Mental changes during pregnancy. Emotional state during pregnancy

Expecting a baby is a joyful time in the life of every woman. At first glance, it should evoke only pleasant emotions, but this, unfortunately, is not always the case. Most pregnant women are familiar with the condition when tears suddenly appear in their eyes or, conversely, at the worst possible moment. right moment suddenly you want to laugh for no reason. During pregnancy, unusual sensitivity and vulnerability, tearfulness and increased sensitivity may appear. Frequent mood swings, increased emotionality, irritability are symptoms with which future parents turn to psychologists for help. Let's look at the reasons for the changes occurring in the mood of a pregnant woman.

Psychological preparation for pregnancy

First of all, you should pay attention to your psychological state before pregnancy. Let's explain why: the central nervous system influences the endocrine system, which is responsible for the production of hormones necessary for pregnancy and childbearing. Majority modern women lead to pregnancy very active image life, they work long hours, spend a lot of time at the computer, get little rest, and often don’t get enough sleep. All this leads to great stress on the nervous system, which, in turn, can lead to hormonal and psychological problems.

Doctors believe that a woman who is going to become a mother, at least 3-6 months before pregnancy, needs to minimize the psychological stress on her body. You need to devote more time to proper rest, be sure to get enough sleep (at least 8 hours a day). In addition to all this, you cannot create a stressful situation for the body (actively lose weight, suddenly start intense sports, etc.).

Mood changes during pregnancy

Continuous mood swings during pregnancy are often associated with a variety of changes hormonal levels pregnant woman. Most often this is noticeable in the first months of pregnancy. After all, your body needs to adapt to changes. A woman may feel increased fatigue, drowsiness, and irritability. Those who have not been spared by toxicosis are especially susceptible to these conditions. Sudden attacks of nausea, dizziness, fatigue, physical ailments do not add Have a good mood. There is a feeling of one’s own helplessness, irritability, anxiety, and a feeling of misunderstanding on the part of others.

It is important to understand that this state is natural. Of course, this will not make it any easier, but you will understand that you are not alone - all pregnant women are subject to “emotional storms”.

In the first months of pregnancy, a woman experiences not only physiological, but also psychological changes: gradually getting used to the role of mother. At this moment, a woman may feel that those around her do not understand her and are not attentive enough to her new condition.

Svetlana says:

At the beginning of my pregnancy, it seemed to me that my husband was not at all interested in my condition and did not understand how lonely I was now. I wanted to either cry from resentment or scream at the whole house. My husband didn’t understand what was happening to me, and I didn’t understand how to cope with it...

The pregnancy period can give a new spark to family relationships, or, on the contrary, may give rise to complete misunderstanding. It is at this moment that it is more important than ever for a woman to receive support from a loved one. But you should understand that at the moment it is more difficult for a man to understand your condition. As a rule, he has no idea how the baby develops and the changes occurring inside your body. Do not be upset and do not reproach him for insensitivity, give him time to realize that he is a “pregnant dad”. Educate him unobtrusively. Talk to him about the changes happening to you (both physical and mental). Other possible reason experiences are connected with the woman herself.

Anna says:

This was my first pregnancy. The child was very welcome. But during the first months I was haunted by thoughts: “How will my life develop further? What will happen to my career, which has just begun to take shape? Can I be a good mother to my baby?

Such questions can cause feelings of irritation, uncertainty, and fatigue. It takes time to realize and accept your new state. In the middle of pregnancy, emotional excitability is much less common than in the first trimester. Minor physical ailments have passed, toxicosis has receded, it’s time to enjoy your new sensations. It is at this time that most pregnant women experience creative and physical recovery. Peace, calm, and leisurely characterize this period of pregnancy.

At this time, your figure changes, your tummy becomes noticeable to others. Some have been looking forward to this moment, others are worried about their increasing size. This concern is understandable, because every woman wants to be beautiful.

At the same time, fears may arise related to the health and development of the unborn baby. Absolutely all pregnant women experience them to one degree or another. These fears, as a rule, are based on the stories of “good” girlfriends or relatives, or the sad experiences of friends. Against the background of these fears, tearfulness, irritability, and sometimes even depression arise.

In the last, third, trimester of pregnancy, your emotions may again be at their best. The reason for this is fatigue plus the approaching birth. Anxieties associated with childbirth may appear more often than before. Increased anxiety during this period occurs in almost all pregnant women. It is important here that you are prepared for childbirth and for meeting your baby. Of course, it is very good if you attended special classes. For successful childbirth and postpartum recovery, preliminary psychological preparation of a woman during pregnancy is very important. She gives not only knowledge, but also confidence in the success of her new role - the role of a mother. The main goal of psychological preparation for a pregnant woman is to solve all the problems that prevent the expectant mother from enjoying the state of pregnancy. But if you haven’t attended such classes, it doesn’t matter. The main thing is your mood for the meeting, the desire to see the baby, to help him be born. As a rule, immediately before childbirth, anxiety subsides.

