Is it possible to love two men at the same time - Psychology. “I love two men at once - what to do?

What does it mean to love? See your loved one more often, take care of him, touch him, enjoy life together, talk to him, share joys. What to do if you love two people?

“What other two?” - my followers will ask me indignantly family traditions and long strong relationships. “It’s impossible to love two people! Either one or the other. And period!”

Alas, not the point. Women suffer: having accidentally met a new “chosen one”, they cannot forget about him. Men are tormenting themselves: having found their new “soul mate,” they miss their wife, but at the same time they cannot be with the one who has the status of a mistress. How so? Is it possible to love two people, or is this a casual infatuation that will soon pass? Or maybe just a consequence of lack of will?

I was already married when I accidentally met Vladimir at one of the parties. Then I just couldn’t get him out of my head. His voice, touch, look. I realized that I fell in love like a girl and wanted to see him again and again.

But when I came home after the party, I realized that I loved my husband no less. I just have some different feelings for him, or something... I always feel good, cozy, serene with him. And Vladimir is passion and blazing emotions! But I could not betray my husband, although Vladimir stubbornly could not get out of my head.

In general, for two years I suffered from feelings torn apart by me for two completely different men, from time to time colliding with Vladimir, either in a store, or in a club, or in mall. I talked to him online, and one part of me really wanted to continue our relationship. But the other one remained faithful to her husband. I had to make a choice, and I broke all ties with Vladimir without betraying my husband. It was very difficult to forget him, I even lost weight. But over time it got better.

Why is it that only some of us can “love” two people at the same time? Are they immersed in dual relationships, tormented by the fact that they cannot choose one? And others live calmly in marriage, not believing that it is possible to experience real feelings for two chosen ones at once.

We are different by nature: some are content with life in a small town, while for others it is vitally important to conquer the capital; Some people are sure that happiness can only be with one person, while others are convinced that a relationship should be convenient for both, and a stamp in a passport is not an end in itself. In general, we all still have a lot of differences; we not only think, but also feel differently. And if someone admits: “I love two people,” perhaps there is some truth in this.

And what does Yuri Burlan’s system-vector psychology say about this? Is it possible to love two people at the same time?

It is natural to ask such a question if we are talking about people with a visual vector, as well as a skin one. The first ones are able to fall in love with a person practically at first sight, and the latter are most often bored previous relationship, and they go in search of new ones. But there are particulars here that must be kept in mind so as not to draw the wrong conclusions.

In the example above, a woman with an anal-optic ligament makes a choice in favor of her husband, since the concepts of fidelity and honor are very important to her. But why then does she feel in love (and this is not love, but infatuation) for another? The emotional potential of the visual vector is very high, and, apparently, her need to spend and receive emotions remains unsatisfied. The relationship with her husband is not enough for her; it still does not contain what can be called true love - mutual care and fulfilling spiritual intimacy, which, by the way, do not come into the relationship. You need to work hard to make them appear. And if this is not the case, a void arises between the two, which can easily be filled with feelings for another person. But these feelings are not love at all, but only the need of the visual vector for vivid sensations.

Therefore, if it seems to you that you love two people, then it’s time to understand yourself and your relationship with your chosen ones. And this will happen faster and more effectively after completing the training on system-vector psychology Yuri Burlan.

I love both - my mistress and my wife

Maxim went to work in Moscow, and his wife and little son left him in Yalta - the child was almost never sick there, they lived quite comfortably, but for Maxim the income he received in the provinces was not enough. In Moscow he quickly found a job and... mutual language with Irina, head of the department.

Irina is active, cheerful, easy-going. The wife is caring, calm, and understanding. Maxim realized that he had long wanted new sensations in a relationship, and Irina was exactly the opposite of his wife.

In order not to injure his wife, Maxim did not tell her anything about Irina. As before, he came home once a month, but in Moscow he could not do without a new passion.

“Irina is my life, my person. But I won’t leave my wife and son - I have to take care of them.”

Maxim is the owner of the skin vector, who, when the situation changed and achieved a stronger career position, quite quickly switched to a relationship with another woman. Why didn't he confess to his wife? Shame, guilt and desire to protect dear people from suffering?

