Majority married women With rare exceptions, they believe that their mothers-in-law do not love them. But suspicions and feelings are one thing, and another thing when you know for sure that your mother-in-law hates you. How to resist it and not let it break up your family?
If your mother-in-law hates you
“I married a foreigner 8 years ago and we have a 7-year-old daughter. Nowadays we live abroad most of the time. I started traveling abroad with my child when my daughter was 3 years old. I didn't know the language at all.
From the very beginning, my relationship with his mother did not improve, and this misunderstanding of each other continues to this day. My mother-in-law hates me.
Whatever happened, she kicked me out of her house several times and didn’t talk until I asked her for forgiveness for some unknown reason.
It told me to my face that I was not the woman she wanted for her son. The last time she simply beat me, she said that she was offended by her son and in an impulse I fell under her arm. I became very nervous, twitchy, and the worst thing was that I started getting sick.
After such “concerts”, in which I have to be silent and just listen to how dirt is poured on my head, I can neither eat nor sleep. My stomach reacts instantly to all this. In general, I “earned” stomach neurosis for myself.
Sometimes I cannot eat normally for weeks, I am tormented by nausea, vomiting, and stomach pain. Weight dropped sharply. My husband protects me, but he can’t do anything - she is his mother. And my mother-in-law hates me.
For now we live with his parents, but we bought an apartment for ourselves, it is being renovated. How can I help myself? What should I do if my mother-in-law hates me? I am suffering a lot and my daughter and husband are not happy with me.
I saw a psychotherapist several times, but there was no help until another breakdown. Now I have another six months to live abroad, so I ask you to at least give some recommendations in absentia on what I should do next.
I love my husband very much and don’t want to lose him. Not every man can stand it when his sick wife is nearby all the time. I know that only I can help myself, but how? I haven't been to any doctors. Sometimes it seems to me that I have become completely abnormal. It's very difficult for me to live like this. Olga Gretskaya."
What to do if your mother-in-law hates you, answers psychologist Elena Poryvaeva
In such a situation, there is only one radical way to solve the problem - to distance yourself from such a mother, and it is best physically: to live separately. Because her behavior cannot be corrected.
After all, she is really offended both by her son (because he dared to choose his own wife) and by you (because you “took the child away from the mother”). Strictly speaking, she would not like any of his wives... And as long as you live together, most likely, both you and your husband will get it.
It is clear that renovation is good. But maybe, in this situation, it is psychologically cheaper to force this repair or stop it altogether? Or is the renovation just a reason not to leave your mother, since your husband just can’t find the strength to finally break out of his mother’s nest?
What to do if your mother-in-law hates you? With such cohabitation, a psychotherapist can do little - except perhaps smooth out your neurotic reactions for a while, until your next scandal with your mother-in-law. It's like treating a person for burns without taking him out of a burning building.
And it’s not surprising that you have obvious somatized depression: after all, you are under constant pressure. So first of all, talk to your husband - is he ready to live with you separately from your mother? At least to really take care of your health? And based on the results of the conversation, make your own decision!
Elena Poryvaeva, psychologist
What should I do if my mother-in-law hates me?
“My beloved man and I have known each other for more than 5 years and have been married for 5 months. We love each other. For financial reasons, we couldn’t get married for a long time (because of the apartment). Finally we got married and began to live with his parents, which we really didn’t want. It's very hard for me. My mother-in-law is terribly jealous of my son.
It seems to me that my mother-in-law hates me. She is unhappy with her husband, and lives in the same apartment. He is a former businessman and now drinks. There are constant scandals at home. They don't get along. And she's picking on me. I have a very small room. There are absolutely no conditions.
I come from a well-bred, learned family, and I love my husband very much. We are holding on for now, but we often break down. He is a man, I understand, she is his mother (although he knows what she is like and that I try my best), but we often break down, over the years of dating we have hardly quarreled, unless not because of trifles.
But I feel that she hates me and wants to quarrel us, maybe because she considers herself unhappy in her marriage. I lost my child 3 months ago due to nervousness. It's very difficult for me. She gives me no rest. We hope for an apartment, but so far we are not financially able to purchase it ourselves.
