How to preserve love while remaining a self-sufficient person? There seems to be some kind of contradiction hidden in the question itself: how can one love and at the same time not depend on each other? It turns out that it is possible. This is the secret of unconditional love. (Let me clarify: not depending on each other does not mean that we don’t care about each other.)
So, what can you do to ensure that unconditional love appears in a relationship and, most importantly, remains unconditional? Let's divide the recommended actions into 4 levels.
Soul level
Show genuine interest in yourself
It is important to remain an individual with your own interests, your own desires, your own personal space. What do I want? What does this mean for me? How will I achieve this? – ask yourself these questions more often. This will preserve love and make relationships more sincere.
Show genuine interest in your partner
The biggest mistake in a relationship is to say to yourself at some point: “I know this person as myself.” At this moment we cease to be interested in the partner, we become indifferent to him.
There is a wonderful phrase: “ We all leave forever every time. Someone else always comes back instead of us" We part, something happens to us, we gain new experience - and in this sense, after separation, two new people already meet. Be interested in this new thing in another!
Set a healthy distance
This is something without which equal, full-fledged relationships are impossible. And this distance becomes possible if a balance of interest in yourself and interest in your partner is maintained. We are together, but we are not halves of one whole! Each of us is a whole!
Body level
Show generosity on a material level
Give each other gifts! And accept them with gratitude! Very often we give easily and find it difficult to receive. Somewhere deep down in the soul there is a conviction that accepting a gift means becoming obligated. And who likes it?
Or back side: I don’t know how to give, because “what good can I do... I don’t have enough ideas or money for a super gift - nothing at all is better.” Meanwhile, a gift is like a piece of the soul, a material expression of love.
Take care of yourself
Not everyone knows how to consciously take care of themselves! We do a lot of things for ourselves, but more often it happens on the run, in a hurry, our thoughts at this moment have either already fled to the future, or.
We all take care of our spirituality, our mind (we read books, reason, think), but at the same time we are not very good at taking care of our body. It is important to relax and rest on a bodily level.
Giving happiness on a sexual level
Without sex, there is no full partnership between a man and a woman. This is a moment of great trust. And great pleasure.
It's important to remember that your partner wants to enjoy it just as much as you do! This will make the relationship more joyful and allow you to maintain love on a physical level.
Speech level
Tell the truth, ask
A big temptation in relationships is to “guess it yourself.” And for him or her to guess, we often begin to manipulate, to achieve our goals not directly, but through some secret paths.
Instead of honestly and openly asking for a glass of water, we say into space with meaningful sighs: “Oh, I’m so thirsty...” Manipulation is what destroys relationships.
Speak calmly and inspire confidence
Our intonations reveal our feelings. No matter how much we say the words “I love you so much, I love you so much!”, if in the tone of the voice we hear “You ruined my whole life!!!” our partner will hear exactly this text.
In the “Love and Self-Acceptance” course, we spend a lot of time learning to hear our own and others’ intonations. And we practice making the words and tone of voice match each other.
Speak usefully
Relationships are not a result. Relationships are a living process. And, perhaps, at a certain point they cease to suit us. It is important at these moments to talk about what can be done differently, what and how can be changed for the better.
Remember point 1 of soul level? What do I want from this relationship? And what am I ready to do for this? It is impossible to preserve and freeze love, but it is possible to develop it.
Mind level
Be grateful
What do you focus your attention on most often? On what you already have? Or what are you still missing? Start appreciating what you have - and there will be more of it in your life.
If your partner feels that you are not enough all the time, will this encourage him to achieve more? It’s unlikely, because it won’t be enough anyway.
Be friendly
Treat your partner not as a set of shortcomings that definitely need to be improved and corrected. Feeling like “I'm not good enough” doesn't help improve relationships.
A much more pleasant feeling is “They love me just the way I am - and that’s great!” Everything about my partner that is different from me is interesting! And I certainly accept this.
Develop Right Attitudes
We change, we develop. It is important that at this moment we do not forget about the relationship and our partner. And if suddenly at a certain moment my partner stops striving somewhere and wanting something, it would be nice to ask himself:
“What am I doing that makes my loved one decide to stop in his development?” And don’t look for someone “more advanced.” Love comes to us from the heart, not from the mind.
How to maintain a long-term relationship?
How to keep love? Some say that feelings pass, and only the habit of each other remains. Others claim that true love– is eternal, and “never ceases.”
But in marriage, people often forget about their feelings when their severity passes. What can you do to maintain the love fire that binds your couple?
1. Don’t get completely lost in a relationship..
You must be a self-sufficient person, sincerely showing interest in your personal life, and enthusiastically engage in self-development and hobbies. You cannot lose your Self; you must emphasize individuality in every possible way.
2. Let your partner be himself.
After all, he attracted you with a dozen of his traits, so why now methodically destroy one by one? 
