A person needs love from birth. Psychologists believe that this is our basic need. Lack of love or its absence can have a negative impact on the mental and emotional development child. But even as adults we do not lose this basic need, and for this reason we build relationships with people of the opposite sex. When we love, it is natural that we expect reciprocity. But not everyone gets it, and this often leads to mental suffering. Is it worth continuing a relationship in which the love is not mutual, and what should you do in this case? Let's consider.
What is love to you?
IN modern society Unfortunately, there has been a substitution of concepts and many young and even mature people confuse love with being in love, although these are different concepts. Falling in love - strong feeling, which is caused by biochemical reactions occurring in the body. Falling in love can flare up and fade away many times throughout life. But it is not love. The maximum duration of a biochemical reaction is 2-3 years, and if you base relationships only on this fragile feeling, it is not surprising that they collapse. Falling in love is short-lived, and only real love capable of becoming a solid basis for long-term relationships.
Therefore, if you find yourself in a situation where you are not reciprocated, you need, first of all, to answer the question: what is love for you? When you understand this, it will be easier for you to look into the future and you will know what to do. It is possible to fall in love with a person who does not reciprocate your feelings. Falling in love is based on sympathy, but love is something more complex.
What is love?
In fact, everything is very simple. Love is not so much a feeling as it is a decision made. U true love there are several qualities that describe her.
- Love is unconditional, unlike falling in love. Falling in love is a feeling that arises from sympathy, good attitude, passion, mutual attraction and emotional comfort. Love arises regardless of any conditions. It’s just that at some point a person consciously decides to love, care, be close, support, regardless of who the object of love is.
- Love is selfless. And this quality also distinguishes it from falling in love. If falling in love requires constant giving from a partner, then love is the opposite - it concentrates on giving. It is this quality that allows people to live and love without reciprocity, and at the same time not feel unhappy.
- Love is sacrificial, and in this it is similar to falling in love. Falling in love sacrifices something in order to be close to the object at which it is directed. Love sacrifices something in order to make the object towards which it is directed happy.
What to do if the love is not mutual?
If it is love and not infatuation, you will not suffer from not receiving reciprocity. The mechanism of love is quite simple - it is aimed at giving. But if love turns out to be non-reciprocal, the person will be doomed to emotional suffering.
Unreciprocated love is not really a reason to end a relationship. It is important to understand that love gives more than it receives, and it can cover the shortfall of what it receives. Therefore, if you love, but do not receive the same in return, it is not a hopeless situation. As you know, we can only give what we have received. And if a person does not love, perhaps he himself was once deprived of love, real, selfless and unconditional. Such a person needs to receive healing, be filled with love, and only after that he will be able to carry it and give it.
If you love your partner, but he doesn't love you back, things can change. Just love, give love without expecting anything in return and wait. The Universe is designed in this way - it returns to a person everything that he gives, but only in large sizes. Just as a thousand of the same can grow from one sunflower seed, so the seed of love sown by you will bear fruit and return to you! Don't forget about it, be patient and enjoy love!
Non-reciprocal love is not uncommon at all times; moreover, it occurs much more often than shared love. It is accompanied by stronger emotional emotions and experiences, unlike mutual ones. Often brings painful feelings, disappointment, resentment, depression. All senses become vulnerable and heightened. How to behave, what to do if you suffer unrequited love?
Why does such love arise?
In our minds we draw an image of a person who could become our partner in life. We idealize him, and then we try to transfer these created traits inherent in our ideal to the person who is attractive to us, interesting, and to whom we are deeply not indifferent. In other words, meeting the man of your dreams is not realistic, but that’s how we want to see him. Therefore, it is quite understandable that the person we meet on the path of life does not at all possess the qualities of the ideal that we imagined. This main mistake: we love not a real person with his advantages and disadvantages, but a fictitious, invented one.
Watching films with unrequited love, we see that they almost always end happy ending, love becomes mutual. But in life, unfortunately, everything is different and can end sadly. A person, experiencing unrequited love, becomes a victim, accepting all conditions in order to be closer to his sympathy. However, he will not receive love in return. All this leads to stress, aggression, irritability, dissatisfaction with oneself, and prolonged depression.
