Are arranged marriages common?
Marriage of convenience is not at all uncommon. But the main thing is not to make a mistake when counting. Although in almost every union there is some kind of calculation, but it is present. According to statistics, a little more than fifty percent of marriages are made for love, the rest - for fear of loneliness, because the age and time to create a family has come, out of a desire to have a stable old age, or for selfish reasons.
Perhaps the leading slogan is to blame for this, he is also a vital attitude recent decades- Earn, get rich and then spend as much as possible? It is clear that even if you yourself cannot earn money, there will always be a person who knows how to do it. But after all, marriages of convenience have always existed, even in times very distant from us: when two very noble families decided to unite for reasons of “good for the cause”, they married their children on mutually beneficial terms.
So what is an arranged marriage? Is it compatible with love or not?
Such a marriage is best defined as an alliance of two people, at least one of whom pursues some kind of material interest and puts it in the place of sincere feelings. But what is the basis of such a marriage? Yes, all on the same painstaking search for the ideal, only the requirements for the ideal are defined very clearly. For a significant part of women, the ideal of a real man is directly associated with his ability to earn big money (and, therefore, to provide, support a family, creating her comfortable conditions). While another part of women expects to marry a faithful, kind, constant person in their affections, a third - for a handsome and tall one, finally, the fourth, the most naive part, is looking for some kind of prince from a fairy tale, who embodies all possible male virtues . It is easy to see that there is calculation in all these expectations.
In fact, there is nothing reprehensible in marriage with a reliable and wealthy person, since the social success of a man most often means that he has realized himself, he can be respected for this. Social "failure" almost always testifies to the opposite, unless, of course, this man is a "free artist" from among the geniuses not recognized by society. However, a handsome prince may well leave you, go bankrupt, or even die altogether. Whatever of the above happens, it will be a heavy blow for that woman who has neither education nor specialty, and knows nothing but how to run a household and raise children, completely trusting the material care of a wealthy spouse.
And what do all-knowing psychologists and “philosophers of life” think about this? The former argue that most marriages of convenience are strong, because they are not built on sand, but on a very tangible foundation; the latter recognize them as even stronger unions than love marriages, because, unlike the latter, they serve the benefit of individuals (husband and wife), and not the clan. There is one positive side to a marriage of convenience - they marry with open eyes, no one builds illusions, therefore, fewer disappointments. The only requirement for this marriage is mutual respect, then later love can come, even stronger and more reliable than those who marry in a fit of passion.
My opinion is that it is in a marriage of convenience that it would be quite nice to draw up a marriage contract, where everything will be spelled out. Few things happen in life.
About 10-15 years ago, according to statistics, only 5% of Russians entered into marriages of convenience, and in the 21st century more than half of young women do not get married without first assessing the size of their future spouse's wallet. However, men themselves are not averse to entering into this kind of "unequal marriage." Sufficiently successful middle-aged women readily become spouses of young handsome and helpful men (and it is not even known which side benefits more here). They naturally arouse the envy of their peers: a well-built, handsome young man next to him is an excellent escort for holidays and business events, and you won’t get bored in bed with him. He also receives everything that can only be purchased for a sum of money that is within the financial capabilities of an age-old spouse and the size of her generosity.
A very attractive young lady "exchanges" her freshness and beauty for banknotes of great denomination, the enviable status of the wife of a wealthy person and all the benefits that accompany this status. But after all, her husband in this "unequal" marriage does not remain for nothing: a young beautiful wife will certainly raise the self-esteem of such a man, an alliance with her is flattering for him and his pride.
There are many other reasons to enter into a marriage of convenience: the desire to gain fame or a higher social status, many dream of marrying a foreigner. Often the financial well-being of the future spouse, although important, is still not paramount; in a "prudent" marriage, women want to find emotional stability and psychological comfort.
Let's look at the statistics again. At the end of the last century, a very interesting survey was conducted among married couples with considerable experience. Half of the Muscovites surveyed and 46% of St. Petersburg residents confirmed that for them the main reason for getting married was real love. Over the past years, the opinion about what exactly holds marriage together most reliably, however, has changed markedly. And today, to the burning question: “What factor ensures happiness in marriage?” - only a sixth of the men and a fourth of the women answered: "Love." Others left the primacy in this matter for more mundane "substances". To the question: “What does it mean to live well?” almost no one answered: “Love each other”, preference was given to such categories as a decent job (about 34% of men), material wealth (about 31% of men), 30% of women put family well-being in the first place.
