Friends are special people. We can be frank with them. We can always rely on them. In their company we feel calm and relaxed. Communication with them gives strength. Friends give us something that we cannot find in a family where we are surrounded by business and worries. We become most attached to our childhood and youth friends. We are ready to spend days with them. But then we start a family, we have children, and there is no time left for friends. The environment is changing, old friends are being replaced by colleagues, partners, and friends. But can relationships with them become as close as those we had with our childhood friends? If not, where can I find friends?
How to find new friends?
After 30 years, people reconsider their social circle, limit the number of interests and connections, and strive to focus on life “here and now.” “We try to pay attention first of all to what is emotionally significant to us,” explains Laura Carstensen, professor of psychology at Stanford University (USA). “We prefer to spend time with our children instead of going to another party or going shopping with friends.”
Early in life we search for ourselves, and this affects how we form new connections. For example, extroverts become close to people who they feel reflect different sides their character, while introverts, on the contrary, try to find in others what they lack. But by the age of 30, the personality becomes fully formed. We are comfortable within existing boundaries, but new relationships risk breaking them.
We communicate with those with whom we can consult, who will support, from whom we can adopt experience, learn something.
Meeting new people is often associated with discomfort, conflicting feelings and mistrust. We are afraid of these feelings - partly because we are afraid of being disappointed in people and withdrawing. But it is not at all necessary to try to transfer to new life the degree of closeness that was with childhood friends, writes Nicole Zangara in the book “Survival female friendship"(Surviving Female Friendships: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly). You need to understand: life has changed, and with it expectations and opportunities.
Friendship comes in different forms
According to Laura Carstensen, at 30 we perceive friendship differently than at 18. In others, we more often look for what is close to us. We communicate with those with whom we can consult, who will support, from whom we can adopt experience and learn something. Friends are more likely to be those who are in the same life situation: colleagues, business partners, parents of children with whom our children are friends.
“This is a different kind of relationship than the emotional attachments that form in childhood,” says Nicole Zangara. “But they can become no less valuable to us.” Mature friendships have their advantages: we are less vulnerable, there is more certainty in the relationship, and this allows us to more freely choose our distance and distribute roles.”
But what about another problem - lack of free time? According to the Institute for Family and Employment (USA), the majority of women between 25 and 54 years old admit that they free time limited to 90 minutes per day. And 30% of survey participants only have 45 minutes to themselves.
Making friends is never easy, but lonely people find it easier to take risks and decide to change something
“It takes a lot of work to make communication feel casual,” says Zangara. - Maintaining friendships is no less a challenge than making them. "You have your work life, your family and your friends - keeping them all in order is really hard."
What way out can be found? “Organize your time,” Zangara advises. - In friendship, as in everything, regularity is important. Create your own little rituals that will support your relationship. Let's say you can meet once a month, but make the meeting time sacred to you. Let your loved ones know how important these meetings are to you. Plan them in advance - this way you will get more satisfaction from communication.”
If you have a group of interests, create a page on social networks where you can exchange news and interesting finds, and arrange meetings.
Lonely cards in hand
"When it comes to friends, social status more important than age, says Eric Kleinenberg, author of Living Solo. - Making friends is always difficult, but lonely people find it easier to take risks and decide to change something. I interviewed different people. Someone goes on a trip alone and makes many new acquaintances there. Some people sign up for yoga or dance classes. For some, after a divorce or children growing up, a period of “second youth” begins, when the number of connections only grows.”
Today we have much more opportunities to make friends, Eric Kleinenberg points out: “One of the ideas of the book is that now social life much less limited by age. The main limitation, in essence, is one’s own unwillingness to crawl out of the shell and reconsider habits and lifestyle.”
1. Find a new hobby. Go rock climbing, take a photography course, go dancing. This will give you a reason to discuss your interests with strangers.
2. Use social networks. And it’s not just Facebook or Odnoklassniki. There are many thematic networks that bring together people with a variety of goals. For example, Servas and Couchserfing are for those who like to travel and communicate with residents of other countries, Bleat is for vegans and vegetarians, and Catmoji is for cat lovers.
3. Get out of the house more often. Be among people. Talk to your housemates. It is not at all necessary to try to make friends with every interlocutor, but such tactics will help you relax.
4. Don't be afraid to take risks. You will always find opportunities for communication. Be open, show interest, and don't be too serious. Look at new acquaintances as a source of pleasure, and not as a task on your list of personal goals for the year.