Don't try to change the person you love. On the contrary, you can maintain a warm relationship only by being interested in all aspects of your spouse’s personality.
3. Show your interest!
Does he love football? Give him a New Year a paid TV package with sports channels or make a reservation at the best sports bar for him and his friends.
Does he like skiing? Try to join in, overcome your fears, and slide down the steep peak together!
4. Be alone.
We cannot ignore the fact that lovers need to be face-to-face at least sometimes.
Even if you have a one-room apartment, two children and grandmothers living 1000 kilometers away, find a way to retire for a couple of hours at least once a week.
Go to a restaurant, to the cinema, to night club, to the rink. Even a simple walk in the evening park will strengthen your relationship. Don't forget to hold hands and kiss on the bench!
5. Relationships have many levels, love has many faces..
You are probably familiar with the theory about the phases of love. After a sparkling merger, at the peak of candy-bouquet happiness comes sobering up and a desire to distance oneself.
And now he, who only yesterday was holding your knee during dinner, is already running to go fishing. And then - worse than that - it begins to conquer personal space and time.
Next comes the leadership phase, when everyone beats their chest to find out “who’s boss.” The worst thing you can do is put your husband on a short chain, whip him and threaten him with divorce.
Even worse is to ruin the relationship by erecting a monument to supposedly “withered tomatoes.”
Go through these phases peacefully (or quarreling, but skillfully), because they are necessary so that after time a new, even stronger and true love for each other appears before you.
6. Don’t forget about your femininity and natural coquetry.
Marriage is not a monastery with small windows and tiny cells. You have the right to be liked by others.
Don't be the prey that lies, long ago caught and ready, in the refrigerator. Be the one, who needs to be conquered daily, seeing serious competition.
Very often, young families refuse to meet with single friends. They make mutual friends (usually happy couples), spend time together.
But each of you must have one or two of your own friends with whom you can unwind alone and affectionately wash your partner’s bones.
And this is very important for your relationship. Therefore, stand strong for your personal social circle!
8. Are you sure that your other half is a psychic and telepath??
The key to long-term love is the sexual satisfaction of both partners, and reticence only harms it.
9. Talk to each other more often.
This is not about a showdown, a discussion of dinner plans, or a verbal list of groceries from the store. After putting the children to bed and turning off the TV, go to the kitchen to drink tea.
Talk heart to heart, build a virtual future, plan vacations or holidays, choose gifts for friends. The main thing is to listen to each other and look into each other's eyes. And love will never stop!
Every day in life we try to achieve something - promotion at work, success in a game, etc. But perhaps one of the most important achievements is maintaining love in a relationship. In this matter, it is not enough to find your soul mate; you also need to maintain love in the relationship so that it does not fade away or come to naught. But, as always happens, it is extremely difficult to do this alone. Both must participate in this. After all, it is impossible to carry the entire family burden on just one person.
The relationship between two people should always be based primarily on feelings of love, mutual understanding, and respect. Therefore, now we will tell you how to maintain love in a relationship and not become a victim of disappointment.
How to maintain love in a relationship? This is a question everyone should think about. loving friend friend to the couple, because love is a creative feeling and love needs to be built, warmed up all the time, and always be attentive in matters related to love. Success in love needs to be seriously worked on by both halves.
Here are some tips on how to maintain love in a relationship to help young couples:
Always find a compromise. This is necessary for both of you. After all, in a dispute you can always find correct solution. Just don’t lead your disputes to rudeness and massacres;
You should not resort to insults, especially in front of people. Thus, you will fall in the eyes of your friends and loved ones;
Know how to forgive insults. Especially not externally, but internally. In the shower. Everything happens in life and you need to be able to survive and forgive it in order to maintain love in a relationship;
Try to help each other more often. This will bring you even closer. And you will also show that you are not indifferent to him;
Spend everything free time together if you want to maintain love in your relationship. Theaters and cinema, nature hikes, trips, and even just walks on fresh air. In this way, you will strengthen your relationships more and will always be able to find a way out of any situation in a calm atmosphere;
Give each other surprises. And with or without reason. This will never go unnoticed. Gratitude and understanding that you are loved will only strengthen;
Don't be stingy with your praise. Everyone needs this. More compliments and declarations of love, even in the most seemingly inappropriate places;
Mutual understanding is simple necessary condition to create strong relationships. Therefore, in all cases, to maintain love in a relationship, listen to each other and be understanding of each other's needs and characteristics;
Don't try to limit each other. The cage has never done anyone any good. Ultimatums and conditions are also inappropriate;
Confidence. It is impossible to maintain love in a relationship if you no longer trust each other. Try to trust your life partner more. After all, without trust there can be no normal relationship.
