We all try to be polite and follow the rules of etiquette in public life. And when we come home, we allow ourselves to relax and “throw off our masks.” We often forget that a family is a small society, and each family member is an individual, and at home it is also necessary to behave according to the rules.
Family etiquette is not a set of rules or laws that must be followed. These are some simple tips that can help maintain a strong, happy family.
1. Respect
It’s so simple to be attentive and caring with your loved ones, but for some reason we forget about it when we get home. Put up with annoying or bad habits, take into account tastes, respect opinions, respect the personal space of all family members. Sometimes it seems that simple words“Please”, “thank you”, “sorry” are not needed, you can do without them, and your family will understand everything anyway. Yes, sometimes we actually do without them. But our relatives will be pleased that their help and participation are appreciated and that they are told about it.
It is especially important to respect the older generation and listen to their opinions. Mutual respect is a primary component of family etiquette; it will ensure mutual understanding and simplify the family’s cohabitation.
2. Don’t wash dirty linen in public
Another aspect of mutual respect is resolving conflicts that arise. Every family has disagreements, problems and quarrels. But you shouldn’t “wash your dirty linen in public” and let your friends, other relatives, and especially your colleagues at work know about your problems. In addition, placing all the blame on your spouse. According to etiquette, husband and wife solve their problems themselves, without dragging their parents or, especially, children into the dispute.
And the parents of the spouses, in turn, should not interfere in the personal lives of their children. These are adults with their own families, and you don’t need to make your own opinions or judgements. Even if your son/daughter directly asks for advice on what to do, you should be very careful and delicate in your advice. The young people will make peace, but the relationship with you may deteriorate. Remember that negativity and mistrust destroy a family.
3. Personal space
Whatever it is big family, everyone has the right to personal space, a place where they can be alone. This also includes the presence of personal inviolable items.
Of course, every family has its own rules, but psychologists advise knocking when you enter the room of another family member. Especially when you have children - teenagers, for whom the importance of personal space increases greatly.
Don’t judge your family’s hobbies: musical preferences, favorite books, TV series; let your husband go fishing and your wife do shopping.
Maintain confidentiality of correspondence. According to etiquette, parents should not read letters intended for their children. If, in order to protect your child from dangerous hobbies, you have looked through his mail, do not even think about telling him about it or reproaching him with anything. Spouses should do the same towards each other. Don’t rummage through the pockets of your loved ones, don’t open personal correspondence, don’t rummage through your phone.
4. "Fathers and Sons"
Very often, the cause of conflicts is the cohabitation of spouses and their parents in an apartment. A young couple can be advised to be as polite as possible towards the older generation. Try to listen to the opinions of more experienced people who have seen life.
If you have difficulty addressing your spouse’s parents, if you do not want or cannot call your mother-in-law or mother-in-law mom, contact them by their first and patronymic names. Such treatment will be more correct in etiquette.
It is advisable for the parents of a young couple to interfere minimally in their lives, and only when you are directly asked to do so. There is no need to take part in parties if your children are visiting. You can go out and say hello and don’t disturb us any further.
If you yourself are expecting guests, then warn other family members about this in advance.
And, of course, do not forget about mutual politeness.
5. Quarrels
In living together, quarrels and conflicts cannot be avoided. But even in a quarrel, try to respect each other. Put yourself in the shoes of another family member, evaluate your behavior, maybe the problem is you. Even in a quarrel, control your feelings: do not raise your voice, do not use harsh expressions. Words can hurt a person and leave an unpleasant aftertaste in his soul for a long time.
It is very important to protect children from family “squabbles”. It is under no circumstances acceptable for a child to witness the quarrels and scandals of his parents. This is not only a bad example, but also a blow to the fragile child’s psyche.
If a quarrel arises between children, parents are obliged to intervene and act as an objective arbiter. You can't leave children to sort things out among themselves. It is necessary to consider the problem from both sides and help children resolve the conflict. And in the future, the children themselves will ask you to help with their life problems.
6. Raising children is self-education
No matter how you raise your children, they will still follow your example. If you want your child to become better, make yourself better. If you drink and smoke, it is difficult to expect that your child will avoid it, despite your prohibitions. If you swear all the time and bully everyone, then your child is unlikely to be a calm, polite boy. Start with yourself, make yourself better, at least in the presence of children.
7. Feeling of unity
Well, the last piece of advice, but the most important one is that family is most important. Nurture in your children and in every possible way support the idea of community and unity. This is the key to strong and happy family.
If all family members try to get along with each other and avoid conflicts, peace and harmony will always reign in the house.
title card
Content
1. Etiquette - The concept of etiquette……………………………………………………….3
2. Facial expressions and gestures……………………………………………………………………..3
3. Label paraphernalia…………………………………………………………….…5
4. Marital etiquette…………………………………………………………………………………6
5. Criticism in the family……………………………………………………………….7
6. Commandments for spouses………………………………………………………8
7. The problem of the “head of the family”……………………………………………………………10
8. Etiquette of a family dispute……………………………………………………………..11
9. Confrontation “Mother-in-law and Son-in-law”, “Mother-in-law and Daughter-in-law”………………………....12
10. Your home………………………………………………………………………………………..13
11. Etiquette standards for communication between parents and children……………………………………15
12. Children………………………………………………………………………………...16
13. Choosing a child’s name…………………………………………………………….16
14. Raising a child……………………………………………………………….17
15. List of references…………………………………………….20
The term “etiquette” (from the French etiquette) means the form, manner of behavior, rules of courtesy and politeness accepted in a particular society. Etiquette is a combination of formal rules of behavior in predetermined situations with common sense, the rationality of the content embedded in them.
What is the practical significance of etiquette? Etiquette allows people without special effort enjoy already ready-made forms politeness adopted in a given society by different groups of people and at different levels. Etiquette these days (modern etiquette) describes the behavior of people in everyday life, at work, in in public places and on the street, at guests and at various kinds of official events - receptions, ceremonies, negotiations.
