From letters to Samprosvetbyulleten: “The man’s behavior worries me. He treats my cat rather rudely. At first in words, then he began to throw her off the sofa and tries to kick her when she passes by,” writes Marina.
“What behavior in a man indicates that he may be aggressive in the future? The young man got angry that I didn’t want to do as he had planned and threw the car keys on the floor with all my might...” writes Anastasia.
“...having gone through bad experiences in the past, now I’m afraid of making mistakes. “to be sure that he will not raise his hand against me,”- Olga asks.
Aggressive behavior of a man
In my work I often come across the phenomenon that women, observing the first manifestations aggressive behavior on the part of the man, they do not attach any significance to what happened. But a man’s behavior does not arise out of nowhere and has its own causes and consequences.
Women who came to me about problems of aggression and violence on the part of their husbands recognized that the man showed signs of aggression before marriage, but they did not pay attention or did not understand what consequences such behavior could lead to. According to my observations, women who were previously married to an alcoholic husband and were subjected to violence and humiliation, and who have developed the attitude “as long as I don’t drink,” are especially vulnerable. Having met a man who is socially more successful and not susceptible to alcoholism, they are more tolerant of his shortcomings, which at first seem insignificant.
According to American researchers, severe aggression and violence occur in 1 out of 14 marriages. Women show aggression mainly in self-defense or when they are forced to do something. Men use aggression to get their way.
Aggression can be open or hidden
Open aggression can manifest itself:
In physical form: blows, attacks, pushes.
In communication: offensive words, nicknames, ironic statements.
In facial expressions and movements: offensive gestures, contemptuous grimace.
In cruelty to children and animals, breaking dishes and other objects.
Hidden aggression can manifest itself:
In actions that emphasize that the interlocutor is not noticed.
In communication: slander, slander; words that cause guilt, ignoring questions.
In facial expressions and movements: avoidance of direct gaze, gloomy facial expression in response to a smile.
Aggression is a sign of limited and one-sided developed personality, insufficiently developed skills for dealing with anger. Often men prone to aggression are depressed, may have personality disorders, irrational thoughts and negative attitudes, have low self-esteem and a strong desire for power.
Even if a person does not show aggression overtly, it colors his speech, thoughts and actions. Therefore, a man capable of aggression and violence can be identified at the dating stage. Even if you meet through, you can recognize the signs of an aggressive man at the stage.
Signs of behavior in a man prone to aggression
- Increased sensitivity and impatience if something does not happen as expected. In this case, a person very easily gets offended or loses his temper.
- Constantly assures you of something and makes promises: "I swear honestly, I’m not exaggerating, I’m telling the truth, I promise.”
- Often gives you and other people definitions and diagnoses: “You only need money,” “my ex was hysterical.”
- Uses threats: “If you don’t do this, then I will do this...”.
- He often makes sarcastic jokes, uses ridicule, ironic statements, and is generally inclined to be sarcastic.
- Likes to gossip, retelling negative information.
- Conducts a dialogue with himself, asks you questions and answers them himself.
- Uses exaggeration and understatement in speech.
- Tends to control: “Why didn’t you answer the SMS right away?”
- Blames other people for his problems.
- Jealous and suspicious without reason.
- Quick to get closer and get married. Research has shown that many men who used domestic violence entered into marriages quickly, impulsively and under the influence of intense romantic infatuation.
- Alcohol and drug abuse.
- There was violence in the parents' family.
Pickiness in dating right choice men are the guarantee happy relationship in future. We always have only those relationships that we choose ourselves. Read about which women attract men who are prone to violence and how to behave with such men.
Good luck to you and see you soon on the pages of Samprosvetbyulleten!
It is very important to trust your instincts at the initial stage of a relationship, because most often an aggressive man shows his true essence when he is already sure that the woman will not run away from him.
What is the behavior of an aggressive man? How on early stages romantic relationships recognize him? What signs in behavior indicate a person’s tendency to aggression and violence?
Every woman should know the answers to these questions so that it is not too late to find out who a man really is and end the relationship sooner rather than later.
Signs of a man prone to aggression
- He is unreasonably jealous and suspicious
Jealousy is not always a sign of love, more often a sign of the presence of complexes and emotional instability. A self-confident man, even if he is jealous, will not create scenes and scandals when the guy at the next table just looks at you.
