In general, there are countless ways to find your own purpose and meaning. Starting from writing out your ideas about an ideal life in a column, replicated in hundreds of cozy articles, and ending with a three-day meditation on the slopes of the Tien Shan. The problem is that it suits different people different ways and what may be a useful practice for some may be a waste of time for others.
So, what method of finding yourself do I propose?
We will go from the opposite. From the opposite in the literal and figurative sense: from disgusting stereotypes that interfere with effective living. Actually, this is one of the obstacles on the way to real life. And - attention! - the path to this very real life often begins with the realization of what a veil lies before your eyes, how much you do not understand and did not even suspect the existence of many things. And now, in order.
First. Almost all of us have certain stereotypes and prejudices. Having gotten rid of them we still Not let's find our own destiny (I don't like this pretentious word, but don't poke everywhere "find your self"). Without them, we risk being left simply without any beliefs and principles, without an inner core. But you need to get rid of at least part of it, and the sooner the better.
Second. There is a group of prejudices that life itself often rids people of in one way or another. In general, if you wish, you can distinguish many types of stereotypes. There are those with whom we were awarded by upbringing, parents and school. There are those developed by one’s own cones, as a result of failures in life (or vice versa, successes). And then there are cockroaches that have settled in your head as a result of regular communication with a certain circle of people. People of different professions, social status and age (and so on) have different stereotypes. In extreme cases, this results in professional deformation of the individual. So, if the group of people to which you belong is quite narrow and specific in some way, then, most likely, the stereotypes that it instills are quite easy to destroy.(If something is not clear here, don’t worry, there will be an example below;)
And finally, the essence of the method.
Which is very simple. You need to destroy the stereotypes created by those around you. As a rule, liberation from them gives a powerful impetus to the thought process. You naturally begin to think about life and wonder at yourself - how could you not understand such simple things.
Now, in order.
1. Destruction of group stereotypes. Everything is simple here. We communicate with other people who do not belong to the “circle” and try to understand and even slightly accept their values and aspirations, which are different from ours. Usually people never do this (unless life pokes their nose at the fact that their aspirations are worthless, that they are chasing something worthless).
It is common for a person to subconsciously consider his own style of life and thinking to be the most correct. Otherwise, his life will be very uncomfortable. Therefore, you will have to make some effort not to look down on other people's values and goals. Just try to weigh them objectively.
2. The second step is more difficult. It is important not to ruin the awakened doubts about the complete correctness of the chosen paths and values. What usually happens? If a person is pointed out that he is not living very correctly and is striving for the wrong things, he does - what? That's right, he runs to like-minded people and, after chatting with them for an hour or two, his spirit brightens and he is filled with joy. Let the experts correct me, but, as far as I know, it is very difficult to cure alcoholism if you do not separate the person from the company in which he drinks. Same with everything else. Only the beliefs that dominate in different microsocieties (wow, how I screwed up) can be anything, and not just “drinking and drinking is our everything.”
3. Now it is important that reflections in the spirit of “there is something I’m doing/thinking wrong in my life” do not turn into complete negativity. You need to concentrate on positive questions: “what should I do?” “What would a person do without cockroaches”? etc.
4. Actually, that's all. The process is running (if running). We began to get rid of stereotypes - slowly and naturally. Why natural? Because our group stereotypes are already being tested every day: billions of people on Earth live differently and strive for different goals. Moreover, if this process is controlled consciously, it goes much faster, and most importantly, we do not just shed prejudices. We replace them with consciously developed values and goals that are fundamentally important to us and based on reality, and not on human misconceptions.
This is a fundamental point: as I wrote above, simply by getting rid of all the cockroaches, a person risks remaining in a psychologically uncomfortable, hostile environment. And this does not bode well, of course.
If all of the above seemed to you reasoning divorced from life, then delve into the example. Private.
When I was at university, we had a very strong academic group that went through the fire and water of a competition of 20 people/place. Accordingly, a lot of good girls have been selected, who have been drummed into them since childhood that an A is “our everything.” I've never been much of a slob, but in this company I felt like one. And - attention - literally in a couple of months I adopted a bunch of stereotypes from my environment. It happened unnoticed and I only realized it later, a couple of years later. And then - I really earnestly studied, studied and studied. By obtaining knowledge that I absolutely don’t need right now.
Do you understand? A person begins to share the values of a group of people with whom he constantly communicates. It is an innate human need to belong to a group. We all understand that a group can profess any values and strive for any goals.
But that's not what's important. The important thing is that it was precisely when I realized the unrealistic stupidity of intensive study, monstrously divorced from life, that I began to think about important things. About what we still need to strive for. About what real success in life is. About how to find inner freedom. And about many more things. And, it seems to me, I finally found myself.
And all this happened almost by itself. But what if you make an effort and manage this process wisely, huh?
Good luck!!!
