What to do if the child is nervous and disobedient? Today, more and more young parents are asking this question. Relying on the help of doctors, friends, and various Internet resources, they strive to find a solution to the problem without paying due attention to the motives for its occurrence.
But these two factors are inextricably linked, and, accordingly, should not be considered in isolation from each other. Therefore, let's try to correct this omission and find out what are the causes of increased excitability, whether it is possible to help in this situation, and how to do it.
What is a nervous child anyway? For the success of further development of the topic, it is necessary to understand that such children include not only naughty and constantly capricious kids, but also toddlers who are quite nice to others.
Therefore, the following signs should be a “red light” for parents who are afraid to miss the moment when they can still help:
- The child's interest becomes superficial and attention becomes scattered. He starts doing something and switches to something completely different in just a moment.
- He begins to talk a lot and quickly, interrupting the interlocutor without even listening to him. The baby’s speech takes on increased emotional overtones and becomes crumpled and slurred.
- If a child is nervous and aggressive, this also affects his health. Psychological instability can lead to the appearance of enuresis, loss of appetite, insomnia and other unpleasant consequences.
- Fatigue is accompanied by bursts of aggression and irritability. For example, after kindergarten/a walk or when getting ready for bed, a child, for no apparent reason, begins to cry loudly and be capricious.
If the reasons that the toddler has become nervous are not related to his health, then, as a rule, the process can be completely reversed. The main thing is to notice the problem in time and be ready to change the lifestyle of not only the child, but also yourself.
Root causes and sources of irritability
If a child is nervous and disobedient literally from the first minutes of life, then we can confidently speak about a genetic predisposition. However, if the transformation of a “good boy” into a “smart guy” occurs gradually, it means that this process is caused by completely different reasons, for example:
The child's desire to attract attention
What is important here is not only the number of hours/minutes that you spend with him, but also their quality. If in those moments when he is looking for you as a friend, a play partner (especially in the first years of life), a “vest” for tears (after failures or severe stress), etc., you take the position of an outside observer, showing affection only when your and your child’s need for it coincides, then there is no need to talk about any emotional well-being of the baby.
Formation of the baby’s own “I”
As a rule, age-related changes in the child’s psyche occur in 4 stages:
- From 0 to 2 years, when the toddler receives his first and main skills (, roll over, eat).
- From 2 to 4 years, when he learns to do most of the actions independently (get dressed, eat, go to the toilet, etc.).
- From 4 to 8-10 years old, when he begins to recognize himself as a person who, in addition to responsibilities, also has rights.
- From 9-11 years old, when he enters puberty and faces the crisis of adolescence.
And if at the first stage the child is too nervous and irritable, as a rule, only due to lack of attention, then later excessive care can also be brought into this. Suppressing attempts to show independence with eternal “lisping” or strict control causes only irritation and aggression in a child who has already outgrown the need for them.
Lack of a unified model of upbringing in the family
Imagine the situation: dad allows you to take sweets before lunch, and mom reprimands for this, the baby is scolded for swear words, but the adults themselves insert them almost every other word in their speech, parents impose a ban on any action, but cannot convey tell the baby what exactly the ban is connected with, and what are the consequences of violating it.
In such an information vacuum, children often become weak-willed and irritable. When choosing a behavior model, they are guided not your own desires, but by what others want to get from them. Constant suppression of personal motives does not lead to anything good, and soon an extremely nervous and hot-tempered child appears before us.
Low level of socialization
When a child is alone in a family, he often receives all the attention of the rest of the family. They play with him, entertain him, pamper him. And when such a child suddenly finds himself in a diametrically opposite environment (goes to kindergarten) and realizes that now he is not the “navel of the earth,” but only one of many “cute and beautiful children,” his mental state may sway. A similar parallel can be drawn with the appearance of a brother or sister.
Family conflicts
It's no secret that a child absorbs the emotions of others like a sponge. Those children who grow up in an atmosphere of love, mutual respect and care, as a rule, grow into happy and self-sufficient people. The same kids who are constantly forced to watch their parents quarrel, live in an environment of incessant scandals, or become the object of division in a divorce that is not always simple and peaceful, are forced to worry not only about themselves, but also about their parents.
Such stress has a rather strong effect on the fragile psyche, and over time the child begins to repeat the behavioral model of adults, and then completely shows aggression and disobedience towards them.
Good to know! Neuroses are not always the cause of irritability. In some cases, they become a direct consequence of constant hysterics and the vagaries of stress. Therefore, the sooner you ask the question “how to calm a nervous child,” the less pressure will be put on his nervous system, and the less chance he will develop a mental disorder.
Medicine and folk remedies or how to cure without crippling
If your child is very nervous and excitable, you can be sure that with age this problem will not go away on its own, but will only get worse. But if at the age of three, to solve it you only need to become more sensitive to the emotional needs of your baby, then at the age of 5 or 7 you may need a complete reboot of the relationship and the intervention of specialists.
If you are unable to cope with a young “rebel” on your own, the advice of a neurologist (of course, an experienced and qualified one) will be an excellent help. Unlike most parents, a specialist knows how to work with children in the form of a game and quickly finds out what could influence such a change in condition.
He can also offer non-standard ways to solve the problem. Indeed, why buy expensive and ineffective vitamins for nervous children (unless a mental disorder is not a disease), when there are other levers of influence, such as:
- art therapy;
- bodily orientation;
- treatment with fairy tales;
- and a number of other procedures in which parents will be directly involved.
As for traditional medicine, then here too you can adopt some methods only with the permission of the attending physician.
IN otherwise you risk making the problem worse. After all, it’s not at all a fact that your baby, just like you, will benefit from a chamomile decoction to calm down, and a relaxing herbal bath won’t give him a rash or, worse, get a rash.
Prevention
But why ask the question “what to do if the child has become nervous and irritable?”, when it is much easier not to bring him to such a state? After all, this requires little effort, you just have to apply it constantly.
Exactly how to behave with a beginning “rebel” suggests itself from the reasons for his destructive behavior.