Scientists identify the following classification of the etiquette subsystem:
1. Speech or verbal etiquette.
2. Speech etiquette determines which verbal formulas are best to use if necessary: to greet, congratulate, thank, make amends, make a request to someone, invite somewhere, express condolences. Speech etiquette also includes the theory and practice of argumentation - the art of conducting a conversation.
Facial expressions and gestures .
Many nations have their own specific gestures of greeting, farewell, agreement, denial, and surprise. Let's say, a well-known and generally positive gesture when we raise up thumb, among some peoples has the same meaning, as if we raised not a big one, but middle finger. These gestures can have different colors: neutral, ritually solemn, familiarly vulgar. People also express their attitude towards the interlocutor and the topic of conversation with the help of facial expressions, smiles, and the direction of their gaze.
Organization of space in etiquette (or etiquette proxemics).
The relative position of interlocutors in space is very important in etiquette. Everyone has heard about personal space, that it depends on many factors: not only on personality and nationality, but also on the area of residence. Let's say that for rural residents it is much higher than for city residents. You need to know which place in the house or at the table is considered honorable (it, as a rule, has an owner in the person of the head of the family), what poses are acceptable in a given situation.
Label paraphernalia(or the world of things in etiquette).
Label paraphernalia includes, first of all, clothing, jewelry and headwear, as well as gifts, flowers, Business Cards. Etiquette is usually understood as a set of rules of behavior in which, one way or another, a person’s attitude towards other people is manifested. Etiquette is extremely dependent on the specific situation. The choice of our words, the use of gestures and facial expressions depend on the situation. What we usually say to our friends and co-workers is not worth hearing to the boss (especially if the conversation is about him), because there is Great chance being misinterpreted is natural and understandable. Etiquette situations can be associated with everyday communication, with holiday events, with the performance of certain rituals or with special circumstances.
The modern world requires from a modern person specific skills of behavior and communication when he finds himself in certain situations. Does he travel abroad, enter into business and personal relationships? is present at diplomatic receptions, presentations or opening days. Modern man in the modern world, he leads a life that requires establishing contacts with people who speak other languages and are associated with distant, sometimes exotic and incomprehensible cultures. This creates new requirements for behavior, appearance, and language. It requires a scrupulous study of not only your own, but also other cultures.
Etiquette is more reminiscent not of a strict black suit and James Bond bow tie, but of rules traffic. For example, if you are alone in the room, you can say anything and everything you want about “what they are all like...” You can scream, spit, pick your nose, or eat scrambled eggs with your hands. The main thing is that you won’t surprise or offend anyone by doing this, no one will express their opinion to you in response. You did not violate anything because you acted in accordance with the rules acceptable in your Personal Society. But as soon as another person appears next to you, you need to take into account his opinion when taking this or that action.
It should be noted that a tactful and well-mannered person behaves in accordance with the norms of etiquette not only at official ceremonies, but also at home. Genuine politeness, which is based on goodwill, is determined by an act, a sense of proportion, suggesting what can and cannot be done under certain circumstances. Such a person will never violate public order, will not offend another by word or deed, will not insult his dignity.
There are often people who have more than one standard of behavior: in public there is one thing, but at home it is exactly the opposite (this kind of duality of behavior is quite low, but, alas, a common phenomenon). In the presence of colleagues (at work or a corporate party), with acquaintances or those whom they call friends (and even more so with their superiors), such individuals are sickly polite and helpful. But at home, with loved ones, they are rude, cruel and hot-tempered like gunpowder (usually over the most insignificant occasion). This indicates a person’s low culture or, rather, its complete absence and poor upbringing.
Marital etiquette.
Good manners sometimes simply give in to the heap of life's difficulties. But the opinion that psychological comfort determines everyday comfort may not be the ultimate truth. Without psychological comfort, normal human life and normal work are impossible. And this comfort begins precisely in the family, therefore observance of family and marital etiquette should occupy one of the most important places in the life of each “unit of society.”
There is a common misconception among men that gallantry towards one’s own wife can be regarded as the weakness of a henpecked man. As a result of this, a situation often arises in which a husband is too polite towards all the women he knows except his wife, but it is in relation to the person closest to us that we recognize a true man. In addition, a respectful attitude towards your wife is also a tribute to yourself, because a wife is “the husband’s half.”
The “indisputable” duties of a husband, which can be equated to the mandatory regalia of diplomatic or court etiquette, include:
1. give a coat to your wife, both at home and in a public place.
2. do not read at the dinner table.
3. even if he is against kissing women’s hands, sometimes it is possible and even necessary to kiss his wife’s hand.
4. At the evening, the first dance is to dance with my wife.
5. compliment your wife: always notice your wife’s new dress and say something nice about it.
6. always let your wife pass first when going through the door; give her small gifts even for no reason, from time to time, buying flowers.
7. in her presence, do not look behind other women.
8. do not use the argument “I earn and demand.”
9. do not walk around the apartment half dressed.
10. When leaving home during non-working hours, inform your wife about the purpose of leaving and the time of return.
11.praise the lunch.
12. sometimes take an interest in what his wife was doing while he was not at home.
Talk to your wife in general, and not limit yourself to just a “business” conversation.
Criticism in the family.
There are types of critical husbands. They show their “attention” to their wife, tirelessly criticizing her appearance, dress, character traits, friends, tastes, and method of raising children. Living with such a spouse is not very fun. The husband must realize that sooner or later this kind and volume of criticism cools the feelings of the woman in love.
Less common, but there are also critical wives. Therefore, some tactical advice for such a wife:
1. when choosing toilets, take into account the tastes of your husband, and not just your own and your friends.
cook more often what my husband likes.
2. do not use his “sacred objects”: do not take an electric razor without permission, do not clean out his drawer, do not rummage through his briefcase.
