A teenager can snap and be rude, leave and come whenever he pleases, fall into bad company, be stubborn and cruel. One may behave hysterically and demonstratively, while another, on the contrary, may immerse himself in the virtual world, avoiding communication, start smoking or even using drugs. Attempts to talk, put pressure, punish are met with hostility and only increase tension in the family. What happens to a teenager? How to find him mutual language now and save trusting relationship for the future?

“Don’t meddle in my life!”, “None of your business!”, “What do you understand?” – what parents of teenagers don’t hear! Just yesterday, a problem-free child suddenly becomes uncontrollable and aggressive. Parents' words cause sharp resistance or are completely ignored.

A teenager can snap and be rude, leave and come whenever he pleases, fall into bad company, be stubborn and cruel. One may behave hysterically and demonstratively, while another, on the contrary, may immerse himself in the virtual world, avoiding communication, start smoking or even using drugs. Attempts to talk, put pressure, punish are met with hostility and only increase tension in the family.

Adults unsuccessfully try to explain to the teenager that he needs to study, it’s time to think about the future, decide on a profession, but he doesn’t seem to hear. Many parents justify it, they say, difficult period, adolescence - everything will pass, and he will come to his senses. However, the difficult period passes, and the relationship with the already matured child still does not improve.

What happens to a teenager? How to find a common language with him now and maintain a trusting relationship in the future?

Conditions for development

Understand these difficult issues helps System-vector psychology Yuri Burlan. She explains that every person from birth is endowed with sets of mental properties - vectors. The combination of vectors determines how a person perceives the world, what he wants, what he strives for.

Until the coming adolescence While the child is developing, he is not yet capable of independent survival. Therefore, the most important thing for him is the feeling of security and safety that his parents (primarily his mother) provide him. If a child feels this, his innate mental properties receive a favorable environment for development, which occurs before the end of puberty. During this period, mental properties develop (or do not develop) from the level of primitive man to those necessary in modern society. The degree of development of properties determines how a person’s relationships with people will develop, whether he will be able to succeed in a couple relationship, how resistant he will be to stress, whether he will be able to realize himself in society, and much more.

When a child feels that his parents understand and support him, his opinion is taken into account, when a calm and trusting atmosphere reigns in the family, then small man grows and develops calmly. If the family constantly swears, shouts at the child, or even raises his hand, then he does not feel protected, and this negatively affects his development.

Even worse consequences can occur when parents do not understand how the child’s psyche works, demand the impossible from him and do not allow him to develop what is inherent in nature. For example, if you overly pamper and praise a nimble child with a skin vector, who, on the contrary, needs to be taught discipline, then in the future he will not be able to organize himself or others. If you constantly rush and tug at a slow and diligent child with an anal vector, then he will never learn to do his job perfectly, although he could potentially become a real professional.

Transitional age. Gender characteristics

For any teenager, adolescence is difficult period. System-vector psychology explains that at this time the child begins to try to take responsibility for his life. He tries to provide himself with the feeling of security and safety that his parents previously provided him with.

This process occurs differently for girls and boys. A woman receives a feeling of security from a man, so girls begin to “get married,” that is, they try their hand at creating paired relationships. This is an unconscious process, because one of the main natural tasks of a woman is to preserve herself and her offspring, and she does this through a man.

Some girls can often change their chosen ones and be more provocative in their sexual behavior (paint brightly, wear more revealing clothes). Others are more reserved and conservative; they can settle on one candidate and subsequently start a family with him. Each girl has her own mental characteristics, her own pitfalls of growing up, which parents should know in order to insure and support their daughter where necessary.

Due to inexperience, girls can make the wrong choice, shocking their parents. In order not to cause harm, it is important for the parent to understand what is happening and behave competently. It is important for a girl to feel that she can be liked by members of the opposite sex, that she can be chosen by a boy, as long as it doesn’t matter which one. This is the second stage - to understand who you need. And if at this first stage her parents intervene sharply, seeing an absolutely unsuitable young man next to her, and impose their authoritative opinion, then the girl reacts with protest, even more defending her choice, because in this case her parents are preventing her from succeeding as a woman.

To avoid conflicts, you should not enter into open confrontation. Show that you respect your daughter's choice. So that she herself can think about whether this is the person she needs. Chat together in a supportive and friendly atmosphere, ask young man a few questions about his interests and plans for the future. This may be enough - your girl will be able to assess the situation herself. Support her, don’t push her to oppose you. The less security she feels in the family, the more furiously she will seek this security outside. And the more difficult it will be for her to break off a wrong relationship, even if she feels that she is going in the wrong place and with the wrong person.

Boys have their own difficulties during adolescence. They have to take on the adult male role to provide oneself with a sense of security and safety through one’s contribution to society. Already from the age of 6, participating in the choice of his environment at school, the boy takes his first steps towards adult life. During puberty, a young man actively tests his abilities to adapt to society, and the “first blow” is taken by the parents. You can observe how some boys suddenly begin to criticize their parents, while others begin to violate the boundaries of what is permitted by their parents.

Teenagers are looking for their place in society, using the level of development of mental properties that they have developed at that moment. It is during this period that the fruits of education become visible. The higher the level of development of vectors in a teenager, the easier it is for him to pass through this stage. He unconsciously feels what his purpose is, and when he feels that he has something to offer to society, he confidently moves forward into adulthood.

Obstacles on the way to growing up

If a teenager did not receive the necessary development and grew up in psychologically unfavorable conditions for him, then adolescence becomes an even more difficult test for him. The lack of necessary skills for successful socialization plus the resulting psychological trauma does not allow him to fully take responsibility for his life. He feels bad, he doesn’t understand where to go. Misunderstanding and pressure from his parents take away his last hope for adaptation and further undermine his already unstable state.

So, in case of trouble...

• The article was written based on training materials “ System-vector psychology»

Your son, who used to share all his secrets, suddenly begins to answer all questions with a sullen “yes” or “no”, and your daughter no longer wants to go shopping with you? This is probably adolescence. Do not despair. This is quite natural, and even moreover, it is important for children to distance themselves from their parents during this period. But for adults, such distance can be painful, and they think... We have selected a few tips on how to find a common language with teenagers.

Give your teenager some freedom

Give them more independence. This will help them create themselves, their own individuality. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't intervene if your teen gets involved with bad company.