- Likes to control his woman
He wants to know everything about you, especially where and with whom you spent every minute of your day. He doesn't like it when you meet with colleagues after work, he reads your SMS, tries to participate in every area of your life. For example, he may insist on picking you up from work even if you don't want to.
- He doesn't respect his woman
He does not respect any woman in the world and will not treat his own differently - this is the reality. He doesn’t listen to her and demonstratively ignores her opinion. Double standards are also a sure sign of aggressiveness. If he treats his woman well and treats others poorly, this means that sooner or later he will show his essence.
- Easily loses his temper over small things
An overly irritable man who has poor self-control may also behave with his woman, but not immediately, but as soon as he feels comfortable in her environment, when he understands that she belongs to him, that she is in love with him, for example, or has become his wife.
- Often uses exaggeration in speech
This indicates a tendency to extremes in a person's character. For people like him, everything is either black or white (and more often than not, black), there is no such thing as gray. He doesn’t know what compromise is, he doesn’t know how to negotiate or listen to other people.
- Prefers fast development relations
Numerous studies have shown that aggressive men are more likely to favor rapid development of relationships. They don’t want to wait, the woman must belong to him as soon as possible, because only in this way will he be able to control her and dictate his rules to her. Women often complain that men are slow to propose marriage, but when he does it too early, it's a good reason to think and analyze your relationship. It happens that this is really love, but if he also shows other signs described in this article, then there is no need to rush.
- Tries to limit your communication with family and friends
He wants his woman only for himself and as the relationship develops, he shows more and more hostility when the woman communicates with other people from her environment. When the relationship becomes serious, or after the wedding, he simply forbids her such contacts.
- Mood often changes radically
Mood changes for all of us, but only in a psychologically unstable person can it change abruptly, often for no apparent reason.
- Uses threats and blackmail to control
“If you don’t do this, then I will...”, a common phrase that sounds from the lips of an aggressive man. He loves for everything to always be exactly the way he wants, although he may not apply physical violence, psychological aggression is no less terrible.
- Blames others for his problems
For him, everyone is to blame, but not himself. He is perfect and always does everything right. As time passes, he begins to shift more and more blame onto his woman, he makes her feel bad, often humiliates and infringes on her self-respect. This is a method of control using psychological aggression.
- He has a negative attitude towards women
He often scolds his ex-wives or girlfriends, says nasty things about them and generally considers women “venal” or uses other unflattering words, this means that he already has a certain image of women in his head, and the chance that he really considers you different is minimal. Most likely, he hopes that he will limit and “train” you so that you fit his idea of the right woman.
- He is aggressive towards animals and children
A person who can show violence towards defenseless creatures will not refrain from showing the same attitude towards his woman in the future. If he allows aggression towards the defenseless, you need to urgently run away from such a man and as far as possible.
- He is rude and disrespectful to others
If a man behaves well with his woman, but at the same time treats others poorly, this is sure sign aggressiveness, because at the beginning of the relationship he will not show his real essence to his woman, but with others he behaves as he is used to. Pay special attention to how he treats the service personnel of various establishments, be it a hotel or a restaurant.
An aggressive man believes that if he has paid something for something, then he can behave as he wants. He has the same attitude towards women; if he spent some of his money on her, he often already considers her his property.
Of course, you can sympathize with such people, because most often such behavior is the result of psychological trauma in childhood, growing up in a family with the same aggressive father, but this does not mean that you can somehow help him. Here you need the help of a professional psychologist, and there is no need to selflessly try to somehow survive in a relationship with an aggressive man because “he feels bad.” This is a mistake many women make. Be smarter and more selective in relationships.
Once again I want to turn to our lovely ladies and discuss the issue of aggressive behavior of men. For what? On the one hand, things have already boiled over, and I have long wanted to speak on this topic. On the other hand, day after day I am convinced that girls do not understand one obvious truth, moreover, the truth on which their own happiness depends.
What do I mean by an aggressive man and by aggressive male behavior? In general, the same as many of my compatriots. In our Western world, imbued with tolerance and diplomacy, everything is considered aggression, from open physical conflict to... persistent defense of one’s own interests. And, naturally, all this is “bad”. We were taught from childhood that well-mannered boys They are never rude to elders, are not rude to teachers, do not offend girls, do not fight with boys. As a last resort, they give back. Therefore, a manifestation of aggression is considered in bad taste. And that’s why we have more than one generation of weakened, infantile and irresponsible men. But that’s not what we’re talking about now... The point is that in certain situations boys should show aggression, but they are taught not to do this under any circumstances.