No, something else. The nature of a man with skin vector is such that he needs a family not for care and love in the usual sense of the word, but rather so that it serves him as a reliable rear. Caring and thrifty wife - best game for a leather worker who strives to move further and further up the career ladder, increasing his material income. And a new passion is for status, for the pleasure of novelty, for health, and so on, no matter how cynical it may sound.

Can such a person love two people at the same time? In the situation described, he most likely does not love anyone, but simply rationalizes due to his natural properties.

Perhaps these are not all the situations in which we can encounter the common idea of ​​love for two women or men at the same time. But if you take a closer look at each of them from the point of view of system-vector psychology, the details and nuances will become clear. Including the reasons for this behavior, as well as ways to solve the problem.

Conclusion

A relationship with another person may attract us because of the novelty of sensations, a vivid feeling, or an unconscious desire to improve our life. But few people like to live on two sides: you can be eaten up by a feeling of guilt. And if not, then no one guarantees that both types of relationships will last long, because you need to constantly become more sophisticated in lying.

That is why it is so important to understand yourself in time, the reasons own desires and actions, and also understand whether everything suits you in your family relationships. Otherwise, you can harm yourself, hurt others and irrevocably lose the trust of loved ones.

Sign up for a free training on system-vector psychology and learn a lot of new things about yourself, your chosen ones and the essence of your relationship.

The article was written based on the training materials on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan

This seems strange, but such a “phenomenon” is not uncommon. Accusing men of being able to love two women at once (a wife and a mistress), one cannot remain silent about the fact that women sometimes find themselves in an ambiguous situation.

The topic of our conversation today is: “ I love two men, what should I do?».

What is the reason for the uncertainty in choosing between partners?

Most often, each man gives a woman what the other cannot give. With one, for example, it is reliable and calm, and with the other - great sex, passion and romance. Let’s not delve into the definitions of where is love and where is something else, because a woman cannot make a choice precisely because she loves the two of them, each in their own way.

What to do in such a situation? - the question is justified. It’s hard to lead a double life, the uncertainty drives you crazy. In such circumstances, a woman can do the following:

1. Continue relationships with two men until both relationships become obsolete

The latter will definitely happen, sooner or later. Either the men will discover the truth about their lover’s double game, or the woman will get tired and want to free herself from the relationship in principle (she will exhaust herself mentally). Disappointing scenario, don't you agree? It is also possible that she will end up with someone alone, perhaps. Maybe after some more time she will still be able to make up her mind. If at this stage you can’t make a choice, you can’t imagine your life without one of your men - give yourself time, don’t change anything, but be prepared for the fact that it won’t be easy.

2. Try to make a choice

Try to add problems to both relationships. See how each of the men behaves, observe your reactions and feelings. Add more workload and complexity to yourself, so that the next meeting with one of your gentlemen will require more effort from you. Any obstacle can either strengthen love or weaken it. Such experiments take time, do not expect results right away. Just complicate your personal life, no matter how crazy it may sound now.

3. Take an observer position

Don’t date any men, find an opportunity to go to your relatives or girlfriend in another city to stay on neutral territory for a while, watch yourself and your feelings. At a distance, the realization of who you really care about comes quickly. Perhaps, having been far from men, alone with yourself, you will definitely be able to decide on your choice.

In any case, if you find yourself thinking: “ I love two men, I can’t choose!“, this is a signal that you cannot remain idle. The well-known saying about two birds with one stone is true. Although, to be honest, maybe a possible loss is for the better? Maybe there is a third option, how a woman is free to behave? –

Break up with both men and wait for the one and only person you love. When love is true and complete, you find peace in one person and stop looking for someone else.

Where does a relationship begin? — The answer is in a short video:

Love, whatever one may say, is the most magical phenomenon that can break hearts, but can, on the contrary, warm the soul for life. For many people, their love story is so interesting that they could make a full-length film based on their life experience.

The main thing is not to overdo it with pepper and not give the relationship too much fire.