It is very important to find compromises in any situations and disagreements between you, this will help you strengthen your union, and it is the basis of your relationship. It is always necessary to maintain love in a relationship and communicate with each other openly and not hide anything from each other, and if a controversial situation arises, then you need to collect your thoughts, take a few deep breaths, stop quarreling and try to find a solution to the controversial issue together. After all, your opponent is not an enemy, but the very other half that you love. It is always necessary to remember this.
Always be honest with each other and communicate more often on intimate topics, get to know each other better and deeper, the better you know each other, the easier it is for you to communicate, the easier it is to find compromises.
Try to maintain love in your relationship, protect your partner’s personal space, and don’t be too intrusive if your significant other suddenly wants to be alone for a while. If you do not allow this to happen, you will create an oppressive feeling, and you will unwittingly create not very pleasant feelings.
Don’t forget to give compliments, declare your love, give gifts, show all sorts of attention, this should always be the case. Otherwise, after the wedding, some people think that the “candy bouquet period” is over and stop taking care of themselves and their other half. This shatters all romanticism into smithereens and has a detrimental effect on relationships.
Try to spend more time together to maintain the love in your relationship, and it would be great to find some common hobby. And together we strive to achieve a common goal, which could be more interesting than striving for something in common with the person who is closest to you in the world, who will rejoice in your joint successes with complete sincerity.
Smile at each other, call each other more often during the day. Try to always stay in good mood, then you will not care about difficulties, and you will easily cope with them.
Children bring families together like nothing else. Children are the most important success in love.
How to maintain love in a relationship while working on yourself
The ability to love is an art that requires a special talent, a talent that, alas, is not inherent in every person. This art takes a lifetime to learn, and it is good to learn it in order to maintain love in a relationship. And, often, only in old age you can really see examples of real sincere and deep love, bright and inspiring love. Not everyone has this “pure” feeling, but there is still nothing that a person can learn.
Control of emotions
A person who is first of all in harmony with himself can love. An open, kind, sincere person. The heart of such a person is filled only with positive emotions. Learning to restrain yourself is not as difficult as it seems at first glance. And today, the ability to control oneself is valued much more than mental abilities.
In order to maintain love in a relationship, you need to keep your emotions under control, and you need to keep your thoughts under control. As you know, thoughts are material and this is justified by the law of attraction operating in the universe. This means that the first step in learning to love is the ability to restrain all negative emotions.
Understanding a loved one
The second step is the ability to empathize, understand and support the person who is next to you. Learning this is not so easy. While supporting a person, as a rule, is not a big deal, then again, not everyone can truly understand and penetrate his problems.
And not everyone will decide to shoulder the problems of another person and understand why it is important for him. And so, in order to maintain love in a relationship and learn to love, you need to be understanding about the problems of a person close to you.
And the third, one of the important steps, is the ability to learn and teach. In human relations this comes first. The ability to transmit your knowledge and receive it from others is the highest point of human communication. This ability is necessary in order to learn to love.
Learning to maintain love in relationships
How to learn to love?
Is it enough to teach him the above listed qualities? The answer to these questions is clear: no. As they say: “Live forever, learn forever.” You cannot teach a person to love - only he himself can do this.
Yes, for this you need to know the above points, but this is not enough. Just as it will not be enough to know 20 more similar points. After all, what is love? This is a special feeling, and only time and experience can teach a person to feel. And maintaining love in a relationship is generally an art.
Unfortunately, by our nature we tend to express love in a language that is understandable to us, and not to the person we love, that is, in the way we would like it to be done to ourselves. However, if you speak different languages, then your lover (beloved) will not appreciate your efforts.
This is why thousands of couples fail in their relationships after failing to maintain love in the relationship. Sam, a divorced man, once said to a woman he was dating: “I don’t understand what she wants from me. She complains all the time that I don’t love her.
How can she say that! Every day I say I love her. I compliment her on her appearance and praise her for being a good mother. Why does she feel unloved?"
How to learn to express love
The catch is that her main language is actions, not words of encouragement. She, in turn, thinks: “If he really loved me, he would help me with the housework. When he comes to visit me, he watches TV, and I wash the dishes.
He never helps me with anything. I am annoyed by his confessions: I love you, I love you. His words are empty words! If he truly loved me, he would have proven it in practice. I do everything for him, but he does nothing for me."
A similar scenario exists in thousands of relationships in which people have failed to maintain love in the relationship. Everyone expresses love in their own language and does not understand why their partner does not feel loved. If you want to build a close relationship, determine your lover's primary language.
Many couples who date for more than two years break up after the obsessive period of passionate love passes. They could make a wonderful match for each other, however, when their feelings become dull, young people scatter, instead of correcting everything with the help of love languages.
Every relationship has its ups and downs, but there are ways to keep it on track when things are going wrong. It is precisely at such moments that women have questions - how to maintain a relationship with their beloved husband, how to improve a relationship with a guy, how to preserve a relationship at a distance.
