Women are not used to speaking directly when communicating with men, because the main tool of the fair sex is seduction, a sweet smile, feminine tricks and hints. The ladies understand each other perfectly, sometimes even surprising themselves at the fact how sensitively they can react to their friend’s unnoticeable hints. But men often have different priorities, but their behavior has a genetic basis.
Why don't men take hints?
Men's thinking is different due to the vast historical experience that ancient hunters received many millennia ago. At a time when there was no talk of any hints, the foundations of men’s perception of the world were already being laid. The representative of the stronger sex spent most of his time occupied with obtaining food for the family - hunting wild animals. This activity was extremely dangerous and required enormous endurance and concentration. The main thing in it was one big goal - a mammoth, bison, bull, that is, any large animal. The male brain has since become accustomed to seeing one big goal and striving to satisfy it. No interference, obstacles or hints can switch his brain to something else.
Women, on the other hand, were gatherers. Their task was to see as many small targets as possible at once - fruits, berries, herbs, nuts. Therefore, they were forced to notice everything, to grasp information on the fly. And today girls can draw conclusions based on their partner’s mood that is not noticeable from the outside, his awkwardly thrown word, or his atypical actions.
Behavior modern man little has changed since those long ago. And today, men see specific big goals for themselves: they need to get enough, relax, have fun, get work done. In women with increased emotional background and due to the fragmentation of attention, everything is different: the husband did not thank him for dinner, did not understand the hint about washing the dishes and helping around the house - this is a reason for resentment.
How to behave with men
A woman should be wiser. Often she knows that a man doesn’t understand hints, but she continues to make them anyway, wondering why her partner doesn’t hear her. There is nothing surprising in this; a man needs to say everything directly. Moreover, not when the negativity has already accumulated and all the unspoken reproaches come out of the mouth to spark a big quarrel, but immediately. The husband and lover will not be offended by a direct request; they will immediately understand it and try to fulfill it. Both a woman and a man will benefit from this state of affairs, because timely priorities, expressed requests and designated responsibilities will help maintain peace in the relationship.
“It’s interesting when a woman called a man a vegetable,
What was she hinting at?
Is he a cool guy or a bald guy?”
Men often complain about women's logic, but when it comes to hints, guys' logic "smokes nervously on the sidelines." The understanding of female hints by the stronger sex occurs as in this joke.
The girl calls the guy and says:
D.: My parents went to the country today. Come to me.
P: What are we going to do with you?
D.: Well, let's drink a bottle of Martini.
P: And then?
D.: Let's turn on the music and turn off the lights.
D.: Let's dance and go to bed.
D.: Like what? We will be intimate until the morning!
P.: That's it, I got the hint. I'm flying!
Why don't men take hints?
- Logic versus emotion. It is a well-known fact that men are “left-hemisphere logicians,” while women are “controlled” by the right hemisphere, which gives them advantages over men in the form of more developed speech and a larger palette of emotions. Hence the great need for feelings, and tireless chatter, and allegory. Moreover, thanks to this difference, women have more developed intuition, memory, creative thinking. She can do a thousand things at the same time: hint, sulk for not understanding the hint, and love so much that “she would kill the bastard if she could later revive him.”
- Costs of education. Men are taught from childhood to control their emotions. They are weakness. And when in adult life men see a manifestation of weakness in the form of women's tears, they are lost. They were not taught to feel sorry and navigate when a woman wants to be pitied, and when she is trying to seem strong and pity will be regarded as humiliation. Therefore, they prefer to be told not in hints, but directly, what actions are expected of them.
- Male psychology. It is structured differently than women's. Where a woman needs support and participation, a man needs absolute peace. Tired after exhausting work, a scandal with his superiors, traffic jams and God knows what other problems that happened during the day, he is unlikely to hear the hint. He will even have difficulty hearing the truth directly. It’s better not to pester a man who is in a state of “leave me, old lady, I’m sad,” with hints. He definitely won’t solve women’s puzzles.
- Survival instinct. Nature made sure that the man saw the goal of the “mammoth” and did not see details that distracted from the main thing. Women, on the contrary, focus on the little things in order to see the whole picture and better “orient themselves on the ground.” That’s why men are bad at distinguishing nuances, details, shades of colors, emotions, words and moods. It is useless to expect a man to understand why a woman walks around all evening with her lips pursed and silent. However, in her understanding, this is an eloquent allusion to his forgotten wedding anniversary.
- A hint without a hint. After numerous “bumps” from unsolved hints, men try to recognize hints where there are none. But again it passes by, and again a lump from the same “forest” appears: “You don’t understand me! And I never understood!” How can men understand what is said is a hint, what is a half-hint, what is a half-truth, and what is the truth? And how do they know what is urgent and important in a woman’s understanding; what is urgent, but not so important; what is important, but not at all urgent; and what is neither important nor urgent?