So, an arranged marriage. What are its pros and cons?
Obvious advantages of marriage of convenience
Partners cannot be blinded by feelings, which means that they tend to objectively evaluate their chosen one, weighing all the pros and cons. A marriage of convenience is, first of all, a bargain, and usually both parties perfectly understand what is being "bought" and what is being "sold" here.
♦ Both spouses understand what they are doing, they do it quite consciously and, therefore, they do not create unnecessary illusions for themselves, which over time could collapse, as, unfortunately, often happens in a love marriage.
♦ Spouses rarely demand from each other indispensable “fidelity to the grave”, they do not expect constant manifestation of tender feelings and reverent attention.
♦ With mutual observance of the terms of the contract (even if unwritten) there can be no reason for big quarrels.
♦ There is no risk that love will end.
♦ Domestic quarrels and quarrels over money are also excluded.
Sometimes a marriage of convenience becomes a marriage of love. People get used to each other, and since they are friendly, a strong feeling gradually arises, which can already be considered love. We must try to achieve such a result, in the end there is nothing impossible in it.
The obvious disadvantages of marriage of convenience
There is always the possibility that the calculation will not be justified. For example, the living space of the future spouse may turn out to be rented or owned by some relatives, and not at all to him personally. A very rich old man, whom you are marrying, confidently counting on a quick inheritance, may have a family from an unknown first marriage, to which a fair part, if not all, of the property was bequeathed, you will get what is colloquially referred to as the word “shish ". Finally, you can be blatantly deceived. Suppose you seriously set your sights on a respectable man in an ultra-elegant suit and with an expensive foreign car, who introduced himself as the general director of a large company, but in reality this is only the driver of that very director. And besides:
♦ such a marriage is not “flavored” with love (although it may arise with some luck later, but you should not rely on it);
♦ sex with an unloved person may well bring you a lot of negative emotions and experiences;
♦ for sure all finances will be concentrated in the hands of the “rich half”;
♦ there is a high probability of constant, rather rigid control and accounting (money, time, behavior, friends, etc.). Life wisdom says: to live without sadness, being a free poor man, is often better than to yearn, being a rich recluse;
♦ the risk of being treated by another as a purchased item. And this may well be “allowed” by the one who has money;
♦ if conditions marriage contract(or oral agreement) are violated, the culprit in this violation may be left with nothing.
As Oscar Wilde once said, “marriage without love is terrible, but there is something worse: a marriage in which love is present, but only on one side, fidelity on only one side ... in such a marriage one of two hearts definitely broken."
Traditionally, society supports marriage for love, marriage of convenience is condemned, but behind the scenes both institutions of marriage are very popular in modern society. When mentioning a marriage of convenience, as a rule, there are negative thoughts and ideas: this is immoral, but what about feelings and love? But there are no guarantees that a marriage of convenience or a marriage of great and happy love will turn out well.
It happens that the first love and a happy marriage develop successfully, for a long time, and that's great. It’s great if everything works out harmoniously, children grow up and make their parents happy, the house is a full bowl, loved ones are healthy, and love warms hearts. But it happens in a different way, love passes, there remains a habit and affection, gratitude, if it and respect have been preserved.
For some, marriage without love is a priori impossible, for others, marriage without material wealth is doomed to divorce. Feelings, as a rule, cover us with a head, and then leave. While you are young and in love, and paradise in a hut is sufficient, but with age, priorities and social status change, you want more, including money. Passionate love passes, but the feeling of hunger remains every day. The wallet is empty, there is nothing to pay for renting an apartment, and there is only processed cheese in the refrigerator. Love and passion must be maintained every day, in otherwise material problems and life will destroy the marriage.
Financially, a marriage of convenience is more stable than a marriage of love: when the personal future is determined, it is understandable and tangible, and the future of the children is planned for years ahead and there is no need to answer the question of where to get the money. A girl, a woman dreams of a smart, beautiful, successful and rich chosen one. However, either such men are already busy, or the chosen one is not the one that was in my dreams. You have to make a choice: either passionate love with an uncertain future, or a family without romance and passionate feelings.