Prohibit wisely

Don't pick on teenagers over minor things. Purple hair or a mess in the room is not a reason for a scandal. Tattoos or bad deeds are another matter. Give reasons for your prohibitions - this will help you find a common language with teenagers.

Define rules and discipline in advance

Both parents are involved in raising teenagers, so discuss in advance what is acceptable and what is not. Will you prohibit your teenager from using the Internet or reduce the amount pocket money- everything should be discussed in advance.

Discuss boundaries

Give teenagers age-appropriate independence. But you should always know where they are. If you feel necessary, request that your teen call you during the evening.

Talk to your teen about risks

Discuss an action plan

Tell your teen, “If your only option is to get into a car with a drunk driver, call me. I don’t care if it’s three o’clock in the morning.” Talk to your child about different potentially dangerous situations and their possible solutions. This way you will not only keep him as safe as possible, but also show that you can be trusted. And this is an important step if you want to find a common language with a teenager.

Allow your child to feel guilty

A lot depends on self-esteem. good opinion about yourself - that's normal. But people should feel bad if they hurt someone or did something wrong. Teenagers need to feel guilty sometimes too. Guilt is a healthy emotion. And it’s normal to feel it when we’ve done something wrong.

Invite your teen's friends over for dinner

Don't talk about it very openly. This will only alienate your teenager. Invite your child's friends over. When the children will see. How friends behave with their parents can help them get to know them better. Yes, and you may see something good in them.

Usually, around the age of twenty-five, children finally understand that their mother was always right about everything. However, before this happens, you need to go through several years of puberty with misunderstandings, swearing, scandals and sometimes leaving home. Parents who have offspring know how dramatic the change is when, from a sweet, beloved child, the child suddenly turns into an eternally dissatisfied monster who is rude for no reason and commits crazy things. Most often this occurs between the ages of 11 and 15, with a peak at 13-14.

A teenager can also be understood. Childhood ends and the children begin to look around. Here they are divided into beautiful and not so, wealthy and middle class, smart and mediocre. In companies, there is a leader and the first beauty, eternal losers and quiet people. Couples in love form and for the first time hearts break from unrequited feelings. These are no longer children, but not yet adults. A teenager is looking for himself, trying to understand what he is worth and prove it to others. At this age, children often turn to one subculture or another, trying to stand out in the crowd, radically changing their appearance and clothing style.

Parents often note that they are overly excitable and emotionally painful. Typically, a teenager is rude, testing the boundaries of what is permitted, and sometimes does things that border on violating ethical and legal standards. At this age, he wants to know what is possible and what is not.

There are often cases when a child commits extreme acts, gets involved in dangerous sports, in order to attract public attention and also test his strength.

For many, adolescence passes quite painlessly, leaving behind only traces of acne on the face and memories of passionate passions. Such children receive an education, become normal, average people and communicate well with their parents. But sometimes the pubertal stage and the psychological turmoil associated with it can leave a heavy imprint on the rest of life. And to prevent this and not lose emotional connection With a difficult teenager, parents should be patient and study the following tips.

Considering him as a person from infancy and listening to his opinion. No, now we won’t talk about how to follow a child’s lead and raise a selfish monster.

It is important to accumulate the so-called “credit of trust” by adolescence.: bring the child’s trust and respect to himself to such an extent that he will happily share his puberty problems and experiences. From now on, parents can turn into best friends and comrades with the right approach. It will be good if by this period the family already has happy memories and hobbies together. This would help a lot with a teenage crisis.

The most important thing is to calmly and thoroughly protect the child from doing crazy things.. It is necessary to explain to him how dangerous uncontrolled extreme hobbies are, and to direct his energy in a peaceful direction. For example, help choose suitable look sports, take a hike, rafting, or conquer a peak together.

It is important not to miss the teenager during this period and not to let him fall under the unnecessary influence of various companies. Moreover, this is a very shaky area. With their anxiety, parents often push their child away from them, imposing their own rules on him and hurting his pride. By strictly forbidding to communicate with anyone or go anywhere, the father or mother commits main mistake: Most likely, the child will do exactly the opposite. Their concern is understandable and justified. However, it is necessary to distinguish between the concepts of “control” and “care”. The baby has grown up, he is almost an adult and will not tolerate excessive guardianship, even if he himself does not yet earn money. In this situation, the parents who are respected by their heir win. Those parents who organized a favorable influence on the child are stronger than the influence of the street. It is necessary to talk a lot and for a long time with a teenager, discuss news, give advice and tactfully direct his train of thought in the right direction.

At this age, the child is very weak and vulnerable to his friends. The worst punishment for him is to be a failure in the eyes of the company or a member of the opposite sex. There are cases when children commit unthinkable acts only “weakly”, under the prodding of their peers. Sometimes it can end sadly. To prevent your son or daughter from becoming a victim of the authority and totalitarianism of a street gang, it is necessary to gradually, from childhood, instill in him confidence in himself and his abilities. Praise him for his achievements, help him achieve his goals, study reports with him, train him in techniques so that one day he can put him on a pedestal. Such a child, who knows his worth, even at fifteen years old will find the strength not to succumb to provocations, if any.

The surge of negativity and aggression inherent in adolescence is caused by physiological and hormonal changes in the body. In principle, this is a variant of the norm. But you need to carefully monitor the child’s behavior so as not to miss it if the nervous system suddenly fails. Sometimes in some families it is possible to survive puberty only with the help of a psychotherapist. If a teenager has become withdrawn, unsociable, distant, does not make contact, or is doing something incomprehensible, this is a reason to take a closer look at him once again.

Very often, parents note that they do not find common topics for conversation with a child who is increasingly moving away. Indeed, parents will have to come to terms with the fact that in the next few years their child will have much more fun with friends and peers. But a teenager should always remember that he is loved, expected and will always be accepted at home. To do this, you need to constantly do something together; spending time together brings you closer and promotes conversations. You can simply set aside a day a week when the whole family gets together and goes, for example, to a picnic, fishing, or shopping. Do family outings like this good tradition and never break it.

There are often cases when a teenager, succumbing to the temptations of adult life, begins to miss out on studies and skip classes. It is very common for girls at this age to have affairs with much older guys. In these situations, swearing and notations will not help much. You can’t stop a girl in love from loving, and you can’t force an adult guy to sit at home. Only a patient and understanding approach can help here.

The only thing that remains for parents is to tell the child what his behavior entails in the future. It's always painful to watch when children choose a different path than their parents predicted for them, but maintaining contact and closeness is much more important. We must remember that any sudden movement can push the teenager away.

