What words of encouragement does a man need to hear in difficult times to lift his spirits? How to support a man during a difficult period of life

In the article you will learn:

Words of support in difficult times for a man to lift his spirits

Hello everyone! Being able to support with words is an art! After all, you can lament endlessly nearby, but the person will not feel better, but worse. Or, on the contrary, you can say that your wings will spread, you will have strength and a desire to move on. This article is for those who are looking forwords of support for a man in difficult times.

Does the man himself want to be supported? If the family in which he grew up was emotionally cold and support was not welcomed, then adult life such a man will never ask for her.

Moreover, if you say something out of place, it will cause confusion, misunderstanding and irritation. You may be morally pushed away at this moment and told, for example, “ I don't need your pity". And indeed it is. A man does not need pity, but encouragement on equal terms, the sympathy of an adult for an adult can work wonders with him.

After all, it’s difficult to be alone, and male friends are stingy in showing sympathy. Unless they keep a significant silence together or leave short phrases with a call not to despair, to fight, to strive. Therefore, who, if not a woman, can alleviate the pain in the heart and confusion in the head.

Pity is poison

Just as water wears away a stone, pity wears away any strength of a man. Imagine if they often tell you that you are poor, tired, rest, lie down. Eat more, why bother. Sooner or later, all your plans will fade into the background, the first priority will be to relax, be lazy, relax, everything is fine.

For the stronger sex, this poison is many times more harmful. Since a man bears much more responsibility, he is responsible for the state of the family, for its resources and ability to survive. If you feel sorry for him like a mother, like a child, then he may well turn into a rag. There is no motivation to move forward. Only do not confuse pity and care, it's different.

Therefore, words of support should exclude pitiful statements - no “poor little thing” or other baby talk. If a man hasn’t coped with some task, don’t emphasize like, oh well, it’s better to take a break from worries, why do you need this? This can also lower your self-esteem, and this threatens to destroy your relationship.

It is stupid for a man to deny the obvious. A goal was set and, for various reasons, not achieved. But you must show compassion in the sense that you believe that yourloved onecan find ways now or later to achieve not this, but another goal. That he will cope in any case, that he has all the strength and capabilities for this.

Without consolation

Avoid comforting phrases like “ Well, it’s okay that you were fired, but you can rest at home for a week while you look for a job.”. This is also useless, because it is close to pity and does not give a reason to strive further and be inspired by new plans. And it helps you come to terms with failure and give up further struggle.

Have fun on time

If the failure is minor (the car broke down, some plans were cancelled), then cheer up, shake with humor,cheer up- will be a very successful move. You need to look at many things in life more simply and not take them to heart. But if your loved one is sad because a serious problem has occurred, then cheering, especially artificially and feignedly, will be inappropriate and will cause double irritation.

Don't try to please

Often women try to soften the blow with some pleasantries, trying to appease and distract. This maneuver is very good with a woman, but it will not inspire men. They are very rational and understand that all your “stunts” are fake, and once again remind you what was the reason. That is, you will achieve the opposite effect.

Unnecessary questions

Questions about why he’s upset and why he’s in such a mood depresses him even more. Because many people are ashamed to admit to a woman some of their failures. This will upset you and make you withdraw into yourself. But for women this technique is very good. Because it’s easier for us if we tell, cry, and discuss everything in detail.

You can say it softly ready to listen, if the man wants it. If he remains silent, then he doesn’t need it. It is enough to say that you believe in his strength and that no matter what happens, you will support him, and most importantly, you know that he will do everything in the best possible way.

Showdown

The most blunder will be offended by his silence. Force you to talk and even more so ask you “It’s you who was offended by me”, “it has something to do with me”? Now he has absolutely no time for you and switching to trying to justify himself to you will only cause trouble. Now the process is underway digestion, and this requires strength. And spending it on you is counterproductive.

