It’s a magical state to breathe from meeting to meeting, from call to call. When the adrenaline overflows, you take wide sips of this spring cocktail, rejoice and live. You don’t exist, but you live, breathing deeply and enjoying every moment together. What it is? - Real love?
From love to hate one step. We remember this phrase from childhood and believe it, in fact, without understanding the true meaning of either the word “hate” or, moreover, the word “love”. And at the same time, from the same childhood, many of us dream of true love, getting confused in own desires, dreams, aspirations and stereotypes.
What is true love? How is it different from love addiction and love? How not to make a mistake?
It’s a magical state to breathe from meeting to meeting, from call to call. When the adrenaline overflows, you take wide sips of this spring cocktail, rejoice and live. You don’t exist, but you live, breathing deeply and enjoying every moment together.
What it is? - Real love?
Unlikely. Magically. But it doesn't last. The euphoria goes away quickly. What remains?
What is at the root of this attraction? We immediately talk about true love, we assure ourselves and our loved ones that this is exactly what we feel. And definitely forever. To the grave. Every time. But after a couple of weeks, losing the first intensity of feelings, we are already slipping away from the relationship. Are we surprised, disappointed or...
Or vice versa. We become tightly attached to a person, we grab his every word on the fly... We go crazy. We are completely dependent on him. We give ourselves to him to the last drop and expect the same in return.
What if we don’t receive it?
This article is about what true love is, how it differs from falling in love and love addiction. It will give an understanding of these states from the position of System-Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan. What exactly did you have to face?
And what to do so as not to go crazy and be happy?
But first, watch a short excerpt from a free lecture on system-vector psychology, where Yuri Burlan talks about what understanding a person will give from the inside:
What is true love: origins
True love at first sight? Many people dream about this, dream about this state, without realizing that we are not talking about love at all and, especially, not about true love...
All love states are characteristic of people with. And what exactly a person is able to experience depends on the development of the vector. The whole range of emotions from the hysterical desire “love me, I feel bad without your attention” to the contemplative “I love the world and I feel good if you feel good.” One root and two extremes. Emotion! Emotional connections. Attachment. Love. Love. Passion.
What is true love and infatuation?
Falling in love covers us like a wave. Instant and crushing, dulling the sense of reality and bringing the whole world down on one’s head, without giving time and opportunity to look back, think, accept... It is bright, emotional, this is a peak that can just as quickly and easily decline and disappear altogether. Sometimes right away. Sometimes after a while.
She is, at times, quite hysterical, absolutely emotional and not deep. This condition is characteristic of almost all people with a visual vector. This is a dispersion of feelings, the euphoria of a nascent relationship. It has an indirect relation to true love.
Almost every one of us has encountered it. These are the same sighs, songs under the window, romance, a certain “rosiness”. What they sing about, write about, live and breathe. What skeptics laugh at.
This is an absolutely normal state for the viewer. People with a visual vector are unusually amorous. They instantly build emotional connections. Moreover, often in large quantities- with different objects.
No matter how strong the love may be, do not forget that this phenomenon is temporary. It can become the basis for a relationship. But it will never be their only component.
It can develop into wild passion or addiction. And it can bring burning pain. Or joy.
What is true love and love addiction as the opposite of true love
Love addiction is one of the most painful conditions that a person can experience. " Unrequited love"is often accompanied by it, turning the soul inside out and discoloring the world. Under certain conditions, the viewer is able to create emotional connection with one person, bringing down all your feelings on him. Literally drowning him in a volcano of passions.
A person with a love addiction is tightly attached to the object of his passion. She thinks about him around the clock. Hysterical, not receiving enough attention. It is worth noting that any attention, any response will be insufficient. All the time a person is not enough, his words are not enough, his actions are not enough... not enough! I want him to completely dissolve in the relationship.
The deep processes here actually come down to an urgent need to be visible. And get what you want so much, no matter what.
