Friendship is a feeling of mutual trust, goodwill and mutual assistance. There are many examples of male and female friendship. However, psychologists cannot come to a consensus on whether friendship exists between representatives of different sexes. This occurs due to frequent transformation this concept when a platonic relationship turns into physiological attraction or love. If this happened by mutual consent, the couple has many chances to create a strong family.
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Is there friendship between a man and a woman?
It is inherent in nature that people of different sexes feel physical attraction to each other. But man is a rational being, and his communication with the opposite sex goes far beyond the scope of sexual relations. People's feelings and emotions are multifaceted, so their relationships are based on mutual interests, trust, help, etc.
It is a common belief that a single guy and girl who spend a lot of time together and have common views on life will sooner or later become a couple. There are times when only one of the partners experiences sexual desire. A strong friendship between a man and a woman of a platonic nature is possible if there are certain conditions for it.
There are several factors that contribute to lifelong friendships. They cannot be destroyed by the sudden sexual desire of one of the partners. In such a union, external circumstances play a role, in which gender does not affect people’s communication. Friendship between a man and a woman can arise in the following cases:
- Friendly relations began from the period kindergarten, school, club or section. At some point, everyone has sexual partners. Relations have moved into the category of general cohesion. Such people are friends in pairs and families.
- The parents were friends, and the children inherited a strong friendship. This is a strong alliance based on trust. A man and a woman communicated all their lives, providing mutual assistance, but never perceived each other as partners. Such relationships are similar to communication between brother and sister.
- Homosexual. If one of the partners is absolutely not interested in the opposite sex, then friendship has an excellent prospect. A man and a woman psychologically belong to the same sex and do not perceive each other physiologically. Friendly communication continues even if one person is in love, since there is no chance of reciprocity.
Communication with the opposite sex
Since there is a danger that friendship can move into a more intimate plane, it is necessary to control your emotions and actions. In these controversial times, it is so important to find someone you can trust. To avoid losing a friend, you should adhere to the following recommendations:
- When in a friendly relationship, it is necessary to periodically voice their status. Such a statement will be deposited in the partner’s subconscious, which will not allow the relationship to move to another level. In case of misunderstanding between one of the parties, it is necessary to clarify whether the relationship has remained the same (whether the couple remains friends).
- Relationships should be purely platonic in nature, which does not allow flirting, unambiguous hints, coquetry, or temptation, even in a comic form. If this is not given due importance, then there will be a reason for the manifestation of the sexual instinct.
- You shouldn't spend most of your time with your friend. Every person should have a personal space where he can relax. Having your own secrets and secrets is necessary. Sooner or later, each of the friends will have to build personal relationships with the other gender. Constant communication will not leave the opportunity to meet other people.
- A married couple and a couple of friends of different sexes is a huge difference that should be remembered. If you want to have a family, you need to create one. Friendly relationships do not imply living together, visiting shops, cleaning the apartment, etc. When a man or woman has real family, then the other half will experience discomfort, since friends and relatives are accustomed to seeing a person accompanied by a friend.
- It is worth protecting your friend from intimate secrets. Such details can be harmful in future relationships with the opposite sex. Some people tend to perceive physiological characteristics the human body with some disgust, and this information may be superfluous.
- You should seek help in the most extreme cases. If you have the opportunity to deal with the problem yourself, you should not bother your friend. Constantly complaining will have a negative impact on both partners. One person will believe that he is needed only to provide assistance. Another will get used to it so much that a certain reflex may arise: “Only this person is able to help me like no one else.” Such a position can destroy the personal happiness of each of the friends.
Friendship between a man and a woman is possible if there is mutual respect. The desire to maintain a strong relationship must be accompanied by the provision of personal space. This applies to both physical and moral aspects.
Rules for maintaining friendly relations
There are situations when friendship ends suddenly. People were having a great time together, sharing secrets, and then one of them unexpectedly confessed his love for the other. Psychology is such that one person cannot cope with the feelings that wash over him, and the other is not ready to move to another level of relationship. As a result, friends stop communicating.
To avoid such situations, you need to pay attention to some signs that may come from a friend. Ignoring them is not recommended, as such behavior can give false hope and jeopardize the relationship.
Changes in a friend's behavior that may indicate falling in love:
If your friend is overly interested, you need to have a correct conversation with him. For true friendship characterized by mutual understanding. If a friend begins to take offense or make increased demands, it is recommended to interrupt communication. Such relationships can end in hatred.
