Why does a 3 year old child behave aggressively? Specific examples of strategy. Anger and aggression

Many parents, trying to eradicate any hint of the existence of aggression in their child, most often deal with superficial symptoms and ignore the root of the problem. As a result, the situation worsens even more.

Causes of childhood aggression

Often aggression is a consequence of frustration when one or another need of the child is not satisfied. A child who experiences hunger, lack of sleep, poor health, feels less loved, less desired, perhaps rejected by his parents/peers - may become aggressive, which will result in an attempt to cause physical or mental harm to himself or others.

Many parents are quite clear about what “conditions suitable for the upbringing and development of a child” are: the child must be fed on time, clothed, shod, provided with clubs/teachers, etc. Such a concept as "disadvantage" parental love and worries” is puzzling.

Meanwhile, many children experience a lack of love in the family due to the parent’s inattention to the wishes of the child himself, as well as due to numerous quarrels between parents, divorce, illness or death of one of the parents, and due to physical and/or psychological abuse.

The child, in pursuit of parental love, uses physical strength towards younger and weaker brothers and sisters, or puts psychological pressure on them in order to assert themselves. Later, he will learn to apply the new skills he has acquired among his peers.

How does childhood aggression manifest itself at different ages?

The founders of psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud, Melanie Klein and others wrote that aggression is an innate instinct. An example of this can be seen when children, out of an excess of love, begin to beat their mother. It is important to stop this behavior and explain it with the words “Mom is hurt.”

Over time, in the process of upbringing, the child learns to cope with internal aggression using psychological defense mechanisms, such as sublimation, expressing his aggression on paper, or projection, transferring internal aggression to others and perceiving them as aggressive people, etc. Or it can transform aggression into constructive activity.

So, in an attempt to avoid aggression, your child suddenly begins to actively clean the house, selflessly learn a new piece on a musical instrument, play sports, etc.

In early childhood, manifestation aggressive behavior considered normal, but with age it becomes unacceptable. The child must learn to express his feelings in words, and young aggressors become professionals in the epistolary genre. Physical aggression smoothly transforms into psychological attacks. Already from the age of 10, a frequent form of aggression in schools towards a child is boycott.

Types of childhood aggression

There is an open manifestation of aggression - when your child expresses his protest with screams or fists. Children and adolescents who do not know how to openly conflict and express their disagreement and dissatisfaction, conflict in a hidden form and often their aggression leads to self-destruction.

An example of such hidden aggression in younger age, there may be problematic behavior with peers: a desire to subjugate another, inability to come to a common decision, reluctance to study, do homework, encopresis (fecal incontinence), casual phrases about unwillingness to live, abdominal/head pain (although tests carried out in the clinic show that the child is healthy).

IN adolescence, hidden aggression manifests itself in the fact that a guy or girl finds it difficult to build healthy relationships with peers, experiences bouts of jealousy, and is unable to respect the desires and decisions of another person.

Trying to cope with internal tension, a teenager may begin to use not entirely healthy methods of coping in an attempt to “forget.” Alcohol, drugs, early sex life, cuts on body parts, anorexia. Disappointment, resentment and discontent not spoken out loud can lead to the development of depression.

Does a certain parenting style influence children's aggression?

Over the course of many years of working as a family psychotherapist, I noticed that parents, through their upbringing, shape not only the behavior and worldview of their children, but also program their future.

I remember a joke:

In Dr. Freud's office.
- Doctor, my son is just some kind of sadist: he kicks animals, frameskicks the elderly, tears off the wings of butterflies and laughs!
- How old is he? - 4 years.
- In that case, there’s nothing to worry about, it will pass soon,
and he will grow up to be a kind and polite person.
- Doctor, you calmed me down, thank you very much.
- You're welcome, Frau Hitler...

IN different families are used different styles education. Some parents set too strict boundaries, they do not know how to communicate with the child, and the goal of education is complete control and obedience. Trying to be a good boy or a good girl at home, the child is forced to express all his dissatisfaction in the kindergarten or at school, often in an aggressive form.

There are parents, on the contrary, who are overly sensitive to their children, often listen to them, are afraid of offending the child’s feelings, so as not to injure them, God forbid.

Over time, it becomes increasingly difficult for such parents to set boundaries in their upbringing and limit their child. The inability of such parents to build boundaries and permissiveness lead to the child feeling stronger than his own parents, that he can do anything, and begins to show aggression towards his parent/brothers/sisters and towards peers.

In families with two or more children, parents can probably remember that having given birth to a younger one, they do not always have the strength and time to care for the older one. But, if parents systematically ignore and do not notice the older child, then he begins to feel “transparent” (children’s statement). And in order not to experience this heavy internal tension, the child’s behavior becomes impulsive, aggressive, with frequent mood swings. Thus, according to the children, “THEY ARE SEEN.”

The correct parenting strategy is that parents openly show love with words, gestures, affection, are interested in the lives of their children, are sensitive, notice if something happens to the child and try to console him. These parents control their children, but also know how to trust. A child who grows up in a family with healthy communication will use aggression only for self-defense. He will be able to express any dissatisfaction in an open form, in words.

Aggression towards parents: reasons and what to do?

Unfortunately, this is not uncommon in our society. More and more often I deal with families where a child insults and beats his parents. This causes enormous suffering for both the parent and the child, who feels like a monster. IN in this case, a parent needs to learn to set boundaries in education.

Don't wait for the situation to escalate; stop unwanted behavior immediately. How do you know when exactly to stop unwanted behavior? Believe me, you will feel it yourself. As soon as the child’s behavior causes you discomfort, you as a parent are obliged to stop it with the words: “This is unpleasant for me” or “I do not intend to continue the conversation in this form,” etc.

Respect yourself and by doing this you will teach your child to be sensitive to the needs of other people and to respect their personal space. A child who has been taught to respect his family members will definitely treat people around him and outside the family with respect.

Aggression towards peers: causes and what to do?

There may be several reasons for aggression towards peers. The child may not have enough parental attention, or the parent has a clear preference for his brother/sister, or the child is simply spoiled and unlearned to respect others, and perhaps is going through a difficult period in his life, in the event of illness, death, or divorce of his parents. In each individual case, a different approach is applied.

A family therapist, observing the dynamics of family relationships, is able to diagnose the problem and find an appropriate solution.

Differences in aggressiveness between boys and girls

We talked about how aggression is an innate instinct in both boys and girls. The manifestation of aggressive behavior, of course, differs between boys and girls, depending on the accepted norms in society. If a conflict between boys that turns into a fight is perceived as normal, then a fight between girls can cause serious bewilderment among both peers and the older generation.

In the process of evolution, girls learned to use not physical, but verbal aggression, including intrigue and manipulation. Very rarely are boys the organizers of a boycott; usually this is the prerogative of girls.

Does childhood aggression go away with age?

No, childhood aggression in no case goes away with age, so it is important to learn to accept aggression rather than fight it. Over the years, many people learn to listen to themselves, their body, to be aware of their aggression, to accept it, realizing that this is a transitory feeling. By expressing our pain/dissatisfaction/disappointment out loud, we learn to cope with this feeling.