I really want us to live separately and the doll. But I became very nervous, although I try to overcome myself and not fall for her tricks. I work, after a working day I cook, clean the apartment, but it is very messy, everything is lying around the apartment again, I want cleanliness, and I go to my mother to do the laundry, since there are no conditions for washing, and also, if I manage to somehow... then wash, she forbids me to hang up my laundry in the evenings.
And in general he grumbles because I do his laundry. She also grumbles because I often (once a week) go to my mother. And a lot more, she just tries so that we don’t stay together, she even tries to make sure that he’s tired after work, but he comes at 10 o’clock in the evening and falls asleep in her room.
Please help me somehow, I'm having a really hard time. What should I do if my mother-in-law hates me? We love each other very much, many people tried to separate us right up to the wedding day, but we withstood and survived all this. I don't want my mother-in-law to be able to destroy our marriage or separate us.
But for my part, I feel that I am moving away from him, my feelings are cooling down, and the reason is the failure to fulfill our long-standing dream of creating real family. Help! Ekaterina Volkova".
What to do if it seems to you that your mother-in-law hates you, answers psychologist Elena Poryvaeva
I don’t want to say anything in absentia, but there is a possibility that you have created a certain image for yourself and are now trying with all your might to fit the real (and rather complex) situation into it. Let's say you write - we love each other, but where is your husband in this situation?
Yes, he works, yes, he comes tired, but where are the manifestations of his personality, where is his opinion, where is he himself in your relationship with his mother? After all, even though she is his mother, why is he throwing you to her mercy if you love each other so much?
You ask what to do if your mother-in-law hates you, but you haven’t even mentioned how your husband views all this. Why does he fall asleep in her room and not in yours? Isn’t it because you yourself write “I have a small room”? Why with me and not “with us”? Maybe because “we” are not here?
And in fact, the whole conflict rests on the redistribution of property between two housewives, including the redistribution of the right to raise and care for a large child - a son and a husband?
And your husband feels superfluous in a room that is not his own, and that’s why he goes to his mother? Or maybe he feels superfluous in the whole house, and that’s why he stays at work until the evening?
And one moment. You write that you want a “lyalka”. If we mean a child, then he, alas, is not a doll, not a doll, but a living person, a personality. It is worth resolving the issue of a child when there is a solid foundation for this - not so much, by the way, material as psychological. And the birth of a child will not simplify, but will even more complicate your communication with your mother-in-law - be prepared for this too.
And if we’re going to answer the question of what to do if my mother-in-law hates me, start by analyzing your relationship with your husband. There are very many chances that all problems begin from here, and quarrels with the mother-in-law are only an additional external marker...
The daughter-in-law's relationship with her mother-in-law is not easy. There are many reasons for this phenomenon. The daughter-in-law may poorly meet the expectations of her mother-in-law, who is overprotective of her son. It is difficult for a woman to “let go” of a grown child, to allow her to start living independently.
Often the relationship between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law ends in unpleasant conflicts. To avoid problems, we adhere to the following simple rules.
Conflicts arise for several reasons:
- most often the problem is related to “loss of power.” If the mother of a loved one is narcissistic and treats her son as an extension of her own self, and not a self-sufficient person, then a conflict with her daughter-in-law is inevitable. After all, she “steals” the child;
- Controversies flare up due to the “separation of powers” (especially if two women live under the same roof). The mother-in-law, accustomed to running the house, suddenly gets an incomprehensible “competitor” with “strange” ideas about how to cook, clean, look,
There are many other reasons of a subjective nature.
The following tips will help make your relationship with your loved one's mother less painful.
Respecting boundaries
From the very beginning, we let the mother-in-law understand that it is impossible to “invade” the personal space of the young spouses. It must dawn on the husband's mother that it is not good to visit whenever you want, or to call at the wrong time.
