Who said that April Fool's Day is not December 31st, but April 1st? Cheerful, funny, funny congratulations Happy New Year are more in demand than ever: they do not leave anyone indifferent. Do you want to New Year's photos everyone smiled without exception: colleagues, friends, parents, grandparents and even mother-in-law? Make them feel "cool" New Year wishes in poetry and prose from our section!
They say laughter lengthens life. I'm all for longevity! Even when you have to smile through tears.
Arthur Pozhelaikin
About life
(dark humor?)
Hello Dedushka Moroz,
A beard made of cotton wool!
I'm not asking you
Fur coat and diamonds!
I don't want a cool i-phone
A dacha in the Caribbean
Card to the V.I.P. salon,
Dress from Versace…
Promise that in a year
Gifts for Donbass
Your three will bring -
Not a humanitarian;
They will celebrate the holiday in the region
Peaceful and carefree
And at the festive table -
Not stew with buckwheat.
Make all your wishes come true
You are helping us!
And the i-phone.. Well, so be it,
I do not mind!
They say under New Year
The dollar will fall sharply!
I wish I knew where he would fall,
Celebrate the New Year there!
“Oh, it won’t be an easy year!” –
Foreigners write.
Our people do not give up.
We are not afraid of sanctions!
Let the foreigner understand:
We are not blind!
Let's save, let's push -
We will pay off loans.
Happy New Year, fellow countrymen!
Happy new life!
Despite all adversity
Let's be healthy!
About the Christmas tree
(as expected - fun :-)
New Year, New Year!
Photo sessions are coming,
It's time for bright shots:
I'm at the Christmas tree - hurray!
I'm behind the Christmas tree - hurray!
I'm at the Christmas tree - hey!!!
Now I'm under it...
Instead of a Christmas tree, here I am.
Happy new year friends!
We wish you such New Year holidays that you will truly be sorry to say goodbye to; so that later in March, when looking at a fairly yellowed tree and a pile of fallen needles, one could philosophically ask the question, “Or maybe the tree will go away on its own?” – and wait for the New Year again!
About the New Year
What does stability mean in Russian? Watch “Yolka” on New Year’s Eve, recite “The Irony of Fate” by heart, sing “Hurdy Organ” with Baskov, fall asleep in a “fur coat”, wake up on January 3 with an irresistible desire to eat last year’s borscht and feel: this is happiness!.. That’s it. We're standing. Happy New Year!
Once upon a time there lived someone: two years ago he was greeted in a hostel... A year ago he was greeted in a one-room, but his apartment... Now he is greeted in a country villa... So let's drink to HIM - to the one who is met in hostel, and in an apartment, and in a villa, hoping that it will be successful! Here's to the New Year!
About family, friends, work.
And my mother-in-law.
Colleagues
We start working together right in the morning - and so on, without slowing down, until the end of the working day. We all bring the work we purchased in advance and start working. We will courageously not put off until tomorrow work that we can drink today. We will look into neighboring departments, exchange work, treat each other to work, and work for the brotherhood. It’s important to do your work properly, otherwise you might end up working in the trash, but you still have to work at home with your family.
We will try, we will try. With coming! Work mood!
Colleague, remember! New Year's corporate party is not a reason:
- turn Olivier into an office aquarium,
– fight with that guy (why is he so funny?!!!),
– fall asleep in the cleavage of an employee from the HR department,
- give the guard some vodka,
- make a sour face when toasted by the deputy director,
– with a bare torso, speed off in someone else’s car... and
So let's raise a glass to our team, where you want to relax and work with dignity! Happy New Year!
Dear Colleagues! I'll tell you little secret: in the New Year it will be quite easy for me to love Mondays!.. After all, I work with people like you! Happy and prosperous New Year to you!
To a friend
There is an opinion that Christmas tree better than a girl.
Firstly, it will never prohibit watching football.
Secondly, he won’t ask: “Where did you go?”
Thirdly, he won’t be jealous of his neighbors’ Christmas trees.
And he won’t be drawn to the store to buy a fur coat.
And yet I will risk wishing you to celebrate the New Year at the New Year tree in a wonderful female company! With coming!!!
To a friend
Today you forget about everything in the world,
After all, there is nothing sadder in the world,
Than New Year and thoughts about diet.
Imagine that Olivier has no calories!
Then we will start life again from the beginning,
Let's make our dreams come true in the gym.
In the meantime, let's raise our glasses
For willpower, charm and beauty!
I want to meet the right guy
So that he doesn’t spoil your mascara, but only your lipstick!
Parents
Dear Parents!
Only as I grew up did I realize how lucky I am to have you! You always gave me your best and didn't take me out of New Year's gifts the most delicious sweets.
Grandma
Live a new life!
Everyone's calendars lie:
Be young, healthy,
Make it a rule
Have fun more often
And dance in the club,
After all, in dancing and girls
You can give a head start!
Grandfather
According to this grandfather
The girls are still drying!
I need to quench my thirst
And pour some champagne!
On the New Year, as on Victory Day,
We drink to the best grandfather!