You can never tell your heart to treat someone or something exactly one way and not another. It makes its own choice, which is based on feelings and experiences. All impulses and feelings are born deep inside and come from an indefinite plane. Scientists who study human psychology cannot establish exactly how the feeling of love arises in a person, why it connects with a specific person, and why it can suddenly dry up.

There are some arguments, but they cannot be called very accurate and correct, because there is not a single formula that can calculate all human experiences and feelings. Regardless of who you have to evaluate, a man and a woman have their own characteristics, but it is impossible to give an exact answer according to their feelings.

So it turns out that when a person says the phrase “I love you,” it seems to be informative and accurate, since it accurately conveys the thoughts and feelings of the speaker, but at the same time it causes a lot of mysteries and incomprehensibility. It is impossible to immediately believe in this spoken phrase without feeling the most important sincerity that can come from a person.

Women are more sensitive to love relationships, they worry more and become depressed when something goes wrong. Men, on the other hand, are sometimes guided only by their instincts, without giving the relationship seriousness. Women sometimes have problems that they can invent for themselves.

It often happens that one woman falls in love with two male representatives, then for her it becomes the most topical issue, what to do if you love two people. In fact it is very good question, which no one can answer better than a woman’s heart. Of course, a lady can seek advice from a psychologist or a friend for advice, but this is unlikely to be the most correct solution.

The problem of choice arises for every person quite often, but if it concerns everyday problems or something frivolous, then sacrificing one thing in favor of another will not be difficult. When it comes to relationships, it’s not so easy to get rid of the choice. The fact is that almost every woman, deep down in her soul, has the fear that she may make a serious mistake in a relationship, which will entail Negative consequences, and she will greatly regret her past choices.

In this case, it will be almost impossible to correct anything. Therefore, a woman always wants to do the right thing right away, without making any mistakes. It’s hard to even imagine how to find a way out of a situation in which a woman loves two men at the same time.

So what should you do? What to do if feelings flare up equally for two?

Firstly, a woman must realize and understand for herself the fact that absolutely no one except herself can help her make a choice. Therefore, you need to rely only on yourself. You should never rush into making your decision. It’s better to wait for a certain moment, observing each chosen man, and then everything can become clearer. As they say, time has the ability to put everything in its place and can clarify any confusing situation.

For herself, a woman must firmly understand whether her feelings for every man are real. You can try to communicate with yourself, sit in front of the mirror and, looking into your eyes, say the phrase: “I love two people at the same time.” It is important to be honest and sincere with yourself. At such a moment, you can sometimes understand how feelings for one man are a priority and superior to feelings for the second. It is most difficult to withstand the passage of time when both men show equal interest in a woman, then she simply finds herself under psychological pressure.

Through a short time, perhaps this will help you sort out your feelings and do it for real right choice, which will not bring disappointments in life. Instead of a diary, you can simply draw a table of the advantages of each opponent and enter everything there good qualities each of them.

In general, when a woman is faced with such a choice, it is worth considering the fact that love is usually not true for two people. For one thing, a woman definitely experiences false feelings that cannot ultimately bring a sea of ​​​​happiness. You cannot love two people at the same time; most likely, a woman simply feels sympathy for one.

And sometimes it happens when, faced with such a difficult choice, a woman forgets about each man and finds a third one, with whom she spends a happy and long life. Fate can turn in the most unexpected way, sometimes bringing very strange events that change life as a whole.

Love, no matter how brightly it can flare up and how strongly it can embrace the soul, so much it can weaken, and as a result disappear altogether. The main thing to remember when making such a choice is that not a single sage, not a single famous book, not a single best friend or girlfriend.

Only the woman herself needs to decide on this. It’s better to listen to your heart, and also dig deep, deep into your soul, because somewhere there you can probably find the answer to any vital question. And this is the answer that will be correct.

Love is perhaps the most magical and inexplicable feeling that every person can experience. Love is truly contradictory, because it can revive and destroy, warm and make cruel. It has many facets and manifestations; it can come unexpectedly and disappear just as suddenly.

