Not everyone knows the art of saying something nice to another person. And even fewer people know how to accept someone else's praise with dignity. the site will tell you why this happens and help change the situation.
“You look so wonderful today,” “What wonderful shoes,” “You did a brilliant job!” - a couple of such phrases can lift your spirits, especially if they are said not by a random passer-by, but by a person whose opinion is very important to us. At work, praise from superiors, who usually “save” on laudatory statements, can cause an attack of workaholism among employees. But very often, instead of being happy when we hear a compliment, we get embarrassed and don’t know how to respond.
You have every right to be liked by others!
Five reasons that prevent you from enjoying a compliment
- We sincerely believe that we do not deserve this praise
- It seems to us that a compliment is a veiled manipulation
- The opinion of the person who made the compliment is deeply indifferent to us
- We are afraid that a compliment obliges us to do something.
- We don't like being the center of attention
Mechanisms of “defensive” response
- A compliment is immediately followed by a return compliment to divert attention from yourself.
- Their own merits are downplayed and presented as something unimportant: “Anyone could do this!”, “Nothing special,” “It happened by chance.”
- The effect of a compliment is “killed” by responses that tell about our shortcomings and mistakes.
It’s a paradox, but at the same time, a person who said out loud that it didn’t cost him anything to write an annual report overnight or pay half his salary for a hat can deep down be proud of his achievements. Why does he act this way and not otherwise? Most likely, as a child he was constantly “educated” using the following phrases: “don’t worry about it,” “you’re nothing of yourself,” “stop being arrogant.”
If you give the compliment yourself, be sure to create a verbal “bridge” that will allow your interlocutor to respond “comfortably” to your statement.
For example: What wonderful rubber boots. Perhaps it wasn’t so easy to find such an interesting color?
You shouldn’t ignore compliments and praise, letting them pass by, just as you shouldn’t be overly proud, considering someone else’s approval to be the highest achievement in your life - the harm from both methods is approximately the same.
- 1 Memorize the following phrase: “I have every right to accept compliments. The person who pronounces them does so without coercion and of his own free will. I have the right to be happy that others like what I do, or myself.”
- 2 Even if you personally think that the praise is somewhat exaggerated, take it as the personal point of view of the one who praised. He has the right to see you in pink color.
- 3 An adequate reaction to a compliment is the phrases “Thank you for the compliment” or “Thank you, it’s very nice of you.” No further explanation required!
- 4 You don’t need to immediately respond with kindness to kindness; you don’t want to be the heroine of the fable about the rooster and the cuckoo, who did nothing but praise each other in turns? Wait for the right occasion when your compliment will be appropriate.
- 5 If you find it difficult to accept compliments, you will have to work hard on your self-esteem. Until you learn to love yourself, you will not learn to believe in the sincerity of someone else's praise.
You love compliments?
How do you feel when you receive compliments? Do you know how to accept compliments?
These are not idle questions at all and they are directly related to femininity.
We women love everything beautiful, we love to decorate and dress ourselves, so we want to hear compliments from loved ones and others. We want to, but sometimes it turns out like this... With the permission of the author, I publish this dialogue in this article. I discovered him on social networks, beautiful girl do compliment. At first it’s not even very clear what she’s answering. It takes four incomprehensible messages, only in the fifth she responds to the compliment.
Message : — You are so beautiful here, honey!
Answer: - you can’t tell from the photo...
- I mean, there was a small incident...
- I pronounced one word wrong...
- Alexander corrected me! It was about FISHING!!!
- Only this is a secret!!!
- Thanks for the compliment!!!
Do you know how to accept compliments? What do you say in response to good words to your address?
Are you ready to start?
Ability to accept- This feminine quality, this is our essence! But as life shows, many people don’t know how to do this at all. And compliments are like a test of your ability to accept.
I started tracking this a long time ago.
To the compliment “You have beautiful hair“I answered: “Yes, what are you talking about, they are brittle and very dry, I installed them successfully today.”
When they said “You have beautiful shoes“I answered: “Yes, they are actually uncomfortable.”