Many people are concerned about the question: is there friendship between a man and a woman? This topic constantly attracts a lot of attention from the press, television, and the Internet. Some guys who are on friendly terms with girls worry that they will never be able to win the heart of the beauty they like. And how many unfortunate girls suffer, desperate to attract the attention of a specific young man! Growing love from friendship seems like a truly impossible task to many. Is friendship between a man and a woman possible in principle?
Features of attachment
Friendship between a man and a woman, when it arises for some reason, is characterized by a number of distinctive features. These manifestations cannot be ignored and pretend that nothing is happening. As a rule, young people usually do not think about how they really relate to each other and may well replace one concept with another. The older generation already has sufficient relationship experience, so mature man is unlikely to be mistaken about own feelings. The psychology of friendship between a man and a woman has a number of features that deserve special attention. All of them are remarkable and interesting in their own way.
Common interests
In most cases, boys and girls get to know each other at their place of study, or meet in the same company of peers. A friendship develops between them, which many maintain for years, making significant efforts to achieve this. Sometimes a guy marries his close friend, such cases are no exception. IN men's company Often a female friend appears. Such friendship is always built on common interests. For example, close friends play together computer games. They sit in front of the monitor for several hours in a row and do not notice how quickly time flies.
Brings people together very much joint activities sports. Especially young men and teenagers tend to get carried away with something seriously, forgetting about everything in the world. Common aspirations and activities are what bind people tightly together. In such circumstances, friendship can arise between a man and a woman.
Possessiveness
Another important feature is that close friends of the opposite sex always experience some feeling of jealousy towards each other. It is likely that they will not want to admit it even in private. Possessiveness is a natural characteristic of friendship between a man and a woman.
The point is that subconsciously Every person, regardless of gender, wants to please and make an impression. When there is attention from the outside loved one, you don’t want to lose him under any circumstances. This is why there is pronounced jealousy in such relationships. Sometimes close friends unwittingly prevent their friend from having a significant other. The line between friendship and love is very thin here. To cross it means to destroy the past, and not everyone can decide to do such an act.
Constant sacrifice
Sometimes it happens that one of the partners really loves, and the other perceives him exclusively as a friend. At the same time, enthusiastic assurances of sincere devotion and established understanding may be heard. Such loud words create a barrier that not everyone can subsequently easily overcome. Most sane individuals would not want to destroy a relationship that has been built over the years. That's when you really have to suffer. It is precisely such stories, repeatedly heard from the lips of a close friend, that make one doubt whether there is friendship between a man and a woman? Maybe it never existed?
The fact is that no one wants to feel hopelessly and passionately in love. When there is no hope of reciprocation, tender affection turns into a heavy burden. Of course, such feelings do not bring joy, but only disappoint. Living constantly sacrificing yourself is very difficult. A person who is unrequitedly in love at some point is forced to begin to hide his feelings, which leads to general dissatisfaction, emotional instability, and characteristic irritability.
Unfortunately, it often happens that the second partner successfully takes advantage of the current situation. He pretends not to notice the ardent glances because he does not want to lose his friend, and at the same time he is not ready to move to another stage of the relationship. In adults, as a rule, such problems rarely arise, but teenagers often find themselves in the “friend zone”. Anyone who has experienced such experiences at least once would not wish them on anyone. Friendship between a man and a woman is a very specific thing.
Signs of true friendship
Those people who are foaming at the mouth to prove that friendship between a man and a woman exists must understand that such relationships imply quite specific manifestations. There should be no selfishness towards each other. In fact, it is rare for anyone to be able to maintain truly friendly relationships for many years and not even try to pretend to be something more.
Selfless Affection
It is formed when deep trust is established between people. Selfless affection implies that people not only share emotions and experiences with each other, but also actually become very close souls. There is a strong relationship between them emotional connection, which is sometimes absent even among spouses. In this case, there is a friendship between a man and a woman.
Men's opinion on this issue is that they prefer to build friendly relationships with those girls who do not seem sexually attractive to them. Instead of physical attraction, there is a focus on common interests and hobbies. Unselfish affection, however, in most cases implies that both partners are already married. Friendship with married man For many ladies, this is a desirable and attractive prospect, because such a friend will not pester you and you can completely trust him. The friendship of a married man and a married woman can last for years.