An adult who does not know how to properly conflict and express his disagreement will subconsciously express his internal aggression towards his husband/wife through increased jealousy and/or an affair. This person is not able to respect the wishes of another person and will actively impose his opinion and his will.

At work, this can be expressed in intrigue, manipulation of others, or abuse of power.

How to correct a child's aggression? What should parents of an aggressive child do?

First of all, it is important to understand whether the child’s aggressive behavior is normal or pathological. Mothers come to me who are unable to accept their son’s aggressive behavior, while at a young age, up to 6 years old, it is absolutely normal. While it is difficult for a child to express himself verbally, he expresses this through behavior.

Learn to talk to your child. Explain that when he is angry, he can throw out his aggression on an inanimate object (pillow, mattress).

Enroll your child in sports section, for healthy expression of aggression. It is advisable that the child choose it himself.

Hug your child more often, show your love and care. Teach your child to talk: about his joy, about his pain, about his experiences. A child who receives psychological support from his parents is able to verbally express his feelings. He won't have to express aggression in other ways.

Childhood aggression is a very common phenomenon.

Many parents are at a loss, not knowing how to behave if a child suddenly becomes aggressive, and they doubt how normal such manifestations are. That's why today we psychologist We talk about why childhood aggression occurs and how to respond to such manifestations.

Children's aggression - reasons

The causes of childhood aggression can be very diverse.

Let's list the most common :

.The child reacts with aggression to the aggression of adults . Quite often, a child becomes aggressive if the parents themselves often communicate in a raised voice. No wonder. After all, a child learns to behave based on the example that his parents set for him. Therefore, be sure to pay attention to how often you yourself experience anger, irritation, and offence. And also observe exactly how you tend to deal with these feelings. Do you tend to suppress them? Or, on the contrary, are you actively demonstrating?

.The child is lacking something . Most often, psychologists talk about a lack of parental love or care. And this, indeed, may be so. However, aggression, in itself, is a signal that some vital need is not satisfied. And this can be any need, not just love and affection.

Aggression may also be evidence that the child is going through another age-related crisis. For example, at the age of 2-3 years, almost all children become more aggressive, capricious

If we remember what needs we have, these are: the need for safety, for sleep, food, sex, for dominance, for finding one’s place in the social hierarchy, for intimacy and warmth, as well as the need for development. A. Maslow wrote about this about a century ago. So, a child may have any of these needs unsatisfied. For example, he does not feel safe (if living conditions are not entirely comfortable, for example). Or he may not understand his rights and responsibilities in the family. And then any such dissatisfaction of the need can lead to the fact that the baby can behave aggressively.

An equally common cause of childhood aggression is lack of clear boundaries of what is permitted . No matter how strange it may seem at first glance, the presence of clear rules, requirements, as well as control over their compliance is the key to the child’s calmness and lack of aggression. It would seem that everyone around is saying that. However, in reality this is not the case. Prohibitions for the sake of prohibitions are harmful. If a parent prohibits something in order to demonstrate his authority, then such prohibitions are really not good. But if we are talking about rules that are really needed, then their presence helps the child feel more calm. After all, when it is clearly and clearly understood what exactly is possible and what is not, then there is no anxiety, but a clear understanding of one’s capabilities.

Quite often, another feeling may also underlie childhood aggression. For example, guilt . If you think about it, adults often defend themselves with aggression when they feel guilty or ashamed. The same goes for a child. Beneath his aggression there may be guilt or shame.

Aggression may also be a sign that the child is going through another age crisis. For example, at the age of 2-3 years, almost all children become more aggressive and capricious. This just means that the child is currently moving to high quality new stage of its development.

Separately, I would like to highlight such a cause of childhood aggression as jealousy . The appearance of a brother or sister for a child is always associated with great stress. After all earlier baby was the only favorite in the family. And now he is forced to share his mom and dad with another baby. This cannot but give rise to discontent and... And that's completely normal.

Children's aggression - how to act?

This is not a complete list of reasons that may underlie childhood aggression. And children’s aggression does not always need correction. It is important to understand that the presence of aggression in itself is a completely normal phenomenon. However, its strength and form of expression may not be normal.

1. It is worth distinguishing between the feeling itself that lies behind aggressive behavior (anger, resentment, indignation or irritation) and the action with which the child expresses it. You can talk about how you don't like it when he tries to hit or bite you. But there is no need to shame a child for being angry or irritated.

2. Help your child figure out what is happening to him at the moment of aggression. Say: “You are angry that you need to go to bed,” “You are unhappy that I forbid you to walk so far,” etc.

3. Play various games with your child where he can release his aggression. It could be a pillow fight balloons etc.

The child will understand that you are on his side.

Mutual understanding and patience to you!

Childhood aggression is a common phenomenon. Sometimes parents don’t know what caused it to appear. But you shouldn't be surprised. Most of the reasons that a child grows up aggressive can be found in society itself. Just take video games and television: there is violence, fights and robberies all around.

2. Parents, if they do not want their children to be brawlers and bullies, must themselves control their own aggressive impulses.

3. Under no circumstances should a child’s manifestation of aggression be suppressed, otherwise suppressed aggressive impulses can cause serious harm to his health. Teach him to express his hostile feelings in a socially acceptable way: in words or in drawings, modeling, or with the help of toys, or actions that are harmless to others, in sports. Translating a child's feelings from actions into words will allow him to learn what can be said about them, and not necessarily immediately given to the eye. Also, the child will gradually master the language of his feelings and it will be easier for him to tell you that he is offended, upset, angry, etc., rather than trying to attract your attention with his terrible behavior.

4. If a child is capricious, angry, screaming, throwing fists at you - hug him, hold him close to you. Gradually he will calm down and come to his senses. Over time, he will need less and less time to calm down. In addition, such hugs perform several important functions: for a child, it means that you are able to withstand his aggression, and, therefore, his aggression can be restrained and he will not destroy what he loves; the child gradually learns the ability to restrain and can make it internal and thus control his aggression himself. Later, when he has calmed down, you can talk to him about his feelings. But in no case should you read moral teachings during such a conversation, just

5. To prevent your child from growing up aggressive, respect the personality in your child, consider his opinion, take his feelings seriously. Provide your child with sufficient freedom and independence for which the child will be responsible. At the same time, show him that if necessary, if he asks, you are ready to give advice or help. A child should have his own territory, his own side of life, into which adults are allowed to enter only with his consent. It is a mistaken opinion of some parents that their children should not have any secrets from them. It is unacceptable to rummage through his things, read letters, eavesdrop on telephone conversations, spy on! If a child trusts you, sees you as an older friend and comrade, he will tell you everything himself, ask for advice if he considers it necessary.

6. Show your child the ultimate ineffectiveness of aggressive behavior. Explain to him that even if at first he achieves a benefit for himself, for example, he takes away another child’s favorite toy, then subsequently none of the children will want to play with him, and he will remain in splendid isolation. It is unlikely that he will be seduced by such a prospect. Tell us also about these negative consequences aggressive behavior as the inevitability of punishment, the return of evil, etc.