During this period, many pregnant women experience a so-called “narrowing of interests.” Anything that is not related to pregnancy or a child is of practically no interest. Relatives should know this and not be surprised that conversations about a future vacation or purchase new technology do not evoke any emotions, but the conversation about the benefits or harms of diapers, on the contrary, is endlessly long. Thanks to this, activity aimed at preparing for childbirth and motherhood increases. Buying clothes for the baby, choosing a maternity hospital, choosing assistants who will come after the birth, preparing an apartment... That is why this period is sometimes called the “period of setting up a nest.”

How to overcome a bad mood during pregnancy?

• During this period, it is very important that you have the opportunity to rest during the day. It is no coincidence in Japan maternity leave given in the first months of pregnancy, as they are considered the most difficult for a woman. It's important to understand that mood swings are a natural part of pregnancy. The main thing is not to let a bad mood become the basis of your day. And then it will definitely pass.
• Keep a sense of humor - this will always help you cope with a bad mood.
• Start learning relaxation techniques. This could be auto training, swimming. If there are no medical contraindications, a relaxing back or foot massage that your spouse can do is very effective.
• Spend as much time as possible on fresh air. Dosed physical exercise will also be useful.
• Try to do everything possible to cheer you up: meet people you like, do something that interests you. Look for the beautiful aspects of life and enjoy them.
• Don't be afraid to give vent to your emotions. If tears “don’t let you go”, don’t worry - cry to your health.
• The main thing is not to push grievances and dark thoughts into the depths of your soul. For a long time in Rus', a pregnant woman was advised to cry and complain to loved ones, so as not to harbor resentment. But the relatives of a pregnant woman were supposed to protect her from any troubles; they were not allowed to scold her or start quarrels in front of her.
• Try to be patient and “wait out” this time, because communication with the baby lies ahead - the happiest moments in the life of every woman. Remember: a bad mood does not last forever, it will soon pass.
• Remember that your doctor is closely monitoring your baby's development. If, despite everything, you are still feeling anxious, tell your doctor about it and let him tell you in more detail about your baby’s condition. Talk to other expectant and established mothers - and you will understand that your fears are in vain.
• Be sure to remind yourself that your positive attitude is important to your developing baby. Try to worry less about trifles and maintain positive emotions. To do this, you can listen to soothing music and communicate more with nature.
• Remember: anxiety and slight fears before childbirth are natural.
• Try not to focus on the fact that you are tired, that you want to give birth as soon as possible, etc.
• A great way to get rid of anxiety before childbirth is to prepare for it. Repeat relaxation techniques and breathing exercises. Prepare a dowry for the baby. In other words, get down to specific things.

Fears during pregnancy

Anxiety is not so dangerous if it is not a constant bad mood, an obsessive, painful feeling or insomnia. For most pregnant women, anxiety is a temporary condition that they can overcome on their own or with the help of their loved ones.

If you observe a constant depressed mood, which is also accompanied by insomnia, loss or decrease in appetite, physical weakness, melancholy, apathy, and a feeling of hopelessness - then these are already signs of depression. Depression is not a harmless condition - it is a disease. Long-term depression definitely needs treatment. In women, the appearance of depression may be associated with hormonal changes in the body. This is what determines emotional changes, i.e. changes in mood and feelings.

In medicine, there are such concepts as “premenstrual syndrome” and “postpartum depression”. While the former requires almost no medical supervision, postpartum depression almost always requires medical care. Therefore, you need to remember that in cases where you cannot cope with anxiety or fear on your own, if bad thoughts do not leave you day or night, do not hesitate to seek qualified help. In all cases of emotional instability of your behavior, you can and should work. It is possible to overcome a bad mood with activity and creativity. In very confusing situations help will come psychologist, but first of all you need the support of your family and friends.

It is important to understand that the emotional anxiety of a woman who is expecting the birth of a child is completely natural, but excessive anxiety is harmful, because... The baby is also worried with you. A violent emotional reaction does not harm the child, but worrying for no reason does not bring any benefit. Most common cause, giving rise to anxiety or fears in the expectant mother, is the lack of knowledge about how pregnancy proceeds and what happens during childbirth. But all this can be easily eliminated. Ask questions to your doctor and psychologist, read specialized literature, talk to women who have already given birth. Learn to relax and calm down. Switch your attention from any disturbing thoughts - this will allow you to get positive emotions. You need to learn not to react to troubles and enjoy life. Pregnancy is a time when you can allow yourself not to react to life's small problems. The main thing is your desire to be happy and enjoy these unique, wonderful nine months of waiting for your baby.

Pregnancy radically changes a woman’s usual state: she has new taste preferences, toxicosis pesters, the belly grows in the end! Comprehensive information about these metamorphoses today can be found in any specialized online magazine. Meanwhile, the psychological state of a woman during pregnancy is no less important than the physiological aspects. Our article will talk about neuropsychic preparation for upcoming motherhood.

A miracle happened: the pregnancy test “gave out” two stripes! From this moment on, life changes to become even better and more beautiful. But the expectant mother is not yet able to immediately comprehend the obvious - for this she will need a lot of time, namely 9 months.

