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The topic of stereotypes (patterns) of perception, thinking and behavior is so vast that it can be studied throughout a lifetime. But what if stereotypes are preventing you from living the life you want right now? Having studied a lot of materials, I came to the conclusion that thinking stereotypes have the greatest deterrent and harmful power, since perception and behavior arise from thought processes. What is a stereotype? This is a habitual, established pattern of behavior or thinking in any situation. A person takes this model from past experience of similar situations and applies it unconsciously, mechanically. From this definition it is clear to the naked eye that stereotypical thinking deprives a person not only of new sensations and opportunities, but also of development prospects. Who wants to get stuck in a repetitive cycle of reactions and thought patterns? I think not for those who strive for self-development. So let's figure out how to destroy thinking stereotypes.
Classification of thinking stereotypes
In order to defeat the enemy, you need to know him by sight. You can destroy a stereotype when you have precisely defined it. I suggest short description the five most common thinking patterns.
Polar thinking makes a person see life in black and white, labeling every incident as either “good” or “bad.” While we live in a world where there are hundreds of thousands of half-tone events, people with polar thinking are forced to choose from an extremely limited set of assessments. As you know, nothing bad or good happens in the world at all; everything becomes so only because of our assessments.
Pessimism and maximalism stem from polar thinking. This stereotype is extremely harmful, as it leads to biased perception, inadequate reactions to what is happening, erroneous decisions and low self-esteem.
Overgeneralization is harmful to humans. This stereotype of thinking manifests itself in labeling oneself, others and situations, and labels are chosen based on a single situation (for example, an unsuccessful acquaintance with a girl) and become part of the person’s worldview (“I don’t know how to meet girls”). With this kind of thinking, a person closes most doors for himself, i.e., opportunities, and loses self-respect. falls into depression. A person suffering from this stereotype creates an unchangeable image of himself and can live with it all his life - this is called inflexible thinking. While in a healthy situation a person is a process, constantly changing and renewing.
With selective perception, a person concentrates only on certain aspects of a situation, considering them significant, and discards all others as unimportant. Such one-sided perception leads to the formation of rigid stereotypes and the inability to perceive any opinions different from one’s own. As a result, a person develops dogmatic thinking, when his own views and beliefs are elevated to absolutes and are not subject to criticism and transformation. The extreme degree of dogmatism is fanaticism, which is unwavering devotion to an idea or activity, complete concentration on it and the absence of any other goals.
Signs of selective thinking are: a conviction bordering on fanaticism that only one’s own views are correct, the inability to critically analyze them, the immutability of these views, lack of interest in everything that does not correspond to them, evaluating information based only on the authority of the source, stubbornness and stubbornness in defending one’s beliefs .
Categorization is the scourge of so many people, a stereotype that must be destroyed by any means. The habit of classifying all people, events and phenomena into categories gives rise to generalization and ignoring the individual qualities of... an object. Moreover, each category is endowed with a certain unchangeable assessment (“all hard workers are honest people”, “all rich people are thieves and deceivers”). Based on categories, a person loses objectivity, and with it, the opportunity to communicate with interesting people. undeservedly classified as dishonest or lacking in intelligence (after all, all blondes are “stupid”).
Another destructive thought pattern is unreasonable expectations. From any event, person, from the future in general, a person with this stereotype always expects something: either bad or good. Losing objectivity, such a person attaches excessive importance to any event (or rather, the result of this event), which leads to the emergence of hope and, most often, disappointment, frustration, and resentment. Expectations in relationships with loved ones are especially disturbing: a person builds a system of expectations from a partner in advance, and if he does not fulfill them (and usually they are impossible to fulfill, since they are based not on the real capabilities of the partner, but on his idealized image), he experiences negative emotions. This leads to quarrels, misunderstandings, attempts to change the partner and often to a break in the relationship.
Expectations can be of two types - the first are based on some kind of knowledge (experience), for example, “30-year-old men are ready to start a family,” and the second are groundless, based on fantasies and belief in ephemeral luck.
How to break stereotypes of thinking
A universal tool for combating stereotypes is the pattern breaking technique. which I talked about earlier. As for special cases, here are some tips on how to get rid of the stereotypes described above:
If polarized thinking and pessimism are your problem, the comparison method will help reduce or negate the harmful effects of this stereotype. Don’t be surprised at how simple it is, because, in fact, stereotypical thinking itself is primitive. The method consists of comparing an existing unfavorable situation with another, more negative one that could happen to you. This does not eliminate the problem completely, but it greatly reduces the negative effect of polarized thinking.
Sometimes polar thinking leads to overestimation of demands on oneself, maximalism. Then a person sets goals that are too ambitious and difficult to achieve and harshly criticizes himself in case of failure. Or does not begin to achieve them out of fear. turning into a dreamer. In this case, the advice is to set more realistic goals, work on self-esteem and start taking action - by completing the tasks you have set, you can break the stereotype.
To combat stereotypes of unreasonable expectations and categorization, children's perception will help. Children are so open that they perceive everything as it is, they accept people regardless of their financial status, profession and experience of successes and failures. Try on the model children's thinking- be open to everything and draw conclusions about a person only after you communicate with him, and not based on your ideas about what he is like.
If you are constantly being disappointed in your expectations, it will take gradual work to break this pattern. Whenever you catch yourself expecting, ask yourself the questions: “What are my expectations based on in this situation - on real premises or on my desire to get something?”, “Am I creating circumstances that make it difficult to fulfill my expectations? “,” “Do people understand what I expect from them and why I feel irritated if expectations are not met?”
A stereotype (Greek stereos + typos - “solid” + “imprint”) is an established attitude towards current events, developed on the basis of comparison with their internal ideals. A system of stereotypes constitutes a worldview. Stereotypes, like established opinions, sometimes carry an emotional charge. Both useful and positive, and not so much.
There are many stereotypes that live in a person’s subconscious. They manifest themselves in his behavior, lifestyle and often interfere with living a full life. From childhood, a child is taught what to do and what not to do. What he should be like, how he should behave. Traditional roles imposed public opinion, are subsequently transformed into a variety of stereotypes.
From the moment of birth, a certain type of behavior is imposed on the child. Boys should play with soldiers and cars, girls with dolls. And no one gives them freedom of choice in terms of toys. The same thing happens in adult life. Only now the number of stereotypes is increasing. The desire to comply with social regulations often runs counter to a person’s true intentions and gives rise to various negative derivatives in him: anxiety, fear, anger, aggression. To cultivate positivity in yourself, you need to break down established opinions and labels. The peculiarity of stereotypes is that they penetrate very firmly into a person’s consciousness and are difficult to get rid of. These are barriers to happiness, barriers that must be overcome.
How are stereotypes formed? They are formed mainly spontaneously, from early childhood. By communicating with people, the child learns the norms and rules of thinking. Just as a person learns to speak in contact with other people, he also learns to think. People are brought up in certain political, moral, aesthetic spheres of society, which shape their views and beliefs. In the same way they are brought up in the intellectual, thinking sphere of a certain social group or public environment. Under the influence of such an environment, human thinking skills are primarily developed. The initial, initial sphere (spiritual beginning) for a child is the family.