5. Invest in relationships.“Friendship requires a constant investment of time and effort,” says Nicole Zangara. “You will receive emotional returns only when you yourself are ready to share your emotions, show attention and patience.”
Lonely people often wonder how to find friends. But they don’t even realize how simple everything really is!
The concept of “friendship” has its own meaning for everyone. For some it is mutual assistance, for others it is the ability to listen and give advice, for others it is a great time spent together.
Friendship can be very different: between two or more people of the same sex or opposite sexes, between relatives, between husband and wife, between those who have never seen each other in real life, between a person and an animal is also friendship! 
And in order to have as many such connections as possible, you need to be a good, kind, sympathetic and unselfish person who has his own interests and personal opinion.
Where to look
Find new friends in modern world very easy due to the development of society and technology.
So, if you have this goal, the following are suitable for you:
- educational institution;
- Job;
- sections, trainings, clubs;
- Internet;
- parties and holidays;
- public places and much, much more.
So, you can meet your best friend both in the parent committee of the kindergarten where you take your child, and in the parking lot where you find it difficult to park your car. 
Old connections will also help you quickly find new friends - dating through someone will accompany you throughout your life.
Start with yourself
What qualities should you have in order to easily find many new acquaintances?
In general, we are all different: some like emotional people, while others like more restrained ones; Some are attracted to impulsive people, while others are attracted to calm and less energetic people.
Therefore, the question of how to find real friends and what needs to be done to get a guaranteed result is impossible to answer unequivocally. 
How to find friends
For communication
You can find friends to communicate both in your own city and in a foreign country. The main thing is that you are interested in each other.
Perhaps you will be united by work, study, the problem of housing and communal services payments, the long absence of a cashier, etc. The main thing is to start a conversation, and then your communication may develop into a real strong friendship!
Important: However, do not rush to tell a stranger all your most secret things. This, of course, will bring you closer to some extent, but no one can guarantee that other people will not find out your secrets (naturally, from your interlocutor).
In order to talk about painful things, you can find a pen pal or chat with a person who has nothing to do with your usual society (for example, an acquaintance from another city). 
By interest
To do this you need:
- sign up for any courses, a thematic club, training, etc. (driving school, manicure training, carving club);
- find a person on the Internet who is similar to you (joined the same group on a social network, with a page decorated with statuses and demotivators that are close to your liking, etc.).
However, in order to find friends of similar interests, you also need to be an open person. So, meeting with one person every day, you talk to him “about nothing” (“How are you?” - “Fine!” - “Oh, and the weather today” - “Yeah ...”).
Or maybe you have a lot in common? To do this, you need to start more narrow communication. You can ask him about something, tell him something of your own, invite him to have lunch together, etc. 
By correspondence
First, you need to register on any dating site (teamo.ru, [email protected], etc.) or on a social network (Vkontakte, Odnoklassniki, etc.).
Design your page well:
- attach a good photo;
- indicate a list of your interests;
- write as much as possible about yourself (as a rule, you don’t need to invent anything for this, but just fill out the proposed questionnaire).
During correspondence, be an interesting and creative interlocutor (to be clear: communication based on just “Hello. How are you?” will most likely end unsuccessfully). Write to your interlocutor sincerely about your wishes to find a good friend. 
After some time, you can call your pen pal using the phone number linked to his page and continue closer communication.
Abroad
It's good if you know foreign languages. Then you can start a conversation with a person of a different nationality, asking him for directions, asking for a light, etc. During the conversation, you can tell him what country you are from and what business you came here for.
Unobtrusively inform him that he is your first acquaintance in this state. If you are interested in him, he will be glad to talk to you, and later he will say that he will be glad to help you on any issue.
If you cannot even connect sentences in a non-native language, then use your eyes and ears: track down your fellow countryman among the foreigners. As a rule, this is not particularly difficult to do in countries that are popular with tourists. And then act according to the situation. 
The main thing is not to be shy: approach the company, tell them that you are alone here and ask permission to join them. Rest assured, our fellow countrymen do not abandon “their own”.
For an adult
It is always easier to find friends when you are young than when you are older.
But this is quite possible, thanks to:
- acquaintances (do not refuse to attend various events to which you are invited);
- Internet (dating sites, social networks, forums, etc. are suitable for you);
- your responsive and interesting nature (help people, communicate in queues, understand people’s psychology, etc.);
- public places (clubs, restaurants).
It happens that adults, without thinking about how to find good friends, find true comrades in completely ordinary life: for example, waiting for a bus at a bus stop, on trains, buying goods in a specialized store (doors, plumbing fixtures, etc.). 