- Become friends
- Release your control
If the nervousness is caused by the formation of your own self, relax your control. Let your child do some things on his own. If he craves this so much, it means he has already grown up. And even if the first attempts are unsuccessful (who among us has not made mistakes), your task here is only to provide moral support, gently point out mistakes and point in the right direction, but nothing more.
- Find a compromise
If the baby’s whims are a consequence of your intra-family contradictions regarding upbringing and behavior, then finally find a compromise on these issues. There is nothing good in the fact that a child will rush around, not knowing who is right, mom or dad.
- Stop arguing
If the root of all troubles is discord in the family, find the strength within yourself to come to a final decision: either correct both of you (thereby lowering the degree of tension), or break up completely if it is not possible for you to get along.
However, do not forget that you already have a very nervous child. And so that he does not blame himself for your problems, during this period it is necessary to surround him with even more warmth, take him out more often straight Talk and demonstrate your care (but not with material gifts, but with attention and affection).
Yes, you may have to change your behavior pattern for this, but isn’t (if you are already reading this article) the psychological health and emotional balance of the baby worth it?
Most young parents dream that their baby will grow up happy, calm, and friendly. Adults imagine what it should be like perfect child, trying to make dreams come true.
But why, instead of words of love and a sincere smile, do adults often receive whims, rude words, hysterics, anger, and inappropriate behavior in response? What to do if the child is nervous and disobedient? It is important to understand the reasons and understand how to cope with the problem. Find out what psychologists think about raising children.
Why doesn't the baby listen?
There are many known factors that provoke whims and bad behavior. Psychologists identify several main reasons that most often influence the violent expression of emotions in children of different ages.
Attempts to attract attention
The problem with today's children is the lack of time that parents devote to their growing child. Often the reason lies in workload, a heap of material and everyday problems.
Sometimes adults are too busy with their own thoughts to delve into the child’s life, not formally, but with sincere participation. Little individuals do not know how to attract attention in any other way; they choose crying, hysterics, and disobedience.
The struggle for leadership in the family
Children often “stomp their feet”, do things their own way (even incorrectly), if adults always impose their opinions and do not recognize the small personality in their son or daughter. Commanding tone - no best helper to raise a calm, happy child.
Loss of self-confidence
Constant prohibitions, humiliation, lack of praise, nitpicking over little things lower self-esteem. The kid is often told that he is “stupid,” “incompetent,” “worse than Vasya from the second floor,” and so on. The child is capricious, snaps, and tries to create a protective “cocoon.”
Remember! The longer such treatment lasts, the more difficult it is to restore self-confidence to a boy or girl, and the more difficult it is to raise a self-sufficient personality.
Desire to take revenge on adults
It's not a matter of bad upbringing or bad character. Children do not forgive deception, are offended by unfulfilled promises, and suffer from jealousy of their peers, whom their parents constantly set as an example.
Psychologists advise parents to think about how they offended their daughter or son if suddenly the behavior deteriorated, the baby began to snap, do everything out of spite, and become capricious. If it is difficult to find the reason within yourself, calmly and confidentially talk with your son or daughter. Perhaps you will find out what triggered the emotional wound in a preschooler or teenager.
Manifestations of childish disobedience:
- a preschooler falls into childhood. The main reason is the appearance of a younger brother or sister, a constant reminder “you are already an adult.” But a 3-4 year old child doesn’t always want to be older. An overwhelming burden puts pressure on the psyche, the little “adult” behaves like a baby: he begins to pee, asks to be spoon-fed, does not want to dress himself, throws toys around. Often, a child who has “suddenly matured” does not want to care for someone who has taken away his childhood privileges;
- the child does everything out of spite. The main reason is lack of attention. Another factor is the desire to be the head of the family. Sometimes the thought of one’s own “adulthood” and importance deprives a child of common sense. At 3–4 years old, it is difficult for children to express in words their desire for leadership; they solve problems by shouting, hysterics, and ugly scenes in crowded places.
- the child does forbidden things, knowing that he will be punished again. After such scenes, parents often break down, scream, and put them in a corner. But a day later everything repeats itself again: the toys are not folded, things are lying on the sofa, in the corner there is a mountain of candy wrappers mixed with cubes and cars. The reason is insufficient trust in the relationship between adults and the child, a weak psycho-emotional connection. Children feel well the lack of affection, the lack of sincere interest in their personality. Conclusion: half an hour of confidential, sincere communication is better than half a day of falsehood and pretense;
- the child provokes scandals. The reason is the same as when acting out of spite to parents. Lack of attention forces you to take extreme measures. What can a little person do (even teenagers are vulnerable and defenseless at heart) if attempts to talk lead nowhere? That's right, we have to rebel. How? Manifestations depend on age: kids become hysterical, cry, make scenes, shout at the entire store or bus. Teenagers constantly argue, act against the rules, and ignore their parents.
Crisis periods
Experts in child psychology identify several dangerous periods when the balance in relationships is often disturbed:
- from one to one and a half years. There is a clear discrepancy between the needs and capabilities of the small personality;
- from 2.5 to 3 years. Children strive to become independent, but due to their age, not everything works out; they are always put in the frame of “you’re still small”;
- from 6 to 7 years. A child goes to school, and a first-grader crisis often arises. Maximum attention and understanding of the stressful situation in which the first-grader finds himself is required from parents;
- from 10 years old. The first manifestations of teenage maximalism. There is no gray, there is only “black” and “white”. Children demand sincerity in relationships, self-respect, and do not forgive falsehood. Often bad behavior teenagers protest against mental/physical violence.
How to deal with naughty and nervous children
Helpful Tips:
- it is important to remain calm and take into account the interests of the little person when making some decisions related to family life;
- You cannot shout, humiliate, let alone beat children of any age: you will only cause opposition, tears (or silent protest + hidden resentment). Restore trust in you, show that you love your son or daughter for who they are;
- Treat negative manifestations philosophically. Psychologists advise understanding that if parents behave correctly, the storm will gradually subside. Patience is one of the main qualities of good parents;
- don’t let them “sit on your head”, explain your position, show by personal example your respectful attitude towards other family members. If you yourself act incorrectly, humiliate your husband/wife and other children, it is unlikely that you will be able to raise a happy, calm child;
- With early age don't raise a tyrant. You can’t announce to everyone that the main thing in the family is the child. Often children are capricious, defend their importance with shouting and bad behavior if they try to take away the title of “king” or “princess” from them;
- take into account difficult periods in the life of your son or daughter. Age crises are inevitable, the main thing is to survive them with dignity. Understand: the young rebel does not experience the joy of having his unacceptable demands met. All the same, he will have to come up with new tricks that his parents are unlikely to agree with. And so on ad infinitum. Patience, a friendly attitude, and sincere interest in the individual are the key to maintaining good relationships.