Don't invade a teenager's privacy- look for his diaries, check things, read messages on his phone or social networks. This will scare the child away from his parents much more than it will help. If you have strong suspicions about your son or daughter, try to have a heart-to-heart talk with him and express your fears and doubts. Believe me, invasion of personal space hurts a person, even if this person is a child born to you and, it seemed, yours. Remember respect and trust, which can be difficult to achieve, but necessary.

Most parents often set one character or another as an example for their “unsuccessful” children, be it a neighbor’s son or a colleague’s daughter. What can we say, few people bring up family problems for discussion, you will never know how it really is. But here is understanding and intimacy with own child With such actions you can lose.

This is probably the most difficult time in a person’s life and the most difficult crisis. But it also passes through several years, which must be lived correctly and with dignity. The most important thing is to maintain a connection with the child, and not force him to live by his own rules. If a teenager behaves aggressively, steals from home, lies, or is rude, the parent must first analyze the atmosphere in the family and ask himself the question: “Why is he doing this?” Maybe sometimes you should start working with yourself and your behavior at home, and then scold the teenager. During puberty, you need to understand that the child is already an adult and has the right to accept independent decisions within reasonable limits. And none of it negative actions should not become a reason for dislike and abandonment of the child. All problems can be solved; if you cannot find the strength to establish a relationship with a difficult teenager, use the services of a family psychologist.

» How to communicate with a teenager

© Ekaterina Narkevich

Caution - teenager

Introductory part. Adolescence is a difficult and short period. To get through it “without casualties or destruction,” you need to know its features. Be smart and patient.

Exactly. Who said that being a parent is easy?!

This is the most difficult and responsible work on earth. So, watch out - teenager!

1. To avoid losing trust.

If no one comes up from your computer or responds to your request; if the spirit of freethinking has turned into a spirit of free action and you are completely ignored; if in response to your proposals you hear grins and counter-proposals; if your actions cause sharp criticism, advice - indignation, recommendations - opposition, then your child has grown up. On the way to growing up I became a teenager. This is inevitable, but it has to be taken into account. Therefore, the rules of life need to be changed, otherwise a game will not follow the rules. This is a completely different conversation.

Growing up had to happen at some point. Some parents are luckier, others less so.

The most protest, unpredictable and contradictory behavior arises from twelve to seventeen years of age, with deviations in both directions.

The child’s awareness of his individuality occurs unexpectedly for everyone. And, unfortunately, it is not always painless. Against the background of rapid physical and hormonal changes, one day he does not recognize his appearance, then he is surprised at the motives of his own behavior and train of thoughts. This is a difficult condition.

Rarely does self-revaluation change upward.

Sometimes it ends in self-alienation, depression, neuroses and complexes.

Teenagers experience these conditions extremely painfully. Sometimes it comes to suicide attempts.

Attitude towards yourself is a very subtle and vulnerable feeling.

Even in adults, self-esteem fluctuates from plus to minus every day, but what can we say about a teenager who does not know what to expect from himself. And with what - it’s better not to bother.

During age adjustment, a person, without recognizing himself, gets a “pig in a poke.” Associated with this are seemingly causeless fluctuations in mood, desire, motivation and point of view.

A teenager often “out of the blue” becomes confused, depressed, gloomy, irritable, aggressive or angrily cheerful. These changes occur spontaneously - without his active participation. He really doesn’t understand what’s happening to him, why his mood has deteriorated and everything has become irritating. What do you want and what to expect from yourself in the future.

During this period, communication problems, fears, complex complexes, underestimation and overestimation, doubts, obsessions arise, which often accompany a person for many years.

Parents need to know all of the above so as not to complicate an already difficult period. You need to behave correctly: not to be indignant and offended, but to become especially attentive and tactful.

Phrases like “I heard from a boor”, “our mustache is like dirt under his nose”, “my son has become as lanky as a pole”, “nobody will marry you with acne”, and so on are strictly forbidden.

Adults who have already forgotten their adolescence and do not want to understand what is happening allow themselves to let go of a whole bag of vulgarity. They impose ideas of inferiority on the child, as if he is to blame for the fact that the skin on his face has become problematic, hair has appeared, his voice has broken, and his nose has become swollen.

Dramatic changes in the character and appearance of a child have a good reason and do not concern only him.

It is categorically impossible to leave a person alone with himself during adolescence. As in other periods of life, of course, too.

Therefore, if you notice that the child has changed externally, do not be surprised by the internal changes. What would be more surprising would be their absence.

Be attentive to your child and change with him yourself.

Listen to our advice, which comes from extensive experience communicating with both teenagers and their parents.

As a result of a survey of thirty Moscow schoolgirls aged thirteen to sixteen, we learned that 60% of respondents (18 people) believe that it is better not to tell parents everything, otherwise there will be unnecessary moralizing.

30% (9 people) answered that they used to tell their mother a lot, but now they try not to tell anything.

Only 50% (15 people) of respondents said that in difficult situation they will turn to their parents for advice, the remaining 50% answered without hesitation that they would only turn to friends.

Only 30% (9 girls) continue to count mom (8 girls) and dad (one girl) best friends, 30% (9 people) said that they never considered their parents as friends. The remaining 40% (12 people) said they were not sure if their parents would be able to understand them!

Parents: attention - trust in you is falling! Change!

Children from wealthy families shared their opinions with us. What can we say about the rest?!

From this we conclude that adolescents require increased informal and constant attention.

1. A teenager does not tolerate baby talk and falsehood. If you stand with your back to him, talking on the phone or in the evenings doing “work picked up from work”, you ask him “how are you?”, then you will hear the same answer - from over your shoulder, empty and meaningless.

A specific, friendly, open and sincere period in a person’s life ended at the age of five to eight, when when asked “how are you doing,” he talked about things, thoughts and plans. Now you can dream about sincerity and earn it in return with sincerity, attention and patience.

2. Don’t be offended by the teenager’s inattention and constant busyness. First, look at yourself. How much time do you devote to him? Secondly, friends for a teenager really mean a lot, if not everything. His friends now have more trust than you. Know this and accept it as an axiom. Otherwise, you will fly into the same percentage of parents who have lost trust completely.

3. Do not ask about anything with partiality, irritability or judgment, especially when you feel tension and resistance in response. Wait a little while for your emotions to calm down.