The ability to be happy for a friend
Not every person is capable of such an act. Majority in Everyday life guided by selfish considerations. Important decisions are often made with profit in mind. The ability to be happy for a friend is a true attribute of true friendship. When there is no envy of any kind, the desire to gain benefit or deceive a partner, it means that there is genuine high relations. If friends of different sexes are capable of such selfless dedication, then in reality they will never offend or betray each other.
Lack of jealousy
Friendship between a man and a woman is truly possible only when there is no sense of possessiveness on both sides. If there is no jealousy towards each other, and at the same time they manage to maintain sincere relationships for many years, then this indicates a sufficient level of personality development.
Unfortunately, few people manage to have such relationships. As a rule, people strive to receive rather than give. Not everyone can be a disinterested witness of someone else's happiness and truly be happy for their friend. The absence of jealousy is the threshold that distinguishes real mature relationships built on sincere dedication and the desire to help each other. If everyone strived for such relationships, there would be no unwittingly offended and forgotten friends in the world.
The absence of unnecessary jealousy makes the relationship truly pure, gentle and trusting. Being worthy of such high aspirations, people, as a rule, attract those who have a generous, sensitive heart.
Thus, friendship between a man and a woman is serious topic, which has many pitfalls and very difficult circumstances. Most people prefer to build friendly relationships with people of the same sex, because it’s easier to understand how significant and necessary a person is. Friendship between a man and a woman is real, but in reality it is even rarer than real love. The reason is quite banal - every person is to some extent selfish and incapable of being satisfied with thoughts about the happiness of his friend.
Are a man and a woman friends? A hundred years ago it was difficult to imagine. He and she lived in different worlds, not really knowing each other outside of the married couple. Then women started working, schools became coeducational, and everything changed. Our contemporaries get married much later than their ancestors (or do not enter into official marriage at all), and we devote more and more time and space in our lives to friendship.
“Our need for friends is greater than in previous generations, and the opportunity to maintain friendships is greater, since a single person has time for this,” writes Norwegian philosopher Helge Svare in his study. “For many of us, friends, not family, become the fulcrum in life.”
“Friendship between a man and a woman is now something taken for granted,” psychoanalyst Serge Efez comments on the changes that have occurred. - Boys and girls understand each other well from early childhood, they are close emotionally, and it often happens that a boy becomes a “best friend.” But there is no talk here about sexual attraction. It is born of difference, while friendship is nourished by similarity.”
Likewise, in friendships between adult men and women, the similarity of characters and interests comes to the fore, and attraction is put out of the picture... although it does not disappear. “There is no eroticism in it,” the psychoanalyst continues, “and at the same time, friendship cannot arise if he and she do not feel attracted to each other.”
Tatyana and Ruslan: “We are looking in the same direction”
Tatyana, 44 years old, makeup artist:“I’ve been friends with the boys since childhood. It’s more interesting, more comfortable, more understandable with them. I also love men’s perfumes, I can dress like a teenager, I used to do wrestling, now I do boxing. Men do not depend on their mood and will always help you figure it out difficult situations- what is important, what is secondary... We have been friends with Ruslan for 25 years. We're just friends! When I feel bad, I call him and go to him. For what? Calm down, cry... Play backgammon, talk about football. Laughing is a must. We know each other very well, we have been through so much together. We are literally looking in the same direction. A husband cannot become a woman’s friend in the full sense of the word: it is impossible to open up completely with a partner, otherwise the secret and riddle necessary for a relationship will be lost. Why be a mystery to a friend? My husband is relatively calm about the fact that I am friends with Ruslan. But I understand how difficult it is for my friends’ wives to accept our relationship. When Ruslan had serious relationship, his wife asked why he had my photograph in a prominent place in his apartment. He replied that I was like a sister to him. Then she asked: where is the photo of my sister?.. And she’s right: I don’t know how I would feel about my childhood friend own husband, if only he had one. Probably, it’s not even jealousy or a suspicion that we had or have something, it’s just that any woman won’t want to share her man...”
