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A real man never owes anyone anything... And only naive women believe otherwise...
The whole truth about male stereotypes told practical psychologist, sexologist Ilya Shabshin.
About sex: always wants, should and can
A man always wants and is ready for sex - this is perhaps the most important stereotype. In reality, this is far from the case. Firstly, each of us has a different sexual constitution, which represents the basis of activity in the sexual sphere laid down from birth. For some it is powerful, for others it is not.
Men with a strong sexual constitution begin to be interested in the opposite sex earlier, their first sex happens quite early, they need it more often, they usually have more partners throughout their lives, and sexual activity continues until old age. For men with a weak sexual constitution, everything is different - they show much less interest in sex, so their debut happens later, they have fewer opportunities, as well as needs in this area. To put it simply: some people need it four times a night, while for others, once every three days is enough.
Secondly, the sexual sphere is a rather delicate matter, and a one-time misfire can happen to any man. There are a million reasons for this: fatigue, stress, just not in the mood, nervous about something, and so on.
Thirdly, health problems can also affect a man’s sexual performance. In addition, there are drugs that have no direct relation to the intimate sphere, but lead to a decrease in potency.
A man should know all this, accept it, and in case of a misfire, not make any negative conclusions. At such moments, understanding and tact are also needed from the partner. Especially in situations where she took the initiative, and he could not pick it up. IN otherwise this can lead to quarrels, irritation and psychological problems.
About success: not lower than a top manager!
Many unmarried woman over the age of 35 they worry if they are not married and have no children. A man of the same age, first of all, suffers if he fails to achieve success in the business in which he is engaged. And society here gives out a lot of parameters that you must meet in order to be considered successful.
You work for yourself or “for an uncle”, you are an employee of a large (perhaps even international) company, or your work is gathering dust at the company “Horns and Hooves”. Are you a manager who has subordinates, do you make responsible decisions or do you just shift documents?
And how many markers of success relate to money: car brand, branded clothing, vacation spots.
All this is important also because even close people often evaluate men according to these same parameters. What have you accomplished? What have you achieved?
However, these are all stereotypes. We must understand that the stereotype does not care about the uniqueness of each individual man. A stereotype is a generalized vision that does not take into account what a man really is, what his resources, capabilities, and personal projects are.
I know cases where men stopped moving up the career ladder, realizing that this was not how they lived their lives. In the end they started new life. And they did the right thing, because it made them happier.
About emotions: men don't cry!
From childhood, boys are raised differently from girls. If a girl can be offended and cry when her doll is taken away or she breaks her knee, then a boy in a similar situation will be told: “You are a man and you must endure, men do not cry.”
This gives rise to an incorrect attitude towards emotions, that is, that they must be suppressed within oneself. This position is then actively supported at school. “Why are you crying like a girl,” they will say to any teenager who has shed a tear, shaming his sincere feelings.
It turns out that women have socially approved channels through which they can express their feelings. Men are prohibited from doing this.
This is how emotions sit inside men (after all, they cannot help but experience them). Ultimately, all this affects health. In the worst case, a man will have a heart attack or stroke, at best – an explosion of anger.
About the attitude towards women: you're a cracker!
There's a paradox with men's emotions. On the one hand, society does not encourage men to show their feelings, but at the same time, women accuse men of insensitivity. After all, if she broke a nail, and he did not show sympathy, then he will certainly be called a “cracker.” This is the most severe contradiction.
But not only are men accustomed to suppressing their feelings, but also their approach to various situations is more active: they should not worry, but solve the problem.
About life: you are a man - you should!
Often women (most often young) say: “You are a man - you must...”, and the following is a list. At the same time, a man “should” literally from the doorstep! Thus, many women are sure that a man has no right to come to the first meeting without flowers. It doesn’t matter that they haven’t communicated yet, it doesn’t matter that there’s no talk of any sympathy yet. “Must” and that’s it. Where is the logic here?
All men are different, and therefore you should not apply the same patterns to them, putting such hackneyed stereotypes at the forefront. Let's pay attention to their individuality and characteristics.
Many women are deeply convinced that men are an open book to them. Having once created some ideas about male psychology, women persist in them and wishful thinking, trying to fit the real state of affairs to their stereotypes.