Make it clear that you are sincerely interested in how the game ended, who won the casting, and what color your friend’s shoes are. Your crown will not fall if you condescend to your child's interests, even if they are not interesting to you.

4. Talk to a person better less, but better: slowly, calmly, restrainedly and with respect. There is no other way - you will “break the wood” of mistrust, which the teenager will not clear up. This will be your “logging”, which will completely crush the remnants of trust.

5. Share your plans with your teenager. Let him criticize you and give naive advice, but he must learn to participate, empathize, make decisions and be responsible for them. Let you become a “guinea pig” and show up to the boss’s party in an acid-colored sweater! But your daughter chose it for you!

6. Ask a person how he feels not only when he gets sick. Many processes occur for the first time in a teenager’s body, talk to him and find out what worries him. Even if six months ago you received a negative answer to your question. Changes happen all the time, so questions need to be updated too. The girl cannot help but be bothered by her swelling breasts, and the boy cannot help but be bothered by his morning emissions. Tell your child what it is. He should learn the physiological details of a maturing organism from you, and not from a “consultant in the back alley.” The same applies to sex life, which will begin someday, whether we want it or not.

Look at the child's back - few people manage to overcome slouching. Come up with a set of exercises together to unload your back. These exercises won't hurt you either. It's better to do them together. All the best must be demonstrated by personal example. We often demonstrate the worst. The child most often takes out poor nutrition, bad habits, and foul language from the family. To avoid washing dirty laundry in public, try to live in such a way that it doesn’t exist! It’s difficult, of course, but what can you do! We became parents voluntarily.

7. Praise the person more often. For the little things, for the intentions, for the decisions. Of course, you need to criticize. But we don’t need to be taught this. But you often won’t get any praise from us, as if there’s nothing left of us. It is not right.

Support him. Believe me, life is easier with support and approval.

Remember yourself: if your mother smiled after you, then you moved mountains. The cases when reproaches and accusations were thrown at you were remembered for the rest of your life and remained a heavy aftertaste on your soul for the rest of your life.

8. Do easy for a person massage at night. Not everyone has skills professionally, but light soft movements can independently relieve tension in the neck and back muscles, relieve headache and emotional stress. At first he will refuse and shudder at your touch, because he is already unaccustomed to it. But try to get “permission”. A person should not forget the warmth of your hands just because he has grown up. Your warmth will warm the soul and allow the child to grow up calm, kind and happy.

Being parents is the most difficult job in the world, and no one forced us to do it. We ourselves decided to have children, the children did not ask us about it.

Therefore, be tolerant and loving as when your child first appeared. The teenage period is not long, it will certainly end. Having matured, a person will definitely appreciate your wise behavior and will be grateful for your sensitivity.

2. Talk to your child, talk.

Until recently, my daughter cooed in the evenings from her room, kitchen, and living room. There was a ringing in my ears from her constant soundtrack: retelling of school adventures, thoughts about the film, the topic of a new essay, the arbitrariness of teachers and everything in the world. You didn’t have to listen, because she shared her thoughts loudly and literally followed on your heels. It was important for her to dump everything that was filling hers with everything on your head.

The logic of a child: why learn something if you don’t share it with your mother, first of all, with your friend second, and with all of humanity third.

Then summer passed, Dasha turned fifteen years old. Hormonal changes, which began at the age of thirteen, appeared to have taken place by the age of fourteen and a half, but unexpectedly Dasha changed. She was stubborn before. But not to persuade her to go to the theater, call her grandmother or enroll in a course - this has never happened. There were always arguments, methods of persuasion or pressure worked flawlessly, and even if protests arose, they did not influence actions in any way. After some arguing, Dasha agreed to everything.

At first you didn’t pay any attention when she refused a small task. Firm, confident and categorical. There had been verbal refusals before, then, grumbling, she went and did it. And now, for a reason unknown to you, on the day of the performance she said that she would not go anywhere, she would lie on the sofa. She is not interested in the fate of the ticket, because she did not ask to buy it.

She won’t attend language courses either, because she doesn’t want to. You never know what she wanted a year ago!

Let grandma be offended that they didn’t call her. No one was going to offend her.

And such statements rained down one after another! On all fronts! Your plans for your daughter’s education no longer concern you; intentions do not matter; etiquette, education and rules of decency were not written for her. She’s not interested in the teachers’ opinions; she doesn’t care about grades. Time can be wasted. And so on. Receiving such “slaps” every day, you gradually begin to understand that the situation is out of control, you lose your temper, because the obedient, positive, open girl is no longer there. There is a teenager who is frowning, lost in his thoughts, and who is no longer interested in living the way he lived yesterday. He doesn’t know how to live further, so he won’t do anything for now.

And it's not worst option, because such a person is visible and at least it is known where he does nothing.

Such changes catch many people; this is not an uncommon situation.

Now you are warned about this, which means you are armed.

We will share useful information about how to find the keys to a door slammed in front of your nose.

No need to pester with questions. If on your tenth “why are you silent”, they answer you “I want and I am silent”, this question, like Dasha, can be temporarily left alone. We need to find the best moment. He will definitely be found.

Even a healthy person’s mood is never stable.

It depends on the amount of hormones in a person’s blood. The hormones arrived - the mood increased, after two hours they were used up, the mood went from high to even, then slightly lower, then a new release of hormones into the blood occurred, which again raised the mood.

This is a natural daily cycle (there are also seasonal, age-related, and so on). Some adults either do not notice the cyclicity or notice it, especially in states of fatigue, pain or anxiety. Other adults, on the contrary, are so affected by mood changes that they begin to suffer from it. They develop cyclothymia (from the Greek κύκλος, “circle” and θυμός - “spirit, soul”) - a mental disorder in which a person experiences mood swings between vague depression (perceptibly low mood) and hypomania (excessively elevated mood for no reason). Such people cannot do without the help of a doctor.

During adolescence, distinct cyclical fluctuations in hormone levels appear.

Dasha did not withdraw into herself on her own, she became loaded with internal experiences. A hormonal storm occurs in her body, which the girl prefers to experience quietly and alone. In a few hours she will definitely feel better and be more accommodating. Do not be offended by dry treatment, but watch the child. Start a conversation on abstract topics. The thing that irritates her most in the world right now is herself. So talk about... the dog, the movie or yourself. Ask for advice about your figure or your taste. Here you risk hearing unpleasant things about a “stupid” skirt and a vulgar haircut. But it’s better to hear this from Dasha than from someone else. Be patient, even if you are told to “take it off immediately.” Now you are solving a global issue - restoring contact lost due to the fault of nature. Let your taste be patient; you will have time to put on a “stupid” jacket.

