clearly understand what exactly it is and what to work on after renewing the relationship, or based on the results of the temporary separation, a decision will be made.

You feel like your relationship is holding you back

You remember your life before this relationship, and it seems more eventful and active to you. You see that you are missing out on many truly interesting opportunities because the relationship forces you to have other priorities.

Your partner does not approve of your interests, and to please him, you were forced to abandon them or be less active.

The thought occurs to you that you could be more successful than at the moment if you were not in this union. Temporary separation in such a situation can help you set your priorities correctly and evaluate whether other opportunities are truly more useful and interesting for you than a relationship.

Here it is important to understand where the feeling of limitation came from - from your partner (and this is really bad if someone in a couple limits the development of the other person!) or from your own unrealistic assumptions about how rosy a free life would be.

You doubt that you are truly valuable to the person who supposedly loves you

Here, some people will say that this manipulation of a temporary separation is to increase one’s worth in the eyes of a partner, and that, in principle, it is not a very clean game to pose as a mysterious, elusive touchy one who deliberately limits access to oneself in order to receive more confirmation of the seriousness of feelings.

On the one hand, there is some truth in this opinion. On the other hand, how else should a woman behave if it seems to her that a man has simply gotten used to it, “warmed up”, received a number of conveniences in everyday life and sexual life, but at the same time he values ​​his partner little as a person and is unlikely to sincerely love her?

If separation is manipulation, then the manipulation is very effective: the man will either try to return his beloved and convince her of the strength of his feelings, or he will do nothing, thereby making it clear that he does not really need this relationship. Sometimes after such an event, men themselves go into the sunset, but... that’s where they want to go!

You doubt your own feelings

And feelings are not such a mistaken thing! If it seems to you that you could be better off without this person, that he has ceased to be someone special and necessary for you, this is probably true. The purpose of a temporary separation here is very simple: either you will feel that you want to return, or you will find confirmation of your thoughts that you are better off without him.

Are you tired

Do not consider your fatigue from living together as something shameful, something that should not happen.

• First of all, you are not to blame for this condition.
• Secondly, this is a problem familiar to many people.

Sometimes a person needs to be alone with himself, or communicate with someone else besides the man he loves - for example, with girlfriends or parents. “A vacation from love” is normal!

Temporary separation rules

In order for a breakup to actually be beneficial and not aggravate a bunch of problems, you should adhere to some rules, and be sure to discuss them with your partner!

• Discuss the purpose for which you are temporarily separated. For example, “Let's take a break from each other, I feel like I need to be alone for a while.” Try to be sincere - there is no need to offer mysterious omissions that can cause unnecessary jealousy and a stupid scandal.
• If you feel insecure about a man and his feelings, then say so, like, I don’t feel that I’m important to you, so I would like to give you the opportunity to think about whether you need our relationship.
• Agree on how much time you will allocate to each other for a “vacation from the relationship.” It is better not to offer terms of more than two weeks, but two or three days is also not enough.
• Try to honestly tell each other what you plan to do during this period - go somewhere alone or with friends, live with your parents, engage in creativity or actively immerse yourself in work, etc.
• Agree whether you want to communicate via the Internet, by phone, etc. Maybe your experiment will take place without any communication at all, maybe you will allow each other to communicate important information if it appears, or maybe you really want to chat on Skype every evening... But the opinion of psychologists is that parting for a while is more effective, the stronger the disconnection from each other's lives. Sometimes online chatter or correspondence turns out to be even more emotionally difficult than actually being there.

Promise each other not to do completely unacceptable things that would be very difficult to recover from: for example, cheating, dating exes, etc.

When can taking a break from a relationship only do harm?

And when can breaking up for a while cause harm? Definitely - if the idea already appears in your partner, but you would absolutely not want this. Let him go for a while, and the man will think that you also want freedom, and then a breakup is not far off...

Quite often, women have complaints against their partners because they do not hear them, do not notice what they should notice and continue to do what is so annoying. Is it really so difficult to put things in their place, screw on the cap of toothpaste and turn on a football match at a lower volume - a familiar situation, right? If you look at this from the outside, you will find that the reason for the emergence of such situations is not the partner’s pathological deafness to comments, but the fact that a huge lump of irritation is growing in us more and more every day. Everyday squabbles come to the fore, and not words of love for each other, secondary things become important, and you solve issues of cleaning the apartment, forgetting to kiss your loved one before bed.

Taking a break from each other: breakups

In order to continue to love each other, you need to separate all the time. Don't be scared, not literally. There is no need to break off the relationship, but you should learn to spend more time apart in order to rush towards each other again. The desire to spend 24 hours together because you cannot exist without each other is typical of the first stages of a relationship. And in order for it to be preserved, you need to let go of your partner’s hand for at least a few hours so that you want to cross your fingers again.

Taking a break from each other: the habit of being bored

Develop the habit of missing your partner by remembering everything you love about him. True, the task becomes a little more complicated if he is next to you at that moment. Therefore, try to plan your leisure time so that you have time to go to the cinema with your friends, have lunch with colleagues, and in the evening be a happy woman who has managed to miss her man.

Taking a break from each other: personal space

Personal space is very important for every person, and by ignoring its existence at the beginning of a relationship, you create a big trap for yourself for your future. It doesn’t matter who you are - a pronounced extrovert or a reserved introvert - there comes a time when a person needs privacy to put his thoughts in order. Respect your partner’s personal space and defend yours so that you don’t get offended at each other later. Spend time on the balcony with a cup of coffee, spend the evening watching movies that you want to cry at, read a book in the park. In short, set aside a time and place where you have personal space, and allow your man to do the same.

The BuzzFeed portal has made a relevant video on this topic, which will tell you how find time for yourself, and then return to your partner with fresh thoughts.

Photo source: depositphotos