Also, the mother of her loved one must realize that her advice is not welcome. Young people without a “mother” will perfectly decide which kindergarten is better, where it is safe to send their child, what curtain to decorate the window with. But you shouldn’t blame your mother-in-law for giving advice. A woman must realize that her experience is valuable, but everyone has the right to step on a rake and do it their own way. Let’s thank our husband’s mother for the advice, then we’ll do as we see fit.
We will also try to be less frank with our mother-in-law if she is unfriendly. After all, a woman can use “personal” information against her daughter-in-law.
Let's try a little trick. We ask my husband's mother for advice
The spouse's mother may thaw a little and begin to treat him better if she thinks that her opinion is valuable. Therefore, let’s ask how best to cook fried chicken or treat a child with a sore throat. Let's pretend that the advice was very helpful. We will grow up in the eyes of our beloved mother. With your mother-in-law, using such advice from a psychologist is quite effective.
Let's learn something from men
A man, unlike a woman, tolerates interpersonal problems more easily and worries much less about what relatives think. Representatives of the stronger half of humanity understand: it is not necessary to love relatives, you just need to be able to get along. Let's try to do the same. There is no point in “falling in love” with your spouse’s mother, we will try, just so that it does not lead to a “hot” war.
Let's figure out why the actual criticism of the spouse's mother hurts so much
Let's figure out why the mother-in-law's critical comments are so painful, why it is so difficult to ignore them. Maybe the problem is explained by a subconscious expectation: will others approve of our actions? It is very important to inspire ourselves: we are valuable individuals, regardless of how we dress, look, cook, or raise children. This means that criticism from the husband’s mother is unimportant and should not hurt. It is stupid to create a conflict with your mother-in-law because of unpleasant reproaches. There is no such recommendation in the advice of a psychologist.
Avoiding 6 mistakes in relationships with mother-in-law
To avoid conflict situations with my husband’s mother, we’ll try not to do the following.
Turning your spouse against your mother
A obviously losing strategy. Even if the husband has a very bad relationship with his mother, the son’s affection still remains. It is very difficult for a spouse to take his wife’s side completely. The husband will most likely be inclined to remain neutral, helping his beloved little to fight with her mother. And in general, "woman's" showdowns, they stronger sex seem devoid of common sense. Therefore, if we begin to involve the husband in conflicts with his mother, we will only spoil the relationship.
Complain about your husband
We must not forget that the “rival” is the mother of the spouse. Complaining about your husband shows that the woman raised a dishonest person. We will only ruin the relationship even more.
Turning children against spouse's mother
We avoid this, even if the mother-in-law is completely unbearable. Otherwise, children will begin to consider their own grandmother a bad person. This will affect future relationships with your own mothers-in-law and mothers-in-law. Consciousness will form a bad stereotype. Relationships with mother-in-law should not affect children. In the advice of psychologists, this position is undeniable.
Pour oil on the flame
If you respond to aggression with aggression, the situation will only get worse. It is unwise to constantly quarrel with your spouse's mother. This will worsen the relationship with your husband, the children will grow up in a terrible atmosphere of competition, hatred, and will not learn to seek compromises. So for the sake of it, you need to overcome anger, the infantile desire to achieve “justice” at any cost. Don’t look for the answer to the question “How to defeat your mother-in-law?” in the advice of a psychologist. He's not there.
Wait for miracles
It is foolish to hope that with persuasion and cajoling the spouse’s mother will be able to change her. It will not happen. Let's leave the fantasy: the mother of her beloved will suddenly “understand everything” and change. A woman has her own worldview, her own ideas about the “right” daughter-in-law. Perhaps she wanted her to be more economical, pay less attention to appearance, and raise her children differently. If the daughter-in-law does not meet these expectations, then the mother will not experience much joy from her filial choice. Let’s try to explain better: we see many things differently, the husband’s mother needs to take this into account. Just like we need to take into account the views of the older woman and try to find a reasonable compromise.
Demonize mother-in-law
Yes, the spouse's mother may seem like a real demon. But every person has their advantages. You need to try to discern the advantages and use them to your advantage. Especially if you have to live with your mother-in-law in the same apartment. Studying the psychology of your husband's mother will be very helpful.
