How to let someone go from your thoughts? Advice from a psychologist will help you cope with this problem. To some extent, human life consists of encounters and losses. Over time, things become obsolete, people leave, and with death everything is lost. Therefore, it is so important to learn to part with what is dear to the heart.

Former does not mean last

When the problem arises of how to let a person go from thoughts, the advice of a psychologist invariably has significant significance. It is especially difficult to part with a loved one with whom you have lived long years. To cope with negative and destructive feelings, follow these recommendations:

Don't block your emotions. Crying, getting angry, grieving are natural. Such emotions need to be thrown out, and not contained. When they subside, the recovery stage begins. There is a specific process for getting rid of feelings and letting a person go. At this time, people can behave strangely (drastically change their image, move to another city, eat their sadness with chocolate, etc.). Let him do it. This is completely normal.

At maximum distance. Get rid of his things photos together, exclude him from your “friends” in social networks, try to meet with him less often.

There is no need to embellish the past. When you scroll in your head only the good moments that happened between you, you will not see the real state of affairs. It has long been established that emotions can affect memory. Because of this, your brain may come up with imaginary situations that match your current thoughts. Just remember why you broke up and understand that nothing good would have come of it.

Take care of yourself. When you want to close yourself off from everyone, you shouldn’t do this. Now is the time the right time for doing your favorite things. Now you will put yourself first, which will allow you to move forward.

Don't blame everyone. How often have you heard that men are goats and women are fools? Try to notice only good qualities in people. Even in a complete cynic you can find a positive trait. It's a completely different matter if you only choose bastards. But this is a different problem.

Ask friends for help. They will support you, share their experiences and prevent you from getting bogged down in depression.

Letting go of destructive friendships

If you constantly notice how a friend simply uses you, often loses his anger, and if after communicating with him you feel emotionally empty, then it’s time to let him go. Such friendship draws energetic forces makes you a completely different person and affects other areas of life. How to survive this? Helpful Tips:

Be positive. Your refusal is destructive friendly relations indicates maturity. You and your friend just diverged. Mentally thank him for the experience, because it helped you grow as a person.

Be polite. If a person asks what is going on, tell the truth. If this is difficult, explain that your paths have diverged and communicating together makes you a different person. He will probably be angry, but try not to pay attention to it.

Make new acquaintances. To start, you just need to surround yourself with new people with whom you feel comfortable. Find yourself a community of interests, start going to the gym, otherwise expand your interests. Expand your world to reduce the influence of your ex-friend.

Figure out what you expect from friendship. We'll have to start introspecting. Answer these questions for yourself: What kept you and your friend together? What was missing from this friendship? What qualities should your friend have?

Change yourself. When you get along with yourself, life becomes joyful and understandable. Change yourself, then your worldview and the people around you will change.

Goodbye unrequited love!

It is extremely difficult to forget a person loved with all your heart and soul. But it’s even worse if you love, but you don’t. You won’t be nice by force, so unrequited love must be erased from life. A psychologist's advice on how to let go of a loved one from your thoughts is as follows:

Look at the object of your longing again. Most likely, you idolized him and awarded him with traits that he did not have at all. You can't waste time on a person who doesn't even see your efforts.

There is no need to live with expectations. You can live in unrequited love for a long time. But is it worth it? Your loved one lives in the present and enjoys life. So you do the same, having first told him: “Goodbye!” It is possible to look into the future by analyzing relationships in the past. For example, you have been a lover for 2 years married man. He periodically comes with flowers, complains about his wife, and you hope that he will someday get a divorce and you will finally live happily. If this did not happen in 2 years, then it will never happen.

Keep your distance. If you decide to throw a person out of your head, then it is better not to see him. When the “irritant” is not in sight, it is much easier to wean yourself off the person.

Don't blame yourself. Anything can happen in life. There are also positive side- experience. You've learned a valuable lesson and now know better what you want.

