"All happy families each look alike unhappy family unhappy in her own way" - a piercing and unusually wise sentence with which Leo Tolstoy's novel "Anna Karenina" begins. The life story of many people is a story of love, betrayal, loyalty, forgiveness, hatred, deceit, intransigence and unbearable loneliness.
Many great actresses experienced the depth of the tragic image of Anna, playing her in the film of the same name.
1935 - Greta Garbo.
“If there are so many heads, so many minds, then there are so many hearts, so many kinds of love.”
“Suppose you are married, you love your wife, but you are carried away by another woman...
- Sorry, but I absolutely don’t understand this, like…. I still don’t understand how I could now, having eaten my fill, immediately walk past the kalachnaya and steal the kalach.”
“The engine of all our actions is, after all, personal happiness.”
“Respect was invented in order to hide the empty place where love should be.”
1948 - Vivien Leigh. 
“You see, you can look at the same thing tragically and make it a torment, and you can look at it simply and even fun.”
"In order to do something about family life, either complete discord between spouses or loving consent is necessary. When the relationship between the spouses is uncertain and there is neither one nor the other, no business can be undertaken."
“My love is becoming more and more passionate and selfish, but his is fading away and extinguishing, and that’s why we are falling apart, and this cannot be helped. I have everything in him alone, and I demand that he give himself more and more to me. And he still He wants to leave me more and more. We were meeting halfway until we connected, and then we uncontrollably drift apart. different sides. And this cannot be changed. He tells me that I am senselessly jealous, and I told myself that I am senselessly jealous; but this is not true. I'm not jealous, but I'm unhappy..."
“How much of what seemed beautiful and inaccessible to me then has become insignificant, and what was then is now forever inaccessible.”
1967 - Tatyana Samoilova
"He knew very well that in the eyes of these persons.........the role of the person who pestered married woman and at all costs laid down his life to involve her in adultery, that this role has something beautiful, majestic and can never be funny..."
“Our Russian indifference is not to feel the duties that our rights impose on us, and therefore to deny these duties.”
“If good has a cause, it is no longer good; if it has a consequence - a reward, it is also not good. Therefore, good is outside the chain of causes and effects.”
“Our whole world is a tiny mold that has grown on a tiny planet.”
“If he, not loving me, is kind and gentle to me out of duty, but he doesn’t get what I want - yes, this is even a thousand times worse than anger! This is hell!”
2000 - Sophie Marceau
“Pretense in anything can deceive the most intelligent, insightful person: but the most limited child, no matter how skillfully it is hidden, recognizes it and is disgusted.”
“Most of the young women who envied Anna, who had long been bored with being called fair, rejoiced at what they assumed and only waited for confirmation of the turnover public opinion to fall upon her with the full weight of his contempt. They were already preparing the lumps of dirt that they would throw at her when the time came."
“She was not at all the same as he had seen her at first. Both morally and physically she had changed for the worse....... He looked at her as a man looks at a flower he has picked and withered, which he can hardly recognize the beauty for which he plucked and destroyed him."
“The memory of the evil done to her husband aroused in her a feeling similar to disgust and similar to what a drowning person would experience, tearing away the person who was clinging to him. This man drowned. Of course, it was bad, but it was the only salvation, and it’s better not to remember these terrible details.”
A child can grow up to be a prosperous, self-confident person, capable of building constructive relationships with others, only in a healthy harmonious family. Remember the saying of the bearded classic that all happy families are happy the same way, and all unhappy families are unhappy in different ways?
Psychologists also wondered how different families are unhappy, and came to the following classification of disharmonious (unhappy) families:
1. There is no partnership between parents, one of them is always in charge, the other is only subordinate.
2. There is no emotional attachment between family members, everyone lives on their own, family members do not agree in solving life problems.
3. A disintegrating family - very conflictual, with constant talk about divorce.
4. Family of a tyrant - one family member in a very harsh manner tells others what they should and should not do; all the efforts of the other family members are aimed at pleasing him and not angering him; there is no bilateral emotional warmth in the family; everyone strives to protect their own inner world from the invasion of a tyrant.