7. It is necessary to provide the child with the opportunity to receive emotional release in games, sports, etc. You can have a special “angry pillow” to relieve stress. If the child feels irritated, he can beat this pillow.

8. It is also very important to clarify and set boundaries. Consistency is necessary here: you should not evaluate the same child’s action differently depending on your mood. The system of restrictions and prohibitions must be clear and stable; the stability of the child’s inner life depends on this.

9. It is better to prepare for some important events in a child’s life in advance. If you have to make your first visit to a doctor or to a kindergarten, try to provide for all possible nuances, taking into account the capabilities and characteristics of the child.

Children's aggression can be fought, and besides, it can be completely prevented if you are attentive to the child, his feelings and desires. Psychologist Inga Voitko gave advice on how to do this effectively, let there be no problems in your family!

What is aggressiveness?

The word "aggression" comes from the Latin "agressio", which means "attack", "attack". The psychological dictionary provides the following definition of this term: “Aggression is motivated destructive behavior that contradicts the norms and rules of the existence of people in society, harming the objects of attack (animate and inanimate), causing physical and moral harm to people or causing them psychological discomfort (negative experiences, a state of tension, fear, depression, etc.)".

Reasons for aggression Children can be very different. Some somatic diseases or brain diseases contribute to the emergence of aggressive qualities. It should be noted that upbringing in the family plays a huge role, and from the first days of a child’s life. Sociologist M. Mead has proven that in cases where a child is abruptly weaned and communication with the mother is reduced to a minimum, children develop such qualities as anxiety, suspicion, cruelty, aggressiveness, and selfishness. And vice versa, when there is gentleness in communication with a child, the child is surrounded by care and attention, these qualities are not developed.

The development of aggressive behavior is greatly influenced by the nature of the punishments that parents usually use in response to the manifestation of anger in their child. In such situations, two polar methods of influence can be used: either leniency or severity. Paradoxically, aggressive children are equally common in parents who are too lenient and those who are overly strict.

Studies have shown that parents who sharply suppress aggressiveness in their children, contrary to their expectations, do not eliminate this quality, but, on the contrary, cultivate it, developing excessive aggressiveness in their son or daughter, which will manifest itself even in adulthood. After all, everyone knows that evil only breeds evil, and aggression only breeds aggression.
If parents do not pay any attention to the aggressive reactions of their child, then he very soon begins to believe that such behavior is permissible, and single outbursts of anger imperceptibly develop into the habit of acting aggressively.

Only parents who know how to find a reasonable compromise, " golden mean", can teach their children to cope with aggression.

Portrait of an aggressive child

In almost every kindergarten group, in every class, there is at least one child with signs of aggressive behavior. He attacks other children, calls them names and beats them, takes away and breaks toys, deliberately uses rude language, in a word, becomes a “thunderstorm” for everyone children's group, a source of grief for educators and parents. This ruff, pugnacious, rude child It is very difficult to accept him as he is, and even more difficult to understand.

However, an aggressive child, like any other, needs affection and help from adults, because his aggression is, first of all, a reflection of internal discomfort, the inability to adequately respond to events happening around him.

An aggressive child often feels rejected and unwanted. The cruelty and indifference of parents leads to a breakdown in the child-parent relationship and instills in the child’s soul the confidence that he is not loved. “How to become loved and needed” is an insoluble problem facing a little man. So he is looking for ways to attract the attention of adults and peers. Unfortunately, these searches do not always end as we and the child would like, but he does not know how to do better.

This is how N.L. describes it. Kryazheva’s behavior of these children: “An aggressive child, using every opportunity, ... seeks to anger his mother, teacher, and peers. He “does not calm down” until the adults explode and the children get into a fight” (1997, p. 105).

Parents and teachers do not always understand what the child is trying to achieve and why he behaves this way, although he knows in advance that he may receive rebuff from children, and punishment from adults. In reality, this is sometimes just a desperate attempt to win one’s “place in the sun.” The child has no idea how else to fight for survival in this strange and cruel world, how to protect himself.

Aggressive children are very often suspicious and wary, they like to shift the blame for the quarrel they started onto others. For example, while playing in the sandbox during a walk, two children preparatory group got into a fight. Roma hit Sasha with a shovel. When asked by the teacher why he did this, Roma sincerely answered: “Sasha had a shovel in his hands, and I was very afraid that he would hit me.” According to the teacher, Sasha did not show any intentions to offend or hit Roma, but Roma perceived this situation as threatening.

Such children often cannot assess their own aggressiveness. They do not notice that they instill fear and anxiety in those around them. On the contrary, it seems to them that the whole world wants to offend them. Thus, a vicious circle results: aggressive children fear and hate those around them, and those, in turn, fear them.

At the Doverie PPMS center in the city of Lomonosov, a mini-survey was conducted among older preschoolers, the purpose of which was to find out how they understand aggressiveness. Here are the answers given by aggressive and non-aggressive children (Table 4).

The emotional world of aggressive children is not rich enough; their palette of feelings is dominated by gloomy tones, and the number of reactions even to standard situations is very limited. Most often these are defensive reactions. In addition, children cannot look at themselves from the outside and adequately evaluate their behavior.

Table 4. Understanding of aggression by older preschoolers

Question	Responses from aggressive children	Responses from non-aggressive children
1. Which people do you consider aggressive?	Mom and dad, because they swear, beat, fight (50% of children surveyed)	Indians, bandits, hunters, because they kill people and animals (63% boys, 80% girls)
2. What would you do if you met an aggressive adult?	Started to fight”, “I would hit” (83% of boys, 27% of girls), “I would splash, get dirty” (36% of girls)	I just passed by and turned away" (83% of boys, 40% of girls), "I would call my friends for help" (50% of girls)
3. What would you do if you met an aggressive boy (girl)?	I would fight" (92% of boys, 54% of girls), "I would run away" (36% of girls)	I would leave, run away" (83% boys, 50% girls)
4. Do you consider yourself aggressive?	“No” - 88% of boys, 54% of girls “Yes” - 12% of boys, 46% of girls	“No” 92% of boys, 100% of girls. "Yes" - 8% of boys

Thus, children often adopt aggressive forms parents' behavior.

How to identify an aggressive child

Aggressive children need understanding and support from adults, so our main task is not to make an “accurate” diagnosis, much less “give a label,” but to provide all possible and timely assistance to kid.

As a rule, it is not difficult for educators and teachers to determine which of the children has a higher level of aggressiveness. But in controversial cases, you can use the criteria for determining aggressiveness, which were developed by American psychologists M. Alvord and P. Baker.

Aggression criteria (child observation scheme)
Child:

1. Often loses control of himself.
2. Often argues and quarrels with adults.
3. Often refuses to follow rules.
4. Often deliberately annoys people.
5. Often blames others for his mistakes.
6. Often gets angry and refuses to do anything.
7. Often envious and vindictive.
8. He is sensitive, reacts very quickly to various actions of others (children and adults), which often irritate him.

It can be assumed that a child is aggressive only if at least 4 of the 8 listed signs have been manifested in his behavior for at least 6 months.