How to communicate and get along with your mother-in-law, stop hating her: advice from a psychologist
To get along with your loved one’s mother, you should listen to the following advice from psychologists.
Let's try to understand
Make an effort, try to understand the mother of your loved one, no matter how difficult it is. Then we will get to the bottom of the cause of the conflict and develop a realistic strategy for resolving it. Let's try to figure out what gave rise to hostility, let's evaluate the situation through the eyes of the husband's mother. Perhaps she is a very suspicious person, terribly afraid of old age and loneliness. When a daughter-in-law appears, the mind of the husband's mother is filled with fear that soon no one will need her. The woman develops hostile feelings towards the young woman. Also, the husband’s mother may be afraid: her daughter-in-law will make her beloved son unhappy.
We assess the situation realistically
Expectations create suffering - says the ancient Buddhist wisdom. Let's listen to her and try to look at things realistically. If the husband’s mother does not help much in raising the child, believing that this is primarily the responsibility of the parents, then there is no need to be angry with her. Yes, she poorly meets expectations, but resentment will only aggravate the situation. It will never be possible to remake an adult, fully formed person. Therefore, you need to “work with what you have.” Resist reality, assert: “I hate my mother-in-law, and that’s all!” - unreasonable. The psychologist's advice contains a recommendation not to view life through rose-colored glasses.
Let's learn to easily tolerate criticism
It's actually not that difficult to do. You just need to master a simple visualization technique. This is self-hypnosis using the power of your own imagination. We need to take a chair or bed, get comfortable, then imagine, for example, that all the criticism directed at us is just a small harmless stream of water in the shower. Its drops flow down the shoulders and do no harm.
When independent attempts are unsuccessful, you should seek advice from a practicing psychologist, for example,
The habit of blaming someone for your failures is more common among little girls and young women. However, even among adult ladies one can often find complaints about the involvement of someone in an unsuccessful personal life, for example, a mother-in-law. You can often hear from divorced women: “If it weren’t for his mother, we would never have gotten divorced.” Is it really only because of the negative attitude of the mother-in-law towards the daughter-in-law that many families collapse? Is it so? Let's try to understand in more detail the situation when the mother-in-law hates the daughter-in-law, the advice of a psychologist will help with this!
Where does the mother-in-law's negative attitude towards her daughter-in-law come from?
Negativity in relation to the mother-in-law towards the daughter-in-law begins on a subconscious level at the moment when a young woman gives birth to a son. From the day of his birth, she begins to prepare him for a “real man”, whom she sees as an ideal option for herself. This is especially evident in those women whose husband does not meet their ideal, or in divorced ladies and single mothers. By raising a boy, a woman strives to make him a support in his old age.
When the son grows up and gets married, he begins to live an independent life, the mother begins to understand that she is losing the child whom she actually raised “for herself.” The mother-in-law is sure that, firstly, the young daughter-in-law cannot love her child as deeply as she does, and secondly, that no one will ever be able to take better care of her son than she (who can know better all the habits of the child, his pains and preferences?).
That is why, at the moment when the son introduces his mother to his bride, all the accumulated negativity is concentrated on the complete rejection of the “stranger” person. When coming to the house of her future husband, a young girl should try not to make mistakes that will be very difficult to correct in the future, since this can only aggravate the subconsciously caused negative emotions of her husband’s mother.
Mistakes that a daughter-in-law makes towards her mother-in-law
➡ Showing your feelings - This main mistake which young girls commit when they come to their mother-in-law. There is no need to express your personal emotions towards your spouse in the presence of your mother-in-law too actively - this causes jealousy, which over time can develop into hatred on the part of the older woman. In addition, there are other mistakes that can completely destroy the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
➡ Stories about what a wonderful mother the daughter-in-law has. How deliciously she cooks, cleans cleanly, never raises her voice, etc. - you have to think about how unpleasant it is for an elderly person to hear this, because she may decide that all this is being said to spite her. The mother-in-law is sure that no one can cook borscht or iron a shirt better than her.
