A vulnerable child is a very sensitive and often whiny child who slowly adapts to a new environment. These children like it when everything is extremely predictable and familiar and do not like being interrupted when something goes wrong or goes against their will. IN otherwise m vulnerable child instantly becomes upset and begins to cry.
In addition, vulnerable children are very shy and it is more difficult for them to join the team. They tend to be selfish and have difficulty sharing toys with other children. In some cases, vulnerable children show aggression, anger and throw tantrums. However, if such a child is left to do something on his own, he will happily immerse himself in work, reason, and think about something.
If we compare vulnerable children with adults, they can to some extent be equated with introverts. They seem to be quite smart and ambitious, but are very closed from external attention. They live in some kind of “plush” or “emerald” world, where everything happens according to their rules.
Causes of children's vulnerability.
- Instinct to preserve dignity. If a child is too strong, then he is prone to over-vulnerability and over-touchiness. Such children expect in advance aggression, humiliation, and insults from others, even when this does not happen, and are always ready to fight. This behavior causes conflicts with peers. And even with adults, vulnerable children behave calmly as long as they “stroke their fur.” But even here you have to be careful so that, God forbid, you don’t stroke it against the grain. Otherwise, the child’s crying and withdrawal are guaranteed.
- Child's complexes. Based on the first point, the main reasons include various complexes of the child: speech defects, obscene or inexpressive appearance, social and financial situation and so on. The child is too dependent on his complex and also sees attempts at bullying from others everywhere. Often such children become outcasts and “goats of omission.”
- Innate sensitivity. Some children are naturally emotionally sensitive and vulnerable, so they often get offended. Such children especially feel the need for attachment to their parents, their love, and acceptance by them with all their characteristics.
- Parents indulge their child in everything. When parents strive to fulfill all the child’s wishes and allow him to behave as he pleases, he gets the impression that the whole world owes him. The child begins to consider himself in charge. And when comments are made about his behavior, he will be offended and cry.
- Child's expectations. Excessive spoiling of a child gives rise to many stereotypes and expectations. For example, a child thinks: “Mom should buy me something tasty every time.” And when this doesn’t happen, the child gets offended and protests. Probably many of you have seen mothers in stores dragging behind them a capricious, roaring child for whom they did not buy a toy.
What to do if you have a vulnerable child?
First of all, you need to be patient and step by step let your child understand what true dignity is. Explain to your child that pride and arrogance are completely different concepts, just like a joke and malice, or fair criticism and ordinary criticism. Instill in your child that because of his touchiness and tearfulness, he can not only lose friends and never make new ones, but, on the contrary, make enemies for himself.
Your child must understand once and for all that evil people “carry water” against people like him, using their resentment. Let him understand that his excessive touchiness is a manifestation of stupidity, which does not protect him, but on the contrary kills all respect in him.
However, under no circumstances try to compare your child with other children, compare him with himself (what he was like yesterday and what he might be like tomorrow).Have these “adult” conversations with your child so that he understands what his current behavior can lead to.
Vulnerable children need encouragement and persistent work with a tutor in order to achieve the desired level of academic performance. They need to get stronger physically and mentally in order to difficult situation they were able to stand up for themselves, endure pain and bullying, and not run away or cry. If you pay enough attention to a vulnerable child and constantly work on his problem, then soon both adults and children will change their attitude towards him. The child himself will calm down and become more good-natured and tolerant of teasing himself, will gain an understanding of this or that situation and will consciously make his decisions. This will stop the constant crying and whims. The child will no longer be considered vulnerable and will succeed both in school and in relationships with people around him.
Sensitivity is not a vice. According to psychologists, the nervous system does not react negatively to sensitivity. A person, having strong nerves, copes with some difficulties, and is impressionable with others.
Sensitivity, if it is increased, can attract adults to an impressionable person. Such a person can be compared to an antenna that captures the moods of the people around him. He is compassionate, empathetic, knows how to tune in to the emotions of his interlocutor, and thereby endears him to himself.
Since childhood, he sleeps very little. It is very difficult to calm down if he cries. Having grown up, such a child takes failure hard - he can angrily break his toys and become hysterical if something does not work out. The reason for all this is the increased sensitivity transmitted to the body and soul.
Children, having a tendency to hysterics, absolutely do not tolerate pain. So, visiting a doctor becomes a living hell for his parents. Hysteria can begin only because a trip to the clinic is planned. Well, if it comes to vaccinations, then in this case it goes not only to the parents, but also to the medical staff. The child cries from any scratch or splinter, not allowing himself to be touched. Usually, his reactions to any little things are very violent, one might say, not corresponding to the reason for his indignation.