Or talk about nonsense. Believe me, Dasha needs you. She is not looking for loneliness, she just finds it difficult to communicate. This will definitely pass, just be there and don’t be silent. Speak, Speak.

Dasha will appreciate your intelligence, tact and unobtrusiveness.

Talk to your teenager as if he were an intelligent person whose opinion is important to you. A person will not tolerate falsehood, because he has just come out of childhood - where there were no lies, intrigues, or cynicism.

A teenager enters adulthood without immunity from lies, intrigue and cynicism. He still doesn't know how to act difficult situation. Therefore, he either does not act at all, or behaves, in our opinion, inappropriately. This is due to inexperience!

How often do we see teenagers boldly discussing serious topics, gesturing widely and knowing everything in the world. They feel like adults, try new behavior, try to fit in with someone and look for themselves. The search will be crowned with success if the person is not judged during this period, but is spoken to as an equal.

Serious - if he is serious. Playfully - if he found something to joke about, philosophically - if he philosophizes. By the way, sources of information are now available to everyone. Children can pleasantly surprise you with their knowledge.

Of course, it is worth stopping foul language, aggressive tendencies, excessive emancipation and vulgarity. Everything is the same as in adults. A teenager is an inexperienced adult.

In the animal world, a baby becomes independent only when it has learned everything from its parents. So we must teach the child everything we know. Previously, it was difficult to evaluate it. So talk to him, talk.

Don't be surprised by unexpected interests.

If they are not too financially expensive, do not contradict the general line of your upbringing, and do not entail risks and injuries, support them and show sincere interest. Maybe you yourself will like the idea of ​​going down the river in a kayak or learning to play the drums. Welcome everything that does not bring spiritual ruin, addiction to alcohol and psychoactive substances. What will make your relationship transparent and trusting. The main thing is contact. Talk to your child, talk.

Of course, it’s difficult to do without prohibitions, because teenagers have no sense of danger. They are fresh from childhood, where straws were laid out in front of them everywhere. But avoid shouting, hysterics and insults. If you feel like you can’t hold back, go to the bath, wash your face with cold water and catch your breath. Everything you shout will be used against you. Therefore, be strong.

But if you couldn’t restrain yourself, you said too much - apologize. So that a person also understands that one must be responsible for words and actions. There is no shame in apologizing. It is possible to repent. You need to be yourself and not offend others.

Talk to your child, talk.

You also have difficult days, when you have no strength to talk, when cats are scratching at your soul and the world seems stupid and cruel. Share your condition with Dasha:

Dan, this happens to you when...

As it happens, mom, you will hear in response from a person who had previously been silent for two weeks, snapped and formally denied.

Remember: not a single word you say with love, attention and care will go unnoticed. A smart, subtle and inexperienced person is growing up next to you. If you don't add additional stress, your teenage years will go smoothly.

Talk to your child, talk.

This transformation causes confusion among loved ones. Parents are frightened by the deliberate rudeness of teenagers; they do not know how to communicate with a teenager, how to react to their provocative and shocking antics. It is necessary to understand that a teenager’s rudeness is a kind of defensive reaction that allows him to hide his weaknesses, shyness, etc.

During this difficult period, parents must stock up on extraordinary patience and show miracles of wisdom. To maintain a sincere dialogue with a child, you must try to hear him. After all, the most vulnerable, vulnerable and defenseless member of your family is your own teenage child.

How to communicate correctly with a teenager if it seems that all the parents’ strength is simply running out?

• Draw a mental boundary between your emotions and words to maintain dialogue and peace.


• Show restraint and do not respond to a teenager’s rudeness with parental rudeness, do not shout or assault the teenager.


• But the rudeness and rudeness of a teenager should not be taken for granted. He must clearly understand that deprivation of his pocket money or a ban on visiting a disco is a direct consequence of his inappropriate attitude towards. IN otherwise his abusive behavior will seem normal to him.


• If your child behaves defiantly when with you, then suggest that he reschedule for a more late dates. Let your child calm down, cool down and think about his behavior. You will also have free minutes to meaningfully prepare for the upcoming conversation.


• Parents should not at all switch to youth slang in order to gain authority from their parents. An easily vulnerable teenager may see this as an attempt at insult or ridicule. And the consequences of a teenager’s reaction are impossible to predict.

Severe teenage the period will pass, as everything goes in this world. The most important thing for parents is to be able to maintain a warm and trusting relationship with their teenage child, who will very soon become an adult.

Related article

Raising a teenager is a complex process. He takes long lectures, comments, and edifying advice with hostility. After all, he is sure that he himself knows and can do everything. In a dispute, the teenager does not show patience; he does not care about the opinions of adults. The family that was once dear to him fades into the background. A grown-up child becomes sad among everyday conversations.

Instructions

If a teenager does not want to fulfill his duties and does everything against you, for example, plays loud music, try talking to him in person or in a third person. At the same time, do not remember his behavior. Say things like: “Loud music makes my blood pressure rise” or “Children who neglect their studies will not be able to achieve anything in life.”

If an older child tells you something, listen carefully. After all, who, if not you, will teach him by your example to be an attentive listener. If you yourself are irritated, talk to teenager It's better to postpone it.

Voice your question or request when he makes eye contact with you. By regularly using such tactics, you will teach him to listen to you carefully. The main thing is to remember that a teenager is also an individual who must be respected.

Video on the topic

Sometimes a situation arises when loving people, children and parents, cannot find mutual understanding, offend and insult each other. In order to establish communication, you need to learn to understand and hear, trust and discuss problems.

Instructions

Learn to listen, and most importantly, hear adults. To do this, you need to try to put yourself in their place. It would hardly be pleasant if the children whom you love, in whom you have invested so much effort and care, suddenly began to be arrogant and try to show themselves as more intelligent and pragmatic than.

Try to come to an agreement conflict situation: Don’t keep what you’ve accumulated to yourself. You can talk absolutely openly, but without pretensions or moralizing, about what you don’t agree with. Ask adults to see you as already established and formed individuals. Say what you want and make mistakes, although opinions are also valuable.

Be patient and prove, not in words, but in deeds, your independence and maturity. Try not to do rash things. Gradually, adults will become convinced that you will act adequately and wisely in any situation and will not do anything stupid.

