It is walking by leaps and bounds across the planet, and we simply cannot understand how to get rid of this obsession. When it’s completely unbearable, you have to start leafing through magazines and smart books, or even go for a consultation with a specialist in the field of relationships. Today we will look at the reasons unrequited love, how to get rid of it or, conversely, achieve what you want.
I can say right away that if you contact a psychologist, he will advise you the same thing as this article, so that you have already saved money on the first session - all that remains is some work on yourself. If you carefully read and implement the knowledge from this article into your life, you won’t have to go to anyone at all. In any case, these tips may come in handy one day. So, let's begin!
Don't be intrusive
Unrequited love attracts us more than reciprocal love, because it is inaccessible. Think about this and decide for yourself whether you really like this person, or whether this is just a game of offended pride. If you still decide to achieve what you want, then do it without sudden movements and imperceptibly, do not impose your love.
Unrequited love: how to attract a guy
This advice will be for women and girls. No matter how much they tell you about the benefits of taking a step forward and declaring your love first, you shouldn’t rush into it. Give guys the opportunity to take the first steps themselves, but show that you enjoy being together - this will be your declaration of love.
Let me hunt you
Remember that guys are hunters, and they simply need to pay dearly for the attention of their beloved, otherwise it will be an easy prey, and what comes easily, people rarely appreciate. But you shouldn’t overdo it, just create an environment so that the guy becomes interested in you, and he has the opportunity to be the first to confess his feelings. If you still decide to take this step, without waiting for his attempt, then let this declaration of love be royal, without a plea for a relationship. Don't act like your fate depends on his decision.
Unrequited Love: Don't Fall into This Trap
If a guy does not reciprocate your feelings, become unique in his environment: look at yourself critically, decide what virtues in yourself you can emphasize, and begin to develop them. This could be appearance, hair, figure, love of sports, timbre of voice and manner of communication. And most importantly, learn to smile. They say that a smile is a person’s best trump card, and few people like gloomy people. People already have so many problems and sadness in life, don’t add to this with your presence, please. And do not use blackmail and hysterics. Threats to commit suicide have never brought anyone into a stable relationship, and your death will only bring relief to the target of blackmail. With such antics you will simply cross out your chance to achieve the love of your man, and he will dream of getting rid of you.
Unrequited love: how to attract a girl
In this sense, it is more difficult for guys than for women. If it’s enough for us to simply emphasize our strengths and work on our figure and smile, then men will have to add personal achievements to this, as well as the ability to communicate with girls. The fact is that women are gentle and impressionable people. If you go too far, your chances of being with her will decrease.
Unrequited love: reasons for refusal
If a girl refuses you, then there may be 3 reasons for this: you are not her type at all, and it is unpleasant for her to be around you; you are not her type, but she feels good with you; you are her type, she likes you, but you behave, excuse me, like a “close-minded” person. Try to figure out which category you fall into and start taking action. If the first option happened to you, then there’s nothing you can do about it - there are a lot of girls around who like you, pay attention to them, and don’t sharpen the hatchet from wounded pride.
The harsh truth of life
People cannot be liked by everyone equally. If you have unrequited love for another reason, then first become her good friend, but not to those who constantly spend time with her, replacing her friend, but to those who will always come to the rescue and save this Little Red Riding Hood from the evil gray wolf.
Love may start with friendship, but don't overdo it
Let you be the one who picks her up from a party or takes her away from a pestering gentleman, but don’t enter the so-called “friend zone”. If you start replacing her with girlfriends and going shopping together or listening to complaints about guys, you will never become her man! You know too much and you lose your gender identity.
Let's see if you have a chance to become her lover
So, let’s confirm: you are not disgusted with her, and that’s already good! However, she refused you - and this is not very pleasant, but become her knight, her friend, a strong shoulder to lean on. Then she will gradually realize that no one treats her better than you, she will get used to your company and want more. Only you will have to control yourself. It is important to give her the opportunity to be the first to reach out to you, otherwise you will scare her away.