From the family, the child “photographs” ready-made forms and ways of thinking that his relatives present to him in communication with him. At this stage, there is precisely “photography” of these forms and ways of thinking without their critical awareness. A child, like a sponge, absorbs everything. These forms and methods of reasoning enter his subconscious and settle in him in the form ready-made stereotypes thinking. Forms and ways of thinking that have settled in the subconscious can be both logically correct (meeting the requirements of the laws of thinking) and logically incorrect (developed in violation of these laws). If the logical culture of thinking of relatives is high, then the forms and ways of thinking of the child are as logically correct as possible. If the culture is low, then in many ways the child learns logically incorrect ways. And, accordingly, the stereotypes of thinking are the same. Let's take a look at the main individual and social stereotypes
Stereotype #1
"Children must live up to their parents' expectations"
Starting from the first months of life, the child becomes aware of himself through his relationship with his parents. This spiritual connection continues throughout life. The parent acts as a bearer of established stereotypes for the child, social norms and rules. In addition, he projects the future little man, which is open to all kinds of influences. The process of parental influence occurs continuously and forms the baby’s own picture of the world. It is from mom and dad, grandparents, that children receive information about their appearance, abilities and talents. Through the prism of these assessments, the child learns about what behavior is desirable and what is not.
Scenario A - expectations are too high
Parents know well what they want from their child and strive with all their might to achieve it. They constantly set tasks for him that the baby simply must cope with. If he fails to cope, he will inevitably face the discontent of his parents. This situation keeps the child in constant tense anticipation: whether he managed to please his parents or not. In later life, he will always strive to be the first, to achieve high results at any cost, and any failure will lead, at a minimum, to frustration (failure).
Scenario B - expectations are too low
As a child, such a child constantly hears from his parents: “you can’t”, “you won’t be able to”, “you won’t succeed like ...” As a result, he stops striving for his goals and does not try to achieve even very achievable results . The habit of shifting responsibility to other people will become so ingrained that a person will always follow this principle.
How to break the stereotype?
Parents should perceive their children not as bearers of some talents, but accept them for who they are. Soberly assess their strengths and capabilities, do not put pressure, but be ready to always come to the rescue and give advice.
Every person is influenced to one degree or another by family stereotypes. If the behavior program imposed by the parents is not suitable for addressing various life situations, you need to try to change your initial settings. Do not adapt to the opinions of others, but find your own, complete picture of the world.
And finally, here are the words of the creator of Gestalt therapy, Frederick Perls:
"I do my thing. And you do yours. I do not live in this world to meet your expectations. And you do not live in this world to meet mine. You are you, and I am me. And if we If we happen to find each other, that’s great. If not, then it can’t be helped.”
It’s the same with a child: he doesn’t owe anyone anything and is not obliged to live up to his mother’s and father’s expectations. Parents need to focus their energy on developing the abilities inherent in nature, and not molding the child into what they would like to see. Children are the most important thing in life. These are small individuals, they are valuable in themselves, regardless of parental attitudes...
Stereotype No. 2
"The school should educate the child"
Most parents today have a certain stereotype in their perception of school. Giving the child to educational institution, many mothers and fathers abdicate responsibility for raising him. And a private school often further reinforces this stereotype: I cry, which means everyone owes me.
So what contribution does school make to the development of a child?
Its task is to provide assistance in the upbringing and formation of the child’s personality, and not to assume all educational and educational functions!
The school system as a whole exists based on standards and stereotypes. Democratic and alternative models are much less common. The child fits into the established framework of school life and tries to “find himself” throughout the ten years of schooling.
How to break the stereotype?
Reconsider your parenting position and accept responsibility for born child. When making any decision (enrolling in a kindergarten, finding a nanny, and then choosing a school), parents are obliged to predict and adjust their plans with reality.
And the most important purpose in life is to learn to raise their children throughout their lives! After all, children and their upbringing require daily dedication, warmth, care and love. What you give is what you get in return, so try to give them as much as possible!
Stereotype No. 3
"A woman should get married"
This traditional attitude is imposed by society from childhood. It is generally accepted that a man is the breadwinner, and a woman is the keeper of the hearth. These gender stereotypes act as social norms.
Gender stereotypes are ideas about the differences between men and women that are stable for a given society in a given historical period, standardized ideas about behavior patterns and character traits that correspond to the concepts of “male” and “female.”
However, over time, roles dating back to the distant past have been redistributed. A modern woman is able to combine several functions, and not just be responsible for the household. Or even completely abandon the family component, which is extremely difficult to do without causing public censure. But a woman who is a priori oriented only towards the family may turn out to be ill-prepared for others social roles, which are likely to be in her life.
In our country, a woman who does not start a family is perceived by many as a failure. As a result, fearing public condemnation, girls get married simply because “it’s necessary” and try to save the family by any means, even to the detriment of their own interests and life values.
There is a breakdown of the picture of the world that a woman created for herself under the influence of various opinions both from the family and from the outside. The cliche “a woman should have a family” makes her unhappy and dissatisfied, and all because she did not come to what is important to her on her own, but succumbed to the conditions dictated by society. But every person is individual. What is good for one is not suitable for another. In addition, the infrastructure of the family itself undergoes significant changes in the process of development of human civilization, to which one must also be able to adapt..
How to break the stereotype?
The woman became much stronger and in her capabilities was almost equal to the man, and in some places even surpassed him. Hence the redistribution of roles, the discarding of those functions imposed by established public opinion that a woman does not want to take on. What matters to her is what her heart and soul strive for, and this desire is not always family. If she is interested in a family, she will definitely create one. And if not?! Why does a single person immediately become labeled as “lonely”, “loser”, etc.? And if he is a brilliant specialist, a talented leader, knows how to repair cars well, an excellent person.
It is important to accept the life of another as it is, not to judge, not to impose your point of view, not to cultivate stupid public opinion in yourself. Let each person decide whether to let someone into his life or not, let him build his own, only correct option life. ...The higher the need for public approval, the greater the dependence on it. And no one knows where this “blind” dependence will lead...
Of course, “it is impossible to live in society and be free from it,” but only we decide whether to accept manipulations from the outside, follow them or not? Limit yourself in something, allow other people to take the reins of your life or not? There is always a choice. And he is behind you.
So: stereotypes can be ethnic, role, gender, age, status, etc. According to their content, they are divided into two categories: stereotypes that characterize people as members of certain national and political groups, and stereotypes that characterize personal characteristics people by their behavior, physical qualities, appearance, etc. Today we will continue the list of the most common stereotypes, as well as “methods of combating” them.
"Hard Imprint"
The term “social stereotype” (from the Greek stereos - solid + typos - imprint) was first introduced by the American journalist Walter Lippman. In Lippmann’s concept, two types of knowledge can be distinguished on which a person relies when understanding any phenomena social life. First of all, this is the information that he acquires during own life. But this information does not provide a complete picture of the world, “since the surrounding reality is too large, too complex and changeable,” but the possibilities personal experience limited. A person fills the resulting gaps in knowledge with information drawn from various sources of human culture. But this type of knowledge is not perfect - it often gives a distorted idea of the world. Despite this, such ideas have great stability and are used by people as “codes” (evaluation criteria) of phenomena, facts and events of the surrounding reality. Walter Lippmann called such rigid knowledge codes, assimilated in ready-made form, stereotypes.
But today, contrary to theory, we invite you to destroy the most famous of them!
Stereotype No. 4
"Appearance is more important than internal content"
One of the most common stereotypes is the perception of another person according to certain characteristics: a bespectacled person is smart, a blonde is stupid, a red-haired person is shameless, a thin-lipped or thin person is evil, a plump person is good-natured, etc. These generally accepted opinions about people's appearance "work", as a rule, at the first meeting.
An example of an appearance stereotype that operates mainly on an unconscious level is the stereotype “beautiful means good, positive.” Attractive people are attributed positive personal qualities, and less attractive - negative.
How to break the stereotype?