In any situation, if you decide to let go of someone close to you, there is one universal advice. Love yourself first. Self-love is a manifestation of healthy selfishness. This is how it should be, there is nothing reprehensible in this.

Fill your life with your hobbies, go to fitness, go fishing, meet friends more often, travel. This way you will live your life, and you will hardly notice that you have let the person go. One day you will be surprised to notice that enough time has passed without you even remembering it.

The main mistakes when breaking up

IN difficult situations humans tend to make mistakes. Sometimes mistakes are so serious that they interfere with life. full life, and sometimes even harm your health.

Sometimes people, in an attempt to forget their loved ones, begin to build illusions and convince themselves that it is possible to resurrect the relationship. All life is built on dreams; in psychology there is even an appropriate term - fantasy compensation.

Others start looking for the answer at the bottom of the bottle or get hooked on drugs. This is the most easy way distract from worries, but the most deadly. It is very, very difficult to get rid of addiction. Before you buy a bottle of alcohol, try to follow psychological recommendations. It's hard mentally, but at least it doesn't cause physical harm.

Another dangerous mistake is losing faith in love and friendship. Many women and men are unable to build harmonious relationships, because they were disappointed in their feelings. The fear of being betrayed again, deceived and experiencing all the negative feelings turns out to be stronger. As a result, a psychological barrier appears.

A person must be released in a positive way. People come and go from our lives for certain reasons. Be philosophical about this. Who knows, maybe new feelings await you around the next corner?

We hope that the article “How to let someone go from your thoughts: advice from a psychologist” was useful to you! If you want to find a harmonious relationship in which you can love and develop, check out the course by Konstantin Dovlatov.

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Resentment, claims, anger, indignation. Few can say that they have never experienced this. Many of these emotions and reactions leave deep wounds in the Soul for a long time. Sometimes they hurt unbearably, and constantly remind you of themselves.

How to forgive and let someone go? And why is it necessary to do this?

Reason #1

I have already written that we receive most of our beliefs in childhood. We don’t remember any injuries - they were too small.

But they do not disappear anywhere, and one of our “I”s is frozen at the age of the injury received: several years, months or even days (there are also earlier injuries, when the baby is in the womb).

And it doesn’t matter how old we are - 20, 30, 40, or maybe 80 - as soon as a similar situation arises in life, resonating with previous experience, a small, traumatized child awakens in us, and the emotion that he experienced at that moment.

We receive a fair amount of trauma throughout our lives. But this is not a reason to consider yourself an unfortunate Victim.

Let's try to look at everything that happens to us from the other side.

This may seem unusual to some.

Our Soul comes to this world to receive its Lessons and experience the chosen Emotional Experience. Therefore, we are born in a certain country, at a certain time, to certain parents.

And everyone’s Start in life is different. It is at the beginning of the Path that we receive knowledge that shapes our subsequent experience.

Our task is to understand which of them are true, and where we are mistaken.

The problem is that if we believe in something, we no longer question our faith and act as if it were the Truth!

Our Reality always reflects our Beliefs!

For example, if a little girl has the idea that she is not loved (or betrayed), she will unconsciously attract situations and people into her life who will confirm this every time.

The more evidence, the stronger her Conviction will be! And the stronger it is, the more similar situations there are!

This will continue until the Illumination comes: “It’s not about my Offenders! It’s about my Beliefs!”

If we look from these positions, we should feel Gratitude for the Souls of those people whom we attracted into our life scenario. They played in it exactly the Role that we prepared for them.

They are the ones who show us what we should pay attention to. And as soon as we Understand and Accept this, such situations disappear from our lives. They are no longer relevant. The behavior of former “Offenders” is also changing. After all, the lesson has been learned!

So, ask your “Offenders” for forgiveness and thank them!

After all, in relation to someone we can play exactly the same Role (although we don’t realize it)!

We are all both Students and Teachers in this Life!

We are accustomed to judging our own and other people’s actions only from the point of view of social laws, social norms and formed ideas: “What is correct?” But there are also laws of the Universe.