The consequences of unrequited love can be the most sad and unpredictable depending on age. Such love poses a danger to the fragile psyche of adolescents. How can you help with in this case? Often, teenagers fall in love with celebrities: artists, athletes, singers, transferring their idealized image onto them. They begin to delusion, they have fantasies that are completely far from reality. Experiencing and experiencing such love, it begins to seem to them that divided love does not exist at all.
Some parents ignore this fact special attention, hoping that the problem will resolve itself. However, this can only aggravate the situation and lead to undesirable consequences, so it is really necessary to help with reasonable advice. What else can you do to help a teenager? How to deal with this feeling? We need to redirect the child’s attention to something interesting. exciting activity, hobbies, spend more time together, make sure the teenager communicates more with classmates and peers. This will help distract you from unrealistic dreams and fantasies.
If unrequited love overtakes an adult, it is a little more difficult to cope with it, because the personality is formed, the psyche is healthy and is aware of all the subtleties of the situation.
What effective techniques will help you get rid of love without reciprocity?
- We must admit to ourselves, looking reality in the face, that all attempts are useless and will not work desired result. To heal, you simply need to come to terms with it and stop living in illusions.
- We must learn to live differently, filling every minute of our life with interesting things and communicating with friends. To get distracted and not think about the object of your adoration, you need to keep yourself busy.
- You will find positive emotions by signing up for courses, seminars, sections, fitness, gym, swimming pool, dancing. You can find some kind of part-time job to keep you busy in your free time.
It has been proven that time will pass, and you will remember your passion and non-reciprocal love only with a smile. But this time must pass.
Everyone dreams of happy love. This bright and tender feeling makes our life meaningful. But unfortunately, it happens in life that some people have problems in relationships, one of these difficulties is non-reciprocal love. How to survive it? So what should I do?
Lessons in the Senses
Before letting go of one-sided love, it is important to understand what lesson it brings to you. Everything in the world has a reason. And if there are certain situations in your life, then they teach you something. And the main thing is to understand this, adjust your beliefs and start living differently.
The main lesson of unrequited feelings, in my opinion, is unconditional love and giving. When you love another not because he is nearby, but just because. When you wish him well. And you don’t get angry because your feelings are not mutual, you don’t demand anything from this person, you just live and give this person your feelings. At least on the energy level.
At the same time, she teaches to love without becoming attached. The ability to let people go. At the same time, live your own life, develop and be a self-sufficient person. Don’t close yourself off from the world, don’t become depressed, but move forward without giving up contacts with other people.
In some cases, non-reciprocal love indicates that this person is not suited to your destiny. And he needs to be released. Since you have no compatibility. Perhaps your feelings are your fantasy. You fell in love not with the person himself, but with the image that you came up with. And confuse true feelings with false ones.
Unrequited feelings can also come when you are afraid of a full-fledged relationship on a conscious or subconscious level. If you have one, find your fears and replace them with beliefs about preparedness. Open your heart.
In addition, if you are dating a one-sided love, most likely you have the fear that no one loves me, that you are not worthy of reciprocation. In this case, it is recommended to change your thoughts and reprogram your subconscious to positive attitudes. It is important to value yourself, accept and develop confidence and belief that you deserve the best.
Is love really not mutual?
One-sided feelings can also teach action. Before you give up, take a few steps towards the person, if he is free, of course. You shouldn’t destroy someone’s relationship, because you can’t build happiness on this, and then retribution will come.
Express yourself in courtship, in seduction. Study books on the topic of love, for example pickup... Just unobtrusively. Playfully. It will work out, my man, if it doesn’t work out, then it’s not destiny.
Even if nothing happens, at least you won't blame yourself for inaction.
If the person doesn’t pay attention to your steps and makes you understand that he doesn’t need you, let him go.
How to survive non-reciprocal love and let it go?
It all starts with acceptance. You accept your feelings and this situation, and allow it to be as long as necessary, without getting hung up. You live full life, realizing themselves in other areas. You don’t feel sorry for yourself, but realize the fact that since it came, it means it’s necessary. You learn your lesson, let go and move on.
I recommend doing forgiveness practices. For example, write several letters to a person who does not return your feelings. And then burn them. Forgive yourself, him/her and God (the Universe) in these letters. Better on the waning moon.