Learn to recognize another person and accept his position in life. This means looking for that very “zest”: talking with him, understanding and accepting what you disagree with. Natural appearance is not everything. Much more important is the inner content, mysterious charm, and the presence of a sense of humor.
Sincerity, openness, purity, honesty are much more valuable than curls or plump lips...
World history knows facts when people who do not have beauty or outstanding external data have earned worldwide recognition.
Stereotype No. 5
"Beauty requires sacrifice..."
This stereotype was established at the end of the last century. At the beginning of the new century, the criteria for beauty changed significantly. And yet, hundreds of thousands of women and men do not stop swallowing packs of suspicious diet pills and torturing themselves with dubious diets, trying newfangled plastic surgery practices, paying a stupid and peculiar tribute to society and the notorious cliché 90-60-90.
How to break the stereotype?
“Glossy beauties and beauties” is just the fashion industry, a business set on a broad track, where universal recognition and imitation are replaced by a surrogate for beauty. Beauty culture does not require sacrifice. Beauty culture is not at all the now fashionable fasting, expensive cosmetic products or plastic surgery, requiring sacrifices in the literal and figurative sense. The culture of beauty is the worldview of a self-sufficient and satisfied person who finds joy in his own existence!
Stereotype No. 6
"A man is strength, a woman is weakness"
From time immemorial there has been an opinion that a man is strength and heroism, a woman is weakness and humility. Perhaps in past centuries it was appropriate to think and talk about this, but not now...
How to break the stereotype?
Alas, roles in society have long been redistributed. Today, in order to succeed in the current competitive environment, a woman must constantly demonstrate the qualities characteristic of men. And if in a man such qualities as toughness, integrity, assertiveness, and ambition are “healthy,” then in the case of a woman they are rated with a “minus” sign. And yet, if these qualities prevail in a woman, she receives best case scenario stamp "bitch", at worst - " blue stocking". Hence, there is an opinion that, while maintaining the position of the “iron lady,” a strong woman simply does not have the right to make a mistake. Otherwise, she risks being overthrown. “Sometimes it’s worth admitting your own weakness and thereby disarming your partner,” Marina Sergeevna revealed to us a special secret - an experienced leader and simply a charming woman. “Sometimes it’s worth behaving in such a way that it would be inconvenient for your partner to refuse a given undertaking.” And yet... a man and a woman are made for each other. And a woman has a special role - the role of a guardian who allows her to decorate the world around her.
Stereotype No. 7
"The man does not have a car"
“I know one man, quite interesting, prominent, successful, but does not have a car,” thirty-five-year-old Marina Petrovna admitted to us. “In my opinion, this is strange. There is even an opinion among people that if a man does not have a car, then he is at best insolvent, at worst a failure."
How to break the stereotype?
“...And I once asked a friend of mine why he didn’t have his own car,” Marina Petrovna continued. “Imagine, he’s feeling self-esteem answered me: “Having a car is a burdensome task for me. Its maintenance, care, and the driving itself, especially in today’s traffic jams, takes away too much of my precious time and energy, which I happily spend on family and leisure.” In principle, there is nothing scary or strange in the fact that I go to work by bus, and to the dacha or fishing by train."
Stereotype No. 8
"A woman should..."
A persistent and most “deadly” stereotype for many women is that a woman must get married before the age of 25-28, otherwise she will remain an “old maid”. And further: A woman is always a professional worse than a man. A woman must give birth to a child, because giving birth is her main function. Woman + car + technology are incompatible. A woman's place is in the kitchen.
How to break the stereotype?
Let's start with the fact that nobody cares modern woman should not! Today, a woman has become more than just independent. She successfully makes a career, is involved in politics and business. And with all this, she often remains a desirable wife or girlfriend; loving and beloved mother or grandmother. Unfortunately (or fortunately), the time of muslin young ladies is a thing of the past.
Another common stereotype: that women stupider than men. By the way, it is a known fact that the highest IQ in the world was demonstrated by a representative of the fair sex, and it was 228...
Stereotype No. 9
"Men do not cry"
“Sadness not expressed in tears makes the insides cry,” said one of the greats. Should a man cry, does he have the right to do so? Humanity has long decided that this is the lot of women. Don’t we tell our little sons: “Why are you crying like a girl? Don’t cry, you’re a man!”
How to break the stereotype?
Just cry. Nature has endowed man with a unique opportunity, through tears and crying, to “displace” “unnecessary rubbish” from the soul, that is, pain, resentment, grief. Thus, cleansing the body of harmful psychological influences that otherwise purposefully act on somatics. Hence: gastritis, ulcers, heart attacks and many other diseases. In addition, instead of just crying on his “native shoulder,” the man begins to seek solace in alcohol. That's why wise women by “allowing” a man to cry, they recognize real masculinity in them!
Stereotype No. 10
Single mothers are unhappy
This myth has long been debunked, but, unfortunately, still has its harmful effects. Not only the world is changing, but also the principles of family life. If a man is a tyrant, a drunkard and a rowdy, where do you think a woman and her child will be more comfortable? Of course, outside of such a marriage. It is in such a marriage that a woman feels more unhappy and happier after a divorce.
How to break the stereotype?
In this stereotype, society expresses its position - a child should live in a full-fledged family! It's hard to argue with that. Any mistake by adults leads to suffering for children. But, if a woman decides to raise herself, a double responsibility falls on her shoulders - to be both a father and a mother to the child. It is easy to be weak, unhappy, dependent, it is difficult to become strong and independent. “It’s better to be alone than to live with just anyone,” these women say today...
“In order not to fight windmills, you just need to live. Don’t look back at others and don’t cause harm to people. Only then can you break something and then build...”, finished the thought of Irina, a mother who is raising five-year-old Anton on her own.
Stereotype No. 11
"It is believed that a woman should not be the first to tell a man about her feelings..."
This is one of the stable stereotypes of society that lives in our subconscious. There are not many women in the world who can be the first to express their feelings to a man. The reason is that “that’s not how it’s done.” I would like to ask, by whom and when?
How to break the stereotype?
It seems to me that a woman should not be particularly persistent,” Roman told us. - At least she shouldn't talk about her feelings directly. And in order to show them towards a man, she has tenderness and, in the end, cunning! And you should achieve your goal exclusively with the help of these qualities."
Stereotype No. 12
"The Internet is not a place for dating"
It is believed that it is impossible to make decent acquaintances on the Internet. Many are sure that this is even dangerous. The persistent stereotype that “normal” people don’t meet people on the Internet is harsh and monotonous. But at the same time, everyone knows that dating via the Internet opens up new prospects and opportunities.
How to break the stereotype?
“Last year, I married a wonderful man whom I met through a dating site,” our reader Elena told us. “To be honest, I was very wary and skeptical about this type of communication. My friends all said as one: “Lena, this is a utopia!" But, fortunately, “utopia” turned out to be... my soulmate, which I am incredibly happy about. And by the fall, my husband and I will have a baby!"
From the editors I would like to add: we receive many letters from different stories life, including happy couples who met on the Internet.
Stereotype No. 13
"Old age is frailty"
It is generally accepted that the “third age” can only count on sympathy and compassion. But we completely forget that if the “autumn of life” brings with it satisfaction and a sense of unity, then old age becomes a happy time.
How to break the stereotype?
The point is not what a person looks like, but how old he feels.