3. without blinking an eye, listen to his stories in society, even if she has known all of them for a long time. Don't interrupt your husband. Telling a joke with the words “Everyone knows him!” Do not question his competence in the subject of conversation.
4. do not criticize him in the presence of children.
do not closely monitor, because control loved one can be especially offensive.
5. do not object to his natural affection for his mother.
6. sometimes give him a compliment, listen to his advice.
7. do not invite guests whom he does not like, and do not accept invitations that will be unpleasant to him.
8. It is better for a woman who got married for the second time not to remember out loud the merits of her first husband.
Commandments for spouses .
In his bestseller How to Win Friends and Influence People, American writer Dale Carnegie pays special attention to marital etiquette. An entire chapter is devoted to this issue.
It is based on six rules:
1. No need to find fault
2. Don't try to change your spouse.
3. Don't criticize
4. Express your sincere gratitude to each other
5. Show each other little signs of affection.
6. Be proactive
In case of a protracted conflict or frequently recurring quarrels, each party needs to think about their own behavior. After all, as a rule, in a quarrel it is not really about a broken plate. A person who is a constant initiator of quarrels, after self-analysis, often comes to the conclusion that “his nerves are no good for anything.” It often happens that you manage to realize the true cause of nervousness, and life gets better. Worth a try.
In cases where quarrels arise between spouses without end and without apparent reason, sometimes a decisive measure is taken - a proposal for divorce. But it should be resorted to only in extreme cases. By following certain rules in discussions, disaster can be avoided. Here are some of them.
You should never present your claims in an ironic tone - such a tone offends and causes instinctive protest. Almost everything you would like to say can be said in a cordial tone, in a businesslike, polite and calm manner. This is the only correct tone in the family, because we speak in order to receive a response. The aggressive tone and intonation of the order are completely non-contact. Capricious intonations, irony and sarcasm are poorly perceived. Frank compassion does not justify itself, even if there really is something to feel sorry for a person for.
You should also avoid omissions that make mutual understanding difficult. It’s better not to tire your loved ones with constant comments. A remark about something should be made once and then in a friendly tone. Repeating it, especially louder than before, does not bring success: it is unlikely that the partner does not remember the remark; if he does not react, it means either he does not want to or cannot, and nothing can be done about it.
In a dispute between two people, the opinions of third parties should never come up. A completely calm and friendly conversation between spouses often turns into a scandal as soon as one of its participants refers to the opinion of his mother or someone else. In family discussions, you should avoid various kinds of generalizations like “You always...”. You need to talk about a certain fact or case, and only about them.
Claims kill love. Therefore, you should resort to them as rarely as possible. The instinctive reaction of the person to whom we make complaints is the desire to isolate themselves from us. Repeating them frequently can actually lead to rupture. Close people can be forgiven for their oddities or non-compliance with any rules, because we are all not without shortcomings. What has been said does not at all mean a call for slavish forgiveness. Demanding a lot from himself, a person has the right to expect the same from his loved ones. But for such a requirement one must always find the appropriate form and time.
“Short circuits” in the family cannot be avoided. It is important that they are really short. Mutual apologies should be made as quickly as possible and normal relations restored. After reconciliation, the cause of the quarrel and the quarrel itself should be completely forgotten. Of course, there are situations when it is necessary, after reconciliation, to clarify individual mutual positions, but, if possible, this should be avoided. It is best to extinguish the quarrel and not fan the ashes.
You shouldn’t catch a loved one in an imaginary lie, catch him in something, or strive to comprehend “the whole truth.” Sometimes such a truth can come as an unpleasant surprise to us; a partner prefers not to talk about it, and “backed up against the wall” sometimes blurts out what he was thinking “to himself.” Good family manners require that every statement from your partner be taken on faith. Of course, following all the above tips is a very difficult task. But they can really help to bypass, if not all, then many of the reefs in the stormy sea of married life.
The problem of the "head of the family"
In modern European society, the issue of hierarchies in family relationships has not been a complex or insoluble problem for quite some time. For a twenty-first century family, it is not of fundamental importance which spouse leads it. Equality in marital relations is confirmed by the relatively equal performance of household duties by all family members. It is unlikely that today one can see anything unworthy in the form of a man preparing dinner for the whole family.
Stereotypes tend to gradually recede; they are lost, recoding the value system of modern man.
In families where equality and mutual support are practiced, there is always a lot of time left for joint recreation and raising children. The exclusion of the categories “commander” and “subordinate” from ethical guidelines greatly strengthens the family. Nevertheless, for quite a long time there will be some remnants of everyday inequality between spouses. This mainly concerns the Russian village, clearly marked by the stamp of conservative patriarchy.
Many peasant families still retain views on the distribution of household responsibilities formed in ancient times.
It is difficult to say with certainty which of the described ethical structures is more fair - what is quite appropriate in the city may not take root in the traditionalist mentality of the countryside. One way or another, hierarchy in family relationships very often manifests itself in matters of managing the family budget. Often, urban men, unclaimed in the traditional capacity of “head of the family,” lose their independence, including economic independence.
The husband dutifully trusts his wife to manage material resources, while the woman acquires the function of “household treasurer” and the actual owner of the house. Apparently, such a situation contradicts the basic norms of sexual morality, which prescribes that a woman should be “weak” and not strive to take over the traditional roles of a man.
Family dispute etiquette
Among the reasons that can provoke family conflict or cause a divorce, the following negative factors can be identified:
Improper everyday behavior of one of the spouses;
Disharmony intimate relationships;
Difference of opinions and tastes;
Inability of one of the spouses to behave decently in company;
Failure of one of the spouses to comply with personal hygiene rules;
Incorrect family budget planning;
Conflict in relationships with spouse's parents.
To avoid conflict situation men should not speculate on their social and physical superiorities, entrusting housekeeping entirely to their wife, motivating this decision with a crude and common stereotype about “exclusively women’s affairs.”