Release the pain. Don't suppress it. If you want to cry, allow yourself to do so. Give yourself a few days to let go of the pain through tears, for example.
Released? Well done. Now go ahead. Remember that your main purpose is to make yourself happy. So don't let non-reciprocal love destroy you, live, enjoy life. There are so many interesting things in it.
Simple ways to let go of one-sided feelings
Here are some interesting areas you might want to look into. They are useful and interesting:
1. Spiritual development
2. Travel
3. Creativity
4. Training
5. New acquaintances
6. Sports
7. Healthy lifestyle
8. Work
9. Help others
10. Dream
11. Nature
What to do if it doesn't work out
Well, first of all, it’s important to believe that it will work out. If you can’t cope with non-reciprocal love on your own, if you don’t have the strength to survive it, consult a psychologist.
Or do rituals to let the person go. For example, I'll cool it off for myself. Or just appropriate meditations.
Find strength within yourself. If it doesn’t work out, it means you’re not internally mature man, fixated on the love sphere, not seeing other meanings. This means you have high self-confidence and your fear of not loving me is too great. Let go. Become self-sufficient. Choose spiritual and personal growth.
And when you develop spiritually, happy love will come into your life. The main thing is to believe that you deserve it...)
It's disgusting: missing someone who doesn't miss you at all. (Janusz Wisniewski “Loneliness on the Internet”).
Saying that there is no difference between mutual love and non-reciprocal love is the same as equating wine and wine with poison. Anton Evpatievsky
Mutual love is not thoughts inside the head. Rather, these are the thoughts of a second person, so dear and warm. – Eric Byrne
You're wrong. And this is not love at all. Take my hand. Feel it. Feel me. Here it is, your love, very close. F. Sagan
The human spirit dies at the very moment when feelings cease to excite, and there is no place for mistakes and love in the human heart. – Goethe
I don't want to hold her by force. I'll give it to someone else. It doesn’t matter who she’s with – nothing is more important than her happiness. And I... can withstand this pain. The main thing is that she smiles...From the movie “Forever Yours”
If they don’t reciprocate my love, I suffer more than when I can’t find water in the morning after drinking too much. From the series “Cream”
loving person can cause the most severe pain... He knows where to hit. And love dies.
Read more quotes on the following pages:
We say “I fell out of love” when we are afraid to admit our feelings.
Without falling in love, you cannot come to the conclusion that love does not exist.
I only saw her once. Maybe that’s why I love her all my life... A. Vampilov
Loneliness is when a person has no one to tell him that he is lonely...
Love opens up for you new world, even unhappy. – statuses about unrequited love
“It often happens that after a woman has given away the key to her heart, she changes the lock the next day.” – Ch. Sainte-Beuve.
I don't understand why they call it heartbreak. It feels like all the bones are broken too. Jared Leto
“Absence reduces moderate love and increases strong love, just as the wind extinguishes a candle and fans the fire.” – La Rochefoucauld
We say “It’s over between us” when everything is just beginning.
Loneliness is when those you love are happy without you.
At school we were taught that one plus one always equals two. But it is not always the case. Sometimes one plus one equals one. For those cases when one plus one equals one, a special word was even invented. This is the word love. From the series “Life”
“My friend, doesn’t it occur to you that there is only one thing in the world that she loves more than you? Try to understand: precisely because she truly loves you, she wants to give you something that she loves even more. And I will tell you why she sheds tears: because you lack the courage to bring her the same gift in return.” John Fowles 'The French Lieutenant's Mistress.'
And I drink to forget that they forgot about me.
“It’s so easy to die, but so hard to live. It's so easy to lose love and so hard to keep it. But it’s even more difficult to pretend that you are indifferent to the little man whom your heart madly loves...”
We often say “I don’t love you,” but tears flow in our souls.
Often we say “I hate” just so that we ourselves believe it.
“You may be just a person in this world, but for someone you are the whole world.” – Gabriel Garia Marquez
“Love is the difference between two, which, however, are completely indifferent to each other. The feeling and consciousness of this identity is love.” – Hegel
“The image of the beloved cannot grow old, for every moment is the hour of its birth.” – Goethe
“From love is born love.” – Sophocles
“Every person carries in the depths of his self a small cemetery where those he loved are buried.” – Rolland
We “Hope” when there is no chance.