Unfortunately, too many couples make mistakes when this difficult period comes, and it is women who often look for ways to maintain a relationship with their husband or simply a loved one.
Financial difficulties are the leading cause of discord among couples. The anger that arises during these arguments often leads to other problems, such as stopping good communication, cheating, and even goes as far as verbal, emotional or physical violence due to certain errors.
This happens on the part of both partners. This can be extremely toxic for any relationship or partnership, and even worse if children are involved or present during arguments. Thus, this can lead to systematic stress and violence, which is very difficult to stop and save the relationship if it is on the verge of breaking. How to maintain relationships in such difficult situations. But there are many ways a couple can avoid these difficult moments. Such advice will save relationships that were once so wonderful from falling apart. And as a bonus, we have prepared for you a video about 10 mistakes women make and 10 mistakes men make in relationships (see the end of the article).
Conversation will smooth out any event that is causing problems in your life. Discuss and engage in discussions about what you can do to improve the situation, as well as the disadvantages and advantages of the solutions each of you proposes. Be open and ready to communicate at all times.
Don't be afraid to speak openly about your desires, plans and outlook on life 2. Sincerity
Always be honest about your feelings. If you are insincere just to get out of the situation without confrontation or conflict with your partner, or so as not to emotionally traumatize yourself or your partner, then the problem will not go away. It will live somewhere in your head and may eventually explode as a manifestation of great anger directed directly at your partner. This, in turn, can easily lead to a chain of negative events, in comparison with which the original cause will seem insignificant. So be honest with yourself and your partner, otherwise you will no longer be tormented by the question of how to save the relationship.
3. Trust
Believe in your partner and yourself. You need to trust your partner's feelings and decisions. Do not ask your partner about his intentions at a time when he needs to make the right decision in difficult situation. Trust him enough to discuss his problems as your heart dictates, so that your partner is confident that you are just as keen on finding a solution as he is.
Don’t be afraid to decorate your relationship with new bright impressions 4. Understanding
It is very important to be able to accept different opinions. You do not have to agree with him, but you must listen, understand and understand his opinion on the decision problematic situation. Moreover, be extremely honest at this stage. Let him know that you disagree, but you are able to listen to him. No two minds work the same way, but together they can complement each other and create great solutions to extremely difficult problems.
5. Compromise
We have already said above that two heads are better than one, but compromise is the most powerful tool through which relationships can be maintained and your union will become strong and functioning. Each of you may have your own ideas and opinions, however, solutions to daily problems will appear faster if you cooperate with him, and if you learn to compromise from time to time. How to save a relationship - learn to compromise.
be attentive to each other 6. Step back
Don't be afraid to take a step back, if things get hot and you're starting to have trouble communicating, take a step back and give yourself a break. It's never too late to start a relationship over again after a short break. The main thing is not to make rash steps and mistakes, which will later become fatal in your relationship. Take a break and think about what should be said and what should be kept silent. Go into another room, try to organize your thoughts and return to your partner with a clear mind. How to save a relationship - learn to stop yourself in time and rewind a little. Think carefully before you start saying words that you will both regret later.
7. Give in
Sometimes you cannot connect your thoughts so that they cooperate with each other. Concessions are another form of compromise that is not often necessary to resort to. Don't be stubborn, open yourself up to other opinions, ideas and solutions. Small concessions will greatly help improve your relationship with your husband. How to save a relationship - let him feel like a man, the head of the family, your beloved husband.
Solve all problems as they arise, without delaying until later 8. Creativity
Be creative when it comes to solutions to problems. When it comes to common financial problems, find some creative solutions to stay afloat. You can organize a sale of old things, find some extra work on the side, or sell your delicious baked goods. You can always find creative solution when it comes to financial problems. One way or another, you will find a way out of this situation, the main thing is that your ideas do not go beyond the law. A creative approach will give you the opportunity to maintain a relationship with your loved one for life, because often financial problems become a stumbling block in relationships. And you will never think about how to save a relationship again.
9. Humor
Try to always find time to laugh. Make your partner laugh too. Thanks to this, you will defuse the atmosphere and a solution will be found on its own. A positive attitude is the key to meeting the challenges that life throws your way. A good sense of humor will help improve relationships after a quarrel or minor conflict. Notice their comical, funny sides in your common problems. The world so controversial that it should definitely be treated with a sense of humor. Support your partner in this way.
Share plans for the future with each other, and dream together and make dreams come true 10. How to save a relationship - spend time together
Take time to not worry about anything and just enjoy each other. Whether you have found a solution to your problem or not, you should put it aside and spend some time free from problems. Spending time together can help a relationship better than any psychologist. Go for a walk, watch a movie, or cuddle, you can do sports together, for example. Remember why you chose to life together exactly the person who is nearby. Get back to that feeling of contentment, without all that reality that comes with every union. How to save a relationship - love yourself completely.