Be sure to listen to advice, because adults are wiser than you and have a lot of life experience behind them. In addition, they definitely won’t give you bad advice, because your happiness and success are what they live for.

Behave ethically and respectfully. You must understand that rudeness and intemperance can offend them.

Sometimes relationships with parents do not work out. There may be many reasons for this, but most often misunderstanding is explained by a generational conflict. To avoid it and establish contact with the most dear people, you need to distract yourself from emotions and calmly analyze the situation.

Instructions

Difficulties between people of different generations, even those close in spirit, are not a rare occurrence. If you realize that quarrels with parents have become commonplace in your home, do not rush to run away from the problem. It can be solved, but first you need to calm down.

Identify the main issues without trying to blame yourself or anything else. Don’t look for who is right and who is wrong; first, clearly formulate what conflicts most often arise around. They are divided into two groups.

The first is quarrels on domestic grounds, when the mother is annoyed by her reluctance to wash dirty dishes. The second group is related to issues of personal freedom. For example, the same mother objects to the fact that her daughter is actively dating young people and has completely abandoned her studies.

Regarding everyday issues related to the peculiarities of living together, it is quite simple to agree. Both sides will have to find a compromise. For example, if you don't like washing dishes, take on other chores, such as laundry or cooking. Show that you are an adult and do not intend to leave the decision of absolutely all everyday issues on their shoulders.

When resolving psychological conflicts, the principle is the same - the ability to negotiate and search for compromises. Accept your parents' concerns about your personal life as inevitable, even if you have been living separately for a long time. Make sure that mom and dad have less to worry about. Introduce them to your friends - this is the company you spend time with. Call more often, keep in touch.

Listen to moral teachings calmly, do not argue. Communicate that you respect and love them, but still do things your way. Do not raise your voice under any circumstances, even if you do not agree with their arguments. Do not stir up the conflict; if you understand that you are very nervous, reschedule the conversation for another time.

The transitional age of a child is a real test. He changes not only physically, but also psychologically, and sometimes he becomes completely confused in himself and becomes uncontrollable. But not only the teenagers themselves, but also their parents experience difficulties in this regard. Correct behavior during this period is the key strong relationships in family.

Instructions

Be patient. Constantly raising your voice, scandals and shouting in the house will not create the atmosphere that a difficult person needs. You will have to show attention, care and patience in your relationship with your child. You should not take to heart any action that seems wrong to you. If you lose patience, you risk losing your child.

Give up strict control. The desire to know about every step of your child is quite understandable, especially in adolescence, when there are so many temptations around. But there is a certain limit, crossing which you will violate your personal space, which will affect your relationship. You will undermine his trust if, for example, you start reading his correspondence on his phone or computer. The only way to monitor his life without causing rejection is communication. Make contact, become his friend, and then information about communication and ways to spend time will be in your hands without much effort.

Be firm at the right times. Sometimes you still have to become a strict parent. So, if your child begins to actively violate generally accepted social life rules, drastic measures must be taken. The same applies to ignoring the rules in your home. Your authority must be unshakable, otherwise respect and obedience will be lost forever.

Allow your child a certain degree of freedom. It should be expressed in independent decision-making on issues in which this can be allowed. By prohibiting any attempts towards independence, you will also show non-acceptance of the teenager as an individual. It is this moment that can create a wall between you. At the same time, it is important to observe the line: excessive care, as well as excess freedom, will become destructive.

The desire to impose your way of thinking and lifestyle will not lead to anything good. A child’s value system may be fundamentally different from yours, but this is far from a reason to classify him as difficult and strive to suppress any independence. Let him become who he wants, do not suppress the manifestation of his personality. At the stage of its formation, this can lead to isolation and even aggression.

Helpful advice

For parents of teenagers, one of the most pressing topics is what to talk about with a teenager so that he can hear you, and you can hear him.

The first and most important rule is to talk to a teenager about himself.

Adolescence is a time when changes occur in a child’s life, the child himself changes – physically and mentally, his attitude towards himself and others. The teenager is in search of his “I”, his identity. Therefore, it is important to discuss with a teenager his feelings, the changes that are taking place, to help him understand himself, and cope with the hormonal and emotional storm. At the same time, it is important to speak not in a tone of moralizing and notation, but to become a wise adviser and friend who can be trusted. Talk with your teenager about what he is interested in - about his hobbies, favorite music, books, films, computer games. Show sincere interest in what the teenager is saying, try to immerse yourself in his world, because he will instantly distinguish feigned attention from real attention.

But at the same time, you shouldn’t try and get into a teenager’s soul, because “I’m a mother, and you have to tell me everything.” Also, having received a pass into the world of a teenager’s hobbies and experiences, do not try to reshape it in your own way and set your own rules - otherwise you will be asked to leave. At this time, a person is trying to be independent, so it is possible that the child will not tell you everything. You'll have to come to terms with this. Understand that this is not a manifestation of deceit, secrecy and is done “to spite” the parents. It’s just that the child has matured, he realizes and sets certain boundaries, protecting his fragile newborn individuality.

The second category of topics is about what a teenager wants to know about

And these are, first of all, the topics of sexuality, gender relations, contraception. No matter how difficult it may be for some parents to talk about this, education on such important and delicate issues should not be trusted only to the “street”. This will protect your teenager from many risks and problems and will help improve your relationship. After all, if you expect frankness and trust from a teenager, then there should be no taboo topics.

And third, talk about yourself.

Adolescence is a period when a person begins to critically evaluate his parents, who used to be an unquestioned ideal. Don’t hope - you won’t be able to hide behind the mask of an ideal and suppress a teenager with authority. Learn to admit mistakes, share your doubts, and most importantly, your successful experience, because this is what a teenager lacks so much. This way you can bond and become a friend and advisor to your child, and you can maintain this trusting relationship for life.

Video on the topic

When the child reaches adolescence, parents notice that their relationship with him is becoming more tense and complex, and sometimes simply unbearable. This problem occurs most often in our Everyday life. The child begins a transition period from childhood to adulthood, the duration of which varies depending on the pace of his development. Usually after three or four years everything gets back on track. But how difficult it can be to get through these years, and how many mistakes are made during this time.

The main feature of adolescence is sudden hormonal and functional changes in the body. This is reflected in mental state teenager. He becomes more vulnerable, emotionally unstable, and commits actions that are inexplicable from a logical point of view.