Take a break from your personal problems interesting activity. You can get carried away with career growth, see more friends, pay attention to your parents, do something interesting: sports, hiking, gymnastics, martial arts, and so on. Unrequited love, according to psychologists, ceases to exist after 2 years on its own. When you lose dependence on the attitude of a loved one towards you, you free your heart, and true mutual feeling will not be slow to enter your life.
Unrequited love is a step towards a real relationship
Don’t forget that wedges are knocked out with wedges, and unrequited love is overcome by a new feeling, so look around more often, suddenly your happiness is very close. Just don’t try to go to extremes: enter into a relationship to numb the pain or make someone jealous! This the right way make it even worse for yourself and lose forever the chance to attract the attention of a worthy person.
Unrequited love for a girl or guy: once again about how to achieve reciprocity
If you decide to seek the favor of your loved one, then this will benefit you first of all. In an effort to become worthy of the object of your adoration, you begin to work on yourself and discover new talents in yourself, and also free yourself from complexes.
How does unrequited love make us better people?
There are undeniable advantages to this feeling, although now you are unlikely to agree with me. The desire to be noticed by a loved one forces us to do things that we didn’t want to do before and were lazy: become better, learn new things, improve in something, reach incredible heights in our careers. Very often, while you are trying to become better and more successful, love is forgotten, and you already look at the person with different eyes. At this moment you can meet your true, mutual love, and please don’t let it go to waste!
True love involves mutual feelings, but sometimes emotions go unanswered. Many people have experienced unrequited attraction in their lives. Most easily passed through the suffering and let go of the object of worship. But often unrequited love becomes an unbearable burden, a strong feeling does not let go. Psychologists give advice to break a one-way relationship. How to survive unrequited love?
Causes
To know how to cope with unrequited love, it is worth finding out the reasons for this feeling.
- Internal state. Fatigue and depression affect the overall energy, and disappointment in love becomes an addition to the general emotional background.
- Low self-esteem. Lack of self-confidence is reinforced by attitudes: “I’m too ugly for him,” “I don’t match him,” “No one will ever love me.” The lower a person evaluates himself, the more difficult it is for him to achieve reciprocal feelings. There is a strong belief that “I will always have it worse than others.”
- The benefits of unrequited love. Sometimes such feelings have benefits, but the person is not aware of them. This is a way to hide from life; subconsciously a person does not want to be in a relationship, and a one-sided feeling allows him to escape from them.
- The illusion of love experiences. Unrequited love creates a bright picture emotional life. It contains suffering, hopes, internal events associated with the object of love. I don’t want to leave this illusion into problematic reality.
- Usually people who do not see an example of a happy relationship in childhood do not cope with falling in love. Parents didn't set an example for them trust relationships. It is difficult for such a person to imagine mutual love; it seems to him that intimacy does not exist. The consequences of this are the choice of unrequited feelings or complete closure from love.
These reasons may not be recognized, but accepting them can answer the question: “How to deal with unrequited love?”
Unrequited love is like an addiction
If a person cannot do it for a long time, then psychologists sometimes use the term “love addiction” or addiction. Love addictions are often compared to alcohol or gaming addiction, only instead of alcohol or games there is a living person. When he is not around, the dependent person experiences real torment. He may get sick, gain weight, lose weight, and look exhausted. When dependent on love, a person directs all his thoughts and actions to the object of passion. He can write letters to him, keep watch at his house, stalk him on social networks.
Signs of love addiction:
- a feeling of love arises towards a person who experiences indifference;
- A woman or a man experiences unhappy love for a very long time, sometimes for years;
- Along with love for the object of worship, a range of feelings is experienced, from jealousy to resentment.
In severe forms of addiction, your career suffers, hobbies and friends disappear. Psychologists note that people often come to appointments with the question: “How to cope with love addiction?” In most cases, their condition is already very serious. Unhappy love is often glorified in literature, the most shining example– Petrarch and his Laura.
On a note! Psychologists advise using love addictions writing down suffering, thoughts, and keeping a diary is one of the techniques of psychotherapeutic practice.