As a result, guys with a “little animal”, rare in our time, who have retained the ability to be aggressive, Every now and then they hear perplexed exclamations from their women: “Sasha, why are you using force?” or “Seryozha, why are you angry with me and shouting when I...?” or “I’m already afraid of you! I have a feeling that you’re about to tear me to pieces…” - and that’s the right feeling :))) And finally, an example of a phrase that floored me. She referred to the manifestation (quite fair) of a man’s aggression towards another man, which the girl witnessed. As a result, something like “I don’t like your aggression, I don’t want an aggressive man next to me” came out of the girl’s mouth.
Dear, sweet, beautiful, beautiful and inspiring women to our deeds and life in general! I love you very much, respect and admire your femininity... But! I am forced to admit that many of you tend to live by the principle “eat the fish and keep the sheep safe.” Of course, not only women live this way, and not all women do, and not always. But if you do not accept his aggression in a man, you are already trying to eat that same fish...
Enough preamble, let's get to the bottom of this. First, we will discuss the manifestation of aggression by a man in general, and then towards a woman.
You feel protected next to a real man
Many women answer the question “who is for you? a real man“They answer: “the one with whom I feel protected.” Absolutely, fair. Here is mine male gaze completely coincides with the female one. It is clear that this is not the only thing that determines a man’s “realness,” but it is one of the main indicators.
Let’s discard religious “superstitions” and esoteric pseudoscience and turn to Darwinian evolutionists and ethologists. According to the concept of evolution, the way of life of the primitive human pack was forced to be like this: women and children were in a safe and “well-fed” place, and men “at the front” protected this place from enemies, predators, and also provided families with food and other necessary resources.
Hence the instinctive need for a man with whom “you feel protected and relaxed.”
The defender is dangerous and aggressive
So, the basic natural functionality of a man is to ensure the safety of a woman. This is why you feel protected next to a real man; a real man simply radiates it. Now let’s ask ourselves the following questions: who is capable of ensuring security? What qualities does a man need to have in order to provide her? It's probably already clear what I'm getting at.
Only a person who is capable of being DANGEROUS can ensure safety.
I hope this is obvious and won't go into detail here. Go ahead. The danger is created, firstly, by armament. This can be literal armament - the presence of a pistol, knife or other means of self-defense, or a person himself can be a weapon - possess hand-to-hand combat skills. Secondly, being armed, a person must be ready to use this weapon. In other words, a man must be mentally ready to show aggression, and for this he must initially be aggressive. I would like to emphasize that an aggressive man is not the one who constantly tears and rushes, but the one who sometimes, on the right occasion, can manifest it, “turn it on.” Let us remember the famous image of the king of beasts - the lion. There is no doubt that this animal is aggressive. But manifestations of aggression on his part can be seen quite rarely. Most of the time, the Leo is calm and displays aggression based on the principle of reasonable sufficiency.
A man’s ability to show aggression is akin to knowing a foreign language.. A Russian person lives among Russians, works in a Russian company, communicates in Russian. But suddenly a foreigner approached him on the street with a request to show him the way to... And the Russian answers in English, since he taught it both at school and at the institute. The ability to speak English is one of the skills that is used for its intended purpose in a certain situation, and this does not mean at all that a person trains his “English” day and night. The manifestation of aggression is similar, only its manifestation is an innate ability, and a foreign language is an acquired one. But the very fact of having the ability is important, because its absence makes a male defender defenseless in certain life situations.
So, girls, if a man is not able to show aggression, he will not be able to protect himself, nor you, nor your children, nor the Motherland.
Once on a forum on the Internet I saw such a laconic comment on this matter:
A man without aggression is a dead-end branch of evolution.
Well, I have nothing to add :))
Aggression has many manifestations, it can be controlled and uncontrollable, destructive and healthy, direct and indirect, internal and external, verbal and physical, etc. Psychologists note the duality of aggression: it is both a negative, destructive manifestation of a person, and a central function of the individual, aimed at adapting to living conditions.
I’m talking about the second option, I’ll repeat it in big bold letters:
AGGRESSION IS THE CENTRAL FUNCTION OF THE PERSONALITY, AIMED AT ADAPTING TO LIFE CONDITIONS.