11. How to save relationships - value the reciprocity of relationships
Even if you are very busy, be sure to find some time for general conversations. And it's not just about exchanging information, about who will do the shopping, clean up or take out the trash. Don't neglect long, wide-ranging discussions about life. Building a relationship with a man is quite a difficult task. Share your thoughts, talk about your feelings, plans and dreams. And remember, communication is a dialogue, not a monologue. Even when you are tired of what your partner is talking about, try not to show it. How to save a relationship - always look into your lover’s eyes during a conversation and listen to him carefully. General conversations strengthen the bond between you. The discussion will also clear your doubts about emotional state another person, you can predict the behavior of your partner. Remember that relationships in which partners know a lot about each other are the most successful.
enjoy spending your free time together 12. Have a great passion
Passion will help refresh your relationship. Many people say that problems in relationships begin in bed. There is probably something in this, especially since it has been scientifically proven that problems in sex life increase tension between partners and in other areas of life. You should definitely bring passion back into the relationship. Therefore, it is important to constantly take care of the intimate side of your relationship. First of all, you need to make sure that cold and routine do not come to bed. Despite many years of acquaintance, still allow yourself new madness. Change old habits, try something new. New erotic adventures can easily save a relationship, but let typical mistakes women during sex.
13. Don't forget about affectionate gestures
Never forget about rendering mutual feelings. Find time every day to say something nice to him. Just short call by phone and one SMS in which you will support your emotions. Also try to praise each other; this will improve your relationship with your loved one. You should also tell your partner what you love about him often, but also kiss and hug him for no reason, even while watching TV. All these sensitive gestures and words will definitely come back to you with interest. As has been scientifically proven, affection, praise and hugs stimulate the production of the so-called “happiness hormone” in our body, which, among other things, affects the establishment of interpersonal connections.
It is not always worth demanding from a man the sentimentality that is inherent in women. But demand and create romance in relationships 14. Argue wisely
Psychologists say that couples who do not fight cannot count on a successful union. A quarrel for partners is not only important information about the conflict, but also a sign that you have not become indifferent. How to build relationships during quarrels, but at the same time maintain them. The desire to solve a problem means the need to constantly be together, which is a positive component of a partnership. For good relations Sometimes it’s better to have a good fight than to leave a problem without a solution or pretend that it doesn’t exist. The dispute, however, should be conducted skillfully and wisely. A constructive quarrel is a kind of art of negotiation. Also remember that sex as a sign of reconciliation will only be truly successful after a sincere conversation and reconciliation, then it can help the relationship.
15. Enjoy the little things
The enemy of love is routine. To prevent it, you need to constantly diversify the moments you spend together. An option is to go to the movies together, then have dinner at a restaurant, or cook dinner together at home. Sometimes it's worth doing to your loved one a pleasant surprise. Maybe, at least by sending an erotic SMS message to your partner describing what you want after he comes home. Men should also not remain in eternal debt to you.
a romantic trip can strengthen your relationship, even if it's a trip to a nearby park Of course, you will be very happy if from time to time he buys you flowers or serves you breakfast in bed. Thanks to such little things, you will always be very close. Appreciate the time when you are together and, most importantly, next to each other. After all, there are often circumstances in life when close people long time are at a distance and then maintaining the relationship is much more difficult. We recommend that you watch a video on how to save warm relations at a distance and whether they are possible far from each other.
16. Breathe some freedom into your relationship.
To be together, you don't have to do literally everything together. Lack of freedom in a relationship can destroy even the greatest feelings. Being together all the time, you can get very tired of each other. Every person needs a little freedom. So it's worth spending some time apart from your partner. Go to a disco with your friends, and send your partner to watch football at a bar with friends. Moreover, when we are far from our loved one, of course, we will miss him faster. This desire, which is born in us during the absence of a partner, will make our desire to be close even stronger and is guaranteed to maintain a relationship with a loved one for life.
17. Spend time without children
At least once a month, or better yet twice a month, send these little monsters to your grandmother, aunt, or friend for the night. If there is no one nearby, hire a nanny for at least a few hours so you can leave the house together. Go to the cinema, to dinner. Spend time just the two of you. How to save a relationship - go on dates again! And don’t whine that it’s better to stay at home because a nanny is expensive. This is the cost of maintaining your relationship. Is it possible to pay such a price?
spend more time together 18. Go out with friends
Home, home, forever home. After a hard day at work, be it at home, be it at home with children, or other strong irritants. Go meet up with your friends, even if the kids are with you, so that you both win a get together with your friends while sharing custody of the kids.
19. Find new common interests
Common between partners, not between children and parents. General cooking classes, joint dance lessons, joint running. It doesn’t matter what, what matters is that we’re together again.