But the most difficult phenomenon from a psychological point of view is when love arises simultaneously for two people: for example, one woman loves two men and is not able to make a choice in favor of one of them. They say that you cannot love two people at the same time, but the fact remains: cases when a woman loves two men, alas, are not uncommon. Therefore, the question is relevant: what to do in such a situation, and which of the two should you choose?

As a rule, such a “love triangle” arises between a wife, husband and lover. One day a woman realizes that both are equally dear to her. It is worth noting that everyone in this trio suffers: the woman who feels guilty, the men who feel deceived, and if there are also children in the marriage, then the situation becomes more complex and tense.

No matter how much you love two people, you still have to make a choice.

Why does love arise for two people at the same time?

According to psychologists, “love split” is one of the ways to fill the mental and physical emptiness. More modern people remain lonely even when married. The lack of emotional fulfillment and mutual exchange of energy pushes a woman to search for the missing impressions in the arms of another man. But there are other reasons.

• Lack of understanding between spouses. One day there comes a time when two people stop hearing each other. A woman understands that her husband is indifferent to her needs, is not interested in her experiences, desires and opinions. Once harmonious relationships turn into boring cohabitation.
• Lack of interlocutor. First of all, a man should be a friend, interlocutor, and only then a lover. In an ideal union built on love, these roles are balanced. But if one of the roles disappears (or is noticeably reduced), the woman experiences discomfort. When she realizes that there is nothing to talk about with a man except about everyday life, she looks for an interlocutor on the side. Finding him, the woman gets carried away and over time realizes that she loves her new chosen one.
• Lack of intimate harmony. When sex becomes nothing more than a marital duty, the woman, as the more emotional side, begins to look for the problem within herself. At first it is passive, then practice begins. And, finding herself in the arms of a passionate man, she feels desired again, and her complexes disappear, giving way to hot feelings. Of course, having received what is missing, the woman falls in love with such a passionate lover.
• Self-esteem. Whatever they say, all people are very dependent on the opinions of others and their attitude towards themselves. This is especially true for male-female relationships. So, if a husband does not compliment his wife, does not admire her, and his eyes do not sparkle at the sight of the once beloved woman, her self-esteem falls. And if at this moment someone appears who openly tells her about his feelings and puts her on a pedestal, then the woman is ready to follow such a man to the ends of the earth.
• Lack of emotional acuity and moral satisfaction. When a man stops surprising his beloved (for example, giving gifts, making surprises, arranging romantic evenings), a woman feels bored and lacks need for her. But all this can be found on the side. And the result of the search is love for another man - the one who made her feel happy and needed.

Thus, there are more than enough reasons for a “love triangle”. In any case, one day a woman realizes that she cannot live a double life, and she needs to make a decision. Often women are pushed to make a choice by men themselves. Most of them are still monogamous and do not want to play second roles.

The choice is not easy to make. And, realizing this, the woman delays the crucial moment in every possible way, continuing to play a double game. This negatively affects her emotional and physical health. Therefore, it is important to make a choice as soon as possible, after carefully analyzing the current situation.

Don't forget: the euphoria of a new relationship can be temporary!

Which of the two men should you choose?

First you need to relax and be alone with yourself. You should not go to your friend or parents for advice, because the main adviser is your own heart. Only by listening to yourself can you begin to resolve the situation.

Establish the reason that led to a double life

Understand yourself and understand what caused your love for another man. Is your husband or lover not paying attention to you? Is he cold towards you and doesn't look at you as a woman? Don't you have anything to talk about? In this case, try talking to him yourself to determine how much your beliefs and feelings correspond to reality.

Often, due to their emotionality, women can come up with a problem based on little things. Therefore, you should not “cut from the shoulder.” Moreover, if it is so difficult to choose one man from two, it means that the woman has something to lose. If your regular partner does not make contact and does not understand what is happening, perhaps you should give preference to your lover. And in this case, it is important to make sure that your lover wants the same thing as you, and will not lose interest in you after a week.

Understand the attitude of both men towards you

Women tend to idealize the man who is nearby. For example, a woman suddenly decides that her husband is not the person she needs, and her lover certainly dreams of marrying her. What do these men really want? Of course, the ideal option would be a dialogue with each of them. But this conversation should be extremely delicate so as not to arouse suspicion among men and give them the opportunity to fully open up to you.