I mean a controlled and dosed manifestation of aggression (initially, verbal and, in extreme cases, physical) in conflict situations, aimed at PROTECTING life, health, property or defending one’s rights, maintaining the independence and autonomy of one’s personality. If you are interested in this topic, if your educators have taught you since childhood that aggression is bad and shameful, I recommend reading a book that has two versions of the title: “Aggression” or “So-Called Evil,” by Konrad Lorenz.
Spouse aggression: how to avoid?
Aggression is destructive human behavior that causes direct harm to the object of aggression, expressed in psychological discomfort and physical damage, and contrary to the norms of human interaction.
Aggression in family life- a very common problem, which not only destroys marriages, but also deals a serious blow to the mental health of the spouses, sometimes to the point that a person begins to be afraid of individuals of the opposite sex or feel hatred towards them. It is no secret that women and children suffer the most from violence in the family, being the object of violence by the man, the head of the family. According to statistics, every fifth married woman is regularly beaten by her husband, but what is most disappointing is that 35-40% of all violent crimes occur in families, which once again confirms the relevance of the topic of this article.
Many women who are subject to aggression from their spouse cannot understand what to do next, what to do. Some try to rid their spouse of aggressive behavior by talking or visiting a psychologist. In order to determine the reasons for a spouse’s aggressive behavior, it is necessary, first of all, to understand which type of aggressor the spouse belongs to. So, the spouse can be:
1. Flayer. Outwardly an ideal family man, he always takes initiative at work, is often the “life of the party,” and takes care of his appearance, in front of people around him, he is always sweet and kind. Those wives whose husband belongs to this type are often even envied, saying “What a wonderful husband you have!” However, when this “wonderful husband” returns home, he ceases to be so wonderful, and can hit his wife for any reason, believing that the wife herself is to blame for this (perhaps this is true - she is to blame for marrying such a flayer ).
2. Despot. One of the most dangerous types of family tyrant. In the house, the despot feels like a full-fledged owner and considers it possible to use brute force against his wife without any reason (so, as a precaution, so that the wife knows her place). The wife of a despot is afraid to tell anyone about the violence that is happening in their family, since she is afraid of the despot, it is very difficult to predict how far he is ready to go in displaying his aggression. Often beatings occur in a state of severe alcoholic intoxication, when a despot brings a group of friends into the house, beats his wife if she does not do as he wants, and in the morning does not even consider it necessary to apologize, saying that this happened - this is life.
3. Loser. As a rule, such a person has low self-esteem; he has not realized himself in life as he planned. Therefore, he prefers to take out all his anger and aggression, accumulated as a result of life’s failures. weak woman. He often drinks; it is when he is intoxicated that he is most dangerous. He is always dissatisfied with life, believes that society has treated him unfairly, and, of course, his wife and children are to blame for all his failures, but not himself.
4. Rebel. The least dangerous type of aggressor, but not while intoxicated. IN ordinary life he loves his wife and children, takes care of them, helps with household chores, but if he is on edge, he is capable of pushing his wife and hitting her. While intoxicated, he is capable of completely losing control over his actions and attacking his wife with his fists. However, unlike a despot, in the morning he always apologizes to his wife, claims that this will not happen again, nevertheless, the manifestation of aggression can be repeated more than once.
The most dangerous stage of aggression occurs when children become the object of this aggression. What should a woman do in such cases?
Well, firstly, you should realize that if a spouse showed aggression once, all his persuasion that this will not happen again or that this was the last time is 99% a lie, because the mechanism of aggression has already been launched, and the spouse will show aggression again and again. There are extremely rare cases when the aggressor went into an internal conversation with himself and convinced himself never to show aggression again, since the family is the most valuable thing in a person’s life, and children should not see their father like this, because they take an example from him, etc. .d. Most often, the spouse is not able to cope with the manifestation of aggression without the help of other people and a psychologist. But you need to take into account that if the problem of your spouse’s aggressive behavior is obvious to you, it is not so obvious to him, so be prepared to categorically refuse the help of a psychologist.
Secondly, don’t be patient. Many women peacefully endure the humiliation of their spouse, hoping that he will “come to his senses.” Everything will happen exactly the opposite - your spouse will see that you are calm about his attacks, and will consider that this is acceptable. Tolerate and do nothing is the worst decision a woman can make (the only worse thing is to eliminate her spouse, but that’s not the topic of conversation).