If, for example, your goal is to make room for you in public transport, then perhaps there is no need to break this stereotype. It’s so convenient to believe in the weakness and infirmity of the elderly. Both to themselves and to those around them. But it’s quite difficult to believe in facts. “I’m 84 years old. Of course, I consider myself a very elderly person,” says reader Polina Fedorovna, “but that’s only according to my passport. But in general, I just live. I love to live. I love my children and grandchildren. Now I live in the country I have beds there, a greenhouse, flowers. And I take care of everything. I live with my grandfather. He’s 92. It’s also hard, of course... But as long as I’m moving, I’m living! ".
We may not have touched on all existing stereotypes. But by voicing some of them, we tried to destroy the cliches that supposedly must be observed. Guided by established templates and clichés, we try to avoid mistakes. And if we violate something, then thanks to the notorious laws we persistently justify ourselves.
But! - Recently unequal marriages(both age and social), as well as guests or civilians were considered strict “taboo”. Or separate wallets... Or the fact that a husband should earn more than his wife... Today, these social phenomena have become loyal. There are more and more “violators” of stereotypes among us. And although they cause mixed feelings among the majority, they, like scouts, pave new roads in the minds, thereby proving that everything is possible in this world...
"Empty Chair"
Each stereotype requires careful elaboration. There is a wonderful technique called “empty chair”, which has a double effect. By speaking unspoken words to an “empty chair”, you are thereby freed from tension. Effect one: external discharge occurs. The muscles relax, becoming elastic, wrinkles are smoothed out, and the body becomes flexible. Effect two: internal discharge occurs. Internally, you cease to be afraid of breaking the rules that society stubbornly imposes on you, thereby gaining freedom. You start doing what you consider important and necessary. As a result, there will be people around you who will share and respect your values and views, despite public opinion.
Each of us has our own “cage of conventions” with many rules and strange rituals. This is probably life in its diversity... But if you suddenly feel that all this is preventing you from being happy, feel free to break it, destroy it, fight for your freedom! One day, having destroyed stereotypes, we will find ourselves in a very strange world, where there is a place for talent, interesting meetings, extraordinary actions, which, due to stereotypical thinking, are not supported by society.
Probably, first of all, you should learn to listen to yourself and your heart, and not other people, and... just become happy.
Don't rack your brains, break stereotypes. And be happy!
The topic of stereotypes (patterns) of perception, thinking and behavior is so vast that it can be studied throughout a lifetime. But what if stereotypes are preventing you from living the life you want right now? Having studied a lot of materials, I came to the conclusion that thinking stereotypes have the greatest deterrent and harmful power, since perception and behavior arise from thought processes. What is a stereotype? This is a habitual, established pattern of behavior or thinking in any situation. A person takes this model from past experience of similar situations and applies it unconsciously, mechanically. From this definition it is clear to the naked eye that stereotypical thinking deprives a person not only of new sensations and opportunities, but also of development prospects. Who wants to get stuck in a repetitive cycle of reactions and thought patterns? I think not to the one who strives for! So let's figure out how to destroy thinking stereotypes.
Classification of thinking stereotypes
In order to defeat the enemy, you need to know him by sight. You can destroy a stereotype when you have precisely defined it. I offer a brief description of the five most common thinking patterns.
Polar thinking makes a person see life in black and white, labeling each incident as either “good” or “bad.” While we live in a world where there are hundreds of thousands of half-tone events, people with polar thinking are forced to choose from an extremely limited set of assessments. As you know, nothing bad or good happens in the world at all; everything becomes so only because of our assessments.
Pessimism and maximalism stem from polar thinking. This stereotype is extremely harmful, as it leads to biased perception, inadequate reactions to what is happening, erroneous decisions and underestimated performance.
Overgeneralization destructive for humans. This stereotype of thinking manifests itself in labeling oneself, others and situations, and labels are chosen based on a single situation (for example, an unsuccessful acquaintance with a girl) and become part of the person’s worldview (“I don’t know how to meet girls”). With this kind of thinking, a person closes most doors for himself, i.e. opportunities, loses, falls into. A person suffering from this stereotype creates an unchangeable image of himself and can live with it all his life - this is called inflexible thinking. While in a healthy situation a person is a process, constantly changing and renewing.
At selective perception a person concentrates only on certain aspects of a situation, considering them significant, and discards all others as unimportant. Such one-sided perception leads to the formation of rigid stereotypes and the inability to perceive any opinions different from one’s own. As a result, a person develops dogmatic thinking, when his own views and beliefs are elevated to absolutes and are not subject to criticism and transformation. The extreme degree of dogmatism is fanaticism, which represents unwavering devotion to an idea or activity, complete concentration on it and the absence of any others.
Signs of selective thinking are: a conviction bordering on fanaticism that only one’s own views are correct, the inability to critically analyze them, the immutability of these views, lack of interest in everything that does not correspond to them, evaluating information based only on the authority of the source, stubbornness and stubbornness in defending one’s beliefs .
Categorization- the scourge of so many people, a stereotype that must be destroyed by any means. The habit of classifying all people, events and phenomena into categories gives rise to generalization and ignoring the individual qualities of the object. Moreover, each category is endowed with a certain unchangeable assessment (“all hard workers are honest people”, “all rich people are thieves and liars”). Based on categories, a person loses objectivity, and with it, opportunities for those who are unfairly classified as dishonest or lacking in intelligence (after all, all blondes are “stupid”).
Another destructive stereotype of thinking - unreasonable expectations. From any event, person, from the future in general, a person with this stereotype always expects something: either bad or good. Losing objectivity, such a person attaches excessive importance to any event (or rather, the result of this event), which leads to the emergence of hope and, most often, disappointment, frustration, and resentment. Expectations with loved ones are especially disturbing: a person builds a system of expectations from a partner in advance, and if he does not fulfill them (and usually they are impossible to fulfill, because they are based not on the real capabilities of the partner, but on his idealized image), he experiences negative ones. This leads to quarrels, misunderstandings, attempts to change the partner and often to a break in the relationship.
Expectations can be of two types - the first are based on some kind of knowledge (), for example, “30-year-old men are ready to start a family,” and the second are groundless, based on fantasies and belief in ephemeral luck.
How to break stereotypes of thinking
A universal tool for combating stereotypes is the technique that I talked about earlier. As for special cases, here are some tips on how to get rid of the stereotypes described above:
- If polar thinking and pessimism- this is your problem; the comparison method will help reduce or eliminate the harmful influence of this stereotype. Don’t be surprised at how simple it is, because, in fact, stereotypical thinking itself is primitive. The method consists of comparing an existing unfavorable situation with another, more negative one that could happen to you. This does not eliminate the problem completely, but it greatly reduces the negative effect of polarized thinking.
- Sometimes polar thinking leads to overestimation of demands on oneself, maximalism. Then a person sets goals that are too ambitious and difficult to achieve and harshly criticizes himself in case of failure. Or does not begin to achieve them, turning into a dreamer. In this case, the advice is to set more realistic goals, work on self-esteem and start taking action - having completed the tasks, you can break the stereotype.
- To combat stereotypes of unreasonable expectations and categorization, children's perception will help. Children are so open that they perceive everything as it is, they accept people regardless of their financial situation and experience of successes and failures. Try on the model of childhood thinking - be open to everything and draw conclusions about a person only after communicating with him, and not based on your ideas about what he is like.
- If you are constantly being disappointed in your expectations, it will take gradual work to break this pattern. Whenever you catch yourself expecting, ask yourself the questions: “What are my expectations based on in this situation - on real premises or on my desire to get something?”, “Am I creating circumstances that make it difficult for me to fulfill my expectations? “,” “Do people understand what I expect from them and why I feel irritated if expectations are not met?”
Allen Carr
Let’s just try to name the most common beliefs (stereotypes), which in practice turn out to be erroneous, limit our development and thus cause many problems.