P.S. Perhaps it would be superfluous to emphasize that this method of finding oneself in life is not suitable for everyone, but only for those who have many group (or other easily destroyed) stereotypes. Unfortunately, there is no universal way. But that’s even more interesting, right?
Stereotypes of behavior that a person gets used to in the course of his life put pressure on everyone. For example, I completely agree with the concept of rational egoism (and, in general, I am its creator). And I fulfill it scrupulously.
But in the process of communicating with your dear fellow tribesmen (especially in public places - institutions, metro, trolleybuses) you have to deal with such forms of behavior of other people that the atavistic desire to force the brains of this “scoundrel” still begins to break out at the first moment. a muddy wave of negative emotions.
Of course, I skillfully “cover up” my mistake and next time I control my behavior and my emotions more successfully. But this still happens from time to time (though over the years, less and less often). For all people are not perfect, and they all go through the difficult path of suppressing maladaptive behavior, becoming wiser and conflict-free. And your struggle with the desire for alcohol will not be easy either. But you shouldn't give up. Otherwise, you will perish as a person!
Chapter seven, in which the author will talk about anti-alcohol dogmas.
My dear reader! In this chapter I want to give you extremely important advice. If you follow them steadily, you will receive a fairly serious guarantee that you will never get drunk and become neither an alcoholic nor a drug addict (although these are the same thing).
More flies drowned...
And to begin with, I am addressing the person who has never tried drugs before.
My dear reader! NEVER try them! Even out of curiosity! Even from the self-deceptive attitude that you will only do it once! This test will be the first step on your descent into hell!
If you try a drug once, the likelihood of a second try increases GEOMETRICALLY PROGRESSIVE! Drugs are not nearly as gentle as alcohol. They are much more insidious. Already the first try can weaken and enchant you. THIS IS DEADLY!
Yes, you will get an intense “high” for a short time. But then you will DEFINITELY burn! If such an ending is not scary for you, if you know this and consciously choose this path, then don’t say that you didn’t know about the consequences.
All the joys of life are in creativity. To create means to kill death.
R. Rolland.
Psychological “children” who are not accustomed to take responsibility for their actions usually fall into drug addiction. Such people have an active children’s program in their subconscious: “ Before, if I did something stupid, they always helped me get out. And now they will help too!”
This trick won't work with drugs! Once you fall into their “paws”, you are lost!
Now let's move on to alcohol. Of course, this is also a drug, but much weaker and more mildly acting. Although that doesn’t make it any less insidious!
The first anti-alcohol guard.
Blessing of alcohol - hangover syndrome. If it weren’t for him, people would have died out long ago from widespread alcoholism. And I believe that in no case should it be removed by a hangover. If your body punishes you in the morning for what happened yesterday, then you would have to be a completely unreasonable person to destroy these signals.
And it seems to me that this is an excellent criterion, a line visible to everyone, knowing which you can set a barrier for yourself: you cannot go further!
So, my dear reader! No matter what, no matter how bad you feel in the morning -
Never get a hangover !
This is like death, this is the beginning of your surrender to alcohol! If you succumb to the natural desire to alleviate your morning suffering, then you become a prisoner of a part of your “I” that, without recognizing any boundaries, demands pleasure.
After heavy drinking, naturally, the head hurts and, in general, the person feels very bad. But you know very well that this is the result of your own “efforts”. No one poured that much alcohol into your mouth yesterday. You brought yourself to this state. It's like payback for yesterday's fun.
Marina NikitinaThe word "stereotype" was coined to refer to a printing form, a cliché for printing machines, by printing workers.
Literally from the ancient Greek language, “stereotype” is translated as “solid volumetric imprint.” Later, this word began to be used as a metaphor for habitual, patterned thinking. Stereotypes of people have come to mean a stable opinion about something or someone that has developed in society.
How stereotypes appear
The existing stereotypes are stable, habitual, formed under the influence of society and personal experience a person's views on life.
There are a lot of social stereotypes; in all spheres of life there are such established clichés of thinking. For example: money spoils a person, a woman cannot be both beautiful and smart at the same time.
Stereotypes are templates, samples, models and patterns of behavior caused by simplified thought processes. A person does not think, but uses an inference about a particular phenomenon that he already has in his mind. This happens automatically, unconsciously, without the ability to understand what is happening in detail.
If there are a lot of such simplified routes of thoughts, a person’s worldview is limited, narrowed and acts as an obstacle to.
The stereotypes of our distant ancestors came to us in the form of laconic proverbs and sayings, which contain worldly wisdom. Such wisdom in the form of succinct figurative sayings has been helping a person understand life for centuries. Stereotypes of people appear and are reinforced in modern society to make life easier, to help navigate it, to find Right way, avoid making mistakes.
Without thinking stereotypes, personal knowledge of the world would be difficult. Each time a person would have to use his mind to understand the nature of phenomena; his whole life would consist of knowledge alone.
At the same time, stereotypes help to understand the diversity of life manifestations and contribute to successful adaptation person in society.
