All couples who get married dream of creating strong family, in which love, harmony and unity will reign. But in practice, not everyone succeeds. In this article you will find practical advice How to make your marriage strong and harmonious.
Priorities
If you want your marriage to be happy, get your priorities right. This means that the needs of the family come before anything else. Work, property, friends, other relatives and even yourself - all this should remain in second place. One psychologist says that his lectures are attended by people who think more about their career than about their family. They want quick solution family problems, so as not to return to this problem again, and start a career again.
Take some time to reflect on how you could change your priorities in favor of your family? Think about what things take up your time that could be spent with your family? Discuss this with family members and take action.
Be faithful to your life partner
Don't even think about divorce. When problems arise, solve them rather than using an excuse to run away. Such mutual devotion will instill confidence, and everyone will know that no matter what, they will not be abandoned.
This is important because fidelity is such a core of the relationship between a man and a woman. There are times in life when it seems that because of the oath of fidelity, the spouses seem to have fallen into a trap. And the promise “until death do us part” turns into one of the clauses of a business agreement that you want to bypass. Legally, the marriage may not break up, but instead of solving problems, the spouses remain silent and hardly communicate.
To strengthen loyalty, it is enough to do small things. Write your spouse a postcard with kind words, send an SMS message, place its photo on your desktop.
Elbow feeling
When you get married, forget words like “I”, “mine”, “I have”. And use “we”, “our”, “we have”. Spouses should feel that after marriage, you have become one flesh. If you don't feel like you're part of the same team, then even a small difficulty can turn you into enemies. When a problem occurs, solve it together, instead of reproaching and blaming each other.
Respect each other
Disagreements cannot be avoided even in happy marriage. But if you respect each other when solving problems, you will not insult each other. Try to say “I feel” instead of “you always”.
Equilibrium
Be level-headed about each other's mistakes. Don’t find fault with each other over trifles, but don’t condone it either (this especially applies to children). Don't expect perfection from each other. Constant nagging will not strengthen your marriage.
Know how to forgive
You shouldn’t keep “notes in your head” about each other’s mistakes. If you have forgiven, there is no need to constantly remind you of it. For example, the phrases “you always dig” or “you never listen” can cause pain to a person.
Forgiveness is important, because resentment will accumulate, layer on itself, and spouses can hide in an emotional corner, each in their own. And you won't be able to feel each other's pain. Such a marriage without love is unlikely to suit you.
In such a situation, try looking through old photographs together. Remember your first feelings when you first started dating. Remember why you fell in love with your partner.
All of these tips are good in practice. Try them and you will immediately see a change in better side.
"All happy families similar to each other, each unlucky family unhappy By-to his own
An ordinary Moscow family, everyday quarrels. Each family member has their own problems.
A little about each hero.
A lover of sitting with friends, spending an evening, or maybe even a night, in an unknown place, you see a problematic wife, son and family as a whole, which took away 20 years from him, which he could have spent completely differently. In general, she is an exemplary version of the head of the family for others, but in reality she is a princess with a lot of “problems”.
A difficult case...You know those people who say quietly but very terrible things, so this is a good example. Plus, frequent mood changes. Unreasonable aggression about my daughter, I completely forgot about my son, my mother is ready to send her to a nursing home, it’s in the way, but what about her husband, that’s probably why there’s a problem...
Wife's mother.
Having lived to the age of 86, she became of no use to anyone except her grandson, in whom he dotes, just as he doted on her. I dropped a couple of phrases throughout the film. Despite her senility, she seemed like the most adequate and sane character.
She is eccentric, dreaming of losing weight, and has a hard time enduring attacks from her mother, so she is more drawn to her father. An ordinary nondescript high school girl who likes a “cool” guy from the same “cool” company.
In terms of adequacy, it is in second place. If not transitional age, I think there would be nothing to dig into. Holds the defense as best he can, a little forgotten by his parents, is almost never at home, huddles as best he can, either with a friend’s family or in other people’s doorways.
This is such a rich arsenal that the film has assembled.
And it seems that everything has begun to improve in the family, but a misfortune occurs that again scatters everyone in all directions.
After watching it I couldn’t do anything, I was so impressed. I left for several days. In general, I love films of this kind, psychological, depressing, with meaning, hidden problem not for show.
All happy families are similar to each other, every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way
The first phrase (part 1, chapter 1) of the novel “Anna Karenina” (1875) by L. N. Tolstoy (1828-1910).
Quoted: As advice, consider the specific reason family troubles. Sometimes it serves as a form of consolation in difficult circumstances: “everyone has their own problems,” “to each their own,” “it’s not easy for everyone,” etc.
Encyclopedic Dictionary of winged words and expressions. - M.: “Locked-Press”. Vadim Serov. 2003.
See what “All happy families are alike, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way” in other dictionaries:
Happiness is when you have a big, friendly, caring, loving family in another city. George Berne A family is a group of people who are united by blood and quarreled by money issues. Etienne Rey It is difficult to feed your family and your... ...