A child whose behavior is observed a large number of signs of aggressiveness, the help of a specialist is needed: a psychologist or a doctor.

In addition, in order to identify aggressiveness in a child in a kindergarten group or in a classroom, you can use a special questionnaire developed for educators (Lavrentieva G.P., Titarenko T.M., 1992).

Criteria for aggressiveness in a child (questionnaire)

1. At times it seems that he is possessed by an evil spirit.
2. He cannot remain silent when he is dissatisfied with something.
3. When someone does him harm, he always tries to repay the same.
4. Sometimes he feels like cursing for no reason.
5. It happens that he takes pleasure in breaking toys, smashing something, gutting something.
6. Sometimes he insists on something so much that those around him lose patience.
7. He doesn't mind teasing animals.
8. It's hard to argue with him.
9. He gets very angry when he thinks that someone is making fun of him.
10. Sometimes he has a desire to do something bad, shocking those around him.
11. In response to ordinary orders, he strives to do the opposite.
12. Often grouchy beyond his age.
13. Perceives himself as independent and decisive.
14. Likes to be the first, to command, to subjugate others.
15. Failures cause him severe irritation, the desire to find the guilty.
16. He quarrels easily and gets into fights.
17. Tries to communicate with younger and physically weaker people.
18. He often has bouts of gloomy irritability.
19. Doesn't take into account peers, doesn't yield, doesn't share.
20. I am confident that he will complete any task to the best of his ability.

A positive answer to each proposed statement is scored 1 point.
High aggressiveness - 15-20 points.
Average aggressiveness -7-14 points.
Low aggressiveness -1-6 points.

We present these criteria so that the educator or teacher, having identified an aggressive child, can subsequently develop his own strategy of behavior with him and help him adapt to the children's team.

How to help an aggressive child

Why do you think children fight, bite and push, and sometimes in response to any, even friendly, treatment they “explode” and rage?

There can be many reasons for this behavior. But often children do exactly this because they don’t know how to do otherwise. Unfortunately, their behavioral repertoire is quite meager, and if we give them the opportunity to choose ways of behavior, children will gladly respond to the offer, and our communication with them will become more effective and enjoyable for both parties.

This advice (providing a choice in how to interact) is especially relevant when it comes to aggressive children. Job educators and teachers with this category of children should be carried out in three directions:

1. Working with anger. Teaching aggressive children acceptable ways to express anger.
2. Teaching children the skills of recognition and control, the ability to control themselves in situations that provoke outbursts of anger.
3. Formation of the ability to empathy, trust, sympathy, empathy, etc.

Dealing with anger

What is anger? This is a feeling of intense resentment, which is accompanied by a loss of control over oneself. Unfortunately, in our culture, it is generally accepted that expressing anger is an undignified reaction. Already in childhood This idea is instilled in us by adults - parents, grandparents, teachers. However, psychologists do not recommend holding back this emotion every time, since in this way we can become a kind of “piggy bank of anger.” In addition, having driven anger inside, a person will most likely, sooner or later, still feel the need to throw it out. But not on the one who caused this feeling, but on the one “who turned up at hand” or on the one who is weaker and cannot fight back. Even if we try very hard and do not succumb to the seductive way of “erupting” anger, our “piggy bank,” replenished day by day with new negative emotions, may one day “burst.” Moreover, this does not necessarily end in hysterics and screams. Negative feelings that are released can “settle” inside us, which will lead to various somatic problems: headaches, stomach and cardiovascular diseases. K. Izard (1999) publishes clinical data obtained by Holt, which indicates that a person who constantly suppresses his anger is more at risk of psychosomatic disorders. According to Holt, unexpressed anger can be one of the causes of diseases such as rheumatoid arthritis, urticaria, psoriasis, stomach ulcers, migraines, hypertension, etc.

That is why one must free oneself from anger. Of course, this does not mean that everyone is allowed to fight and bite. We just have to learn ourselves and teach our children how to express anger in acceptable, non-destructive ways.
Since the feeling of anger most often arises as a result of restriction of freedom, then at the moment of the highest “intensity of passions” it is necessary to allow the child to do something that, perhaps, is not usually welcomed by us. Moreover, much depends on the form in which - verbal or physical - the child expresses his anger.

For example, in a situation where a child is angry with a peer and calls him names, you can draw the offender together with him, depict him in the form and in the situation in which the “offended” person wants. If the child knows how to write, you can let him sign the drawing the way he wants, if he doesn’t know how, you can sign it under his dictation. Of course, such work should be carried out one on one with the child, out of sight of the opponent.

This method of working with verbal aggression is recommended by V. Oklender. In her book “Windows into the World of a Child” (M., 1997) she describes her own experience of using this approach. After carrying out such work, children of preschool age (6-7 years old) usually experience relief.

True, in our society such “free” communication is not encouraged, especially the use of swear words and expressions by children in the presence of adults. But as practice shows, without expressing everything that has accumulated in the soul and on the tongue, the child will not calm down. Most likely, he will shout insults in the face of his “enemy,” provoking him to respond to abuse and attracting more and more “spectators.” As a result, the conflict between two children will escalate into a group-wide or even violent fight.

Perhaps a child who is not satisfied with the current situation, who is afraid for one reason or another to enter into open opposition, but nevertheless thirsts for revenge, will choose another path: he will persuade his peers not to play with the offender. This behavior works like a time bomb. A group conflict will inevitably flare up, only it will “mature” longer and involve a larger number of participants. The method proposed by V. Oaklander can help avoid many troubles and will help resolve the conflict situation.

Example
The preparatory group of the kindergarten was attended by two girlfriends - two Alenas: Alena S. and Alena E. They were inseparable from the nursery group, but, nevertheless, they argued endlessly and even fought. One day, when a psychologist came into the group, he saw that Alena S., not listening to the teacher who was trying to calm her down, was throwing everything that came to her hand and shouting that she hated everyone. The arrival of the psychologist could not have come at a more opportune time. Alena S., who really loved going into the psychological office, “allowed herself to be led away.”
In the psychologist's office, she was given the opportunity to choose her own activity. First, she took a huge inflatable hammer and began to hit the walls and floor with all her might, then she pulled out two rattles from the toy box and began to rattle them with delight. Alena did not answer the psychologist’s questions about what happened and who she was angry with, but she gladly agreed to the offer to draw together. The psychologist drew a big house, and the girl exclaimed: “I know, this is our kindergarten!”