It is believed that men do not understand hints. Wherever you look, whoever you ask, especially women, everywhere they write: “They don’t understand,” many say: “They need to speak directly.”
In some cases, this may be true, in those cases when a man doesn’t care, or he’s just thinking about something else now and doesn’t pay attention to what the woman says. Often a man understands hints, but one “BUT” gets in the way - doubt.
One of the fears of men is not to disgrace themselves in front of a woman, not to find themselves in the situation “What are you doing? Idiot". Not every man can explain this or admit that he has doubts and is afraid of messing up. This is probably why he takes the position “Tell me straight, I don’t understand hints.” Men think it’s better to let her say directly what she needs than to doubt: “Is this what she wants?”, “What if I do it now, but it turns out she didn’t hint at all?”
Yes, and women forget that they give some hints at the level of their thinking, and it differs from men’s. Then they are offended that the man did not do what he was hinted at. Sometimes it would be useful for women to look at their hints from the outside. Put yourself in the place of the person to whom the hint is addressed, and try to figure out what they want from you, without forgetting that the other person thinks differently and most likely is not a psychic.
Women often create situations themselves when they themselves made a hint, and the man understood and responded to it. But women suddenly begin to behave exactly the opposite, well, she’s like, she must be a mystery. For some reason, women believe that a man should read her thoughts and guess everything himself. Naturally, a man may develop unpleasant feeling that he was wrong. Showed himself not with the best side in front of her, although he seemed to understand the hint and did everything right.
Of course, in the future he will no longer show or react to such feminine hints, such is the male essence. This does not always mean that a man ignores a woman and does not care or is indifferent to her. Often it’s just doubt: “Did I understand correctly and will I do the right thing?” Therefore, it is easier and safer to pretend that you did not understand the hint than to expose yourself to ridicule.
Most men understand women's hints, but either do not want to react, or are afraid of being in an awkward position. And all because of such women who, having once received what they wanted, still behaved inappropriately, and for a man this became an unpleasant experience.
There can be many reasons, but the result is the same: men, understanding hints but not reacting to them because of their doubts, themselves created the myth that “Men don’t understand hints, they need to speak directly.”
Why don't men take hints?
Hello, dear readers of the blog site! Many tears are shed by women because they do not understand the fundamental difference between the thinking of men and their own reasoning.
Why doesn't he realize? How I suffer! - the wife cries and tells her friend that her husband doesn't love, he's a real blockhead.
And her friend sympathizes with her very much, but she herself is in the same position, because her husband behaves in the same way.
Women are great at talking to each other not just with hints, they can understand everything at a glance.
In some situations, just one glance or even a flutter of eyelashes, a nod of the head or a light touch is enough, and immediately all women understand what exactly they need to pay attention to. Representatives of the stronger sex will never be able to solve this magic trick, they are not given it, and that’s all!
A well-known fact, and you probably know about it. If a woman comes to the company with her husband or boyfriend, then he will not see very much. Basically, his attention will be attracted by a large TV, booze, food, and he will pay attention only to a curvy blonde. Just because she walked past him or laughed too loudly.
But his woman will see absolutely everything. And the way he stared at this same blonde, his mouth open, will show who came with whom, who has a relationship among those present. She will notice every little detail in the girls’ clothes, their hairstyles, pay attention to the manicure and even see the details of the cut. beautiful skirt, if it is sewn according to the latest fashion.
And at the same time, the woman will do all this unnoticed. She won’t point a finger at someone, won’t start looking straight at a loving couple kissing around the corner, and won’t approach them with stupid questions.
If you then ask a man what he liked at the party, he will be able to tell almost nothing. But from a woman you will learn so many details...
After all, she notices absolutely everything!
This is the approach to life that is repeated in family relationships. When a husband comes home after work, he is unlikely to remember what he had for dinner. He simply won’t notice it, the main thing for him is that there was some kind of food.
And the wife, if she stood at the stove for a long time, and then no one praised her for her efforts, will begin to get upset. Because he won't see any approval. My husband ate, said the duty “thank you”, as in the dining room, and left to relax at the computer. Or he lay down on the sofa because he was very tired.
From his point of view, he is doing everything right. It simply doesn’t occur to him to listen to his wife. The wife hopes that the man will someday realize that she, too, is collapsing from fatigue, and that she needs to help her at least wash the dishes. And he still sits in front of the computer and relaxes.
He plays with his favorite toy (tanks, for example) and doesn’t care about anything else.
If everything happens in approximately the same way for you, and you naively think that a man will ever appreciate you, then your hopes are in vain. Men don't understand hints, that's how they are designed.
If you want to achieve something from them, don’t make eyes and drop hints, it’s absolutely useless. There is only one principle that works with a man: what is not said does not exist!