1. I don’t know something important for myself; the “golden truth” is in the hands of others.
This is what people who are prone to psychological dependence think - UNCONFIDENT IN THEMSELVES. The reason is the removal of responsibility for one’s choices, decisions and actions. The search for authority becomes the only goal, and instead of making independent decisions, there is a search for “someone else’s smart head.”
2. “A person does not change over the years”; I am an already formed personality, my problems are a life sentence.
Convenient position for evasive behavior. This often looks like the whim of a child who does not want to clean up his room and tries to convince his parents that dirt, disorder and helplessness have come into his life.
His task is only to tell him what a mess and how much garbage there is under his bed. When such a person seeks help, he expects the cleaning lady to come and wash his floor.
3. I collect a lot of knowledge, I have a lot of experience. I have strength and value that protect me and help me survive.
Knowledge that is not applied in our lives is a useless accumulation of thoughts about this knowledge. All their strength is compared not to your advantage, that is, it forms low self-esteem, this knowledge is not mine, it is not about me.
Theory cannot replace practice, because a person lives his practical life and for self-confidence it is necessary just be able to what is important to us.
And then, not every life experience is proof of our wisdom. There are situations - lessons that await their solutions and new conclusions, reassessments. The mechanical accumulation of such experience creates the illusion of a “useful set,” but it contains more errors and less usefulness.
So what are we proud of when we say about ourselves: “I am an experienced person”?
4. Ideological cliches often replace a person’s ideas about his personal spiritual growth.
For example, approved behavior "I am a kind person" often turns into a tool for using our goodness and manipulations based on pity. If your resources are used “one way”, without reciprocity, then you are being used.
Skill know and see true values allow you to appreciate yourself and your capabilities. That is, our good deeds cannot fail us; this shows responsibility for our energy.
Respect is bound with internal contact true values, and not with approved behavior. When we understand the principle of reciprocity, we ourselves do not allow the exchange of unequal values.
A wise man will not allow asking for help find yourself in the position of a debtor if the person asking violates the “rules of the game” - an exchange of equal values.
5. I take care of the needs of others, and let everyone who likes me take care of me.
This approach in itself is manipulative. Only the person himself knows about his needs and he has a minimum of his own resources for this to implement the necessary things. But a person tries to give this minimum to the needs of others, while he himself expects his needs to be served in exchange.
So how does helping (give or take) differ from personal responsibility?
Try to put your minimum needs first and satisfy what you need. When you feel resourceful, you can help those in need.
And never to the detriment of yourself, otherwise this sacrificial position can completely “de-energize” you.
Svetlana Oriya, psychologist
With each new step, bringing closer the Enlightenment of deep waters that are clean and not clouded." (c)
****
I recommend being patient and watching all 5 parts of this scientific documentary.
When a person understands how his own brain works, he will more easily let go of the stereotypical set of ideas about his capabilities, which for some reason he trusts more than the properties of his nature.
It turns out that our brains are self-learning.
And, of course, experts know about this, but the film talks about it in an accessible way for a wide range of people interested in their development.
It is important to understand that frozen images about oneself block the formation of new connections, in the form of “active pathways” in the brain. Which, in fact, is the main reason for stopping human development at any age after professional training.
If we ourselves do not interfere with the formation of “new bridges” with false ideas, then the neurons themselves find the necessary connections. They just need to be allowed to work, given a new practical task and reinforced with repetitions.
Most psychological problems: such as self-doubt, low self-esteem, dependence on the opinions of others, poor memory or poor receptivity to new skills - all this is created by stereotypical attitudes.
Svetlana Oriya, psychologist
****
Svetochka, dear, how wonderfully said!
I am so familiar with this program of suffering, laid down since childhood by limiting dogmas and frameworks for people in any society!
The only pity is that most of them are very “overgrown with peculiar shells” and do not even want to think that they can change for the better, and be and feel absolutely satisfied and happy every minute of this precious life!!!
Olga Kravtsov
Documentary film, co-production BBC and The Open University, will try to find the answer to how the human mind works and how it can be used to its maximum efficiency.
Why does one person feel danger and another does not? How can experience tell us whether we should trust people? And how do children learn complex movements just by thinking about them?
The answer lies in the most amazing part of each of us, our mind. Every second we're awake, without us even realizing it, our minds are busy learning about the world around us.
But our capacity for knowledge is even greater than we think. By learning how the mind works, we can improve our cognitive abilities and unlock our true potential.
Man has made great strides in studying his body.
But the human mind still remains a mystery.
(http://gnozis.info/?q=node%2F21472)
I just watched the movie.
Scientists confirm that there are no unchangeable people, and that everyone, if they want, can change for the better, control their reactions and emotions.
The problem is that very few people realize that character and nature are not a verdict, but rather a challenge that is worth accepting and getting the most out of it!
Before the reader gets acquainted with my essay, I should probably say a few words about myself.
The paradox of fate is that I started publishing in Russian in Finland, and in my own country, in whose language and for whose people I write, in Finnish. The magazine “Carelia”, published in Petrozavodsk in Finnish, has long translated my stories “Sunny Snakes”, “Pre-Christmas crush”, “Leningrad - Krasnoyarsk - and back”, “Red turtle”, “Zadryga”, “Forty-eight hours of travel” home”, articles “I am in Finland” and “ Dear men Congratulations on March 8th”, published abroad. I started publishing in Russian magazines in Russian as an author literary works only since 2003.
My new essay is a continuation of a series of essays that were written about the countries where I was lucky to live: India, Denmark, France. And now - another country in which I have been since 1993.
So, “Finland is ahead!”
Under this title, the first essay was published in 1994, which marked the beginning of all my further literary publications. It's been since then
10 years later, and I am returning to this topic again, from the perspective of new experience.
I first came to Finland in 1989.
I got off the train and felt that everything around me was different: the architecture of the buildings, the streets, the shops, the people with the cute Kyusymüksy language (“Kysümüs” means “question” in Finnish); even, it seems, the sky was different: it was impenetrable, lay flat overhead, enveloping the middle of the day in twilight, and rain fell from it in small grains in January. And I realized that I was in another country, in a place called “the capital of Finland.” The Sokos store ran into me, then the Stockmann store - like huge ocean liners, full of everything! - I turned my head right and left, looked at everything with interest, smiled, everyone around me also smiled. Almost no one spoke English, but everyone tried to make my stay in their country as enjoyable as possible.
I also easily traveled to neighboring Sweden on an amazing ferry, which still runs between Helsinki and Stockholm, with music, bars, boutiques, some theatrical performances and an unforgettable buffet, where I ate five plates for a purely nominal fee in these days delicacies and at night I realized how people die from gluttony. (But she still survived and returned safely back to Helsinki).
This was my first time visiting a country where Finns live.
Of course, I remembered the two heroines of Andersen’s fairy tale (Gerda came to them when she was looking for Kai): Lapland and Finka, who corresponded on dried cod. I remembered exactly these characters when I looked at the people around me: they were laconic, but also kind and ready to help.
In one of the articles by Professor Arto Mustajoki of the University of Helsinki, I read about how Finns define themselves: a serious attitude towards work -
No - this is the most important thing in life - they love to work; work quickly, accurately, accurately; they are silent and do not show emotions, people are reserved, modest, reasonable; there are few friends, relationships with friends are not warm, but kind and faithful; They love stability and order, and are raised to be polite. Authority is respected.
This is exactly what I think I felt for that a short time while I was here.
They took me to the recently opened scientific center “Eureka”. It was unusual and beautiful, especially the stereo film that was shown at the end: I had the complete feeling that I was sailing on a boat.