First experience
In their youth, many are faced with unrequited love. The first experience, an attempt to build relationships and feelings, is usually accompanied by self-doubt, increased emotionality, and idealization of the object of worship. Sometimes unrequited love is useful for outgrowing most complexes and fears in adolescents. But it happens that young people are disappointed; first love leaves a negative imprint on all subsequent relationships. Unhappy love is difficult to forget; your thoughts always return to it.
What to do? How to survive first love? To begin with, we should thank life for the lessons; love comes to us for a reason. We learn to build relationships, observe, become better and improve for our loved one.
You should also sift the wheat from the chaff. There is no need to paste the shortcomings of your former lovers onto your new loved one. It is useful to give up the habit of comparing. Yes, it's not easy to do. Negative experiences often come to mind, but you need to thank the universe that you found out who you really need.
Surviving rejection
Sometimes, in order to receive reciprocity, you need to make a confession. It's scary to admit your feelings, get rejected and kill hope. How to survive rejection? But psychologists recommend not to be afraid to talk about emotions. This is better than dreaming about reciprocity for years and not making an attempt to try to be together.
Open recognition allows you to break out of a vicious circle and gain mutual relationships. Even if the answer is no, then you need to contact new stage and build a different level of relationships, taking into account all past mistakes. Don't forget to praise yourself for your courage!
Video: psychologist Natalya Tolstaya about unrequited love
How to help yourself
But how to survive unreciprocated love? Let's look at the advice of a psychologist. Masters of psychological science recommend the following actions.
Investigation of the cause
If you cannot cope with unrequited feelings for more than 6 months, then there are reasons that incline you to love one-sidedly. Try to answer the questions honestly. What makes you continue to suffer? What is the reason behind the unrequited feeling and desire to be loved? Could this be due to fear that you will be offended or lack of confidence in your own attractiveness? What is the main fear in a relationship? If you manage to find out the reason, then you need to deal with it.
"Light a fire"
The poet Ovid advised to treat unhappy love by lighting fires. Psychologists also recommend this appointment today. May you have many resources that will allow you to escape from unrequited feelings. New job, passion, hobby, volunteer help. It could be yoga, dancing, driving courses, a reading group - anything. If you scatter the firebrands of a love fire in this way, you will soon see that it has gone out.
This strong remedy helps reduce stress, since the feeling of melancholy goes away along with sweat - adrenaline is produced. Nadezhda Babkina and many other stars cope with stress this way.
Make lemonade
A good method was recommended by Carnegie. He advised making lemonade from sour lemons. A feeling of love can be aimed at creation, and not at self-destruction. There are many examples of people coping with stress and rising above their worries.
Finding flaws
Feelings for a man or woman are often based on idealization. A loved one is given only positive qualities, only good is visible in him. Try going the other way. Write down all the shortcomings on a piece of paper, remember all the flaws, even if they are fictitious. This powerful remedy is suitable for people with a developed imagination.
Video: psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky, about unrequited love:
Conclusion
The feelings of a person experiencing one-sided love are similar to hopelessness. It seems that there is no way out of the situation. If you have fallen in love and don’t know how to get over unrequited love, you should consider contacting a specialist. In severe cases it can help family psychologist or a psychotherapist.
To say that it is very difficult to survive irresponsibility is to say nothing. Most people have encountered an unrequited feeling, but, as they say, time is a healer, everything will wear out. But what to do when you give up, depression has taken over your whole life, and a broken heart does not give you peace? You will still have to experience unrequited love, and it is up to you to overcome it without much loss!
How to survive unrequited love without going crazy
It often happens that people experiencing unrequited feelings bring their condition to complete despair and can do a bunch of stupid things that they will later regret. But no one thinks about it right away, and the pain at times becomes unbearable and burns from the inside.
Stop! Look around! Look around! Because of how you feel now, the world has not stopped, life goes on as usual, and you are missing perhaps the most amazing moments in your life. First, look at yourself in the mirror and tell me, is it worth who you have now become?
Your task is to understand once and for all that your loved one is not your property, he cannot belong to you, just like you cannot belong to anyone. And the cure for unrequited love is none other than you! You urgently need to pull yourself together and begin active actions that will not help you forget unrequited love, but will become steps for you into a new life.