We “Wait” when we know that we have already been forgotten.
Unrequited love is useful for a poet's notebook: it fills the pages, emptying his soul.
We say “I forgot you” when the thought of a person cannot leave our heads.
We ask to be “Left Alone” when we need someone’s support.
We say “Go away” so that the person does not see our tears.
I always dreamed of seeing in her eyes the love that is in mine. And today, finally, I saw her. But she is not for me... From the movie “Everything happens in life”
“Love is more honest than trust, because even a deceived lover deserves not pity, but surprise and respect. Love never looks stupid, but trust always does if it is not combined with love.” – Platonov
When we meet a special person, we give him all our time, he absorbs all our thoughts, and every time we have to lose him... Cecilia Ahern
“Forgive me, my love. I'm sorry, my dear, that I loved you and wanted to be with you. Forgive me, my love, Someday I too will forgive that you didn’t love, that you didn’t love me.” if a person doesn’t see that you love him or doesn’t want to notice, then it’s not destiny to be with him.
There is no such thing as unrequited love!
“Love immediately guesses love that has already arisen, or glimpses its possibility, its probability.” – M. Edgeworth
A true friend will always be better than his girlfriend, so she can betray you and cheat on you. And a true friend always faithful and will help in difficult times!
“It always seems to us that they love us because we are good. But we don’t realize that they love us because those who love us are good.” – L. Tolostoy
But I’m always there, but you don’t see me... and then it will be too late when you understand what I mean to you, but I’ll just leave..
The subscriber cannot accept your love. Unknown author
He doesn’t text me, doesn’t stroke my cheek, doesn’t ask how I’m doing…. but for his sake I want to live... - statuses about unrequited love
We say “Never” when we know it will happen again.
It's amazing how much grief people have to bring to each other before they finally become happy - if they're very lucky. Mikhail Weller
There is no such thing as non-reciprocal love. Artem Nio
She doesn't need anyone. Now another unnecessary boy is holding her hand, and she just looks into the distance. Into the void, and remembers how he did it...
Believe me, it is sad and painful to see love that, because of you, is destined to remain unrequited. J. Tolkien
“No amount of pretense can hide love where it exists, nor express it where it does not exist.” – La Rochefoucauld
Unrequited love is the longest.
Unrequited love is when you remember something that he doesn't even know about.
We “Dream” knowing that it will never happen.
“Respect has limits, love never does.” – Hugo
“The heart is in balance only on a razor’s edge.” – Pierre Reverdy
Often we say “goodbye” in the hope of seeing the person again.
Loving someone who loves you is narcissism. Loving someone who doesn't love you, that's love. Frederic Beigbeder
“The opposite of love is not disgust or even indifference, but a lie” - S. Dovlatov.
Every night I fall asleep repeating the same thought: you don’t love me. so that it doesn’t suddenly seem different.
... it’s even strange how your heart can hurt because someone didn’t look at you! Charlotte Bronte
The most heartbreaking way to miss someone is to be with them and realize that they will never be yours. – statuses about unrequited love
There are two people who don't need each other, but one of them doesn't understand it yet - statuses about unrequited love
Sometimes we cannot say “I love you” when we are afraid to hear the answer.
“Those incapable of love are prone to sentimentality, just as those incapable of brotherhood are prone to familiarity.” – F. Iskander
We say “I deleted his/her number” when we remember it by heart.
“Love forgives everything except voluntary absence” - Stendhal
You only express well the love you don’t feel...
If we can still love those who made us suffer, then our love only becomes stronger.
“Love runs away from those who chase it, and falls on the necks of those who run away.” – W. Shakespeare.
Love is never perfect. I don't want to erase her from my life. I love my pain. She is my friend. Jim carrey
Love is not mutual - an unpleasant feeling from which no one is immune. It’s not for nothing that the saying “you can’t be nice by force” has appeared in our everyday life since ancient times. No one wants to be in the role of a person whose love was rejected. But still, this situation arises in life quite often. How to survive this tragedy with minimal losses for yourself, how to stop worrying and getting upset - read this article.