But quite extraordinary cases also happen: a man could not pass by a drunk man in neat clothes lying on the grass on the street, he brought him home and... Oops! Here he is - a true friend, who unsuccessfully celebrated the birth of his son!
company
In order to find a company that will interest you, you should:
- be at any events more often (corporate parties, birthdays, farewell to the army, etc.);
- take part in planned movements (rallies, flash mobs, etc.);
- go to folk festivals (City Day, New Year, Maslenitsa, etc.).
In all these crowded places you meet several people at once, united by common interests.
Another option: ask any of your friends to take you for a walk in the company of their friends. Surely he will not refuse you this.
For traveling
If you are planning to go on a trip, but none of your friends can accompany you, then:
- refer to special sites that are created for single travelers to find friends (Poputchitsa.ru, Makhnem.ru, etc.);
- make acquaintances while you are already on the road (on a bus, plane, hotel, on the beach, etc.).
For short trips suitable option searching for adventures by hitchhiking. This way you will have the opportunity to make a lot of new acquaintances.
Child at school
You yourself can help your child find new friends:
Who is better not to be friends with?
However, there are also people friendly relations which should be avoided. These include:
And in general, it is worth considering that any person who causes you any discomfort (unintentionally humiliates, demands too much, does not lead a lifestyle to which you are accustomed, etc.) is unlikely to become a good friend for you. You're just too different.
- Don't sit on the sidelines. It is more difficult for an introvert to make new acquaintances because it is unlikely that someone will pull his hand to have a good time. Join the company yourself!
- Take everything from life! A bright person who is not afraid to experience new emotions is always interesting to society.
- Don't refuse help. Grateful people make good friends. The only thing is don’t allow yourself to be used.
- Don't be demanding. Remember: no one owes you anything! Nowhere and never.
- Get yourself a dog. This is the most devoted friend who will never leave you! It is clear that she cannot replace your interlocutor, but with her help you will make new acquaintances with other dog walkers walking their pets.
Video: Lessons in Friendliness
In school and student years, one thing was enough to make a new friend interesting conversation or lunch break, and sometimes even a passing acquaintance. The reason is that the strength of the desire to communicate at this age is very high. Over the years, character traits become less flexible, principles become more rigid, there is less free time and it seems that it is difficult to make new friends. But in fact, the main thing is to have a desire.
1. Sharing free time with colleagues.
It seems that this is the fastest and easiest solution to the problem. The positive side is common unifying topics for conversation. Negative side- the likelihood that all friendship will be limited to these conversations. At the same time, psychologists say that thanks to friends at work, stress levels decrease, productivity increases and overall mood improves. Here you should also be careful, because in any job there is envy of a colleague’s success, competition and jealousy.
2. Determine for yourself exactly why you need a friend. For shopping, general hobbies or parties. Thus, you will not waste empty time and the search circle will be significantly narrowed.
3. First eliminate potential friends who are not suitable for you. If at least something in communicating with a person confuses you, you should not hold out hope that he will improve. As a result, you will end up with an insincere friendship and a complicated and unpleasant relationship.
4. If a person flatters and compliments a lot, then you should be wary. And also remember that undisguised jealousy or envy is a fragile foundation for friendship.
6. Where to look for new friends? Everywhere! While walking the dog, in the gym, in line at the clinic, on vacation, in a cafe, in a store. A leisurely conversation can help better friend get to know a friend, and it may be a reason to exchange contacts. Don't forget about the Internet - this is also a good source of finding friends. Forums will help you find friends who have common interests, and social networks will help you reconnect with old acquaintances.
IN kindergarten, at school and at university, friends appear on their own. In 10–20 years you won’t even remember why you became friends. And this is not surprising: at 20 years old we spend 10 to 15 hours a week with friends Bureau of Labor Statistics, U.S. Department of Labor. Time spent in leisure activities in 2014, by gender, age, and educational attainment.. And then we plunge into work, start families... It’s difficult to find time even for morning exercises, let alone for constant meetings.
And it turns out that in the evenings there is no one to even chat with. Some of my friends moved to another city, others had divergent interests. Communication with colleagues and family is not enough.
Comparison of the severity of experienced loneliness of 255 Canadian men and 431 women with the characteristics of their love-romantic, family, friendship and companionship showed that feelings of loneliness are most closely associated with a lack of friendships.
Igor Kon, “Friendship: an ethical and psychological essay”
So many people have to look for new friends. It's not easy because there is no time. Social networks, of course, help maintain acquaintances. But subscribing to someone's news does not mean becoming a friend. How to find loved ones on the Internet?