They showed me how the most famous Laboratory in Finland and world famous works. low temperatures Helsinki University of Technology (Kylmalaboratorio). Having led me through a simple door that looked more like a garage into a long corridor, they told me: “This is where Finnish physical science is done.” Along the entire corridor, concentrated people sat in rooms near computers with their backs to each other, and beyond there were huge rooms with installations. There was complete silence, except for the noise of the copy machine. I was told: “No one talks during the working day in Finland.” And my eyes ran wild from the beautiful erasers, sharpeners, paper clips, multi-colored ones lying on the tables ballpoint pens, folders, snow-white Finnish paper, from the whiteness and cleanliness of the walls.
The guide took me (the only tourist!) around the Parliament building. I visited the Athenaeum, and the National Museum, and many others. I was invited to restaurants and guests. And when I was delighted with everything I saw and heard, they only modestly shook their heads and smiled, and when I violently expressed emotions, they threw up their hands and said as a matter of course: “But it’s always like that with us!”
The girls and boys in hats with pom-poms and backpacks on their shoulders reminded me of Christmas gnomes and touched me.
Helsinki remains in my memory as a quiet, calm city with a measured life of modest, hardworking people who respect their own traditions and history. Finns.
But I never forget that tempora mutantur et nos mutamur in illis 1.
In ninety-three, I came to Finland again, and I was struck by the state of depression in which people were. Everything seemed quiet and wary. It may have been invisible to the eye, but it was felt.
I settled down for a long time. When you live in an environment, it is much more difficult to see the changes that occur in it. But the first thing, I think, that catches your eye is the Russian buses in the center of Helsinki and the Russian speech that sounds around. You are in it all the time: on the street, in shops, in cafes.
Teenagers swear with familiar words somewhere in the subway or near a supermarket... sorry, kkk-MARKETа... This also creates an appropriate aura... Those who got here much earlier than us and who always tried to carry Russian Culture within themselves - I I wrote both words with a capital letter because that’s what I meant, you should probably feel disappointed: now we so often demonstrate incivility, and it looks sad. It is in that environment that Russian little things of everyday life are still preserved: Russian sweets, tea in thin glasses in cup holders, which creates the illusion of a certain lifestyle. Just a few years ago, among the “old Russians” they said with concern: “We must preserve the language of Pushkin and Tolstoy!”
When I go to a store now (at Stockmann), I probably don’t feel any difference, as if I were in a Russian department store. Nearby I hear: “Okay, let’s move on, let’s see what they give here!” Or: “So which chandelier should I take: with five arms or three?.. Crystal, Italian... Two? And where will we hang the second one?..” (this is a consultation with my wife on a mobile phone). Having recognized me as Russian, they suggest: “Now we will call a Russian seller who will serve you.” And just before closing they announce in beautiful Russian: “Dear customers! There are 15 minutes left before the store closes.”
On the street, I have a complete feeling that I am in Moscow: cars are rushing, people are rushing, hitting each other, everyone is in a hurry somewhere, and if they are not in a hurry, they are annoying (“And why don’t they let you pass?! We stopped here!” ). On sales days, a stream of plastic bags stuffed with things moves around Helsinki. You can no longer sit in previously empty metro cars during rush hours; standing with right side escalator, you feel the endless movement of people on the left. And where did they go, those among the white snowdrifts, hidden in cozy wooden houses, whiling away the winter evenings with a cup of strong coffee and listening to whether the Christmas bells are already ringing in the distance on the neck of the joulupukki (Christmas goat), which, clattering its hooves, rushes across the snowy plains of Finland from north to south?
All around - to the right, to the left, in front, behind, from afar - remarks are heard in our language:
With legs, legs, step by step...
Maybe we can go to Antilla?
There's nothing there, I've been running since morning...
Well, they said they won’t take it yet, you have to wait a little...
Look, your aunt is trying on a cool coat!..
Am I going to become ugly or something!..
Oh, women, let's get out of here, this is already yesterday for us...
Mine is unhappy that I’m not going to America with him, but I told him: “I’m depressed! I need to arrange my life!”
Always give men only super sexy...
Fuck them...!
And at school the teacher said today...
Let's go here again: look, it's so beautiful...
And for the entire underground passage via mobile phone:
Lekha, where are you stuck? Meet me at the turn!..
Or they turn to you with a question, trying to get it right in Finnish:
Voisitteko kertoa missa... katu on? (Can you tell me where such and such a street is?)
Something like this, of course.
And I answer in pure Russian, as I would answer in Moscow:
Oh, girls, I don’t know.
And I already receive it in Russian:
Sorry...
The formerly shy Finnish youth now laughs loudly, smokes, spits right at the feet of those standing at the bus stop - sometimes I want to come up and say: “Why are you being disgraceful! Why are you polluting the city!” (I speak Finnish fluently, honestly, would have done so) - and (!) more and more often runs across the street, not paying attention to the traffic light! (At this point in the story, the Finns are indignant and hopelessly shake their heads - they say, nothing can be done about these young people now).
Schoolchildren are walking in a multi-colored crowd - multi-colored not only in clothes, but also in skin color.
Well, Lyudmila, it’s only here in the south. (Helsinki is the south, by the way. - OK.). And then everything is completely different. There is real Finland there.
Yes, yes, I agree. Not all at once. Step by step...
But that's not what I mean.
What I mean is that gradually not a trace remains of the complexes of mothers and fathers, and national hats are gradually being replaced by world fashion.
But despite any of her tricks, despite the steady movement towards the world standard (and the standard in general), a Finn and a Finnish woman at heart retain Finnish style and fashion and will unmistakably determine where you bought your coat: in a consumer goods “Stockmann” or in “Marimekko” ”, whose style, like Alvar Aalto’s, cannot be transferred to foreign soil - they are only Finnish. Not everyone likes both styles:
Well, Marimekko is always stripes!
Alvar Aalto's style seems too cold to me! I do not like him.
But here I come to work wearing a coat from Marimekko. At first they look at it, and I understand that it made an impression. Then, when I take it off, they offer me a coat hanger, take it from my hands carefully, almost blowing away the dust particles, and respectfully hang it in the closet. Finnish men, who are not inclined to compliments, may not be able to stand it: “Your coat is beautiful!” And this is the highest assessment of your taste!
All these, of course, are purely external things.
Writing about Finland to a Russian who got there in the 90s means, first of all, writing about getting used to the environment.
Finland probably occupies a special place in this sense. In Helsinki, for example, Russian programs of the Savoy Theater are constantly operating, art exhibitions are often held, and St. Petersburg and Moscow artists come on tour. And although there were too many Kuklachev and his cats, how many Finnish children sat in the audience at each of his performances! And besides, there are numerous clubs, circles that can be visited not only by Russians, but also by Finns, and finally, various associations. Nostalgia, you see, is difficult to experience. And our country is a four-hour train ride from the capital. All this creates the feeling that it’s as if they weren’t disconnected at all. It’s a pity that there are no Itinerant artists now to paint, for example, a picture: “To Vyborg for groceries.” And not only do we not feel nostalgia, but rather the opposite. Perhaps this is why people who have the opportunity to come to Russia once a year at best have a different attitude towards it. When you go far away, everything moves to an immeasurable distance. And here it is nearby. And the conversation about the Finns goes only this way: “they” and “we”, as if standing opposite each other, but according to different sides borders.
First of all, it seems to me that it is necessary to destroy the stereotypes that people are so inclined to create and from which it is not so easy to escape.
