To be successful and happy? Or choose one thing between success and happiness? Read the recommendations of psychologist Vlada Berezyanskaya about what part of your life you should devote to work and career.

Vlada Berezyanskaya

The number of successful businesswomen is growing and becoming popular every year. And if earlier “women’s business and career” were limited to opening a small beauty salon or a cozy flower shop, today women run large and serious companies, head startups and international organizations. They are beautiful, successful and confident. I want to be the same, don’t I? Let's figure out who these career women are, how their lives are going and are they happy?

Who are career women?

These are women for whom career comes first, and only then family, love, health and other important areas of life. These women who, at the age of 12, dreamed not of a wedding in the most beautiful white dress, but of how they would furnish their director’s office.

Why do they become careerists?

People become careerists from childhood. Parents prepare such girls from school for the fact that the most important thing in life is to be successful! Why do parents give this message to their children? Due to historical events, the parents of such girls were ordinary working class. After university, they were sent to work; it was almost impossible to get from the position of electrician to director of an enterprise, because managers were appointed “from above.” The parents of career women earned little, but always dreamed of interesting work, about success and recognition. Therefore, they inspired their girls, who were born in modern times, that the main thing in life is success, improving their skills, demonstrating talents, etc. And everything else - love, friendship, health - will follow by itself.

Movie on the topic: “The Devil Wears Prada” - about how to become a careerist

How is the life of a career woman?

At first glance, it may seem that success is happiness. The woman reached great heights in professional activity, looks great, drives expensive car and dines exclusively in expensive restaurants. She has a husband, children and a small country house where they can all escape from the hustle and bustle of the city every weekend.

In fact, the picture is a little different. Yes, all that remains is a car, an expensive restaurant and a villa outside the city. The only difference is that they are supplemented by a lack of sleep, normal nutrition, communication with friends, sex with a beloved man, hobbies and personal small pleasures, and a long, long list of things that career women simply cannot afford.

Why? Because they are all at work. Some of them are simply workaholics and do not leave their office. Accordingly, there is simply no time for other areas of life, even if you really want to. Others know how to manage and distribute resources, make a career without particularly bothering with work, they have free time, but only they are not interested in spending it on such stupid activities as helping a friend organize her upcoming wedding or going to the cinema with her beloved man to watch a funny comedy.

Movie on the topic: “The Proposal” - about how to find love for a career woman

Why are career women unhappy?

Because the workaholic careerist, although she achieves success, really wants to go on a date, meet her girlfriends, go to the gym and spend the evening with a book and a glass of wine. She doesn’t have time for this and is unlikely to appear. She will cope with one task, achieve a certain goal, and, rest assured, something new will immediately appear that requires exclusively her participation.

A career woman - not a workaholic - at some point realizes her loneliness - as soon as she gets sick or takes a vacation and realizes that there is absolutely no one to spend it with. And those career women who, back in the old days, managed to start a family and children, in most cases experience divorces. After all, what kind of man needs a woman who thinks only about work and is constantly busy?

8 reasons why being a female careerist is LESS pleasant than being the same man

It is believed that in our “civilized” society a woman has long had equal rights with a man. We don't agree with this. Because it's not like that.

If you take a career, then in reality everything is like this.

Vocation

A man is supposed to have a career. The world awaits him for achievements, feats and success in his chosen field. He is like an astronaut. He waved his hand. Said “Let's go”! And here he is in a shiny rocket, all so beautiful, plowing through the expanses of the universe, and everyone around him froze in admiration, waiting for him to fly all the way to the sun. And at home he has the rear. And caring rear workers.

A woman can have a career, but it’s not necessarily necessary. Well, that is, in times of victorious feminism, it seems to be necessary, but still, what is the main calling of a woman? Right. Family and kids. So, dear woman, it doesn’t matter that you’ve dreamed of becoming an oil worker all your life, be kind enough to first realize yourself as a wife and mother, and the rest will come later... later. Free from main women's work time. And don’t forget that you are the “rear” for your astronaut.

Descendants

A careerist man is confident that his career is not only HIS career, but also the future of his many (or few, but valuable) offspring. That is, he does not just strive to become the main assistant to the senior manager of the sales support department. He does this (he doesn’t sleep at night) for his descendants, who, thanks to his tireless work, will begin their lives from a higher social level. That is, a man’s career is a great sacrifice on the altar of the Family and Civilization. And the man himself is a kind of Prometheus, no less.

And the woman? What about the woman? With her career she takes away the most important thing from her children - mother's love takes away. Well, at the same time, homemade cutlets, washed ears, checked homework and watching cartoons together. She works as the CFO of a large engineering corporation? And what? The kids aren’t fed cutlets anyway.