Find friends where they may be
The first tip for finding friends on the Internet is to choose services that will really help you find “your” person. You won't wait for a tram on the street without paved tracks or fish in the pool. The same principle works on social networks.
Users of social networks have long known that each of them has its own rules of the game. Some networks focus on professional communication; in them you need to look for colleagues, performers and investors, not friends. Others help find people with whom contact has been lost. It's not bad to find out how things are going, but if you haven't communicated with the person for many years, then it's not best recommendation for friendship.
Finding new people with similar interests is the network's specialty. In it, people are found not by last name or by date of graduation, but by interests and geolocation.
Create a profile with your real name
When a person views your profile on a social network, they get to know you. And when meeting people, it is customary to introduce yourself by your real name. This is a requirement of etiquette and common courtesy, and a polite and respectful attitude towards another person is necessary for establishing friendly relations.
Remember how we met in childhood, when finding a friend was easy. No nicknames: our friends themselves gave them to us.
Remove the cat from your avatar
And remove the car too. And in general, everything that prevents you from looking at your face. You want to be friends with a real person, not a picture. The same applies to those who are going to communicate with you. And it’s strange to start a friendship while hiding behind a mask. Be more honest and people will be drawn to you.
In MyFriends, it’s not that it’s not customary to put low-quality avatars, it’s simply not allowed to be done. Therefore, you always see who you are going to talk to and meet.
And add cats to your feed, but only your own, and not other people’s photos from the Internet.
Publish more information about yourself
Remember that somewhere in MyFriends there is a person registered who is looking for a friend just like you. Help him discover you. Fill out your profile in as much detail as possible: the service was invented specifically for telling about yourself, and not for collecting likes and reposts.
In MyFriends, there are no reposts of hundreds of identical articles and jokes scattered across all public pages at once. - this is personal.
Showcase your passions
Whatever one may say, we receive most of the information through vision. MyFriends operates on the principle “We won’t tell, we’ll show.” Take pictures and add hashtags to them, which will be a means of searching for interests. The better and more clearly described each photograph, the more likely that people with similar views will see you.
Write first
Sometimes we get so hung up on old contacts that we can’t just write to a stranger. Especially if you need to come up with an introductory word: who are you, why are you writing. But another person may be tormented by the same doubts. Therefore, we need to take the initiative into our own hands and start somewhere. For example, just comment on a good photo.
By the way, when you leave a post on MyFriends, your intentions are already clear: you are looking for a friend, not gaining subscribers or promoting your page.
Look for friends nearby
Previously, friends were divided into several categories: friend, buddy, acquaintance. The concept of “Internet friend” appeared relatively recently. This seems like a friend, but not really.
What prevents virtual friends from becoming real ones? Distances and exclusively digital communication. Therefore, if you are not satisfied with this substitute for friendship, look for people living near you. The easiest way is by geolocation. You'll be surprised how many possible friends live on the same street as you.
This is not the only friend search filter. Choose for yourself who you think will keep you the best company.
Go to meetings
Remember how much time twenty-year-olds spend with friends? Yes, more than 10 hours a week. A bit much for those over thirty. Why do we meet less often? Yes, because it’s becoming more and more difficult to fit a joint trip to a cafe or a movie into your schedule. When one is busy, the other is free, and vice versa.
But without personal communication, friendship does not arise. You may not see your old comrades for years without changing your attitude towards the person. New ones will not become closer without conversation, common activity or relaxation.
Try meeting new people without changing your schedule. For example, you are going to a film premiere. Write on social networks about your desire, someone will join you - this is the reason for the meeting and the way to choose a place and time. There is a separate option, which is called “Desires”. Offer your suggestions for places to go and things to do, or see who is planning to spend some quality time in the near future. Join and be friends for good health.
I have my own social circle. These are good friends of mine who are also into social dynamics. We understand each other perfectly perfectly. These are my friends and just good people. I love communicating with them, sharing value and relaxing together.
1. Get rid of those who drag you down and prevent you from growing
It doesn’t matter to me whether a person has many friends or few. This is not the main thing for me.
When I started meeting new people and changing myself, I completely stopped communicating with old friends. They prevented me from developing, they did not understand me and pulled me down into the old reality.
I stopped seeing them and calling them. I don't regret it one bit. It was as if I had lifted heavy stones from my shoulders. I have no problems finding friends with similar interests.