Wife
Darling, you are simply a magician! And how do you do it? Clean and cook all day on December 31st, and new Year's Eve look like you just came from the salon! It’s impossible not to believe in a miracle next to you!
The sage was right when he opened the way to her husband through the stomach.
My soul! I'm losing my mind over your dishes!
Darling! Your kitchen makes me smile!
You are not my mistress - you are a Fairy!!!
Of good! Charming! Beautiful!
In the new year, go out with friends to drink beer more often!
To my husband
Honey, thank you for not having to write letters to Santa Claus. After all, I can ask for any gift directly from my husband!
To kid
Sunny, no need to shout so loudly! Although Grandfather Frost is old, he has good hearing! He will already hear about all your gifts!
And mother-in-law!
Dear mother-in-law, I want to tell you so much kind words, that if I entrusted them to a snowman, he would definitely melt. And I'm holding on! If suddenly after a feast I accidentally burst, know: it’s from an excess of feelings! If everyone had such a wonderful mother-in-law like me, there would be no one to tell jokes about. Thank you for everything! Happy New Year!
On the road
I'll give you advice almost like a doctor,
Looking at things correctly and soberly.
In the Year of New Gin, Champagne and Vodka
There is no need to interfere, it is not useful!
Today I give you a nice blowjob
I’ll bring you a sea of pleasures, darling,
Fuck me rough and don't let me go
IN New Year's celebration caress with your hand.
It's already twelve, bunny, be patient,
I feel strong, cool dick inside,
Don't worry, my love, just hold it,
And then, drop confetti into my mouth.
The New Year is rushing to visit us,
Passion and lust in the head,
Sex will happen to us,
I won't say NO to you.
You can ask for whatever you want
At least make a wish,
I promise this night
There will be too much sex.
Let's squirm sweetly
And feed each other
You have to eat on holiday,
Afterwards, start again.
I would fuck the snow maiden
This bitch got screwed
And crushed her icicles,
It would be a great New Year.
I would kick Santa Claus out
And he took all the gifts,
He is covered in blood, dirt and tears,
He begged for mercy.
We would drink vodka with him,
And let's go fight the Snow Maiden,
It will happen that later the descendants
Tell us in old age.
Where the hunchbacked pi*aras goes on holiday,
And why didn’t you come to visit us?
Gifts for children, what is he delivering again?
Or maybe the old man found himself a whore?
And where is his Snow Maiden spinning her ass?
And why doesn’t he bring gifts?
Again, he sells pussy on the highway,
Do guys have a shit on New Year's?
I'll tell you guys honestly, without deception,
What a year of the Dog, it’s still fucked up,
But still I wish you happiness,
Let everyone be able to calm down the fuck.
I look at my watch - I'm waiting
That you would rather come to visit,
You love me, I know that.
And a shiver runs through my body again.
Between the legs there is a waterfall just from a thought,
That we are together with you in the New Year,
We opened the doors to the world of depravity,
Passion will take us online.
The house smells of frozen urine,
Someone vomited on the balcony,
And the Snow Maiden is next to me,
Yesterday I stroked her ass.
New Year lives in our hearts,
This is a fairy tale and earthly happiness,
Someone is in the bathroom, someone is fucking,
And the Snow Maiden is next to me.
Have fun and walk, kids,
Our time of happiness is golden,
Have fun and walk until the morning,
And the Snow Maiden is next to me.
The New Year is rushing to visit us,
Everything will happen soon
Santa Claus is knocking on the window,
And the Snow Maiden will come.
There will be songs, there will be dancing,
Let the vodka flow like a river,
Let's start playing with the chicks,
Moving your hand between your legs.
We'll get drunk like dogs
We'll fuck everything,
And we'll get into fights again,
I like to celebrate New Year.
New Year's greetings: In verse | In prose | With coming
According to the eastern calendar | Short | Cool | Ukrainian
To a friend | To a friend | To relatives |
Happy New Year, congratulations to you -
I wish you adventures in bed,
Such that they are not spoken about out loud,
But every moment to give
Wonderful memories of them,
And they aroused new desires!
You are a cheerful person, single -
Don't let your friend let you down dear
Vulgar words today
Let them sound appropriate -
So as not to have a headache,
I'll get drunk soon!
I want love to come to you,
And she gave me happiness!
Let her stir the blood
To discover something new!
I would like to wish you a Happy New Year:
So that the wife is tame,
May the year bring joy to the iPod
So that the chick is groovy
So that you don't need money
So that everything is as you want
So that no one gets fucked
To make your dreams come true!
Good bitch, Santa Claus!
Don't f*ck us with our brains,
We haven't sweared all year,
They behaved well.
But today we got drunk
So, you better not have a hangover!
Yes, get the gifts,
Happy New Year!
Has your luck turned around?
Hurry to use it -
Kohl bent over in a vulgar pose,
Give this baby your heart's content!
So that in the New Year she will soon
I was in a hurry to give everything to you!
Well, when love doesn’t warm you up -
I wish you to look for a new one!
Tell me, Snow Maiden, where have you been?
Tell me, honey, who did you give it to?
- I was lying under you, Santa Claus,
Obviously, old stump, you have multiple sclerosis!