Find out the rules for using Lazolvan children's cough syrup at the address.
- Give your children the right to choose more often. Let even a three-year-old child feel his importance. This or that doll, pajamas with polka dots or flowers, today a hat with a bubo or with ears - children sometimes have to choose. Important point: do not turn into a slave, asking your baby for advice every minute on any occasion;
- do not give in to provocations when a capricious person provokes you into a scandal. Don't waste your emotional energy. If parents behave kindly and confidently, your firmness and calmness will certainly pass on to the child. What can you expect from an explosive, furiously screaming mom (or an angry dad with a belt)? The young prankster doesn’t know, he’s even more lost and nervous;
- talk to children on their level, looking into their eyes. Incorrect position - “pose of superiority”: the baby is sitting, the adult is looking from above, emphasizing his importance. Correct position: children and parents sit on a sofa, bench, etc., talking, looking into the eyes. You can sit down, kneel down, sit the little person next to you, and try to talk calmly. The main thing: eyes at the same level plus a confidential, calm tone;
- A decoction of lemon balm, mint, motherwort herb, valerian in tablets, baths with string and chamomile will reduce nervous tension. You should not get carried away with sedative pills or use medications without a doctor’s recommendation.
Take note:
- many “ideal kids” often have psychological problems. A disobedient, nervous child splashes out his disagreement with the rules and shows violent emotions;
- ideal, obedient children, silently, fulfill all requests, never conflict, and do not try to express their “I”. Both negative and positive emotions are absent;
- remember: the child is not a robot, complete obedience, unconditional fulfillment of any requirements should be alarming;
- visit a psychologist and get advice. Perhaps you are putting too much pressure on a small person with your authority? It is easier for a child with low self-esteem and a depressed self to submit than to start a useless argument;
- The sooner you pay attention to such behavior, the easier it is to correct the situation and teach your child to show emotions. Otherwise, you will raise a weak-willed, weak person who does not know how to defend his principles.
Child's temperament type
Consider the temperament of your son or daughter:
- phlegmatic person. Be sure to explain your opinion, respect the children, calmly propose a plan of action;
- choleric An excellent option is an appeal to justice;
- melancholic. Be sure to praise the children even for minor achievements (without falsehood), gently push them to action;
- sanguine. Invite them to do tasks together: children of this type are easily carried away, they need to be interested, and not forced.
It is difficult to remain calm when everything inside is seething with indignation, but for the sake of a good relationship you will have to try. Raising children is not only joy and pleasant emotions, but also daily work. It's hard to argue with this statement. Listen to the recommendations of psychologists, think about what can be done if the child is disobedient and nervous. Your patience, friendly attitude, love for your son and daughter will help.
Most often, a child’s irritability indicates the presence of nervous disorders. Find out how to properly deal with childhood nervousness.
If your child is very nervous, gets irritated over trifles, and it can be difficult to have a conversation with him, then most likely we are talking about congenital nervous disorders, which are not so rare. Such children are easily excited, do not interact well with their peers, have problems sleeping and have poor appetite.
Teaching irritable children is also difficult, as it is quite difficult for them to maintain attention for a long time. The inability to learn effectively is also due to the fact that when nervous activity is impaired, increased fatigue is noted. At school, the child gets tired quickly, and to complete homework he no longer has enough strength.
Childhood neuroses are characterized by strong emotional swings. In some cases, the child may be overly active, and sometimes he can be silent and withdrawn.
Vegetopathy
Often, increased irritability in children is observed against the background of autonomic disorders. The autonomic nervous system is the part of the nervous system that is responsible for the normal functioning of internal organs. The hypothalamus, a section of the brain located in the subcortical zone and representing a cluster of nerve cells, is responsible for autonomic regulation. Since the hypothalamus is closely connected with the cerebral cortex, any mental disorders have a strong impact on autonomic regulation.
In turn, autonomic dysfunctions negatively affect the functioning of many organs and systems, in particular the cardiovascular, respiratory and digestive.
Children with autonomic disorders tolerate physical and mental stress very poorly, and also react too sensitively to changes in weather. Often a child with autonomic dysfunction experiences a feeling of lack of air, arrhythmic breathing and sudden changes in blood pressure. May also be noted discomfort in the heart area, headaches, dizziness, nausea and insomnia. That is, with vegetative disorders, nervousness is combined with a number of physical ailments.
How to help your child?
In case of excessive irritability caused by vegetopathy, parents need to take care of strengthening the child’s autonomic regulation. For these purposes, the use of water procedures, such as contrast showers, hardening and wiping, is effective. An important place in the treatment of autonomic disorders is occupied by healthy eating and physical activity. An appointment is also required. special means to normalize activities of cardio-vascular system and other manifestations of autonomic dysfunction.
Especially for children, the Borshchagovsky Chemical and Pharmaceutical Plant has developed a combination drug that is used in the complex treatment of autonomic disorders.
The drug contains three active components:
- Taurine– a sulfur-containing amino acid that takes an active part in metabolic processes, in particular in the metabolism of proteins, carbohydrates and fats. Taurine has pronounced cytoprotective properties and protects organs and tissues from damage due to psychological and oxidative stress. This amino acid has neuro- and cardioprotective properties, and also normalizes cardiac activity through a direct effect on the sympathetic nervous system.
- Hawthorn fruit extract. Since ancient times, hawthorn has been known as an effective remedy in the treatment of cardiovascular pathologies. Hawthorn fruit extract has cardiotonic properties, improves blood supply to the heart muscle, and also improves metabolic processes.