20. How to save a relationship - have sex
After a working day, you usually have neither the strength nor the desire for additional physical activity. Wait, but children, especially small ones, also sleep during the day. There are days when you are at home together. Use this time. Let the laundry wait, pay the bills in half an hour, nothing will happen if dinner is ready a little later. Don't look for excuses, make your vacation unforgettable, take an hour, half an hour or even 15 minutes, just for the two of you.
21. Selfishly take care of yourself.
Go out with your friends, another time let him go out with his colleagues. Each of you needs a break, take at least a little time just for yourself. Go to the spa, to the cinema or for coffee with a friend. Put on makeup, feel like an attractive woman, and not just a mother. Let healthy jealousy strengthen your relationship.
You can turn to a psychologist for advice, but remember that no one knows your spouse better than you 22. Diversify your communication
Exchange hot text messages, leave love notes on the refrigerator for each other, write letters, send links to music tracks to in social networks. Any form of communication between you will help you maintain your relationship.
The person you connected your life with still exists. He may be a little tired and irritated, but he exists next to you and you have a unique opportunity to discover him in a new way. Start romantic, passionate and strong relationships from scratch. You just need to want it. If there is a desire, then forward to new moments of happiness and its warm embrace.
How to maintain a relationship while having a child?
In a relationship when you already have a child, the situation is completely different. In this case, you are looking for an answer to the question - how to maintain a relationship while having a child? Maintaining a relationship when you have children is difficult. But it is not impossible. Analyze all periods of your life from the time of your first meeting, the beginning of the relationship, right up to the first notes of discord in your relationship. Be sure to remember the moment when you first asked yourself the question - how to help a relationship or how to improve relationships after the birth of a child? This will make it much easier for you to find a solution to a complex puzzle. marital relations. You should refresh your memory and recall the following stages of your marital relationship:
First meeting
After all, you remember how beautiful everything was in the beginning. Butterflies in the stomach, excitement at the thought of the next meeting, tons of messages and sex. Then cuddles on the couch, weekends together, trips, shared events. It doesn't hurt that he can't even make scrambled eggs. She irons his shirts, and is not even angry with him that he added a red T-shirt to his white linen and after washing everything turned pink. The main thing is that he wanted to surprise her and washed her clothes. Everything is beautiful and everything is acceptable. Starting a life together is one of the best things we can experience.
try to start your relationship from scratch, forgetting all grievances and controversial issues The beginning of life together
These conversations are long, endless... concerts, spent together nights until the morning. Oh, how great it is to know that he is nearby, that you can fall asleep with him and wake up with him. Full of happiness. At that wonderful time, the decision about children comes. After all, why not? It’s good for the two of you to live together, the time for stabilization comes, and the animal instinct also works. Ah, this desire for procreation...
Birth of a child
A child is born. The heart skips a beat with hot emotions. Mom cries, dad cries, and the child cries, because at this moment he can’t do anything else. In addition, we are filled with the belief that everything will always be like this. Perfect. And this is where the child begins to show that everything has changed. Cry. All nights, every 3 hours like clockwork, or even more often... because he is hungry, and he has colic or a wet diaper, or something else hurts.
Not everything is so perfect
Children give joy that is incomparable to anything else. You have, of course, heard the expression that a child’s smile rewards any work. And everyone who has children understands this. Nature has given us the blind ability to love these little creatures that we ourselves have created, and it is as instinctive as breathing.
love your spouse in a new way with even greater strength and perhaps your love will warm the relationship The third one is not superfluous
The shoulder, which until now was only ours, now holds the child, drives the stroller, carries a bag, ball, doll, book or anything else associated with the child. The hand that once lay in ours during a walk now takes the child’s hand and helps him walk the entire route from home to the playground, because this little creature no longer wants to sit in a stroller, only to explore the world with his small, still uncertain steps. The child begins to explore the world and attracts the attention of parents, who, focusing only and exclusively on the child, move away from each other.
Coldness in relationships
There is no longer that former romance in relationships. Endless conversations that brought you together were replaced by short dialogues, and at ten o’clock in the evening you are already falling asleep lying on the sofa. The intimacy between you disappears, mutual claims begin, you begin to quarrel over trifles, because hidden emotions eventually have to explode someday.
Analyze step by step and find your mistakes, as well as their correct solution.
Finally, we recommend watching a video about men’s mistakes in relationships with women. Top 10 male blunders. The rating was compiled from the responses of more than 50 girls. Dear men, we love you with all your troubles and we will love you even more if you listen to those things that are really important to us.
Mistakes girls make in relationships. Top 10 female blunders.
We really hope that our advice will help improve the relationship between you and your husband, partner or boyfriend. But remember ideal solutions does not exist and each case is very individual, although the general signs and causes are not alien to it. Everything is in your hands and be happy.