How to support if it’s not easy

Now you know what mistakes you shouldn't make and you're ready to learn how to support:

1. If you met your man in a darker mood, behave as usual. Don't jump around like a dragonfly, but don't show it either.
2. If he answers in monosyllabic phrases. If he doesn’t make contact, doesn’t ask, then don’t pester him. Go about your business after warning him. Give him a chance be alone and don’t interfere every 10 minutes for any imaginary reason.
3. If you feel each other well and are used to being close in moments of sadness, be quiet next to him, give him a massage, don’t chat, but let him feel that now he is not alone, but that his still loving wife is nearby.
4. Ask a question, what exactly can you do to help him?. Maybe go somewhere or do something. If nothing, then say something like this: I’m ready to help, I know that you are a smart, strong, determined man and therefore, if something bad happened now, you will fix everything or make sure that you change the situation in your favor.”
5. If it happened death loved one , then at this moment your spiritual help is needed more than ever. Give him a hug so he can feel your human warmth or pat him on the shoulder. Say the words “Be strong, hold on, take heart.” Words of consolation will not help, you will not return the loss. The task is to find the strength to cope with the pain. Invite him to cry and go to church.

In fact, if you truly empathize and sympathize, then in this terrible moment it doesn’t matter what you say. The main thing is that you have experience of suffering and you truly understand your loved one, then your words will be filled with the very spiritual meaning that he so needs. And the faster a person cries and expresses his emotions, the faster he will live through his grief. Help him with this.

I hope my article was useful to you. Appreciate and trust each other. Your June.

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It is difficult to argue with the opinion that great men are made by brilliant wives. This is actually true: it is the woman who determines not only the atmosphere in the house, but also the mood, energy potential her lover. Wise woman should know what words to support a man who suddenly finds himself in difficult situation, and how to really help him.

The rules are quite simple.

• If a man is clearly not in the mood, frowns, is nervous, answers questions sharply and briefly, and generally behaves unusually, there is no need to approach him with questions. Intrusiveness will cause irritation, and instead of constructive communication, you will end up with a useless scandal.
• The main rule of a crisis situation is to freeze and not make sudden movements. Behave as usual, don’t pry into your soul, but observe the situation. Give your husband time, provide silence, lack of fuss and a delicious dinner. If he wants to talk, he will come himself. All you have to do is guess correctly nonverbal cues: frowning eyebrows or ambiguous phrases.
• But if the silence is prolonged, you must definitely show your participation. This should be done as delicately as possible. For example, say: “I see something happened, it’s hard and bad for you. I'm here, you can count on me at any time when you're ready to talk. I will do anything to help you because I love you.” No one knows your man better than you, and only you can choose the right words.
• You can indicate your closeness and willingness to help without words, just by being nearby. Lie down or sit down while doing something unobtrusive: a book, a tablet, a handmade item (but only if it doesn’t annoy your husband!).
• If he doesn't mind, you can do a light massage of the back, head, and feet. Skin-to-skin contact brings you closer and relieves stress at the same time.

The main thing is to show that you understand the complexity of the situation, respect any decision of the man and are ready to help in deed and word.

What not to do

What a man definitely doesn’t need is female pity, obsession, excessive sugary tenderness, chatter and stupid fuss. Sympathy and pity are completely different things. The first is constructive and beneficial, gives strength to act and solve the problem, the second is meaningless and destructive.

There is no need to try to relieve tension with artificial liveliness or, God forbid, unhealthy irony. Both can cause an explosion of aggression and irritation.

It is necessary to take into account both the situation as a whole and individual nuances: character of the beloved, temperament, state of health. To understand how to properly support a man, you need to imagine the area of ​​life in which the trouble occurred. By choosing the right behavior strategy, you can save harmonious relationships and strengthen your intimacy.

Whatever mutual understanding reigns in your couple, you are unlikely to be able to feel exactly the same as your husband or boyfriend. After all, men identify themselves with their work more than we do. In addition, dismissal inevitably destroys some of his ideas about himself, relationships with people, and changes his usual routine. Your man will need time to comprehend this moment of crisis. Everyone copes with the situation in their own way, depending on their temperament, experience with similar experiences and history of dismissal. But in general, all reactions to temporary unemployment can be divided into 4 types - depending on men’s mood and activity. We hope that the recommendations of our psychologists will help you play the role of a “friend of harsh days” in the best possible way.