Sometimes it is worth rising a little above our grievances and seeing the Higher Meaning of what is happening to us.

When we look from the position of the Victim, one picture unfolds before us. And although it is not very encouraging, many people get stuck in this position. And they do not admit to themselves or others that it is beneficial to them (you can always blame someone else).

If we become an Explorer, we see many more connections! And not just one picture, but a Whole Panel.

When viewed from the position of the Researcher, the question is: " How to forgive and let someone go? “Perhaps it will disappear on its own.

Because the understanding will come that: “I am the Director of my Life. So is it worth being offended by your own Creation?”

Reason #2

ALL THE BEST!

WITH THANKS! ARINA

From the letter:

I loved one man. Long and painful. He didn’t say “yes” or “no”, he didn’t seem to hold on, but he didn’t let go either. Six years - between heaven and earth. Six years is a downer. This man himself disappeared from my life (he left for another country), but I am still with him in my thoughts.

I conduct silent dialogues, remember everything that happened between us. And I understand that that all-consuming feeling in my heart is no longer there, that I need to close this door and move on, but I continue to “hold” the man with manic persistence - look for his features in others, get hung up on the name (if my new acquaintance is not Alexander , then he has no chance)…

"Let him go!" - speaks best friend, but does not explain how. And how can she explain if she herself is still attached to ex-husband(although he stubbornly denies it)? They divorced three years ago, but Dasha is still interested in his affairs, tries to talk about life, looks at photos of his current passion on social networks, and talks a lot about him at girls’ get-togethers. And I know for sure that he doesn’t like it! After all, she herself fled from him like the plague! And now it won’t let go.

Tell us, women who don’t know how to do this - HOW to let someone go, situation, past?

Margarita

Common situations, you will agree. Almost every one of us has gone through a breakup and the need to let go at some point in our lives. loved one... This process is quite painful. Why is it so hard for us to let go? To understand this, it is worth understanding: what we are holding on to, what exactly we are tying ourselves to the object of our feelings, what this connection gives us and what prevents us from untangling it.

Why is it so hard to let go?

Why hold on to anything at all? To feel stable when you are not sure of yours.

Have you seen a baby who is about to take his first steps? He already walks well, holding on to his parent’s hand, wall or sofa, but has not yet decided to tear himself away from the support. If at this moment you give him a piece of paper and grab it, he will calmly step on his own (at such a young age, a child is able to focus on only one thing, and in this case- This tactile sensation from something to hold on to. The baby is not yet able to see the illusory nature of the circumstances as a whole).

We adults also desperately need a feeling of support. And even if the support turns out to be imaginary (which you don’t want to realize), it will be scary to let go of it.

We are tied to our chosen one by our own expectations, that this particular person will satisfy all our needs, and that it is with him that happiness is possible.

When starting a relationship, we, willingly or unwillingly, draw pictures of a future together. And if the partner suddenly leaves, this supposed future collapses before our eyes, and the certainty that they managed to cling to is again replaced by the unknown - and this is scary.

Escaping from anxiety, there is a great temptation (which often happens) to grab onto the last thread - hope, which is then extremely difficult to get rid of. On it you can swing the pendulum of your experiences for a long time and painfully: from fantasies and attempts to return your loved one to disappointment and resentment.

At the same time, deep in the unconscious, closing the ears of sanity, our inner self-centered Child can scream: “I WANT exactly this toy and this candy! I’ve already imagined what I can play with her and how delicious it will be for me!”

When things don't go the way we want, it can be extremely difficult to come to terms, especially in matters to which we have given excessive importance. The response is often an obsessive desire to increase control.

This is the problem with our mind: it tends to perceive events that do not fit into the scenario it has come up with as obstacles. We begin to build new strategic plans, fight and resist, trying to bend reality to our expectations.

As a result, we waste a lot of time and only make the situation worse. Our failure to achieve goals in matters of control is perceived as a personal failure, and this often leads to depression.