The positive role of a stereotype as an adaptive phenomenon may shift towards a negative or limiting perception of life.
Where is the line between a perception pattern that helps you live and a stereotype that infringes on your thinking? To answer this question, you need to understand the variety of stereotypes in society.
Classification of thinking stereotypes
The formation of stereotypes occurs from the moment a person is born. For babies, clothing colors are chosen that “recommend” their gender; boys are dressed in blue, girls in pink.
Many existing stereotypes of thinking can be classified according to the thought process that causes them:
Generalization. In its normal manifestation, this is a useful logical operation; in its excessive manifestation, it is a “stigma” that is imposed on phenomena that are different in nature. Generalization involves drawing conclusions from several similar situations; overgeneralization draws conclusions from a single incident. Such a generalization makes thinking rigid, inflexible, and limited.
Too frequent formation of stereotypes caused by generalization of personal qualities and character traits can lead to self-doubt and the ensuing consequences.
Example. If a person fails to win a talent competition once, he develops an opinion of himself as mediocrity.
Categorization. Categorization by types and types is intended to structure a certain set and divide it into groups. Excessive categorization leads to ignoring individuality, characteristics, and uniqueness.
Categorization puts a “label” on a person and gives a general negative assessment, without taking into account his experience and personality. There are categories of bad, dishonest, evil, deceitful, greedy people and so on. Categorization deprives the possibility of objective perception when someone else's subjective opinion is taken as the truth.
Example. A mother-in-law is always a person who does not like her son-in-law.
"Black and white" thinking. A diverse, constantly changing world is squeezed into the concepts of “good - bad”, “true - false”, “right - wrong” and other polar categories. If you use only two assessments in life, “good” and “bad,” to characterize phenomena, life becomes a series of black and white stripes and mixes into one continuous grayness.
Life is not bad or good, it is polar thinking that makes it so, the consequences of which are pessimism, maximalism, excessive perfectionism, depression, lack of meaning and values.
Example. When a person has internalized society’s stereotypes that divorce is a negative, condemned act, that it is more difficult for divorced people to find a partner and afford a new relationship, he may remain in a marriage that is burdensome and brings only suffering, instead of looking for new love and becomes happy.
Errors of perception. A person mistakenly focuses on some aspects of a phenomenon and ignores others. Such biased selectivity leads to the fact that a person does not perceive an alternative, the possibility of a different opinion and the existence of other facets of a phenomenon, and does not know how to think critically. Egocentric thinking, egoism, dogmatism, stubbornness, conservatism, and fanaticism develop. Personal or other authoritative opinion is defined as an absolute truth and ideal that cannot be refuted.
Example. Unshakable, blind and reckless devotion to the idea of any social movement.
High expectations. Insidious social stereotypes lie in people’s inflated, unreasonable expectations. This is how utopias and unattainable ideals are born. The value and significance of individual phenomena is extolled and perceived as a desirable goal.
As a result, stress, disappointment, resentment, frustration and a lot of others. Inflated expectations about another person lead to quarrels, conflicts and even breakups.
Example. The girl is waiting for her “prince on a white horse,” who is necessarily handsome, rich and in love with her.
Ways to break stereotypes of thinking
The role of a stereotype can be negative in its impact, limiting thinking so much that it interferes with the normal functioning of the individual. In this case, there is a desire to get rid of the stereotypes of life that interfere with life itself.
It is necessary to monitor the thoughts and emotions that arise here and now, and focus on the personal experience of what is happening.
Ways to get rid of negative influence thinking stereotypes:
Comparison. Comparison involves analyzing a situation, comparing it with others, finding differences and contradictions. There is no need to rush to think in familiar categories when you can think, reflect on what is perceived at the moment and compare it with what is already known.
Setting realistic goals. In order to be less exposed to outside influence, you need to form personal positive stereotypes of life. They can be in the form of real, achievable life goals and values.
Openness of perception. To be able to perceive a phenomenon as a whole, look at it as if for the first time, rediscover new facets of the known and carefully study everything new that the world around us provides.
Critical thinking. You need to be able to ask questions: “Is this really true?”, “Does this thought contradict common sense?”, “Do I agree with what I am used to thinking, hearing, perceiving as truth?” and other similar issues.
Expanding your horizons. You can get rid of stereotypes by developing, learning new things, expanding your horizons, going beyond the usual boundaries of your comfort zone. Interest in learning and acquiring new experiences contributes to the formation of one’s own views and opinions that differ from the generally accepted ones.
These techniques will help you get rid of a specific stereotype that interferes with your life, as well as the habit of thinking in a stereotyped, biased and narrow way.
March 22, 2014A stereotype (Greek stereos + typos - “solid” + “imprint”) is an established attitude towards current events, developed on the basis of comparison with their internal ideals. A system of stereotypes constitutes a worldview. Stereotypes, like established opinions, sometimes carry an emotional charge. Both useful and positive, and not so much.