“Why do Russians always say that Finns hate them?” - I was asked more than once. (Here it is necessary to make a reservation that we were talking exclusively about newly arrived migrants). To be honest, I don’t know how to answer this question, since I understand what is meant: a predetermined attitude with which most people are going to enter a new environment. And by the way, is he going to say?..
I remember at one of the meetings of Russian-speaking people (it seems we can’t escape this term anymore) some new resident complained that her Finnish neighbors smeared mayonnaise and ketchup on her door. I must say that I did not feel any compassion for her. I thought: “What have you brought them to, poor people!” Do such people ever ask themselves the question: how much good do we see from ourselves, especially now, when such a countless number of us live abroad, closely grouped in certain foreign “Russian-speaking” communities? How do we look from the outside and what do we do to be “loved”? And finally, why should we be “loved”? I dismiss in advance all meaningful sighs about this, complaints about the “difficulties” of fate and other things that those who gladly left their country overnight, hoping to find better ones, love to repeat. living conditions to another. And, having found it, I realized that this was not at all what was worth looking for, because I found myself, as it were, thrown out of the new environment, although he now lives in a large apartment, and not in a two-room tenement.
Various post-Soviet citizens are flowing abroad. Where can you find them now! Even writing about this is boring. How many times have our statements been discussed on the streets of European cities!
In the central square of Geneva, in the historical center of the city, among the Renaissance houses one can hear:
You see, she only accepts pasta, potatoes, she doesn’t eat meat at all...
“And I love prunes,” they interrupt the narrator.
Before I got to Monaco, three people overtook me on the path in the park and, hearing that we also speak Russian, struck up a conversation and were surprised:
From Finland? We've gone far! And we work at Radio Liberty.
“Does it still exist? What a plusqvamperfectum now, however!” - I think to myself.
Among those who are settling abroad firmly, forever, of course, there are also former holders of party tickets, some who at one time enjoyed “privileges” or in our wonderful, such a “humane” country, they were engaged in “knocking” and “drowning” their fellow citizens - he placed “pawns on the chessboard.” And so, once abroad, people become quintessential (if such a word can be formed), transferring the party-trade union relations that have been forever strengthened in the mentality to a new soil. Finland is no exception here. Former members of the CPSU thrive by adapting to life among foreigners, just as they previously adapted to “that” life - the ability of such people to adapt is colossal. And when the words are thrown at a foreign audience: “I didn’t work for the Soviet government,” and the foreign audit
Riya - a champion of democracy - is ready to applaud the speaker, I want to get up and leave the hall. I still think every time: “What did these people do with their party books? Have they really thrown them away, the treasured ones, with the help of which benefits were distributed?”
All such things distract, interfere, and direct thoughts in a different direction. And it's sad.
Over the past few years, literally before my eyes, the Russian-speaking population of the areas adjacent to Greater Helsinki has increased several times. Ingrians who received this right in 1991 still come here for permanent residence, and not only them: people whom the Finns invite for scientific work, people working in the field of art, in various joint ventures and firms, in the service sector, and simply those who find ways to move to live in another country.
Entire residential areas have appeared where a huge number of Russian-speaking people are concentrated.
Language, as we know, is a means of communication. And how will you communicate if you don’t know the language? Yes. This is where problem number one usually arises, because at a certain age it can be very difficult for people to learn a foreign language. Moreover, such a difficult one as Finnish, which has fifteen cases. Moreover, for people who, in our past Soviet reality, never learned foreign languages. Although you can, of course, learn to view cultural news and watch Finnish programs on television. And that's already good.
When they say that the most important thing is to learn a language in order to integrate, I seriously doubt it. Among my friends there are those who know the Finnish language perfectly, have lived in Finland for a long time and have not integrated into Finnish society at all. Of course, language is one of the conditions. But there are, after all, a million means nonverbal communication, which help people all over the globe understand each other without words. There would be a desire to communicate, and the means would be found. And do we always understand well, say, people who speak the same language as us - Russian? Even the syntactic structure of a phrase is different among different strata of society.
A long time ago, when I was just starting to live in Finland, one of my Finnish friends said: “If you don’t come to your neighbors yourself, they won’t come to you. You have to take the first step.” I remember this.
One day I was traveling by train to Moscow. My traveling companion, who, as it turned out from the conversation, had moved to Finland for permanent residence several years earlier, turned out to be an old man - he looked about forty years old. He previously worked as a fireman. A strong, healthy, essentially young man. And suddenly, in what he was telling, something flashed that immediately alerted me, something familiar, something that is now sold in bookstores everywhere and is selling like hot cakes: “He will come!.. He will judge, no one will hide from Him.” !..” Honestly, I decided not to pay attention and move the conversation. I began to ask how his problem with employment was being solved. It turned out that my companion is not particularly concerned about this problem, since he receives social benefit, which is quite enough for him. “Soon He will come and see everything!” - concluded my interlocutor. I switched to the topic of leisure. It turned out that this problem is solved even easier, since television - a Russian program - is the main source of information and a means of communication with the world. And more reading, of course. Reading about Him.
This is not the only case, unfortunately, when people who settled on the territory of another country live only in its territories, in fact, continuing to remain residents of the country from which they came, do not want to realize that they are now in another country. Their communities, the local “cells” of our diaspora, are closed structures with all the relationships inherent in them. We have created many mini-Russies: we brought our Russian relations and transformed them in accordance with local conditions. In one of these communities, I even heard: “Let’s study how Russians influence local culture!” (We were talking about 400 Russians in a city with a population of 400 thousand).
Yes, in the age of globalization we are talking more and more about conservation national characteristics and national culture. What would we do without this? This is, after all, the Culture that raised a person from childhood, the Culture that he will carry throughout his life, the Culture that makes up his inner self. But I’m not entirely sure that this has anything to do with the place where a person may have to live later. Who knows how life will turn out? The core that a person carries within himself does not depend on his place of residence.
Of course, in Finland, as, I think, in any other country, you can live in such a way as to never say hello to anyone and never find out who lives next to you. “Listen,” I said once, seeing that a neighbor, hung with four children, was simply blocking me from the one he was holding in his arms, and was not going to notice me, “in Russia, when we meet, people we know always say hello. Maybe this is not the case for you, but let’s still say “Moi!” to each other. ("Hello")".
IN Palm Sunday children come to “recruit”, and although I understand the rhyme they blurt out from the fifth to the tenth, I gladly fill their outstretched palms with chocolates.
My doorbell rings: “Lyudmila, are you going to the residents’ meeting?” (I live in a co-op small house). - “Oh, I don’t know the language well, again I don’t understand what we’re talking about!” - “Nothing, we will help. Come on, come on! We will solve our pressing issues!”
We will decide our questions! My Finnish neighbors came to me to go solve our issues. And we decide, for example, where to move the children’s sandbox and swing so that they don’t stick out under everyone’s windows and so that the children have a pleasant time playing and swinging on the swing among the pine trees. Because of this very sandbox, I fought with everyone, proving that children should be taught aesthetics. I generally swear terribly, just like in my “historical homeland” in Moscow. “Well, what did you do here? - I am indignant about some minor repair work. “After all, now you can fall in this place in winter!” Unlike Russians, Finns have an excellent quality: they can admit their mistakes. A Russian will almost never do this! He will realize that he is wrong, but will not admit it. And a Finn can say: “Yes, I was wrong!” And then we laugh and are friends again.
And in the fall we landscape our common area: we go to the store to buy plants, soil in bags, and make markings. “Where do you think I should plant the hydrangea?” - the neighbors ask. - “Oh, guys, I don’t know, you’re Finns, you have your own Finnish design!” - I’m embarrassed. - “No, you tell me!” You’re doing a beautiful job!”