At the same time, the person who becomes attached often thinks that he lives for the sake of this person (and in fact lives for him and exclusively for himself), that this is true love. “It blew my mind,” “he drives me crazy,” “I can’t help but see him,” “I don’t want to live without him.” This is just hysteria caused by one single desire - to get the person completely.
No matter how much it hurts. No matter how you convince yourself that you really love, you need to get rid of love addiction. This is a destructive state, emotional swings that under no circumstances can become the basis for a relationship. This is in the visual vector, a painful state, dissatisfaction that tears you apart from the inside, and also crushes the life of someone who is so dear to you like a hurricane.
What is true love as it is?
True love is calm and majestic. She doesn’t swing you like a pendulum, she doesn’t throw you into a storm. She is like the sea, slightly touched by a warm breeze. Warming. Warm. Creative. She has no hysterics or fear. And there is no pain either.
If this is True Love, then there is no selfishness and no desire to be loved. She has a desire to give. Don’t say that “I’ll throw the whole world at his feet,” but really give.
True love is contemplative. Only people with a developed visual vector who do not experience fear are capable of it. Having pushed out all their natural fears through compassion. It is impossible to truly love one person and remain callous to the rest of the world. In true love, the state is smooth and powerful. When you love, you truly see and love the whole world. And it, in turn, is painted with bright, amazing colors.
You need to learn to love!
How? Through the development of the visual vector. Through compassion. Learn to give. And receive only in order to give.
For a visual person, true Love is a cherished state to which he subconsciously strives. We write about it, sing, talk about it, breathe it. But we don't know how to love. Get rid of fears to learn. And be happy.
Listen to what Julia says about how her relationship with her husband changed when she learned to love, and not demand love for herself:
The article was written based on the training materials “ System-vector psychology»
True love is a magical and enchanting feeling. How to guess that a relationship that is emerging or lasting for some time is true? How to recognize love for life, hold it, preserve it and not let it go, no matter what happens? This question interests many readers, because initial stage In the development of relationships, it is so easy to confuse love, passion and even lust with a subtle sublime feeling.
There are several distinctive features, indicating sincere love. In our next publication we will introduce readers to the main manifestations of this sublime feeling.
Love does not force you to look for yourself in another person
Very often we want to fall in love only because we are in the process of finding ourselves. We are desperately searching soul mates and we easily manage to fall in love, as if by magic. It's like we give our brain the command to fall in love and dissolve in a person with a similar worldview. But such feelings are always short-term. If we are not aware of this, it means that we may soon be severely disappointed.
True love does not require your chosen one to have similar interests or complete imitation. This feeling will never force you to look for yourself in another person.
You won't find true feelings until you love yourself.
Only harmony with yourself, with your inner self, can, like a magnet, attract the feelings of another person. Surely each of us will remember a time when loved ones consoled us at a time when our hearts were broken. And all the words of consolation were spoken correctly then. You were abandoned not because you were unworthy, it was just the way the circumstances turned out. You were abandoned, which means those feelings were not real. Love yourself, and you will definitely find harmony and happiness in a new relationship.
Love doesn't require anything
A person tries with all his might to find love, it just so happens. We are confident that a sincere feeling will bring happiness, help us cope with any adversity, and make us cleaner and stronger. And how easy is it to distinguish true love from all-consuming love? a short time falling in love. Remember, true love will never require you to lose weight, play sports, get up to generally accepted standards, or reconsider your social circle. Sincere feelings never require anything, even in return, because they are selfless. Therefore, truly happy people are those who accept their partners as they are, without conditions or ultimatums.
Love allows you to be yourself
Dear ladies, how often are you embarrassed to appear in front of your chosen one in the morning without makeup? For some reason, you are sure that he will like you much less if you are unkempt and unwashed. You don’t want to let your loved one get close to you when you have a cold, embarrassed by your reddened eyes. You run to the bathroom to brush your teeth in the morning at the moment when your lover tries to kiss you. And if your partner demonstrates to you with all his nature that your naturalness is important to him, then he really loves you. 