There are many stereotypes that live in a person’s subconscious. They manifest themselves in his behavior, lifestyle and often interfere with living a full life. From childhood, a child is taught what to do and what not to do. What he should be like, how he should behave. Traditional roles imposed public opinion, are subsequently transformed into a variety of stereotypes.
From the moment of birth, a certain type of behavior is imposed on the child. Boys should play with soldiers and cars, girls with dolls. And no one gives them freedom of choice in terms of toys. The same thing happens in adult life. Only now the number of stereotypes is increasing. The desire to comply with social regulations often runs counter to a person’s true intentions and gives rise to various negative derivatives in him: anxiety, fear, anger, aggression. To cultivate positivity in yourself, you need to break down established opinions and labels. The peculiarity of stereotypes is that they penetrate very firmly into a person’s consciousness and are difficult to get rid of. These are barriers to happiness, barriers that must be overcome.
How are stereotypes formed? They are formed mainly spontaneously, from early childhood. By communicating with people, the child learns the norms and rules of thinking. Just as a person learns to speak in contact with other people, he also learns to think. People are brought up in certain political, moral, aesthetic spheres of society, which shape their views and beliefs. In the same way, they are brought up in the intellectual, thinking sphere of a certain social group or public environment. Under the influence of such an environment, human thinking skills are primarily developed. The initial, initial sphere (spiritual beginning) for a child is the family.
The child takes “photos” of the family ready-made forms and the ways of thinking that his relatives present to him in communication with him. At this stage, there is precisely “photography” of these forms and ways of thinking without their critical awareness. A child, like a sponge, absorbs everything. These forms and methods of reasoning enter his subconscious and settle in him in the form ready-made stereotypes thinking. The forms and ways of thinking that have settled in the subconscious can be both logically correct (meeting the requirements of the laws of thinking) and logically incorrect (developed in violation of these laws). If the logical culture of thinking of relatives is high, then the forms and ways of thinking of the child are as logically correct as possible. If the culture is low, then in many ways the child learns logically incorrect ways. And, accordingly, the stereotypes of thinking are the same. Let's take a look at the main individual and social stereotypes
Stereotype #1
"Children must live up to their parents' expectations"
Starting from the first months of life, the child becomes aware of himself through his relationship with his parents. This spiritual connection continues throughout life. The parent acts as a bearer of established stereotypes for the child, social norms and rules. In addition, he projects the future little man, which is open to all kinds of influences. The process of parental influence occurs continuously and forms the baby’s own picture of the world. It is from mom and dad, grandparents, that children receive information about their appearance, abilities and talents. Through the prism of these assessments, the child learns about what behavior is desirable and what is not.
Scenario A - expectations are too high
Parents know well what they want from their child and strive with all their might to achieve it. They constantly set tasks for him that the baby simply must cope with. If he fails to cope, he will inevitably face the discontent of his parents. This situation keeps the child in constant tense anticipation: whether he managed to please his parents or not. In later life, he will always strive to be the first, to achieve high results at any cost, and any failure will lead, at a minimum, to frustration (failure).
Scenario B - expectations are too low
As a child, such a child constantly hears from his parents: “you can’t”, “you won’t be able to”, “you won’t succeed like ...” As a result, he stops striving for his goals and does not try to achieve even very achievable results . The habit of shifting responsibility to other people will become so ingrained that a person will always follow this principle.
How to break the stereotype?
Parents should perceive their children not as bearers of some talents, but accept them for who they are. Soberly assess their strengths and capabilities, do not put pressure, but be ready to always come to the rescue and give advice.
Every person is influenced to one degree or another by family stereotypes. If the behavior program imposed by the parents is not suitable for addressing various life situations, you need to try to change your initial settings. Do not adapt to the opinions of others, but find your own, complete picture of the world.
And finally, here are the words of the creator of Gestalt therapy, Frederick Perls:
"I do my thing. And you do yours. I do not live in this world to meet your expectations. And you do not live in this world to meet mine. You are you, and I am me. And if we If we happen to find each other, that’s great. If not, then it can’t be helped.”
It’s the same with a child: he doesn’t owe anyone anything and is not obliged to live up to his mother’s and father’s expectations. Parents need to focus their energy on developing the abilities inherent in nature, and not molding the child into what they would like to see. Children are the most important thing in life. These are small individuals, they are valuable in themselves, regardless of parental attitudes...
Stereotype No. 2
"The school should educate the child"
Most parents today have a certain stereotype in their perception of school. Giving the child to educational institution, many mothers and fathers abdicate responsibility for raising him. And a private school often further reinforces this stereotype: I cry, which means everyone owes me.
So what contribution does school make to the development of a child?
Its task is to provide assistance in the upbringing and formation of the child’s personality, and not to assume all educational and educational functions!
The school system as a whole exists based on standards and stereotypes. Democratic and alternative models are much less common. The child fits into the established framework of school life and tries to “find himself” throughout the ten years of schooling.