For example, for some reason there is an opinion that men strive for personal freedom for life, although in fact any normal man comes to a moment when he really wants to start a family, find his other half, “plant a tree, build a house and give birth to a child.”
But almost constant in all men is the desire for freedom from women’s claims, quiet or loud hysterics and instructions on how he should live. By accepting this state of affairs and providing a man with the right to personal space, a woman acts wisely and, thereby, contributes to a calm and happy atmosphere in the family.
Perhaps the strongest female misconception is the opinion that for men sex is necessary as a purely physiological act, and spiritual intimacy is important only for women. A man wants to be loved, understood, and appreciated just as much as a woman.
It is also very important for men to feel accepted. So there is something to think about here. And in sex in general everything is very individual. There are many cases where men truly fell in love with a woman after physical intimacy. There are also those who cannot sleep with those they really love, because they are afraid of ruining everything, and they do not love those with whom they sleep. All that remains is to understand which of the men you are dealing with.
It is generally accepted that women are more emotional. This is true when it comes to expressing emotions. But who decided that men are insensitive and unemotional? It’s just that men are more restrained in expressing feelings and most often hide them inside themselves.
Once they heard the maxim that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, women adopted it so much that they do not doubt the correctness of such a statement. What is it really like? Men are not so primitive honestly! Of course, he should be well-fed, but all the surveys conducted on the topic of what men like most in women show that the ability to cook is one of the last places. So it’s worth drawing the appropriate conclusions.
When trying to attract a man, women are sometimes guided in their behavior by the stereotype that men love virgins and untouchable women. Men themselves formulate this somewhat differently - they value inaccessibility. The more inaccessible a woman is, the stronger the man’s hunting instinct, and, therefore, his interest in her.
But even here moderation is needed, because a man cannot hunt indefinitely - he will simply get tired. Interestingly, with all their hunting instinct, men nevertheless like it when a woman takes the first step towards a relationship - this greatly flatters their vanity.
There are probably many more such stereotypes in women’s perception of men. Life confirms some of them, and destroys others to the ground, such as the opinion that a man can be “tied” to a child. Having made a similar mistake, many women have already lost their happiness. In fact, only the woman herself can “attach” a man to a woman, if we use this term. So, if you want peace in the family and loving man nearby - there is no need to use unverified “truths”. It is better to look for a remedy within yourself.
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A person is a unit of society, therefore he is obliged to obey its laws and orders. Life in society has many advantages, but it limits the individual to rigid boundaries and imposes norms called stereotypes. Stereotypes indicate requirements for a person’s standard of living, indicating functions and place in public relations. They influence the way people think and their self-determination.
Some stereotypes are firmly entrenched in the mind and sound like your own thoughts. A person is afraid to subject himself to negative criticism from the masses, tries not to stand out and stay within the “norm”. So he tries on a generally accepted position, which he does not understand or condemns. A doubt arises whether it is worth giving in to existing stereotypes, forgetting about uniqueness, or trying to rebel, defending a position.
Boys - blue, girls - pink
One of the popular groups of stereotypes is gender. They imply stable images-symbols and patterns of behavior imposed on representatives of different sexes. The emergence and preservation of stereotypes is due to the centuries-old evolution of gender relations, where gender was placed above the personality traits of men and women.
We are accustomed to giving men and women the same character traits and social roles, forgetting about individuality. Social prejudices determine the degree to which women and men conform to a generally accepted standard. This often becomes the cause of misunderstanding between a man and a woman.
Let's look at the 7 most famous (and often erroneous) gender stereotypes that follow us everywhere.
Girls for shopping, boys for football
A gender stereotype is the thesis that women and men have psychological characteristics. These features influence the range of interests and taste habits. Femininity(designation of psychological qualities attributed to women) implies typical female character traits:
- friendliness;
- softness and sentimentality;
- preference for pink color;
- addiction to household chores (cleaning and cooking);
- interest in melodramatic TV series;
- love of shopping;
- the ability to chat on the phone for several hours.
A masculinity(designation of psychological qualities attributed to men) attributes the following characteristics to men:
- determination
- determination
- responsibility
- ability to stand up for yourself (start a fight)
- love for football
- interest in cars.
