Even in strong and happy families conflicts happen. This is normal, the main thing is to solve them correctly.
1. Reason: struggle for leadership
Just a few decades ago, a man was a priori considered the head of the family and the main breadwinner, while the woman took care of the housework and children. Today the situation has changed radically: we, like our husbands, are building careers and earning money. And the question “who is in charge” is now one of the most popular causes of conflict in the average family. Psychologists assure that the struggle for leadership, even in a hidden form, is present in absolutely all couples. Especially at the beginning family life, during the so-called grinding-in period.
Spouses try to pull the blanket over themselves and gain the right to priority instructions like “To mom means to mom!” Of course, this does not strengthen the family in any way. On the contrary, eternal confrontations can ultimately lead to a rupture.
How to resolve the conflict?
It is important to remember that a leader is not someone who bangs his fist on the table and imposes his position on other family members. Leadership is, first of all, the ability to take responsibility. The head must be democratic, decide family issues, taking into account the needs of each household, and really taking care of the house. It is from this perspective that you must objectively evaluate each other and appoint not the main one, but the responsible one. And so that the importance of the other spouse is not underestimated, all matters relating to everyday life and relationships with other relatives should be divided into spheres of influence.
2. Reason: jealousy
A partner’s slight jealousy can add brightness to a stable relationship. But pathological is already a reason for conflict. “Where were you?”, “Who did you talk to?” - such an attitude can kill even the strongest and brightest love. The reason for this behavior is lack of self-confidence, the fear of being left alone.
How to resolve the conflict?
Call your soulmate to straight Talk. Ask what causes the jealousy. Say that you love him for who he is. However, emphasize that you are very upset by the lack of trust. Then ask what signs of attention would show that your spouse is valuable and loved to you.
3. Reason: domestic issues
There are a lot of options for the development of conflicts regarding everyday issues: even scattered socks and an unscrewed tube of toothpaste can become a reason for a scandal! There are often cases when a marriage is destroyed due to the reluctance of one of the partners to take care of the house. The book about Lilianna Lungina “Interlinear” describes a variant of a family quarrel based on everyday life: “I saw how good people V good families they’re arguing over who should go put the kettle on.”
How to resolve the conflict?
Distribute responsibilities. Often this alone is enough to bring harmony and harmony to the family. If someone does not fulfill the agreements, arrange duty days: today you take care of the house, tomorrow - your husband. In matters of joint household management, straightforwardness often helps. Say directly that, for example, you hate washing dishes, but you enjoy ironing clothes.
4. Reason: relationship between children and parents
Conflicts between fathers and children are a textbook topic. The toughest confrontation becomes when a child is going through a crisis. adolescence. During this period, he reacts to everything much more sharply: he perceives any concern from his relatives as an attempt to limit freedom, and non-interference in affairs as indifference. The result is quarrels with reproaches like “You don’t understand me!”, “I hate you!”, “I’ll leave home!”
How to resolve the conflict?
5. Reason: spouse's relatives
Unfortunately, not every one of us succeeds in achieving harmony in our relationship with our spouse’s parents. Especially when you have to listen to moral teachings like “In my years, my wife took care of the house and children” or “My Vasenka looks so exhausted, again you cooked steamed cutlets for him” (and Vasenka himself weighs about a hundred kilos and is actively struggling with high cholesterol ).
It is unlikely that you will express your dissatisfaction with your mother-in-law that she is persistently present in your life, but a quarrel with Vasya is inevitable, because you need to take it out on someone.
How to resolve the conflict?
Strange as it may seem, find the strength within yourself and tell your relatives who care about your personal life calmly and without getting personal that you are not satisfied with such interference. You are adults and you decide how you want to live. In addition, be sure to discuss the problem with your husband, and do not use him as a lightning rod.
But! Such conversations can give rise to much greater conflict: it all depends on the person you want to reach. Sometimes all you need to do is smile back and do things your way.
6. Reason: financial issue
Previously, it was only occasionally a reason for conflict: the man earned money, the woman ran the household. Now everything is different. A woman can earn more than a man, and the latter can easily try on the role of a housewife. This reversal of roles leads to conflicts.
The one who earns more often believes that his other half is wasting money and making thoughtless purchases. At the same time, the second thinks that, on the contrary, he spends his earnings rationally. A situation occurs when spouses underestimate their true income. If suddenly a partner finds out about the existence of a “stash”, he feels deceived and betrayed.
How to resolve the conflict?
It doesn't matter what your income level is, but conflicts over money can be avoided. Psychologists advise using this technique. Divide your entire family income into three parts. You will use the first part for current expenses, for example, utility bills, loans, groceries. The second part will go to family savings. But let each spouse keep the third part for their favorite little things: lipstick for you, a sports bar for your husband. The size of the parts depends on the level of spending.
Unfortunately, family quarrels are an integral part of the life of any family. This is the reality. Social problems, everyday little things, misunderstanding, mistrust. There are a great many reasons. But when there are two of you in the family and there is no child yet, everything happens as in the old good proverb: “Darlings scold, they just amuse themselves”. Scandals are forgotten, the unpleasant aftertaste is washed away with kisses, and the happiness of husband and wife, which was so unsteady five minutes ago, again firmly stands on its feet. But if the same grunting and gurgling appeared in the family in the playpen there is a little fruit of love, a little man that neither of the parents can get enough of, you simply have to change your relationship. And it’s better for you to learn all the secrets of home economics so that there is more comfort and mutual understanding in the house. The opinion of moms and dads who think that family dramas do not bring any harm to the child, very wrongly. A child, no matter what age he is, hears and understands perfectly when his parents are making a fuss. And what older child, the more. And while he is small, he simply cannot explain this to you.
Here are some of the children's statements about quarrels:
“When dad scolds mom, I always cry” Ryspek, 3 years old
“Sometimes mom doesn’t love dad. And sometimes dad doesn't love mom. then it seems to me that they don’t love me.” Olezha, 2.5 years old
“I’m very afraid when mom and dad fight. And when they make up, I’m also afraid that they will start fighting again.” Artem, 4 years old
Scandals in the presence of a child cause irreparable harm his still fragile, developing psyche. Do you think it’s just that a baby starts crying when he hears his parents screaming? And the reason is not at all that he has been restless and sensitive since childhood; it’s just that a raised tone, loud unkind expressions addressed to each other make the baby feel helpless and anxious.”
Here simple examples how a child feels when parents argue in his presence(ascending)
1. While he is a newborn and learning to feel and understand, The baby feels fear. He already knows your stern voice towards himself. And during scandals, a stern voice becomes scary. The child shrinks, the instinct of self-preservation is triggered, and a feeling of self-guilt is formed for no apparent reason. Moreover, you can frighten the child to such an extent that he may develop a speech, hearing or nervous system defect.
2. Irritation is absorbed with mother's milk And. Quarrel or not, breastfeeding is an obligatory process. Do you think why the child sulks and cannot fall asleep? The negative emotions of the mother and the frayed nerves of the father, even at a distance, actively influence the child.
3. Then tension appears e. After all, he can’t just listen to how the two people closest to him shout at each other. Not only can he not understand the reasons for what is happening, but also loud voices make him shrink in anticipation of trouble.
4. Psychological imbalance. Again, due to the fact that the child does not know the reasons for the scandal, he begins to blame himself. He doesn’t understand the explanations that dad’s hands don’t grow from there, and that mom suddenly turned out to be a chicken. He doesn’t know about your problems and, trying to delve into them, gets confused, becoming even more scared.
5. As you age, your child begins to comprehend your scandals.. And if mom can do this, if dad can say this, then why can’t I? Understand that you are destroying not only kindness and good attitude to others, but also a future family man, who may turn out to be much tougher than his parents.
So what to do? Science has proven that you cannot keep overwhelming (even negative) emotions inside yourself. But is it really necessary to lose your voice until it becomes hoarse, shifting your duties and responsibilities to someone else? It is quite possible that your quarrels are related to some stressful situations, but there are many ways to deal with stress.
If yelling is the only thing that can balance your relationship, swear on the street, at a construction site, in the park, or when the child is not at home. Understand that you will find a compromise and settle the relationship, and the baby will remember the quarrel for a long time. And should he, very tiny and not knowledgeable of life, to witness your adult problems?
1. Don't yell at your spouse in front of your child or insult each other. If a quarrel suddenly arises, try to argue with each other in a normal conversation. And quickly send the baby for a walk.
2. Explain to your little one that mom and dad are not fighting, but simply expressing their point of view(of course, if it wasn't screaming). Every person can do this, and even he
3. Always show your baby how much you love him and each other.. This will smooth out the family scene he saw. Mom and dad should always remain friends.
4. When explaining to your child the cause of the conflict, do not go into detail.. He must be sure that everything is fine in his family
5. Don't involve your child in an argument. And, if it’s time for the baby to sleep, and he’s busy with dad in the garden, don’t make a big deal out of a mountain. Try to talk with your husband and, without the participation of the baby, mutually come to the same conclusion.
A child must grow up among loving parents , and not in a family where there are constant squabbles. The future of the child depends on your relationship. And the main thing is that mom and dad always be his friends and act in agreement with each other. Do not quarrel. And if this is necessary, please close the nursery doors.
Here is a review from a person who experienced moments of quarrels as a child:
“I’m already 30 years old, but I remember the scandals of my parents. They did not argue often, but loudly and for a long time. The reasons were different: both serious and trivial. And I was always scared. My dad was a strong, domineering and strict man. He loved me very much, and I loved him, but at such moments he scared me with his crazy burning eyes. Sometimes it seemed to me that he was going to hit my mother: But my mother herself screamed hysterically and broke the dishes. Dad told her: Stop yelling in front of your son! She shouted the same thing to him, but I just couldn’t understand - is it really impossible not to shout at all? Now I am already an adult. I have a family myself, a wonderful two-month-old son. Like everyone else, there are quarrels and scandals. I sometimes notice that I behave like my father once did. And the wife says. If you want to argue, let’s go to the bathroom.” She never raises her voice in front of the child. She never screams in front of him. They say scandals between parents in front of a child greatly affect his psyche.
Zhanat Magambetov
In many families, conflicts become too common. To achieve harmony in relationships with your loved ones, use effective conspiracies from quarrels and scandals.
When your loved ones quarrel, the atmosphere in the house becomes tense. Constant conflicts and lack of mutual understanding are very common problems in many families. In this case, some people turn to specialists for help. family psychology, but is this method always effective? Our ancestors did not have the opportunity to turn to psychologists and dealt with such difficulties with the help of proven rituals. The site team invites you to use effective conspiracies, which will help harmonize the energy at home and improve relationships between family members.
Energy causes of quarrels and conflicts in the family
Before you begin to carry out rituals against quarrels and scandals, you should understand the reason for their occurrence. If your loved ones constantly come home in a bad mood, and an attempt to talk to them ends in conflict, then there is reason to worry about the energy state of the household. There are several energetic reasons that cause family discord.
Bad aura at home. The energy background of your home affects the physical and mental state of your loved ones. Sometimes it is because of a bad aura that quarrels occur between household members. The reasons for the occurrence of negativity can be different: for example, the aura worsens if a seriously ill person has been in the house for a long time or a tragedy has previously occurred in your home. To neutralize unhealthy energy, get rid of old things, redecorate, and light incense every night. Create comfort around you, and then the relationship between your family will improve.
Damage or evil eye. Unfortunately, we are not protected from negative influence envious people. Some of them not only cannot be happy for others, but will do everything to disrupt the harmony in someone else's home. If objects unfamiliar to you suddenly began to appear in the house, and your loved ones began to get sick often, it means that your family has become a victim of a negative program. You can remove damage or the evil eye yourself at home.
Energy conflict. The incompatibility of your biofield and the biofield of another person can cause a conflict at the energy level. To solve it, try to get closer to the person with whom you have quarrels most often. If these are your parents, be more affectionate and frank with them. Try to treat children with understanding, do not scold them over trifles. Show attention and care to other family members. Breaking the energy barrier is not difficult, just be more open towards your loved ones.
Conspiracy against quarrels in the family
Very often, major scandals begin with small quarrels. If disagreements and misunderstandings arise between your loved ones, use conspiracies that will help you correct the situation.
Buy a white rose with wide petals from the store, then tear them off and hide them away from prying eyes. The moment your loved ones begin to quarrel, open the window and throw petals with the words:
“Wind-wind, I don’t want to disturb you, but I ask: take quarrels out of my house, calm down my loved ones. Don’t blow love and peace out of our home.”
Immediately after pronouncing the conspiracy, the quarrel should stop, and your loved ones should calm down. Say it every time there is a conflict between household members, and soon love and harmony will reign in your home.
Conspiracy against family scandals
Scandals in the family can destroy not only the relationships between family members, but also the energy background of your home. To improve relationships with loved ones, use an effective conspiracy.
You need to buy a package of refined sugar. In the morning, immediately after waking up, take one piece and say:
“I wish my family to live in friendship. So that there are fewer scandals in our home, and there is more love and understanding. Taste my sugar, forget about all the grievances.”
Crush the charmed sugar and sprinkle it on other pieces, which must first be placed in a common sugar bowl. Soon your loved ones will begin to quarrel much less often, and over time, scandals in your home will stop altogether.
Some representatives of the zodiac circle simply cannot live without conflicts, and it is advisable to contact them as little as possible. Astrologers have compiled a horoscope that will help determine the most scandalous Zodiac Sign. Let love and peace reign in your home,and don't forget to press the buttons and
First, everyone hears “darlings scold - they’re just having fun,” and then divorce occurs. Where is the moment when people move from love quarrels to serious battles that undermine the family vessel?
How to deal with quarrels in the family and achieve mutual understanding?
Sometimes a husband and wife get so carried away by the actual process of a quarrel that by the end they forget about its reasons. The next morning, the veil falls and a hangover sets in: you shouted at each other all night, blaming everyone on mortals, and the reason for this was milk forgotten in the store or being late for a holiday?
It seems that you don’t want to get a divorce, because in calm times you really love each other. But spending evenings in a state of cold war is difficult. What to do with family quarrels?
The only ways to avoid major family quarrels are either not to quarrel at all (that is, not even start!), or to give in to someone first, even before early stage madness.
Usually the responsibility for finding a compromise falls on the shoulders of women. This is understandable: women are wiser, it is easier for them to give in without damaging the thin skin of their own dignity.
Moreover, those ladies who manage to lead peaceful coexistence with their brutal other halves do not at all consider themselves weak and weak-willed. This is great strength - to endure, to give in, to submit, to smile... 
So that in the end everything turns out your way, but without quarrels. For this we need mental strength, so look for your own energy source. Communicate with children, be in nature, and be creative.
Men are, whatever one may say, males. They are quick to flare up, protect their pride, hate making excuses and asking for forgiveness. This is their little weakness, and clever woman will never be on this pain point dance. And even more so - nagging the poor fellow over trifles.
Let's figure out why peaceful families so often turn into a nerve-paralytic sawmill. The reason for this is dissatisfaction on both sides.
Yes, yes, a woman may think that she is the only one who is not satisfied, but as soon as a quarrel begins, they crawl out of the dark corners - mutual claims.
It turns out that since childhood he dreamed of becoming a poet, but she ruined his talent. And he forced her to move to the village and abandon her magnificent career. And so on, until a snowball forms, under the avalanche of which both will get stuck.
Quarrels in the family are a good thing as long as they are controlled. If both play by the rules and debate solely around the cause of the disagreement, arguing their position and listening to each other, then such debates will work to the advantage of both.
Expressing your opinion is important! But, you must admit, it is rare that a domestic squabble resembles an intelligent discussion, unless the spouses have three higher education degrees and the status of professors.
What to do with uncontrollable quarrels in the family
1) Find out the reason. Perhaps you have simply entered a time of crisis (for example, you recently gave birth to a child or moved to a new place). You need to wait it out without making sudden movements.
2) Chronic dissatisfaction needs to be treated... with satisfaction. Think about what drives you into nightly scandals. It's never too late to realize your dreams, and you shouldn't blame your spouse for your current life.
Ultimately, you are responsible for yourself. Look for ways out, talk. Do you want to play sports, do handicrafts or take courses? Look in your family budget for money for new hobbies.
3) Ladies love little things. And if you just chatted with a friend, and she told you how a distant friend of a colleague from the third floor “missed” her husband, who was running to his mistress during business lunches...
Here everything will unfold in full, and the husband can safely expect interrogation with passion after every dinner. Conclusion: slow down your self-indulgence and listen to your friends less .
4) If the reason is obviously stupid and empty, pass it over in silence. Spend the evening in silence, go to cheerful friends or get distracted by a movie. If you don't start rocking the boat now, the problem will be gone by morning.
5) Tactfulness and delicacy are needed even after ten years of marriage. Give each other freedom, don’t touch personal things, don’t follow, don’t check phones, don’t throw away other people’s old trinkets, don’t shout, respect your partner’s parents, don’t insult each other in public. 
6) Talk. Do not harbor doubts, fears and secret desires. The more understatement there is in a marriage, the more holes there are in it. It's about to come apart at the seams.
7) In earthly love, the egoistic principle takes precedence over tender feelings and reason. Sometimes you can't do it without outside help. Someone is being helped psychologist's advice, for some - a conversation with the priest and prayer. A marriage only becomes indestructible when stable mutual respect arises in it. By respecting your partner, you will never stoop to insults and shouting.
8) Blame the guilty. If your expectations were not met, think about what caused it. Think carefully, and not out of habit! A friend of mine complains once a week: “Life is a nightmare, I haven’t been fishing for five years... Ten years ago, nothing stopped me from sitting with a fishing rod!”
He blames his wife for everything, but she allows him to go fishing. I even gave my husband a new fishing rod and tackle set for his birthday. What prevents him from relaxing with his fishing rod is his intense work, systematically helping his brother build a house, children demanding daddy’s attention in the evenings, love of books and football on TV, and laziness to get up early.
It’s common to blame your neighbor for everything, but if you are honest, you will understand: in order to realize your desires, you need to get up, put aside ordinary things and go towards your goal. We force ourselves into the routine of everyday life and are too lazy to change anything!
Family life is the life stage that lovers strive for during a relationship. And so the wedding is played, an unforgettable romantic honeymoon is spent and this very family life begins, which, according to the young people, should be full of idylls. But, unfortunately, this is not entirely true. Some time passes, and quarrels begin in the family. And the biggest problem for young families during this period is the unwillingness to make concessions and admit guilt. Such mistakes are made due to inexperience, stupidity, youth, and often become the cause of divorce. Therefore, in order to prevent the collapse of the family union that you have been working towards for so long, it is necessary to take a number of measures not only to preserve it, but also to strengthen it. So, how should you behave if constant quarrels in family?
Causes of family quarrels - where to look for their origins?
In order to find a solution to the current problem, you first need to answer the question of why there are constant quarrels in the family. The reasons for quarrels in the family are very diverse.
- Everyday problems. " love boat crashed into everyday life” - it’s sad when Mayakovsky’s lines became a reality in your family. But this is a problem that absolutely all young families face. If previously the newlyweds lived separately, without depending on each other, now there are certain obligations to each other in everyday life. No matter how stupid it may sound, quarrels in the family can start over such little things as scattered things or unwashed cups.
- Financial question. Before the start of family life, the newlyweds lived separately and spent all their money only on themselves. Now it is necessary to decide who will manage family budget: husband, wife or together.
- Reality that doesn't match dreams. Before the wedding, the young couple knew each other only positive side: good character traits, impeccable appearance. But living together does not imply such a situation. When you are in an apartment every day with the same person, you begin to see his shortcomings, which you don’t always like and even irritate.
- Relationships with parents. Mothers-in-law and mothers-in-law are the heroines of jokes, but in real life they often play an important role in the family life of a young family. Parents begin to give advice regarding relationships, housekeeping, and raising children. This is not always pleasant, but if you do not listen to your parents, it is usually regarded as disrespect.
- Jealousy. Family relationships are still at the stage of romantic love, so any manifestation of attention to or from the outside is perceived very sharply. As a result, resentment and mistrust arise.
- Lack of attention. Before the wedding, your loved one gave flowers, called hundreds of times a day, arranged romantic dates. With marriage, this all ends instantly. As a rule, a young wife demands attention to herself, quarrels break out on this basis, and mutual reproaches begin.
- Children. With the birth of a child, a young mother has new responsibilities. A child requires a lot of attention and time. In addition, no one canceled household responsibilities. As a result, the wife gets tired both physically and emotionally, and the husband suffers from lack of attention and sex.
In addition, the causes of discord in family relationships may be drug addiction or alcoholism of one of the spouses, but this problem solved in a completely different way.
Consequences of family quarrels
Whatever the cause of family conflict, constant quarrels leave a certain imprint on family relationships. After several months of scandals in the house, the first consequences appear:
- spouses move away from each other;
- spouses have practically little heart-to-heart talk;
- there is a division of interests, everyone begins to live their own lives;
- disagreements with relatives may arise;
- insults and the use of physical force may begin;
- problems appear in intimate life.
As you can see, quarrels in the family disrupt harmony and harmony, and if a solution to the problem is not found, a compromise is not reached, then the family may simply fall apart.
How to behave if there are quarrels in the family?
So when the reason is constant family quarrels clarified, the time has come for decisions and actions. First of all, of course, it must pass big job on errors and eliminating them. You need to understand that scandals are an abnormal phenomenon in family life. This is a sign of disrespect and bad manners. And if there is a child in the family, then a scandalous life can serve as a bad example for him and affect his attitude towards family life in principle. And on the other hand, a scandal in the family should not cause separation and divorce. Problems of this nature are completely solvable, the main thing is the desire to find a compromise on both sides. So, how should you behave in constant quarrels?
First, sit down at the negotiating table. You need to wait until passions subside after another quarrel, emotions recede into the background, giving way to common sense, and talk. Both husband and wife must speak out, each separately, calmly explain who is not satisfied with what. It is important to listen without interrupting.
Secondly, come to an agreement. Having understood the cause of the quarrel, it is necessary to develop some kind of behavior plan. Distribute responsibilities around the house, resolve financial issues, promise each other to change something in themselves.
Third, put pride aside. Admitting your guilt or accepting the guilt of another is a real art. There is no need to be stubborn and beat yourself up. There is no need to issue ultimatums and threats. You just need to forgive.
How to avoid a quarrel
In Europe and the USA family conflicts resolved by a psychoanalyst or conflict specialist. The mentality of our people does not imply such a solution to the problem. Our people live by the principle that one should not wash dirty linen in public. Therefore, in case of family quarrels, you need to rely on yourself, your intelligence and wisdom.
When you see a conflict brewing, you can stop it in its infancy. The main thing is to stop in time and not let emotions win. You need to develop a line of behavior for yourself that you need to remember in the event of an impending quarrel.
- If your significant other starts a conflict, then you should not succumb to provocations, but remain silent. You can just go outside for an hour. During this time, your significant other will calm down and the conflict will be resolved. If you are the aggressor, then you need to learn to restrain yourself, your emotions, your language. It's a lot of work, but it costs your family.
- Problems and bad mood received at work cannot be brought home. Whatever happens at work, come home with good mood and a smile on your face.
- In conversations you need to maintain a positive tone. Be polite, do not raise your voice and in no case stoop to insults. You love each other, and offensive language will only humiliate your significant other and will remain in the memory for a long time.
- Don't remember past grievances. If you had a quarrel and made peace, there is no need to return to this conflict again.
- Omissions must be avoided. Only sincere heart-to-heart conversations, direct requests. Even if you have a complaint, it must be presented politely and kindly. Moreover, there is no need to accumulate resentment and irritation within yourself.
- Take more care of each other and show love. Even if it seems to you that your significant other is not paying enough attention, there is no need to reproach him. Show this attention, and after a while there will be a return.
Thus, we can conclude that the basis of a happy family life without quarrels is patience, friendliness, mutual understanding and love. To achieve complete idyll in a family, you need to work a lot on yourself, of course, it is difficult, but what a wonderful result - a family in which everyone loves and appreciates each other!