I thought for a long time about the reason that in response to a compliment we seem to make excuses:
1) Many psychologists talk about low self-esteem. Parents, they say, praised little in childhood, perhaps even scolded and lowered self-esteem. But sometimes we scold ourselves and consider ourselves to be something insignificant. It is difficult for us to hear anything good about ourselves. Praise and compliments seem unnatural to us. We are used to thinking badly about ourselves. But only we know this “bad” thing about ourselves; those around us often see us in a different light. Therefore, the recipe is simple, start praising yourself! Give yourself compliments to train yourself to hear compliments addressed to you later.
2) The second reason is fear. Perhaps it seems to us that they want to get something from us. When we accept a compliment, we think that we will have to give something in return. But we don’t want to give it away. But a compliment is a gift! A gift is a gift!
And as the doctor writes V. Sinelnikov:“If they give you something, it means you deserve it. Please accept with gratitude. You don't owe anything in return. We don’t owe anything to anyone, and no one owes us anything. And if someone does something for us, it’s only because not only we need it, but this person needs it too. Love yourself and allow yourself to accept gifts!"
Many people generally cannot accept what they got without difficulty, “undeservedly.” We often “devalue” what we get for nothing.
But we must remember that it is common for a woman to get everything for nothing! You just have to be a Woman!
3) Sometimes we may be afraid of envy, the evil eye, therefore, we also cannot accept compliments with dignity. To stop being afraid of envy, you need to stop envying yourself. More about this in my next articles. And you need to learn to give compliments yourself! And learn to give!
4) The fourth reason was not easy for me. Just recently, I again couldn't accept compliments. Although the previous reasons were taken into account by me. As I already wrote, I recently attended a women’s group and baked cinnamon buns for tea. And when all the buns were eaten and the girls complimented me that they were very tasty, I responded by saying that they were a little burnt. And to the compliment that I had changed a lot and became softer, I replied that I had simply lost weight.
I thought for a long time, why am I answering this way? We become humble, downplay the compliment given, and at this moment we ourselves seem to be “downplaying ourselves.” I realized that we are afraid to become big and perfect.
How then can we count on the support and help of loved ones and others? We are afraid to be alone. An adult does not need support. If those around me think that everything is fine with me, then they are unlikely to help me if something happens. I'd rather play it safe just in case. And I realized that a woman who knows how to accept compliments with dignity is adult woman
, who was not afraid to leave the world of childhood.
I already wrote that habit is second nature. Once I changed my email password, and my fingers took a very long time to type the old one. And today we will set a new password for the function of receiving compliments.
1) So, Never return a compliment with a compliment.
2) "You look nice too!" A compliment is a gift! You don't owe anything in return. Never say, "It's just a compliment"
3) , expecting in return that you will be convinced. Never ask for a compliment
4) : “I’m probably fat in this dress?” Do not answer
5) : - “You flatter me!” or - “It seems to you!” Words: “Yes, thank you! I know!"
- have nothing to do with accepting a gift and have nothing to do with high self-esteem either. If you answer like this, you are telling your interlocutor: Thank you, I have this, like, I don’t need yours! Each of you can come up with your own phrases.
And I will only recommend the answers that I like.
- I am very pleased thank you!
- I'm glad to hear this from you (from you)!
These responses are dignified and respectful of yourself and the person who complimented you.
And now we need to consolidate this so that at the right moment you answer correctly. Write yourself three compliment
. Go to the mirror and say them to yourself one by one. Answer gently and softly: “Thank you, I’m very pleased!”
I'm serious! We need to go to the mirror and rehearse! It will look sloppy at first! This may need to be fixed the next day. You definitely need to say it out loud and learn to say it. We must learn to issue a new password! compliments A woman should accept what the world gives her with gratitude and dignity, including
. It is this quality that brings prosperity and wealth into life.
Tatyana Dzutseva
A huge hello to all those who are now reading my “message”! I think where exactly to start my story. I came up with an idea! Let me start by saying that I am very popular with men. This is nice, of course, but I am somewhat confused... The problem is that I have no idea how to properly answer men's compliments. After all, they (many of them) can regard both gratitude and a smile as hope for the continuation of the relationship! And I wouldn’t really like to “tolerate” such a turn of events (to put it mildly).
How or with what should you respond to a man’s compliments, other than the banal “thank you”?
I get compliments every day! I experience mixed feelings from this “influx” of pleasant words. On the one hand, it’s nice that they notice. On the other hand, it’s uncomfortable in front of company or friends! I see how offended they are that only I am the “temporary center of the Universe”!