How to break the stereotype?
Reconsider your parenting position and accept responsibility for born child. When making any decision (enrolling in a kindergarten, finding a nanny, and then choosing a school), parents are obliged to predict and adjust their plans with reality.
And the most important purpose in life is to learn to raise their children throughout their lives! After all, children and their upbringing require daily dedication, warmth, care and love. What you give is what you get in return, so try to give them as much as possible!
Stereotype No. 3
"A woman should get married"
This traditional attitude is imposed by society from childhood. It is generally accepted that a man is the breadwinner, and a woman is the keeper of the hearth. These gender stereotypes act as social norms.
Gender stereotypes are ideas about the differences between men and women that are stable for a given society in a given historical period, standardized ideas about behavior patterns and character traits that correspond to the concepts of “male” and “female.”
However, over time, roles dating back to the distant past have been redistributed. A modern woman is able to combine several functions, and not just be responsible for the household. Or even completely abandon the family component, which is extremely difficult to do without causing public censure. But a woman who is a priori oriented only towards the family may be ill-prepared for others social roles, which are likely to be in her life.
In our country, a woman who does not start a family is perceived by many as a failure. As a result, fearing public condemnation, girls get married simply because “it’s necessary” and try to save the family by any means, even to the detriment of their own interests and life values.
There is a breakdown of the picture of the world that a woman created for herself under the influence of various opinions both from the family and from the outside. The cliche “a woman should have a family” makes her unhappy and dissatisfied, and all because she did not come to what is important to her on her own, but succumbed to the conditions dictated by society. But every person is individual. What is good for one is not suitable for another. In addition, the infrastructure of the family itself undergoes significant changes in the process of development of human civilization, to which one must also be able to adapt.
How to break the stereotype?
The woman became much stronger and in her capabilities was almost equal to the man, and in some places even surpassed him. Hence the redistribution of roles, the discarding of those functions imposed by established public opinion that a woman does not want to take on. What matters to her is what her heart and soul strive for, and this desire is not always family. If she is interested in a family, she will definitely create one. And if not?! Why does a single person immediately become labeled as “lonely”, “loser”, etc.? And if he is a brilliant specialist, a talented leader, knows how to repair cars well, an excellent person.
It is important to accept the life of another as it is, not to judge, not to impose your point of view, not to cultivate stupid public opinion in yourself. Let each person decide whether to let someone into his life or not, let him build his own, only correct option life. ...The higher the need for public approval, the greater the dependence on it. And no one knows where this “blind” dependence will lead...
Of course, “it is impossible to live in society and be free from it,” but only we decide whether to accept manipulations from the outside, follow them or not? Limit yourself in something, allow other people to take the reins of your life or not? There is always a choice. And he is behind you.
So: stereotypes can be ethnic, role, gender, age, status, etc. According to their content, they are divided into two categories: stereotypes that characterize people as members of certain national and political groups, and stereotypes that characterize personal characteristics people by their behavior, physical qualities, appearance, etc. Today we will continue the list of the most common stereotypes, as well as “methods of combating” them.
"Hard Imprint"
The term “social stereotype” (from the Greek stereos - solid + typos - imprint) was first introduced by the American journalist Walter Lippman. In Lippmann’s concept, two types of knowledge can be distinguished on which a person relies when understanding any phenomena social life. First of all, this is the information that he acquires during own life. But this information does not provide a complete picture of the world, “since the surrounding reality is too large, too complex and changeable,” and the possibilities of personal experience are limited. A person fills the resulting gaps in knowledge with information drawn from various sources of human culture. But this type of knowledge is not perfect - it often gives a distorted idea of the world. Despite this, such ideas have great stability and are used by people as “codes” (evaluation criteria) of phenomena, facts and events of the surrounding reality. Walter Lippmann called such rigid knowledge codes, assimilated in ready-made form, stereotypes.
But today, contrary to theory, we invite you to destroy the most famous of them!
Stereotype No. 4
"Appearance is more important than internal content"
One of the most common stereotypes is the perception of another person according to certain characteristics: a bespectacled person is smart, a blonde is stupid, a red-haired person is shameless, a thin-lipped or thin person is evil, a plump person is good-natured, etc. These generally accepted opinions about people's appearance "work", as a rule, at the first meeting.
An example of an appearance stereotype that operates mainly on an unconscious level is the stereotype “beautiful means good, positive.” Attractive people are attributed positive personal qualities, and less attractive - negative.
How to break the stereotype?
Learn to recognize another person and accept his position in life. This means looking for that very “zest”: talking with him, understanding and accepting what you disagree with. Natural appearance is not everything. Much more important is the inner content, mysterious charm, and the presence of a sense of humor.
Sincerity, openness, purity, honesty are much more valuable than curls or plump lips...
World history knows facts when people who do not have beauty or outstanding external data have earned worldwide recognition.
Stereotype No. 5
"Beauty requires sacrifice..."