Society thinks so, “Prometheus” thinks so, Prometheus’s mother thinks so, and most importantly, the woman herself thinks so. She sits at a meeting in her engineering corporation and suffers from the fact that she did not have time to fry fresh cutlets yesterday. And children, sometimes, think so and write heart-tearing text messages to their (already unhappy) mother: “Mom, did you forget to cook us lunch again?”

Appearance

A careerist man is just a careerist man. Society forgives him for his appearance flaws once and for all. If he is handsome, then he is just a handsome careerist man; if he is ugly, then he is a smart careerist man. At the same time, he is always sexually attractive. Now, even if he’s a meter tall, plump, pimply and hunchbacked, he’s still handsome. Because what makes a man beautiful is not his appearance, but his determination (well, also his wallet, but we’ll skip that point).

Wherever such a man appears, he immediately becomes the object of attention, lust and love of people of the opposite sex. In general, Apollo Belvedere and that’s it. Career for external average woman- minus one hundred to the sex appeal. Because who in their right mind would think of flirting with the Manager of a bank or the same CFO of an engineering corporation.

First of all, it's scary. Secondly, it is not clear how to care for her and what to offer (well, unless of course you are Novoseltsev), thirdly, “a woman who has chosen a career is, by definition, frigid.” Well, that’s what they usually say about it, although in fact it’s a typical “green grape.” And vice versa, if a woman careerist is good-looking, it is OBVIOUS to everyone where she made her career. This means that we can offer her further “career growth” through that very place. Well, what fun!

Spouses

The wife of a careerist man in the eyes of society happy woman, who was lucky to meet a smart, strong-willed and generally cool guy. Therefore, when she accompanies her husband to various events, they look at her with respect, awe and envy. Usually the wife of a careerist is really happy with her position and proudly wears furs, diamonds and status.

The husband of a careerist woman is a sad, meaningless something, henpecked, a weakling and a nonentity. Society thinks so, although it tries to pretend. So the husband of a career woman is a kind of prince consort, who is brought out into the world like a lap dog with a bow. They look at him sideways, quietly giggle and assume to themselves that not only his position and salary are small, but you know what too. The husband suffers from this, regularly kicks, remembers “who is the man in the house” and makes stupid, liquid, but offensive scandals.

Relatives and other close circle

A careerist man is the pride of the family, the joy of friends and a gentleman. It is customary to groom, undead and pamper him. It is common to admire him, he is cited as an example to young people, and old people say “he’s just like me.” His progress is monitored more closely than the weather forecast. And any family or friendly gatherings sooner or later turn to discussing his extraordinary personality and brilliant career.

The careerist woman is a strange freak, something between little Tsakhes and Gwynplaine, and it’s generally unclear where she was born like that. In words they are also proud of her, but among themselves all the relatives have long decided that she is an unhappy woman, deprived of something (here everyone sighs meaningfully) the most important thing. Femininity! (here everyone sighs again).

The fact that a career woman has a husband and children does not in the least justify her “ugliness.” Because they are “poor things” and she “abandoned her family, the children were not fed cutlets, the corners were not washed.” A career woman is always forced to make a little excuse for her career successes and constantly prove that she still has time and cutlets... well, not as often as I would like, but last year... Then everyone sighs again and begins to discuss the extraordinary personality of some common friend male.

Strangers

When asked “what do you do?” a male careerist can always declare with bravado that he is an astronaut, scientist, writer, banker, machinist and IT specialist. This increases his status in the eyes of strangers, making him important, sought after and cool. It would never occur to a careerist man that he is just an astronaut and nothing more. Because he’s a COSMONAUT. Plows through the open spaces. Cool.

A career woman has to immediately after she stated that she accidentally added a little cosmonaut here. “I also have a husband, two children, and I bake chicken very well.” Because if she doesn’t say it, they will still ask her, nodding their heads sympathetically. “Do you have any children? Are you married?”

Dress code

A careerist man can wear business suit, or maybe anything. At worst, he will be known as an eccentric type and a lovable eccentric. Tattered jeans, colored socks, an earring in the ear and even a kilt are still a “cute eccentric”. And try, as a career woman, wear a guipure blouse to work! And the latex catsuit! Introduced? So how is it?

Is she an “eccentric cutie” or is she still a tasteless, vulgar woman? Meanwhile, it might be fun for her to wear a latex jumpsuit and a Pavlovo Posad scarf on top.

Colleagues and subordinates

A careerist man may not be loved, recognized, or respected, but he will always be understood. He's an asshole, but an understandable asshole. He yelled because he was an asshole, he didn’t raise his salary because he was an asshole, he didn’t sign the vacation application - well, he was an asshole, he missed deadlines - he was an asshole... Everything is fair.

A career woman will get much more offensive labels. We don’t even want to list them, because it’s disgusting. But we know for sure that she won’t get away with it. But because “working under a woman” in our society is still considered something, to put it mildly, strange.