If dialogue is impossible for some reason, use pen and paper: divide the sheet into two columns, in one of which describe what each man does positive for you, and in the other - what is negative. This approach will help you understand your feelings and personal needs. Observation will also help in this matter. Take a close look at men. Try to behave the same with each of them. As a result, you will be able to understand who fills you spiritually and gives you satisfaction in all aspects of life, and who does not.

Weigh the consequences of your decision and imagine the severity of separation

Think about the consequences of your choice

Loving two men at the same time is a serious test for everyone, especially for families with children. When choosing between your husband and your lover, think about how your children and his will react to this. If you think a breakup will be detrimental to the relationship and the kids' psyche, it's worth making the sacrifice own well-being for the sake of the children's happiness.

Deal with your own feelings

Most psychologists say that women are most often monogamous. Based on this, a woman can truly and sincerely love only one partner. The second man is capable of arousing only sympathy, attraction, passion and, perhaps, fleeting love. It is likely that “love” for a second man is just a way to brighten up your gray everyday life.

Try not meeting your lover or communicating with him for a while. Such a pause in the relationship should last at least a month. Do you feel an acute lack of a loved one - despite the fact that your husband is nearby and shows attention to you? So the choice is obvious. Try to isolate yourself from both men. Which one do you miss more? In whose arms do you want to be right now? The answers to these questions will help you deal with your love dilemma.

Is it possible for a woman to truly love two men at once? What about two women for a man? Supporters traditional family they will exclaim indignantly: “No!” and appeal to morality. Freedom-loving individuals will object: “Yes!” and will cite countries with legalized polygamy as an example. By the way, polyandry - “polyandry” is also a very real phenomenon, although not so widespread. Still, most of us hope to meet unique and unique love and do not at all desire to be one of the ends of the love triangle. Then why does this still happen?

Do not rush to cut from the shoulder and call feelings for two chosen ones at once a sign of promiscuity. It often happens that a person who has fallen into a love trap suffers and suffers, but cannot help himself. The reasons why we are overwhelmed by “double love” are different.

• Someone is genuinely attached to their current partner, but at the same time feels that something is missing in this relationship. Let's say a woman values ​​her husband for his reliability, but yearns for romance and compliments, which you won't get from her caring silent man.

However, this is the way it is - if we love a person, then we accept him for who he is. Do you feel a lack of something important to you in both partners? It’s worth thinking about whether this is love at all. Maybe you just haven't found your person yet?

• Boring and measured relationships weigh on natures who crave strong emotions. An affair on the side gives them the necessary intensity of passions, and then the feelings are transferred to their “culprit” himself: it begins to seem that this particular person is the zest that was still missing in family life. But the former partner is still dear! Here is your finished triangle.

Routine ruined a lot of people at first happy couples. The one who delivers us from this dull feeling seems to be a ray of light in the darkness, although often the passion and desire for change speaks within us. It’s worth taking a break for a while in a relationship and waiting before calling your feelings with the big word “love.”

• It happens that a man or woman simply does not have time to make a choice in time. Let's say you are in a free search. You go on a date with one person, then another, and both meetings go wonderfully. Give both of them another chance, and history repeats itself. Time passes, both romances develop, but you still can’t decide which of them is time to end.

Need I mention that such a seething of feelings is more often characteristic of passionate, enthusiastic men and women with an adventurous character? Think about it, perhaps you are attracted not so much to the participants of the triangle, but to the excitement and risk?

Psychologist's opinion

No matter what free beliefs a person adheres to, a connection with two at once remains “forbidden fruit” for most of us. Public morality, education, and religion clearly have a negative attitude towards such unions, and it is extremely difficult to ignore this fact. You didn’t grow up in the forest, which means you are the bearer of the same mentality as those around you.