Impressionable children are characterized by suspiciousness. It is worth asking such a child how he feels, he will definitely answer that it is very bad, that he has headaches, pain in the stomach and throat. However, this is not true; he just has an ordinary runny nose.
The child is very good at using his increased sensitivity as a subject of speculation in cases when he does not want to do something, for example, not going to school or not completing some errand. But, according to psychologists, such children painful sensations really stronger, and a stressful situation worsens their well-being much more seriously than other children.
There is one more feature that distinguishes them from others: a tendency to take offense. If someone shouts, he immediately starts crying. Therefore, we must always remember that under any circumstances we must refrain from shouting at the baby. These children are also very timid. You should not tell him that there is no need to be afraid - it is useless, since the edge of his fear is at the same level as the edge of pain. It will be better if such a child is accustomed to various circumstances and situations gradually, without pressure.
Without realizing it, you can strengthen such a quality in a child as suspiciousness. You shouldn’t often feel sorry for him, saying at the same time that he is a poor thing, a poor fellow, that he always falls and hurts himself. With this attitude, even if he wanted to, he would not be able to cope with his fear of all sorts of scratches and bruises.
Be calm in all situations and accept his increased sensitivity as due. This will help him overcome his emotions. After all, such a child feels not only physical pain much more strongly than others, but also reacts to the opinions of others much more noticeably. If something is forbidden to him, he can fly into a rage and destroy everything that comes to hand. And such a minor prohibition would not have bothered another child at all.
Such hypersensitive children react heavily to even small failures, cry for a long time and get angry. This is revealed both in the assessment of others and in self-esteem. Such a child always has a bad opinion of himself. As soon as he does something, his patience quickly runs out and he concludes that he does not know how to do anything. Noi is in no hurry to work on himself, because he does not believe in his strength and does not make efforts to overcome difficulties. Because of this, he loses interest in everything very quickly.
How to behave as parents
Parents should know that by noticing this child’s behavior in time, they can avoid further aggravation of this condition. Pay attention to your child's irritability and dissatisfaction to avoid further serious problems. Only with your support, and not moralizing, will you help your child to perceive himself positively and believe in his strength, learn to treat himself and others with respect. Thus, he can easily tame his impressionability. Teach him to pull himself together, even though it is not as easy as it seems.
- Do not contact your child when you yourself are nervous - by doing this you will convey to him your restless state, because even a baby feels your state.
- Do not react to the fact that the child is crying and screaming. Do not try to bring him to his senses by shouting or persuading - in such situations he will not hear you.
- And don’t lament when you see that he broke his knee. It will be better if you simply treat the wound.
- Don’t downplay your child’s problems or say that nothing bad happened. Don’t assure him that he will always be the first in everything at school.
- In any situation, remain calm if your child is nearby. Take him in your arms and calm him down, but only when he does not object, since there are children who, when under stress, do not like to be touched.
- Restraint is required when communicating with a child. However, affection will never be superfluous. There is no point in solving the problem when the child is hysterical. Put it off until later, when the situation has calmed down.
- Showing courage in overcoming your own weakness should be praised and supported.
- Salute his achievements in all his endeavors. If a child believes in himself, he will be able to overcome his negative emotions. Never forget that only you can help your child cope with hypersensitivity.
Hello, dear parents!
Some cheerful families are faced with the problem of their child being touchy. At first this does not happen so often, but now more and more often, and the child becomes offended at the slightest reason, and such situations become a problem for parents.
Excessive touchiness interferes with both the child himself and the entire environment. A touchy child, what to do with his resentment? What should parents do so as not to further traumatize the little person? You will find answers to these questions below.
Causes of children's touchiness
Why is the child touchy, what are the reasons for his behavior? Resentment is a psychological reaction, emotion, unjustified expectations of a child.
Offense, rather a demonstrative feeling, so that everyone would see and know that I was offended, in order to obtain repentance from the offender. And this feeling tends to develop into a habit. The older the child gets, the more difficult it is to break this habit.
How often parents do not pay due attention to children's grievances, do not attach any importance, but they are the ones who can accompany us throughout our lives and dangle as unnecessary ballast, haunting us. Hence the development of complexes, and distrust of others, and bad relationship with loved ones.
Why does this happen, where is the root of children’s resentment and how to root it out?