It is paradoxical that most of the above serves as an example of a false understanding of femininity and masculinity. The named qualities and traits reflect only figurative associations associated with a specific gender. The reliability of prejudices is questionable: you probably know men who adore TV series, or women who hate shopping.
Think logically or keep quiet
Don't divide, conquer
In ancient times, a real man was considered a leader with strength and the ability to influence others, subjugating the weak. IN modern world authority is considered an ineffective method in the struggle for rights. But men are still taught the need to be dictators and overlords, even if this is not typical for them. On the other side of prejudice are women, from whom they demand unconditional submission to a representative of the stronger sex. This is the reality for many women (in particular for followers of the Islamic religion).
Social status
In Russia, there is an idea that a woman is a caring and flexible keeper of the hearth, loving wife and mother. A man is the head of the family, the breadwinner and the protector. The ideas led to the emergence of symbolic images reflecting the division of social roles. A woman is associated with the kitchen, children, home; a man with money, a car, a family. Because of standardization, conditions are heard: “if you have a small salary, you don’t a real man", "until you have children, you cannot be considered a woman."
Patriarchal views have become part of the traditional vision of the ideal family. Couples seeking to change social roles, face condemnation and misunderstanding from the environment. But there are already many families that break the stereotype. Thus, women appeared who ran businesses and provided for their families, and men who took on raising children and running the household. The state of affairs should not be regarded as a degradation of relationships in the family. The spouses should, after consulting, choose those duties to which they are inclined.
The problem of primacy
A well-established argument that men and women like to follow is the “order” of performing actions in the development of relationships. Stereotypes from the category “A man should offer to meet,” “A woman should not call first!” Think about whether you need to adhere to specific “laws” of adherence that dictate who should do what first. The effectiveness of the approach has not been proven. Is it really important who writes an SMS today or hugs you when you meet? Forget about competition and act as your heart tells you!
Women want love and men want sex
The opinion follows that women dream of marriage because they need love, and men want to drag a woman into marriage because they do not know how to truly love. It is generally accepted that a man’s love is physiological, so he needs a constant change of partners, and a woman’s love is romantic, because she remains faithful to the man. This argument justifies polygamy for men and monogamy for women. Although in reality this is not the case.
Attractive appearance is a woman's prerogative
The appearance is adjusted to the parameters. But the demands placed on men and women are disproportionate. True lady must have expressive facial features and slim figure, be able to professionally do makeup and hair removal, wear stylish clothes. For many years, the only requirement for a gentleman was to be “a little nicer than a monkey.” Although now male attractiveness has begun to be measured by the size of the biceps, the presence of stubble or a beard, tattoos and other attributes of a real male. This distorts the understanding of male and female beauty.
Understand one thing: look the way you want. If you feel comfortable in your own body, then this pursuit of ideal appearance parameters is useless.
Adoption or protest
Stereotypes will never disappear from life, so you need to decide whether you approve of them or not. You can reconcile yourself and accept the mass value system if they do not contradict your views. Or you can refuse and build your own system of reference points. The second way is more difficult, but more productive: you don’t have to accept views that you don’t agree with and pretend to be someone you’re not. Here you will encounter misunderstanding and hostility from people who think in stereotypes. Be calm and loyal: stick to your opinion and be tolerant of others.
But the main thing is to be unique and remain yourself!
Stereotype: women are better at multitasking
In fact: not true
Let's start with women's multitasking - the ability to do several things at once. Quite often we are told that women can put on lipstick while driving, simultaneously look after a child and prepare food, talk on the phone and simultaneously look for something in their purse - and all this is due to the special structure of the brain. In popular literature, women's multitasking is explained large size corpus callosum, a collection of nerve fibers that connects the two hemispheres. It is assumed that better connections between the hemispheres make it easier to do several things at once, albeit at the expense of the quality of performance of each specific task.
If we turn to scientific articles, little remains of these statements. Firstly, in a number of multitasking tests, women showed the same or worse results than men: when required to simultaneously operate a machine, solve arithmetic problems and name previously heard words from memory, both sexes coped equally (the machine, of course, for the purpose of security was virtual).
Secondly, more accurate and precise measurements of the volume of the corpus callosum did not reveal a significant difference. Scientists used magnetic resonance imaging, examined the brain during autopsies and came to the conclusion that, although the male brain is larger than the female, the relative sizes of the corpus callosum in them are the same.