Read more about getting out of depression in the article “ How to get out of depression»

People, as a rule, shift responsibility for their shattered expectations onto those in connection with whom they arose. Resentment and/or “righteous” anger will be directed at these same partners. The thirst to enjoy retribution (to wait until he is in the same pain) or the desire to find confirmation that the causes of the problems were not in you, oddly enough, can also chain you to your ex-lover for a long time.

Hence such an attentive and biased look at his new life and relationships. Although it can be difficult to admit such motives even to yourself.

How can we ensure that the connection that was originally intended to support us does not suddenly turn into a noose tightening around the neck of our life with coils of unprocessed emotions? It is definitely worth observing some safety precautions and taking certain steps.

How to let go of a person or the path to your own liberation

Respectively, how to let someone go, situation, past? – You need to stop fighting the feelings that captivate you. On the contrary, it is better to immerse yourself in them, try to listen and understand what they are telling you, live them completely - live them to the point of emptiness (you yourself will decide what to fill the empty space inside, finding new opportunities for development, self-education and communication).

If strong emotions interfere with work or home activities, you can choose a specific time when you allow yourself to feel “to the fullest.”

Also, as a counterintuitive method, try making this a regular chore. Set a time, for example from 21:00 to 22:00, when you MUST remember the one you decided to let go.

Firstly, the rest of the time you will be free from your obsession, putting aside your thoughts for the treasured hour.

Secondly, you yourself know how our “guts” protest against any “obligation” and strive in every possible way to avoid it... In a word, watch what comes of it. The result may surprise you.

• Don't judge yourself that they have not yet been able to cope with their addiction. Take care of yourself as if you were a little sick but already recovering. Pamper yourself with various pleasures, take yourself out to people, take you to beautiful places, find interesting things to do.

• Give yourself time to go through all the stages of grief.. You can determine for yourself how long this process will take: a year and a half or several months. But it is important not to get stuck at any stage. If you feel that, having entered into some kind of negative emotional condition If you stay in it for too long, it is better to seek help from a psychologist.

I think you won’t miss the moment of final letting go, like a prisoner who has taken off his shackles or balloon flying into the sky. A sigh of relief: there is no more pain, resentment, claims and expectations inside, there is only warmth and gratitude.

By completely ending a past relationship, you will be open to meeting another person. Having done this, you will no longer look at your new partner through the prism of previous connections, but will be able to accept him for who he is.

So that in the future you don’t have to wonder: “ How to let someone go?,” it is important to learn all the lessons from past experience and not repeat old mistakes.

Prevention from “sticking”

• Take it as an axiom: expectations don’t work. It makes no sense to expect specific actions, words, or emotions from your partner. You are you, and he is him. No one has to live up to your expectations, just as you don’t have to live up to anyone else’s.
• Don't make other people responsible for your feelings. Remember that you choose the emotions you want to experience. It is not you who are angry or offended, but you who are angry or offended.
• Don't have any illusions: if someone behaves as if he doesn’t care about you, it means he really doesn’t care about you, and you shouldn’t justify him in your eyes and try to change him. There are other worthy contenders around.
• Don't exceed your authority you are only a participant in the general Stream of life. Agree, the river has no malicious intent to break someone’s destiny. You can harm yourself by standing across its current. Your task is to learn to swim or control your boat in order to fit into all the bends and turns of the River of Life and to pass its rocky rapids as safely as possible.
• In order not to interfere with the Stream to carry you to the desired shores, it is enough to change tactics: switch the focus of your attention from control to observation. Feel like a hunter recognizing the signs of Fate. If you no longer like the situation, do not continue moving - you will fall into a trap. Take what happened as a SIGN that your behavior and direction need to change. Having stopped focusing your gaze on one point, you will begin to notice many other people and opportunities around you that can bring you closer to your desired goals (of course, when the goal is not a specific person, but, for example, the intention to build harmonious relationships and get married).