This stereotype was established at the end of the last century. At the beginning of the new century, the criteria for beauty changed significantly. And yet, hundreds of thousands of women and men do not stop swallowing packs of suspicious diet pills and torturing themselves with dubious diets, trying newfangled plastic surgery practices, paying a stupid and peculiar tribute to society and the notorious cliché 90-60-90.
How to break the stereotype?
“Glossy beauties and beauties” is just the fashion industry, a business set on a broad track, where universal recognition and imitation are replaced by a surrogate for beauty. Beauty culture does not require sacrifice. Beauty culture is not at all the now fashionable fasting, expensive cosmetic products or plastic surgery, requiring sacrifices in the literal and figurative sense. The culture of beauty is the worldview of a self-sufficient and satisfied person who finds joy in his own existence!
Stereotype No. 6
"A man is strength, a woman is weakness"
From time immemorial there has been an opinion that a man is strength and heroism, a woman is weakness and humility. Perhaps in past centuries it was appropriate to think and talk about this, but not now...
How to break the stereotype?
Alas, roles in society have long been redistributed. Today, in order to succeed in the current competitive environment, a woman must constantly demonstrate the qualities characteristic of men. And if in a man such qualities as toughness, integrity, assertiveness, and ambition are “healthy,” then in the case of a woman they are rated with a “minus” sign. And yet, if these qualities prevail in a woman, she receives best case scenario stamp "bitch", at worst - " blue stocking"Hence there is an opinion that, while maintaining the position of the "Iron Lady", Strong woman simply has no room for error. Otherwise, she risks being overthrown. “Sometimes it’s worth admitting your own weakness and thereby disarming your partner,” Marina Sergeevna, an experienced manager and simply a charming woman, revealed a special secret to us. “Sometimes it’s worth behaving in such a way that it would be inconvenient for your partner to refuse a given undertaking.” And one more thing... a man and a woman are made for each other. And a woman has a special role - the role of a guardian, who allows her to decorate the world around her.
Stereotype No. 7
"The man does not have a car"
“I know one man, quite interesting, prominent, successful, but does not have a car,” thirty-five-year-old Marina Petrovna admitted to us. “In my opinion, this is strange. There is even an opinion among people that if a man does not have a car, then he is at best insolvent, at worst a failure."
How to break the stereotype?
“...And I once asked a friend of mine why he didn’t have his own car,” continued Marina Petrovna. “Imagine, he’s feeling self-esteem answered me: “Having a car is a burdensome task for me. Its maintenance, care, and the driving itself, especially in today’s traffic jams, takes away too much of my precious time and energy, which I happily spend on family and leisure.” In principle, there is nothing scary or strange in the fact that I go to work by bus, and to the dacha or fishing by train."
Stereotype No. 8
"A woman should..."
A persistent and most “deadly” stereotype for many women is that a woman must get married before the age of 25-28, otherwise she will remain an “old maid”. And further: A woman is always a professional worse than a man. A woman must give birth to a child, because giving birth is her main function. Woman + car + technology are incompatible. A woman's place is in the kitchen.
How to break the stereotype?
Let's start with the fact that nobody cares modern woman should not! Today, a woman has become more than just independent. She successfully makes a career, is involved in politics and business. And despite all this, she often remains a desirable wife or girlfriend; loving and beloved mother or grandmother. Unfortunately (or fortunately), the time of muslin young ladies is a thing of the past.
Another common stereotype: that women stupider than men. By the way, it is a known fact that the highest IQ in the world was demonstrated by a representative of the fair sex, and it was 228...
Stereotype No. 9
"Men do not cry"
“Sadness not expressed in tears makes the insides cry,” said one of the greats. Should a man cry, does he have the right to do so? Humanity has long decided that this is the lot of women. Don’t we tell our little sons: “Why are you crying like a girl? Don’t cry, you’re a man!”
How to break the stereotype?
Just cry. Nature has endowed man with a unique opportunity, through tears and crying, to “displace” “unnecessary rubbish” from the soul, that is, pain, resentment, grief. Thus, cleansing the body of harmful psychological influences that otherwise purposefully act on somatics. Hence: gastritis, ulcers, heart attacks and many other diseases. In addition, instead of just crying on his “native shoulder,” the man begins to seek solace in alcohol. That's why wise women by “allowing” a man to cry, they recognize real masculinity in them!
Stereotype No. 10
Single mothers are unhappy
This myth has long been debunked, but, unfortunately, still has its harmful effects. Not only the world is changing, but also principles family life. If a man is a tyrant, a drunkard and a rowdy, where do you think a woman and her child will be more comfortable? Of course, outside of such a marriage. It is in such a marriage that a woman feels more unhappy and happier after a divorce.
How to break the stereotype?