And period.
If you can analyze this statement, you will begin to clearly see the cause of many of the conflicts that exist in your family.
They don’t give you flowers even on your birthday, do you only receive gifts, and even then not always?
Every woman dreams of beautiful bouquet, because it shows the real feelings that her husband has for her. But flowers are now an expensive pleasure; a woman may refuse them for financial reasons. She convinces her husband that there is no need to spend money on a bouquet, because there is not enough of it anyway. He takes her words literally and stops giving flowers altogether.
The wife sighs and at some point agrees that the romance in their relationship has disappeared. The man did everything right: as he was told, so he did. And he will never guess that his wife still wants to receive bouquets of flowers from him.
The way out of this situation is very simple. It's not needed for romance huge bouquet, even one flower is enough. The main thing is that it is brought by a loved one. For this one flower, for example a rose, in family budget there will always be money.
But if you try to push your husband into buying such a flower with hints, you will achieve nothing. Because before that you gave him a clear instruction: we don’t have money for flowers. Therefore, you must again say directly that you dream of receiving one rose from him, at least sometimes. Or any other flower that you like best.
If you don't say it directly, everything will remain the same.
Because of women's tendency to beat around the bush, a lot of problems occur. When women talk to each other, it is one continuous stream of words, from both sides. And what’s interesting is that everyone understands perfectly what is being said and manages to follow such a conversation, even if it jumps from one topic to another.
A man, if he finds himself in such a company, will immediately feel dizzy, after which he will stop thinking for a while.
If you want to achieve something from your man, talk to him as if you were a man, that is, slowly, clearly formulating your thoughts. More precisely, one thought, but express it calmly, without emotion. First you need to explain the first idea, and then move on to the second, third, etc.
And then leave the man alone, don’t try to repeat endlessly what he should do. Let him rest a little from your onslaught.
If you put too much pressure on him, your husband will be indignant because he will decide that you are bossing him around, and this is a complete disgrace. He is the head of the family, so you have no right to order him.
A little intelligence and cunning, and a man will do whatever you want...
Of course, all these tips are only suitable for those couples who love each other, go through all stages of love together and solve problems because they are ready to fight for their happiness.
If a woman is a bitch, she pursues only her own interests, mainly manipulates a man, and she does not need such advice.
She naively believes that her husband is a complete resemblance of a woman, but with different physiological characteristics. That is, you can chat with him incessantly, talk about all sorts of nonsense, discuss styles of dresses, the behavior of your girlfriends and much more interesting things.
From such conversations, the husband begins to think that he is in a madhouse and runs to his friends to get some rest.
Men are completely different, and you need to treat this with understanding, without offense. A woman says many more words per day than a man, and this is completely normal.
In turn, the husband falls into complete stupor before the logic of the woman he loves. A very good illustration is this: “By the time you guessed it, I’ve already changed my mind seventeen times!!!”
Can you imagine? This is normal for women, that’s just how they are. But men, from their point of view, think too slowly, if they think at all...
The wife can explain everything to herself, since her husband does not understand her hints, her emotions turn on, logic disappears, and then an explosion: tears, hysterics out of the blue.
There is one quality in women that men know absolutely nothing about. Women know how to think things through and make mountains out of molehills over trifles. Naturally, men consider all this to be a trifle, but these are not trifles, but issues of enormous importance, one might even say, problems of a universal scale...
A wife is often offended by her husband, but he will never guess why this happened. Can't guess? So take it and tell him! And look at his reaction.
How surprised he will be! To him, your reasoning may seem like ordinary nonsense.
Yes, it’s difficult to understand a woman, but maybe you shouldn’t do that? You just need to love a woman and forgive her little shortcomings.
If there is love, then everything works out for two loving people, and happiness comes to the family. But happiness can be shared, do you know that?
Emotions are the weak part of any representative of the fair sex, otherwise why does she get upset so easily? Her hands shake out of excitement if her loved one has offended her, she doesn’t understand anything and just cries bitterly.
And he is so callous, heartless, he doesn’t even know how he offended her, and doesn’t worry about it at all. Or it just seems so to her, because a man is used to not showing his emotions, this is what is accepted in society. And in vain, because this has a bad effect on his health and on his relationship with his wife.
Because of this, a wife often considers her husband to be selfish, although the easiest way is to stop thinking different things and ask directly. Or sit next to each other and have a heart-to-heart talk. Especially if there is a crisis in relationships in the family. It happens, you just need to learn how to get out of this hole, and everything will be fine.
If you carefully read the article, you already understand that you cannot talk to a man in hints. The basic principle is this: if there is a problem, tell me! The husband cannot guess what is bothering his wife; he does not think in the categories that his wife is used to using.