Why is one person without any significant work experience accepted for a promising position, but an applicant who has numerous academic degrees and an impressive track record is not? Do only experience and professional skills always play a significant role?

According to the weekly Wirtschafts Woche, career success is influenced by both external and internal factors. Finally, the secret that has worried careerists for decades has been revealed, and an ideal model has been built. successful person in a career sense. It turns out that even little things such as the whiteness of a smile, the shape of the chin and height matter for successful career advancement. Now it is clear what kind of appearance inspires confidence in recruiting managers and attracts headhunters.

The ideal careerist. Man

84% of men who sleep well receive at least one promotion within 5 years of work. Among night owls, this figure is only 67.9%. And generally speaking, dark circles A business suit is not painted under the eyes.

Hair

It has been proven: HR people prefer brown-haired people and do not like red-haired people. However, color is a secondary issue. The main role is played by the presence of hair. Inexplicable, but true: bald people are less likely to be invited to interviews and are more often denied a job.

Face shape

The attributes of success are a dimple on a prominent chin, high forehead And thin lips. Men with high cheekbones, whom nature has also endowed with an unusual head shape, look the most competent.

Reputation

Only 10% of success at an interview is determined by your professional knowledge, 30% depends on your good name and as much as 60% depends on your degree of fame in professional circles.

Height

The taller a man is, the more he earns. There is a simple relationship here: every 10 centimeters of growth brings a 5% increase in salary. A positive correlation is even observed between a person’s height and his level of education: the majority of European university students are 3 centimeters taller than their already working peers.

Familiar

A third of today's youth aged 16 to 29 years old find their dream job thanks to good friends.

Internet

76% of successful candidates are active users of the World Wide Web and 43.6% of them take the information about themselves that they disseminate there extremely seriously. And for good reason. For 34% of headhunters, the Internet is the main tool for collecting data about the applicant. And, I must say, he cuts off 54% of seemingly good applicants.

So, let’s summarize what he is like, an ideal candidate for a promising position:

A two-meter brown-haired man with a square jaw, happily married, and to a woman. He spends a lot of time on the Internet, but not during working hours, and therefore his reputation is not tarnished, but not at night either, because when darkness comes he goes to bed. He has a wide circle of acquaintances and is on excellent terms with colleagues; he does not disdain corporate gatherings.

The ideal careerist. Woman

Hair

Brown-haired and blonde women achieve the greatest career success. Employers don't favor redheads and brunettes as much. At the same time, candidates with short haircuts have a higher chance of achieving leadership positions than their long-haired competitors. Men's hairstyles and slicked back hair signal intelligence and self-confidence, while chic curls convey naivety and indecisiveness. Brunettes with waist-length curls have virtually no chance among headhunters.

Sofia, Angelica and Margarita are popular with men, but at work Catherine is held in high esteem, because they are the ones who seem to be the smartest to their colleagues.

Figure

Employers give preference to healthy candidates. What is the first sign of health for women? That's right, excellent complexion and rosy cheeks. And second? Good physique. Ideal ratio waist to hips should be 0.7.

Cloth

HR will undoubtedly value elements of masculinity (jacket, tightly buttoned blouse) higher than attributes of femininity (neckline and miniskirt). However, those ladies who give a clear preference to trouser suits are mistaken, thereby trying to pass themselves off as “one of their own”. This number doesn't work. But the desired result can be achieved using the “right angle effect”: a rectangular briefcase, a mobile phone with clear, somewhat pointed contours, an expensive watch with a square dial.

heels

Every centimeter of heels brings a woman an additional 0.6% of her monthly salary. The same law of dependence of the mind on growth operates here, which, if not objective, is certainly firmly rooted in our consciousness.

Education

The majority of top managers (80%) have higher economic or technical education. But only 25% of graduates of the relevant faculties are women.

To give weight to their words, men usually use up to three tones in conversation. Then the voice sounds monotonous, but confident and calm, which helps to successfully convey information to the listener. Women operate with a range of up to 5 tones, so due to excessive emotionality, what is said seems less competent and trivial. Remember: a successful businesswoman does not switch the volume unnecessarily.

Family

Contrary to fears, the vast majority of managers prefer to hire family women to responsible positions. Why? Who else but an unmarried lady knows how to manage her time in such a way as to manage to work 60 hours a week and maintain order in the house.

Portrait of an ideal career woman:

A married brown-haired woman who, having given birth to several children, managed to maintain a wasp waist and answers to the name Ekaterina. She combines formal clothes with ease men's cut with shoes on high heels. There is no place for stilettos and hair clips in her briefcase - a short-haired lady does not need them. She answers in an even and slightly monotonous voice when her phone calls. mobile phone in the shape of a perfect rectangle.