True love is not used to asking questions
Do you find yourself thinking about the future of your couple or asking yourself too many questions about your chosen one and the right choice? Then you haven't met your soulmate yet. This union is most likely just an episode in your life. True love always comes naturally, and she will never ask the question “Is this my person?”
To receive, you must learn to give
Remember that real relationships cannot afford restraint in feelings, much less use as a bargaining chip. It is very important to appreciate and accept a partner with all his shortcomings. What will happen if for every trifle and for every slightest wrong step, a cold reception awaits your partner? And why repeat words of love to your soul mate as a tribute for good deeds. A loved one is not a child; he does not need to be raised.
True love will not stop if a person suddenly falls ill, loses his acquired fortune, or commits some kind of offense. True feeling is unconditional. By giving your chosen one unselfish love, you can always count on reciprocity. Remember that by giving, a person always gains much more.
Love is based on friendship
Remember how at the beginning of the publication we touched on the topic of finding yourself in another person. That's right, love should not look for similar interests, but very often it is based on friendship. Remember that many happy couples have known each other since school and, as they say, managed to “eat more than a pound of salt with each other” before they realized that a magical feeling had overtaken them. Remember that physical, sizzling passion is short-lived. What will you talk about with your partner when the spark fades? You will simply lose interest in him, but the friendship will remain forever.
Most people now misunderstand the meaning of the word "love", they confuse it with falling in love, and these are different things. Falling in love is more of a physiological state, and love is a state of mind. Falling in love is just a game of hormones.
What is true love? When a person begins to experience love, his previous pattern of behavior changes, the person begins to feel what the other person feels, and takes on all the pains and joys of that person. Love is suicide, it is the murder of your former self, your individuality. It's like connecting to another person's nervous system. Love is pain, it is suffering, it is a feat. Love is the sacrifice of one's own development for the development of another/others.
How to distinguish falling in love from love? Falling in love does not always turn into love, but it is often considered love. It came from sentimentality, from people who turned love into a kind of lisp, into red hearts and angels with arrows. Falling in love is actually just a physiological human need caused by a hormonal surge. It is known that when someone feels in love, oxytocin is produced in his body, and because of this he experiences a feeling of euphoria. Oxytocin is the hormone of a friendly attitude towards another person. Even when two brutal men are sitting drinking in the kitchen, and their conversation reaches the “do you respect me” stage, then at that moment oxytocin is produced, interacting with alcohol. That’s why conversations arise about respect, friendship, various hugs, fraternization, and so on. In the same way, two drunk guys and girls feel sympathy more often than sober ones - because alcohol stimulates the production of oxytocin, which causes sympathy, similar to falling in love.
A person is drawn to another person because more and more new needs for dopamine and oxytocin arise. But then in many cases it goes away. Falling in love is an animal attraction to a person of the opposite sex. Sexual attraction is also attributed to love when it is confused with falling in love, but you can experience absolutely no attraction to a person and still love him, because love is not determined by the degree of attraction. Some women say: “He doesn’t love me anymore, he left for someone else.” The fact is that he did not love her before, but only felt attraction.
I know from the experience of many girls who claimed that:
“Yes, I really love this man! We have true love, I know that for sure!”
But then some kind of force majeure happened in their relationship, and their former “true love” disappeared somewhere, and arguments and swearing came in its place. Is this true love? Over so many years of perversion, the term “love” has been turned into various kinds of lisping, pink hearts, angels, etc. The capitalist, bourgeois model of the social system has turned this term into a commodity, into something that can be sold or into something on which big profits can be made. Those. It turns out that the concepts of “love” and “being in love” have been replaced. If love is something high, then falling in love is and there is ordinary human feeling. Exactly the same as the feeling of hunger, drowsiness, the feeling when a person wants to go to the toilet, etc. This is a simple primitive feeling, a simple primitive instinct, and mass culture is largely built on this primitive feeling of falling in love, incorrectly calling it love. Modern culture, or rather, pop culture has degenerated to such an extent that the mind is no longer enough for anything other than praising primitive, physiological human feelings and needs, because falling in love is simply a need.