- Motherwort extract– the third component of the drug, which has a calming effect on the central nervous system. In addition, motherwort has a mild antispasmodic, hypotensive and anticonvulsant effect.
Kratal for children improves emotional condition child, increases his performance, calms the nervous system and normalizes sleep.
The drug should be taken according to the following regimen: children aged 6-11 years - 1 tablet 3 times a day, children aged 12-18 years - 2 tablets 3 times a day. The drug is taken orally before meals with a sufficient amount of liquid. The duration of treatment is 1 month.
Adverse reactions: allergic reactions, bradycardia, arterial hypotension, drowsiness and dizziness are possible.
Before use, be sure to read the instructions and consult your doctor.
Keep the drug out of the reach of children.
Self-medication can be dangerous to your health.
Not every “difficult” child is necessarily sick, but doctors consider some forms of behavioral disturbances in children to be a manifestation of nervousness.
In a nervous child, behavioral changes sometimes appear already in preschool age. Most often they are expressed in increased excitability and motor restlessness. At this age, the process of inhibition is not yet sufficiently developed, the process of excitation predominates, so even a healthy child finds it difficult to suppress his desire to move. The child looks at the adults in surprise: how can they sit for so long? You will rarely hear a child complain that he is tired of playing or running, but he often tells his parents: “ I'm tired of sitting».
Why are they "different"?
Increased activity is typical for healthy children. However, it differs from the aimless, chaotic motor restlessness of a nervous child. Nervous children move a lot, fuss, everything around them attracts their attention, but not for long: they take a toy and immediately throw it away, demand to read a fairy tale, but very quickly stop listening to it, get distracted. Such anxiety is usually accompanied by talkativeness, and the child’s statements are inconsistent and fragmentary. He endlessly asks questions, but without waiting for an answer, he begins to talk about something. When tired, the situation changes, a new person appears in the house, or when traveling, the baby becomes especially excited, disobedient, and cannot sit still.
Motor restlessness and disinhibition often occur in children who have suffered from a number of diseases or head injuries. This behavior of a child is easily reinforced if the parents treat him incorrectly.
Noting the child's excessive anxiety, parents should not constantly make comments to him. As already mentioned, the process of inhibition in such a child is weakened and he is not able to suppress his excessive mobility. We need to direct it to useful activities, give the child feasible tasks around the house, keep him busy with games related to movement (rolling a car, stacking cubes, etc.). You should allow your child to run freely in the yard without worrying about getting his clothes dirty. To strengthen the baby’s nervous system, it is necessary to ensure that he follows a daily routine (correctly alternating hours of study and rest). Frequent visits from guests and long stays on holidays are harmful to him.
Constant prohibitions, remarks, punishments lead to the fact that some children have a protest reaction: they do everything in defiance of their elders, scream, fall on the floor, stomp their feet, try to fight.
This reaction can occur not only in motorically disinhibited children. At the age of 3-4 years, a child develops a desire for independence; he wants to do everything himself: dress, eat, play. And many parents, fearing that the child will drop the glass, get burned or dress incorrectly, limit it. It is against these restrictions that the child begins to protest. Such upbringing can also cause protest in older children. Let's look at a few typical situations that will help you see the difference between strict and overly strict, between the caring and overly caring attitude of parents towards their children. Parenting is a very delicate matter, in which it is sometimes difficult to draw the line between right and wrong, which is why in conversations with concerned parents we have to use words such as “excessively”, “insufficient”, “excessively”, etc. But it is this , forgive the primitive comparison, “overweight or underweight,” which seems completely harmless to an adult, can deeply wound the child’s psyche and trigger the mechanism of inappropriate behavior and “uncontrollability” of the child.
Carrot and stick
Sasha’s protest against adults was expressed in his refusal to read aloud in class and at home. Sasha’s mother always demanded that her son obey her and forbade him a lot, without explaining the reasons for the ban. One day a child asked permission to take a toy with him. The mother, without explaining why she was doing this, threw the toy out of the bag. Another time, when Sasha quarreled with a boy and hit him, the mother turned and walked away from the child, causing a long scream and tears.
This was the baby’s reaction to his mother’s too “cool” approach. And Sasha refused to read aloud after his mother, in the presence of his classmates, said that he read the worst. The boy was offended, cried, threw the book away, and for several weeks he could not be forced to pick up the book. Thus, excessive (and unreasonable) demands, comments made in a harsh form, hurting the child’s pride, can lead to behavior disorders.
Threats and constant fear of punishment make the child “downtrodden,” fearful, and not independent. Some children become deceitful and insincere in such a situation.
Contradictions between parents in upbringing have a particularly adverse effect on the health and development of a child’s personality. Often one of them is overly strict and demanding, completely trying to subjugate the child to his will, while the other (most often the mother) protects him from such a harsh attitude of his father, “secretly” indulges his whims, tries to please new toy, sweets, but in case of disobedience, he resorts to the authority of his father, threatens to complain to him, reminds him that “father will punish.”
Here is the second situation, depicting how relationships developed in a family where two children are growing up. The mother does not work, and Katya and Seryozha are always under her supervision. The father and children are very strict, ensuring unquestioning implementation of all his instructions, without explaining their necessity. Once on the train he did not allow the boy to take off a warm sweater, despite the fact that it was very stuffy and hot. The ban was caused by the fact that the boy put on a sweater without permission, and when his father warned him that it would be hot, he promised not to complain. The father believes that only with such upbringing will children grow up strong-willed, courageous, and independent.
The mother is a caring, affectionate, kind woman, she takes pity on the children, tries to free them from unnecessary stress, believing that they are overtired. Taking pity on the children, she often cancels his orders in the absence of her father, pampers them, and allows them a lot.
And children do not grow up the way their parents would like. They are weak-willed, nervous and irritable, Seryozha even developed a nervous tic (twitching of the muscles of the face and shoulders). In the absence of their father, children are rude to their mother and others, demand fulfillment of their whims, quarrel and fight. At school they often have conflicts with classmates. When the father is at home, external peace is restored in the family, the children do everything their parents tell them. But this obedience of Katya and Seryozha is only an external form of behavior, but in essence they grow up undisciplined and insincere.