The inner world of a pregnant woman is so complex and deep that her mood can change more than a dozen times a day: a minute ago she was laughing merrily, but now her eyes are wet, and there is nothing strange about that. Sensitivity, susceptibility, impressionability - all types of reactions to the world during pregnancy are aggravated to the limit. All expectant mothers, from the moment of conception until childbirth, live according to special rules of psychology.

Physiology divides pregnancy into three fundamental stages, or trimesters. The same can be done from a spiritual point of view.

Features of the psychological state during pregnancy by trimester

First trimester

The first weeks of pregnancy are the most emotionally unstable period for the expectant mother. The female psyche does a tremendous amount of work to adapt a pregnant woman to her new position. A woman’s condition during pregnancy is precarious and vulnerable, so she is often thrown into extremes: joy gives way to regret and vice versa.

Moreover, the expectant mother is worried about vague excitement. This is not fear of childbirth or fear for the health of the baby, no. It's more like the anxiety of having to let go. old life to open doors for change.

The state of health during pregnancy in the first trimester also adds fuel to the fire: nausea, poor sleep at night and drowsiness during the day, severe hunger or a complete lack of appetite make the new expectant mother feel overwhelmed and tired. How can you not be sad here? At this time, the woman feels as if she is insolvent, dependent on external circumstances and other people. But she is unlikely to find the strength to resist this feeling: on the contrary, she wants to become an object of increased attention and care.

The psychological mood during pregnancy is so changeable that it is really difficult for the expectant mother to collect herself into a single whole: she often wants to cry, she is almost sure that no one cares about her, she is increasingly visited by sentimentality, and what she wants most of all, she she herself doesn’t know.

The reason for such an emotional “kaleidoscope” lies in a thorough restructuring of the body’s hormonal system. It is hormones that are to blame for the fact that the way of thinking of a pregnant woman during the first time of her new position acquires some features of a child’s psyche. Psychologists believe that nature arranged it this way for a reason: such a peculiar correction of consciousness will help a woman find mutual language with your child. This period is necessary for the successful development of motherhood.

At the end of the first trimester of pregnancy, the condition of the expectant mother is still not stable: a carefree life will not give way to the inevitable growing up overnight. This duality of the situation is not always obvious to the pregnant woman herself, so she can be offended by loved ones for no reason, and also lash out at them in moments of sudden outbursts of anger.

At this stage in the life of a pregnant woman, fertile ground appears for the development of depression: even the most harmless disagreements with her husband can emotionally break the expectant mother. At the same time, she needs family support more than ever.

Second trimester

A woman in the second trimester of pregnancy rests her soul and body. The energy flows in her body flow as usual, and feeling great helps to tune in to the best. The expectant mother sleeps well again, has a healthy appetite and gives others her radiant smile.

At this stage, what she was waiting for with great excitement finally happens - the baby shows the first signs of life and kicks! The pregnant woman is no longer able to hide her joy; now she knows exactly how much she wants to become a mother. She regains self-confidence and rational thinking.

Third trimester

At the final stage of the “interesting” situation, sobering occurs. In the first trimester, being pregnant was new to the woman, so she could not perceive the child as a reality. Now that the birth is just around the corner, the baby becomes the center of her universe. All the desires and thoughts of the expectant mother are connected with him.

Smoothly approaching the most important event in her life, a woman pushes everything that does not concern her position into the background. Hobbies, work, even a beloved man - everything pales before the all-consuming desire to prepare your “nest” for the arrival of your son or daughter. If you answer the question what is the state of pregnancy in the third trimester, then the word “immersion” characterizes it better than others. Immersion in yourself and your unborn child is a distinctive feature of late pregnancy.

The woman is again subject to painful mood swings: basically, she is most often overcome by causeless irritability and anxiety. In fact, the pregnant woman’s subconscious is already living with anxiety about the upcoming birth and potential pain.

The state of the body during late pregnancy weighs heavily on the expectant mother, and last weeks She endures the expectations of a child with great difficulty: it’s hard to lie down, it’s hard to walk, it’s hard... In addition, the woman’s feelings are in great turmoil: she wants to see her baby as soon as possible, but at the same time she is very worried about how the birth will go.

The last trimester of pregnancy is considered the most unique period in a woman’s life - it is so unusual and surprising in its range of sensations.

What is the expectant mother afraid of?

In the first trimester, a pregnant woman is tormented by the fear of the unknown and change. A woman will need a lot of strength to get used to her new position, which will undoubtedly affect her studies, her work, and her life in general. The most correct step at the beginning of pregnancy is to accept yourself and the baby, which caused such emotional confusion. Once a woman can do this, she will feel incredible relief and a desire to learn to coexist with the child she carries under her heart.

Mothers who really wanted to get pregnant often begin to worry about the health of their unborn baby from the first days of this wonderful condition. Will the long-awaited child be born strong or weak, will he have any unforeseen deviations, will a strong painkiller pill taken unknowingly affect his development, how to protect himself from the harmful radiation of a computer monitor... What terrible pictures will the expectant mother draw, going over in her memory various situations when, in her opinion, she stumbled.