But judge for yourself, just imagine, this is just ordinary physiological attraction, when one individual, having smelled the pheromones of another individual, begins to experience sexual attraction. It is sexual, because falling in love one way or another presupposes sexual intercourse in the future. Those. it is continuously connected with this and is only a stage in the development of sexual intercourse between a man and a woman. It’s as simple as two and a half, but they’ve made such a huge commercial product out of it, they’ve already made so much money from it, they’ve made so many careers, they’ve made so many films and recorded music. If the author of a work wants to get easy money, he will definitely play on human feelings: he will write about falling in love, calling his works “songs about love”, “films about love”, “romance novels”.
Falling in love involves the secretion (release) of certain hormones. They say for example:
“If you really love me, you will go to the ends of the earth!”
And people are coming. There is nothing wrong with following a person to the “ends of the world,” but the point is that people follow precisely by feeling. Because here we can really talk about a strong stage, but not love, but falling in love. Those. under the influence of a large production of hormones - natural drugs (endorphins, serotonin, dopamine), a person, intoxicated (literally) with them, goes to any lengths of madness for the sake of the object of his love. And when the object (partner) suddenly leaves such a person, then due to the lack of the usual dose of drugs (withdrawal), he is ready to take radical measures - even suicide. This happens, as a rule, during the puberty (teenage) period, when the hormonal surge is already very large, and stimulation also occurs due to this dangerous feeling.
It follows that true love has nothing to do with the sexual feeling of attraction of one person to another, while love is not a feeling at all.
Here's another example. Imagine this situation: A child grows up in a family, and the family also has a dog. They love to play with each other, run, etc. But one day, for some reason, the child had to leave this place for about 10 years. But when he returned as a changed, older person, the dog, seeing him, immediately rushed to him. And the man experienced the same joyful feelings for her. This is love, what do you think? No! And this is not love, this is also just instinct! Once they felt good together, they played, laughed, they produced pleasure hormones (endorphins), and their memory retained this hormonal surge. But now the story continues. One day, when they were playing together, bad people approached the child and tried to kill him with a knife, but the dog saw this and rushed to his aid, jumped, shielded him with herself and soon died. Those. she sacrificed her life for hers. And this is really love!
Love is the ability to sacrifice the most precious thing you have for the sake of someone else. And the most precious thing is life. You may sincerely hate another person, but difficult situation you sacrifice yourself for him - this is love. And everything else is lisp and “pink snot”. And no more. All this baby talk is worthless, while love is strength, power, is a manifestation of a person’s will and determination. This, if you like, is more like a character trait than a feeling.
There are still divisions between motherly love, friendly love, the love of a man and a woman. But in fact, there is no separation at all - it’s all one and the same, because love has no material, physiological source, love has a different nature - it’s a spiritual feeling, it’s not even a feeling, but some kind of spiritual component, some kind of immaterial a form that overwhelms a person. Love is a humanitarian term. To put it simply, love is not what modern people used to think: “Oh, how I feel inside myself!” - this is not that, - this is not love, but some kind of instincts, and instincts are material. Love is a definition not of a person’s internal state, but of his actions, his external manifestation. Any attempt to present love only as a feeling, i.e. something you feel is wrong.
To love means to wish a person the highest good, it is the ability to make the greatest sacrifices, the ability to give one’s life for a person. A person no longer lives by his own interests, but switches to the interests of another person and shares everything with him.
“Greater love has no one than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” In. 15-13
About marriage
Love in marriage is not the quenching of lust and sexual desire- this is a purely humanitarian term, while lust is completely material and is explained by the production of certain hormones. Love in general is a purely humanitarian term that has nothing to do with attraction. In all nations at all times, marriages were concluded not at all out of love, but because the father of the groom and the father of the bride decided to unite their farms, their families, their homes, and capital. They gave their children away according to this principle. And it’s okay, somehow they lived and gave birth to children, and the families were strong.
Marriage- this is an official (i.e. recognized by the state or religious denomination) union between a man and a woman for the sake of procreation and joint housekeeping.