Sufferer - low mood, passive

How he behaves:

Rarely leaves the house. And he spends time in the company of TV series and online games.

But it doesn’t seem like he’s enjoying such leisure time, although he used to be delighted with World of Tanks.

When you manage to lure him away from his computer with the smell of his favorite fried potatoes and ask about his plans, all you hear in response is complaints and whining.

The change did not affect the loved one in the best way. Competition, ambitious goals, a clear daily routine kept the man on his toes, and suddenly it was as if someone had pressed the “stop” button. Housework seems boring to him, job searches seem humiliating. He looks either slightly depressed or completely crushed. Your relationship has turned into a love triangle: you, him and the sofa. At first, you sincerely supported your loved one. But now more and more often you catch yourself thinking that a little more, and encouraging words will turn into sarcastic remarks about his unplanned vacation. Hold on if you want the situation to change! Psychologist and hypnotherapist Anastasia Makeenko suggests doing the following exercise: “Remember everything you like about your partner, why you love and respect him. Think about situations in which he behaved like a real man and write them down. This list will help you restore faith in your loved one. All you have to do is remind him yourself how great he is, and his mood will improve, at least for a while.” Encouragements will be much more effective if you back them up. concrete example: I hung a mirror - great! Fixed the faucet in the kitchen - great! Gradually, you restore his positive attitude towards yourself, and the man will be more willing to start looking for vacancies.

Rescuer - mood at zero, active

How he behaves:

Irons ties and constantly goes to interviews.

He returns from them angry and assures that “everyone around is idiots!”

He talks only about work - former or future.

Obviously, your man believes that any problem requires an immediate solution. And even more so looking for a job. But emotionally he is not yet ready for change, so he is chasing all the hares at once. Due to uncertainty and lack of understanding of his own goals, he fails interview after interview. Any of your attempts to help is met with hostility: “You see, I’m already doing everything possible!” Then what should you do? Look, maybe it’s common among his friends to compete with each other? Or his parents remind him too often: “You are the breadwinner! Let's act!" - so he tries his best. And here you are with your advice. And the hares keep running and running... Psychologist Svetlana Markova believes that in this situation it is especially important for a man to feel that you are on his side and completely trust him. Help him discover the real reason failures, which lie not in the “action” plane, but in the “attitude”, “self-perception” plane. The following direct question will help switch a man to another level of perception of the problem: “And if your friend found himself in a similar situation, what would you advise him to do?” His answer will tell you what to do. Most likely, your loved one admits that he feels insecure. Then we can explore together the origins of this feeling and develop different variants fight him. For example, you can start by rehearsing various interview scenarios at home, in a calm environment.

Veselchak - excellent mood, passive

How he behaves:

• It doesn't look like he's doing anything to find a job.
• But he finally found time to visit friends and relatives, minor home repairs and exercise.
• He has fun with all his heart when he hears a joke like: “The horse that worked the most on the collective farm, but it never became the chairman.”

Enthusiast - excellent mood, active

How he behaves:

Sign up for advanced training courses or start learning a new foreign language.

He doesn’t want to get a “just any” job and has already rejected several, in your opinion, good offers.

He says everything is under control.

Try to avoid:

advice - “I would if I were you...”

comparisons - “But Sveta’s husband...”

obsessive offers of help - “Let me talk about this with my dad...”

questions - “How and why did this happen?”

regrets - “My poor baby...”

Long song

It is estimated that it takes approximately 23 months to experience the stress of losing a job. In this case, a person sequentially goes through a number of stages: from shock and denial to the return of confidence in tomorrow. But sometimes a man has to make a forced stop at one of the stages.

The already alarming situation is getting worse - month after month passes, nothing changes. “Even in this case, it is important to remember that deep down a man considers this development of events to be wrong and wants to become a leader and breadwinner again,” says Anastasia Makeenko. If at this stage you continue to sympathize and feel sorry for your loved one, then in this way you join him emotionally and support his belief that “everything is bad and nothing will work out.” It’s better to change tactics and convey the following to your partner: “I see in you a person who has always participated financially and morally in our relationship and supported me. I know that you want and can change everything.” This mantra is not magic, but it can get things moving. Probably, it is precisely this attitude that can inspire a man, if not to look for vacancies, then to look for a specialist who will help solve the problem.