I can’t turn men off. Not because of “niceness”, but because of education! I'm used to treating people well (no matter what). Nobody can correct me on this for sure! And this has its “advantages”!
Humor
You can, in principle, answer with a joke. Good method! Yes, you just need to know how to joke so as not to offend. I understand perfectly well that not everyone has humor! Some people perceive harmless jokes as mockery or insult.
It is easier to respond to masculine compliments from men in writing or in text message format. Many people do not react to this as positively as I want. Some people believe that “live” gratitude is magic! I guess that waiting for the usual “thank you”, said in person, is a cunning reason for meeting with me. How can I explain to all of them that I am alone, and there are many of them?!
Ask your friends for advice? I tried it! One insists that I “deal with” men in a rude manner. I do not know how! I was not taught to be rude or rude. Yes, my dad is a military man! However, this did not in any way affect my femininity, politeness and sophistication! There were sincere attempts to “restructure” ourselves a little, but they were not crowned with success.
How to respond to compliments if there is a man nearby (possibly) - your future spouse?
From personal experience...
How can I respond to men’s compliments if my boyfriend (in the future, my husband) is nearby? I don't want to bring the situation to a fight! There has already been one incident of this kind... I don’t want to remember it, but I will remember it so that it will be easier for you to navigate through my whole tangled story.
My boyfriend was leaving
I decided to take him straight to the station. We went to a cafe. He went to stand in line to buy cakes or delicious pizza. I remained waiting at the table. A handsome young man came up to me and spoke to me. There were attempts to get acquainted, but I did not allow this! I gently brushed him off. She said that I was waiting for my groom. But that didn’t stop him either.
He started complimenting me: a lot of compliments!
I was simply numb with surprise because I had never heard such a thing. large quantity nice words addressed to you. However, I was afraid that my beloved would come up any minute. My fear was not in vain! Pasha came up “at the most interesting place”! He stood and was silent, carefully observing everything that was happening. I'm grateful to him for not starting a fight. The stranger left immediately when he saw that I told the truth (about waiting for the groom).
Pasha behaved with dignity. He warned me that next time everything would be different. I said that it was not my fault at all. I got the impression that Pavel didn’t hear me at all, or didn’t want to hear me.
That day changed my life
I even started to be afraid male views, directed in my direction! I feel my posture changing. After all, I walk and look at the asphalt so as not to arouse any suspicion. I stopped feeling like a real woman!
Is he making me a slave?
How so? I withdrew into myself and realized that I had a feeling of submission to this person and this terribly depressed me. “I’m no longer free and I can’t control myself like before?!”
What to do?
If my boyfriend is so jealous, then this could greatly ruin our relationship. future life. What should I do? - Become a submissive mouse at his feet? And I’m not even married yet, but I already feel terrible oppression.
And this is what I found:
How do girls respond to men's compliments?
Depending on the circumstances!
- If a girl's heart is busy and closed
She will not react in any way to male signs of attention. Or maybe just smile and say a banal “thank you.”
- If a girl's heart is busy, but not closed
She will appreciate the guy and his compliment in a split second. Depending on her score, the girl will do the following:
- If you don't like the guy: will not react in any way to male signs of attention. Or maybe just smile and say a banal “thank you.”
- If you like the guy: the girl’s smile will be radiant, gratitude will be expressed with delight, and perhaps there will be an answer that will incline the guy to further communication.
- If the girl is free
A free girl responds to the attention of a guy or man - freely, this means that if the guy likes him, then she will use all her charm to interest him in the answer. young man. If, so to speak, “this is not mine,” then the girl can calmly thank her and quickly leave in order to make it clear that there is no need to pursue her.
Continuation. . .
Return him a compliment with a compliment! -
Zodiac sign -
Answer him in prose...
Few people have the skill to address pleasant, gallant and graceful courtesies to another person. modern people, and the art of how to respond to a compliment, in addition to the meaningful “thank you,” also has less people.
Praise: “How deftly and efficiently you completed this most difficult task!”, “How dazzlingly beautiful you are today!”, can not only improve your mood, but also inspire you to further achievements and transformations.