In the family, despite parental love, the conditions of upbringing turned out to be very difficult for children. They are forced to adapt to constantly changing conditions; they do not develop an integral character, as they would like, but bad habits and skills. In addition, such conditions cause overstrain of the nervous system, as a result of which Seryozha developed a nervous tic.
Quarrels and discord
A common reason for changes in a child's behavior is quarrels and disagreement between parents. Children experience this painfully, they are in a state of anxiety, they become fearful and whiny. Older children have impaired performance, they complain of fatigue and headaches.
Lyuba's parents are surprised why their daughter's character has changed. The girl was always affectionate, cheerful, and cheerful. And now, when she is 9 years old, she is hyperexcitable, whiny, fussy, and twitches her shoulders. Lyuba has become gloomy, distrustful, uncommunicative, does not like to talk about herself, and withdraws.
Over the past two years, the situation in the family has changed. The father returns home drunk more and more often. Observing frequent quarrels, Lyuba cannot figure out what is happening between her parents, but she is constantly in a state of nervous tension. She turns first to her father and then to her mother and asks them not to offend each other, she feels sorry for both. The parents love the girl, worry about her, but with their lack of restraint they themselves harm her.
In an unfriendly family, where there are frequent quarrels and discord, where people are rude to each other, the child often displays rudeness and hostility towards others, these character traits are reinforced, and the person becomes difficult to communicate with. At school, the child comes into conflict with teachers, since there is no authority for him.
Children are very susceptible; they easily adopt the form of behavior and attitude towards others that they are accustomed to observing in their loved ones. Therefore, raising a child is, first of all, great demands on yourself.
Childhood fears
Often the first sign of nervousness is fears that arise at an early age. The child is afraid of the dark, scary book characters, afraid to be alone in the room, and fears for his life and health. However, timidity and fear are not always a sign of a painful condition. The child is still learning the world, many things at first seem incomprehensible to him, and therefore scary. With age, as life experience accumulates and new phenomena become familiar, fears usually disappear.
Fears as a manifestation of nervousness can arise under the influence of fears, scary stories, unexpected changes in the situation, and troubles and quarrels in the family. Even a dog, a cat, a loud scream, or the whistle of a steam locomotive can cause fear in a small child, especially if the child has not seen or heard all this before.
And again I want to resort to examples from medical practice.
Gala is 5 years old. For a year now she has been waking up not only at night, but also during daytime sleep, crying, screaming, repeating what she sees horrible dream « about Baba Yaga" These fears appeared in Galya after she heard a fairy tale from a kindergarten teacher. How can we explain this? It turned out that only in kindergarten did Gale start reading books for the first time.
The fear reaction in a small child occurs especially easily during a period when he is weakened by some disease. After an illness, a child is usually capricious and requires increased attention. And adults try to entertain him by any means - they read books, but not always suitable ones, they allow him to watch programs on TV. Parents do not take into account that during this period a minor irritant, some surprise that seems harmless to them, can cause fear in the child.
Four-year-old Nina suffered from a severe form of mumps, ate poorly and was capricious. Her parents tried to do something to cheer her up and calm her down. They reread all the children's books that were in the house, bought a lot of new ones, and turned on the TV in the evenings. The girl loved it, and if the TV was turned off, she started crying. The parents felt sorry for Nina, and they obeyed her demands. After some time, Nina began to wake up in the middle of the night in fear. She trembled, cried, did not let her mother go, shouted that she was afraid of “uncle,” pointed at the TV and repeated: “He’s there, he’s there.”
Severe fear may also healthy child cause fears. This condition sometimes lasts for a long time.
Fears suffered by a child at an early age, if appropriate measures are not taken to eliminate them, can lead to the development of a painful condition, to the formation of negative character traits: children grow up fearful, timid, they get lost in new conditions. At school they are anxious and afraid of giving an oral answer at the blackboard. All free time spend on preparing lessons, strive to memorize the assignment carefully, and are afraid that they will not be able to answer the teacher’s questions. At school, they worry and wait for the teacher to call, and if they are asked, they forget what they have carefully learned. The immediate cause of fear of answering in class may be children's ridicule if they give an unsuccessful answer. But this fear, fear usually arises in children who have previously shown signs of nervousness.
The appearance of a feeling of fear in a child requires a special approach to him from the parents. A child should not be forced to overcome fear. In the first days after a fright, one must exclude all conversations about the subject that frightened him and try to create a calm environment. It is recommended to consult a doctor who will prescribe the necessary medication. In the future, it is very important to gradually introduce the child to the subject that he was afraid of - games, conversations, examples. Try to convince him that there is no reason to be afraid. So, if a child is afraid of any animal, it is useful to stroke this animal in his presence and play with it.
To prevent the emergence of fear and the development of character traits such as timidity, timidity, and indecisiveness, it is necessary to instill activity in the child from an early age. He must do all the work he can, dress himself, and as he gets older, make his own bed, help set the table, and put away the dishes. It is important that the child always has certain responsibilities, the fulfillment of which is necessary for those around him.
You obviously noticed that during my conversation I emphasized that there are deviations in the behavior of a healthy child caused by errors in upbringing, and here it is enough for the parents themselves to analyze and correct their behavior and relationships in the family. You can use popular literature to help you, consult with a school teacher or psychologist. But there are deviations in the child’s behavior that already indicate a painful state of his psyche. Here, most often, qualified assistance from a psychoneurologist or psychotherapist is needed.
We have such specialists, and there is no need to delay a visit to them; there is no need to fear that this will be misinterpreted by neighbors, relatives, and teachers. After all, the most important thing for you is the health of the child.
Natalya GRIGORYEVA, Candidate of Medical Sciences.
A nervous child is an illness or disobedience. What to do if you notice that your child has become nervous.
Nervous child - illness or disobedience
Nervousness in children is associated with deviations in their behavior - increased excitability, tearfulness, sleep disturbance, irritability and impressionability. A nervous child is difficult to communicate with and spoils the mood of those around him, but first of all, inappropriate behavior changes his own life, depriving him of simple childish joys. Long-term studies have proven that the causes of childhood nervousness in most cases begin in early childhood and are a consequence of improper upbringing.