Human relationships are extremely complex things. Just recently, love and mutual understanding reigned between a guy and a girl (or between a husband and wife) - and suddenly, seemingly out of the blue, quarrels and arguments over trifles began. As a result, each meeting turned into a series of conflicts that arose literally out of nowhere. What is this? End of love? What to do? Let's not rush to put an end to it. This is just the first crisis in the relationship.
Causes of the crisis
When a guy and a girl in love start dating, they, of course, expect that their meetings will always have a positive emotional connotation. And that relationships will develop easily, without tension and omissions. Well, how could it be otherwise? After all, they understand each other so well, so they can always find mutual language and overcome all obstacles! However, sometimes very little time passes, and complete mutual understanding disappears somewhere, dissatisfaction with each other’s actions or words appears, and irritation arises from every little thing. The result is endless quarrels, often leading to a complete break. There is nothing surprising about this. And this gap between a man and a woman is most often erroneous. Because almost everyone experiences a crisis in the first year of a relationship, even very loving couples(but they don’t always know what to do now).
Why is this happening? Because with any communication that takes place over a long period of time, sooner or later disagreements arise. There are no normal relationships without quarrels and conflicts. Even if a guy and a girl love each other very much, they remain two independent individuals with their own individual character traits, their own aspirations and views on the world. And the reasons for the crisis in the first year of a relationship are precisely these differences, which in the heat of initial passion we often forget. And often, due to our inexperience, we simply do not take them into account, which, in general, is impossible to do.
"How?" – someone will object, “What are the differences?! My beloved husband (boyfriend) and I are absolutely the same! Our views on life completely coincide, we have the same hobbies and aspirations, and we always try to do everything together! Therefore, there can be no crisis in relationships! Where will it come from if we simply have nothing to quarrel about?” Of course, there are also couples for whom everything coincides. And the peace and quiet that reigns in the relationship between husband and wife has completely satisfied them for many years. But practice shows that more often than not, both of them get bored from “quiet, calm and smooth,” and the couple, which seemed so reliable, suddenly breaks up without much fuss. Therefore, it is quite possible to say that the crisis in your relationship is in some way an indicator of the normal process of development of these same relationships and progress in the adaptation of a man and a woman to each other.
Quarrels between a man and a woman during such a crisis can arise literally out of nowhere, regardless of their desires and will. The reason for them can be every little thing, which, in essence, has no meaning in life. A whole chain of conflicts develops from little things, and now neither of the two remembers how the disagreement began, and tries to find non-existent shortcomings in the other, and reproaches himself for not noticing these pseudo-shortcomings before. And he comes to the conclusion that he was mistaken, and it’s time to end the relationship before it’s too late, and that there’s simply no point in taking any steps towards reconciliation. Stop here! When a crisis occurs in a relationship, we all tend to attribute negative qualities to each other that in reality are not there at all.
Blinded by our emotions, we can easily break up with our husband, who, after the wave of emotions subsides, will again seem like the only and best in the world. And God grant that in this case we can get everything back. But the opposite often happens: a loved one, who has done all sorts of things in the heat of the moment, is already irretrievably lost, and now even if you hit your head against the wall, there is no return to the past. And all that remains is to regret what you have done and try to forget forever about the past moments true love. What to do, what to do? How to overcome a crisis in a relationship and understand that this is really a crisis, and not the death of the original love?
How to survive a relationship crisis
So, our mutual love and enthusiasm for getting to know each other suddenly disappeared somewhere, replaced by constant quarrels and determinations about who is more right. And now everyone begins to seriously doubt their choice and sees the chosen one in a completely different light. Don't rush to conclusions. During such periods, the main thing is patience and the opportunity to look at your own actions from the outside. Perhaps it is we who show intemperance and provoke our loved one into conflicts, trying to cling to his every step? If this is so, then you need to first of all take care of yourself and try to develop in your character such a quality as patience. In a relationship between two people, it is akin to a magic wand - it will always help at critical moments and save love from destruction. This is the main answer to the question of what to do in difficult situations and how to survive a crisis in a relationship.
If a period of conflict suddenly begins in a couple who has been loving until now, both of them need to remember: there is always a reasonable way out of any situation. Therefore, there is no need to rush and make drastic decisions about a breakup. It’s very easy to break everything, but to create it again... It’s better not to take rash steps and find a compromise based on respect for each other. It should be taken into account that a man and a woman are like different poles of the globe. They have different thinking different psychology, different attitudes and life positions.
Often, inexperienced girls who do not know how to survive a crisis in their relationship with a guy mistakenly attribute their own views on the world to him. Don't make this common mistake! Men think differently and perceive a crisis situation in their own way. Usually the stronger sex strives to avoid scandals, therefore, if they become frequent, many guys simply refuse meetings even with very desirable girl. If a loved one does exactly this, the girl should analyze her own behavior to understand whether she is the instigator constant quarrels and is there a good reason for these quarrels? IN otherwise a loved one’s attempts to hide somewhere can lead to an undesirable outcome: sooner or later he will simply find a quieter corner for himself.