Love is a great feeling that inspires and makes people better. But how difficult it is to meet mutual true love. As a rule, usually one loves, and the second takes advantage of this and leaves at the first opportunity. It is difficult to be in the place of the other half that is being used. After all, when the first frantic love passes, it becomes clear who really loves and who takes advantage of the helplessness of their partner.

Be close to dear person, hugging your loved one and falling asleep in a warm embrace is the height of bliss. But what to do when you begin to understand that your other half is suffering from the fact that falling in love has passed, and there is no longer anything that would keep you close? The best thing in this situation is to let go and forget. It's very painful, no one argues. But it really will be better for both.

Just don’t decide to do this spontaneously. Breaking off a relationship is not as easy as it might seem. Think about each step, “scroll” this situation in your head and act.

Why you need to let go of someone who doesn't love you

There are a lot of signs that show that it is necessary to let go of the person leaving. Here are just the most important of them:

You find yourself humiliating yourself in front of your partner, begging for reciprocal feelings.

No wonder they say that all lovers see the world in pink color. Maybe not the world, but the object of one’s adoration, for sure. We don’t notice our partner’s shortcomings, mistakes, and even more so, how he really treats you.

But on an intuitive level, everyone is able to understand that something wrong is happening. Are there no answers to your tender feelings? Are you paying less and less attention and your partner is trying to spend more and more time not with you? It's time to think and take off your rose-colored glasses. Analyze and prepare for impact. Sooner or later he will follow. Just don’t beg for love and don’t humiliate yourself, it will be even more offensive later.

Intimacy and nothing more.

Don't think that this can't happen. After all, your partner’s feelings can only be dictated by carnal passion, which you, at first, mistook for love. No one is saying that physical intimacy is not important. But this is not the main thing in a relationship. Passion will pass over the years, but people must feel love for each other in order to continue living together. Where has the love gone? Was she there?

You trust your loved one too much, but he doesn’t trust you.

In your feeling loving person becomes blind. He trusts his partner with all his problems, shares them, seeks understanding and help. But take a closer look, do they really trust you? Does your loved one tell you about his difficulties and hardships or does he hide the truth? Also, does he keep his word to you? Do you need to cry into your pillow from resentment when you are once again deceived or not fulfilled a promise? Or just let it go and forget?

Sacrifice yourself, but this cannot be done.

What keeps a person who doesn't love you next to you? Of course it's a benefit. He's just comfortable around you. In addition, out of a sense of selfishness, an unloving person tries to force you to prove your love for him. That is, in every suitable situation, sacrifice yourself. If you find yourself having to sacrifice your plans, tastes or judgment several times in a row, then you are definitely being taken advantage of. Think about it and observe. But stop sacrificing yourself. No one needs this dedication, least of all you.

After analyzing the pros and cons, you decide that your partner does not love you. So how can you give up the obsessive illusion that everything can still be fixed? The time will come and this will still have to be done. So let this happen when you are ready for a serious conversation and a break.

Let go and forget

There are only two options for breaking up with a person who doesn’t love you:

“You yourself will decide to take this step and take the initiative into your own hands.” This is very difficult, but sometimes, in order not to expose yourself to even more pain, it is better to do just that;

“The day will come when your loved one will simply slam the door and leave, leaving behind the bitterness of resentment.

In any of the options, you will be incredibly painful and annoyed. Misunderstanding of what is happening, bitterness and pain - this is what awaits you after a breakup. But now we need to think about what to do next. It is necessary to get out of this situation as calmly as possible and cause yourself the least harm.