No further help from an adult was needed: Alena began to draw and explain her drawings. First, a sandbox appeared in which small figures were located - the children of the group. Nearby there was a flower bed with flowers, a house, and a gazebo. The girl drew more and more small details, as if delaying the moment when she would have to draw something important for her. After some time, she drew a swing and said: “That’s it. I don’t want to draw anymore.” However, after hanging around the office, she again went to the sheet and drew a picture of a very small girl on a swing. When the psychologist asked who it was, Alena first answered that she didn’t know herself, but then added, after thinking: “It’s Alena E.. Let her go for a ride. I let her.” Then she spent a long time coloring her rival’s dress, first drew a bow in her hair, and then even a crown on her head, while explaining how good and kind Alena E. is. But then the artist suddenly stopped and gasped: “Ah!!! Alena fell from the swing! What will happen now? She got her dress dirty! (The dress is painted over with a black pencil with such pressure that even the paper can’t stand it, it tears). Mom and Dad they will scold her today, and maybe even beat her with a belt and put her in a corner. The crown fell off and rolled into the bushes (the painted golden crown suffers the same fate as the dress). face), her hair is disheveled (instead of a neat braid with a bow, a halo of black scribbles appears in the picture). Just think, who’s going to play with her now? There’s no need for her to give orders! I also know how to command. Now let him go wash himself, and we’re not as dirty as she is, we’ll all play together, without her.” Alena, completely satisfied, draws next to the defeated enemy a group of children surrounding the swing on which she, Alena S., is sitting. Then suddenly she draws another figure next to it. “This is Alena E.. She has already washed up,” she explains and asks, “Can I go to the group already?” Returning to the playroom, Alena S., as if nothing had happened, joins the playing guys. What happened in really? Probably, during the walk, the two inseparable Alenas, as always, were fighting for leadership. This time, the sympathies of the “spectators” were on the side of Alena E. Having expressed her anger on paper, her rival calmed down and came to terms with what was happening.

Of course, in this situation it was possible to use another technique, the main thing is that the child had the opportunity to free himself from the overwhelming anger in an acceptable way.

Another way to help children legally express verbal aggression is to play a game of name calling with them. Experience shows that children who have the opportunity to throw out negative emotions with the permission of the teacher, and after this hear something pleasant about themselves, decrease the desire to act aggressively.

Help children in an accessible way The so-called “Bag for Screams” (in other cases - “Cup for Screams”, “Magic Pipe “Scream””, etc.) can express anger, and the teacher can carry out the lesson without hindrance. Before the start of the lesson, each child can go up to the “Scream Bag” and scream into it as loudly as possible. In this way he “gets rid” of his screaming for the duration of the lesson. After the lesson, children can “take back” their cry. Usually at the end of the lesson, the children leave the contents of the “Bag” with jokes and laughter for the teacher as a souvenir.

Every teacher, of course, has many ways of working with verbal manifestations of anger. We have listed only those that have proven effective in our practice. However, children are not always limited to a verbal (verbal) reaction to events. Very often, impulsive children first use their fists, and only then come up with offensive words. In such cases, we should also teach children how to cope with their physical aggression.

An educator or teacher, seeing that the children have “grown up” and are ready to enter into a “fight,” can instantly react and organize, for example, sports competitions in running, jumping, and throwing balls. Moreover, the offenders can be included in one team or be on rival teams. It depends on the situation and the depth of the conflict. At the end of the competition, it is best to have a group discussion during which each child can express the feelings that accompany him while completing the task.

Of course, holding competitions and relay races is not always advisable. In this case, you can use the available tools that need to be equipped for each kindergarten group and each class. Light balls that a child can throw at a target; soft pillows that an angry child can kick and hit; rubber hammers that can be used to hit the wall and floor with all your might; newspapers that can be crumpled and thrown without fear of breaking or destroying anything - all these items can help reduce emotional and muscle tension if we teach children to use them in extreme situations.

It is clear that in a classroom during a lesson a child cannot kick a tin can if he was pushed by a neighbor on his desk. But each student can create, for example, a “Sheet of Anger” (Fig. 2). Usually it is a format sheet that depicts some funny monster with a huge trunk, long ears or eight legs (at the author’s discretion). The owner of the leaf, at the moment of greatest emotional stress, can crush it and tear it. This option will do in the event that a fit of anger seizes the child during a lesson.

However, most often conflict situations arise during changes. Then you can play group games with the children (some of them are described in the section “How to play with aggressive children”). Well, in a kindergarten group it is advisable to have approximately the following arsenal of toys: inflatable dolls, rubber hammers, toy weapons.

True, many adults do not want their children to play with pistols, rifles and sabers, even toy ones. Some mothers do not buy their sons weapons at all, and teachers prohibit them from bringing them to the group. Adults think that playing with weapons provokes children into aggressive behavior and contributes to the emergence and manifestation of cruelty.

However, it’s no secret that even if boys don’t have pistols and machine guns, most of them will still play war, using rulers, sticks, clubs, and tennis rackets instead of toy weapons. The image of a male warrior, living in the imagination of every boy, is impossible without the weapons that adorn him. Therefore, from century to century, from year to year, our children (and not always only boys) play war. And who knows, maybe this is a harmless way to vent your anger. In addition, everyone knows that the forbidden fruit is especially sweet. By persistently prohibiting games with weapons, we thereby help to arouse interest in this type of game. Well, we can advise those parents who are still against pistols, machine guns, and bayonets: let them try to offer their child a worthy alternative. Maybe it will work! Moreover, there are many ways to work with anger and relieve a child’s physical stress. For example, playing with sand, water, clay.

You can make a figurine of your offender from clay (or you can even scratch his name with something sharp), break it, crush it, flatten it between your palms, and then restore it if desired. Moreover, it is precisely the fact that a child, at his own request, can destroy and restore his work that attracts children most of all.

Children also really like playing with sand, as well as with clay. When angry with someone, a child can bury a figurine symbolizing the enemy deep in the sand, jump in this place, pour water into it, and cover it with cubes and sticks. For this purpose, children often use small toys from Kinder Surprises. Moreover, sometimes they first place the figurine in a capsule and only then bury it.

By burying and digging up toys, working with loose sand, the child gradually calms down, returns to playing in a group or invites peers to play sand with him, but in other, not at all aggressive games. Thus the world is restored.

Small pools of water placed in a kindergarten group are a real godsend for a teacher when working with all categories of children, especially aggressive ones.
Much has been written about the psychotherapeutic properties of water. good books, and every adult probably knows how to use water to relieve aggression and unnecessary tension in children. Here are some examples playing with water , which were invented by the children themselves.

1. Use one rubber ball to knock down other balls floating on the water.
2. Blow a boat out of a pipe. First, sink it, and then watch how a light plastic figure “jumps” out of the water.
3. Use a stream of water to knock down light toys that are in the water (for this you can use shampoo bottles filled with water).

We looked at the first direction in working with aggressive children, which can roughly be called “working with anger.” I would like to note that anger does not necessarily lead to aggression, but the more often a child or adult experiences feelings of anger, the higher the likelihood of various forms of aggressive behavior.

Training in recognizing and controlling negative emotions
The next very responsible and no less important area is learning the skills of recognizing and controlling negative emotions. An aggressive child does not always admit that he is aggressive. Moreover, deep down in his soul he is sure of the opposite: everyone around him is aggressive. Unfortunately, such children cannot always adequately assess their condition, much less the condition of those around them.
As noted above, the emotional world of aggressive children is very scarce. They can hardly name just a few basic emotional states, and they don’t even imagine the existence of others (or their shades). It is not difficult to guess that in this case it is difficult for children to recognize their own and other people's emotions.