- Come on, come on, go out and have sex!
- Yes, Santa Claus, yes, Santa Claus,
Yes, Santa Claus, plant it!
I wish that tomorrow early,
We were able to remember this New Year,
So that the panties are not inside out,
And I hope no one drinks too much.
I hope we don't chop down the tree,
We won’t start insulting everyone from the balcony,
The house will be intelligent on holiday,
I encourage everyone to celebrate calmly.
Santa Claus came to our house
No gifts and screwed up
There are probably two meters in it
Beard with cotton wool
Vodka splashes in the eyes
The staff is something like a dick
Groin is indecently visible
Tattoo on hand: Valera
New Year's greetings:
Indeed, why do we need New Year?
We can't even drink well without it...
I came up with a holiday for people to waste,
It's like vodka is pouring from a well!
My husband returned for the New Year,
Drunk... stoned as hell,
There is no key to a foreign car,
Wallet and lighters.
And the wife: “Did you go to the whores?”
- “No, I sang carols to people!”
In a red fur coat with a red nose,
Grandfather gives a damn in the cold.
In a hat, with a stick and with a bag,
And with a drunken snowman.
Nearby is a horse in heels
And a snow maiden on the horns.
If you meet this rabble -
It means New Year is coming soon!
On New Year's we will drink,
For loving girls
So that there is always money,
So that I would like and could,
There is always something in the end!
I saw this New Year in a coffin,
Gifts, blah, firecrackers, the sound of a guitar...
Well, snow, well, night, well, Santa Claus will come,
Why the hell is he needed, you old bastard?!
Happy New Year, I congratulate you,
I’m writing this verse with a guitar,
I wish everyone a happy night
In the squeals of drunks and the noise of firecrackers!
May the New Year prophesy for you
Prosperity and success...
And if the husband jerks off at night,
Then let him be the best jerk!
Curl your pussy with curlers,
Lay it in strands
No need to wear panties
So as not to wrinkle your hair,
Now go fuck yourself,
Happy holiday! The carols are coming!
Here comes winter in its finery,
Don't wait long for warmth now,
Only motherfuckers have happiness in the back,
And you and I have a long way to go!
New Year is coming
What do you want?
So that the wife is young
Was in bed - damn
And in everyday life - like a housewife,
And in life - as a friend,
This is what you need to be happy
You, best friend!
Yes! New Year - revelry and rake!
This bright verse opened my eyes!
I wanted to buy delicacies,
Ah... fuck it! They can manage without them!!
Why strain your brain unnecessarily?
Why torment talent and inspiration?
Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it,
Damn, write a poem about Christmas trees!
May the New Year bring you
With snow there is laughter, with frost there is cheerfulness,
In business, success and firmness!
New Year's greetings:
New Year is coming
What do you want?
So that the wife is young
Was in bed like a whore
And in everyday life - like a housewife,
And in life - as a friend,
This is what you need to be happy
To you, best friend!
* * *
I'll fill the glasses with wine,
I'll make a simple toast:
So that life doesn't fuck with our brains,
There was only growth in the new year -
In career, the fuck is clear, in finances,
In the well-being of the family,
So no fucking romances
Our wallets didn't sing!
* * *
Girlfriend, I’ll congratulate you like this:
May we be lucky in the New Year!
And I'll bet you a hundred dollars
That it will be so, the year will trample!
The dream will happen anyway
Let it be a month later, nothing.
For our success - for Petya, Roma...
Fuck the name, for that!
* * *
On this holiday the whole country
At night he toils without sleep.
Waiting for twelve o'clock
Not locked with a bolt.
They drink all night long,
They eat, “buzz”, e..., walk.
They firmly believe that then,
Will always be happy
* * *
On the New Year I wish you,
Take a kilogram of health,
So that the dough is no less than a meter,
F**k for many centimeters,
More area for an apartment -
Three times! No, no - at four!
A ton of meat on the table
One hundred tipsy guests
Hennessy to drink in the morning,
Happy New Year everyone, hooray!
* * *
New Year is coming
What do you want?
So that the wife is young
Was in bed like a whore
And in everyday life - like a housewife,
And in life - as a friend,
This is what you need to be happy
To you, best friend!
* * *
Let your dreams come true for the New Year
All yours come true
And in life, what the fuck?
Fuck off!
Be strong, don't be weak
Don't complain about fate
Provide yourself with money
Have fun and be happy!
* * *
Let him be vigorous and flexible,
With a fucking bag
Santa Claus hates you
Drinking the *dated guest into the house.
With him is the mischievous Snow Maiden,
Fun, cheerful.
And that girl was
Crucible, no matter where.
Pour water for the guests -
Life is beautiful - fuck it.
And then, for fun,
Take care of the Snow Maiden.
* * *
The Old Year is leaving.
Let him take it with him
All the troubles and sorrows,
S**s in which they did not cum
And creaky beds
A headache is no good
The burden of paying off debts
Empty wallets
Greedy, slanderous clients,
Unloved competitors
Sticks that get into the wheels,
From other brains - prosthetics
Similar congratulations:
- Merry New Year greetings