Ruslan, 43 years old, manager:“When we met Tanya, we were 18 years old... We spent a lot of time together and were very close, but nothing could arise between us intimate relationships- after all, Tanya married my friend. We are united by our youth, everything that was experienced together - both good and tragic... The death of my friend, who was her first husband, my trauma - at the age of 22 my leg was amputated... But if there were sexual overtones in our relationship, the friendship wouldn't last that long. We are good old and very reliable friends. Of course, it’s easier for me, I don’t have a family now, she has a husband and three children... Although, when I have a long-term relationship, my chosen ones don’t really like Tanino’s presence in my life. They don’t understand, they are jealous, they suspect. Perhaps because it is difficult with Tanya, she is categorical, straightforward, and can say a lot to her face... I understand well that relationships like ours are rare. I like that I can tell her everything, ask for advice, and see a situation through her eyes. Tanya a wise man, thinks clearly, notices details. Always comes to the rescue... Of course, I can’t help but notice a woman in Tanya. She is bright and beautiful. And I have always been like this, I don’t deny it. But I don’t even have the desire to take the relationship to a different quality. She is a good, reliable friend to me, and I am grateful to her for existing.”
A friend is someone who knows us through and through, to whom we can open our souls without embellishment and without concealment. Friendship is easy to do without the secrecy that is necessary for sexual desire to arise.
“To desire another is to feel that his physical structure has nothing in common with mine,” explains psychoanalyst and sexologist Catherine Blanc. - This difference creates a distance between me and another person, which I strive to fill with sexuality. But with a friend, everything happens differently: unconsciously we strive to again experience that tenderness, that closeness that we once experienced in relationships with our parents, brothers and sisters. And we leave the field of sexuality so as not to provoke a situation of incest.”
A fine line
Many friends emphasize that they are united by brotherly, almost family relationships. They say that there is no attraction in them, but in life everything is much more subtle and ambiguous.
So, in a friendly couple between a man and a woman, a kind of game of seduction often arises... Like 38-year-old Arina with her friend Dmitry: “I like it when he notices new haircut, compliments my dress. Sometimes I tease him: “How strange - you and I know everything about each other, except how we make love!” And we play with this theme, knowing that this will never happen.”
This situation enriches friendship and gives it a unique charm. After all, we need not only our lovers to look at us with interest, we need to maintain our masculinity or femininity, and not only through sex.
In friendship there is a place for both flirting and coquetry, but there is an agreement - public or private - about the boundaries that partners do not cross
"It's like a reminder: I know you beautiful woman(or you are an attractive man), says sexologist Irina Panyukova. - Gallantry does not mean an invitation to physical contact, but it increases the self-esteem of another, his self-confidence, improves mood and indirectly contributes to harmonious relationships outside the circle of friends."
Masculinity and femininity are not mutually exclusive qualities; they are combined in different proportions in each of us, but they manifest themselves in communication with friends differently than with sexual partners.
“At some point, sexual attraction may arise between a man and a woman,” says psychologist Tatyana Voskresenskaya. “However, as adults, they are able to decide not to pursue this desire with each other.”
“It’s important to capture the features different types relationships,” clarifies Irina Panyukova, “and consciously control your behavior in accordance with them, take into account the interests of other people and predict the development of the situation...”
These qualities help us enjoy the gifts of friendship - and are what our experts consider to be the hallmarks of a mature personality.
"Colorful Friendship"
There is a special pleasure in exercising self-control, balancing on the brink of seduction without crossing this line. But this is a game for experienced tightrope walkers. A bright event, strong emotions or accumulated fatigue can upset the balance. And some indulge in what Brazilians call “colorful friendship.”
Friendship is episodic in nature, so friends have their own interests and can be friends with different people
One fine day (or dreary evening) they rush into each other's arms. 39-year-old cellist Victoria and pianist Nikolai were friends until the evening when the two of them held a charity concert.
“We were very worried,” says Victoria. - Nikolay acted as an organizer, compere and accompanist all rolled into one. And for me it was the first solo concert in my life. We played in the same breath, and it seemed that every moment we felt each other. When, after a minute of silence, there was an explosion of applause, we were absolutely happy. That evening we became lovers. But something has changed in our friendship, and now I’m very afraid of losing it.”
Victoria's fears are not in vain. The sexuality of lovers has a different nature. Friendship is about erotic play without consequences. When sex intervenes, the relationship itself changes.
Helge Svare explains: “Friendship is episodic in nature, which is why friends have their own interests and can be friends with different people. Friends don't need to be together all the time. Friendship endures distance. But two lovers want to be together every moment, wanting to almost merge into one.”