To cope with failure and unrequited love, try looking at it from a different angle.
Don’t even think about feeling sorry for yourself and being lazy. Do what you always didn’t have enough time and energy for - clean up the house, plant flowers, everything you touch now. Starts to live new life;
Do not sit in the evenings with gifts and photographs of a person who does not share your feelings. I'm not asking you to throw them away, just put them out of sight so they're out of your reach;
Really help your parents or children. They need your support now more than ever. After all, just a little more and you would completely forget about their existence;
“Get to work headlong!” - you say. I will answer: “No!” This will only make the situation worse heartache, and you need to heal. Therefore, we don’t disrupt the work rhythm, and now we have a little more time – go to the stylist! Change your hair color, visit a cosmetologist, go for a massage. Change perfume;
To survive unrequited love, you shouldn’t sit at home on the weekends, meet with friends, go to the cinema, etc. But you shouldn’t visit only those places where you can cross paths with the object of your love. Only you will be hurt. For what?
Now you are at home alone with yourself. Tears again?! After all, you need to go to bed that you shared with your loved one. First: change the bedding. Second: it's just your bed. And sleep is a gift of nature, which gives us strength to live every day. Get well!
Instead of being tormented and tormented by the fact that they didn’t answer you, try smiling condescendingly. “There’s nothing to worry about. Didn't appreciate it, so don't. He will regret it later, but it will be too late!”
It is also worth remembering that the opposite sex does not end with the object of your boundless passion. You just have to take a closer look, and you will probably notice that someone else is showing interest in you. Try to respond to this impulse, and who knows how it will all end. Perhaps this is your destiny.
Think about the fact that “everything that is done is for the better.” Try to console yourself with the thought that it is still unknown how your romance would end if the object of your passion suddenly reciprocated your feelings. Try to remember everything well. Surely you have had to listen to very sad stories about how your beloved girl spoiled young man life of constant hysterics and jealousy. She did not let him take a step, constantly demanding an account of where he was and what he was doing. Put yourself in the place of this poor fellow, and you will immediately want to cross yourself and exclaim: “It’s so good that I got rid of her!”
In addition, in order to experience unrequited love, you should take off your rose-colored glasses. Did your girlfriend seem like an angel in the flesh to you? Did you not notice its shortcomings, but saw only its advantages? This is all easily explained - you were just head over heels in love with her.
Now turn on your imagination and try to calmly and objectively look at the subject of your unrequited passion. Try to see the “double bottom” in its merits. Did they tell you that she studied well and was an excellent student? This is probably a potential blue stocking».
Is everyone simply delighted with her culinary skills? She probably simply doesn’t know how to do anything else, which is why she stuck around in the kitchen all the time. Does she have a beautiful, flawless figure? Can you imagine at what cost she achieved this? She probably weighed every carrot, imagine that she would force you to do this too!
Or, for example, she is, on the contrary, plump. It’s scary to even imagine how it would be destroyed after the birth of your first child or a few years later.
So, don’t worry too much about how to survive unrequited love, everything will be fine!
How to overcome unrequited love for a guy
The first thing that comes to your mind when you feel unrequited love is that there is something wrong with you! You begin to delve into yourself and look for the reasons that you believe destroyed your love. Naturally, you blame only yourself, you begin to find fault with your appearance, manners, question your worth, etc. In general, self-esteem is going downhill...
During this period, it doesn’t matter at all to you that other men are wooing you, showing you signs of attention or giving you gifts. You only need HIM! Further, as a rule, the situation has two most popular developments. The first way is depression, self-flagellation, tears, apathy. The world has collapsed, no one hopes for anything anymore, there is no faith in relationships, etc. Many of us follow this path at first. True, having finally realized that tears cannot help grief - most have the intelligence and strength to move in the completely opposite direction in order to survive unrequited love.
When the mental wound no longer hurts, but only aches, we suddenly begin to realize that we are still worth something! They simply didn’t appreciate us! You are bursting with curiosity, who is the beautiful stranger who was chosen over you? As a rule, our imagination pictures us of a woman who is unusually beautiful, bright, energetic, etc. But, in most cases, we are surprised to see in front of us a person who is far from the ideals we have depicted, but who is uninhibited and impudent.