Love-match
Love is a strong feeling filled with tenderness, the heartfelt affection of a man and a woman. It involves complete dissolution in a partner, the motive to always be there, to see the partner as sweet and romantic. Love forms joy and happiness if it is mutual, and, on the contrary, brings grief and negative experiences, if not mutual. In love, as a rule, harmonious sexual relations. For many people, love is the most important feeling in life.
AT happy marriage for love, harmony and happiness accompany the union of a man and a woman, but this is not enough for family life to be happy. Spouses have to work day by day on their family happiness. It is necessary to accept your man as he is, with his virtues and negative qualities, it is necessary to be patient with personal qualities each other.
If the marriage took place for love, this is not a guarantee that in family life there will be no conflicts. A conflict is a clash of interests. A man and a woman are different, upbringing and education are different, different social status, so the manifestation of conflicts is inevitable. You need to be able to hear and listen to your spouse, learn not to stir up a big conflict out of a small trifle. You need to learn to forgive and compromise when needed. Marriage for love is based on fidelity, trust of spouses, thoughts should not appear to have a lover or mistress. Trust is the foundation of marriage. Husband and wife must fully and completely trust each other. And as a reward for everything, you will receive a family life - a long one, filled with happiness and love.
Marriage of convenience
The negative attitude towards marriages of convenience comes from the interpretation of the word “calculation” itself. Usually, the word “calculation” means only material calculation, when one of the spouses chose the other due to material well-being, where they are not interested in other qualities, the main thing is that the partner (he / she) was financially secure. This is just one of the calculation options.
Not always in a marriage of convenience, the main thing is money and other material goods (house, apartment, car). Sometimes a woman is looking for a spiritually rich or physically strong man to continue her family, just change her surname and leave her parental home. This is also a marriage of convenience, not love. Love can also arise in a marriage of convenience, if the spouses are nice to each other, respect each other, and they are doing well in sex. From competent calculation to love is just a moment. Some people believe that marriage of convenience is immoral and condemned by society. Others believe that a marriage of convenience is better, and love itself will come with time.
Many films, serials have been shot, hundreds of books have been written, where the main character marries an elderly and unloved man. Of course, there may be exceptions when the chosen one is young, handsome and famous. The wealth of the future spouse of women attracts like a magnet and motivates them to marry, not being afraid to live in a “golden cage”, giving a comfortable future for themselves and their children. Sometimes a marriage of convenience is stronger and more durable than a marriage of love. When the number of everyday problems grows, romance disappears. Money gives confidence in the future, gives us freedom and independence from many problems. When you love, you make a decision with your heart, not with your mind, and when there is a calculation, a man and a woman soberly assess the situation.
Not all relationships begin out of love, some are driven by mercantile goals. No matter what anyone says, there are pluses and minuses in a relationship of convenience. And each person has the right to decide what kind of relationship he wants.
Before starting a relationship, you need to determine important points. What is the main component - love or calculation. Settlement does not necessarily mean money. This may be the reliability of a partner (many girls stay with their men not because of deep feelings, but because they are behind him "like behind a stone wall") or simply a desire to start a family. But the beginning of a relationship, in any case, should be accompanied by at least respect for the person.
Relationship forecast
Any relationship is a kind of lottery. It is not known what the future holds. Even a loved one can begin to annoy with time, and, perhaps, it will even turn out that, apart from the bright image that you liked so much, a person has nothing behind his soul. On the other hand, a consciously made choice (even if it is called "calculated") may more than justify itself in the future.
Pros and cons of settlement relationships
If the relationship is built on love, it is much easier to accept the partner's shortcomings. Although on the other hand, these shortcomings can then "emerge" out of nowhere and cause irritation. No one guarantees that a loved one will be a faithful and reliable partner, and in the future - a spouse. Calculated relationships allow you to evaluate a partner without emotions that overwhelm and do not allow you to reason objectively.
Often far-sighted and firmly on the ground, and not hovering in the clouds, women make a conscious choice in favor of a man less attractive to them, with the expectation that he will turn out good husband and father.
On the other hand, a relationship with an unloved person can be quite difficult. Perhaps, after a while, an unloved partner will begin to annoy. And the calculation, because of which the relationship began at all, may not be justified. Or make excuses, but the woman will no longer receive any satisfaction from this. Such situations arise when the familiar concept of the "golden cage" arises. A financially secure woman, who is taken care of and literally blown dust off her, does not feel happy, because. her heart is cold towards her husband, or even completely occupied by another person.