➡ Constant interference of the daughter-in-law in the process of cooking and housekeeping. Attempts to change the rules and foundations that had been established in the mother-in-law’s house for years. The mother-in-law is the mistress of her house and should not interfere with what she is used to. There is no place for two housewives in the kitchen, so it is better to help around the house only after agreeing on who will do what and when, and priority, naturally, belongs to the mistress of the house.
➡ Excessive, obsessive display of love towards the mother-in-law. Most often, this mistake is made by girls who received less mother's love. Arriving at the mother-in-law’s house, they are sure that the husband’s mother is capable of becoming a mother to them too. First in such families ideal relationship, but as in any family, conflicts are possible. If they arise, the girl begins to show resentment towards her mother-in-law, which actually applies to her own mother, and this can give a strong impetus to discord not only with her husband’s mother, but also with him.
➡ Accusing the mother-in-law of all mortal sins. It is also a huge mistake that all scandals and troubles in the family (according to the daughter-in-law) occur because of the mother-in-law. The girl is firmly convinced that “if it weren’t for his mother,” her husband would not have been late for the theater, would not have gone fishing, etc. As a result of this, a mountain of reproaches may pour on the mother-in-law's head, which in no way contributes to strengthening the relationship.
➡ Conscious isolation of grandchildren from grandmother. Some daughters-in-law believe that grandmothers spoil children or they slander their parents, so they limit communication. This is completely wrong, because children should feel love from their grandmothers. If parents believe that pampering on their part is unnecessary, they should talk about it tactfully and calmly.
In order for there to be peace and tranquility in the family, and for the husband not to have the problem of choosing: mother or wife, the daughter-in-law must learn to build her relationship correctly and follow certain rules:
- Under no circumstances should you portray your mother-in-law as some kind of monster. No man likes it if his mother is spoken ill of - this is the first step towards separation.
- Patience, respect and tact towards the mother-in-law. We must learn to listen patiently to advice and remember that the mother-in-law has lived a long life, has some experience behind her, and therefore there is a rational grain in her advice.
- Take care of your husband and children. Seeing how much love the daughter-in-law treats her son, how she tries to feed him well and improve his life, the mother-in-law will gradually understand that her child is in good hands. The same care should be shown to children who are beloved grandchildren.
- Ask your mother-in-law for advice more often. A daughter-in-law can ask her mother-in-law for recipes for dishes that her husband prefers. The mother-in-law will not only tell you how to cook it, but will also give a master class and show where it is best to buy and how to exquisitely cook, for example, meat or fish.
- Have common interests with your mother-in-law. If your mother-in-law likes to watch TV series, you can watch them with her. Elderly woman I will be happy to tell my daughter-in-law, who was unable to watch the episode, in detail everything that happened during this time.
- Show signs of attention. Small signs of attention are very important for a mother-in-law. You need to call her more often when shopping at the store, don’t forget to buy her favorite cookies, or if she does needlework, bring, for example, embroidery floss.
- Communicate more. We must firmly remember that all problems can be solved, but to do this we need to talk about them. The more the family communicates, the less misunderstandings and conflict situations arise.
By properly building your relationship with your mother-in-law, you can achieve a lot, live in a healthy and fulfilling family, raise children and care for your parents in old age. When relationships are built on love and mutual respect, then wise woman over time he will say: if not for his mother, we would not have been able to maintain our relationship and create such a strong family.