In the second trimester of pregnancy, all expectant mothers, as a rule, become victims of social superstitions regarding pregnancy. For example, who among the women has not heard that during pregnancy it is impossible to cut, sew or put patches, otherwise the child will have many moles? And every woman will most likely remember how she, a pregnant woman, was warned to raise her hands so that the child would not get tangled in the umbilical cord. Such beliefs do not bring anything good or useful, except increased anxiety. Most the right way to get rid of them - to perceive these collective “fairy tales” as nothing other than a given of pregnancy, as one of its natural phenomena.

If unconditional trust in signs does not give the pregnant woman peace, it is better for her to turn to a professional psychologist, regular conversations with whom will put everything in its place and lead the expectant mother to peace of mind.

In the last trimester of pregnancy, a woman, consciously or not, begins to fearfully think about the upcoming test of childbirth. The most interesting thing is that these fears are not groundless: childbirth is a powerful physical and psychological experience, so everything women's fears absolutely natural. For example, a pregnant woman may be afraid not so much of painful sensations as of the development of certain complications during childbirth. There are often cases when an expectant mother is afraid of seeming... unattractive in the eyes of her loved one and the medical staff at the time of childbirth.

However, most often a woman fears for her life and for the life of her child. Psychologists interpret these fears in their own way: a pregnant woman worries in advance about her baby, who, when born, inevitably goes through the stage of psychological death. He dies to the intrauterine world in order to be born in another, external world. Birth is the most powerful experience of all. human life, and in strength it is comparable only to death.

At the same time, one cannot discount the subconscious misconception that a woman should give birth in pain. Even all the latest research and techniques in the field of obstetrics and gynecology taken together will not be able to drown out the human ancestral memory with which we come into this world. We can only rely on the intelligence and adequacy of the pregnant woman herself.

To ease the moral discomfort that complicates the last weeks before childbirth, you need to properly prepare for the process of giving birth to your baby: sign up for special courses and think through the scenario of your birth down to the smallest detail - choose a maternity hospital, meet the doctor who will assist in the delivery.

The influence of the condition of the expectant mother on the intrauterine development of the fetus and childbirth

All scientists agree that an increased degree of maternal anxiety and regular worries affect the child’s health in the most negative way. Emotional stress can also cause complications during childbirth.

From the second third of pregnancy, the circulatory system of the growing body begins to actively form and improve. Through the placenta and umbilical cord, the fetus receives the lion's share of hormones whenever its mother succumbs to anxiety or depression. A negative perception of her condition by the expectant mother leads to the development of real functional disorders in the child’s body. Prolonged irritation or anxiety of a woman makes the child no less upset, which he immediately communicates to his mother with a series of indignant pushes in the stomach.

An emotionally unstable pregnant woman has a high risk of miscarriage and premature birth, as well as serious disruptions in the course of labor, even if they began at the right time. Most often, due to this, weak labor activity, intrauterine oxygen starvation of the child, and pathologies of the blood supply to the placenta occur.

A woman’s positive attitude towards pregnancy works wonders - proven by medicine. When a pregnant woman joyfully feels like a vessel filled with precious contents, all chronic diseases recede, physiological ailments are easier to bear, and there is no room left in the mind for fears and doubts. A mother's faith in herself, her unconditional admiration for the miracle of the birth of a new life, charges the baby with positive energy, giving him a feeling of security and confidence that somewhere out there, in another universe, he is loved and waited for.

Psycho-emotional state during pregnancy: asking questions to a psychologist. Video

One of the most common attitudes associated with pregnancy is that experiencing negative emotions during this period is harmful or even dangerous for the child.

It seems to us that if we are nervous, cry, afraid or angry, despair or offended, then this will make the child feel bad.

We think that:

• the child experiences the same feelings as us;
• he is scared and incomprehensible, he thinks that the world is dangerous;
• this shapes his character, and he will grow up anxious, angry, harmful, in general, with a spoiled character or unhappy;
• this affects his health or the course of pregnancy;
• this affects how the birth will go.

What's really going on? In fact, our negative emotions, of course, influence. And on the condition of the child, and on the course of pregnancy, and on the well-being of childbirth. Unless this does not affect the fate of the child and his character, or rather, the influence is so insignificant that it has no effect.

Yes, they do, BUT. Not as directive and straightforward as we think about it. Not as global as we think. Not that decisive. If everything were so simple, it would be enough not to shed a single tear for 9 months and ale-op! - you have a healthy baby in your arms with a happy destiny after a perfect birth.

I know babies who are surprisingly calm (like elephants), with a strong nervous system, born in the most prosperous way after truly incredibly stressful pregnancies - where there was divorce, and unwanted conception, and serious troubles at work. I know children who were born not as healthy or not as healthy as their parents would have liked, although the mother literally carried her belly throughout the entire pregnancy. loving arms, experienced only “rosy” experiences, and only beautiful things surrounded her.

Nothing guarantees anything.

There is a collection of factors, a number of factors, and there is the fate and inclinations of the child, where only a combination can produce some kind of result. And then - we will never be able to say with absolute certainty that it was this or that that created this. Life is more subtle and multi-faceted than we are used to with our crowns on our heads, in other words - control over life, consider.