The main reasons for a child’s touchiness in preschool age:
How to help your child
How to cope with resentment, how parents should behave in such situations:
Games for touchy kids
If a child sometimes gets offended by friends or relatives, but quickly moves away and forgets, then there is no reason to worry. But if grievances have become constant and not a day goes by without them, and they are accompanied by long, protracted crying, then you need to take action.
Try playing with your child, this will bring you closer together and build trust.
Letting go of grievances . Let's take it balloon and a child. We go to any place we like, write with a marker on a ball all our grievances, experiences, failures. Let your child think, take your time. And release the ball into the sky. Let go of all your grievances.
Game: “Don’t be offended!” We will need small sheets of paper for notes or you can use any others. The main rule: don’t be offended! After all, this is a game. On each piece of paper, the mother writes phrases that are offensive to the child. For example, “you’re greedy,” “you’re mean,” “you drew an ugly picture today.”
Each note is wrapped in a tube and mixed and placed in any container, be it a vase, hat, or bag. The child draws a note and must cross out the offensive words and write opposites to them. For example: “I’m kind”, “I like to share toys with my sister”, “And I didn’t like this picture myself.” Discuss the notes; if the child finds it difficult to answer, look for a solution together. More imagination and humor.
Fill your child's heart with your love and there will be no room for resentment!
I would be sincerely grateful if I see your comments, write how you deal with your child’s childhood grievances.
An impressionable, vulnerable child has a hard time with failures in games, defeat in competitions - he cries and gets angry for a long time. Increased impressionability affects not only the assessment of other people, but also self-esteem. Such a child has a bad opinion of himself... It is very important for parents to notice such behavior in time.
Sensitivity is not a vice. Psychologists say that a hypersensitive nervous system is not a negative property. People with strong nerves cope with some life tasks, while impressionable people cope with others.
It is this increased sensitivity that attracts both children and adults to impressionable people all their lives. Such a person is like a sensitive antenna, picking up the slightest nuances of the mood of others. He knows how to sympathize, empathize, and from an early age he is able to tune in to the emotional wave of his interlocutor, thereby arousing his affection.
As a baby, he sleeps little, and when he cries, he cannot be soothed. Having grown older, the child painfully experiences his failures - he angrily destroys a tower of cubes if it did not turn out the way he wanted, and breaks into sobs if the drawing is not successful.
The cause of hysterics is the increased sensitivity of the nervous system, which is transmitted to both the body and soul. Children prone to hysterics are completely intolerant of pain, yet they seem to be waiting for it. Every visit to the clinic is pure hell for parents (the very message about going to the doctor causes a strong reaction). And when it comes to vaccination, there is not enough space for everyone: parents, nurses, and other patients...
Crying and screaming can be heard with any scratches. If there is a splinter in the finger, then the baby does not allow him to touch his hand, and a broken knee is the cause of whims for a week, no less. More often than not, his reaction is incommensurate with what happened. The baby brings itself to such a state that it does not hear anything around: neither your arguments, nor words of consolation.
And if he hears, he doesn’t understand (“Why does mom say that nothing bad happened if I’m in so much pain, and dad is wincing with displeasure?”). Impressionable children are usually very suspicious. If you ask such a child how he feels, he will probably answer that he is not well, he has a headache, stomach, and throat (although he only has a slight cold).
The baby makes excellent use of his increased sensitivity in various situations, for example, when he doesn’t want to go to kindergarten or to an aunt he doesn’t like. Meanwhile, psychologists say that these children really feel pain and their condition worsens in stressful situations.
Another distinctive feature is extreme touchiness. As soon as you raise your voice at the baby, tears instantly appear in his eyes. No matter what the circumstances, always remember this.
The little hypochondriac is also quite timid. It is useless to tell him that there is no need to be afraid, because his threshold for fear, like pain, is very low. It is better to gradually and intelligently accustom him to various circumstances.
You can unknowingly increase your child’s suspiciousness. If you feel sorry for him too much, repeating how poor he is and how badly he scratched his hand, then the baby won’t even try to overcome his fear.
Take his heightened sensitivity for granted and, no matter what happens, maintain Olympian calm. By doing this, you will help him cope with his own emotions.
A vulnerable child is sensitive not only to physical pain, but also to the opinions of parents or peers. A minor prohibition, which another child would simply not pay attention to, can make him furious (he falls to the floor, screams, stomps).
The toddler has a hard time with failures in games, defeat in competitions - he cries and gets angry for a long time. Increased impressionability affects not only the assessment of other people, but also self-esteem. Such a child has a bad opinion of himself.