Love or Addiction
Does non-reciprocal love exist? The answer to this question is clear: of course! And there are plenty of examples of this. Most poems, songs, novels and films are devoted to the theme of unrequited love. It is interesting for us to observe how the heroes of popular works cope with the problem. But what to do if you yourself find yourself in a similar situation?
Mutual love heals the most terrible spiritual wounds, inspires and gives a person a complete feeling of happiness. However, love is often not reciprocated. Sad statistics show that almost every second person is faced with a situation in his life when feelings do not coincide.
Some people know how to switch gears and easily endure this tragedy. Others may be stuck in a state of suffering for a long time.
Psychologists share the feeling and love addiction. True love- this is a free feeling. A loving person is able to calmly accept a refusal, because he accepts the object of his adoration as he is, without expecting anything in return. It's a pity, but this is very rare.
In most cases, non-reciprocal love causes very contradictory and discomfort. Suffering in the event of a loved one’s refusal means that a person becomes morally dependent on the object of his adoration. In this case, you need to take certain actions to regain the joy of life, open up to new feelings and avoid the problems associated with constant depression.
First, it is important to figure out what you have: or If your feeling gives you only pleasant emotions, you are lucky, you are able to love with free love. Feeling uncomfortable means that you are dependent on the person you have feelings for.
Psychologists have long been sounding the alarm: non-reciprocal love leads to depressive disorders, which do not have the most favorable effect on human health.
What not to do
How to get rid of non-reciprocal love? First of all, you need to try to avoid common mistakes that can only aggravate the situation.
Try to pull yourself together. Tears and self-pity will not change anything. All you will get is a swollen face, red eyes and tired general form. Moreover, such a reaction to the situation will bring nothing but negativity; you will not be able to tune in and make the right decision.
Loneliness during this period is not for you! Try to be among friends: communicate, walk together, do common things in all your free time.
Don't eat your depression. Except extra pounds and food addiction, gluttony will no longer bring any results.
Where to start healing
The very first thing you need to do is understand that only you can help yourself. No one else but yourself can overcome the sadness, pain and disappointment associated with being rejected.
Psychologists recommend: start living a full life. Make every effort to ensure that every moment of your life is not wasted. Try to “switch” from your bitter thoughts to something new and previously unknown to you. For example, join a fitness club, start drawing, learn languages, go dancing...
Make a rule: every day before going to bed, sum up your new achievements. Over time, you will learn to enjoy your successes, and this is essential. Be sure that your changes are in better side will not go unnoticed, and soon a person with whom you will have mutual feelings will appear in your environment.
Burn your bridges
How to survive non-reciprocal love? The best way defeating her means forgetting the person who rejected your feelings. This is not difficult to do if you follow certain rules.
- Remove from your sight the gifts, photographs, and trinkets dear to your heart that you received while communicating with this person.
- Stop people around you from feeling sorry for you. Stop discussing and resenting unaccepted feelings. Stop any stories from your acquaintances about the person you are trying to forget.
- If some music gives you painful associations associated with unrequited feelings, remove it and don’t listen to it.
- Avoid places that can bring back memories and bitter thoughts associated with this situation.
Non-reciprocal love will quickly fade into the background if you take these tips responsibly and protect yourself from everything that may remind you of what happened.
Pamper yourself
A person who gets rid of disappointment associated with needs bright, positive emotions. Don’t be afraid to pamper yourself, give yourself what you like, what can bring a smile to your face and give you joy.
Take some time for yourself. Visit a beauty salon, do fashionable manicure, new hairstyle. At home, you can limit yourself to a bubble bath and a face mask. The main thing is to enjoy the process, become better and more confident.
Go shopping and give yourself a gift, buy something you've been dreaming of for a long time.
Such actions significantly increase self-esteem. If you want to be loved, love yourself first. Treat yourself as your dearest and most beloved person. This approach works wonders: by radiating joy and self-confidence, you will attract a lot of positive emotions into your life.
Fight fire with fire
Remember: non-reciprocal love is a temporary nuisance. Take a closer look - you are surrounded by many people who want to communicate with you. Let new people into your life, show interest in them, because who knows, maybe your destiny is among them.
Try to avoid getting into psychological dependence from unrequited love.
If you see that the person you have feelings for does not reciprocate, don’t wait, start acting immediately. The faster you take control of your destiny, the faster you will “get well” and begin to enjoy life again.