The teenager develops a “sense of adulthood,” which parents need to support, confirming with examples from everyday life: “You helped me..., you have matured noticeably, you have learned a lot,” “You did... like an adult.” independent person, I’m very pleased,” etc..

In addition, many parents notice that their children, as teenagers, are more eager to communicate with their peers and can talk to them on the phone for hours. This is also one of the features of this age. And what relationships are more complicated a teenager with his parents, the more he listens to the opinions of his peers. This happens because he begins to trust them more. In that age period It is very important for parents to maintain trust and understanding in their relationship with their child.

A big part of our relationship is communication. It proves its significance from the very birth of a person. Thanks to communication, we can maintain a “thread of trust and understanding” for the rest of our lives or break it at any stage of a child’s development (usually adolescence). Trusting communication should, first of all, be based on treating the child as an individual from birth. It is necessary to respect his opinion and take it into account in building joint plans. This is especially important in adolescence. The most important thing in a relationship with a child is sincerity. Teenagers are especially sensitive to lies. At this age, it is more difficult for them to forgive their parents for their insincerity. Sometimes they don't forgive her at all. When building a relationship with a child of this age, it is important for parents to take it into account age characteristics. To help parents, there are several ways to effectively communicate with a teenager. Applying them in everyday life will help maintain trust and understanding between parents and their children:

While listening to your child, let him understand and feel that you understand his condition, the feelings associated with the event he is telling you about. To do this, listen to the child, and then in your own words repeat what he told you. You will kill three birds with one stone:

• the child will make sure that you hear him;
• the child will be able to hear himself as if from the outside and become better aware of his feelings;
• the child will make sure that you understood him correctly.

Conversation on serious topic spend it when there is no one else around. When speaking, watch your tone. He shouldn't be mocking. Maintain a calm tone and listen carefully. You don't have to have all the answers;

Try not to say: “I don’t care what they did there, but you better not get involved in it,” “I know what’s best for you,” “Do what I tell you and the problem will be solved.”

Support and encourage your child without words. Smile, hug, wink, pat on the shoulder, nod your head, look into the eyes, take your hand.

Never compare him with someone, don’t tell him that he should be like someone else.

Advise your child, but give him freedom to choose his action.

While listening to your child, watch his facial expressions and gestures and analyze them. Sometimes children assure us that everything is fine, but a trembling chin or sparkling eyes tell a completely different story. When words and facial expressions do not match, always give preference to facial expressions, posture, gestures, and tone of voice.

Never humiliate a child even with words.

Don't put your child in an awkward position in front of strangers.

When encouraging your child, keep the conversation going and demonstrate your interest in what he is telling you. For example, ask: “What happened next?” or “Tell me about it...”.

Look up from the TV and put down the newspaper when your child wants to talk to you.

Let your child know that you are interested in him and are always ready to help.

Video on the topic

Most often, even the most responsible parents do not fully realize that such a period is a very big test in a child’s life, and loved ones are obliged to help children overcome this period painlessly.

Children are not frank with loved ones, because parents sometimes, instead of supporting them, begin to stuff them with moral teachings, annoying dialogues about the benefits and harms of certain things, resolutely insisting on their unconditional parental rightness and authority. They say the banal: “Here I am at your age... But you are not me, that’s why you are suffering now.” This is how parental selfishness and hypocrisy are manifested, and children acutely understand and feel this. Teenagers subtly discern falsehood, expose not only the lies of annoying moralizing, but also become furious from cold indifference, because they are extremely vulnerable at this age and take everything to heart.

Many adults, wise with life experience, say: “Adolescence is not scary, it will pass on its own.” But here it was necessary to add: “The main thing is that it passes without consequences for the child,” otherwise, later it will be impossible to correct it or rewind time back.

Any parent knows that it is very difficult to establish relationships with teenagers. Hormones are raging inside them, causing sudden mood swings, as a result, teenagers are constantly in a nervous state. Many questions torment parents of children who are in adolescence; it is very important to find answers to these questions in order to behave competently in a given situation.

Instructions

Children often withdraw into themselves and boycott their parents. Naturally, mom and dad begin to worry and do not understand how to behave correctly at this moment, they try to get the child to talk, and this only provokes conflicts.

The fact is that children behave this way because they want to appear to both others and themselves as independent and independent of anyone. During this period, the child really needs his parents, but does not know how to ask them for advice, ask for support, he is afraid of encountering misunderstandings, so he simply stops communicating with mom and dad. You need to show attention to your child, but it shouldn’t be intrusive, you just need to explain to the child that he can always turn to his parents for help, don’t be shy about it.

During adolescence, children’s performance at school often declines; naturally, parents begin to panic, get angry, and scold the child. First you need to understand the reasons why this happened. Most often, a decrease in academic performance is associated with the presence of various kinds of problems, including problems with peers and in personal life. There is no need to make scandals, you just need to take a closer look at the child and try to help him, and not force him to do his homework.

When a child gets involved with bad company, parents naturally wonder why this happened, what contributed to this development of events. The reason is not always that the child himself is, so to speak, bad. Sometimes in such a company it is easier for children to hide from personal problems, family troubles, and misunderstandings. In such companies, children are not taught to be smart, there is complete freedom, and this is very attractive to the child.

During this period, it is important to take the right position. If you constantly tell your child that his social circle is bad and forbid him to communicate with such people, he will do the opposite. You just need to have frank conversations with your child, but at the same time not speak badly about his friends, and perhaps even try to find something good in them.

Complexes associated with appearance also most often appear in adolescence, and parents often do not understand what exactly does not suit the child in his appearance, because he is almost ideal. This is a normal stage of growing up, at which parents should often compliment their child and note his merits so that the teenager’s self-esteem does not decrease.

Tip 10: How not to communicate with a teenager: mistakes of parents

The teenage period is very important both for the child and for the parents. During this period, it is very easy to ruin your relationship with your child forever. But on the other hand, if you maintain a trusting relationship with your child during adolescence, then there is Great chance that they will be like this for a long time. How exactly parents behave during adolescence largely determines how their child will grow up in the future. There are several of the most common and dangerous mistakes that parents make and which they regret very much after a while, but it is almost impossible to correct the situation.

Instructions

Loving mothers always try to be close to their children, try to protect them from various kinds of difficulties, want to help in everything, but overprotectiveness can play a cruel joke. When a mother does not allow her child to become independent for a long time, he gets used to the fact that his mother does everything for him and stops showing any initiative. Therefore, it is important to move away from your child in time and allow him to act as he wants. Yes, he may make mistakes, but these will be his mistakes, and he will learn from them.