This term has other meanings, see Anna Karenina (meanings). Anna Karenina ... Wikipedia
Tolstoy L.N. Tolstoy Lev Nikolaevich (1828 1910) Russian writer Aphorisms, quotes by Tolstoy L.N. biography All thoughts that have huge consequences are always simple. Our good qualities harm us more in life than bad ones. Human… … Consolidated encyclopedia of aphorisms
Describes situations where the success of any project, idea or business is possible only with the simultaneous presence of a number of factors and, therefore, the absence of at least one of these factors dooms the entire enterprise to failure. The principle was... ... Wikipedia
- (1828 1910) writer ... the laws of the birth of language live and always operate in popular speech. ...there is no greatness where there is no simplicity, goodness and truth. ...the most powerful suggestion of goodness is an example of a good life. Most men demand from their wives... Consolidated encyclopedia of aphorisms
ANNA KARENINA- Roman L.N. Tolstoy*. Over the novel “Anna Karenina” by L.N. Tolstoy worked for 5 years from 1873 to 1877. The novel was first published in 1877. The events of the novel develop in the 70s. XIX century after the abolition of serfdom and the subsequent reforms... ... Linguistic and regional dictionary
Anna Karenina principle- The Anna Karenina principle was popularized by Jared Diamond in his book Guns, Germs and Steel to describe an endeavor in which a deficiency in any one of a number of factors dooms it to failure. Consequently, a successful endeavor (subject to... ... Wikipedia
Alter schützt vor Torheit nicht- Geflügelte Worte A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O … Deutsch Wikipedia
Liste geflügelter Worte/A- Geflügelte Worte A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W Y Z Inhaltsverzeichnis … Deutsch Wikipedia
A detailed narrative that tends to give the impression of being about real people and events that are not. No matter how long it may be, the novel always offers the reader a comprehensive... ... Collier's Encyclopedia
Books
- Anna Karenina. In 8 parts. Part 1-4 (audiobook MP3 on 2 CDs), L. N. Tolstoy. “Everything is mixed up in the Oblonskys’ house.” L. N. Tolstoy "Anna Karenina" (1877) - Leo Tolstoy's immortal work about human passions, one of greatest stories love in world literature... audiobook
- Anna Karenina. In 8 parts. Part 5-8 (audiobook MP3 on 2 CDs), L. N. Tolstoy. “Everything is mixed up in the Oblonskys’ house.” L. N. Tolstoy “Anna Karenina” (1877) is Leo Tolstoy’s immortal work about human passions, one of the greatest love stories in world literature.…
Everyone knows Tolstoy’s famous phrase with which his novel Anna Karenina begins. This phrase says that “all happy families are alike, every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” This expression has already become an aphorism. Some, of course, might argue that happy families are also different from each other. Certainly. But still, the factors that determine human happiness can be divided into fewer categories: good health for yourself and your loved ones, love and mutual understanding, well-being, financial stability, luck, luck, Good friends and so on. This is the main thing. Happiness is more global and general concept. Whereas very specific and even small things can make a person unhappy, for each their own. Therefore, unhappy families are more different from each other - each family has its own conflicts, troubles, causes of quarrels, characters, and so on, in other words, its own small nuances. Let's try to understand some of the main sources and causes of problems, quarrels and troubles in families, so that we can, starting from this, change something in family relationships for the better. The topic of our article today is “Every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”
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Photo gallery: Every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way
Almost 80% of marriages end up breaking up. This is a terrible statistic. In our country, the situation is worsened by the fact that people very rarely turn to family psychologist, but in vain. This is practiced more often abroad, but our people are not yet used to it; they are embarrassed to share their problems with a stranger, especially men. Most often, if someone turns to a family consultant for help, it is women. There is no need to be afraid of this; a good professional will help you cope with your difficulties.
So why does marriage so often become the death of love over time? And how to deal with this? Often living with the same person for a long time, especially if this is aggravated by quarrels and problems, makes the relationship more insipid, dreary, creates boredom in the relationship in general and in sexual relations including. A great many articles and books have been written on how to diversify your sex life if you and your partner are already fed up and cold towards each other. But the authors forget the fact that it is necessary to fight not with the symptom - insipid sex, but with the disease itself and its cause - the problems of marriage and human relationships, quarrels, conflicts, misunderstandings that have undermined the marriage for many years.
Marriage should not go with the flow, a good marriage should be built step by step with effort. All people are imperfect, and that's okay. But the worse thing is that the majority do not like to strain and somehow work on themselves, to improve themselves externally and internally. When people get married, they think that now they can relax in every sense. But you can’t relax, you need to work on relationships and learn to live in peace with your soulmate.
Marriage will be difficult if the “wrong” person was initially chosen. Why can a person make a mistake in choosing? He may not understand what he needs, he may be blinded by love, and so on. But the main mistake is to choose a partner following an impulse, without bothering to get to know the person thoroughly. For example, a man lost his mother as a child, and therefore subconsciously looked for a wife similar to her. And he found it - an adult, plump woman with mediocre human qualities and a low level of intelligence, as it later turned out. All this, of course, could not lead to anything good. Or, for example, a man wanted a woman with a bunch of admirers to be his and only his. Another example is when a woman marries a man who will fulfill all her desires and provide high level life. And then she stops being happy about it. Or, for example, Strong woman subconsciously chooses a weak man as a husband, even feminine man, but at the same time unconsciously wants a strong male to be nearby. Torn between two desires, she may gradually begin to despise her husband for his weakness. And there are a lot of such examples when people initially find the “wrong” person.