A person who loves deeply has difficulty realizing that there is no reciprocal feeling. He grabs the thread of his love like a life preserver. It seems to him that if he lets go of this “straw”, he will drown. Don't imagine feelings for your partner as saving. You were alone until this moment, so now you are not afraid to remain alone in the future. Not only has your loved one never saved you, but now he won’t help you. For what? After all, he doesn't need you. Don’t think that when he disappears from your life, everything will be covered in darkness. This is wrong! The false hopes you place on your loved one will not come true. Some time after the breakup, you will understand that the world is bright and interesting even when the one you love so much is not around.
Learn to be grateful. After all, by and large, it is not your loved one’s fault that he does not have a reciprocal feeling for you. It happened that way. Forgive him for not being able to give you happiness and love, for not being able to understand in time that there are no feelings, and don’t blame him for anything. Accept that the reasons that prevented you from being loved may never be known. Most likely, he himself cannot name them.
Take a piece of paper and write on it what you are grateful for to this person. List everything important points when you felt like the happiest and most unhappy person in the world. Negative emotions are also an experience that will prevent you from making mistakes in the future. Our meetings and partings are not accidental; they give us the opportunity to reflect and learn from our mistakes and failures. Just don’t be disingenuous with yourself, sincerely thank your loved one for being in your life.
To restore your peace of mind and avoid doing anything stupid at the time of separation, try meditating. It is not difficult. You need to know the sequence of actions and tune in to relaxation.

- In order to, you need to stay in the room alone. It is advisable to know that no one will disturb you at this time;

— Turn off the TV, phones and doorbell;

— Sit comfortably in a chair, on a sofa, on the floor and relax;

— Turn on any meditation course you find on the Internet and close your eyes.

Make a boat out of paper and set it floating along a river or stream. Think that troubles and misfortunes will float away with it, and the fresh current will bring you only joy. Wish the ship a happy voyage and say parting words.
Buy shoes a size smaller, give them a big name “ADDEPENDENCE”, put them on and don’t take them off all day. At the end of the day, when you kick off these terrible shoes, you will realize that life without addiction is much easier.

No matter how the breakup happens, keep yourself in control. Yours will not pity anyone. Moreover, a person who does not love you will not love you now.

Let's return to the two scenarios discussed above.

So, you have decided that the person next to you does not love you at all, but is only using you. It’s difficult to decide to break up on your own, but it’s better today than later, when it will be even more painful. Think through the details of the conversation and the moments that may become key. Warn your partner that you want to have a serious conversation with him. Prepare a delicious dinner and set the table beautifully. Let this be another noble gesture on your part. Don't start a conversation over food, find topics that are close and interesting to both of you. Now that you are both calm, you can start the conversation. Talk about how good it was for you together. Explain to the person that you understand perfectly well that he does not love you and further stay together will only be torment. Don't lie and don't take the blame. Never say that you have found someone else. After all, this deliberate lie will cause a feeling of possessiveness in someone who doesn’t love you, which will force him to stay with you, and then you will be completely confused in your relationship.
The second option is much more complicated. Usually the partner leaves unexpectedly, sometimes without even warning about his departure. You return home and there is a note. Or it happens during a scandal, when your loved one, having showered you with insults, packs up his things and runs away into the night forever. The first desire is to run after. After all, he was offended by you. This means you are to blame, and therefore you urgently need to apologize. Stop! Don't rush things. This is another test of whether your significant other loves you or not. If he loves you, he will definitely return. And if not, then there is only one way out - let go once and forget.

Cut it off! Everything that happened until the moment you closed the door behind your unfulfilled dream. Every adult has experienced this at least once in their life. We fall in love, lift the object of our adoration to the skies, and he lowers us to the ground with complete indifference. There are few lucky people in the world who have not experienced a fiasco in love.

Only one thing can be said with certainty - it will be painful and offensive, sleepless nights and a sea of ​​​​tears await you. Cry, let it out negative emotions and bitter feelings, pour out the negativity and calm down. Don't believe anyone who says tears are not a cure. First of all, tears are the best release of negative emotions that cannot be kept to yourself. Another thing is that you don’t want anyone else to see your suffering. Again, an outsider. Close people can understand your pain and help you overcome this misfortune. This pain will accompany you for some time, but you need to move on. No matter how much it hurts you, do not try to win back someone who has left. If he has feelings for you, he will return, and if you were right and they don’t like you, it’s better to let him go.