However, instead of being proud of ourselves and melting with delight, we become confused and babble embarrassedly: “Thank you.” This article will discuss why kind words addressed to us make us feel embarrassed and timid, how we can pleasantly surprise our interlocutor, and how to respond to a compliment.
What lies beneath the guise of a compliment: types of pleasantries
Our response to praise varies depending on various factors, and the main reason for the formation of our response: the sincerity and goodwill of the statements.If we feel that the construction: “You are so charming in this dress,” is more like falsehood, envy or flattery, then other than a depressing aftertaste in our soul, we have no feelings.
However, if we feel sincerity in the intonation, facial expressions and gestures of the speaker, then a wave of pleasant emotions covers us, and we strive to say more than the hackneyed thank you.
Compliments can also be expressed from different positions. The sender of a pleasant message may be on an equal footing with us. Then the postulate: “You performed charmingly at the competition!” gives us positive feelings and gives us cheerfulness.
If a stream of words flows at us familiarly and unceremoniously from status masters, we regard the phrase: “You did well!” as a humiliating handout or not a free favor, and we are overcome by irritation and anger.
If they send us a compliment: “You are an unsurpassed craftswoman!” with servile helpfulness and ingratiating humility, except for politely saying: “Thank you,” we have no desire to quickly escape from such servile servility.
Sometimes it is quite difficult to even understand what a person means when he expresses his thoughts in a roundabout way. Instead of directly saying that he is not confident in himself and is very afraid of losing us, the guy rants: “You attract the eyes of everyone existing men!».
How can one interpret such hidden hints, and how to respond to such a “subtle” compliment? Don’t be indignant or angry, but try to understand that this complex young man cannot express admiration in any other way.
Why we don’t shine with happiness: reasons for dissatisfaction with compliments
Some of us not only cannot appreciate kindness according to its merits, but are simply annoyed when we hear praise addressed to us. This most often happens when:- we sincerely believe that we do not deserve such a positive assessment;
- We believe that what has been said is clearly not true;
- we harbor and cherish ideas of personal guilt, worthlessness and uselessness;
- we are sure that speaking out is a way to put pressure on us and a reason for manipulation;
- We worry that courtesy to something global obliges us, and we owe the person something;
- we treat another person with extreme indifference, and we are not interested in his opinion;
- We are afraid when we are singled out from the crowd and we find ourselves in the center of attention.
How we react to praise: defense mechanisms
Very often, we react to a remark we hear in a very unique way, and in addition to “thank you,” we take various defensive actions. Among them:- We turn red or pale and take off running.
- To get rid of the discomfort after a compliment, we immediately say a similar pleasant thing to the interlocutor.
- We deliberately downplay our own abilities and undervalue results achieved, instead of “thank you,” we say that everyone can do this.
- In response to a compliment, we immediately switch to existing shortcomings, describing in detail the mistakes and flaws.
- We are looking for arguments to “ground” our accomplishment or acquisition, like: “These shoes were bought at a second-hand store on the last day of sales.”
- We make a brick face, demonstrate complete indifference, prostration and contempt, ignore and deaf ears the words we hear.
- Hearing a couple catch phrases about our person, we strive to please the person speaking.
How to respond to a compliment competently and unconventionally: practical advice
We throw away all obstacles, get rid of destructive defense mechanisms and take the following rules as our guide.Rule 1. We realize and accept the fact that we have the right and deserve to hear pleasantries addressed to us.
Rule 2. If we are overcome by doubts that a statement is true and objective, we accept what we hear as the personal opinion of another person.
Rule 3. The simplest and most adequate answer: “ Thank you, that’s kind/nice/courteous/correct/true/nice ».
Rule 4. As soon as we hear praise, we try to straighten our shoulders, take our eyes off the floor and look kindly into the eyes of our interlocutor, sending him a sincere smile. A person will feel without words that we were pleased to hear such words from his lips.
Rule 5. In some cases, it is appropriate, in addition to thank you, to send the speaker similar approval and courtesy. You can answer with a joke: “ I take your actions as an example ».
Rule 6. If we still experience awkwardness and embarrassment, we should not hide our feelings behind a mask of alienation and coldness. You can say directly: “ I'm a little confused " As a rule, such a phrase will be followed by words of support.
Rule 7. If it’s difficult for us to squeeze out even a “thank you,” we can shake the person’s hand in a friendly manner, and, if this is our loved one, then give a kiss. The main thing is to behave naturally, kindly and be positive.