5. Families where one of the members suffers from alcohol or drug addiction. Members of such families feel discomfort: they do not want to return home, the family is uncomfortable, they need to hide their thoughts and feelings all the time, mutual irritation and displeasure reigns in the house.
As a rule, in such families, adults solve their emotional problems at the expense of the child.
First of all, he does not receive enough warmth, which is so necessary for children for normal development, he feels rejected, a burden for his parents, who already have a lot of troubles.
No matter what happens in the family, children always feel responsible for what is happening (they blame themselves for what is happening), and in order to somehow get rid of the feeling of guilt, the child tries to take on the emotional problems of the parents. The result is a monstrous situation: a child who does not receive the attention and warmth he needs, also takes care of his parents. It is not surprising that such children very quickly become neurotic, suffer from various developmental delays, do not know how to build relationships with peers: they either show excessive aggressiveness, or, conversely, do not know how to stand up for themselves; At school, as a rule, they study much worse than their capabilities.
Do not rush to get a divorce, because if you do not solve your problems with this partner, you will have to solve the same problems with another. But if you are not getting a divorce, then do not hesitate to resolve your life situation: the sooner you start working with it, the greater your chances of success. Do not forget that a child grows in a family and he has the right to a happy childhood.
But keeping an unsuccessful marriage unchanged because of children, as many do, is not worth it.
Divorce affects a child in the same way as parental quarrels and an atmosphere of tension in the family - very negatively.
But the longer family dysfunction lasts, the stronger its negative impact on the child, and boys suffer more than girls. Studies have shown that the aggressiveness of boys in families with frequent conflicts is higher than that of their peers from broken families, whose behavior returns to normal by the end of the second year after their parents’ divorce. If it is possible to create a creative, optimistic atmosphere in the new single-parent family, then we can consider that the divorce was a success and it will certainly open up new horizons happy life
for both parent and child.
It is impossible to refute the statement of the great classic about similar happy families and unhappy married couples in their own way. Deep philosophical discussions on this topic literally permeate L. N. Tolstoy’s novel “War and Peace.” The heroes of the novel appear before the reader not on their own, but as members of this or that family, in which they experience warmth and comfort or, on the contrary, confusion, anxiety and dissatisfaction with their own fate.
The unhappy marriage of the Bolkonsky couple leaves its mark on Andrei's gloomy character and makes his wife, little princess Lisa, unhappy. The uncomplaining, always amiable Lisa, it would seem, deserved to be loved and could have been quite happy in her marriage, but despite everything, her husband did not love her. He was burdened by her, just as he despised the entire high society. His quickly bored wife does not cause even a shadow of regret in Andrei, even when he is pregnant. He leaves her and goes to war. Subsequently, the young prince reproaches himself, believing that he is guilty of Lisa’s death, but he pities her only as a decent person, and not as a loving husband.
Pierre, blinded by beauty, became seriously interested in Helen. She simply took advantage of Pierre’s noble title in order to shine in society as an already titled countess, and after breaking up with her husband, she cynically takes away most of his fortune. A depraved, limited woman could not become a worthy match for the smart, intelligent Pierre. Therefore, this marriage turned out to be unhappy and soon broke up.
The Rostov family appears completely different and happy to the readers. Mutual understanding, trust and love reign here. Even after Petya’s tragic death, all family members try to support each other and experience grief together in order to move on.
Natasha and Pierre, Nikolai and Masha have a happy union. Each of them came to their family happiness in their own way, overcoming difficulties and doubts. But each of them equally values and protects their other half in their marriage. In these families, husbands and wives treat each other with love and mutual respect. Natasha and Maria are wonderful mothers. Each of them looks after her home and supports her husband in every possible way. Pierre and Nikolai, in turn, care about the well-being of their families. All happy families are similar to each other in the fertile atmosphere in which the spouses live and their children grow up. This once again confirms the words of L.N. Tolstoy that all happy families are alike, and each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.
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Updated: 2016-10-22
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The classic was right when he wrote about the characteristics of happy families. “All happy families are happy the same; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”
A happy family is daily work, and above all on yourself. But this does not mean that it is an obligation or duty. Remember the moment when you first met, did you associate caring for your loved one with responsibility?