In this stereotype, society expresses its position - a child should live in a full-fledged family! It's hard to argue with that. Any mistake by adults leads to suffering for children. But, if a woman decides to raise herself, a double responsibility falls on her shoulders - to be both a father and a mother to the child. It is easy to be weak, unhappy, dependent, it is difficult to become strong and independent. “It’s better to be alone than to live with just anyone,” these women say today...
“In order not to fight windmills, you just need to live. Don’t look back at others and don’t cause harm to people. Only then can you break something and then build...”, finished the thought of Irina, a mother who is raising five-year-old Anton on her own.
Stereotype No. 11
"It is believed that a woman should not be the first to tell a man about her feelings..."
This is one of the stable stereotypes of society that lives in our subconscious. There are not many women in the world who can be the first to express their feelings to a man. The reason is that “that’s not how it’s done.” I would like to ask, by whom and when?
How to break the stereotype?
It seems to me that a woman should not be particularly persistent,” Roman told us. - At least she shouldn't talk about her feelings directly. And to show them towards a man, she has tenderness and, in the end, cunning! And you should achieve your goal exclusively with the help of these qualities."
Stereotype No. 12
"The Internet is not a place for dating"
It is believed that it is impossible to make decent acquaintances on the Internet. Many are sure that this is even dangerous. The persistent stereotype that “normal” people don’t meet people on the Internet is harsh and monotonous. But at the same time, everyone knows that dating via the Internet opens up new prospects and opportunities.
How to break the stereotype?
“Last year, I married a wonderful man whom I met through a dating site,” our reader Elena told us. “To be honest, I was very wary and skeptical about this type of communication. My friends all said as one: “Lena, this is a utopia!" But, fortunately, “utopia” turned out to be... my soulmate, which I am incredibly happy about. And by the fall, my husband and I will have a baby!"
From the editors I would like to add: we receive many letters from different stories life, including happy couples who met on the Internet.
Stereotype No. 13
"Old age is frailty"
It is generally accepted that the “third age” can only count on sympathy and compassion. But we completely forget that if the “autumn of life” brings with it satisfaction and a sense of unity, then old age becomes a happy time.
How to break the stereotype?
The point is not what a person looks like, but how old he feels.
If, for example, your goal is to make room for you in public transport, then perhaps there is no need to break this stereotype. It’s so convenient to believe in the weakness and infirmity of the elderly. Both to themselves and to those around them. But it’s quite difficult to believe in facts. “I’m 84 years old. Of course, I consider myself a very elderly person,” says reader Polina Fedorovna, “but that’s only according to my passport. But in general, I just live. I love to live. I love my children and grandchildren. Now I live in the country I have beds there, a greenhouse, flowers. And I take care of everything. I live with my grandfather. He’s 92. It’s also hard, of course... But as long as I’m moving, I’m living! ".
We may not have touched on all existing stereotypes. But by voicing some of them, we tried to destroy the cliches that supposedly must be observed. Guided by established templates and clichés, we try to avoid mistakes. And if we break something, then thanks to the notorious laws we persistently justify ourselves.
But! - Recently unequal marriages(both age and social), as well as guests or civilians were considered strict “taboo”. Or separate wallets... Or the fact that a husband should earn more than his wife... Today, these social phenomena have become loyal. There are more and more “violators” of stereotypes among us. And although they evoke mixed feelings among the majority, they, like scouts, pave new roads in the minds, thereby proving that everything is possible in this world...
"Empty Chair"
Each stereotype requires careful elaboration. There is a wonderful technique called “empty chair”, which has a double effect. By speaking unspoken words to an “empty chair”, you are thereby freed from tension. Effect one: external discharge occurs. The muscles relax, becoming elastic, wrinkles are smoothed out, and the body becomes flexible. Effect two: internal discharge occurs. Internally, you cease to be afraid of breaking the rules that society stubbornly imposes on you, thereby gaining freedom. You start doing what you consider important and necessary. As a result, there will be people around you who will share and respect your values and views, despite public opinion.
Each of us has our own “cage of conventions” with many rules and strange rituals. This is probably life in its diversity... But if you suddenly feel that all this is preventing you from being happy, feel free to break it, destroy it, fight for your freedom! One day, having destroyed stereotypes, we will find ourselves in a very strange world, where there is a place for talent, interesting meetings, extraordinary actions, which, due to stereotypical thinking, are not supported by society.
Probably, first of all, you should learn to listen to yourself and your heart, and not other people, and... just become happy.
Don't rack your brains, break stereotypes. And be happy!
The topic of stereotypes (patterns) of perception, thinking and behavior is so vast that it can be studied throughout a lifetime. But what if stereotypes are preventing you from living the life you want right now? Having studied a lot of materials, I came to the conclusion that thinking stereotypes have the greatest deterrent and harmful power, since perception and behavior arise from thought processes. What is a stereotype? This is a habitual, established pattern of behavior or thinking in any situation. A person takes this model from past experience of similar situations and applies it unconsciously, mechanically. From this definition it is clear to the naked eye that stereotypical thinking deprives a person not only of new sensations and opportunities, but also of development prospects. Who wants to get stuck in a repetitive cycle of reactions and thought patterns? I think not to the one who strives for! Therefore, let's figure out how to destroy thinking stereotypes.