Margins around the form

There was a period in my life when I decided that in order to feel happy and satisfied, I definitely needed to become free, independent and independent. I sincerely believed that as soon as I gained the desired freedom and independence from everyone and everything, all my desires would immediately come true, and my problems would be solved. But how to achieve this desired freedom? After thinking a little, I decided that there can only be one path to freedom and happiness - to make a career and earn as much money as possible more money. And I resolutely set out on this path, not even suspecting what disappointment awaited me ahead.

Career and high salary for many modern women They often become a fixed idea, for the sake of which they are ready to make any sacrifices, even completely unjustified ones. It is very, very difficult to fly up the career ladder as high as possible, pushing your competitors into the background. To do this, you often have to spend days and nights at work, go all-in, risk your reputation, and sometimes your health, enduring enormous psychological and physical stress. Not every man can endure such a lifestyle, let alone a woman! In addition, the difference between men and women is not only in physical endurance. A careerist man does not need to bother himself with problems at home - after work, he will be met at home and fed a delicious dinner by a loving and caring wife. Well, a career woman has to withstand a double burden - both taking care of the household and pursuing a career. And this, you yourself understand... Therefore, every woman who decides to make a career, sooner or later is forced to answer the question for herself: what is more important - career or family.

Previously, there was a clear division of responsibilities between men and women - the man worked and brought home money, and the woman ran the household and raised children. Now times have changed somewhat. Alas, not everyone modern man earns enough to fully support his wife and children - and women have to work in order to be able to provide themselves and their children with an acceptable standard of living. But work is different. It’s one thing if a woman comes home from work relatively early, and therefore has time to cook dinner and make the apartment cozy without any problems. And it’s a completely different picture when a woman holding a managerial position is forced to spend 12 hours a day at work. How can she, with such a busy work schedule, find time to complete family responsibilities and for a full night's sleep? What kind of man would like to live with a wife who leaves home early in the morning, but comes almost at night, and almost immediately, exhausted and tired, falls exhausted into bed and falls asleep? So it turns out that the desired career becomes not happiness for a woman, but bondage, and that a woman has to pay for her career at the highest price - her personal life and family well-being! In a word, a career woman drives herself into a hopeless situation. However, there is always a way out, but in this case, he has only one thing - to sacrifice his ambitious ambitions for the sake of his family, in order to be a beloved wife and a happy mother. I think it's worth it!

In nature there are two poles - male and female, yin and yang. And in order for universal harmony not to be disturbed, there must be a balance between these poles. No matter how difficult life and surviving in modern world, but men must remain men and behave like men, and women must remain women and fulfill their main female function - giving birth to children and maintaining comfort in the house. When a woman adopts a man’s behavior model, she introduces disharmony both into the society in which she lives and into her own life. own life. Therefore, the main thing for a woman is to set her priorities correctly and, no matter how life turns out, constantly remember that family should come first, and work and career should come second. IN otherwise, if a woman chooses not her feminine path, but decides to follow the male path, putting career and financial well-being first, her life will sooner or later come to a dead end, in which hopeless loneliness and complete disappointment will await her.

A woman who decides to choose a typically male path and consciously sacrifices her personal life for the sake of work and career may achieve what she wants, but her joy will be short-lived. In the subconscious of almost any woman lies the desire to realize herself, first of all, as a mother and wife, and it is useless to argue with the subconscious - it will still be stronger. A woman cannot become a man, she can only become masculine - both externally and internally. Suppressing your own feminine, a woman thereby cripples her soul and breaks her own destiny. If a woman becomes a careerist after she gets married and gives birth to children, then not only she, but her entire family becomes unhappy. No material benefits can replace maternal warmth and care for a child, and no husband will feel happy if his wife disappears at work all day long! If a woman decides to devote herself entirely to her career even before marriage, then her fate is either to remain single or to marry a henpecked loser who will be forced to take over the family female role.

Sometimes a woman would be glad to live differently, but she cannot - the wrong psychological attitudes received in childhood and adolescence interfere. Many women have the so-called “excellent student syndrome,” which they acquire in early childhood. When strict parents demand that their daughter always and everywhere be first and mercilessly scold her for the slightest failures, a firm attitude arises in the girl’s subconscious: in order to deserve love, you need to be as successful as possible in everything. So women strive to the heights of career success in order to prove to themselves that they are something of themselves, and therefore deserve love and respect. To break out of this vicious circle and take her own, feminine place in the world, a woman needs only one thing - to realize her true purpose. And a woman’s purpose is to love and be loved. It is a man who needs to achieve something in life and make a career in order to feel like a Man and respect himself. And it’s enough for a woman to be kind, caring, loving wife and mother, so that all the people around, including own husband, loved, appreciated and respected her. After all, even the strongest, smartest and most intelligent cannot do without female care and love. successful man!