IN real life An example of the fact that men can cope well with many things at the same time are pilots and air traffic controllers: with rare exceptions, these are male professions (although the reasons for this imbalance are most likely historical). Both the pilot and the air traffic controller must simultaneously monitor instruments, negotiate and keep in mind the position of many aircraft.
Stereotype: men have better developed spatial thinking
In fact: true, but there is a nuance
This statement is included in most textbooks: women perform worse on tasks
“mentally turn the figure over.” And, judging by the data scientific research, this statement is true. Although with two caveats.
First, in 1971, anthropologists studied spatial abilities among the Inuit, the indigenous people of Greenland and northern Canada. It turned out that among this people, men and women cope with tests equally, perhaps because they are equally involved in hunting, which perfectly develops spatial thinking.
Second: it has been proven that the results of such tests are determined, among other things, by the context in which they were conducted. If participants are given a story with stereotypically masculine or stereotypically feminine characters to read before a test, the difference is
results for men and women.
Another example is tests that were given to students under the guise of “one of the tasks for the selection of military engineers” or “a test used to select fashion designers.” Despite the completely identical tasks, in the first case the boys noticeably outperformed the girls.
Stereotype: Women do worse in science due to their special brain structure.
In fact: not true
This statement is usually supported by the absence in human history large quantity women engineers, mathematicians or physicists. However, such an argument is hardly correct: until the 20th century, in most countries, women simply did not have access to higher education. Emmy Noether, the greatest female mathematician and author of the Noether theorem, was unable to obtain the position of privatdozent at the University of Göttingen in 1916, and before that, from 1900 to 1904, she was forced to attend lectures as a volunteer - the university did not accept female students .
The gender gap between men and women in science and engineering has since narrowed significantly, but has not disappeared. On March 8, 2014, one of the most cited scientific journals, Nature, published a special issue dedicated to gender discrimination. Its authors referred to experiments in which laboratories received signed male or female names fake resumes and rejected women much more often than men.
A comparison of the abilities of schoolchildren suggests that discrimination, rather than their brains, is to blame for the lack of female scientists. Regular testing of students different countries showed that the difference between boys and girls is not everywhere, and in a number of countries girls do even better in mathematics. Cognitive differences between the sexes have been studied many times, but in the area of mathematical abilities they have not been identified.
By the way, about stereotypes
In the mid-20th century, programming was a typically female profession. Even Cosmopolitan magazine wrote about the naturalness of programming for women, and experts - for example, Grace Hopper, developer of the first compiler - strongly supported this point of view. Moreover, the program for controlling the Apollo lunar spacecraft was written by a team led by Margaret Hamilton; in those years, it was believed that “the typical scrupulousness and attentiveness of women” were the key qualities for programming.
Stereotype: Women are better at detecting lies because their brains are wired for social interaction.
In fact: not true
At a minimum, this is not true in the part about “innate inclination”. A series of experiments involving subjects of both sexes different ages rather, it suggests that women become better at recognizing lies with age; this can be explained not by the structure of the brain, but by lifestyle - for example, women spend more time communicating with their children.
Stereotype: Women are better at smelling because they are programmed to be better at detecting pheromones to find the best partner.
In fact: half-truth
This statement is especially interesting because pheromones have not yet been discovered in humans: no matter what perfume manufacturers say, these substances have not yet been isolated. The only more or less clear candidate is the secretion of the parapapillary glands, but it attracts not the opposite sex, but infants. No less strange is the idea that it is women who must distinguish between pheromones in order to choose the best sexual partner: for most of human history, it was men who chose their partners for reproduction.
Here's how to determine characteristics by smell: immune system People (of any gender) really know how to find a potential partner: we tend to choose those who have a major histocompatibility complex different from our own - the offspring from such a relationship will have stronger immunity.
At the same time, most studies confirm that women really smell better. Whether this matters outside of laboratories is a moot point, since tasters and perfumers are, again, largely men.
Stereotype: women see colors better
In fact: almost true
The genes responsible for color perception are located on the X chromosome, which means that men are more likely to suffer from their mutations (women have two X chromosomes, so there will almost certainly be a “spare copy” for the “broken” gene). Most colorblind people are men; In addition, women are more likely to receive four different light-sensitive pigments instead of three, and thereby distinguish more shades.