Rule 8. It is necessary not to brazenly demonstrate to others that we know our worth, that is, to behave with dignity.
Rule 9. Even if praise is obvious hypocrisy and a lie, there is no need to convince the “liar” of the opposite. Don't try your best to change another person's opinion. Let him figure out the misconceptions himself.
Rule 10. You should not delude yourself and fill the phrase you hear with a global, fateful meaning. Remember that any compliment is a subjective assessment, and not the ultimate truth.
But not everyone can adequately respond to them. How to respond to a compliment so that both the speaker feels good and you feel good? Good question, and we will try to find the answer to it.
Types of compliments
There are a huge variety of compliments, and reactions to them can vary greatly depending on the type. Firstly, they can be sincere and not very sincere. As a rule, in the latter case, you are left with some kind of unpleasant aftertaste after hearing the praise. In everyday life we call this flattery. Usually there is some hidden purpose behind it, which is almost always felt in communication.
Nice words can be spoken from different positions: as equals, from above and from below. A man who compliments a woman in the latter way will have no luck. We are not interested in those who feel one step lower. Praise from above looks like a handout from the powerful and usually only causes irritation and aggression. And only a compliment made on equal terms is worthy of a positive and sincere reaction.
Sometimes it's difficult for a guy to give you a direct compliment, so he takes a roundabout route. For example, instead of “you look great,” he says: “Every passer-by turns to look at you!” You can hear the anger in this, and it is logical, because he is worried about his own self-doubt.
There is also such a subtype as hidden compliments. It is not always appropriate to say pleasant things to a person directly - in this case, an atmosphere of intimacy and trust in a relationship is created through indirect techniques: interested questions, sincere comments and natural reactions to the conversation. We especially often encounter this at the beginning of a relationship, when the guy and the girl are a little awkward and, at the same time, pleasant to play such a subtle game.
Erroneous reactions
Before we talk about how to properly respond to praise, it is necessary to understand the characteristics of our negative reactions. Some girls blush from embarrassment, others try to turn invisible. One way or another, you can react to compliments in different ways, but I want to protect you from the most common mistakes:
Objection
Many girls, having heard praise addressed to them, immediately begin to argue with her: “There is nothing special about this!” or “It just happened that way!” Behind this is the desire to belittle oneself and one’s merits, which, at a minimum, looks rather strange and causes awkwardness for the one giving the compliment.
Justification
The girl instantly has a desire to justify herself for something good. Often she begins to tell no one needed details about why some of her traits are admired. For example: “Oh, I bought this dress at a second-hand store for mere pennies.”
Ignoring
Some women prefer not to respond to a man’s compliment at all, pretending as if nothing happened. But in fact, it only makes sense to do this when the person is deeply unpleasant to you, and you don’t want to talk to him at all. IN otherwise the absence of a reaction hurts even more than its presence in any form.
Neglect
Agree, it is very unpleasant when you praise a person, but he makes a brick face and shows indifference with his entire appearance. There is a feeling that you have given something away, but no one needs it, and disappointment and resentment become a natural result.
Excessive enthusiasm
This is another extreme that should be avoided. There is a category of girls who, having heard a few flattering words addressed to them, are ready to do everything for the sake of the person speaking them. But it's not right! Normally, if someone compliments you, they just want to make you happy and don't want anything else from you. And if you lose your head and start to “float”, then you become very vulnerable and accessible to manipulation.
Reasons for incorrect responses to compliments
Almost nothing in the world happens by chance. All of the above reactions are based on some reason, which, as a rule, is associated with personal problems. It’s possible that it’s not about you - to rule this out, think about what kind of compliments make you want to tell the person who’s saying them to go to hell. If this list includes only individual people with their words, then you should think about communicating with them. Well, in the case when you cannot accept praise addressed to you at all, you should look for the reason in yourself.
Most often, she ends up with low self-esteem. You have a strong belief that you cannot be truly admired. Accordingly, any praise is perceived as mockery and causes the wrong reaction. Usually, the roots of this problem should be sought in childhood, when parents and other significant adults give little praise to the child, who is still small, and all his ideas about himself depend on the assessments of others. Therefore, already as an adult, you perceive any compliments with distrust, and it seems to you that you are being deceived. The only way out is to love yourself. By the way, this will have a positive impact on all areas of your life.