And here comes the epiphany! The woman who stole your loved one is simply devoid of complexes! She probably doesn’t think about how she will look if she does this or that, she is not afraid to be a little spontaneous and a little frivolous. She really doesn’t care that anyone thinks she’s ridiculous! Perhaps it is precisely the fact that she stands out so much for her courage and ability to be herself and attracts men to her?
There are lessons to be learned from everything, and from breakups too. It is possible to survive unrequited love. If this separation teaches you to be open and deprives you of complexes, then your mental tossing was not in vain. The most important thing is to understand and accept the fact that you have not yet found true love. And even if it seems to you that this particular man was the one, try to let new feelings into your heart.
Yesterday's defeat is often a stepping stone to tomorrow's victory. You can become depressed and dwell on your shortcomings, cry about lost hopes and love. Or you can become wiser and stronger. As a rule, when you come to your senses after separation, you try to change, but still for the sake of him... You imagine how your ex will meet you on the street and not recognize you! He will bite his elbows, he will realize his mistake!
As you change, you don’t notice that, in fact, you no longer care about the opinion of the very one for whom you started all this. You don’t need him and you don’t even care about the fact that he broke up with the one who, according to him, was the woman of his whole life!
You don’t need him because you have risen to a higher level, you are surrounded by other people, you have other interests. Everything that was connected with your ex-lover– this is yesterday!
Just recently you almost hated him for leaving you, but today you tell him - thank you... For making you become brave, become strong and confident, and also realize that you have not yet met your true love!
How to overcome unrequited love for a guy and make him fall in love with you
Feminine charm and beauty
Unrequited love cannot go unnoticed and pass quickly, like an acute respiratory infection or a cold. Experiencing unrequited love is not easy for both men and women. Only now the stronger sex steps aside and prefers to suffer, silently and alone, practically not telling anyone about it and pretending that nothing is happening. Whereas representatives of the fairer sex prefer to act and use all their charm and beauty as a weapon. But before you decide to take certain actions that will subsequently lead to desired result, you need to understand, do you really need this person? Further actions depend on your answer.
If you nevertheless gave a positive answer to the question, then you need to show your chosen one all your insecurity and need for him. A man simply cannot help but react to this; if he feels that you really need his strong shoulder, he will immediately come running to your aid.
It often happens that you do not personally know the man you like. What to do in such cases? In such situations, you need to think and remember whether you have common acquaintances, if so, then the problem is almost solved. And when meeting in a common company, you just need to find some common points of contact, for example, common interests. If you don’t have mutual friends, then you’ll have to act completely differently. They can come to help social media. This is of course not the best option, but still. And the same sign works there, you need to find common topics for conversation, etc.
Productive collaboration
Another one in a good way to survive unrequited love is to have some kind of work together. You can ask the person you like to help you, for example, with an event. Joint work always brings even the most different people together.
Have you ever wondered: How to fall in love? young man?. And now you have received the answer to the question you asked. Now everything depends solely on you and your wisdom. The main thing to remember is that there is nothing stronger than a weak woman.
How to overcome unrequited love for a girl
If you are concerned about this question, then you have also been visited by a feeling familiar to many - unrequited love. Everyone carries the burden of this feeling differently. Some quietly suffer alone, not trying to change anything, others drive away dreams of their beloved, and still others try with all their might to make their dream come true and win the favor of their beloved girl. The best way to survive unrequited love - to win a girl's heart.
· Do not play the victim and do not torture others with your suffering. Many people simply won't understand you. Most likely, you will have to listen to ridicule or condemnation.
· Don't pursue the object of your love. In this case, you will only generate negative feelings in her soul, which are never destined to develop into love.
· Cultivate in yourself the idea that even if this girl will never be with you, she is not the last representative of the fair sex on earth. Perhaps soon you will actually meet your soul mate.
· Look around, there is probably someone nearby who is ready to respond to your feeling right now.