No one doubts the importance of mutual feelings. Relationships of convenience are not excluded, but common sense should not yield to feelings. A person must clearly understand what he wants from a relationship.
This minimizes the number of grievances about unfulfilled hopes. Due to the lack of feelings, quarrels do not arise on the basis of jealousy and lack of attention. Relations of convenience are conscious and most importantly, they should be beneficial to both partners. Everyone has their own motives and ways to achieve what they want. Relationships cannot be judged. Everyone himself determines the reasonableness of the choice - feelings or calculation.
Marina NikitinaPreviously, marriage of convenience was a shameful phenomenon, although those women who discussed a mercenary union were not averse to marrying of convenience themselves.
The concept of “calculation” is very flexible, because when they love unrequitedly, without money, they want to be with their beloved (beloved) all their lives, they start doing something together, they come together or formalize relationships - after all, this is also a calculation, a woman is counting on the continuation of a happy love, care.
There are many options for marriage of convenience on the Internet: you can read and evaluate this information for a long time. But the meaning of a thoughtful marriage remains the same, whether it is a wedding for the sake of tradition, for money, or a fictitious marriage to travel to other countries, and so on.
Do you need to look into your spouse's wallet?
Young girls and girls tend to be dreamy. No one is surprised when a girl who has just begun to grow up evaluates herself and is convinced that only a prince on a white horse is worthy of her, in other words, an ideal, not existing in nature, interesting only at first glance, a handsome, strong male protector (about such film only).
When a sweet person, growing up, “fills bumps” in a love affair, understands that you won’t be fed up with love alone, that everyone has flaws, then the calculation begins. After all, even if a proud and smart girl is going to earn a lot of money and be independent of her future spouse, it is unlikely that she, having realized this goal, will allow her husband to waste her money for no reason (of course, if we are not talking about sponsorship, but about love). Here is the calculation. The reverse situation can also happen.
Disadvantages of arranged marriage
Let's try to see the disadvantages of such marriages:
Lack of love.
On the one hand, the wording itself suggests the presence of a cold calculation and a complete absence of elevated feelings. On the other hand, life is so unpredictable that even in the most “calculated” relationships, love can arise.
Especially when both spouses are rich, with a team of lawyers behind them, who did this calculation by drawing up marriage contracts. In this case, people may well stop worrying about their money and fall in love. After all, this is still when no problems and worries distract. Therefore, this minus is not a hard and fast rule.
"Life in a Golden Cage"
This refers to the rigid attitudes of a woman's behavior with a rich spouse. If a person is obsessed with money and a girl consciously marries a “money bag”, who doesn’t even have time to look up from the screen with quotes, then she voluntarily, consciously took such a step.
Let her miss in the company of the same polished, gold-studded girlfriends and complain - this is just a game. The rich have to play these games. The girl appreciated the nuances of life with an insensitive ATM in advance and the cage suited her.
Consumer relations in marriage.
A dubious minus of the union of two people by calculation. Who treats a partner differently? Can you name many such couples? Most likely the answer is no. A marriage entered into for love or for other reasons with smiles on their faces and hope in their hearts in 90% of cases develops into the same consumer relationship if love breaks against a harsh life or turns out to be an illusion.
Pretense, hypocrisy, hateful duties.
Yes, it is not always revealed to a person at a young age. Sometimes it appears not in the form of passion, but grows out of sympathy, awareness. Such relationships, born of a joint business, sealed by contracts, sometimes turn out to be stronger than completely irrational, colored by sudden passion after meeting online on the Internet or at a noisy party.
No litter and insults.
The more indifferent people are to each other, the less likely it is to quarrel, swear, and show things off. Why swear when everyone can do what they want. If one of the partners is forgotten, then the marriage contract or verbal agreement will remind him of the decisions made together.
Independence of spouses in a rational marriage.
What the spouses are connected with in a marriage of convenience is precisely stipulated immediately. Everyone clearly understands why it is needed and what he will get. The wife will not blame her husband for the lack of attention or love, he will not reproach her for unnecessary purchases, after all, this is a marriage of convenience.
Opportunity to leave, change status, hide, receive benefits.