Thirdly, if you have children, think about them first. If children see all this horror, they may be left with psychological trauma for the rest of their lives. Is this really what you want? Or do you think that in the next attack of aggression, the husband is thinking about this? No matter how it is, the only thing he thinks about is how to show his strength, his power, and it doesn’t matter at all who is in front of him.
Fourthly - if you see that further life with the aggressor is impossible, that you have tried all possible methods of treatment, and consultations with a psychologist do not bring results - get a divorce. Many women immediately feel panicky at the thought of divorce, since not all of them work, and therefore do not know how they will provide for themselves and their children. In fact, divorce is sometimes the only way out of the situation, and it is better to break off the relationship than to endure constant humiliation.
Let's figure it out what keeps women from getting divorced?, even when the solution seems obvious.
A) Economic dependence on a spouse. The husband is the only breadwinner in the family, and therefore the woman cannot imagine how she will support her children alone. IN in this case a woman must either find a job or ask relatives to support her (help financially, with housing, etc.). Remember that the abusive spouse is well aware of your economic dependence, otherwise he would be afraid that you would leave and would not act so aggressively towards you.
B) Fear that the spouse will be even more willing to use aggression. A woman is afraid that if she leaves her husband, he will find her and cause even more pain (even murder), and therefore she has to live with a man, even when she has no patience left. In fact, whether you stay or leave, the situation with aggression will not change. It is much better to leave and hide somewhere where your spouse cannot find you, this is the only way you can protect yourself from the growing aggression.
C) Satisfaction with the current situation. It also happens that a woman is happy with her husband’s aggression, because then she plays the role of a victim, whom everyone pities and sympathizes with, as if she were so good, takes care of her family, and her husband is an aggressor, does not value anything and beats her. A woman is sometimes afraid to admit to herself that the role of the victim suits her, let alone to others, but this is so. There is only one way out - stop playing the role of the victim and understand that there is something to value you for besides the fact that you tolerate all this aggression. If you don't think about yourself, think about your children.
D) “Hitting means loving.” Some women deceive themselves, believing that since a man beats them, it means he is not indifferent to them, he is jealous of them, and being jealous means he loves them. Such women experience such a serious lack of care from their husbands that they are ready to even consider beatings as this care. In this case, a woman should understand that the manifestation of love should be completely different, that it is expressed in compliments, help, affection, but it is never manifested with the help of fists.
D) Fear of loneliness. In this case, the woman is simply afraid to be left alone, that no one will love her anymore, thinking that it would be better to have an aggressor husband than not to have one at all. In fact, most women who left an aggressor spouse soon found their happiness with another man, since when they left, they psychologically acquired freedom of action, became more independent, and a man worthy of them often found them himself. Therefore, there is no need to invent anything and paint disappointing pictures in your mind, because it is far from a fact that your worst fears will ever become a reality, but rather, on the contrary, they will never come true.
E) The belief that the spouse will change in better side. The woman thinks like this: “Well, he used to be so caring and gentle, surely this aggression will soon pass and everything will be as before.” However, years pass, and the time for change still does not come. And it will never come until the man himself wants to change. And while you patiently endure the beatings and wait for your spouse to deign to change, he will enjoy his behavior, since he will not encounter any resistance, which means that such behavior suits both parties. Only your response to aggression can change anything. If a man once again shows aggression, leave, not forever, but for a while (unless this aggression is permanent), and then the man will think that he was wrong in using aggression towards you. However, your quick return home will again set the man up for aggression. It is important here that your return is not easy for your husband, that he looks for you himself, and only after finding you, takes all possible actions to persuade you to return to him.
What can help a woman avoid male aggression? Of course, the main problem of aggression lies in the man, and therefore it is advisable, if a man is not able to defeat aggression on his own, to visit family psychologist. If all else fails, then it is better for the woman to leave the man. Forever or for a certain period - it's up to you.
However, one should not assume that male aggression depends solely on the man - the role of a woman in it is also great, and if, after another beating, you simply complain to other people about what an aggressor your spouse is and that he does not want to change, there will be no progress . On the contrary, if your spouse finds out that you are complaining about him to your friends, aggressive behavior towards you and your children will become more frequent.