· Lead active life and don't isolate yourself. This way you definitely won’t get anyone to love you.
What to do to make a girl notice you
If you decide to pursue the object of your love, follow these tips on how to make a girl fall in love.
· Be patient.
· Find common ground with the object of your love. It is necessary to make sure that you have the opportunity to communicate.
· When you achieve this goal, begin to act, but first - carefully, so as not to push it away with your pressure and to make sure that reciprocal feelings are possible.
· Make her notice you. When meeting someone, the first thing everyone pays attention to is the person’s appearance and clothing. Pay attention to your appearance, maybe there is something wrong with him?
· Exude confidence. Girls love strong-willed and confident men.
· But at the same time, be careful and caring. Not necessarily to her. If you show care and attention to someone else in her presence, she will still pay attention to it, and an additional plus will appear on your account.
· It's good if you have a good sense of humor. Girls appreciate it. They are flattered if their boyfriend is considered the life of the party.
· If a girl pays attention to you, do not rush to her with confession. Keep her interested, but start getting closer.
· And if you tried and even surpassed yourself, and the girl is still not interested in you, perhaps she simply does not deserve you. Believe me, you will still meet your soul mate. In this case, to survive unrequited love, stop all contact with her and start meeting other girls.
Unrequited love is a deep emotional attachment to a person who does not reciprocate or gives false hopes. Despite the fact that a person in love romanticizes his feelings and presents them as something bright and pure, they often cause the development of a severe depressive state, sometimes accompanied by somatic manifestations. Often, unrequited love leads to the development of some harmful or destructive habits - alcoholism or drug addiction. Also, a person unrequitedly in love can suffer from sleep disorders, digestive problems, and neurosis.
Is it possible to get rid of unrequited love?
It is possible to get rid of unrequited love, but for this a person must be ready to step over himself and hope for romantic relationship.
It is worth understanding that you need to stop loving a woman or man for your own sake. This relationship will not bring anything good if it was clear from the very beginning that there is no reciprocity in it. Without realizing the inevitability of parting with the object of your feelings, you will not be able to get rid of them.
First, you need to figure out whether it is really impossible to build any alliance with this person. If a girl or guy is sincerely interested in her admirer or communication between people in a couple is ambiguous, then it is worth finding out directly whether there is a possibility of developing a romantic relationship. You need to ask carefully about the intentions of the object of your love, without claims or demands, and give a quick answer.
It is important to clarify the situation, since, having decided to stop loving a woman or a man, a person must refuse communication and break all ties. There should be no doubts or thoughts that some kind of romantic relationship is possible with the object of love. If they remain, then it will not be possible to get rid of the painful feelings. The decision must be meaningful and final. At the same time, it doesn’t matter who people are to each other: a broken couple or unfamiliar friends - contact must be limited forever.
There is no need to continue communicating with your girlfriend or boyfriend. IN otherwise the condition will only get worse. You shouldn’t give yourself a reason to doubt your decision or look for reasons to keep in touch. Even if your loved one is eager to communicate, there is no need to give in to his requests.
After all contacts have been severed, you should fill your life with new impressions. You need to try to interest yourself in something: find something you like, meet other people, do something that you have long planned. It is also worth immersing yourself in work or study. Keeping busy will distract a person and help him stop suffering.
Often, in order to more easily survive a breakup with a beloved partner, people try to find a replacement for him. But you can’t do that. It may harm another person. It is worth starting a new relationship only when the old ones are forgotten.
A girl who is unrequitedly in love with a man, or a man who is in love with a girl, can try to spend more time with friends. It will be easier to be distracted from your condition in company. If this helps, then you should resort to psychological assistance friends more often. When this tires a person, you should not force yourself to communicate with them. In such a situation, you need to be alone with yourself.
It is important to set yourself up so that feelings are perceived as a temporary phenomenon. You cannot think that love for a person is eternal. This only makes the situation worse and prolongs the suffering. The perception of one’s own feelings plays a huge role. You need to convince yourself that this state will soon be overcome.
How to prove to a girl that you love her
How to distract yourself from your feelings?