1 husband is the head of the family. If you want to be behind your husband like behind a stone wall, give him this opportunity!
2 Stop competing and act as one. A man and a woman are not competitors, they complement each other! Rejoice at each other's successes sincerely.
3 Say goodbye, talk, don’t hold grudges! Try to never go to bed without talking through the situation. Not everything looks like it really is! People can't read each other's minds. If something is bothering you in a relationship, if the moment has come when you are in dire need of attention, do not expect the man to guess about it, to see it in your eyes. Just talk about it!
4 Give nice tactile sensations. Kisses, hugs, touches! These seemingly innocent caresses bring us closer together!
5 Ask for help. There's no shame in this. Allow yourself to be weak and the man to feel strong. However, don’t forget to come to the rescue yourself!
6 Find time for yourself. A multifaceted and versatile woman is always more attractive to her partner. Help develop your husband's talents, be his muse!
7 If you just recently had a baby or are preparing for the birth of one, be prepared for the fact that contact between a man and a child is not always established from the first days. The most critical female mistake in this situation: she will completely dissolve in the child, pushing her husband into the background.
8 If you are sick, do not be ashamed of being weak.
9Have a heart-to-heart talk and just about everything in the world. Try to gather as a family around the table and just chat!
10 Sex. Sex plays a very important role in the life of a family, especially in the first years of life. Ideally, spouses should have suitable temperaments. But don’t forget that you can’t build happiness on sex alone!
11 Have a family vacation together. In my opinion, experiencing positive emotions together really brings the family together!
12 Money. Views on their distribution and spending should coincide. Agreement in financial matters plays a very important role in the family.
13a tangible expression of love. Give each other gifts, flowers, etc. with or without a reason.
14 Patience. Will be tolerant of the demands and shortcomings of the spouse. None of us are perfect...
15 Emotional support. Support each other not only in good and negative periods in your life!
16 Admire each other! But do it only sincerely.
17 Show tenderness and care. Always remember that you are not the only one who needs attention.
18 Don't skimp on verbal signs attention! (such as “Sunshine”, “Kitty”, or even more directly “My Love...”) Give each other sincere compliments!
19 Create family traditions. This is very unifying.
20 exchange vows of fidelity and love.
21 do not forget that you love each other. Even when you're angry at each other.
22 Consult one another. Often, out of two solutions, a third (common) one emerges, which will not only triple everyone, but will also be wiser
23 Trust each other. Trust is something that cannot be bought, value it.
24 Do not discuss the actions of your doormat in front of strangers, even if it is your mother. Try to make comments in private.
25Respect each other.
26 Put yourself in your spouse's shoes. Maybe then you will understand the causes and consequences of actions.
PS: I wrote mainly for myself, I don’t claim to be the final authority. If it helps someone, I will be very glad! I will also be glad for additions! I'm not at all perfect wife but I strive for this.
Tension, disappointment, joy - this is what accompanies the connoisseur of fiction on the pages of L. N. Tolstoy's novel "Anna Karenina". If we talk about heroes, then their number lags far behind the number of characters in war and peace. The size of the work and the main idea have an impact. But how accurately, down to the smallest detail, the characters, life and customs are described. For example, Stiva is a funny man, whose sadness and sorrow I did not feel in any of the dialogues, in any situation, even when he was on the verge of breaking up with his wife, everything is imaginary and short-lived, the same false sorrow and generosity is present, when Anna gives up the ghost. The character constantly indulges in entertaining evenings and meeting new women along his life path. He is with Dolly because it is so convenient, familiar, comfortable. Absolutely indifferent to the fact that love has outlived its usefulness, and there can’t even be any talk about fatherhood. Was she there?
In the hunting episode, Oblonsky revealed himself to me in full, from the most obscene side for married man. Based on this conversation, Levin learns not the best lesson for himself; the thought comes to him that he has really “gone crazy.” “The main thing is to keep the shrine at home,” says Stiva to Levin, who has been walking towards his happiness for so long and for whom this seems inappropriate, pretentious, and criminal. These are two opposites that, due to their ideological views, will never attract each other. Oblonsky takes maximum pleasures from life, he is a hedonist, his motto is reminiscent of Varvara’s credo from Ostrovsky’s drama: “do what you want, as long as everything is sewn and covered.” He does not limit himself in his preferences, but he is dry and arrogantly voluptuous in the family circle, adapts, grows and resembles a chameleon with mimicry. Having met such a person in reality, you want to pass by, but at the same time there will always be an abyss of passions and crowds around him.