To train the skill of recognizing emotional states, you can use cut-out templates, sketches by M.I. Chistyakova (1990), exercises and games developed by N.L. Kryazheva (1997), as well as large tables and posters depicting various emotional states.

In a group or class where such a poster is located, children will definitely come up to it before the start of classes and indicate their condition, even if the teacher does not ask them to do so, since each of them is pleased to draw the attention of an adult to themselves.

You can teach children to carry out the reverse procedure: they themselves can come up with the names of the emotional states depicted on the poster. Children must indicate what mood the funny people are in.

Another way to teach a child to recognize his emotional state and develop the need to talk about it is through drawing. Children can be asked to make drawings on the topics: “When I am angry”, “When I am happy”, “When I am happy”, etc. To this end, place on an easel (or simply on a large sheet on the wall) pre-drawn figures of people depicted in various situations, but without drawn faces. Then the child can, if desired, come up and complete the drawing.

In order for children to be able to correctly assess their condition, and at the right time to manage it, it is necessary to teach each child to understand himself, and, above all, the sensations of his body. First, you can practice in front of a mirror: let the child say what mood he is in at the moment and how he feels. Children are very sensitive to the signals of their body and easily describe them. For example, if a child is angry, he most often defines his condition as follows: “My heart is pounding, my stomach is tickling, I want to scream in my throat, my fingers feel like needles are pricking me, my cheeks are hot, my palms are itching, etc.”

We can teach children to accurately assess their emotional state, and therefore, respond in a timely manner to the signals that the body gives us. Denis the Menace director Dave Rogers draws the audience's attention to hidden signal who serves main character film - six-year-old Denis. Every time before the boy gets into trouble, we see his restless running fingers, which the operator shows close-up. Then we see the child’s “burning” eyes, and only after this does another prank follow.

Thus, the child, if he correctly “deciphers” the message of his body, will be able to understand: “My condition is close to critical. Wait for the storm.” And if the child also knows several acceptable ways to express anger, he can have time to accept correct solution, thereby preventing conflict.

Of course, teaching a child to recognize his emotional state and its management will be successful only if it is carried out systematically, day after day, for quite a long time.

In addition to the methods of work already described, the teacher can use others: talking with the child, drawing and, of course, playing. The section “How to play with aggressive children” describes games recommended in such situations, but I would like to talk about one of them in more detail.

We first became acquainted with this game by reading K. Fopel’s book “How to teach children to cooperate” (M., 1998). It's called "Pebble in a Shoe." At first, the game seemed to us quite difficult for preschoolers, and we offered it to teachers of grades 1 and 2 for use during extracurricular activities. However, having felt the interest of the guys and serious attitude to the game, we tried to play it in kindergarten. I liked the game. Moreover, very soon it moved from the category of games to the category of daily rituals, the implementation of which became absolutely necessary for the successful course of life in the group.

It is useful to play this game when one of the children is offended, angry, upset, when internal experiences prevent the child from doing something, when a conflict is brewing in the group. Each participant has the opportunity to verbalize, that is, express in words, their state during the game, and communicate it to others. This helps reduce his emotional stress. If there are several instigators of an impending conflict, they will be able to hear about each other’s feelings and experiences, which may help smooth out the situation.

The game takes place in two stages.

Stage 1 (preparatory). Children sit in a circle on the carpet. The teacher asks: “Guys, has it ever happened that a pebble got into your shoe?” Usually children answer the question very actively, since almost every child 6-7 years old has a similar life experience. In a circle, everyone shares their impressions of how this happened. As a rule, the answers boil down to the following: “At first the pebble doesn’t really bother us, we try to move it away, find a comfortable position for the leg, but pain and discomfort gradually increases, a wound or callus may even appear. And then, even if we really don’t want to, we "We have to take off the shoe and shake out the pebble. It is almost always very tiny, and we are even surprised how such a small object could cause us such great pain. It seemed to us that there was a huge stone with sharp edges like a razor blade."

Next, the teacher asks the children: “Has it ever happened that you never shook out a pebble, but when you came home, you simply took off your shoes?” The children answer that this has already happened to many people. Then the pain in the leg freed from the shoe subsided, the incident was forgotten. But the next morning, putting our foot into the shoe, we suddenly felt a sharp pain when we came into contact with the ill-fated pebble. Pain, more intense than the day before, resentment, anger - these are the feelings children usually experience. So a small problem becomes a big nuisance.

Stage 2. The teacher tells the children: “When we are angry, preoccupied with something, excited, we perceive it as a small pebble in a shoe. If we immediately feel discomfort and pull it out of there, then the foot will remain unharmed. And if we leave the pebble in place, then We will most likely have problems, and quite a lot of them. Therefore, it is useful for all people - both adults and children - to talk about their problems as soon as they notice them.

Let's agree: if one of you says: “I have a pebble in my shoe,” we will all immediately understand that something is bothering you, and we can talk about it. Think about whether you now feel any displeasure, something that would bother you. If you feel it, tell us, for example: “I have a pebble in my shoe. I don’t like that Oleg breaks my buildings made of cubes.” Tell me what else you don't like. If nothing bothers you, you can say: “I don’t have a pebble in my shoe.”

In a circle, children tell what is bothering them at the moment and describe their feelings. It is useful to discuss individual “pebbles” that children will talk about in a circle. In this case, each participant in the game offers a peer who is in a difficult situation a way to get rid of the “pebble.”

After playing this game several times, children subsequently feel the need to talk about their problems. In addition, the game helps the teacher to carry out the educational process smoothly. After all, if children are worried about something, this “something” will not allow them to sit calmly in class and absorb the information. If the children get the opportunity to speak out and “let off steam,” then they can calmly begin their studies. The game "Pebble in a Shoe" is especially useful for anxious children. Firstly, if you play it every day, even very shy child will get used to it and gradually begin to talk about its difficulties (since this is not a new or dangerous, but a familiar and repetitive activity). Secondly, an anxious child, listening to stories about the problems of his peers, will understand that not only he suffers from fears, uncertainty, and resentment. It turns out that other children have the same problems as him. This means that he is the same as everyone else, no worse than everyone else. There is no need to isolate yourself, because any situation, even the most difficult, can be resolved through joint efforts. And the children who surround him are not at all evil and are always ready to help.

When the child learns to recognize his own emotions and talk about them, you can move on to the next stage of work.

Formation of the ability to empathy, trust, sympathy, compassion

Aggressive children tend to have low levels of empathy. Empathy is the ability to feel the state of another person, the ability to take his position. Aggressive children most often do not care about the suffering of others; they cannot even imagine that other people might feel unpleasant and bad. It is believed that if the aggressor can sympathize with the “victim,” his aggression will be weaker next time. Therefore, the work of a teacher in developing a child’s sense of empathy is so important.