Classification of thinking stereotypes
In order to defeat the enemy, you need to know him by sight. You can destroy a stereotype when you have precisely defined it. I suggest short description the five most common thinking patterns.
Polar thinking makes a person see life in black and white, labeling each incident as either “good” or “bad.” While we live in a world where there are hundreds of thousands of half-tone events, people with polar thinking are forced to choose from an extremely limited set of assessments. As you know, nothing good or bad happens in the world at all; everything becomes so only because of our assessments.
Pessimism and maximalism stem from polar thinking. This stereotype is extremely harmful, as it leads to biased perception, inadequate reactions to what is happening, erroneous decisions and underestimated performance.
Overgeneralization destructive for humans. This stereotype of thinking manifests itself in labeling oneself, others and situations, and labels are chosen based on a single situation (for example, an unsuccessful acquaintance with a girl) and become part of the person’s worldview (“I don’t know how to meet girls”). With this kind of thinking, a person closes most doors for himself, i.e. opportunities, loses, falls into. A person suffering from this stereotype creates an unchangeable image of himself and can live with it all his life - this is called inflexible thinking. While in a healthy situation a person is a process, constantly changing and renewing.
At selective perception a person concentrates only on certain aspects of a situation, considering them significant, and discards all others as unimportant. Such one-sided perception leads to the formation of rigid stereotypes and the inability to perceive any opinions different from one’s own. As a result, a person develops dogmatic thinking, when his own views and beliefs are elevated to absolutes and are not subject to criticism and transformation. The extreme degree of dogmatism is fanaticism, which represents unwavering devotion to an idea or activity, complete concentration on it and the absence of any others.
Signs of selective thinking are: a conviction bordering on fanaticism that only one’s own views are correct, the inability to critically analyze them, the immutability of these views, lack of interest in everything that does not correspond to them, evaluating information based only on the authority of the source, stubbornness and stubbornness in defending one’s beliefs .
Categorization- the scourge of so many people, a stereotype that must be destroyed by any means. The habit of classifying all people, events and phenomena into categories gives rise to generalization and ignoring the individual qualities of the object. Moreover, each category is endowed with a certain unchangeable assessment (“all hard workers are honest people”, “all rich people are thieves and liars”). Based on categories, a person loses objectivity, and with it, opportunities for those who are unfairly classified as dishonest or lacking in intelligence (after all, all blondes are “stupid”).
Another destructive stereotype of thinking - unreasonable expectations. From any event, person, from the future in general, a person with this stereotype always expects something: either bad or good. Losing objectivity, such a person attaches excessive importance to any event (or rather, the result of this event), which leads to the emergence of hope and, most often, disappointment, frustration, and resentment. Expectations with loved ones are especially disturbing: a person builds a system of expectations from a partner in advance, and if he does not fulfill them (and usually they are impossible to fulfill, because they are based not on the real capabilities of the partner, but on his idealized image), he experiences negative ones. This leads to quarrels, misunderstandings, attempts to change the partner and often to a break in the relationship.
Expectations can be of two types - the first are based on some kind of knowledge (), for example, “30-year-old men are ready to start a family,” and the second are groundless, based on fantasies and belief in ephemeral luck.
How to break stereotypes of thinking
A universal tool for combating stereotypes is the technique that I talked about earlier. As for special cases, here are some tips on how to get rid of the stereotypes described above:
- If polar thinking and pessimism- this is your problem; the comparison method will help reduce or eliminate the harmful influence of this stereotype. Don’t be surprised at how simple it is, because, in fact, stereotypical thinking itself is primitive. The method consists of comparing an existing unfavorable situation with another, more negative one that could happen to you. This does not eliminate the problem completely, but it greatly reduces the negative effect of polarized thinking.
- Sometimes polar thinking leads to overestimation of demands on oneself, maximalism. Then a person sets goals that are too ambitious and difficult to achieve and harshly criticizes himself in case of failure. Or does not begin to achieve them, turning into a dreamer. In this case, the advice is to set more realistic goals, work on self-esteem and start taking action - having completed the tasks, you can break the stereotype.
- To combat stereotypes of unreasonable expectations and categorization, children's perception will help. Children are so open that they perceive everything as it is and accept people regardless of their financial situation, and experience of successes and failures. Try on the model children's thinking– be open to everything and draw conclusions about a person only after you communicate with him, and not based on your ideas about what he is like.
- If you are constantly being disappointed in your expectations, it will take gradual work to break this pattern. Whenever you catch yourself expecting, ask yourself the questions: “What are my expectations based on in this situation - on real premises or on my desire to get something?”, “Am I creating circumstances that make it difficult for me to fulfill my expectations? “,” “Do people understand what I expect from them and why I feel irritated if expectations are not met?”