I was the only warrior in the field! Alone I felt great! I didn't need anyone. I was fine alone. Every day I made new acquaintances with girls, I met a lot of interesting people.
2. Your freedom and self-love will attract the same people
When people They see this independence in you, they are drawn to you. This freedom is very attractive to people.
But to have this appeal, you must be interesting!
Passion, self-love must live in you! And the same people will be attracted to you.
3. Don't be afraid to talk to new people
If you're boring, then it's time to change if you don't want to be surrounded by equally boring people. To find yourself good friends, you must love communicating with people and being social.
Like attracts like. Appearance attracts appearance. An interesting personality, its depth will attract equally interesting and deep people.
Always be open to meeting new people. I'm always happy if someone approaches me on the street or anywhere stranger and wants to talk to me. I see in people good qualities and I feel their pleasant energy.
My own personal standards
5. Places to meet cool people
Clubs and parties
You can quickly make many good friends in the club. There are always a lot of people there and this is the place where making friends is easy. Chat in the club not only with girls, but also with guys.
Surprisingly I didn’t look for my friends with whom I now communicate. They found me themselves! No kidding. There are very interesting guys around me now. I went out to the club, and the guys themselves came up to me and introduced themselves. They already knew what I was doing. Perhaps they saw me meeting people.
We communicate, I see that the person is interesting, and we exchange contacts. Next time we can call each other, go to the club together and get to know each other better. This is pretty much how people become friends. Everything happens very easily.
Social networks: post more photos and information about yourself
Sometimes guys write to me on social networks and invite me to go out and hang out together. I agree, even though I don’t even know them. We go out, I see who they are, and if I like these people, we continue to communicate and keep in touch.
I have posted a lot of my photos on social networks from clubs, with friends, with girls, from other cities, freestyle football and others. After looking at my photos, people understand who I am, who I am with and how I like to spend time. I'm open at the same time. I have nothing to hide.
But always remember: Don’t have the habit of meeting people online often! I generally don’t like chatting on the Internet.
You should be able to meet people in person - just walk up and start talking anywhere. It is when you meet face to face that you truly get to know a person, and not through the Internet.
Go to places that suit your subjective tastes and hobbies
Go to a place you like and start chatting. If you like to read, then the library is also an interesting place where it’s not difficult to make friends. Maybe you'll find your best friend there. It's that simple! It is communication that opens the gates to the unknown for you.
6. How to build social circles so that people introduce you to their friends
Very useful to know!
- Level 1. You arrive in an unfamiliar place. You don't know anyone. You come up and meet everyone.
- Level 2. You make a quality social circle. Choose from large quantity the people who are most interesting and attractive to you.
- Level 3. This social circle works for you, and they already introduce you to other people.
If you are social and communicate with all people, then you are a high-status man. This means that people want to watch you, how you approach and interact with other people.
The next video is from a social dynamics trainer - Alexa. You can skip the first minute and a half. He travels the world and his friends are always by his side. During his adventures around the world, Alex goes to parties, meets beautiful girls, rocks out with them. In life it is very easy for him to find a friend to communicate with.
And motivation to act - the whole truth about how to be motivated throughout your life + motivational video.
Girls - top 5 useful rules to meet a beauty.
How guys dance in a club and on the street: videos of funny dances.
7. Be confident without friends, and then they will be there for you
Your self-confidence should not depend on whether you have friends or not! If you don’t know how to go out and have fun without friends, then your reality is based on external factors. This is bad. No matter how many friends you have, you must be strong and confident without them.
The number of friends and numbers give you temporary situational confidence. Know how to go to clubs, take walks and look for adventures without friends. You are still self-sufficient without them.
8. Face your fears: independence attracts like a magnet.
Don't let external circumstances stop you. Go towards your goal!
When you face your fears ALONE, you grow much faster and stronger.! This is how you will be independent, people will be drawn to you and want to be around you. This is how you can find true friends.
9. Be prepared to lose everyone: there is no shame in being alone
To make many new friends, you need to be prepared to lose everyone and be left alone. You shouldn't be afraid of loneliness. I don't like it when people cling to me and seem to sit on my shoulders.
With the most interesting and nice girls, which I really like, I always keep in touch. I'm sincere with them and always say that I love girls. I meet them, walk, remain silent, laugh, drown in their gaze.
10. I am the main actor in this film, I am the screenwriter in it, I am the director.
Realize and implement the following beliefs:
- You choose your environment!
- It is you who decide with whom you will communicate and with whom you will not.
- The world is your cinema and your film! You are in it - main character and write the script for your own film!