Ksenia and Pavel: “We value our closeness too much”
Ksenia, 22 years old, journalist:“It took me a long time to get to know him, and Pasha turned out to be hundreds of times better than I thought at the beginning. We spend a lot of time together: we go to clubs, walk the streets, talk on the phone all night long, drink, joke, miss each other, feel sorry for each other. Or we can just be silent together, be at home (at his or mine) and mind our own business. We even sometimes speak in the same phrases! Pasha is always there when I really need it. I remember how he rushed to pull the tick out of me because I was sobbing in horror. And when I broke my finger, he spent the whole night with me in the hospital. Our friendship is self-sufficient. We value our spiritual closeness so much that we simply cannot destroy it sexual intercourse. I love telling Pasha about my successes, because I know that he will definitely be happy for me, without the eternal female envy. And I often think: but Pasha would understand... Now I say this and understand: how lucky I am to have found a true friend!”
Pavel, 33 years old, photo editor:“I think we met for the first time at some party. But they really became friends only when they started working together. At that time, each of us already had our own novels, so from the first minutes we realized that we wanted to be friends. We simply did not need sexual relations, so nothing stopped us from communicating. Our friendship was formed from common interests and views, some common perception of reality, an outlook on life. Ksyusha is a very wise girl. She supports me in situations in which it is simply impossible to rely on male friends. She also has an absolutely amazing sense of humor, which many men cannot boast of. And at the same time, she knows how to think constructively... Is it possible to ask for more from a friend?”
It may also happen that friendship develops into love even before sexual relations. “But I don’t believe in slowly sliding towards each other, as in Hollywood melodramas,” notes Serge Efez. “Usually some difficult event occurs - the death of loved ones, a divorce - and as a result of the shock, everyone can change their role, look at their friend in a new way - this time with loving eyes.”
Catherine Blanc, in turn, believes that one little thing is enough to act as a detonator: “At a certain moment, an ordinary caress, tender word something is triggered in our consciousness that activates the mechanism of sexuality. But the opposite effect is also possible - some pose, a thought can destroy every thought about sex, because it will remind us of our mother, father, sister...”
There are thousands of reasons why the pendulum can swing from love to friendship and from friendship to love...
Dangerously Close
In friendships between men and women, boundaries are more fluid than in friendships between friends of the same sex. And when they shift, a third character enters the scene - the spouse. After all, friendship between free men and a woman who can satisfy their desires by engaging in sexual relations is not at all the same as between married woman and a married man.
“I forbid myself to communicate with male friends, because I couldn’t stand it if Denis had female friends,” 33-year-old Elena honestly admits.
But 45-year-old Vera agrees to her husband’s friendship with women, although this is not easy for her: “Andrey works in women's team, that's why he has a lot of girlfriends. It would be ridiculous to blame him for this. I'm sure they don't have sex, and yet, such friendship doesn't make me happy,” she says.
Those who are accustomed to seeing a person of the other sex primarily as a sexual object are distrustful of mixed friendships
Serge Efez believes that we do not trust mixed friendships, not because we are afraid that we will be deceived, but because we are unconsciously jealous of spiritual closeness and openness with another person. We know that our worst sides are clearly visible in marriage, and we know how difficult it is to maintain mutual understanding every day. And everyone sees him in a friend better side- a person with whom it is always easy, pleasant and fun.
Laura, 44, remembers being struck by the words of a 60-year-old man who declared during their first (and last) dinner: “A man and a woman cannot be friends.”
“Behind the desire to be someone exceptional for your partner, past grievances and disappointments are often hidden: rivalry with brothers or sisters, fear of being unloved child, notes psychologist Tatyana Voskresenskaya. - These experiences (even if they are expressed in the words “never” and “always”) do not allow you to feel free. In addition, those who are accustomed to seeing a person of the other sex primarily as a sexual object are distrustful of mixed friendships. Even the thought of friendship with him seems to them like a kind of betrayal.”
Sexual attraction is attractive and frightening at the same time. Some people prefer to avoid provoking situations. Others claim that there is no desire in their relationship with a friend: they refuse to see their friend as a man or a woman. And this is an important sign that sexuality occupies a potentially dangerous place in their relationship.
“Between these two positions, there is another, more balanced one: when we recognize the sexual differences between us and the energy that they awaken, but we express it not in sex, but in mutual understanding, in intellectual communication,” concludes Irina Panyukova. This is real wealth that it would be a pity to give up.