Question to a psychologist
Hello. My situation is banal - a war between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law (daughter-in-law is me). In general, 15 years ago, my mother-in-law declared war on me, that is, immediately after the wedding and wedding with her son. Our war is cold, hidden - there are no scandals and other loud showdowns. We always politely greet each other and are never rude. From the outside it seems to everyone that our relationship is ideal. If it were not for the huge BUT, she hates me with all her heart and diligently makes my life hell. About her hatred I found out about me from her, she said so immediately, the next day after the wedding, followed by a very banal enumeration of the reasons for her hatred - not a match for her son, not the kind of daughter-in-law she dreamed of, etc., etc. We live together I’ve been with her and my father-in-law for 10 years, and before that, my mother and sister lived with me for 5 years (both of them are no longer alive and this apartment no longer exists). We also don’t have our own home and don’t expect to in the near future. To rent an apartment we also tried, but only lasted 4 months, it turned out to be too expensive for us. So, to the joy of my mother-in-law, we all live together in the same apartment, or rather, she is only happy that her son is always nearby
, and also me, her worst enemy, and enemies, like we know we need to keep it close (under control) She controls our every step and breath in the literal sense of the word, for example, having heard if her husband (her son) coughed at least once or, God forbid, sneezed, she breaks into our room door with a question - is he sick, and of course reproaching me - it’s your fault (opened the window, didn’t insist on putting on a hat, etc.) Now it’s gotten to the point that my husband and I are pinching our noses so as not to sneeze and we always talk in a whisper when we’re even in our room, because we know that she listens under the door. I collect medicine packages and garbage in the form of some kind of receipts, papers, etc. in an opaque bag and give it to my husband in the morning before work, so that he can throw it in the street trash. , because she controls even what we throw in the trash, and if she sees any receipts or packaging for medicines, I will have to justify myself and explain what it is, why and why. She also controls our refrigerator, all the cabinets with her husband’s things. The refrigerator checks every morning, if she doesn’t like something (wrong products or something is missing in her opinion), she immediately corrects it and buys it. Naturally, not silently, but with accusations against me that I am a disgusting housewife (more precisely, careless, that’s what she calls me) I am forced to cook food for my husband at night, when she and her father-in-law go to bed, because it is impossible to do this during the day - she will subject everything to the most severe criticism and may even try to throw away what I have prepared, replacing it with her own cooked food. And of course She tells all this (about my carelessness and mismanagement) a lot and with pleasure to her husband (her son), as well as to other relatives if anyone asks. But, I repeat once again, she does all this without raising her voice, without insulting, with a smile , with a sigh and sadly shaking her head, each time emphasizing that without her and her help, we would simply die of hunger, a cold or many other things, that she did not expect such a terrible choice of her son, because he brought her into the house not a helper, but an unreasonable, careless girl who is completely unsuitable for him, can’t handle the housework and is incapable of having children (nevertheless, she is categorically against our adoption of a child, she says, since God didn’t give you children, then you won’t be able to handle it, Lord knows and he sees who is worthy of having a child and should not go against his will) What I wrote is the tip of the iceberg, there are too many situations to describe each one. But the thing is that I am tired, the years go by, but these situations do not change and They don’t disappear, but on the contrary they only multiply. I’m afraid that soon I won’t have the strength to restrain myself and fight her war with dignity. Divorce from husband after 15 years life together I consider it impossible in love and harmony. But I don’t know how to continue to live in this hell. My husband maintains neutrality, I understand him - mom is mom, you don’t choose your parents. He advises me to not give a damn about everything and live in peace, especially since we have so many We’ve been living like this for years. But my strength is running out. I ask you to answer me, how can I get along with a person like my mother-in-law? How to behave and how to respond to her endless nagging? Thank you in advance for your answers.
Hello, Victoria! let's look at what's going on:
she hates me with all her heart and diligently makes my life hell. I learned about her hatred of me from her, she said so immediately, the day after the wedding
she openly told you that you do not suit her - it turns out that you know this, she knows this - BUT - you are completely dependent on her and SHE is satisfied with this - she is satisfied with the fact that you obey, KNOWING how she feels about You, who are ready to bow your head before her and knows that you cannot do anything, since it depends on her will whether you can be in her apartment or not - this struggle will continue as long as you live with her - with you There is NO corner where YOU can be the hostess! therefore - talk to your husband and decide the issue with housing - let it be a rented house, let you spend money, even just a room, or an apartment in another city - the price is NOT a question of MONEY, but in your sense of peace, in the well-being of you and your husband family as a whole, in order to tear yourself out of this dependence, it is precisely THIS price that you need to pay - while you are with HER, you will obediently bow your head, and this will give her a feeling of superiority and significance, she will see you as incapable of living your life children's lives! and this feeling of humility, your own lack of will, insecurity is what drains you! voice this to your husband - urgently solve the problem - after all, during this time a family has not been created, you are constantly under supervision, neither your role as Mistress of the House, Wife, Mother has been formed - and all this will continue to be postponed! You shouldn’t blame her - she is who she is, you CAN’T change her ALSO - this is her apartment, she is the owner, and YOU are the one who decides your fate!