When a woman has a child early, she quickly wants to realize herself and build a good career. As a rule, teenage children no longer need constant supervision, so it is during this period that parents often begin to pay active attention to their work, sometimes simply forgetting about the child. Children most often do not complain, they get used to the fact that their parents are absent for a long time, but when they begin to live separately in adulthood, these children also forget to come to their parents, they often do not think about them. It is very important to always pay enough attention to your child so that he does not feel left out.

Often in adolescence, children become very demanding, they can ask to buy various kinds of things, and if parents have the opportunity, they try to satisfy everything their child “wants” because they think that this is right. But subsequently, such children often become spoiled, and it becomes extremely difficult to correct this. Parents must be aware of their actions and understand when a particular purchase is appropriate and when it is not.

When parents scold their child for something, they often compare him with others, for example, with classmates. Such examples are often given by mothers and fathers solely for educational purposes, but statements of this kind only contribute to a decrease in the child’s self-esteem, and as we know, people with low self-esteem are extremely insecure and this greatly hinders them in life.

Actually, it is advisable to start working on yourself and building the right relationship with your child from the first day of his life. Psychologists have written many articles on this topic. But let's look at the situation from the point of view of ordinary parents. There are several options for developing family relationships:

• authoritarian education,
• complete or partial alienation,
• friendship.

Authoritarian parenting involves unquestioning fulfillment of all parental demands, regardless of the child’s wishes. There is a strict hierarchy in the family, in which the child invariably occupies the lowest level and has no right to vote. Authoritarian parenting is the most convenient from the parents’ point of view, because the child, being under constant psychological pressure, is obedient, never contradicts and silently follows the orders of the parents.

True, in adult life it will not be easy for such a person. A person who is afraid to contradict his parents does not dare to contradict anyone at all. A child who is brought up by intimidation, blackmail, who is not given the right to express his opinion and who does not have the right to this opinion either, is unlikely to grow up to be a confident person. During adolescence, the child will try to assert himself in the most different ways, not always safe for him and others. And having felt freedom from parental control, he can make mistakes that his parents will be afraid to admit, and this is a huge risk that the teenager will get into trouble, find himself in a situation from which it is very difficult to find a way out, and impossible to do alone. Most often, such upbringing is determined by the desire of the parents to protect the child from mistakes, to protect him, rather than by dislike for the child.

Alienation You can name disinterest, indifference of family members to each other, or the parents’ perception of the child as something inanimate. In such a relationship, the child grows up on his own, the parents know little about his life and, although outwardly the family may be very prosperous, the child suffers from lack of attention. When a teenager gets into trouble, parents cannot understand why this happened, because there were no conflicts in the family.

Family friendships- this is love, respect, interest, common affairs and interests, these are noisy quarrels and unbridled fun. Such upbringing gives the child confidence that home is safe, that at home he will always be understood and accepted, despite his mistakes and failures. Success or failure is experienced together, but parents never evaluate the child by his achievements or mistakes.

The best thing is to become a friend and support to the child from the very first days of life, not to patronize, imposing your experience, but to allow him to fill his own bumps, teach him to make decisions and bear responsibility for them. Less criticism and empty praise: let the child learn to confidently achieve his goals. The most difficult thing is to understand, gently guide, without imposing your opinion. Allow your teenager to scream if he wants to scream. Allow you to have your own preferences in food, clothing, and music. Support your teenager in his hobbies. Listen to the teenager, even if it seems that he is talking complete nonsense and does not respect subordination. We adults often get caught up in own life, pushing into the background the needs and experiences of their own children. This is a big mistake. Of course, control is necessary. But not obsessive total control. And calm and amenable to logical explanation, understandable to your teenager.

For example, “I know the password for your social network page, but I don’t need to view your correspondence. I should have quick access to your personal information only in case you get into trouble and only in order to be able to help you in a timely manner.” At the same time, this approach allows you to get to know your teenager better, be aware of his needs and hobbies, teach by example and from your own mistakes, and educate the teenager without tying his hands or closing his mouth.

Sometimes there is such a hormonal storm and it is difficult for a growing person to control his emotions at these moments. It is important to treat him with understanding, to guide him, to make it clear that you do not judge him, but understand him. Instead of making fun of a teenager's problems, help with advice. And please, no long lectures. It’s better to speak out sharply, and sometimes don’t spare a strong word in order to clearly express your attitude to the situation. A long conversation will only lead to rolling your eyes and the manifestation of negativism characteristic of adolescents. If there is dissatisfaction with behavior, speak directly, do not fuss. But don't criticize either.

The problem of parents and children is not only very ancient, but also more relevant than ever in our time. Adults, thinking that they know better, impose their opinions on literally everything: where to go to study, how to dress, with whom and where to walk, and even which life partner to choose. Teenagers, in turn, try to prove that they are independent and adults, often unsuccessfully. How to improve relationships with parents?

Advice one

Gain financial independence. Of course, this will not be very easy to do before you turn 18, but since you have received your passport, you can easily start working part-time. It would seem, what does the parents have to do with it? The thing is that when you bring your first hard-earned money into the house, your parents will respect you more. Yes, don’t be surprised: it’s so easy to go from a child to an adult. A gift bought for your mother on your first payday will help melt her heart, and who knows, maybe she will let you go to that party that she forbade.

Tip two

P be passionate about their hobbies. At least you can pretend. Chatting on neutral topics such as football or fishing with your father, and with your mother about culinary delights, will help you get closer and establish communication. You will gain more trust, and this is the first step towards freedom.

Tip three

Push back the boundaries and borders. They ask you something, but you remain silent or go away from the topic? Or maybe even worse, you throw a scandal and slam doors? This will not only not solve the problem, but will also make it worse. What to do if you don’t want to reveal your secrets? Try starting the conversation yourself. We talked a little about the good, told what we could within acceptable limits. They are satisfied with the information received and will not pester you again. Such heart-to-heart conversations show the degree of your trust. And as mentioned earlier, trust is the key to freedom.

Tip four

Don't forget to help. This also shows your maturity. Water the flowers or take out the trash, nail or fix something. This is easy and quick to do, and most importantly, it effectively helps in relationships with parents. Joint activities are the best way to eliminate misunderstandings, which, in turn, are the root of all problems.