Everything is planted, everything is watered and growing, children build sand fortresses and swing on swings among birches, spruces and pines. “And now we have to know what to do...” I begin. “Wait, Lyudmila, now we need a little rest-
no! - they stop me. “You’re doing everything too quickly!”
I would not at all want to give the impression that I am writing some kind of Finnish pastoral. People are people everywhere, and no one should be idealized. As one of those who remade the bad work of another said: “We are also different.”
I came from a country where a Georgian could be a neighbor, a Tatar could live on the floor below, and a Jew or an Armenian could live opposite. Yes, and there were Finns. My grandmother in Ukraine had a Finnish lodger! And we all communicated without thinking that we should somehow “integrate” - we all had common problems that we solved. We were never interested in who spoke what language at home. And who are the Russians themselves? How many different bloods mixed in us?
Among my many acquaintances there were families in which the mother was Russian, the father was Icelandic, the children did not know these languages - their native language was Danish, and they considered themselves Danes.
Was once in Soviet times children's television game that was invented in the GDR. It was called “Do with us, do as we do, do better than us!” There you didn’t need to know German - you had to know the rules of the game. “How do you live in Finland, France, Germany?..” is a question that is asked to everyone who comes to a foreign country.
“How do I live in this country?” - this is the question that I think everyone should ask themselves.
The tram got lost, the sign said that the wait for it would be a full 17 minutes, then it was barely dragging along. And of course I'm late for class. And in general, flags are hanging everywhere, but I didn’t look at the calendar: maybe there won’t be any lessons today? But it seems no one warned about anything.
I enter the company out of breath. Everyone is there, working, but waiting for the teacher.
Why flags today? - I ask straight away.
Holiday.
Sweden Day.
Oh yes, there is such a day on the calendar.
And what does it mean? How is it celebrated? - I ask the question for the purpose of speaking practice, and at the same time for myself - you always learn something that you have not yet comprehended.
They shrug their shoulders vaguely.
Well, after all,” I ask. - After all, it’s a holiday. How do you celebrate it?
But before, when I was little, says Simo, they always celebrated. On this day, November 6, we beat them.
Beaten? Whom?
Those who spoke Swedish.
For what? - My eyes widen in bewilderment.
Why did they speak it? We just went out and beat them that day.
And where did these “battles” take place? “I’m already starting to get curious.”
On the Esplanadi or in the park near the Assumption Cathedral. We would gather there in the afternoon and start punching them.
Yes, they just walked towards them and started beating them. Everyone already knew that there would be a fight that day and were preparing for a brawl.
So it was like fist fights?
Well, something like that.
Then it is at least clear why transport is so bad today.
Simo laughs:
No, no, it's just something being changed in the computer system.
Well, yes, they specially timed it for this day: the computers don’t work, the trams are at a standstill, the traffic lights are turned off, - I continue to joke... - Why did you shout when they were being beaten?
Sometimes it's just hurri, but it's not bad word, usual. We just called them that...
And what awaited you at home when you returned with a black eye?
At home I still got it from my parents, of course. In the kitchen, on the wall, behind the clock, there was a rod to intimidate us - we were very naughty. “And they quite clearly show me the size of the weapon with which disobedient boys were turned into well-mannered young men, they demonstrate its position in space and the mechanisms of influence.
Horror! So you were beaten? “I can’t even believe this.”
Well, mom used a rod, yes... And every time she cried when she punished her with this rod. He beats and says: “Why are you so disobedient, and when will you obey me...”
Dad just scolded. But when he punished, it was with a belt. And it was truly terrible. - Remembering, Simo grins and shakes his head: - Yes, there were times... The yard went to the yard. But now none of this ever happens, no one goes after anyone anymore. Back then the war was still remembered, cards were canceled only in 1956... Of course, I didn’t find the cards anymore, but then everyone around me was talking about it. Now everything has calmed down.
It's clear. So, you sometimes remember Gustav Adolf... - I say and don’t continue further.
But we also remember Emperor Alexander,” Simo continues, realizing that I didn’t finish, smiling. - It happens before Christmas, when Christmas songs are sung. We have a long, long song, like a ballad. Her words reach the heart of every Finn.
What is it about? - I ask interestedly (not forgetting about educational goals - once again conversational practice).
It’s hard for me to tell you everything in Russian. But in short, it retells the biblical story in conjunction with the Finnish one. It is usually sung by four boys - tiernapojat (crowned with thorns). And there, in one of the parts, the name of Emperor Alexander is mentioned.
Do you remember these words?
Simo takes a piece of paper, after thinking a little, begins to write, then hands it to me:
Keisari Aleksanteri
Suomen Suuriruhtinas,
Han pois otti orjuuden,
Han pois otti styrankin...*
Impressive, of course. And most importantly - the truth. And we forgot a long time ago.
And that’s probably why there are always flowers at the monument,” I say respectfully.
Well, no,” Simo laughs again, “that’s not why.” This is to make it clear that everything in the city is in place, everything is as it should be...
In Finland, interest in Russia is constant: we are both closest neighbors and have close historical ties - this is evidenced, for example, by the names of the central streets of Helsinki (Aleksanterinkatu, Liisankatu, Sofjankatu) and its architecture.
The Finnish audience always perks up when they hear the word “horse” (meaning nag in Finnish) or “lafka” - there were quite a lot of Russian words in the old Helsinki slang, and “kiiseli” is a “normal Finnish” name for jelly. Now, however, we are gradually adding new “words” and have absorbed someone else’s language into ourselves, too, forming a kind of “Helsinki dialect” of the Russian language.
Finns love Russian art, ballet, constantly stage Chekhov's plays, organize exhibitions and tours, introducing their citizens to world culture. Of course, it is very difficult, almost impossible, to predict the ebb and flow of this interest in us. For example, the number of people who want to learn Russian fluctuates constantly in one direction or the other. And if in the first half
In the 90s, classrooms were overcrowded, but now everything is mainly dictated only by commercial needs. Interest in us has clearly fallen: studying the weak is boring and unnecessary - you won’t find role models among them. In such a situation, it is important to be especially careful. People leave Russia and somehow forget that this is a country that gave education, culture, and allowed them to achieve a certain material level (according to their own Russian capabilities). Is it possible to disown and is it possible to disown forever what was once yours, is it possible to run away from it? After all, no matter how much time passes, it will still sit inside. I recently heard from a newly minted Israeli citizen that his native language is Hebrew! And I, communicating with him for twenty-five years in Russian in our once common country, thought that we were people of the same culture...
Sometimes people say to me: “What are you writing about? We all know that!” People, as always, want fairy tales about kings and queens...
At the corner of two central streets of Helsinki - Mannerheim and Aleksanterinka -
that one - they perform “Kalinka”, or “Let them run clumsily”, or try to reproduce Vysotsky’s repertoire with a cracked voice - for every taste, whichever you like best.
Early in the morning, at the exit from the metro, several “Jews” (for the uninitiated, that’s what they call the euro, as they once explained to me on the Moscow-Helsinki train) tossed into the hat that stands nearby, for show, to someone else’s tune - either Spanish or Italian - Russian words are sung, and I, involuntarily listening, note to myself as I walk: my native language sounds no worse than Italian! And how Lomonosov said everything correctly!..
I rush past and get lost in the crowd, which is also rushing about its business...
Helsinki, April 2004
1 Times change, and we change with them ( lat.).
*Tsar Alexander,
Grand Duke of Finland,
He abolished slavery
He destroyed tyranny...