Having busy himself with something, he quickly loses patience and comes to the conclusion that he doesn’t know how to do anything. However, he is in no hurry to work on himself, because he does not believe that he can overcome difficulties. For this reason, he quickly loses interest in everything.
It is very important for parents to notice such behavior in time.
If you don’t pay attention to the child’s crying, dissatisfaction and irritability, this will result in very serious problems in the future.
Only parental support (but without lengthy moralizing) can lead to the fact that the child begins to perceive himself positively, and in the future he will believe that he can do a lot, and will try to overcome the weaknesses that hinder him.
He will learn to respect himself and others! And then it will be easier for him to tame his boundless impressionability. Help your baby pull himself together! True, it is not as simple as we would like.
Psychologists offer a number of recommendations to parents of very impressionable children:
You should not contact your baby when you yourself are nervous. Otherwise, there is a high risk of transferring your anxiety to him. Even a baby can feel your mood perfectly.
Do not react sharply to the crying and screams of the toddler. Don’t try to bring him to his senses by shouting or persuading: at such moments he still doesn’t hear anything.
Don't be too hard on him if he breaks his knee. It’s better to quickly cover the wound with brilliant green.
Don't downplay your child's problems. Don’t say: “On second thought, it’s okay!” Don’t assure me that everything will work out in kindergarten, and that he will generally be the first at school.
No matter what happens, remain calm in the presence of the baby. Take him in your arms and stroke his head if he doesn’t mind (but remember that some children in this state do not tolerate touching).
Behave with the baby with restraint, but at the same time affectionately, look him straight in the eyes. It makes sense to present your arguments about a particular situation only after the first wave of hysteria has passed.
Always praise if the little one was courageous and overcame his own weakness. Appreciate his efforts and support him in every possible way.
Salute his achievements in all areas. A child who believes in his own abilities copes with emotions more easily.
Many parents may notice that their child may often become offended. He “pouts over trifles”, reacts too emotionally to comments, sits alone for a long time, cries... Small man suffers from his own touchiness, and his parents worry and don’t know what to do in such difficult situations. Our article will help you, dear parents, understand the peculiarities of such a phenomenon as children's touchiness.
Causes of children's touchiness
Resentment- this is a person’s negative experience of his failure, his rejection by people. But every person, and most of all a child, would like to feel his importance and value, at least from the people close to him. In some, this natural need is expressed to a greater extent, in others - to a slightly lesser extent. However, both children experience moments that are associated with how they are perceived.
Childish touchiness- these are facts of the degree of vulnerability and vulnerability of a child in one or another area of self-image (character, appearance, abilities, etc.). let's consider causes, as a result of which the child may become upset and offended:
- The innate sensitivity of a child. Some children are naturally emotionally sensitive and vulnerable, so they often get offended. Such children especially feel the need for attachment to their parents, their love, and acceptance by them with all their characteristics.
- Parents' failure to accept their child's characteristics. Many parents demonstrate that they will accept their child only if his behavior meets their requirements. Parents trying to harshly change a child, as if to “violate the boundaries of his comfort,” shaming him and depriving him warm relationship, provoke him to be offended even more. And the constant rejection of the child’s individuality (criticism, reproaches) contributes to the development of insecurity in the child and encourages him to think that he is not needed and is not loved.
- The child reacts inappropriately because he senses the hostility of the world. Faced with constant restrictions on various manifestations of his behavior, the child begins to see even neutral situations. He believes that everything is against him. Lacking the strength to resist external restrictions that humiliate his dignity, the child withdraws into himself and becomes offended.
- The child understands that he does not meet the expectations of others. In such cases, he either gets angry and behaves aggressively, or becomes annoyed and offended.
- . It happens that parents do not believe in the child’s independence, not allowing him to cope with difficulties on his own. Then he develops a fear difficult situations and stress, the inability to overcome them. Such a child will grow up with the expectation that everything will be done for him. And when faced with difficulties, he will sincerely be offended by the whole world.
- Parents indulge the child's wishes. In the case when parents strive to fulfill all the desires of the child and allow him to behave as he pleases, he will form the impression that the whole world owes him. A child who considers himself in charge will receive comments about his behavior. And, of course, he will be offended, since he is no less vulnerable than other children.
- Child's expectations. For example, a child thinks: “Mom should buy me something tasty every time,” but suddenly this does not happen. When faced with a different parent's idea of the current situation, the child becomes offended and protests.
"Advice. The best thing parents can do for the proper development of their child’s personality is to begin to perceive him as a unique person. Love the child for who he is."
Dealing with the problem
Have you noticed that your child is in tears and offended? How to behave?