And the more we strive to control, the more we think in terms of “press a button - you will get a result,” the more life will shake our framework, expanding our understanding of it, I don’t know why it works this way.

And finally, to the point. Often experiencing negative feelings, we strengthen them many times over by the experience that we are experiencing them, but “we cannot”, and thus the circle closes. And if you add to this that pregnancy itself - for the body and soul of a person - is already stressful, then you can completely panic.

So, it's normal to be nervous during pregnancy. Humanly. Safely.

It's dangerous to hold it in.

Let's understand the concept of “stress”. Stress is any event or situation that throws your life out of whack. A shock in which habits, daily routines, and long-established roles and functions in the family change. Stress includes: the loss of a family member, divorce, loss of a job, but also events that, it would seem, should bring us only positive emotions: a wedding, moving to a new place (even if the conditions are better than before), the arrival of a new family member , exit to new job or study. As you can see, these are events that inevitably make changes in the daily family routine, and significant ones at that. And stress is not always a bad thing. The main thing is that this is something that changes the usual.

And in this sense, pregnancy from the point of view of the family system is clearly considered stress, with all the attendant manifestations in the form of instability, insecurity, anxiety, and loss. The way it was can no longer be, and the way it will be has not yet been built, adjusted, felt or done.

It is normal to be nervous during this period of time, it is normal to fear for the future, to be offended by the lack of support, to be afraid of not being able to cope, to be annoyed at loved ones that they are doing something wrong, and a bunch of other different feelings during this period are normal.

In addition to the fact that sensitivity generally increases during pregnancy, as if just so that we do not keep emotions to ourselves, but easily express them, without leaving them clamped in the body, and we cry easily and violently. And with tears, it has long been proven, stress hormones come out.

Besides, judge for yourself, 9 months is almost calendar year, these are very, very many weeks and days of your still simple life, in which there are other people, circumstances, accidents, news, relationships, and where - that is why - it is simply impossible to do without experiences (completely different). After all, it is impossible for almost a year not to be offended by anyone, not to get upset, not to be scared, not to get angry, not to quarrel. We are people, and from this, as well as from many positive things, the foam of our days consists.

So negative experiences themselves are normal during pregnancy, you shouldn’t blame yourself for it. The question is what do we do with them.

And here typical difficulties arise in the form of an attempt to drown out your feelings, try to think only about the good, and other forms of avoiding experiencing and expressing your feelings.

Although each of us knows that carrying feelings within ourselves and not throwing them out is harmful and difficult. This is the effect of steam under a lid, when something seems to be fermenting and boiling inside you, with no way out.

Every emotion is reflected in our body. From fear our heart skips a beat, our stomach twists, our legs go numb. From anger - his jaw tightens, his hands clench into fists. But this is something we can easily track. Our feelings, being unconscious, settle as clamps on the internal organs, and as a result, energy does not flow, or its circulation is difficult. And by energy here I mean very specific, earthly things - blood circulation, oxygen supply to tissues. In the place in the body where we experience the feeling - or rather, we do NOT experience it, that is, we try not to feel it, a clamp arises and, accordingly, a difficulty in this circulation. If the feeling is chronic, it becomes manifested in the body and we get sick. During pregnancy, this can affect both the uterus and the placenta, and, accordingly, the health of the baby.

This is not a reason not to feel. I repeat, this is impossible. It is impossible not to experience pain where it hurts. When it really hurts. How can we “try not to experience negative emotions”? It's okay to cry. You just need to feel it. Allowing yourself to do this. Calling feelings by their proper names. When we do not close ourselves off from our feelings, we have the opportunity to experience them and they do not remain clamps in the body, congestion in the soul, but flow further - along the river of life. "Like water off a duck's back".

When this very salty water comes out of us, it brings relief, liberation, and often even solutions to what to do. Together with tears, stress hormones leave the body, which we are so afraid of harming the baby. So crying when you feel bad is the most optimal thing you can come up with in the “fight” with negative feelings. Moreover, the body itself, nature itself provokes us to this, and they never make mistakes, never lie. Our body is infinitely wise.

How can you experience feelings constructively?

You may not even immediately understand what exactly you are feeling: the bouquet of emotions can be so large that it is not always possible to separate it into individual flowers.

Try first to simply notice what happens to the body when you are inside this situation, thinking about it or about this person. Where is the body tense, what is happening to the arms, what is happening to the legs? What position are you in? What organ or part of the body attracts attention as if it sounds? Don't try to evaluate it, interpret it, just observe.

You can call this feeling a color or an image and where it is in the body. Next - breathe it out. When you inhale, exhale mentally and blow it into the place where there is tension, as if washing it away, blowing it out of yourself. This good prevention exactly the same harm that we are afraid of causing to the baby.

Next, try to catch: what kind of feeling am I experiencing? Don’t be afraid to name your feelings in as much detail as possible, breaking them down into shades. Don't be afraid that your feelings are "bad," inappropriate, or that they make you a "bad" wife, or daughter, or mother, or friend.

We can have any feelings, simply because we are human. It's our actions, not our feelings, that make us bad. And you can feel anything.