And now there

It happens that a man has not worked for several years, and it is quite obvious that he is not going to change anything. Most likely, he simply can afford it, which means someone else is providing for your family. Is this you by chance?

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How can a woman support a man? Participants in my recent webinar asked me this question. I answered crumpledly - time was running out. Now I want to answer in detail (get ready - this is one of my biggest notes).

But let's start with what was stated. How to support a man? What to tell him, how to act, what behavior to avoid?

So he is tormented by the choice - what to say? Here he is plowing like a horse - what should I tell him? Now powerlessness has set in - what words to find?

As always, the key here is to invest in creating a safe and nurturing environment. Where it is safe and nutritious, everything flourishes - even men. A safe and nurturing environment is the most The best way support.

It’s unlikely that I’ll tell you now what safety and nutritional value consist of - this is a separate big conversation.

Let's just see what we can do.

The most important thing is attitude. Treated as an equal. Not like your little son, who needs to be urged on with inspiration or reproaches. Not like Daddy, who needs to be stimulated by whims or insults. Namely, as an equal.

In practice this means approximately the following.

1. Respect. Respect is recognition of merits, merits, high qualities (see Ushakov’s “Explanatory Dictionary”). If a woman lives with a man, it means that he has merits and merits that are important to her, high quality(high for her). This does not cancel the disadvantages (who doesn’t have them?), but still does not prevent us from remembering that there are advantages. And at least sometimes talk about them.

Literally - say openly, they say, I like your ability to solve problems, your hands, I like the relationship with you, I appreciate what you do for me, I’m glad to live with you.

In a word, you need to remind both him and yourself that you chose him for a reason.

Of course, if he has nothing left of what this man was chosen for, then respect evaporates. Here you can try to bring it all back, but it’s not up to me to decide, you understand.

2. Refusal of unsolicited advice and assessments. For some women, it is a completely unbearable feeling to see a man do something and refrain from giving advice and/or judgment. But you need to abstain.

So he sat down to play World of Tanks. You can snort that this is a game for pimply teenagers, not a forty-year-old man. Or you can shrug your shoulders and go about your business.

Here is a man struggling with the choice of an electric razor (or something else for personal use). You can explain to him which choice is correct. Or you can say, you are a grown man, if you decided something, it means you thought it through well, I am sure that you chose the right decision.

A man is going to visit his friends for a bathhouse. We can say that there is no point in hanging around with these idiots. Or you can be happy for your husband - communication with friends is important for a person of any gender.

When a woman finds the strength to refuse unsolicited advice and assessments at these moments, a man feels safe.

Let me emphasize that this is exactly what we are talking about uninvited advice and assessments. Only about them. If a man asks for advice or assessment, then this is a completely different matter.

All of the above must be understood correctly. Namely: I am not saying that a woman needs to obey unquestioningly. There is always room for negotiations and agreements. And, of course, if a man plays tanks for weeks on end, without leaving the computer even to take a shower, something will have to be decided.

3. Lack of consumer attitude. There is nothing worse than a situation where a woman views a man simply as a resource. Where she extracts money, efforts, connections, things and impressions from him (for example, tours).

If you don’t treat it as a resource, then what? It is known as - as to a partner. Constantly maintain a “take-give” balance. He is for her, she is for him. What exactly he gave to her, and she to him - it’s all individual, it’s all decided in pairs.

The main thing is not to insist that he should buy a fur coat and take it to the sea. Many men said that if this is required of me, I go on the defensive and refuse to do anything. It’s another matter if they perceive it as a gift and thank you from the bottom of their hearts - then I’m ready to work like hell.

So let's sum it up. When a woman respects a man (recognizes his merits), when she does not interfere with unsolicited advice and assessments, when she sees him not as a resource, but as a partner, this all creates a safe and nurturing environment. And such an environment - the best remedy man's support.

I will repeat it again, with a slightly different emphasis. Usually they want to see specific phrases that can be quoted...