To forget about own feelings, you must first get rid of all the “beacons” from the past:
- 1. You need to throw away things related to the object of your love: letters, cards, gifts, clothes, and the like.
- 2. You should not remind yourself of some incidents that took place when the couple was together. If you feel bad about throwing away an item, you can donate it or give it to someone.
- 3. You should not return to places associated with your loved one. Imagining pictures from the past and resuming them in memory, a person dooms himself to suffering, which can develop into severe depression.
- 4. There is also no need to watch movies or listen to musical compositions that are related to the subject of your sympathy.
- 5. It is recommended to at least temporarily refuse contacts with mutual friends, especially if that girl or that man maintains a warm and close relationship with them.
- 6. You need to stop telling your friends about your loved one. You should get rid of this habit urgently. In this case, it does not matter what the lover says or to whom about the subject of his feelings. You should try to get both the good and the bad out of your head.
It is important to remember that holding on to objects and events from the past will not help you get rid of it. We need to overcome ourselves and take a step towards the future, alleviating our suffering in the present time.
A specialist will help you overcome unrequited feelings. By contacting a psychologist, a person can count on professional help. But do not forget that to rid yourself of Not mutual love Only the patient himself can.
Advice from psychologists to help get rid of unrequited feelings:
- 1. Try to understand yourself and understand why a psychological attachment to a specific man or woman appeared. Very often the patient does not experience falling in love or love. He's just holding on ex-partner, afraid to be alone.
- 2. Understand what a person wants to receive in the future. Everyone has a goal to focus on. Often people associate their dreams with being in the life of a particular guy or girl. It is important to let the patient understand that his desires can be realized without the participation of anyone else.
- 3. Make sure that the person also has shortcomings. Lovers idealize their partners, turning a blind eye to their significant disadvantages. It is necessary to understand that real men and women cannot be what they appear to be. Feelings make you see an ideal partner who has no flaws, but in reality this is not at all the case.
Count on the fact that a psychologist can get rid of thisproblems immediately snap your fingers, it's not worth it. He will only give some advice, recommend something from personal and professional experience. Only the person himself can help himself. N OK consultation with a specialist helps improve the patient’s condition. To do this, you need to set yourself up to get rid of the hope of restoring a relationship with a person who does not show mutual sympathy.
Every person strives to love and be loved, but sometimes these two desires do not coincide. Unrequited love becomes a source of strong experiences and... However, even such a situation carries with it the opportunity for internal growth and self-improvement.
What is unrequited love?
Poets and writers, artists and directors talk about love as a kind of sacrament that is impossible to fully understand. Strong feeling falling in love can come at a completely unexpected moment and subjugate all thoughts and desires. At some point, the lover begins to realize that another person has become the center of his universe, with his own inner world and desires. Captivated by thoughts about another, a lover tries to be closer to the object of his passion, see him, hear him, spend time with him, make his life better.
A lover always strives to evoke reciprocal love in the object of his passion. Only at first it may seem that reciprocity is not so important: just to be close to your loved one. But over time, unrequited love becomes a burden for a person, depletes his strength, and occupies all his thoughts. Therefore, the emotional intensity of unrequited love can be much stronger and last longer than.
Unrequited love in psychology
The famous father of psychoanalysis, Erich Fromm, wrote that real love necessarily evokes reciprocity. He called on all people to learn to love correctly and called love an art. Understanding the reasons why love is unrequited and does not evoke a response in the heart of another, Fromm talks about human laziness, selfishness and lack of education in this matter. Modern psychologists view love as a totality chemical reactions caused by a number of factors.
In order for a feeling of love to arise, a number of signs that have a certain importance for him must coincide in a person’s head. Such signs can be: appearance, voice timbre and intonation, similarity to one of the parents, manners, smell, situations, etc. That is, for mutual love, the desired picture must coincide between two people. Unrequited love can be defined as a feeling caused by the idea of only one person and the lack of necessary matches for the other.
Why does unrequited love happen?