At the conclusion fictitious marriage to obtain the citizenship of another country, usually both parties win. One person leaves his unloved place of residence, which was sucking in like a swamp, the other - material wealth or money. The reasons for signing fictitious contracts are varied and it is difficult to list them all, and it is not necessary. The main thing is that they are united not at all by love, but by mutually beneficial relationships.
March 23, 2014Each of us wants big and mutual love for life, to unite by marriage with the person to whom we gave our heart. But life is unpredictable and sometimes we make a choice in favor of marriage of convenience. This type of marriage has existed since ancient times and has not lost its relevance to this day. It means receiving certain benefits (financial, social, and so on) as a result of officially registered relationships by mutual agreement between spouses. Can such a marriage be strong and last? long years Will the people in it be happy? We will talk about the pros and cons of marriage of convenience in today's article.
Reasons people go into arranged marriages
To get started, let's take a look at possible reasons arranged marriage:
1. Following traditions. In Arab and some Asian countries, parents choose for their children a suitable, in their opinion, a couple - equal to them in social status, position in society and financial well-being. Parents who communicate well and are pleased with each other seek to connect the fates of their children and quite often enter into marriages of convenience.
2. Financial motive. Some girls get married to improve their financial situation and live in abundance. At the same time, they do not experience any romantic feelings for their chosen one. There are also those who live at the expense of their spouse without remorse. The owners of large corporations often marry their children in order to strengthen and consolidate the development of their business, to become even richer, stronger and more influential. Some politicians and influential people go for a marriage of convenience and choose an ideal partner in the eyes of society to create the image of an exemplary family man and move up the career ladder.
3. Immigration to another country. One option for obtaining a visa is a marriage of convenience with a citizen of the country to which the interested party is moving.
4. To cover up your preferences in love. There are cases when people with a non-traditional sexual orientation get married and get married in order not to reveal themselves. After all, this can harm their relationships in the family, with friends, with people around them and become an obstacle to their successful career.
5. Some choose for themselves a partner who in the future will become in their understanding good parent (ideal father or mother). Women are looking for a reliable, smart, handsome, talented, kind, rich man with a good character. They hope that the husband will pass on good genes to the child and will doom him. Even if the motives this case not financial, this union can also be called, a kind of marriage of convenience. A woman wants her child to live in good conditions filled with love and understanding, especially if she herself grew up in a poor family and a dysfunctional environment. Also, single fathers often make a choice in favor of a spouse who will become a good mother for their child.
Advantages of arranged marriage:
- Love often passes quickly, there is even an opinion that it lives only three years. Therefore, isn't it better to choose a person who moves in the same direction with you, suits you according to many criteria and, just as you initially strive for a strong union and peace, harmony in the family. In addition, there are cases when, after several years spent together, true love arises between spouses. People get used to each other, they have mutual feelings and they start to see a lot positive aspects at your partner.
- With the help of a marriage contract, you can discuss all the moments of your family life to the smallest detail and avoid unnecessary conflicts and misunderstandings. Knowing all the conditions of cohabitation, the spouses are not entitled to make claims against each other. A couple who has chosen a marriage of convenience has a great chance for a strong relationship, a calm and harmonious atmosphere in the house.
- Receiving various benefits and advantages as a result of this type of marriage will help some to solve many of their problems, satisfy ambitions and live a more luxurious and successful life.
Cons of arranged marriage:
- The most important and significant disadvantage of a marriage of convenience is the lack of love and real feelings in it. Is true happiness possible when there is no person nearby who is determined by fate and is our soulmate? Having received the benefits that a marriage of convenience gives, not everyone can feel good, be happy and not pay attention to the huge emptiness that forms in the soul due to the lack of love. Most often, the all-consuming feeling of loneliness prevents partners from living a full and vibrant life.
You may be interested in our article on how to live happily
- If one of the partners pretended to be in his feelings for selfish purposes, then after a while, seeing the sincere relationship of the other, he may feel guilty towards his loving partner. It happens that in the process life together one of the partners of the marriage contract falls in love with his spouse for real, but the partner does not reciprocate. He did not have feelings, as in the beginning of their marriage.
- When one partner is completely dependent on the other, he can feel pressure, constant control and live like a "beautiful nightingale in a golden cage." He will always have to adapt to his spouse, act according to their rules and be only their reflection.