But I want to talk about a deeper level, because my phrases are not suitable for everyone, but if you understand about safety and nutrition, you will find your own phrases that are suitable for you and your partner personally.

Now - the promised piece about men’s support for women.

I think particularly astute readers have long guessed that exactly the same thing is important for a woman, one to one.

For a woman, as for a man, the best support is to have a safe and nurturing environment. And if a man wants to live happily ever after with this woman, he will actively invest in creating such an environment.

He will respect the woman (i.e. recognize her merits and merits). He will refrain from unsolicited advice and assessments (say, when she is driving and he is nearby). He will not treat a woman as a resource (for example, he will remember that his wife is not his servant).

A man who is criticized, whose mistakes are constantly pointed out, is unable to achieve anything. Ability to provide support- this is talent. This is the ability to see what others do not yet see, this is the ability to turn disadvantages into advantages.

Many women misunderstand support and often confuse it with encouragement and praise. Yes, these concepts are somewhere nearby and similar, but they have a very significant difference.
Usually we praise for some victories and actions; praise must be earned. And support is given just, simply because this person is next to you, he is dear to you and you believe in him.

So, to provide support, you need to:

• Accept a man as he is today. Criticism will not change or correct anything. Unfortunately, if we women are criticized, we strive to improve and change. But men are built differently: they become even worse. It’s like in school, if a girl gets a “C”, she will be very worried and learn everything with an “A”, and a boy, having received a “D”, will stop studying altogether.
• Positive attitude, which means you should expect only the best. What helps to be optimistic? Keep a diary, gratitude makes us happy here and now. And also stop watching the news, or better yet, avoid TV altogether. The news is negative. Today a plane crashed, tomorrow people died. Then we vaguely feel anxiety, fear, anxiety; in such a situation it is impossible to remain positive.
• Faith, you must believe in your man 200%, even if he doesn’t believe in himself. But for this, it must be in your value system. You notice what may be obvious to others, and believe in what others take for granted. But for you, its qualities are special and valuable.
• Respect, the man needs to make it clear: - You are important to me. Be sure to do the exercise I recommended and write down 100 points for which you respect and appreciate your man.
• Confession. You know that your man has virtues and qualities that others do not have. If you are next to this man, then this is probably true.

How can we support a man:

- in order for us to provide support, we must understand my man. That is, to know what he wants, what he plans, what he dreams about. To do this you need to be able to listen to understand what kind of person is next to us. Unfortunately, we don't know how to listen. Because this is a passive state, and we are accustomed to activity. But you need to study! A man should see that you are listening to him, that everything he says is important and interesting to you. Show him this. Refuse to do anything at these moments, and even if the children call you, do not interrupt your husband. Nothing will happen to the children.

- give up criticism and condemnation. Perhaps this is the most difficult task for a woman and it stems from the differences between the structure of a man and a woman. It is very difficult for a woman to understand why a man does not respond to criticism and does not improve.

- focus your attention on the life of her husband. If you work, you should have the time, strength and energy to pay attention to your man and your relationship.

Support should make your man stronger, not weaker. Therefore, you should not solve a man’s problems for him, wipe his tears, give practical advice or push him to action.

Support has nothing to do with pity, since you know that your man is strong, powerful and courageous. It's more of an internal process. This is your transformation, first and foremost as a woman. Namely, developing feminine qualities, you help him become a man.

One of these qualities is softness. Read more. Every person is vulnerable and has their own sensitive spots. And a soft woman, knowing this, will never press on these places. Next to you, he should feel that you will never touch him or hurt him.

It's important to be attentive, positive, willing to give in. Support is especially important for a man in difficult times, and a woman who is able to provide such support is especially needed.

Do not wait quick results, waiting for the result will ruin everything. Because the tactic: “I give you, and you give me” misfires. You support your husband for two or three days, believe in him, but nothing happens, you break down and again turn to criticism and condemnation. No one will notice a fly in the ointment. Therefore, immediately give up expectations of results.

Support your man sincerely and selflessly. If you can give him a feeling of inner confidence, he will definitely move mountains and do it for you!

Tatyana Dzutseva

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