One form of such work can be role-playing play, during which the child gets the opportunity to put himself in the place of others and evaluate his behavior from the outside. For example, if a quarrel or fight occurred in a group, you can sort out this situation in a circle by inviting the Kitten and Tiger Cub or any literary characters known to children to visit. In front of the children, the guests act out a quarrel similar to the one that occurred in the group, and then ask the children to reconcile them. Children offer various ways out of conflict. You can divide the guys into two groups, one of which speaks on behalf of the Tiger Cub, the other on behalf of the Kitten. You can give children the opportunity to choose for themselves whose position they would like to take and whose interests they would like to defend. Whatever specific form role playing game Whatever you choose, it is important that in the end children will acquire the ability to take the position of another person, recognize his feelings and experiences, and learn how to behave in difficult situations. life situations. A general discussion of the problem will help unite the children’s team and establish a favorable psychological climate in Group.

During such discussions, you can play out other situations that most often cause conflicts in a team: how to react if a friend does not give you the toy you need, what to do if you are teased, what to do if you were pushed and you fell, etc. Purposeful and Patient work in this direction will help the child to be more understanding of the feelings and actions of others and learn to adequately relate to what is happening.

In addition, you can invite children to organize a theater, asking them to act out certain situations, for example: “How Malvina quarreled with Pinocchio.” However, before showing any scene, children should discuss why the characters in the fairy tale behaved in one way or another. It is necessary that they try to put themselves in the place of fairy-tale characters and answer the questions: “What did Pinocchio feel when Malvina put him in the closet?”, “What did Malvina feel when she had to punish Pinocchio?” and etc.

Such conversations will help children realize how important it is to be in the shoes of a rival or offender in order to understand why he acted the way he did. Having learned to empathize with the people around him, an aggressive child will be able to get rid of suspicion and suspiciousness, which cause so much trouble both for the “aggressor” himself and for those who are close to him. And as a result, he will learn to take responsibility for his actions, and not blame others.

True, adults working with aggressive child, it also won’t hurt to get rid of the habit of blaming him for all mortal sins. For example, if a child throws toys in anger, you can, of course, tell him: “You are a scoundrel! You are nothing but problems. You always interfere with all the children’s play!” But such a statement is unlikely to reduce the emotional stress of the “bastard.” On the contrary, a child who is already sure that no one needs him and that the whole world is against him will become even more angry. In this case, it is much more useful to tell your child about your feelings, using the pronoun “I” rather than “you”. For example, instead of “Why didn’t you put the toys away?”, you can say: “I get upset when the toys are scattered.”

This way you do not blame the child for anything, do not threaten him, or even evaluate his behavior. You talk about yourself, about your feelings. As a rule, such an adult’s reaction first shocks the child, who expects a hail of reproaches against him, and then gives him a feeling of trust. There is an opportunity for constructive dialogue.

Working with parents of an aggressive child

When working with aggressive children, the educator or teacher must first establish contact with the family. He can either give recommendations to parents himself, or tactfully invite them to seek help from psychologists.

There are situations when contact with the mother or father cannot be established. In such cases, we recommend using visual information that can be placed in the parent corner. Table 5 below may serve as an example of such information.

A similar table or other visual information can become a starting point for parents to think about their child and the reasons for negative behavior. And these reflections, in turn, may lead to cooperation with educators and the teacher.

Table 5 Parenting styles (in response to the child’s aggressive actions)

Parenting strategy	Specific examples of strategy	Child's behavior style	Why does the child do this?
Drastic suppression of a child’s aggressive behavior	Stop it!" "Don't you dare say that." Parents punish child	Aggressive (The child can stop now but will throw out his negative emotions at another time and in another place)	The child copies his parents and learns aggressive forms of behavior from them.
Ignoring your child's aggressive outbursts	Parents pretend not to notice the child’s aggression or believe that the child is still small	Aggressive (Child continues to act aggressively)	The child thinks he is doing everything right, and aggressive forms of behavior become a character trait.
Parents give the child the opportunity to express aggression in an acceptable way and tactfully forbid them to behave aggressively towards others.	If parents see that the child is angry, they can involve him in a game that will relieve his anger. Parents explain to the child how to behave in certain situations	Most likely, the child will learn to manage his anger	The child learns to analyze various situations and takes an example from his tactful parents

The main goal of such information is to show parents that one of the reasons for the manifestation of aggression in children may be the aggressive behavior of the parents themselves. If there is constant arguing and screaming in the house, it is difficult to expect that the child will suddenly be flexible and calm. In addition, parents should be aware of the consequences of those or other disciplinary actions on the child are expected in the near future and when the child enters adolescence.

How to get along with a child who constantly behaves defiantly? Useful tips We found it for parents on the pages of R. Campbell’s book “How to Deal with a Child’s Anger” (M., 1997). We recommend that both teachers and parents read this book. R. Campbell identifies five ways to control a child’s behavior: two of them are positive, two are negative and one is neutral. Positive methods include requests and gentle physical manipulation (for example, you can distract the child, take him by the hand and lead him away, etc.).

Behavior modification, a neutral method of control, involves the use of rewards (for following certain rules) and punishment (for ignoring them). But this system should not be used too often, since subsequently the child begins to do only what he receives a reward for.

Frequent punishments and orders are negative ways of controlling a child’s behavior. They force him to excessively suppress his anger, which contributes to the appearance of passive-aggressive traits in his character. What is passive aggression, and what dangers does it pose? This is a hidden form of aggression, its purpose is to enrage, upset parents or loved ones, and the child can cause harm not only to others, but also to himself. He will deliberately begin to study poorly, in retaliation for his parents he will wear things that they do not like, and he will act up on the street for no reason. The main thing is to unbalance the parents. To eliminate such forms of behavior, a system of rewards and punishments must be thought out in every family. When punishing a child, it is necessary to remember that this measure of influence should in no case humiliate the dignity of the son or daughter. Punishment should follow directly after the offense, and not every other day, not every other week. Punishment will only have an effect if the child himself believes that he deserves it; in addition, one cannot be punished twice for the same offense.

There is another way efficient work with the anger of a child, although it may not always be used. If parents know their son or daughter well, they can defuse the situation during the child's emotional outburst with an appropriate joke. The unexpectedness of such a reaction and the friendly tone of an adult will help the child get out of a difficult situation with dignity.

For parents who do not have a good understanding of how they or their children may express their anger, we recommend posting the following visual information on a display in the classroom or group (Table 6).

Table 6 "Positive and negative ways of expressing anger" (recommendations by Dr. R. Campbell)

Cheat sheet for adults or rules for working with aggressive children

1. Be attentive to the needs and needs of the child.
2. Demonstrate a model of non-aggressive behavior.
3. Be consistent in punishing the child, punish for specific actions.
4. Punishments should not humiliate a child.
5. Teach acceptable ways to express anger.
6. Giving your child the opportunity to express anger immediately after a frustrating event.
7. Learn to recognize your own emotional state and the state of those around you.
8. Develop the ability to empathize.
9. Expand the child’s behavioral repertoire.
10. Practice your response skills in conflict situations.
11. Learn to take responsibility.

However, all of the listed methods and techniques will not lead to positive changes if they are one-time in nature. Inconsistency in parental behavior can lead to worsening child behavior. Patience and attention to the child, his needs and requirements, constant development of communication skills with others - this is what will help parents establish relationships with their son or daughter.
Patience and good luck to you, dear parents!