There is also evidence (for more details, see the Attic material) that men have a different visual cortex and sex hormones are to blame for this, so that people of different sexes really look at the world differently.
That doesn’t stop men from being artists, designers, paint selectors and photographers. And before the 19th century, there were practically no great female artists, since women faced many obstacles on their way to the heights of art; In particular, they were forbidden to study because of the mandatory drawing of nudes for future artists.
Stereotype: women are better at noticing details like rearranged books on a shelf, men are better at noticing movements in the bushes
In fact: Truth
This observation is confirmed by at least some studies: in a virtual maze, women noticed more details on the sides. In addition, men are faster at detecting small movements, and a number of researchers associate this feature with evolution: if we assume that men hunted more often, then the ability to notice the movement of prey was important factor natural selection. This version is being seriously discussed on the pages of scientific journals, but it is too early to recognize it as the only explanation: in a number of cultures, for example among the Inuit, hunting is not exclusively a man's business, and some of our ancestors even made a living by eating the prey of larger predators. Here the key role could have been played not by acute vision, but by coherence of actions in protecting the carcass from giant hyenas.
Results
Most of the claims that men's brains are different from women's and therefore men should do this and women should do that, in best case scenario half-truth. Even where there are differences, their magnitude may be too small for any practical conclusions. Or, which also happens all the time, these differences can be very specific and appear only under the conditions of a carefully planned psychological experiment. To say that girls can't do well in math or that men can't read emotions is a misconception.
There are many different stereotypes about the stronger sex. Here's one of them: a man must plant a tree, build a house and raise a son. Sound familiar? Exactly.
1. Classic stereotype: the man is the breadwinner of the family. Of course, this would be ideal in any relationship. However, in the modern world, women strive not to give in stronger sex and therefore are gaining more and more dominant positions in all areas of business. Some men even agree to stay at home and raise children, cook and clean. And they can do it even better than women. However, if a man does not want to help his wife with her daily chores around the house, then at least let him earn money to buy her everything she needs. The main thing is that he does not resist if the woman also wants to work.
2. Another stereotype that causes a storm of irritation and indignation among all women: men are not responsible for raising children and do not do housework. Apparently, such a stereotype was invented by men themselves in order to shift the burden of responsibility onto the shoulders of their wives. Allegedly, they earn money, and a woman’s place is in the kitchen. Therefore, only she is responsible for the children. On the other hand, there are women who raise children and provide for their family. And here’s the question: what then is the role of the husband?
The male sex often refers to the fact that the only thing they have to do around the house is to fix something or rewire it. However, many of them don’t even know how to screw in a light bulb! What kind of owner in the house can we talk about in this case?
tommaso_lizzul_shutterstock
3. Another popular stereotype: all men constantly think about sex. Whatever the case. Psychologists from Ohio State University found that young people, on average, think about sex 19 times a day. 18 times respondents' thoughts were occupied with food, and 11 times they dreamed of sleeping. At the same time, women indulged in thoughts of a sexual nature an average of 10 times, thought about food 15 times, and thought about sleep 17 times in two days. Research is research, but sometimes it seems that besides sex and food, we humans are really not interested in anything.
4. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Another misconception of women. If you love to pamper your lover delicious dishes, then he is lucky. A well-fed person is always kinder and calmer - you can take this into account to achieve your goals (if it’s worth it). But don’t think that borscht alone will be enough for him. In addition, you should not overfeed your loved one, otherwise you will not know how to treat him later.
5. Men don't like TV series. And all romantic films too. They often make fun of us because they think that we are too emotional and take everything to heart. What do they care about some Juana and her illegitimate daughter? However, when a woman takes away the TV remote because it's time for her show, they rarely leave or look for something else to do. At the end of the second episode, rest assured that they will already know the names of all the characters, their distant relatives, and will even begin to give them advice on how to solve problems!
6. Men are not as sensitive as women. Not true. They were simply taught from childhood to hide their feelings. “You’re a man, don’t cry!” their fathers often tell them. On some level, this the right approach to raising the future man. However, in reality, they are also very easy to offend and upset. That is why all psychologists constantly advise women to support their man, not to scold him or shout, but rather to thank, care for and cherish him, as delicate flower lotus