So, you need to get married when you already know the person well, when you love him deeply. If you know your chosen one well, then it is less likely that some surprises will emerge, unexpected human qualities that are unacceptable to you. And if something insignificant comes up, it will be easier to close your eyes and forgive, because strong love forgives a lot. If you are both intolerant, find fault with little things, and cannot forgive some of each other’s imperfections, then perhaps your feelings are not so strong. Thus, I repeat, when getting married, you need to know the person well and love him very much.
In family relationships, you should behave wisely. For example, in everyday life you should not command and push around; in minor controversial situations you should speak not in an orderly tone, but as calmly as possible, express your dissatisfaction not by shouting, but by words, so that you are heard and understood. Try to give in to each other, spare each other’s feelings, and not lose common sense. Often conflicts arise from a trifle, and most often both are to blame. Insults, mutual reproaches, word for word, the quarrel grows like a snowball, grievances accumulate in the soul. Often couples later cannot even remember where exactly it all started. As they say, we started for health and ended for peace. If a couple quarrels all the time, then hostility and alienation gradually increases, which can ultimately destroy the marriage.
You shouldn’t try to remake each other to fit an imaginary ideal; breaking character is useless. Every person wants to be loved for who they are. And if he doesn’t get this in the family, then he may want to look for it somewhere else. And if he is so bad, then why are you with him? It is better to remember that you loved your partner for who he is, with his strengths and weaknesses, and also remember that you are not perfect either. It’s better to let everyone engage in their own self-improvement - and everyone feels good, and no one quarrels.
It is also necessary to pay attention to each other, show concern, do various pleasant things to each other, talk pleasant words, hug, kiss and so on. But it happens that both expect attention from each other, but do nothing in return. For balance, both need to both receive and give.
Every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way, and these words are perfectly proven by the following example. Another stumbling block in the family is finances. Money often becomes the cause of quarrels in families where there is a struggle for power. In such families, money is a sign of power, which means whoever has money has power, and whoever earns more is in charge. This struggle can last forever and bring disharmony into relationships. Spouses need to come to an agreement with each other. For example, if one of them earns money, then the second takes over the others family responsibilities so that no one is offended. And most importantly, we need to respect each other and not make money a measure of power. Even if you earn 10 times more than your other half, you need to respect him or her as a worthy person, as a beloved life partner, because he or she probably also makes some contribution to the family.
Different approaches to raising children can also cause quarrels. The main rule here is to discuss issues of education and try to come to a common opinion or compromise.
Another one possible problem- sex. If you have some problems in your sex life, don't be afraid to discuss them with your partner. Know how to talk about your desires, fantasies, impressions. Develop trusting relationship together. Often problems in sex arise due to inability to communicate. Try to make changes to your sex life, add novelty, and maintain interest in each other.
“Every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way” - these words have long become a kind of bitter aphorism. If problems persist, contact a professional. Try to understand each other, meet each other halfway and love!
The most important social institution and the basic unit of society is the family - a community of people based on a single family activity, marital ties and consanguinity.
Of course, each of us has our own ideas about ideal families. L. Tolstoy also has his own position. his statement “all happy families are alike, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way” means: we can easily name the signs of a happy family, because they are universal (in a good family there is harmony, mutual understanding, children are educated and respect their elders, etc. .d.), but at the same time it is impossible to identify the reasons for the unhappiness of all unhappy families, since the causes of unhappiness are always different.
I cannot but agree with the opinion of L. Tolstoy. To argue my point of view, I would like to name the main functions of the family: 1) social and status, 2) leisure, 3) reproductive, 4) upbringing and socialization of children, 5) economic and economic, 6) emotional. In a happy family, all these functions are performed: children are born (reproductive), who receive a good upbringing from their parents (social and parenting), and they all spend weekends together, celebrate holidays (leisure), rejoice at successes and empathize with the failures of loved ones at the same time spouses and children do not forget to help each other with housework. In such a family, both children and parents are undoubtedly happy.
But let's imagine unhappy families. In one, for example, the wife does all the housework, and the husband does not help her. The economic function of the family is not fulfilled by one of the spouses, and consequently, discontent grows and conflicts arise. The family may fall apart. In the other, the emotional and psychological function of the family is not realized. How often can you hear that there is no mutual understanding in the family (a common situation: the father comes home late from work and hardly sees his children, does not know how they are doing, etc. Or the wife does not support her husband in a difficult situation) And how many films and programs dedicated to difficult teenagers, which even their parents cannot cope with! These are families where the function of raising and socializing children is not fulfilled. And finally, there are families where not only one, but also two, three or more functions are not performed! For example, these are families of alcoholics, which any local police officer can tell you about and of which, unfortunately, there are quite a lot now.
So, reflecting on this urgent problem, I come to the conclusion: in happy families all the functions of the family are realized, which is why they are similar, but in unhappy families different functions are not performed, therefore “every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”