Unrequited strong love may have different reasons:
- low self-esteem, which prevents a person from showing his best side;
- selfishness, as a result of which the lover focuses on his feelings and is unable to understand the desires and needs of his love object;
- the victim program, which constantly leads a person into situations in which he must suffer and suffer;
- inability to communicate with the opposite sex;
- inability to love another person, understand, hear;
- inability to present oneself, to show one’s best qualities;
- discrepancy between partners’ views on life;
- differences between partners in character, interests, intellectual level.
Unrequited feelings are spoken of with a negative intonation. At the same time, we should not forget what unrequited love teaches. It can tell a person that he needs to change, change some of his views or habits. Long-term unrequited love helps a person become more patient, loving, understanding, and caring.
Unrequited love - signs
When trying to find the answer to the question of how to know that love is unrequited, you should remember that the situation can change. Unrequited love today can become mutual tomorrow. Therefore, you should not be upset and give up on relationships that may become closer in the future. Although psychologists name signs of unrequited love, they always note that every relationship is special and you should not perceive all signs as one hundred percent suitable for a particular case. We are talking about the following signs of unrequited love:
- the partner does not strive to spend as much time together as possible;
- the lover or beloved does not want to introduce the partner to his friends;
- a loved one avoids talking about relationships, does not want to determine the status of the relationship;
- the partner does not seek physical contact;
- a loved one does not show affection and tenderness;
- There is always a certain lack of agreement in relationships.
Can unrequited love become reciprocated?
Unrequited love is very painful and often raises the question of how to survive unrequited love. Seeing a loved one next to you and not being able to create a full-fledged relationship with him is difficult and painful. Even in this hopeless situation, there is a ray of hope: an unrequited feeling can evoke a response in the heart of a loved one. Practical experience shows that many married couples have developed from relationships in which at first only one person was in love. Whether love can bear fruit depends not only on the circumstances, but also on the efforts, wisdom and strength of love of the lover.
Unrequited love - what to do?
Unrequited love for a man or woman is a reason to look inside yourself and try to understand why love does not have a response. The following tips can help achieve reciprocity:
- you need to learn to listen to your partner and understand him;
- talk more often about what interests your partner;
- find common activities or hobbies;
- try to join the company of your loved one;
- find out what character qualities appeal to your loved one and develop them in yourself.
Many people who have experienced unrequited love say that although they suffered from these feelings, they were happy with their love. If it becomes difficult to be in such a state, you can use the following advice from psychologists on how to survive unrequited love:
- try to be in society more often;
- You shouldn’t often think about how to deal with unrequited love; it’s better to distract yourself from all thoughts about this with the help of communication and interesting hobbies;
- look at your love as an opportunity to receive pleasant emotions;
- understand that after time a person begins to look at his past differently and can be glad that reciprocity with that particular person did not arise;
- remember that time dulls all pain.
Unrequited love - consequences
Strong unrequited love often leaves memories that last a lifetime. What this memory will be like depends on how the person’s fate will develop in the future. A happy family, a loved one will allow you to remember unrequited love in the past with a touch of light sadness. Unsuccessful relationships in the present will make you think of past non-reciprocal love as a lost chance. The consequences of non-reciprocal love will depend only on the person himself, who must draw conclusions from the situation and create the right attitude towards it.
What does the church say about unrequited love?
According to Christian tradition, all love is from God. From this point of view, pure unrequited love is a chance for a person to show his best qualities for the sake of another person. Biblical love is agape love, altruistic, not demanding anything in return. God loves man with such love. Unrequited love teaches a person humility, patience and service for the benefit of other people.
Books about unrequited love
Non-reciprocal love is comprehensively described in many works of fiction. Books about unrequited love help you better understand yourself and the current situation. To the top best books This topic includes:
- Margaret Mitchell "Gone with the Wind". The main character struggles all her life with her unrequited love and only at the end of her life does she realize that she has actually been in love with another person for a long time.
- Francis Fitzgerald "The Great Gatsby". The book is based on a plot about the unrequited love of a rich man, who all his life dreams only of seeing his beloved at least sometimes.
- Stefan Zweig "Letter from a Stranger". Lifelong love - this is the plot of this work. The unsuspecting man will only find out many years later how dearly he was loved all this time.