The nervousness and disobedience of young children are so closely intertwined that it is sometimes difficult to figure out who is to blame - the parents or their children. Among the many reasons for disobedience, the main ones can be identified:
1. The child’s desire to attract attention - noticing that much more parental emotions are manifested if he commits any offense, the child suffering from a lack of affection unconsciously uses a proven method.
2. A child limited in independence and tired of numerous prohibitions defends his freedom and opinion using the method of protest disobedience.
3. Children's revenge. There can be many reasons for it - divorce of mom and dad, failure to fulfill promises, unfair punishment, inappropriate behavior of one of the parents.
4. The baby’s own powerlessness, inability to perform any actions accessible to others.
5. Diseases of the nervous system of children, mental disorders.
Despite the fact that only in the last paragraph problems with the nervous system are named as the cause of disobedience, each of them convincingly indicates the close connection of the child’s behavior with his psychological state.
Childhood neuroses - causes and signs
The fragile and unformed nervous system of children is extremely susceptible to neuroses and mental disorders, so the strange behavior of the baby, his whims and hysterics should alert attentive parents and prompt them to immediate action. Constant stress, prohibitions, lack of attention gradually accumulate and develop into a painful condition - neurosis. Doctors use this term to describe a transient mental disorder in children caused by all sorts of stressful situations. Neuroses can be the cause of a child’s inappropriate behavior, or they can be the result of it.
Most often, neuroses develop around the age of five or six, although an attentive mother notices some of its individual signs much earlier. Special attention You should pay attention to the child’s behavior during periods of age-related changes in the psyche - from 2 to 4 years, from 5 to 8 years and in adolescence. The causes of nervous system disorders in children can be considered the following:
Situations that are traumatic to the psyche - alcoholism of parents, divorce, quarrels with peers, adaptation to a child care institution;
Severe fear as a result of any mental influence;
Excessive severity and harshness of parents, lack of attention and lack of affection;
The atmosphere in the family and the relationship between parents;
The birth of a brother or sister, to whom the main attention of mom and dad switches, and bitter childhood jealousy.
In addition to this, there may be external reasons- accident, death or serious illness of loved ones, disaster. The first signs that children's nervous systems are not functioning properly are:
The appearance of fears and anxiety;
Sleep problems - a nervous child has difficulty falling asleep and may wake up in the middle of the night;
Enuresis and gastrointestinal disorders may occur;
Speech disorders - stuttering;
Reluctance and inability to communicate with peers.
If parents note aggressiveness, increased excitability or, conversely, excessive isolation, irritability, and lack of communication skills in the behavior of their little monster, then it is best to discuss the problems that have arisen with a doctor. By letting the development of a possible disease take its course and not taking any measures, parents risk raising a timid, indecisive person who is unable to cope with emerging problems and communicate with others. It is imperative to consult a doctor if the state of the children’s nervous system disrupts the normal rhythm of life. The presence of stuttering, enuresis or nervous tics requires immediate comprehensive treatment from specialists.
Nervous tics in children - causes and symptoms
Doctors characterize a nervous tic as a short-term inappropriate movement of a certain group of muscles, which the baby is simply unable to resist. According to statistics, every fifth child has experienced such manifestations at least once, and approximately 10% of children suffer from a chronic illness. This indicates that a huge number of children from 2 to 18 years old have complexes when communicating with peers, are embarrassed by their obsessive movements, and the existing problem really prevents them from living a full life.
Nervous tics in children can be divided into several main groups:
Motor - lip biting, grimacing, twitching limbs or head, blinking, frowning;
Vocal - coughing, sniffling, hissing, snorting, grunting;
Ritual - scratching or fiddling with the ear, nose, strands of hair, clenching teeth.
According to the degree of severity, nervous tics in children are divided into local, when only one muscle group is involved, and multiple, manifesting simultaneously in several groups. If motor tics are combined with vocal ones, this indicates the presence of a generalized tic called Tourette Syndrome, which is inherited.
It is important to distinguish between primary and secondary nervous tics in children, whose clinical manifestations are similar. If the latter develop against the background of other diseases - encephalitis, brain tumor, traumatic brain injury, congenital diseases nervous system, then the primary causes are:
Poor nutrition - lack of magnesium and calcium;
Emotional shocks - quarrels with parents and their excessive severity, fear, lack of attention;
Loads on the central nervous system in the form of frequent and increased consumption of coffee, tea, energy drinks;
Overfatigue - prolonged sitting in front of the TV, computer, reading in low light;
Heredity - the probability of genetic predisposition is 50%, however, under favorable conditions, the risk of tics is minimal.
Nervous tics do not appear in children during sleep, although their effect is observed in the fact that the child has difficulty falling asleep and his sleep is restless.
Is it possible to cure a nervous tic and when to see a doctor?
Under no circumstances should nervous tics in children be left unattended. A visit to a neurologist is necessary if:
It was not possible to get rid of the unpleasant phenomenon within a month;
The tick causes inconvenience to the baby and interferes with his communication with peers;
There is a strong severity and multiplicity of nervous tics.
Important! The peculiarity of nervous tics in children is that you can get rid of them relatively quickly forever, but you can remain with the problem for life. The main condition for successful treatment is finding out the reasons for the appearance of tics and timely contacting a doctor.
After conducting certain studies and consultations with other specialists, the doctor prescribes the necessary treatment, which is carried out in combination:
Activities aimed at restoring normal activity of the nervous system - individual psychotherapy and psychological correction in group classes;
Traditional medicine.
Parents are required to ensure a calm environment in the family, good nutrition and proper daily routine, sufficient time for the baby to spend time in the fresh air, and exercise. Decoctions of soothing herbs - motherwort, valerian root, hawthorn, chamomile - reduce tic.
The course of the disease is greatly influenced by the age of the child. If nervous tics in children appeared at the age of 6-8 years, the treatment will most likely be successful, and you don’t have to worry about the return of the disease in the future. The age from 3 to 6 years is considered more dangerous; the baby will have to be monitored, even if the unpleasant signs disappear, until he reaches adulthood. But the appearance of nervous tics before the age of three is especially dangerous; they can be the heralds of schizophrenia, brain tumors and other extremely dangerous diseases.