Low self-esteem quite logically results in the feeling of awkwardness experienced by a person who hears supposedly undeserved praise. Sometimes, in particularly advanced cases, it even transforms into a feeling of guilt, because it seems to you that you are deceiving others, and they have illusions about you.
Another category of people, on the contrary, have inflated self-esteem. It seems to them that the achievement that a person pays attention to is a mere trifle, and they are capable of more. Some even manage to take offense at the praise, saying something like: “Does it really seem to you that this is the maximum that I can do?!” If compliments make you feel these or similar feelings, then it’s obviously time to think about correcting your self-esteem.
It also happens that we feel like compliments oblige us to something.
If you are praised, then the person needs to give something in return: reciprocal praise, your warm attitude or even any service. Usually it’s all due to attitudes that have been ingrained in the subconscious since childhood or adolescence - “in life you have to pay for everything” or “free cheese can only be found in a mousetrap.” You can, of course, tritely respond to a compliment with a compliment, but there is a high probability that it will not look beautiful and natural. It is much better if you work with these attitudes, for example, by making a list of good “free” things and convincing yourself of the irrationality of the penetration of commodity-money relations into all spheres of life.
Finally, last reason The reason we don’t know how to respond to a compliment correctly is suspicion. You decide that the person is trying to manipulate you with praise. Simply put, he flatters you by exaggerating or even inventing non-existent advantages and achievements. Unfortunately, in some cases this may be true, and then your intuition should be erected as a monument. However, if you strive to see such a catch in every praise, then you should think about it. Most likely, the whole point is in negative attitudes towards people or the whole world as a whole, for example, “a man can only need one thing from a woman” or “the world is full of evil.” Naturally, such ideas simply will not allow you to be happy, and you need to get rid of them - sometimes with the help of a psychologist.
Action plan
So someone gave you a compliment. Perhaps this is a man who has liked you for a long time or this is a boss who is pleasantly pleased with the annual report - it doesn’t matter. You should discard all the above-mentioned obstacles and irrational attitudes in order to respond correctly to praise. And we'll tell you how to do it.
- Believe the compliment internally
Do you know what people usually say to each other pleasant words just to please each other? So, accept this fact! When you hear a compliment about yourself, be sincerely happy to yourself. Perhaps the person’s words sound false and unnatural, but try to believe otherwise.
You can reassure yourself that even if it seems like your merits have been exaggerated, this is your friend's personal point of view. And he has the right to think so, especially since we often perceive ourselves through the prism of personal defenses and attitudes, and a person from the outside may know better. Besides, you have nothing to lose by believing in a compliment, but if you are disappointed, you will end up in a spoiled mood for half a day.
- Sincere joy
As soon as you accept the compliment, the second stage of the reaction will occur by itself. You look into the eyes of the person who voiced the praise, straighten your shoulders, straighten your back and smile beautifully. He will be pleased to see that you are happy with his words. We'll tell you short story, sent by one of the readers. There is a sad girl standing at the bus stop - it looks like she is very tired from work. And then a guy passing by complimented her figure. How she instantly blossomed! There was no trace of fatigue left, and in a couple of seconds she turned into a real beauty. That's how powerful compliments are.
- Gratitude
The simplest and easiest thing you can do is say: “Thank you!” This is absolutely and completely sufficient for an adequate response to a compliment. No more needed! Although, if a person's praise really had an effect on you magical influence, you can say something like: “Your words are a real balm for my soul!” or “Thank you, I’m really glad you like it.” In some cases, it is appropriate to joke: “I’m learning from you!” or “I’ll take you as an example.” If there is slight embarrassment, then you should not hide it: “I am embarrassed, but I am very pleased to hear this.” You can dilute the words with non-verbal language and take the person’s hand or even hug. The most important thing is to be natural and positive.
In order to correctly respond to any compliments, you just need to realize one simple thing: you have every right to accept them from the people around you. When they say them, they do it sincerely and from the bottom of their hearts, wanting to bring you joy or improve your mood.
You have the right to be happy that other people like you or your actions. Well, in order to hear pleasant words addressed to you more often, you just need to say more compliments yourself, and they will definitely come back to you in a pleasant way.