Some argue that it does not exist, others prove that it does exist. And everyone is able to give a lot of examples of their rightness. And it will never be possible to answer this question unambiguously. Because whether there really is friendship between a man and a woman, or whether this is just a situation where one loves and the other subconsciously takes advantage of it, has not been fully clarified. But there is always a chance to understand for yourself whether it exists.
Is there friendship between a man and a woman?
According to some psychologists, such a friendship is quite possible, but it can begin after an intimate relationship or end with it. When it arose after intimacy that did not result in long term relationship, it can last a very long time and is considered the strongest. True, only if former partners broke up without mutual insults or reproaches, deciding that it was better for them to be friends and not date. But this happens quite rarely. In the same case, if it appeared without intimacy, and ends with it, it is impossible to save it, since either the man and the woman become a couple, or a breakup and separation occurs.
A separate situation is distinguished when friends are busy people: he is married, she is married. Most often, their halves suffer from it, since they subconsciously fear that it can develop into something more. Especially considering the nature of their communication. If they share absolutely everything, then when their couples have a disagreement, they will seek advice and support from a friend, instead of trying to immediately resolve differences with the people they love. And such behavior clearly does not strengthen the relationship with your husband or wife.
The wife is still capable of showing understanding, but husbands rarely approve of such communication. Most representatives of the stronger sex are sure that they can be friends with a woman for a fairly short time and only if they like her. So it is not surprising that once you get married, any too close communication with others ends. There are exceptions, and husbands do not prohibit communication with old friends, but these are isolated cases.
To allow your chosen one or chosen one to be friends with a friend of the opposite sex, you must have high self-esteem and self-confidence. Otherwise, serious worries, constant irritability, jealousy and a showdown for any reason are guaranteed.
Friendships that arise when people do not have the opportunity to start a relationship are considered quite strange. Usually these are colleagues, associates and people with partners. It can last a long time as long as there are common points of contact and business. At the same time, some psychologists are convinced that the presence friendly relations does not prevent you from experiencing a certain attraction.
It is worth mentioning that the concept of “what is friendship with the opposite sex” is slightly different for men and women. The stronger sex is used to behaving like conquerors. Women for them are potential chosen ones and it doesn’t matter whether it’s for the night or long years. Even their friendship is filled with flirtation and a hint of closer acquaintance. And over time, it can develop into love, which will force him to be around all the time and further. The most interesting thing is that not everyone is able to immediately understand why they continue to be friends for many years.
As for the fair sex, women easily enjoy ordinary communication and are indeed capable of experiencing exclusively friendly feelings towards a man, and not just romantic ones. For them, a friend is just a friend, albeit of the opposite sex. Although girls are not immune from falling in love with a friend, or they specifically make friends with those with whom they are secretly in love. Hoping that someday they will see them and share feelings.
Photo: friendship between a man and a woman
Is there friendship between a man and a woman?
Another group of psychologists says this is impossible. Even if there are those who say the opposite. Their opinion is based on the fact that female psychology is designed in such a way that when a woman is free, she subconsciously begins to look for a life partner. And she continues to live in this expectation until she meets him. She has close communication with any man only when he evokes positive emotions, she is pleased in his company, she feels interest and support on his part. And over time she gets used to having him around. He becomes the one who satisfies her need for a partner, even if the fair sex does not yet realize this.
Unlike women, the opposite sex always knows what it needs from a person. He knows who he wants to see next to him and what level of communication to build. A man is able to maintain such communication with a woman for several reasons: either he dreams of taking them to a closer level and becoming not a friend, but a groom, or this is just a friend with whom he can behave relaxed, share some personal experiences, ask for advice, speak out and listen to what a wonderful person he is.
The woman turns into a kind of personal psychotherapist for him. The stronger sex is not used to going to psychologists, but everyone needs to receive support and attention. And when there is little or not enough, a woman friend comes to the rescue. Male friends, of course, support each other, but often it is important for them to feel admiration from those whom they want to conquer, delight and conquer, i.e. from the fair half of humanity. And they also want to know all the secrets of conquering it, and who will help with this if not a female friend.