Therefore, advice to women how to get away from male violence:
1. Think about your health. Very often a woman dissolves in her husband, thinks that he should feel good, but completely forgets about herself. Therefore, constant male aggression seriously undermines a woman’s physical and, above all, mental health. As a result, a woman can endure beatings and aggression for many years, but the result is the same - a broken marriage. But unlike when a woman leaves immediately, in this case she gets neurosis, frequent nervous breakdowns, depression, etc. As a result, it is more difficult for her to find a job and meet her man. So before you forgive your spouse’s next prank, consider whether it’s worth it. It is better to leave a hopeless aggressor sooner rather than later. There is only one life, and its quality directly depends on the state of your health, so take care of it.
2. Always have your own opinion and don’t be afraid of other people’s opinions. If you feel bad, tell about it to those people who can help you. You must clearly understand first of all what is best for you and your children, and take this into account. And don’t be afraid of other people’s opinions, because your friends may say: “What are you talking about? To leave such a man - he is both wealthy and strong...”, but they judge from their side and do not know all the details, and therefore think after the next manifestation of aggression, “what will their friends say?” stupid, because it’s not for them to get rid of psychological problems and reduce bruises, and for you. Also be wary of the opinions of the aggressor’s relatives, especially his mother, who will convince you: “My son will never say a rude word to a woman, let alone hit her.” Understand that this is the mother of the aggressor, and for her he will always be the best. And even if you show her your numerous bruises, she will say that you are deliberately slandering and hit yourself somewhere. Don’t be afraid to leave against the opinion of the aggressor’s family if your spouse shows no hope of getting rid of aggressive behavior.
3. Increase your self-confidence. If you are confident in yourself and know your worth, you will never allow a man to raise his hand to you. For women who know their worth, a man who fights is not a man, he loses all respect in their eyes, but how can you live with a person you don’t respect?
4. Never hide the fact of violence. Very often, an abusive spouse can only be stopped by asking for help. Until no one knows that acts of violence have been committed against you, no one can help you.
5. Remember that there is only one life, and you don’t need to waste it on something that causes you and your children suffering. Make the decision to change your life as early as possible, before it's too late.
But what should a wife do if the subject of her husband’s aggression was not her, but her child?
1. Implicitly take the child’s position and protect him. The spouse is already an adult, and therefore must be smarter than the child (by definition). But the child is very often not able to stand up for himself, especially in cases where the father is an authority for him. In addition, the self-esteem of young children is still at the formative stage, and aggression can cause a serious blow to it, which in the future will negatively affect a person’s life.
2. Talk to your spouse regarding his aggressive behavior. Ask him to imagine himself in the child’s place, how he feels, whether he is offended. Adults very often copy the behavior of their parents, and if your spouse allows aggression to be taken out on a child, there is a high probability that at one time his father was aggressive towards your spouse. In this case, it will be easier for a man to understand the child’s feelings, because he himself once experienced this.
3. If the spouse has crossed the boundaries of what is permitted and began to regularly assault the child, leave the house with the child, or call the police. Remember about the existence of a helpline.
4. If the spouse very often attacks the child verbally, does not stay with him mutual language, it is possible to temporarily send the child to the closest relative (grandmother, sister, mother) until clarification true reasons spouse aggression (on your own or with the help of a psychologist).
The most important thing to remember is that a parent has the right to punish a child, but it is always necessary to separate the punishment that is adequate for the child’s offense from unjustified aggression. Sometimes the aggression of one of the parents reaches such an extent that only a highly qualified psychologist can help to understand the problem. If this doesn’t help, don’t watch how your child suffers, take him and go to his relatives - this is the best of all possible options.
We are all used to discussing male aggression and how to deal with it. Many are concerned about the problem of the growth of children's aggression in our difficult times. Do women really not show any aggression? Of course, this is not so, and women can also be quite aggressive, but they often justify their behavior by saying that it is self-defense from aggressive men, fatigue and an unfavorable external environment.
But female aggression is not always self-defense. Very often, women are led by their emotions and, instead of solving the problem, simply take out their anger on their husband or children. This leads to the formation of an unfavorable microclimate in the family and can destroy it, as well as become a source of psychological discomfort for children and a source of problems in future socialization.
Why does female aggression occur?
Usually the main cause, as well as the consequence, of female aggression is misunderstanding and powerlessness. If a woman feels that she cannot express herself, cannot solve the accumulated problems and does not have any support on the way to solving them, this can provoke an emotional explosion, an outbreak of aggression towards loved ones, for example, her husband or children.