Of course, before thinking about how to overcome a crisis in a relationship, you need to think carefully about whether love still exists between husband and wife. Perhaps, in reality, this is not a crisis at all, but the death of love, which there is no point in experiencing for too long. It is advisable for the girl to resolve this issue together with the guy, calmly expressing her complaints to him.
When someone begins to doubt their feelings, you can break up for a while to understand whether you really need this person. If it’s difficult without him, the world has become dull, and life seems meaningless, then you should think about how to behave when relationships become aggravated. If after a day or two we begin to forget about the existence of a previously loved one, well... Then it’s better to break up and not fool each other.
When we are convinced that we need a person, and conflicts are really a consequence of a crisis in a relationship, we need to think about whether we are reconciling correctly after quarrels. After all, truce is a whole science. Usually girls believe that the guy should be the first to take a step towards him and take a wait-and-see attitude, even if they realize that they are the wrong side in the conflict. The guy, in turn, does not want to follow his lover’s lead, and also waits for her to step towards him. How to be in this case?
Of course, all women really want men to beg for their forgiveness, throwing themselves on their knees and showering them with flowers. They especially strive for this when crises occur in your relationship; women are very vulnerable emotionally, and such crises are always a great shock for them, leaving a deep mark. A loved one on his knees and with flowers is in some way a cure for the stress he has suffered, an opportunity to smooth it out Negative consequences. But!!!
Let's think, dear girls, about who our so courageous guy can turn into if we start constantly breaking him, forcing him, whether on his knees or not, to ask for forgiveness for something for which he is not to blame. As a result, if this person is sufficiently pliable, we will get instead strong man a weak-willed subject, completely dependent on our opinion, worthy not of love, but, in best case scenario, indulgence. At worst - contempt. Well, if our beloved has a persistent character, then sooner or later he will get tired of regular boozing on his knees; manhood is a powerful thing! And then he will either force us to respect this dignity, or simply disappear from our lives. And the loss of a real man is a great loss.
In order to avoid such consequences of crises in relationships, let us, dear girls, learn to take independent steps towards reconciliation. After all, we are interested in the preservation of relationships, and in having a self-sufficient, reliable man next to us, and not a slobber and a weakling, to whom it is absolutely impossible to trust ourselves. In addition, it is we who are given by nature to be wiser and more patient, and it is we, and not men, who are endowed with a greater ability to forgive. Therefore, let us not take on the functions of a harsh accuser; true happiness cannot be built on this.
However, it cannot be built even if we, even when a crisis comes, completely adapt to our loved one, trying to guess all his desires and please him in everything. This will not lead to anything good, it will only give rise to a feeling of disdain for us in the guy. You should always behave with dignity and every minute you should remember that every girl is an individual, with her own character, beliefs and aspirations. And you need to respect this personality in yourself and make others respect it. Therefore, to get out of conflict situations we need to be able to choose a path that will not become destructive to our personality.
In a word, truce is the art of respect both for your loved one and for yourself. It is necessary to learn this art, because it maximizes how to overcome a crisis in your relationship with minimal risk of its collapse. How should he study? Where to begin? Here are a few good advice, which, at first glance, have little to do with the ability to put up; however, these tips help you become more attentive to your loved one, form a correct opinion in him about himself, and in yourself about him:
- Before deciding on a serious relationship, let's think about what we like in people, what traits of their character irritate us, how we see ourselves in love and what we consider our shortcomings. This will help you determine your own behavior in relationships with a representative of the stronger sex and control yourself if necessary;
- If a relationship already exists, let’s think about how dear the person is to us and whether it’s worth making efforts to overcome the crisis. If there is no special desire to be with him for the rest of his life, then the question of a truce after conflicts will disappear on its own;
- When meeting a loved one, we try to form the most complete opinion about him, learning as much as possible about his tastes, habits, outlook on life, etc. In order to find out how compatible we are with him and how he will behave in critical situations, if we disagree with something in his views, we openly express our point of view, observing his reaction (not only what, but also how he will do) ;
- When disagreements arise, we try to be sincere with ourselves and try to sort things out. true reasons the guy's dissatisfaction with our behavior. If he has grounds for this dissatisfaction, we try to correct our own behavior.
Take care of your happiness!
Now we know that in relationships, crises not only always happen, but also should exist, because they are the moment of truth. And you need to overcome them patiently and persistently, otherwise there will be no serious relationship With worthy men out of the question. You need to approach the first crisis in a relationship with particular caution and attentiveness, because it is the one that, more than others, is capable of very quickly destroying such a fragile union of two hearts. If we consider the people dear to us and respect their opinions, our chances of happiness will increase significantly. And what, my dear girls, could be more desirable in this world than this all-consuming, all-conquering and so powerful female happiness?