Raising and treating a nervous child
Successfully overcoming disruptions in the functioning of the nervous system of children depends on two main factors - comprehensive medical care and proper upbringing of a nervous child. You should not think that problems will go away with age; without qualified help from specialists, treatment of a nervous child is impossible. If the doctor has diagnosed a neurotic disorder, you will need both drug treatment, as well as classes with a psychologist. There are special types of therapy that help get rid of the baby’s tightness, adjust communication methods, and restore activity and sociability. Parents can be of great help with this.
Mom and dad should carefully analyze the causes of the child’s nervousness and try to eliminate them, create comfortable conditions for your child. In the absence of independence, which your offspring persistently strives for, you should give him more freedom, without focusing on control over his actions. Do you have a catastrophic lack of time to communicate with your baby? Think about what is your priority in life - a career and impeccable cleanliness in the house or psychological health and the selfless love and devotion of a little person.
Raising healthy, mentally balanced children is not only a completely understandable desire of parents, but also their responsibility. Take care of the unformed and vulnerable psyche of the baby so that in the future you will not need treatment for a nervous child from specialists. Moms and dads are quite capable of creating a stable and balanced microclimate in the family, avoiding unnecessary quarrels and unreasonable prohibitions, giving their child maximum attention and tenderness, and raising a self-confident person. Under no circumstances should you frighten the baby, react inadequately to his misdeeds, or limit his freedom excessively. Following these some simple advice Experienced psychologists will serve as a reliable prevention of various neurological disorders in your children.
© 2012-2018 “Women’s Opinion”. When copying materials, a link to the original source is required!
Chief editor of the portal: Ekaterina Danilova
Email:
Editorial phone number:
Child behavior problems at 9 years old
Causes of child aggression at 9 years old
The reasons for aggression can be very different: family conflicts, adult games, frequent TV watching, somatic diseases.
It is imperative to respond to such behavior. You can show rigor and rigidity. This option can calm down a completely uncontrollable schoolchild at the age of 9. But under no circumstances be aggressive or raise your voice. Your confidence in the rightness and calm will play in your favor.
If children's aggression is random and rare, then leniency should be shown. As soon as the baby calms down, find out the reasons with him aggressive behavior and eliminate them.
What to do if your child is often hysterical?
Of course, no parent wants to see children's tantrums. However, they happen even to nine-year-olds. Screams and tears are a signal that the child is tired. Give him a chance to rest.
At this age, you should not overload children with additional clubs and sports sections. It is still important to them nap and daily outdoor games.
If hysterics do not stop from the age of five, it means that the child is already manipulating adults with might and main and does it quite successfully. Reconsider your parenting methods; it will be difficult to change the existing relationship. Do this gradually, but calmly and confidently, so that children's tantrums disappear.
Naughty child at 9 years old: what should parents do?
At the age of 9, schoolchildren face a second age crisis. It is because of this that children's behavior changes, children become disobedient and uncontrollable. What to do with such children? The main thing is to be calm and not get annoyed with children. It’s very difficult for them now. Spend more time with your son or daughter, trust them to independently carry out tasks that are important to them. To improve children's behavior, it is advisable to follow a daily schedule, have family traditions and undisputed rules of life.
How to solve the problem of children's deceptions?
If you understand that your child has begun to deceive you often, you need to think about why he is doing this. Children's deception is a consequence of mental or mental discomfort. The schoolboy does not know what to do and begins to tell not the truth, but fictitious stories. Perhaps this happens due to strict and unfounded punishments, due to a lack of parental affection, or due to praise and encouragement only for significant children's successes. Carefully determine the reason for the deception and prove that you can be trusted in any situation.
Very often, children of this age lie for no reason; they simply pass off their fantasies as reality. In this case, do not rush to punish the student, direct his imagination in the right direction. For example, start writing down children's fairy tales.
How to respond to child theft?
Has your child appropriated someone else's item and you don't know how to react? Remember that this deviation is common in children aged nine. It's connected with adolescence. If you find someone else's item, if possible, return it to the owner. Tell your child that such actions are prohibited and punishable.
Under no circumstances should you threaten your child, punish him corporally, or discuss the situation with strangers. This attitude can depress a student; he will stop trusting you or start stealing to spite you.
Only through conversations good attitude To your child, regardless of his actions, you will be able to explain to him what is good and what is bad.
Nervous child 9 years old what to do
Nervousness in children is a manifestation of the excitability of the nervous system, which is expressed in an aggravated reaction to external minor signals. The term nervousness is used very rarely in medical academic sources. Regardless of the cause of nervousness, parents should show every understanding and support the child in his condition. In children, unlike adults, the nervous system is endowed with increased sensitivity to internal and external factors and often nervousness is the first symptom of a wide variety of diseases.
Causes of nervousness in children
Often, this condition in children is combined with various other symptoms and disorders:
Sleep disturbances (insomnia at night and drowsiness during the daylight hours);
Pain in the heart area;
Attacks of headaches;
Increased suspiciousness and anxiety;
Decrease in educational activity;
Intellectual overload, lack of sleep, irrational leisure (computer addiction in children and adolescents), physical inactivity, unbalanced nutrition - all this common reasons acute nervousness and irritability in healthy children.
Sometimes the cause of nervousness is infectious diseases, which occur in a latent form. In any case, no matter how well adults understand the child’s behavior, consultation with a doctor is mandatory.
The severity of the symptoms depends on the reasons causing nervousness, whether they will be combined or supplemented by various signs of the underlying disease.
Outwardly, nervousness in children is often mistaken for incontinence and mistakenly attributed to promiscuity or bad manners, so the factors influencing the state of the offspring may be the tense atmosphere in the family and parental mistakes in upbringing.
Only a specialist can adequately determine the causes of this condition. To prevent such situations, parents need to adhere to the correct daily routine and healthy image life, respond in a timely manner to the child’s deviations from norms in behavior and the appearance of various fears.