Of course, everyone benefits from such friendship, especially when both are single. The girl enjoys being in company handsome guy, it’s flattering for her to catch the glances of other girls, although she is not his girlfriend, but it pleases her vanity. She can discuss personal problems with him without fear that he will take her boyfriend away from her. His help in the house is always useful. He won’t say that she’s fat, because he doesn’t care, and if he secretly dreams of becoming her boyfriend, he’ll always give her a compliment, something you won’t get from his girlfriends. Representatives of the fair sex consider each other competitors in the fight for men's hearts, they want to be the best and they are not used to praising their friends.
But we must not forget that in friendships, if this is a person of the opposite sex, there is always a slight element of platonic love. It can not be in any other way. Friends are those people who suit us by temperament, often share common interests, life values, and are always ready to help in Hard time. When people respect someone, they enjoy being around them, and they receive a lot of positive emotions from communication.
Therefore, it is not surprising that the majority do not believe that there can be friendship between a man and a woman. And there is a lot of evidence for this, such as: what common interests a girl and a guy can have. Do they enthusiastically discuss cars, motorcycles, sports, girls or boys they have met, or maybe makeup, clothes and the latest gossip?!
And when a lover or beloved appears on the horizon for one of them, jealousy immediately reminds itself of itself as soon as they communicate less. And we can say a hundred times that this is not true, but all people are owners by nature and it is very difficult for them when drastic changes burst into their usual way of life that they did not strive for. If parents who understand that their children should not be alone all their lives, jealousy often arises that their beloved child now spends more time with another person and not with them, let alone friends.
Photo: friendship between a man and a woman
And even if at this moment none of them realizes that they have long been in love with their “friend,” their other halves will not approve of such close communication. Few girls will like the fact that her beloved runs at the first call to repair a faucet or move furniture. Because adults know that such close communication can cause a hormonal explosion that can end in bed.
The debate about whether men and women can truly be friends has continued for many years and never subsides. It was not possible to find an answer to this question. After all, a lot of examples in some situations prove that it exists and can last for many years, and in others that it does not exist and sooner or later everything turns into a relationship or separation. Therefore, everyone is free to decide for themselves whether it is possible or whether representatives of the opposite sex can only have family, romantic or business relationships.
Friendship is something to think about ordinary people and scientists. They wrote about her in poetry, they made films about her. The topic remains inexhaustible to this day. The friendship between a woman and a man is the subject of heated debate, because such relationships are often controversial and are called friendship. Some believe that friendship between a man and a woman is impossible, while others are convinced of the opposite. In this article we will consider this issue, focusing on the approach of psychologists.
Experts say there are no wrong people in a dispute - each person has an individual definition of such a relationship. There are friends who meet once a year, but at the same time they are the closest people in the world. Some people communicate every day, have fun, share secrets - but do not even consider themselves friends. When a man and a woman communicate closely, everything becomes even more complicated, because due to psychological differences they see, understand and perceive each other completely differently. Friendship between a woman and a man has too fine a line with love, and therefore they are confused quite often. The gesture in the photo is equally characteristic of friends and lovers.
In psychology, friendship is the spiritual closeness of people, built over a long time under the influence of certain factors. Friendly relationships have a key component - “psychological compatibility”: uniformity of interests, bilateral respect, a common format of communication, bilateral support, the desire for exclusivity in relationships.
- Interest: the time spent brings satisfaction to both parties. An important condition is common points of contact (same hobbies, memories, common topics conversations that are interesting to both parties).
- Intimacy: Friends know everything about each other. Friendships cannot exist when one person has the other's personal information but does not share information about themselves.
- Mutual respect: When people are friends, they accept and respect the actions of the other party, even without supporting them.
- Adopting an equal communication format: if one participant constantly takes (uses financial assistance, constantly asks for advice, has the opportunity to speak out), without giving this in response - the friendship is doomed.
- Collaborative support: the ability to support determines the readiness to come to the rescue at any time.
- Striving for exclusivity. IN certain situation friendship is characterized by a special closeness. Which cannot be with all other people.
The opinion of psychologists regarding the types of friendships allows us to distinguish three types of relationships:
- Buddies - initial stage, with a weak degree of attachment. Friendly relations They call it a fun, interesting pastime, the absence of serious obligations, a positive attitude, and the absence of “stress.” The principle applies: “When there is no positive benefit (fun, interest), communication will stop.”