Just be careful: “I don’t want to see him” is still not a feeling, but resentment or anger is very much so.

Feelings can be completely contradictory: the same phenomenon or person can evoke in us both love and gratitude, and disappointment and resentment. And this does not mean that one of them neutralizes the other, they have the right to exist and can coexist in you at the same time.

Often the discovered and named feeling is what gives us this emotional and bodily exhalation, a release of tension. Just from recognition, hearing yourself heard.

But nevertheless, you can go further. And ask yourself: what do I want to do in connection with my feelings/core feeling? Don't be afraid to give yourself the answer. The fact that you understand what you want to do does not oblige you to do it, even if you find out that you want to hit the offender (which is unacceptable) or hide and run away (which is impossible). It's good to be aware of this. Because this makes it possible to use the mind to figure out what acceptable form of expressing one’s feelings can be found. You can’t hit a person, but you can heartily beat a pillow or even tear it to smithereens (in the literal sense of the word). You can break dishes and eggs. You can hit the surface of the water. You cannot escape, but you can come up with forms of protecting yourself - an invisible house with which you can fence yourself off from unpleasant contact. And so - in everything.

How else can you experience feelings?

In addition, feelings can be written down. Just a stream, onto a sheet of paper. These are the so-called "pysanky". Take a piece of paper, draw a line, and underneath it the date and time. And then in a stream of thoughts, everything, everything, everything that you think, feel about the situation that hurts you. It doesn't matter what words. Write as if no one will read it, no one will appreciate it. Here you can be ungrateful, stupid, angry, bad, unloving, swearing, whatever you want, weak, desperate...

This is not harmful for the child. It is harmful for a child when you carry all this inside yourself. It's like pus that you finally let out, and it doesn't intoxicate or poison the body from the inside.

Feelings can be drawn out. And in this case, it doesn’t matter at all whether you know how to draw; from an artistic point of view, your drawing can be as primitive as you like, down to stick-stick-cucumber. Can be abstract, a set of colors and different forms and lines. The main thing is that it makes you feel better, that it expresses what’s in your soul. Don't be afraid to draw scary stories. You can then burn them and tear them up. Imagine that paper is a container where you transfer from your soul - onto it - the seething and irritating feelings.

Sometimes, after you draw something and let it sit on the sidelines for a while, you will come back later and see with fresh eyes something new about your situation, how you perceive it and what you can do about it.

Feelings can be danced. There is such a dance - an authentic movement. The music is turned on - any, to suit the mood. Feel - what do you want? Smooth or hard? Fast or slow? Electronic or live? Ragged or continuous rhythm? With voice or not? Drums? Violins? Guitars? What a style?

And start moving.

Don't think about how it looks from the outside. (And of course, find such an opportunity for yourself in space so that no one sees you, disturbs you, or hurries you.) Feel what your body asks: where to stretch, where to squeeze, where to stomp, and where to fly - do everything that exactly your body will ask, just as we sometimes want to stretch sweetly after sleep; out of this need of the body, dance according to this principle.

That is, in the usual sense of the word, it may not be a dance at all, there may not be a single template dance and beautiful movement that we are accustomed to. It is important that the body expresses everything that sits in it through pain in its various forms.

Feelings can be sung. Moreover, these can be either songs to suit the mood, or just the sound. Depending on the mood, I try to feel what sound my soul is asking for now, what key - high or low. I take a breath, and as I exhale I sing this sound for a long, long time, as long as I can breathe.

• A is open, liberating, helping to release what is larger than us.
• O - an attempt to concentrate, to cover oneself with this O - as a womb, a sphere around oneself, to feel one’s strength.
• U is about pain and melancholy, about unbearable feelings, about anger.

But there are also E, and Y, and even the sounds already named associatively - for you, for everyone, they can mean something completely different and even the opposite.

This singing of sound with exhalation can be combined with blowing out tension from the body that sits in it in some place in connection with the situation being worked through.

Yes, what I am describing is not reasonable, not logical. It acts bypassing our smart rules and regulations on how to behave and feel in a given situation. We ourselves know very bitterly that we can understand everything with our heads, but our feelings do not disappear from this. In our heads we are often smart and wise, and everything is fine with us, but with what is in our souls, we just need to do something. Take the weight off her. Feelings are associated with the instinctive in us, with the right hemisphere, which is responsible for creativity. That's why I offer so much creative forms their expressions.

According to this principle, feelings can be sculpted, played on musical instruments... feel what responds to you, right now, in this particular situation.

And finally the most important thing.

By allowing ourselves to feel different things, we are honest with our child. We do not lie to him about ourselves, about what is in our souls, or about the world into which he comes.

Yes, we want to give our child the best, but his life will still not be sterile and happy, no matter how bitter it may be for us to experience this.

The child comes to live. Comes to a life that is neither white nor black, not just one. It is different, motley, and there can be different things in it. The ability to live your feelings, not be afraid of them, express them healthy for the body, for your soul and for the souls of other people - this is a culture of experience, this is an ecology of feelings that we can instill in our child from the womb.