We also tried to rent an apartment, but it lasted only 4 months, it turned out to be too expensive for us. So, to the joy of my mother-in-law, we all live together in the same apartment, or rather, she is only happy that her son is always nearby
It’s gotten to the point where my husband and I hold our noses so as not to sneeze and always talk in a whisper, even in our room, because we know that she’s listening at the door.
Valentina, if you decide to figure it out, feel free to contact me - call me - I will be glad to help you!
Shenderova Elena Sergeevna, psychologist Moscow
Good answer 3 Bad answer 0One of the eternal problems family life: the eternal confrontation between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Just imagine, a woman gave everything, did not spare herself, in order to raise her little blood with dignity, and then a certain person appeared, seduced the poor boy, and also forced him to marry herself. Unfortunately, this is what reality looks like through the eyes of a mother-in-law.
“This is the kind of vixen I got. Always sticking his nose into our family. He doesn’t have his own life, so he doesn’t give it to others,” this is what the young wife thinks.
Reasons for quarrels with mother-in-law
1.
If a young family does not have the opportunity to live separately, then they live with one of their parents. Typically, the husband brings his wife to his home. It would seem that two women should find mutual language— there is a common love: a mother has her son, a wife has her husband. But this is where the confrontation occurs. The husband switches to his young wife, devoting less time to his mother. It hurts her. And scandals begin.
2. Again, young people live with their parents. The young wife runs the household for her family. Some mothers-in-law, usually working, allow you to take on some of the household responsibilities. But at the same time, she begins, as she believes, to “advise”: how to cook, how to clean. But, first, she should ask: does the girl need this? If necessary, she herself will ask her mother-in-law for help. And when children appear, the mother-in-law knows better than anyone what to feed and how to dress the baby. Again, you should provide this help when you are asked, dear mothers-in-law.
3. If the couple lives separately, then the mother will miss her son’s attention. She will call asking for help. This will make the daughter-in-law angry. Sons should visit and communicate with their mothers without harming their family.
4. The mother-in-law can appear at the spouses' home without an invitation. And even worse - start managing there.
I hate my mother-in-law, what should I do?
Many daughters-in-law ask questions: I hate my mother-in-law. What to do? What to do if your mother-in-law is unbearable?
1.
Dear girls, first put yourself in her place. Understand that she wants her child to be happy. For her, even a 30-year-old man will be a 5-year-old boy. Only parents can say that they know their child. They raised him all his life, and then you came and took him away.
Try to find common points of communication. It’s hard for your spouse to be torn between you and your mother. Never force him to choose between her and you. No matter how much he loves you, he loves his mother more. Since he has known you for 2-3 years, and her all his life. Only after living with you for 15-20 years will he be able to compare.
3. Don’t tell your spouse anything bad about his mother, no matter what she does to you. Try to make your spouse see that she is the one insulting you.
4. If she's the kind of person who likes to give advice, respond coldly but politely: "Thank you, I'll take your advice into consideration."
5. If there is no way to get along together, run away from her. Save your family.
Real life example: daughter-in-law hates mother-in-law
And now an example from life: the daughter-in-law hates the mother-in-law.
The young man is the only and late child in the family. The mother is retired. Father works. Here the guy gets married and brings his wife to him. The mother-in-law is bored, and she decides to immediately teach the young girl about housekeeping. Like every family, they have rules, and the girl has to obey, no matter how stupid they may seem. Six months pass. The girl is already pregnant and decides that she cannot live here. She and her husband move in with her parents. And they live there. Every time she comes to visit her husband’s house, the mother-in-law openly finds fault with the girl. A grandson is born. His fathers-in-law adore him, but rarely see him. And why? The daughter-in-law cannot be there. What is the conclusion? The mother-in-law, with her unnecessary help, ensured that both her son and grandson would rarely visit her.