- A good friend - according to scientists, friends who become close become good friends. They do not claim an exclusive place in life, but unlike their friends, they are ready to have fun and provide help in unfavorable conditions for themselves. The principle applies: “If there is no positive benefit, the friendship will remain for some time.”
- The best friend is a time-tested person life situations. The need for constant positive satisfaction from joint communication disappears (in the absence of fun, communication remains). The principle applies: “If there is no positive benefit, friendship still exists.”
Symbiosis of opposites
So, friendship between a woman and a man must meet all the characteristics given above, develop gradually, and bring both parties appropriate satisfaction from communication. Does this happen in life? It happens, which means friendship between a man and a woman is possible. But there is one significant feature!
The possible sexual attraction inherent in the inside of every person psychologically and physiologically clearly distinguishes such relationships from same-sex relationships. This subtle nuance turns friendship into love or provokes the development of special scenarios that scientists have long studied and systematized. Let's sort it out different variants developments of events.
- There is no sexual desire.
There is no friendship between a man and a woman without thoughts of hypothetical sex. This is what sexologists say, who do not consider these thoughts a sign of sexual desire. Even if a man and woman do not take steps towards sex, rare thoughts about possible intimacy still arise. This is facilitated by physical intimacy (touching, hugging), relaxed relationships, the need to confirm one’s own attractiveness (if a guy doesn’t show much interest in a girl, then she wonders “what’s wrong with me”). The reaction of others adds fuel to the fire - constant questions “Are you a couple?”, as well as jealousy sexual partners friends. A complete lack of attraction can only occur in communication with a person of unconventional orientation. There are different rules that apply here, similar to same-sex friendships.
- One experiences sexual desire.
The traits of friendship coincide with the traits characteristic of loving couples. There is interest, trust, mutual assistance, which means that later someone will develop sexual desire and love. When a certain sexual craving arises, friends become lovers. Sexual sympathy that arises in only one person causes unrequited love: A woman or man offers devotion, but is refused, causing awkwardness or resentment. This is the first reason why long friendships end.
Feelings may be hidden by a man out of fear of breaking the connection. Is there friendship between people in this situation? Yes, but the relationship is vulnerable, based on the suppression of emotions, constant control, devoid of sincerity.
- Sexual desire arose/occurs in two people.
The current opinion of experts: a man and a woman can be friends if they separate peacefully after love relationship. Other psychologists are sure: if former couples kept a good relationship, then it’s hard to say whether friendship is possible. The love affair is not over - in 95% of cases the romance is renewed.
An excellent option for a relationship with meaning - former friends officially become a couple. Practice shows that the results are harmonious, happy, strong families, because the spouses have a lot in common.
Often long-distance relationships turn into friendships, because ex-lovers It’s hard to be faithful, but I don’t want to spoil the relationship. Can this friendship survive? Hardly. Once friends meet, they become lovers again, if they meet at all.
Why “married couples” don’t have conflicts
Is there friendship between a married man and a married woman? Psychologists answer - no. Married people can only be friends during family gatherings. Freeing personal time from family indicates the involvement of sexual attraction. Why would a woman risk her family, waste time for the sake of extraneous male attention? Someone else's husband should not arouse interest in a woman, because a lady instinctively puts her own family above all else. Ten signs will help you understand that two married “friends” think the least about friendship:
- Friends give each other (or one of them) gifts: expensive and not so expensive, cute trinkets, their own crafts.
- Compliments are used by women only if a man is attractive to them. Fake friends don't forget to do them.
- Appearance photos together, which did not exist before.
- Too frequent physical contact. Friends, as a rule, not only do not pay attention to them, but also rarely physically touch, since they communicate in other ways.
- Frequent general activities like shopping, etc.
- Fake friends help each other regularly and are reliable at any time of the day.
- Ambiguous statements from friends regarding the choice made, the importance of the stamp in the passport.
- The sudden appearance in a woman's circle of interests of fishing or hunting, for example, and in a man - special abilities as a cook or pastry chef.
- Pseudo friends apologize to each other for every little thing.
- Unusual friends always have a whole lot of very global and lofty topics to talk about.
Friendship between a man and a woman - does it exist? Psychology is clear: friendship between men and women exists, but it differs from the relationships of same-sex people, it has a cyclical nature, as well as temporary manifestations. The main difference is the possible or existing intimate connection, which often complicates friendship. One of the interesting opinions can be found in the following video:
