Building relationships is hard. Saving a marriage is even harder. This article is about how a man who was once married and now divorced, at the cost of his marriage, learned to behave differently in relationships. And although his marriage could not be saved, he was able to learn from it and learned how to make his next marriage successful. What good is life if it can't teach you anything? We have prepared for you 10 rules on how not to behave in marriage. Perhaps some advice will help save your relationship.
Think beyond yourself
Choose your words carefully. Harsh, intemperate language destroys your marriage.
If you distance yourself from your spouse and hide your feelings, it will lead to misunderstandings between you. Be more open.
When talking about your spouse's parents or family members, be careful and restrained in your language. Even if they really aren't very good people.
Why do you need a spouse if you spend all your time staring at your phone? Please put it aside and take time for your loved one.
Don't move away from each other
Find an opportunity to put aside work and other activities and spend a quiet evening just the two of you. If you don't spend time like this sometimes, sooner or later you will grow apart.
Do you always have to be right? Constantly disagreeing with other people's opinions and arguing will lead to your spouse being unhappy.
Don't get into the habit of sleeping in different rooms or on different beds.
Frequent criticism causes dissatisfaction with each other. And grievances are not the best ally marital relations.
Don't forget to say and prove with your actions that you love your spouse, otherwise he will feel unhappy and unnecessary.
Accept your spouse for who he is. Whether he is loud, quirky, quiet or weird, don't try to change the person he is and who you have come to love.
All newlyweds are sure that their happiness will last forever. When they get married, they vow to love and respect each other, to be there in joy and sorrow. However, in order for the dream to become a reality, it is necessary to make some efforts. Here's what you need to do to ensure your relationship brings you happiness.
Confidence that there is “the right” person next to you
Some people are so afraid of disappointing their partners that they are forced to hide annoying misunderstandings from them. If you follow this pattern, your marriage will not last long. Ideally, if something happens to you, your spouse should be the first person you tell about it. 
Don't give in to temptations
If you are young and still want romance but have already found your destiny, think twice before playing a double game. Quality always beats quantity. 
Don't stop dating
A stamp in a passport does not mean the end of dates, flowers and confessions. But remember that any relationship is fragile, so you need to make some efforts to charm your soulmate again and again. Go to the gym, visit beauty salons, buy new clothes and make appointments for him under the moon. 
Be yourself
If you can't be yourself around this person, your relationship is doomed. 
Don't get complacent
When a man thinks that family and children tightly bind him to his wife, he stops paying attention to sweet gestures. Appreciate your happiness, start every morning by thanking fate for the opportunity to be with you. Give her a bouquet of flowers for no reason or take on some of the household chores. 
Honesty
If you want to experience true happiness, arm yourself with sincerity and honesty from the very beginning. This doesn't mean you need to give away all your secrets on the first date, but a lie can destroy everything you've built for so long. 
Talk about what you don't like
Sometimes spouses prefer to be in the cold war stage and remain silent for a whole week. But this strategy will not help solve pressing problems. Talking about what you're unhappy with may be awkward, but it will help you move on. 
Why should you get married?
Don't marry the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with. Marry the one without whom you cannot live a day. 
Ideal woman
The ideal woman is not one who can be “fitted” to certain standards, but one for whom you yourself want to change. 
Willingness to accept shortcomings
When people live together, they inevitably encounter each other's shortcomings and see what is hidden under the tip of the iceberg. Your ideal chosen one will be a person who is ready to tolerate all your antics and oddities. 
Willingness to go through difficulties
Some vows of newlyweds turn out to be nothing more than lofty words. If you are not ready to share the test of fire, water and copper pipes with your chosen one, it is too early for you to think about marriage. Know that your path to happiness will not be strewn only with roses, there will be many thorns. 
Support
Be supportive of your partner, but make sure it doesn't feel like a one-way street. If a man thinks that a woman is always right and that she deserves every whim, his chosen one is worth nothing. Her love must be sacrificial. 
Understanding the Differences
Your chosen one may have hobbies and habits that are not typical for you, be the complete opposite of you when it comes to temperament, or express love in his own way. His communication style cannot become a reason for disagreement and quarrels. Just accept it and strive to be respectful. When people know the difference between frustration and confrontational intentions, it helps avoid many conflict situations. 
Be understanding
Sometimes it is not enough to just listen and nod in response, it is not enough to try to give advice and even criticize. If another person is ready to pour out their soul to you, they hope that you will let the information they say through you and show understanding. 
Common interests
A great help for a long and lasting union is a commonality of interests. You will never be bored with someone with whom you share a passion for something. You will always have a reason for conversation, for casual communication, for the formation of common goals. And if you weren't exactly friends before you got married, common interests can spark a strong friendship. 
Set boundaries and stick to them
On the one hand, your chosen one may be a wonderful person worthy of love, but on the other, he is characterized by a desire for power and total control. You will be unhappy, feeling like a prisoner in a cage if you do not have personal time and personal space. 
A little humor
In romantic comedies good guys often seem to be extremely boring people. Strive to interest your chosen one. Tell a funny joke on the topic, laugh together at the strange behavior of your neighbor, dare to take some adventure. 
Pay attention to detail
Little cute things to do on a daily basis big difference V romantic relationships. You don't have to give each other expensive gifts and go on dates every weekend. This could be reminder notes taped to the bathroom mirror, a bouquet of wildflowers, or a box of her favorite chocolates. 
Don't let problems come between you
It’s easy for you to imagine how happy you are with each other when in the whole world there is no one except you. But will you still be as happy when you start raising children, combining work and part-time work, and dealing with everyday troubles? 
What is love?
Many people don't have a clear idea of what it means to love someone. And if you still view love as something magical and mythical created by Hollywood fairy tale writers, you will end up very disappointed. In reality, feelings are dressed in more mundane “clothes” and are measured by the degree of commitment.
Imagine a future together
Before you get married, take some time to imagine your future together. And if you want to love this person in 10 or 20 years, if you want to make some effort to maintain feelings, this means that you are ready to take the decisive step. 
Define your goals
Be honest with yourself and your desires. Don't expect time to put everything in its place and your partner to magically change for the sake of loving you. People pay too little attention to communication, especially if the conversation has to touch on uncomfortable issues. 
People see things differently
Know that each person may perceive a particular situation differently. You, too, can fall into the trap of consciousness, anticipating your partner’s actions and words. But this inevitably leads to disappointment. 
Don't strive to find the perfect partner
The search for an ideal partner usually leads to a decrease in self-esteem and the formation of an inferiority complex. Instead, strive to improve yourself, this will allow you to maintain your confidence and you will always be able to offer your significant other something in return. 
Don't take your partner for granted
After some time spent together, you will begin to take your partner for granted. Next, all couples inevitably undergo the test of irritation. Men don’t like their wives’ excessive spending, long preparations, and the desire to control or correct them. It's interesting that at first life together these and other habits are not considered as an irritant, since there is still chemistry between the spouses. You will have to pretend that you just started dating and all these minor little things don't bother you.
For some people, the realization of happiness comes like an accidental discovery. Usually a person is happy when he is in love. But in matters of the heart, nothing happens for nothing. For example, in order to experience family happiness, you have to work at it. Many people want to know the secrets happy marriage. At the same time, many believe that happiness in the family is either given or not given. Both are partly right. But in most cases, the saying “Our happiness is in our hands” is completely justified.
The Basics of Strong Family Bonds
A happy marriage does not appear out of nowhere. Even in cases where people fall in love at first sight, they will have to show maximum tolerance in the family in order to make the happiness of the lovers into family happiness. When the Mendelssohn march plays, the bride and groom say “we agree,” and the couple unites in a magical kiss, people think that they are already happy. But sad statistics show that approximately 43% of marriages end in divorce. It is impossible to create a prosperous family alone passionate desires, high feelings and with gentle words.
to contentsIn order not to experience the bitterness of the collapse of fairy-tale dreams, in order to achieve the bright goal of a successful marriage, you need to work hard and painstakingly improve relationships in the family.
Communicate more sincerely with each other. Openness in relationships is very important, especially during a period when family affairs are not going well. in the best possible way. After all, there are many things that can directly or indirectly affect family relationships - friends, hobbies, work, education, religion, relatives. If you cannot spend time together, or disagreements arise over finances, it is very important to talk directly about the reason for your debate and possible ways to eliminate this reason.- Another secret to a happy marriage is creating your own family rituals and traditions. Almost all couples who call their marriage happy talk about family rituals. It doesn’t matter what it is: a candle on the table, lit at a festive family dinner, going to a cafe once a month, traveling with the whole family, or dates in places that are significant to you in your city. Or maybe a special touch that means “I love you.” Someday in the future, these rituals will become the best part of your and your children's memories.
- Know how to listen. After all, oddly enough, people are more polite with strangers than with your loved ones. Is your spouse trying to talk to you? Don't interrupt. Listen politely and tactfully, no matter how busy you are. Listen as politely as you would your boss. After all, decency and patience are integral parts of a happy marriage.
- Spending time alone with your loved one will help you renew the feelings that made you fall in love with each other. It doesn't matter where exactly you spend your time - in a luxurious restaurant or in a cinema with inexpensive places for kissing. Time dedicated to each other - essential component happy marriage. Remember this!
Solve your money problem! It's amazing how many marriages break up because of money. Or because of their absence - it doesn’t matter. The important thing is that many couples simply do not discuss serious money issues, living for today and not thinking about tomorrow. Discuss each of you's preferences regarding money. Agree how you will pay large sums who will manage family budget and maintain family accounting. What? Do you think that accounting is necessary only for reporting to your superiors? Nothing like this. All people who have achieved a lot in life analyze their income and expenses. Remember that the issue of money can cause many major and minor disagreements between husband and wife. And I wouldn’t want your happy marriage to fail because of money.- Respect each other. There are a few simple rules for those who want to make their marriage happy. First of all, never go to bed in a bad mood. Say “thank you” and “please.” Kiss daily and say “I love you.” Congratulate each other as often as possible (it doesn’t matter with what, even Happy Energy Engineer’s Day - you’re energetic, or Happy Builder’s Day - you’re both building happy family).
- Don't break your agreement. And the agreement of all spouses who are in a happy marriage is: “Family is above all.” Do not sacrifice the interests of your family for the sake of your career, entertainment, or hobbies.
- Maintain a relationship with your spouse's family. You both owe a lot to your parents. Not according to the law of the country (at the age of 18 a person is legally independent and has the right to completely separate from the family), but according to the law of conscience. “Honor your father and your mother,” says the Bible. But in the same book it is written that when a person starts a family, his devotion belongs first of all to his spouse: “A man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife.” Maintaining a relationship with your parents does not mean running to them for advice in a relatively simple everyday situation, much less complaining about your spouse. The correct attitude towards relatives is to visit them from time to time, choosing activities that are interesting to everyone. And spend as much time with your husband’s parents as with your wife’s relatives. It is imperative for a married couple who wants to be happy to take into account the feelings and needs of their parents. But at the same time, the family must maintain independence.
- When relatives visit you, try to be polite to them. Make your parents' visit to you enjoyable and make them feel at home. Even if you have already grown up, for your parents you still remain children. And adult children need to remember that their parents will not always be with them. Therefore, you should enjoy their company while you can.
The area of personal differences should be minimized. Cliff Albirton, explorer family relations, by the area of personal differences he understands the challenging behavior of spouses and differences in personal habits, differences in attitudes and temperament. Violation of norms and rules accepted in society is defiant behavior. It can irritate your spouse so much that you have to forget about a happy marriage. Personal habits (banal throwing socks around the apartment or a table that has not been wiped down after dinner) can also become a strong irritant. Psychologists say that 28% of marriages break up precisely because of personal disagreements. One spouse is pedantic, the other is sloppy. One loves hard rock, the other – classical music. What to do in this case? This is why there is the so-called “candy-bouquet period”. It is necessary for people to get to know each other better and make a conscious decision to marry.- Do not try to change anything in your spouse; the only person in the marriage whom you can improve endlessly is yourself. Lifestyle is understood as the totality of all a person’s habits. Where does he go? How do you feel about smoking and alcohol? Doesn't he use drugs? What are your hobbies? The more you have in common, the easier you will adapt to each other, the more more likely that your marriage will be happy. The value system of each of you is also very important. If he values the same qualities in people as you do, your marriage has every chance of being happy.
Greetings to readers of the blog Family and Children! Surely you will agree, although marriage is the oldest institution of mankind, today an increasing number of people remain unhappy in it. Against the backdrop of the decline in marital relationships, many are interested in how to be happy in marriage? Can he be happy, ideal for me? What tips or secrets can you use to create such a marriage? Perhaps you are also concerned about similar questions? Then you have come to the right place, because believe me, we have something to tell you.
Of course, there have been sad, scary times in our marriage and there will be more, but I am absolutely sure that we will overcome them successfully. Because we use reliable, proven methods that help make a marriage strong and reliable. What helped, is helping us? Read below and very carefully!
We always talk about the problem, grievances, hurt feelings.
Agree, it is better to discuss problems than to remain silent, pretending that nothing happened. Therefore, when problems arise, we try to understand what led to the misunderstanding or resentment, in order to avoid hurting each other’s feelings in the future. We understand that sometimes each of us can be unrestrained, so it is important to talk about the problem and not rely on telepathy. Such a struggle for happiness in marriage is practical, useful and right!
Wishing good night as an act of reconciliation.
We never go to bed without mutually wishing “good night” and saying “I love you.” We made it a rule: first reconcile, resolve the grievance, stop being mutually angry, and then just go to bed.
Praise and apology are an integral tool of relationships .
Mutual praise, hugs, apologies and thanks are the key to a happy marriage. In our marriage, we adhere to the principle: even when angry, beware of shouting or using foul language at your marriage partner. Following this principle has a good effect on our health and keeps our stress levels normal.
We practice showing gratitude daily.
For example, we thank each other for what we have, remembering that a simple word “thank you” inspires. Is it difficult to say thank you to each other? No! And how much this word can do. A kind of grounding of our marriage so that it is not killed by the current of selfishness and ingratitude.
A happy, successful marriage involves giving a lot and taking a little.
We like to give each other more time, attention and effort! This helps and gives strength to consciously work on oneself, one’s ego, so that the marriage partner feels good and comfortable in the marriage union (the key words here are “comfortable, good”).
We enjoy each other's company.
Another secret that helps to be happy in any marriage is to be able to put aside your gadgets and enjoy each other's company. For example, snuggling together to watch a movie or chat. You need to find time to study listen and hear what the marriage partner says.
Sometimes you can just have fun, for example, by having a pillow fight. The ability to defuse a dangerous atmosphere with tomfoolery is an excellent opportunity to preserve a good relationship married. Believe me, enjoying the company of your life partner is awesome!
We have a great time developing a realistic view of each other.
My wife and I strive to develop it in the things we do, without expecting perfection from imperfect people. We are sure that the earth will still rotate around its axis if we only managed to do half the work. If my wife didn’t have time to clean up, the food for dinner burned, or I delay the repairs, it’s not fatal.
We realized that we will be happy in the family when we learn to identify best qualities each other. Therefore, we focus our attention not on mutual shortcomings, but on strengths that are imperfect, but always ideal for us. (By the way, read).
We don't try to forcefully change each other.
We help one another change in better side. What used to mutually irritate us now causes a smile, even bewilderment, “how could you be irritated by such trifles”? Because we know that there are more important things in life - mutual understanding, love, personal preferences, respect. Now our relations have acquired a new level - better, deeper.
We work together.
My wife and I have learned one truth - joint work brings closer. When we work together, learning to see the quality and result of the work done, our love and marriage are not covered with a layer of dust.
A happy marriage requires effort to become friends.
We build our relationships on trust, perseverance and hard work. Therefore, my wife and I are working together on the quality of our relationship. We constantly learn to appreciate each other's company. We always say that we would not like to attend funeral speech for a deceased marriage. When friends will say how much they valued our family, but it’s a pity that it broke up.
Marriage will not be able to hear eulogies from the grave (divorce). He will gradually die if he loses mutual trust and stops persistently “plowing” to strengthen it.
We value and respect each other's work and interests.
Our taste in music, food and many other areas is different. However, we enjoy diversity while celebrating our achievements and talents. Subsequently, we were able to discover a lot of common interests and outlooks on life. It helped us use our differences to create unity and happiness.
We develop correct view for life.
Life is full of pitfalls, potholes, hidden pits. Accepting this fact, we continue to move forward. We understand that no matter how hard you try, there will be “falls”, but you will be able to make a happy marriage when you learn to rise after the falls.
We learned to appreciate the little things.
A recently washed bathroom floor, a new bedspread, a favorite pie - these may seem like small things, but it’s the little things that build lasting relationships. Therefore, we learn to notice and appreciate such little things, without taking them for granted. Life is a crazy cycle, which is why it’s not easy to pay attention to the little things, but it’s worth learning. Then believe me, some things done by a husband/wife become not just a duty, but a manifestation of attention and care for each other.
We refrain from mutual accusations and do not keep track of grievances.
Why count who was first and how many times he offended whom? It's a "lousy thing" for a marriage to do that. It doesn't matter who initiated it. It is important to learn to stop in a timely manner. Our motto is “WE”, not “YOU”.
We develop right attitude to relatives.
Some time after getting married, we came to understand that marriage is a union between two people, and not two families. We love our families: relatives, parents, brothers, sisters, but we will not allow them to influence our relationships in the family. We like to spend time in family circle together with relatives, but only when we have time and desire.
This helped us avoid common family conflicts about relatives. We have established for ourselves " taboo" to blame and compare each other with their relatives. For example: “you are like your mother; You look like your daddy."
Our sense of humor.
This is an important detail, so I saved it for the finale. No matter what difficulties come our way, we do not lose heart. We turn many problems into jokes. Even if one of us “got crazy”, this is a reason for mutual jokes and good-natured teasing. Both my wife and I know this is a joke! Therefore, life in our marriage does not seem boring and sad to us.
Is there a formula for a perfect marriage?
Are you looking for the formula for a perfect marriage? I think that in reality such a formula does not exist. But there are tips on what a couple can do to make their marriage perfect for them.
Definition of an ideal marriage
A marriage that has all the necessary desirable qualities for a couple to satisfy each other's needs as best as possible is considered ideal. And any marriage union can become this.
Needless to say, much more is needed than right choice life partner, age, education or wealth. You need not only love, but also similar goals, life values, the ability to communicate, resolve conflicts, and be an honest, sensitive and faithful person. It takes desire, hard work, effort and tremendous patience. Only then is it possible to create an ideal marriage.
Conclusion
Many books, online pages and many films have been made about happy, ideal marriages. People are ready to watch, read, and dream about such relationships with emotion, while continuing to remain unhappy in their marriage. But there is another option - do not become obsessed with finding a formula for how to be happy in marriage, but focus on what you can do to become happy. Knowing what to work on, having a good example before you, making a focused effort to achieve happy relationship, any marriage can become happy.
Sincerely, Andronik Oleg, Anna!
Watch a short video that talks about the secrets of a happy marriage.