Lyutova E.K., Monina G.B. Cheat sheet for adults

In child psychology, aggression is a child's behavior that causes physical, psychological or objective harm to another person, object or environment, even if the attempt to cause harm ends in failure.

Expression of aggression may occur different ways, including verbal abuse, damage to personal property and physical contact. According to the findings, children with aggressive behavior tend to be irritable, impulsive and restless.

At the moment, there is no single answer about the causes of aggression in children. Many psychologists believe that behavior is an innate and instinctive problem. Others suggest that the loss of generally accepted values, a change in principles traditional family, inadequate parenting and social distance lead to the expression of aggression in children, adolescents and adults. Aggression in children is correlated with unemployment in the family, riots on the street, crime, and psychiatric disorders.

Forms and goals of aggression in children

Currently, experts distinguish different shapes, goals and types of aggression. Behavior can take various shapes:

Physical;

Verbal;

Mental;

Emotional.

It can be provoked to achieve various goals:

Express anger or hostility;

To assert superiority;

To intimidate others;

To achieve your goal;

Be the answer to fear;

Be a reaction to pain.

Modern psychologists distinguish 2 types of aggression in a child:

Impulsive - affective, committed in the stage of passion. Aggression is characterized by strong emotions, uncontrollable anger, and a hysterical state. This form of behavior is not planned, it arises and happens in the heat of the moment.

Instrumental - predatory. Aggression is characterized by various manipulators that are aimed at achieving a more important goal. Instrumental aggression is often a planned action and exists as a means to an end. By causing inconvenience to another person, for example by breaking a toy, the child moves towards the goal of buying a new, more interesting toy for himself.

It has been observed that children with lower levels of development are more prone to unplanned, impulsive aggression. Children demonstrating predatory aggression know how to manage, plan and purposefully achieve their goals using aggression.

In psychology, there is a difference between the levels of aggression in boys and girls. Boys are almost always more aggressive than girls. Big children are more aggressive than small children. Active and intrusive children are more aggressive than passive or very calm ones.

All children age groups Aggressive behavior is a powerful way to convey your desires to others, as well as a way to express your likes and dislikes.

Reasons for aggression in children at different ages

Infancy. Babies are aggressive when they are very hungry, in an extremely uncomfortable position, or when they are afraid, sick, or in pain. Parents may state that an infant's aggression can be assessed by the volume and tone of their voice. But this opinion is wrong. A baby's cry is a defense, it is a way of communication, conveying feelings and needs. It cannot be called a manifestation of aggression.

Toddler age. Children from 2 to 4 years old show outbursts of aggression with hysterics, causing pain to their peers, adults, and damaging toys and furniture. Most often, aggression at this age occurs towards adults as a way to achieve some goal. Speech aggression allows you to increase the child’s vocabulary.

Preschool age. Children from 4 to 6 years old may show hostility towards their brothers and sisters, as well as peers. Due to social interaction, children develop imaginary and real grievances. They force the child to stand up for himself and cause attacking anger - aggression.

Aggression in children and predisposition to violence

If a preschooler behaves hostilely with familiar children, adults and even animals, is often hypersensitive, easily offended, quickly becomes angry and cannot calm down for a long time, he may have a predisposition to violent behavior.

The preschooler has not yet learned to be responsible for his behavior and, as a rule, blames others for his actions. Parents should pay serious attention and take measures to correct the situation.

Preschool children tend to have short periods of aggressive behavior because they misunderstand that they are causing harm, are tired, or are stressed. If the behavior continues for several weeks, parents should consult with their doctor and psychologist and eradicate the problem.

Factors that increase the risk of violent behavior

Parents and teachers should be extremely careful if:

The child has become a victim of physical and sexual abuse;

There was domestic violence;

If a child regularly sees violence on the TV screen, in the media, among neighbors living next door;

If parents use drugs and alcohol;

If there are firearms in the house;

If the family is low-income, going through a stressful period, or is on the verge of breaking up the marriage;

If the parent is a single mother, parents who have lost their jobs;

If brain injury was present.

Parents can teach their child to be tolerant and manage their emotions. However, if parents openly express their anger in front of their child, show rude assertiveness and irritability, the child will follow the example of his parents and will not be responsible for his behavior. Responsible parenting does not tolerate any form of violence and prevents it in any way. possible ways.

Stimulants of aggression in children

Psychologists say that when children lose dialogue with their peers, they feel tense, scared and isolated. This is the case when aggression towards peers, even strangers, can be unintentionally manifested. Parents must pay attention to the child’s behavior and promptly stop any attempts at aggressive behavior. When children overcome the feeling of isolation, they become friendly and do not show aggression.

Aggression may be a byproduct bad upbringing. If a child does not receive the necessary attention from parents, teachers and peers, and is also exposed to violence, he becomes uncontrollable and aggressive. If parents ignore the behavior or unconsciously accept it as normal, this can further encourage aggression.

For many children, aggressive behavior is a symptom of the manic stage of bipolar disorder. It can manifest itself as irritability that develops against a background of depression.

Sometimes children are aggressive towards peers out of fear or suspicion. This disorder occurs when schizophrenia, paranoia, or other psychotic conditions are present.

Aggression can also be a byproduct of an inability to cope with emotions, especially disappointment. The disorder occurs in autistic and mentally retarded children. If such children are disappointed in something, they cannot correct their emotions or effectively talk about the current situation, and therefore they show aggression.

Children with ADHD or other destructive disorders may also display aggressive behavior against a background of misunderstanding and impulsivity, especially when social principles are violated.

Psychologists say: in order to eliminate aggressive behavior, it is necessary to determine the main cause and basic factors - stimulants of aggression.

Then teach your parents effective ways manage the child’s behavior without the slightest hint of aggression or punishment. It is important to have positive contact with the child, to encourage good behavior, rather than focusing only on the difficult parts of parenting.

In the family, special rules of behavior must be created and observed that are suitable for the child’s age, reasonable and meaningful to those close to them. Parents must learn to be logical in behavior and decision making. Maintain the ability to control emotions in any, even the most unexpected situations.

Research has shown that physical punishment do not solve, but aggravate the problem of aggressive behavior. If parents use punishment in the family, children:

They do not know how to control their behavior;

They experience a feeling of fear and fear of disobeying their parents, but at the same time they become hooligans more often;

Have an increased risk of developing mental health disorders in adulthood;

They become predisposed to violence, bullying their future spouse and their own children;

The quality of relationships with parents is lost.

Psychologists believe that a common problem for all parents is that children fight with sisters and brothers and show aggression towards unfamiliar children. During childhood, children often have disagreements and conflicts. Children have different needs, desires and ways of doing things - this property makes them unique.

Parents should teach children to learn social and emotional behavior management skills. If a child loves wrestling and is very active, parents can invite him to take up martial arts, judo, or any type of wrestling. Sports will teach the little fidget the right techniques fighting, safe methods of self-defense.

IN preschool age Children should be taught to find peaceful ways to prevent aggression. Help them correctly express their emotions, understand the basic needs of other people, understand and feel the situation and the surrounding environment.