The retaliatory mistake of a woman trying to fend off the patriarchal onslaught is accusations against her husband, incriminating the latter of everyday passivity.
You cannot see the cause of the conflict in the individual characteristics of the spouse, in his inability or inability to do anything. You shouldn't provoke a scandal because of minor differences in tastes.
We should not forget that in a conflict there are no winners - only losers. Many conflicts can be avoided by finding the strength to restrain yourself in time, not to be rude, to give up something, to forgive something and, most importantly, to adequately assess the situation.
Confrontation “Mother-in-law and Son-in-law”, “Mother-in-law and Daughter-in-law”
Very often, conflicts and quarrels arise between “old” and “new” family members, that is, between mother-in-law and son-in-law, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
If newlyweds are going to live with the parents of one of the spouses, they should prepare for certain material and living difficulties, and possibly also for difficulties associated with communication and mutual understanding.
The nuances indicated here can cause severe conflicts, which will ultimately lead the family to complete disintegration.
To avoid negative consequences, each potentially “conflict” family member must remember the following rules:
Husband and wife must independently understand their relationship. They can ask their parents for advice, but under no circumstances complain about each other;
In order to win the favor of the mother-in-law, the son-in-law must:
a) thank the mother-in-law for her “excellent culinary skills”;
b) give flowers on a holiday or when he brought flowers to his wife;
c) share your successes at work, ask for advice;
d) help in everything and not wait to be asked for it; try to fulfill the most insignificant request.
In order to win the favor of her mother-in-law, the daughter-in-law must fulfill most of the requirements that applied to the son-in-law;
Parents should not interfere in the personal relationships of newlyweds. Suspicion, mistrust, hints - all this destroys a young family and causes a lot of suffering;
In the presence of grandchildren, the mother-in-law and mother-in-law should never condemn the daughter-in-law or son-in-law, pointing out to them any mistakes, reproaching them for improper upbringing of children; “pity” the grandchildren “punished by their parents.”
Your home .
The interior of your apartment is directly determined by your habits and taste. The main guideline when creating it is the convenience of you and your family members. First of all, a friendly atmosphere and comfort should reign in the house. The latter cannot be created by any jewelry or expensive things.
Relevance of furniture.
When equipping a living room or bedroom, one indisputable requirement should be taken into account: there should not be too much furniture; the abundance of furnishings always irritates and tires guests and owners. In addition to the beds, the bedroom contains furniture necessary for the toilet: a wardrobe, a wardrobe, a dressing table or a mirror with an ottoman next to them. Bedside tables with table lamps for reading in the dark are appropriate. If space allows, you can put one or two chairs.
By the way: Keep in mind!
Modern apartments do not provide a sink for washing in the bedroom, but in a private house (especially if the size of the bedroom itself allows) such an item will not be considered a luxury; moreover, it will bring additional convenience to your life. In any case, you will have the opportunity to wash your face in the morning, put yourself in order and leave the bedroom to your loved ones in the best possible way.
In the hall or living room it is considered bad form to place glass cabinets or sideboards with all kinds of porcelain decorations and trinkets. Family photographs look ridiculous here - their place is in the office or bedroom. Desk, armchairs, sofa, coffee table, bookcase or shelves (if there is no library or separate office) in the room will be in place.
1. Don’t overload your apartment with things.
2. When decorating your apartment, pay special attention to the windows. At your request, they can expand the space of the room or, on the contrary, narrow it and enclose it. The window can be turned into a living picture. Or hide it picturesquely behind the draperies... In any case, try to ensure that the windows connect you with the whole world and let as much fresh air into your home as possible.
3. Do not try to impress your friends with the decoration and richness of your apartment. Having chic, new-fangled items doesn’t always make a room feel cozy.
4. On the other hand, do not clutter your apartment with too old things. Especially if you haven't used them for a long time. At least once a year, empty your home of unnecessary, outdated junk.
5. Keep the kitchen, bathroom and restroom extremely clean.
6. Flowers greatly decorate any apartment. Including freshly cut, beautifully selected compositions of dried herbs and flowers, and a variety of indoor ones. There are endless possibilities for your imagination. However, flowers, more than any other thing in your home, require attention, cleanliness and constant care.
7. Pets - dogs, cats, aquarium fish, birds - not only make your home unique, alive and warm, but also decorate it in their own way. But it is very unpleasant when there are unpleasant odors in a house where animals live. When animals and their owners are in constant dirt.
Etiquette standards for communication between parents and children
It should be immediately emphasized that children during the teenage crisis require special attention from the parent couple, and when communicating with them it is important to take into account certain rules. Under no circumstances is unfounded criticism or ridicule directed at a teenager allowed. In addition, it is best not to insist on your (possibly stereotypical) moral views and to resist the temptation to “choose suitable friends” for your son or daughter.
Often the relationship between parents and grown-up children suffers from tension, which, however, is not at all difficult to remove by following some simple but extremely important rules of family etiquette.
Firstly, a growing person must understand that parents are naturally concerned about his fate; a teenager should not perceive parental interest in his personal life as intrusive and idle curiosity.
For their part, parents must understand that impatience, tactlessness, and suspicion are not the best way to contact a child, even an adult. It is necessary to talk with a teenager calmly and restrainedly, in no case offending your child with dirty suspicions.
Children.
The main thing in any apartment is not the thing (regardless of its value), but the person. You yourself, your loved ones, your children. It's probably worth remembering this.
Birth of a child.
In the first days after the birth of your baby, you should not make unannounced visits either to your home or to the hospital. Even family members and close friends should schedule a time to visit so they don't all show up at once. It’s even better to first agree by phone about a convenient time for the visit. It is possible that this visit will have to be postponed for some time. It is better to bring flowers and gifts after three or four days, and then go home - they have no place in the maternity hospital. Gifts given on the occasion of the birth of a child should be thanked verbally or by mail. This cannot be done right away - better late than never. Don't be offended if you don't receive a response to your gift right away. WITH infant There are so many worries that it takes some time before the family can devote time to other responsibilities.
Choosing a child's name
In parallel with the difficulties and experiences that haunt parents in the first days after the birth of a child, a new, by no means easy task arises - choosing a name for the baby. This truly landmark and crucial moment should not be underestimated.
It is necessary to choose reasonable principles that will guide parents in solving the problem of the name of the newborn. The most common and very serious in consequences is the mistake of parents who are carried away by fashion trends for certain names, which often turn out to be grotesque elements of Newspeak or unacceptable borrowings. In the past, many problems were resolved by the practice of using the so-called calendar.
Note
The calendar contains a calendar (a special calendar) that allows you to associate a specific day of the year with a specific religious event. It was customary to name a baby after a saint whose commemoration fell on the child’s birthday. That is why there is a tradition that has survived to this day to celebrate the so-called. Angel's Day (that is, the day of the patron saint).
Today, the criterion for choosing a name is always situational and the decision lies entirely on the shoulders of the parents. Obviously, being guided only by the beauty of the sound of a particular name or the desire to perpetuate the name of a relative is not entirely appropriate.
We can only highlight some abstract selection criteria.
The main requirement is that a person’s name should not be “random”.
It is unwise to choose a name that is too long or difficult to pronounce; it is undesirable to use complex clusters of consonants in it. The name should be easy to remember, both independently and in combination with the patronymic. They choose a name that is euphonious and elegant in form - in the future it should suit its owner as much as possible (here parents are obliged to demonstrate the capabilities of their own intuition to the maximum). The name should not be allowed to sound dissonant with respect to the corresponding surname and patronymic. Agree that Venera Vasilievna Korovina and Robert Petrovich Petukhov sound quite funny and absurd. Therefore, one cannot but agree with the satirical poet Yu. Blagov, who ridiculed the desire of some parents to combine completely incompatible things in the names of their children.
Child education.
Furniture and the general decoration of the room in which children are located should not interfere with normal movements and development... The children's room should be spacious, the child needs a work desk for activities and games, a specially designated place should be provided for storing toys. Please note: if you make too many comments to your children (don’t touch! don’t climb! don’t run! etc.), it’s not the child’s fault, but the incompetently arranged furniture (or your lack of talent as a teacher).
From the early age Teach your child to keep his room tidy. He should have clearly defined household responsibilities that are feasible and not burdensome. The presence of such household chores disciplines the child, accustoms him to work and, with skillful guidance from his parents, educates him, develops his intellect, and teaches etiquette. After all, participating in household chores with adults allows little man look at the familiar environment around him through the eyes of his parents, feel how his own efforts in this or that matter contribute to the creation of comfort and beauty in the house.
The cleanliness and neat appearance of parents is one of the means of maintaining their authority among their children. An unshaven father, a mother in a dirty robe - children involuntarily note these details. A mother, when picking up a child, for example, from a kindergarten, must take care of her appearance. Children are prone to comparisons. Their powers of observation are much sharper than parents usually think.
Parents should not read children's letters without their consent. This offends younger family members and can shake their trust in their parents. Should you knock when entering a family member's room? IN different families it is accepted in different ways. In any case, you should knock in the morning and evening, that is, at the time when a person can undress or dress.
It is not necessary to say: “Bon appetit” when sitting down at the family table. But after eating you need to say “thank you” and ask permission to leave the table when you need to do this before others. You should not make comments to other people's children, especially in the presence of their parents or other people.
If a daughter is dating a boy, parents should give her a small amount of money for small expenses: a movie or ice cream. It is not entirely convenient for a young man to pay every time, who is also still in the care of his parents. It’s another matter if he himself is already a working person.
List of used literature
1. Good manners: A collection of rules and advice for all occasions, social and family. Reprint edition. M.: Soviet writer, 1991.
2. All about etiquette. – M.: Veche, 2000.
3. Etiquette. – M.: Citadel-Triad, 1995.
Cultural studies is the science of culture. The subject of cultural studies is the objective laws of universal and national cultural processes, monuments, phenomena and events in the material and spiritual life of people.
Cultural studies- the science of multiple cultures.
Cultural studies- a science that studies culture, the most general patterns of its development.
Culture– this is a general concept for the forms of human life created and created by us in the process of evolution. Culture is moral, moral and material values, skills, knowledge, customs, traditions.
The diversity of philosophical and scientific ideas existing in the world definitions culture does not allow us to refer to this concept as the most obvious designation of an object and subject of culture and requires a clearer and narrower specification of it : Culture is understood as...
- the totality of material and spiritual values created and being created by humanity and constituting its spiritual and social existence;
- “a historically determined level of development of society and man, expressed in the types and forms of organization of people’s lives and activities, as well as in the material and spiritual values they create” ( TSB);
- “the result of a human co-creation game aimed at evolution, where, on the one hand, - playground created by the Creator, its conditions, resources and potential, and on the other hand, human creativity aimed at improving this site and oneself on its territory, by acquiring experience and knowledge. Thus, culture is the cause and effect of the educational game” (Narek Bavikyan);
- "the total volume of human creativity" ( Daniil Andreev);
- complex, multi-level sign system, modeling in each society a picture of the world and determining a person’s place in it;
- picture of the world ;
- “the product of a playing person!” (J. Huizinga);
- “a set of genetically non-inherited information in the field of human behavior” (Yu. Lotman);
- cultivation, processing, improvement, improvement;
- upbringing , education, development morality , ethics , morality ;
- development spiritual spheres of life, art , creation ;
- creative achievements in some particular sphere limited by time, place, or some other general property ( culture Ancient Rus' , modern culture, pop culture , Slavic culture , Mass culture , Culture of Ancient Egypt);
- “the entire set of extra-biological manifestations of a person” ;
Once the philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau was asked what qualities a girl needs to create a normal and happy family. Rousseau replied:
“Beauty - 0, thrift - 0, education - 0, intelligence - 0, position in society - 0, money - 0, kindness - 1.”
And he immediately deciphered his mathematical calculations as follows: kindness of the heart - a positive quality - he set one. All other qualities, designated 0, are placed next to one, correspondingly increasing it tenfold with each new one. positive quality. Kindness and intelligence will give 10, if you add money to them, then it will be 100, etc. According to Rousseau, any of the qualities in itself means nothing, and only kindness carries value.
If you think about it, it's hard to argue with this. An unkind person cannot enjoy respect in the family or in society. Human kindness is the fundamental basis of relationships between people, the main component of etiquette well-mannered person.
They say that if you want to be treated well, then you yourself should treat people the way you want to be treated. A simple thought in itself, but very accurate. You can only demand from another what you are able to give him and give yourself. This simple truth should never be forgotten anywhere or ever. Unfortunately, she is forgotten. Especially at home, in relationships with close relatives, family relationships.
Family is the seven “I”.
No less people get divorced for these reasons than because of adultery and drinking.
How to learn to control yourself?
There is an opinion that your family will understand and forgive you. And production failures therefore often end in rudeness at home, the habit of taking out anger on loved ones. This is a deep misconception. A rude word spoken by a loved one hurts more, not less. Another thing is that they try to treat the rudeness of a loved one with understanding, to somehow justify it. But this cannot go on indefinitely. Sooner or later, non-compliance with the rules of good manners in the family becomes unbearable, family life begins to crack. That is why it is important to understand that observing etiquette at home is no less mandatory than among friends or strangers.
Remember that by following the rules of good manners at home, a person only gains, gradually gains good habits, forming a highly educated personality.
In essence, home etiquette requires observing the same rules as in relationships with strangers - at the table, while walking, in conversation, when choosing clothes. So, it is unacceptable to leave the bedroom unkempt and unkemptly dressed. However, even during the most intimate relationships one should not forget about good manners.
How to build relationships with parents?
In relationships with parents, it is important to remember: how you treat them now is how, years later, your children will treat you, because they see and remember everything. Although, of course, preference is given to parents in all situations, regardless of whether you have children or not. At the celebration at the festive table, they are given the most honorable place; in the car, father and mother sit in the back. Although there may be an exception here, when a father who is not yet old gives up his seat in the back to his married daughter.
What should a family conversation be like?
We have already said that a conversation in a raised voice between spouses is unacceptable. Nothing good comes out of this, as a rule. Any conversation should be conducted with maximum goodwill, using appropriate intonation. The simple phrase “turn on the TV” without “please” sounds like an order and can offend, starting a quarrel. And if you add “dear” to these words, putting kindness and tenderness into it, then we are sure that you will receive a grateful smile in return.
What to do if a quarrel could not be avoided?
A man (as well as a woman) evaluates the home environment primarily from the point of view of what kind of atmosphere reigns in the family: harmony and peace or endless conflicts and quarrels. Showing up relationships is more tiring than even the hardest physical work. Therefore, before starting a quarrel, decide for yourself how expedient it is, although expedient quarrels do not exist. When starting a showdown, think about the consequences. Surely they are not worth aggravating the conflict that has arisen.
In this case, one of the two must give in. They rightly say: the one who is wiser concedes. As a rule, the husband is the first to “give in”, giving in to the onslaught of his wife. But here it is important to remember: the step towards reconciliation must be accompanied by gentle and kind words like “I’m sorry, my dear, I was absolutely wrong.”
Such a request for forgiveness does not humiliate a man, but elevates him, because he does not show weakness, but wisdom and generosity.
This is important to remember, especially when you consider that most unhappy marriages are based on trifles, petty quarrels and resentments. By giving in on little things, you preserve the main thing - peace in the family.
If you want to be happy, be it. What does it take to be happy?
Very often, quarrels arise on the initiative of a woman who is trying to re-educate and remake her husband in her own image. This should not be done, especially in the presence of strangers. Your husband is an adult with his own habits, and you need to perceive him as he is, with his advantages and disadvantages, emphasizing the former in every possible way and being condescending towards the latter.
Dale Carnegie once wisely remarked: “If you want to save family life happy, don't criticize your partner. It’s always easier to criticize than to notice and highlight traits in a person that are worthy of praise.”
A departure from this simple but wise rule is fraught with serious complications in family life.
The same Carnegie, a recognized expert in the field of human relations, in his book “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living,” cites the following fact:
“Mrs. Carnegie and I once dined with a friend of ours in Chicago. While cutting the meat, he did something wrong. I didn't notice this. And if I had noticed, I would not have attached any importance.
Something like this is either not forgiven at all, or is forgiven with great difficulty, because even the most tactful remark is also a blow to the partner’s pride.
At the same time, it is useless to try to suppress irritation, not to pay attention to certain manifestations bad taste. The negative attitude from this will only accumulate until it overflows the cup of patience, putting the family itself on the brink of collapse.
What to do?
Try to do this: make a list of your partner’s bad habits that annoy you and which you consider unacceptable for a well-mannered person, and ask him to make exactly the same list for himself.
Thus, without humiliating him, you will offer both of you to engage in self-education and self-improvement. We are sure that the result will be positive - who doesn’t want to become better in their own eyes and the eyes of others. After this, by the way, a tactful remark will be perceived completely differently.
Such a step, in addition, will contribute to the strengthening of the family itself - an additional goal, noble and lofty, has appeared in your life together.
You can do it differently. When you hear, for example, a word mispronounced, choose a convenient moment and pronounce it correctly. Do this not deliberately, in the context of a conversation. The spouse bites his nails - offer him scissors, justifying this by the fact that with their help he will cut them more evenly.
In each specific situation, you can find specific ways to combat bad habits. It is important to do this with tact. Otherwise, your own etiquette is lame, there are significant gaps in your upbringing.
How should you behave with relatives and friends?
We have already mentioned in passing the importance of observing etiquette in choosing clothes and when speaking. Moreover, this applies equally to both the street and the home. Negligence here is simply unacceptable; it indicates a lack of upbringing or education.
Naturally, no one wants to be considered ill-mannered, and even more so no one wants to be subjected to ridicule, simply a disapproving glance.
The ability to behave with loved ones in a narrow manner family circle- a kind of measure of a well-bred person. After all, it is absolutely clear that if a man or woman follows the rules of good manners at home, they are almost insured against mistakes when surrounded by strangers. This is understandable: they look after themselves, their behavior. To this we can add that a well-mannered, gallant person enjoys much greater respect among his family and is a source of pride for his loved ones.
What are the behavioral characteristics if there are two housewives in the house - the newlywed and the mother-in-law or mother-in-law?
This situation occurs quite often.
It is not always the case that newlyweds immediately after the wedding get the opportunity to live in their own separate apartment. Living together with the parents of a husband or wife often gives rise to many conflicts, quarrels and minor grievances.
In most cases, they are caused by women. This is explained very simply: there are two housewives under one roof. Mother and daughter or mother-in-law and daughter-in-law – it often doesn’t matter. In any case, the old housewife does not want to give up her dominant role in the house, but the new one also has her own view of the way of life, she wants to change, redo, improve something.
In fact, the apartment from an isolated one becomes a communal one, where two families live and where both housewives have equal rights, with the only difference being that close people live under the same roof.
This, however, does not reduce the number of conflicts, but increases. A mother or mother-in-law, acting as a loved one, considers it necessary to give the young housewife advice where an outsider would not notice the mistake.
As a rule, the situation is not saved even by the fact that the young wife is studying (working) or the mother-in-law (mother) is sick. There is always time for criticism or dissatisfaction. Moreover, this is done with the best intentions, out of a desire to suggest, advise on how to do it better and more correctly.
By doing this, elderly woman wants to feel useful to the young, wants to help them at first in creating a friendly and strong family. And every rejected advice is a reason for resentment and quarrel.
Life convinces us: all misunderstandings cannot be avoided, but reducing the number of conflicts is not only possible, but also necessary. First of all, in accordance with the norms of etiquette, a young couple should in every possible way emphasize their respect for their mother-in-law (mother-in-law), showing concern for her. Any advice, even if you are not going to follow it, is received with gratitude. If there is a threat of conflict, it is up to the young to extinguish it in the bud. Such behavior does not humiliate - it elevates a person as a person.
A lot, of course, in living together with a young couple depends on the mother-in-law.
What should be the etiquette in relations with other relatives?
The reader may find this chapter superfluous. “What it says has not been observed for a long time,” he will say. Perhaps he will be wrong. After all, observing is one thing, but knowing is quite another. We assure you: a moment will definitely arise in life when this knowledge will be useful to you.
When visiting a husband, in the presence of other ladies, give preference to his wife. For this he has many other possibilities.
Update date: 11/03/2017
Home is the place where we relax. Or logically, the house should have a relaxing effect on us. But this depends on how well the relationships between household members are structured and what order is established in terms of personal boundaries and interaction. Etiquette standards make life in family and society easier.
Many rules of behavior in the family are based on respect, trust, personal boundaries and politeness. Some of them are so elementary that it’s even inconvenient to even talk about them. But experience suggests that it won’t hurt to remember them once again.
So, a set of rules of family etiquette:
- Clean, neat clothes. You should not wear at home something that has gone out of fashion, worn out, worn out, stretched out, etc. This borders on disrespect for oneself and others. In addition, we set an example for our children, which should not be forgotten.
- Any affectionate family nicknames are appropriate only in a narrow family circle, where there are no strangers.
- Neither the husband nor the wife is called "spouse" - this is too formal a word that is appropriate at events, but not in a friendly environment.
- It is unacceptable to address your mother-in-law or mother-in-law by calling them “grandmother.” She is not a grandmother to her son-in-law or daughter-in-law! If, due to existing relationships, there is no desire to address elderly parents as “mom” or “dad,” then it is better to call them by their first name and patronymic and with “you.” Although it is natural for grandchildren to address themselves as “grandmother” and “grandfather” and as “you”.
- Showing attention to your wife, handing her a coat, letting her through the door not only in public places, but also at home is the sacred duty of the husband and father of the family. To be kind and attentive in public, but not at home - children will notice such an attitude very quickly and will adopt the same attitude of father towards mother, I will not respect her and take into account her opinion. Keep this in mind. But if outwardly a man is polite and correct, but in his heart he does not respect his woman, children will also quickly figure this out and draw conclusions. But this is from the field of psychology, not etiquette.
- Therefore, in public places, the wife should retain the right of the first dance.
- What to do with guests if they are friends with only one of the spouses, but are unpleasant to the other? It is better not to receive them at home in the absence of your spouse and accept invitations. The line here is quite thin - if these people are somehow unpleasant to your spouse, it’s worth thinking about why. Otherwise, over time, this can lead to a break either with these people or in the family.
- In principle, many rules of etiquette in the family are not born out of nowhere and stem from trust relationships paired with. If you truly trust your spouse, then you will not check messages in your wallet or rummage through personal belongings. And even more so, speak about him or her in a negative way in front of children or strangers. If things are really that bad, then what are you doing around this person?
- The same goes for parents and children. Problems usually arise in families where personal boundaries are violated. They mean personal belongings, time, space, money (pocket money for children), and opinion. Respect for all this is manifested even in such a small thing as knocking on the room before entering it.
- Never reprimand your children or spouse in front of strangers. This is the most painful thing for any self-esteem. Clarify any relationships behind closed doors. There is nothing worse than quarrels and gossip in the presence of children.
- Don't complain about your wife or husband to strangers. It does more harm than good, even if you are looking for help. If you consult, it should be with a person who is wise in experience and life, or with a psychologist. At least they won't do any harm with their recommendations.
- If they complain to you about their family life, but don’t ask for help, don’t bother with recommendations. Elementary sympathy is enough to make a person feel better.
- In the event of a conflict between spouses, the eldest family member should not take either side. Not because it's easier. It is wiser to remain neutral and not interfere, so as not to mess things up.
- The most difficult point. The rules for raising children should be the same for everyone. This applies to demands, punishment and rewards. Otherwise there will be no order. If the wife or older family members do not agree with the methods of raising children or grandchildren, it is better not to argue in the presence of children and teenagers. No one has abolished the family hierarchy - we live in a society where the rules of subordination are identical in different structures.
It's not just about the ability to be tactful and mutually polite. Family is a stronghold of stability in our too dynamic world. If over the course of years people do not learn to interact effectively in such a small team as a family, then what kind of thing can one even dream of? After all, in any community the ability to get along with people and achieve results through teamwork is valued.
Where can one learn this if not in the family?
What is family etiquette?
Everyone is familiar with the word “etiquette” and its meaning. We all strive to impress people in society with our manners, conversational skills, and lifestyle. We even tend to lie a little. But how often do we forget that our family is a small society in which we also need to behave according to the rules.
Often the opposite happens. At home, all masks fall off a person, and sometimes we see not a courteous, gallant citizen, but a despot and tyrant. This is absolutely wrong position, since family etiquette is the basis of all relationships, perception of the world and the environment.
We are shaped not by society, but by our home environment. Children are a smaller copy of their parents, they copy everything - manners, speech, gestures. Looking at how a child behaves in kindergarten or at school, you can understand what kind of atmosphere reigns in the child’s family. Therefore, there are rules of family etiquette that should not be neglected.
Where does family etiquette begin?
Everything starts small. There is great power behind our words, so it is very important to always say to your family: “thank you,” “please,” “bon appetit,” “good night.” These words on a subconscious level develop positivity in a person, and if we talk about energy, then words are certain “messages” to the Universe: what you send is returned to you.
Relationships between a man and a woman always begin romantically and unusually, but for some reason, as soon as the couple gets married, the romanticism disappears. Often a woman stops taking care of herself - she puts on a robe, which she takes off only when she goes “in public.”
A man will not rust either - he becomes cold and apathetic, and an evening spent watching TV or a computer seems much more interesting to him than communicating with his wife. This is a completely wrong model of behavior.
For example, in the East, a woman wears a burqa, but at home, for her husband, she dresses beautifully and puts on makeup. She is gentle and courteous with him. This is what spouses should do, regardless of what country they live in. A woman should please her husband (men love with their eyes) with a neat appearance and friendliness. Love is built on this, which, of course, can fade if people in a marriage begin to treat both themselves and their partner negligently.
Family etiquette rules
Must be family evenings, joint trips to the cinema, cafes, and exhibitions. The gallantry of men towards their spouse should not only be “ostentatious”, but also in personal communication. So, a man should always give his lady a coat, give compliments, pay attention to a new dress or underwear, give small gifts even for no reason, inform his wife about where he is going and when he will return. These elementary signs of attention make family life much brighter and more interesting.
A woman should also not lag behind her man. When choosing perfume, you should focus not only on your taste, but also on the taste of your husband, pamper the man more often with his favorite dishes, and do not interrupt him when he is telling something very important. And even though you’ve already heard it all, you shouldn’t reprimand him. If a man repeats himself, it means the topic is important to him and he wants you to listen to him.
You cannot criticize your husband or wife in the presence of children and strangers. Showdowns need to be hidden from prying eyes and ears. There is no need to manically control your husband - check his pockets, wallet, call him at work every minute. This degrades a man's dignity and he will think that you don't trust him.
If your partner doesn't like your social circle, make sure that you meet your friends on neutral territory, and then not too often.
It is very important to contact each other. Everyone has cute nicknames: “bunny, cat, sunshine, etc.”, it’s nice. But in the presence of strangers, these appeals are at least strange. The person should be called by name only!
Women have this habit - when talking with friends or acquaintances, they call their husband husband, ignoring his name. This is bad manners, so you depersonalize a person by assigning him the civil status of “husband.” Yes, he is the husband, but he has a name that you must love if you love your husband.
Etiquette in relations with relatives
The older generation should also be respected, and words such as father-in-law, mother-in-law, father-in-law, and mother-in-law should be excluded from the vocabulary. They are parents, they are, after all, grandparents. According to family etiquette, the older generation is usually called mom, dad, grandma, grandpa. If a woman cannot call her husband’s mother mom, then she needs to be addressed by her first name and patronymic. The spouse should do the same.
Rules for a happy family life
Etiquette family relations simple and even pleasant, because every person is an echo: as you call him, so he will respond. The famous American psychologist Dale Carnegie developed a theory of six rules for a happy family life:
- don't find fault;
- do not try to change your spouse;
- don't criticize;
- be grateful to each other for happiness;
- always show each other signs of attention;
- be careful.
Children's etiquette
As for children's etiquette, here too you should show remarkable attention and patience. It should be remembered that no matter how much you teach a child, he will still look at clear example. Therefore, if parents tell a child that it is not good to be rude and insulting, and they themselves behave rudely to each other, then the child is unlikely to understand what he was told - he will do as he sees.
Children must be taught to be polite towards adults and respect for strangers. And you need to train in game form so that the child does not lose the feeling of childhood.
Etiquette and family happiness
All our happiness and relationships in the family depend on us and only on us. And every person wants to be happy. To make your family happy and your relationship as if you had just met, love and respect each other. There is only one life, and you need to show your loved ones as much as possible how much you love and respect them. If there is no love and respect in a family, then where else can such relationships be found!?... The answer, I think, is obvious.