If the child is healthy, and this happens provided proper nutrition, good sleep, getting parental attention, being in a friendly environment, he will always be confident and calm.
Another very important aspect is communication with peers. Communication with children allows you to make up for the lack of communication if the child does not attend kindergarten, which in the future will allow him to successfully adapt to school. Otherwise, difficulties may arise that will be difficult to overcome without the participation of specialists. Difficulties can arise due to double load - school workload, plus adaptation to new conditions.
Signs of increased nervousness in children are observed in many pathological conditions:
Pathologies of the central nervous system (vegetative-vascular dystonia);
If a 2-3 year old child suddenly becomes capricious, then it is necessary to consult a doctor to rule out a serious pathology.
Increased nervousness in healthy 1- and 3-year-old children is a common occurrence during developmental crisis periods.
Crisis periods in children's development have the following common features:
Blurry time frames;
A gradual increase in crisis symptoms, and the same gradual decrease;
Uncontrollability in behavior;
The desire to do everything the other way around;
Stubbornness and despotism;
Nervousness in children of the first years of life is caused by the following crisis periods of development.
1. The appearance of speech in a child is associated with a crisis of one year, which usually occurs acutely. Due to the close connection between physical and mental development, at this stage there are multiple somatic manifestations: disruption of biorhythms (disturbance of wakefulness and sleep, appetite). There is a slight delay in development and loss of some previously acquired skills.
2. The three-year crisis is caused by awareness of one’s own “I” and the initial stage of will formation. This period is particularly acute and is often difficult. External influences, such as moving or a child's adaptation to kindergarten, can aggravate the crisis.
3. The crisis of seven years has a milder course. Crisis symptoms at the age of seven are associated with an awareness of the importance and complexity of social connections, which manifest themselves in the loss of the immediate naivety of early childhood.
4. The teenage crisis is in many ways similar to the crisis of three years. This crisis owes its course to the formation of the social “I”. There are age limits of adolescence for girls (12-14 years), and for boys - this year.
5. The crisis of adolescence depends on and is associated with the end of the formation of value guidelines. The age range for girls is (16-17 years old), for boys (18-19 years old).
Treatment of nervousness in a child
First of all, treatment of nervousness in a child should be aimed at eliminating the cause that caused increased irritability.
Nervousness in a 3-year-old child occurs due to a crisis of growing up. Folk remedies, for example, motherwort, often help to cope with its manifestations. Tinctures and infusions based on motherwort have a calming effect, but before use, you should consult a pediatrician or neurologist about the course of treatment and dosage.
How to treat nervousness in children? Often, nervousness in children is eliminated by establishing a daily routine. If a somatic pathology occurs, it is necessary to conduct a thorough examination, after which specialists will prescribe adequate treatment.
Increased nervousness in a child can be relieved by eliminating strong stimulating factors: it is recommended to refrain for a while from attending events that are too bright and noisy, and to temporarily give up watching TV.
Of course, the child should not suffer from all these restrictions, so parents should plan the child’s leisure time. Instead of the circus, you can visit the zoo, and replace watching TV with reading an interesting book.
Nervousness in young children is relieved by reducing the number of available toys in the children's room. You should leave the designer, sets for role playing games, but it’s better to put away mechanical toys for a while.
Nervousness in children is also eliminated by complex activities: contemplation of running water, water procedures, wiping with a damp towel, taking a shower, swimming in the pool, and in summer in open reservoirs, playing with water, painting with watercolors.
Nervousness in preschool children can be successfully relieved while in kindergarten by coloring water in transparent cups.
Folk remedies for the treatment of nervousness are warm milk with honey and hot tea with mint and raspberries, which promote healthy sleep. Medications to relieve irritability and nervousness, it should be taken after an accurate diagnosis.
Parental patience and love are a powerful tool in the fight against childhood nervousness. More attention should be paid to an irritable child: spend leisure time together, walk in nature, communicate, play role-playing and educational games, collect puzzles, etc.
If the above tips do not help and serious psychological problems are noted, then in this case you should seek help from a psychologist.
My daughter gets very nervous about little things.
No one beats her at home. Younger brother, in contrast to her, is a very calm and kind boy, he is constantly praised for this. My daughter has almost no friends.
It is correct that you wrote to us. Together it is always easier to sort out behavioral problems and find the cause and solution. Your girl's behavior is truly alarming. The reasons for this may also be the onset of puberty, which gives the first “bells” at the age of 7-8; and jealousy, because youngest child there is always more attention and fewer demands, and vice versa for the elder; These are also computer games that cause addiction and irritation when they are not available. I see that you do not live in Russia, not in a Russian-speaking country. How long have you lived there? Does the girl know the language? After all, a computer can be both a reason for not wanting to communicate, and a consequence of problems with peers. Well, the last reason that could be is mental disorders, which can be hereditary, the consequences of trauma and are aggravated by external stimuli - dissatisfaction with the family atmosphere, the same computer games, jealousy. A desire to torture or watch people suffer can also indicate mental disorders.
Well, another reason for this behavior may be serious family problem, leading to changes in the child’s psyche. For example, a quarrel or fight between parents, divorce, change of school, moving. Moreover, 6-7 years is a crisis period for a child who moves from preschool childhood to school, from visual-figurative thinking to logical thinking, from play to learning. During this period, family problems are especially traumatic.
What to do? Firstly, if possible, consult with a psychologist or psychiatrist in real life. It is classes with a psychologist, personally or in a group, that will help the girl. You also need to learn active listening. A book by wonderful authors Adel Faber and Elaine Mazlish “How to talk so that children will listen, and how to listen so that children will talk” will help you with this. Or a book by the Russian author Z.B. Gippenreiter “Communicate with the child. How?" I myself have three children and the eldest girl is 10 years old. She is not keen on computer games, but there are also manifestations of negativism, cruelty and anger out of the blue. The book by Faber and Mazlish has long been my reference book. I re-read it constantly. And indeed, those tips, ways of speaking, listening and acting work 100%.
- Back: I bought a car, and my dad yelled at me.
- Next: Mom against my boyfriend.