- You need to control yourself. The crying of a child, especially, drives you crazy. It is important not to break down, even if this happens in a crowded place and for the tenth time. Control your emotions, be calm (at least outwardly): this way you will take the first step towards ensuring that your baby calms down.
- We need to help the child calm down. Be kind to the child, hug him. It is better to sit down so that your faces are at the same level: this way the explanations will be better received. When calming the child, stroke his head, hold his hand, stretching his fingers. This way the bad emotions will be left behind.
- We need to sympathize. Even if your child is just a baby, it is important to voice his feelings. He will understand that his mother is not indifferent to his problem, she understands everything and deeply sympathizes. Say several times: “You are upset, my little one, I understand you...”.
- “You can’t” suddenly becomes “you can.” This little secret will help prevent resentment and hysterics. Yes, you can’t eat ice cream, because it’s winter, but you can have a piece of delicious pie and juice. Yes, you can’t take your mother’s phone yourself, but you can play with it with your mother. To summarize: an unconditional “no” causes resentment, but a partial “no” does not cause such a negative emotion.
Games for touchy kids
"Advice. It is important for parents to help their child comprehend his own world, realize his strengths and weaknesses. This way the child’s inner sense of self will be strengthened and there will be no room for resentment.”
In essence, it is our attitude to situations. Children often learn from their parents how they react to situations, actions and words of other people. Therefore, it is better for parents to monitor their behavior. And to prevent touchiness, special games are suitable:
- Name calling. Sit next to your child and take it. Encourage them to say hurtful things to each other. Just discuss in advance what words are allowed. For example, not the rudest expressions, but the names of vegetables and fruits, animals, household items, and fairy-tale characters. Each appeal can begin with the words: “And you... pale toadstool!” Agree that after 5-6 calls, you will start talking pleasant words: “And you... my flower!” Speed of reaction and humor are important here. Point out to the child that this is just fun game: There is no need to be offended here. This game relieves stress. It's good when several children play it.
- Zhuzha. A leader is chosen - a “zhuzha”, around whom they run, tug at him, make faces, and tease him. When the “zhuzhe” gets tired of the harassment, he jumps up and tries to catch up with one of the offenders. Whoever is caught is the “zhuzha”. It is important that each child taking part in the game plays different roles. This game teaches you how to manage emotional state, become less touchy, look at the world through the eyes of another person.
- The Dragon. It is better to have several participants. Having lined up and holding each other, you need to be the first in the line (“head”) and grab onto the last one (“tail”). When the “head” “grabs” the “tail”, you need to change roles. It is important that all participants experience both roles. This game helps children who have communication problems become more self-confident and successfully join the children's team.
"Advice. It is important to look at children’s touchiness from the point of view of building the entire educational system in the family. It is important that there is agreement between the parents and that the child receives enough attention. Then there will be much less children’s grievances.”
How to deal with a touchy child
- Try to show your kindness to your child more often so that he doesn’t have to different ways remind you of this.
- If a child is offended that others are praised in his presence, explain to him that everyone who deserves it needs approval and praise.
- Build a relationship with your child on a partnership basis, explaining that everyone has their own intentions.
- Work with emotional sphere child, tempering her and teaching her how to perceive this or that situation and react to it.
- Choose useful books and cartoons, based on which you can easily explain to your child the causes of grievances and successful ways out of different situations.
- Communicate with your child more often, explaining to him which grievances are appropriate and which are not.
- There is no need to reproach the child for his touchiness. It is impossible to prohibit being offended, but you can only develop the correct educational strategy to mitigate this feature.
- Make sure that the child does not accumulate resentment, but shares his feelings. Learn how to react correctly to offensive situations.
- There is no need to compare your child with other children and do not point out their superiority in something.
- Try to understand the reasons for the child’s excessive touchiness.
Notes for the parent of a touchy child
- Show interest in your child's inner life.
- Teach your child to speak out loud about his thoughts and desires.
- When you express your requirements, be more specific.
- Teach your child to put yourself in another person's shoes.
- Explain to your child that the actions of people around are varied; let him realize it and accept it.
- Develop and strengthen your child’s opinion of himself, increase his self-esteem.
- Teach your child to look at many things with humor.
- Talk to your child about grievances and look for ways to overcome them.
video in which a psychologist examines the causes and consequences of adolescent touchiness
Be attentive to your child’s inner world, respect his opinion, accept and love him for who he is. This attitude will help raise an emotionally balanced and optimistic child who is able to cope with problems on his own.