Family life is very difficult, constant problems pour out onto a woman’s head like out of a bucket. And what does she do about these problems? Of course, she tries to force her husband to solve them, and then, after several unsuccessful attempts, she begins to deal with these problems on her own. And then she takes offense at her man because he doesn’t want to help her.
When a wife puts pressure and forces, it immediately causes a negative reaction from the husband, because he is the head of the family, and his rights are infringed. And he experiences internal resistance.
They cried as they parted. For a long time they could not let each other go. He went on a business trip for 10 days, and she went to see her mother.
The meeting turned out to be even more stormy... a day later... on the beach... in Egypt.... Yes! Fate is a villain!!!
How to build relationships correctly and make sure that your husband begins to help you and does it with pleasure, read in the next article.
Women are amazing and we men will never fully understand them. A woman lives in a completely different reality, in a world of halftones, emotions and relationships.
He has amazing natural intuitiveness, speaks beautifully, subtly and gracefully - WITH HINTS.
This is wonderful. There's just one problem... Men don't have that superpower. I don't know where the practice came from: hinting instead of saying openly. But this is just a disaster.
If you speak directly, a man will easily fit your wishes and thoughts into his picture of the world, carefully allocating a separate shelf for them.
This is how it happened historically
When the ball is on the ground, boys kick it, and girls pick it up and press it to their chest.
These are involuntary actions, formed evolutionarily, the foundations of male and female psychology, preserved to this day.
In ancient times, a man hunted and fought - these activities would be last on the list if one wanted to develop sensitivity and empathy. But for a woman, communication was daily, because she...
Going against nature costs you more.
What does he mean?
A man doesn't hear your hints. And he still doesn’t see where you left them. You slip a volume of Dostoevsky under the toilet door for him to educate himself. And he sees that the book is lying under the door. And not that his vocabulary is lame.
You interpret words that are taken literally in your own way, and then it turns out that he meant something completely different.
If you take elementary frankness with hostility, there will be no roundabout ways - you
Hints and flirting
Historically, men have always been weak in terms of sentiment. If a guy, he acted on the principle of “I came, I saw, I conquered.”
And whoever turned out to be bolder, who was able to express his feelings as clearly as possible, won. “Whose woman? Draw? I’m taking it!” - Throw it over your shoulder and carry it away.
Now everything is different. You can get hit in the face by the shoulder. And not from a competitor, but from a woman. And also out of pride.
Therefore, men began to be careful, they learned, but they didn’t see your hints and still don’t see them... Therefore, I want to immediately answer one of the most interesting women’s questions.
How to hint to a guy that you like him?
Come up and say: “I like you.” Ideal, in my opinion. Boring? But it's reliable! And it’s clear! Scary? Isn’t it scary to live your whole life regretting that you didn’t try?
Understand: even the boldest, opaque hints can be interpreted as a joke or simply good attitude.
Sometimes it is very difficult to distinguish. As they say, “good attitude has become so rare that it is often confused with flirting.”
So don't hint. Speak. You can write if you are embarrassed to say it to your face. The main thing is to be direct. When the shock passes (girls rarely talk directly about sympathy), he will be simply happy. And he may even reciprocate your feelings.
Even if not, you can definitely count on respect for your courage.
A simple skill - “communicate without hints” and you will become the dream of any man. On this occasion I have 3 simple tips:
1. Think less
If something is bothering you, especially in a relationship, there is no need to think anything through. You will stop sleeping at night, you will become thoughtful at first, then nervous.
Think less, or... Life is too short to waste it on brain torture and sleeping pills.
2. End negotiations with yourself.
Women have this peculiarity. You will now understand what I mean.
Has there ever been a situation: you need to talk to him and you are figuring out all the possible outcomes of the conversation in your head? His reactions, his words, answers to your questions.
So, you receive feedback not from a real person, not from yourself, but from your inner opinion about him. From myself. Sound familiar? Write in the comments how you ended up with such showdowns.
There is no need to talk to a man in your thoughts - it is not effective. This will not change the state of affairs.
3. Don't be afraid to hurt
If you express your thoughts softly and in a feminine way, kindly, through a proposal and not a claim, there is no point in being afraid of the truth.
While you are worried, you generate resentment in yourself - because HE does not understand you. And the moment will come when the edges will overflow and you will pour all your negativity onto it. At such moments, relationships come apart at the seams.
If you say what you think without any complaints, nothing bad will happen.
Practice!
Learn to express your opinion and express your desires. The more often you express your thoughts and desires, the easier it will be to speak directly.
And this is a professional woman. For your happiness, for men's peace of mind.
You may be surprised, but try it yourself. For once, tell him honestly what you want and see how quickly you get it. Experiment and don’t be afraid of your “I want”!
I believe in you,
Yaroslav Samoilov.