What about Levin? And he is a family man, content with little - blood kinship and mother earth. This is a kind of hero-activist, but not a public one, since notes of melancholy are read in him, which prevents him from settling down. He makes himself a Man, thinks, reflects and feels, feels... During childbirth, Levin worries about Kitty and, being an unbeliever, turns to God. Apart from “disgusting”, it seemed that the father was no longer able to feel anything for his child, but he tried in vain. This is the state of a deeply experiencing character, and most importantly, living it down to the smallest detail. His salvation is in his thoughts and work, he is active and confirms this with his actions. Shyness and lack of knowledge in science and light prevent him from adapting; this is another difference from Stiva.
In the novel there is another male and no less interesting character- Vronsky. This is a coquette hero who is a collector of women who have seduced him. He has a passion for the excitement he gets from seeing a new victim appear on the horizon. It is not difficult to discern the negligence and frivolity of intentions towards Kitty, who is so in love with his prim military figure. Seeing Anna at the ball, he immediately becomes interested in her, despite the fact that she is married and has a child. Moreover, the hero pursues a woman and goes after her to St. Petersburg. They meet at all the evenings, and their acquaintance becomes more and more amorous in nature. If in Karenina’s place there had been another mature and accomplished, charming woman, Alexey would have been carried away by her too. This is just a matter of chance, a great fatality, inevitability. But now we’re not talking about that, but rather about the results of this novel that pretty much shook the heroes.
What about Anna? This is a mystery woman, but at the same time she is an open book, because a lot can be read on her face (the horse racing scene). She always mentally follows the path of least resistance, reaping the fruits of her ambivalence. The heroine, after her fall is revealed, is given all the roads and everything her wandering soul desires. But because of her attachment to her son, the woman is tormented by doubts and pangs of conscience. Until recently, a radiant and charming figure maneuvered in the circle of social receptions, and now she experienced the bitterness of defeat in the eyes of her husband and his sudden generosity, agony, delirium, birth and rebirth. Agree, it’s a heavy burden for fragile women’s shoulders. And Anna ran: from herself, her husband, her son, even from Betsy and the light standing behind her. Abroad, the heroine becomes interested in art, and the pain becomes distant, transcendental. The stage of remission that Karenina is in blinds and captivates her so much that she “rarely remembers her son.” Has the maternal instinct been lost? No, he sits deep inside and asks to be free. After meeting Vronsky, love for his son faded into the background. She left, but did not disappear. The situation is different with the newborn Ani, who did not even bother to give a name. There was a whiff of snobbery, philistinism, bias and even hatred. If Levin is trying to experience something paternally warm for his son, then Karenina behaves as if he is not a living creature, but a prop, even though she has “tied her to herself.” This is one of the methods of sublimation, nothing more. Upon arrival in Moscow, relations with Vronsky suffer negative side. Anna always acts in opposition, arranging a conglomerate of scenes of jealousy and passionate love. The dialectics of Tolstov’s soul brings the reader closer to the heroine, makes him feel pain and go wild. Karenina is changing again, she feels stuffy alone, and her daughter is so similar to Vronsky that it becomes unbearable. For the first time, after a happy pastime, Alexei thought that he would give her everything, but not his male independence (the scene of leaving for the elections). When Anna, in defiance of her lover, went to the theater, where gossip, chaos and laughter behind her reigned, then she almost leveled good attitude to yourself. It was ridiculous, stupid and disgusting. Vronsky went after her, steadfastness was read in her face, but inside the heroine suffered. Then for the first time he felt almost a feeling of anger towards Karenina; she herself punished herself for her disobedience and craving for thrills. And with her death - useless and not fully understood by herself, she trampled the soul of a permanent flirt who reproached himself. But what is his mistake? The fact that he did not pay due attention and delayed the time of leaving for the village?