A marriage will be strong when it stands on a strong foundation. And if the foundation of a marriage is only the love of two people, their passion, lust and attraction to each other (and attraction tends to pass, disappear!) - then the marriage is destroyed. This is evidenced by the sad statistics of divorces, about 60-70% .
The basis of a successful marriage, its foundation should be two points: A) children, b) farming. The second point is quite logical: you must agree that running a household together is much easier than running a household alone. And the first point is the most important point, because when you get married, its purpose is to give birth and raise children, i.e. in the production of new members of society. Therefore, you need to give all of yourself to the children, and the entire marriage should exist precisely for the sake of the children. This has always been the case, at all times, in any people, in any region of our Planet.
But now the institution of marriage has been perverted and turned into something else. Marriage today is a union between two lovers, created solely based on their feelings, needs, attraction, lust. This is something that is easy to conclude and easy to dissolve; even more and more changes are being applied to the legislation to facilitate the procedure for concluding and dissolving a marriage. If you wanted, you got married, if you wanted, you got divorced. Now even witnesses are no longer needed. Therefore this" modern marriage“And you can’t call it a marriage.
I'll tell you this: love is a sacrifice. If you sacrifice, you love, the more you sacrifice, the more you love. If you don't sacrifice anything, but only receive, you don't love. That is, “give, give, give” is not love, “na, na, na” is love. If you take, take and want to take more - this is passion. Insatiable passion. And if you give and are ready to continue giving, this is love. This is a very simple definition. Love is measured by sacrifice. You can sacrifice money, time, health, nerves, psyche, a finger, a second finger, a third finger, a hand, a hand to the elbow, a hand to the shoulder, a leg, another leg, a head, a heart - this is love... You sacrifice - love, not sacrificing is not love. This is how you check yours family relationships. - Archpriest Andrey Tkachev
Love in marriage- this is not love and attraction at all, love in marriage - this is a victim. This is the ability to sacrifice oneself, one’s personal space, time, a piece of one’s individuality for the sake of children and spouse. Therefore, I would even rename the term “Lovers” to “Lovers”, i.e. those who are in love and give free rein to their desire are engaged in “falling in love”, but not love. By the way, “marital duty” is not called duty for nothing, because the spouse is simply obliged to do “this”, is obliged to perform this sacrament. Gruzdev called himself get in the body! Called yourself husband/wife - fulfill your duty, bear offspring, create new members of society. Well, if these are lovers, then what duty do they have? This is exactly what they want, this is not a duty, but a direct following of their instincts and needs. Whereas the fulfillment of duty does not always happen at will and is often even done reluctantly. That’s why it’s a duty, whatever you want or not, you have to do!
True love is like slavery
Yes exactly! So, does this phrase cause some kind of indignation and discomfort, insult and dissatisfaction in you? Or maybe because it’s about you? After all, as is customary among many, a husband (or wife) is almost property for spouses and is needed in order to fulfill any of their requests and instructions. But true love, i.e. the one that is not falling in love is slavery, and the slavery is mutual. And when slavery is mutual, i.e. Both the one and the other spouse are equally slaves for each other, then there is no one who will exploit. This is not slavery when there is a slave and an owner - this is voluntary, mutual slavery. And that's exactly the point. When one of the spouses ceases to be a slave himself and begins to only demand, then he becomes the master - and there is no more love.
Therefore, the essence of marriage for love is precisely self-sacrifice; love is a sacrifice. Just as a slave in ancient Egypt sacrificed himself to his master, so does a man who loves sacrifice himself. The only difference is that this slavery and sacrifice are voluntary, and therefore it is not slavery at all, in the classical sense of this concept.
However, many people are so stuck in their egoism that such a formulation may seem wild to them: “How is it so: I am and will be a slave!?” Spouses perceive each other as private property, as slaves, but at the same time they do not want to be such themselves. Due to the different role behavior of husband and wife, slavery manifests itself in different ways. The wife is distinguished by meekness, the husband - by protection and support. That's why I say that love is akin to slavery, but not the same.