Don’t think that this is something out of the ordinary - aggression is a normal reaction of the body, it activates forces and gives energy to solve problems, although not always in a constructive way. Often aggression helps to defend against a threat and overcome an obstacle, but only if its energy is directed in the right direction. But aggression can be a positive phenomenon only if it is aimed at solving a problem and has a short-term manifestation.
If aggression becomes a constant companion, and it begins to periodically “break down” on family members, this indicates that such aggression is unconstructive. Most likely, its cause is chronic fatigue. This is especially true for residents of megacities - constant noise, a busy pace of life, plus minor troubles in the family force a woman to constantly be captive of negative emotions, which periodically spill out on loved ones.
Another reason for female aggression, especially for women who are on maternity leave, is a lack of communication and opportunities for self-expression. A woman begins to feel like a service staff working for her child and husband, so she gradually accumulates a negative attitude towards them and sooner or later it can spill out.
Female aggression is the path to loneliness and self-destruction
The main difference between female aggression and male aggression is the absence of direct physical impact.. Men are more likely to act with physical strength, women are more likely to attack emotionally or verbally. Typically, women shout at children, shout at men, break dishes or home decoration less often, and physically beat them even less often.
At the same time, most women justify their aggression by unfair treatment of them, lack of money, attention or time. Very often, women use obscene language or phrases like “I would kill”, “I wish you would die”, etc. to express their feelings. This does not mean that she is ready to kill physically; rather, it is a sign of aggressive impotence.
A woman in this state is weak and vulnerable, because she cannot solve the problem and replaces its solution with an outburst of aggression.
If a way to solve the problem that led to aggression is not found, such behavior can become habitual and gradually the woman herself, having become accustomed as much as possible to discomfort, begins to consider her life normal. Aggression becomes the norm of family life. Often children in such families also grow up to be aggressive. What are the consequences of a woman’s constant aggression? There are many of them, and the first is problems in finding a life partner, since men feel the “aroma of aggression” on a subconscious level. The second is the appearance of wrinkles - “masks of aggression”. Third, problems with blood pressure and cardiovascular system
. Therefore, it is necessary to avoid the increase in female aggression by any means.
How to avoid an outburst of aggression To avoid a surge of aggression, the woman herself needs to control her emotional condition
, because no one will understand her feelings better than she herself. If you feel that tension is increasing, immediately analyze the reasons for this increase. Remember, a person who is satisfied with life is not enraged by a dirty cup near the computer; if such little things begin to irritate you, you need to take care of your psychological comfort. The first thing to do is take a break.
Perhaps you just didn’t get enough sleep, you’re tired, you have a lot of work. There is no need to be afraid to tell someone about your condition; sometimes you just need to tell your loved ones about your fatigue and ask for help. In addition, you can try to give yourself a couple of pleasant sensations. Ask that no one disturb you in the evening, take a bath, have a treat, listen to music. You can also take any sedative.
If it seems to you that you cannot realize yourself, this is not a reason to lash out at your loved ones, this is a reason to analyze the reasons, look for new ways to realize your needs.
The inability to cope with one's own emotions is one of the most common reasons visits to psychologists. But not all women can afford to spend time and money on visiting a specialist, so they try in every possible way to cope with the problem on their own. For such women, several tips have been developed to help put their emotions in order.
If you feel angry, you need to sit down and describe what makes you angry.. Most often, anger passes during the process of description, but if it does not pass, then the sheet with the description can be torn and thrown away, taking out the evil on it.
Another way to get rid of aggression is to be alone with nature and just relax a little.. You can go to the forest, sit in silence, or, on the contrary, shout out. If complaints have accumulated against a specific person, for example, a boss, then you can express everything in any form, shout and even kick snags, this will help get rid of most of the negativity.
If your husband causes aggression, you need to try to inform him about it as correctly as possible. Men are designed in such a way that they can simply not understand and not notice insults and hints, and then sincerely wonder why a woman is crying and screaming, and from where. Therefore, you need to learn to talk about everything, gently and civilly communicate your dissatisfaction to your husband and accept his comments just as calmly.
And further it is very important to notice the positive. There is no need to dwell on the bad, scroll through grievances in your head and look for new reasons for them. It is important to notice the good, praise your husband and children for their actions, enjoy the little things, and soon you will notice that those around you begin to treat you more favorably and there are fewer reasons for aggression.