This is especially true for women. Few of the fair sex have not dreamed of a single knight who will finally appear on the horizon and eclipse all previous casual romances. The fact that there were suddenly two knights is confusing. Causes moral torment and remorse. After all, at least one of your men has to be led by the nose in such a situation, which can hardly please loving woman. Fear also torments: choosing the wrong one, being caught in betrayal, losing both. Many ladies find it impossible to enjoy their “double” love under moral pressure. In addition, in the minds of most of them there is always the thought that one day they will still have to choose. Unlike the distant tribes of India and Tibet, marriages for three are not encouraged in our society. And since the woman is unable to solve this problem - both are dear to her - there is no end to the mental turmoil.

For men, love for two chosen ones is also not as easy as is commonly believed. Let us remind you: we are not talking about a husband who has gone on a spree with his annoying wife, but about a man who experiences sincere and strong feeling to both women. At least that's how it seems at that moment. I don't want to hurt any lady in my heart. I don't want to leave any of them. And there is no desire to change anything... As a rule, such men rarely know how to make firm choices both in their personal lives and in business. It is always easier for them to rely on chance and slowly go with the flow, hoping that everything will somehow resolve itself. True, such a man looks quite pitiful.

Is it worth informing partners?

Sooner or later the situation will have to be resolved. Of course, there are home-grown Mata Hari and Stirlitz, capable of deftly maneuvering between both “peaks” of their love triangle for years and keeping their partners in blissful ignorance. But how much effort and moral torment this will require! And is it fair to lie to your loved one for months? After all, he, just like you, has the right to choose how and with whom to build his life. Think: if the truth is revealed one day without your participation, it will hurt everyone, but you will also be accused of dishonesty.

• But don't rush into confessions! Take a breather before you take any drastic steps.. Any place where you can calmly think about the situation will do: a fake business trip to another city, a tourist trip to Altai, a friend’s empty apartment where you were allowed to live for a week. If only you had the opportunity to temporarily isolate yourself from both partners in order to reduce the influence of emotions. For example, say that you are going to Tmutarakan, where mobile communications are poor (expensive roaming), and ask not to call for a couple of days.
• Think about the current situation. Try to understand why it happened? What is it that you lack in each of your partners that made you need to fill the gap in such a controversial way? Is the lack of these qualities critical?
• For people with a developed imagination, there is a simple recipe, cheerfully demonstrated by the guys from Quartet I in the film “What do men talk about?” Imagine that someone who has the power to decide your fate presents you with a stark either/or choice. You can’t retreat, you can’t remain silent either. Who would you choose?

And only if all these measures do not bring results, you can dedicate your loved ones to your mental torment. Just be prepared to listen to a lot of unpleasant information about yourself! And don’t hope too much that your deceived halves will sit down at the negotiating table and find a decent way out of the situation over a cup of tea. Of course, things happen. However, from where more likely We should expect scenes in the spirit of Carmen, long explanations and, possibly, a break with both partners. So don’t start pouring out your soul until you are sure that you won’t get out of the love impasse alone.

Should I make a choice or leave everything as it is?

Do you need to make difficult choices if neither difficulties nor moral boundaries frighten you? Psychologists are sure that it is necessary. Even if you are sure that you can hide the existence of your rival/rival from your partners for years. Even if they are ready, reluctantly, to come to terms with the current state of affairs. Love for two is not inherent in human nature itself. And where polygamy flourishes, four women are rarely brought into one house for love - such marriages are concluded for practical reasons, and not under the influence of feelings. With our mentality, literally only a few people manage to live peacefully for years together. Sooner or later, jealousy creeps into someone's heart, someone gets tired, and someone goes looking for new love, this time the only one. Of course, no one will stop you from conducting a bold experiment. But keep in mind – the statistics are not in your favor.

Let Shakespearean passions boil in your soul now, beyond the control of the voice of reason. Practice shows that a feeling for two people, no matter how strong it may be, is often tested by simple sympathy or a sudden flare-up and just as quickly extinguished attraction. When you feel attracted to two men (or women), do not rush to throw loud words. Give yourself time to think and your feelings to cool down. Think about what you can lose by following your desires. Are you ready to risk your relationship with your current partner for the sake of a new feeling, or is he, as he is, with his shortcomings and problems, yours? real love?

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