The ability to admit your feelings is the ability to be close to your baby, not to try to lie to him, not to hide from him. This does not mean that we “load” our negativity onto a small child. Quite the opposite: named and lived feelings do not stand as silent, unmanifest tension between us. Allowing yourself to be different, to be afraid and angry, to be weak, allowing yourself, in essence, to be human is the formation of the skill to accept your child as anyone, in any of its human manifestations. Staying next to him, on the same side, when he, already walking along the earthly path, will be angry and offended, will be weak or harmful.

If you are afraid that your child will not understand that these feelings are not directed at him, or that he thinks that the world is dangerous and scary, you can tell him this: “Yes, baby, I’m terribly angry with your dad right now, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t love him and you more than anyone in the world, it’s just that in this situation he infuriates me, and his behavior hurts me. Simply because we are different, like all people on earth.” Or: “Yes, baby, now I’m scared, very scared, and I don’t know what to do with myself, but this doesn’t mean that it will always be like this or that the world is dangerous. This is temporary, until I can see what’s next, and until I know what to do. A little more, and a decision will mature within me on what to do, and I will find support and support, because they are always there.”

Such words support us too... they also support us...

How to express your feelings, or a few words about constructive dialogue

It is clear that our feelings are often generated by relationships with other people. It is their words or actions that influence our soul, causing one response or another.

In such cases, it makes sense not only to experience your feelings with yourself (to discover them, to find a form of expression for them, to look for what can be done with them - as I described in the previous chapter), but also to convey them to the person in connection with whom these feelings arise.

This is where the pitfalls lie. Starting to say that we are hurt or offended, scared or cold in connection with the words or actions of another, we can come to a conflict, since the other person may categorically disagree to take responsibility for our experiences, feel guilty and change their image of your actions. And in some ways he will certainly be right. Because the responsibility for the feelings that we experience belongs to ourselves.

The same words of a person, depending on a person’s temperament, state of mind at a given moment in time, self-esteem and what your mom and dad might have meant by these words in childhood, can be perceived by each listener in completely different ways: someone’s words they will hurt, someone will be left indifferent, someone will hear concern in them, and someone will hear criticism.

• check.

It always makes sense to find out what feelings and what motivation are behind a person’s words.

If, in your opinion, he says something offensive, then you can say: “I am offended by your words. Is it just me or do you want to hurt me with them?” If not, then ask the person to answer what goal he is pursuing in his words.

I call it reconciliation. Before coming to my conclusions, based on the words of my interlocutor, I make sure that what I hear in his words (reproach, criticism, irony, etc.) is exactly what I hear.

In close relationships, most often the other person does not consciously seek to hurt us. He simply does not know which words in us will press on which “nerve receptors” of the psyche, which wounds of the past will raise;

• talk about your feelings.

We often think (unconsciously, of course) that other people are telepaths and should figure out our feelings themselves. As if all other people are built the same way as we are, their logic is the same, their values ​​are the same, etc. Another person, even the closest one, may have no idea how you feel when they do or don’t do something . This does not make him any less close to you. Just intimacy - it is achieved, and does not magically come because this is “my person.” Help him. Talk about your feelings.

But! It is very important how. Speak in the first person about your feelings, not about his actions. Do not analyze his feelings and motives, you can make big mistakes in them, offend him and already at this stage close the opportunity for dialogue, because you yourself will offend the interlocutor or cause his indignation.

Say: “When you are late, I feel deceived, my time is not valuable to you and therefore I feel offended.” Instead of: “I’m offended because you don’t care what I have with time, because you’re the navel of the earth and you think that you can wait forever!”

Say: “When you don’t ask me what the doctor told me about the baby’s condition at the appointment, it hurts me. It seems to me like you don't care about us. But surely this is not so, I don’t understand you, why don’t you ask?” Instead of: “You don’t care about me and the baby! You didn’t even ask me about how I went to the doctor!” Say: “I'm sad/I'm hurt” instead of “You're ruining my mood/You're hurting me”;

• tell me how you can help - specifically!

This is the most difficult point for women’s logic; you want “he to guess it himself,” otherwise it’s not interesting. But if we put aside the coquetry, we can remember that it’s difficult for men - just about feelings, they need specific instructions, clear instructions about what is expected of them in connection with these feelings.

“I’m sad, tell me everything will get better.” “I’m sad, give me a bath and bring some tea with me.” chocolates" “I’m sad, hug me and kiss me, right here, yeah.”

Or more seriously: “Please, if you are late, call me or text me about it as soon as you understand. And also clearly indicate how long you will be staying.”

“Let’s agree, if you don’t ask how my appointment with the doctor went, this does not mean your indifference, but it means your trust in me - that if something is wrong, I will tell you, OK?”

“It’s important to me that when I’m scared, you don’t leave me alone. You can say any nonsense, the main thing is not to remain silent at these moments.”

Pregnancy is a magical state for a woman, when she realizes her true purpose in this world, when colossal changes occur in her body. And all this, of course, cannot but affect the emotional state of a woman at the beginning of pregnancy.

Women's emotions at the beginning of pregnancy

The beginning of pregnancy is the most difficult period for a woman both physiologically and emotionally. It is during this period that women suffer early toxicosis and it is at the beginning of pregnancy that it begins hormonal changes throughout the body, which also affects emotional background . What explains the special emotional tension of a woman at the beginning of pregnancy?

The thing is that a woman at the beginning of pregnancy is accompanied not only by a surge of hormones that affects her emotional state. The beginning of pregnancy is the time of realizing oneself not just as a social unit (employee, wife, girlfriend, etc.), but also as a future mother. In addition, at the beginning of pregnancy, a woman is accompanied by various types of worries and fears: how to tell your husband, he will be happy too, what to do with work and how will relatives react? And if we also remember that very soon family expenses will increase significantly, and income will decrease - and therefore it is necessary to learn to plan differently family budget? Even if the child is desired and planned, these thoughts will torment future parents. What if the baby was a pleasant surprise? Then there will only be more thoughts and fears. How can one remain calm and not worry?

Features of a woman’s emotional state at the beginning of pregnancy

Once a woman finds out that she is pregnant, she may begin to experience what is called "pregnancy syndrome". Depending on their social status, it occurs differently for all women. If before pregnancy you were a successful businesswoman or at least just worked in a good position, the news of pregnancy can unsettle you for a while, even if you wanted and planned this child. After all, after giving birth, one way or another, you will have to give up work for a while and devote yourself to your family. And it’s quite difficult to adapt to such a polar opposite way of life. In addition, it is unknown how the maternity leave will affect your work and how your superiors will receive this news.

If before pregnancy you did not work or held an ordinary position, then the news of pregnancy will be perceived more calmly by you. After all, if your lifestyle changes, it is not so radically, and, if something happens, it will be easier to find a new job in the same position after maternity leave.

The emotional state of a woman at the beginning of pregnancy is also affected by fears about the upcoming 9 months of waiting, childbirth, recovery period. You may be surprised to notice that sometimes the pregnancy you have been looking forward to causes you to have a negative reaction, uncertainty and reluctance to have this pregnancy. You may be tormented by questions: “Will I be able to bear a child?”, “Will I or my child die?”, “Will I be a good mother?”, “Will I bear childbirth?”, “How much will the financial situation of our family worsen? » etc. These issues may be mixed with fears about loss of sexual attractiveness, personal freedom, and being a stay-at-home mom. In addition, some doctors also say that the fears of the upcoming (even in a little over 8 months) birth may be mixed with the fears of the expectant mother, which have emerged from the subconscious, regarding childhood or even the characteristics of her own birth.

Of course, all these fears and worries cannot but influence emotional background of a woman at the beginning of pregnancy. You may become whiny, anxious, sometimes nervous and even aggressive - especially in cases where your husband does not understand you or does not pay enough attention to you. Therefore, throughout your pregnancy - and especially at the beginning - you need the support, care and participation of your husband, even if, at first glance, you cry and worry about nonsense.

Hormonal changes in the body also have a direct role in shaping your emotional state at the beginning of pregnancy. Even if before the birth of your new life you could be called an “iron lady”, at the beginning of pregnancy the slightest irritant can cause a violent emotional reaction in the form of tears, resentment or irritation. Vulnerability, heightened perception, pessimism- expectant and established mothers know about all this first-hand.

Often women early stages Pregnant women are surprised to say that any romantic or even more or less sad scene from a film, a sad song or a pitiful story simply causes streams of tears from them, which can be extremely difficult to stop. Of course, from the outside it may look strange, but in essence it is sentimentality in early pregnancy– a normal phenomenon. And those who know about your situation will support and understand you.

At the beginning of pregnancy sensory perception changes women. 90% of pregnant women, starting from the second week of pregnancy, complain of altered perception of smells, tastes, colors, and visual images. Of course, such “oddities” of the body are also a kind of irritant and leave an imprint on the emotional state of a woman at the beginning of pregnancy.

If we talk about the origins of these manifestations, scientists believe that in this way the expectant mother is preparing to protect her child from external negative factors. After all, you will agree that with a heightened “sense” it is much easier to notice danger in time.

Hormonal changes are also to blame for the fact that at the beginning of pregnancy women inhibited, is experiencing drowsiness And memory problems, A logical thinking she gradually fades into the background, giving way to sensory perception. The expectant mother begins to engage in those activities that she may not have tolerated before: knitting, embroidery, drawing, playing music, etc. She is more focused on her feelings, and sometimes resembles a child in her reasoning. Such "childhood effect"- the normal emotional state of a woman at the beginning of pregnancy.

The beginning of pregnancy greatly changes the emotional state of the woman and the expectant mother as a whole. After all, now she lives not for herself, but for her baby - and it depends on her how happy her child’s childhood will be. And this is a huge responsibility! Therefore the main function loving husband and other family members - to help the expectant mother survive the difficult period of pregnancy and childbirth, to show sensitivity and understanding. Only in this case will the woman’s emotional state at the beginning of pregnancy not negatively affect either the baby or the expectant mother, and very soon she will be able to give all her relatives the most best gift in the world!