Almost every person loves it. They especially amuse people short stories, funny and amusing that happened in real life. Such cases will be great entertainment for any company. Short stories, funny, original, cheerful - this is exactly what you need for a pleasant pastime. They are a kind of joke. However, the difference is that taken from real life, they sound much more interesting. You can laugh at these comical, twisted plots for a very long time without stopping.
Short stories. Funny incidents from life
So, if you are planning to relax with friends, rest assured that everyone will enjoy this kind of entertainment. Short stories and funny incidents can instantly lift the spirits of those around you. And if you are endowed with a good memory, you probably have a lot of them. Short stories - funny, kind, comical - about your acquaintances and friends will give you smiles and a lot of positive emotions. Let's consider where various situations most often occur.
Military service
You can often hear, for example, interesting stories from people's lives - funny, short - about the military. For example, this one. A man talks about his time in the army. While he was on duty at a checkpoint, an elderly couple approached him. The woman began to wonder where the tank unit was located nearby. The son allegedly served there, according to her. The duty officer tried to explain to the spouses that there was no tank unit nearby. In response to this, the couple tried desperately to prove that their son would not deceive them. The woman’s last argument was the photograph shown to the duty officer. It showed a young “tanker” with a proud posture, leaning out from the waist up with a lid in his hands in front of him. You can imagine how the soldier on duty laughed. Such interesting stories from people's lives (funny, short) are heard very often among the military.
Cases with documents
Where else can you find funny funny moments? Surprisingly, you can often hear stories from life, funny, short, related to working with documents. Here is one of them. The man needed to obtain a certificate for the notary's office at the State Bureau of Investigation. The office worker asked how urgently he needed the document (the cost of registration for three days is sixty-eight rubles, for two - one hundred and five). The man settled on the second option, since time, as they say, was running out. Having paid money at the cash register, I received the answer: “Come on Monday.” And it was Thursday. The girl explained that they are closed on Saturday and Sunday. “What if I paid for three days?” - asked the man. The girl explained that he would still have to come for a certificate on Monday. “Why did I pay forty rubles more?” - the man asked. "Like this? Time is running out. To get a certificate a day earlier,” the girl explained. Of course, such stories from life, funny and short, can only infuriate you at first. However, over time, you will remember such incidents with a smile on your face.
On a rest
Next option. Short funny stories from real life related to vacations are no less popular than the above. A lot of curiosities can be seen on the beach. How fun it was, for example, for vacationers watching the following picture. A married couple with an eight-year-old son was relaxing on the seashore. The family forgot to take the Panama hats with them. The wife went to the room to get some hats, leaving the child with the father. When she returned, she did not see her husband, but her son... He was buried in the sand. One head stuck out. To the question “Where is dad?” the boy replied: “He’s swimming!” “Why are you here?” - asked the mother. The child cheerfully declared: “Dad buried it so that I wouldn’t get lost!” Of course, it’s hard to call such an act serious, but everyone had fun!
Abroad
Short funny stories from real life sometimes continue, developing into longer, drawn-out ones. The guide tells one of them. A group of Russian tourists (hockey players) went on a boat excursion along a mountain river. Often, guides provoke water fights between vacationers. This time the Germans became rivals for the Russians. Moreover, the excursion was held on May 9...
One could imagine how excited the hockey players were when they found out who they were fighting against. With shouts of “For the Motherland!” and “For victory!” they furiously splashed their oars through the water. However, they quickly got tired of this too. Turning over the objecting guide along the way, they rushed at the enemy directly on the boats, quickly turning them over into the water.
It would seem that the fun is over. But in the evening the following fact emerged: both groups settled in the same hotel. The hockey players loudly celebrated their “victory” right by the pool, singing patriotic songs. The Germans didn’t even leave their rooms.
At work
Very often there are also funny stories from people's lives (short) in the workplace. For example, this case. One man bought himself a book on Bringing it to work, he decided to try it on his colleagues. His employee wanted to “check” her daughter. The man agreed. The next day, a colleague brought an envelope with a note. Having opened it, the man immediately said: “Your daughter is 14 years old. She is an excellent student. Loves horse riding and dancing." The woman was simply shocked and immediately ran to tell her friends about everything. The man didn’t even have time to tell her about the contents of the note: “I’m an excellent student, I’m 14 years old, I love horses and dancing. And mom thinks you’re a liar.”
Cases with animals
Funny stories from short and not only, quite often they are also connected with our smaller brothers. For example, like this interesting case happened to a middle-aged man. A tired old dog once came into the courtyard of his private house. However, the animal was fattened and had a collar on its neck. That is, it was absolutely obvious that the dog was well taken care of and had a home. The dog approached the man, allowed himself to be petted, and followed him into the hallway. Walking slowly through it, he lay down in the corner of the living room and fell asleep. About an hour later the dog came to the door. The man released the animal.
The next day, at about the same time, the dog came to him again, “greeted”, lay down in the same corner and slept again for about an hour. His “visits” lasted for several weeks. Finally, the man decided to be curious about what was going on, and pinned a note to his collar with the following content: “Sorry, but I want to know who is the owner of this sweet, wonderful animal and whether he knows that the dog sleeps at my house every day.” The next day the dog came with the “answer” attached. The note read: “The dog lives in a house with six kids. Two of them have not yet turned three years. He wants to get some sleep. Will you allow me to come with him tomorrow?”
The youth
It happens that funny stories bring others to tears. Short stories from the lives of young people are especially common among students, applicants, and high school students. However, this case is not like that. No one was offended or disappointed. Two young guys were leisurely walking along the streets of the city. Having stopped near a kiosk with a press, where various stationery and other small items are also sold, they decided to buy a small ball with an elastic band that flies merrily if you pull it - just for fun, as they say. The problem was one thing: the guys didn’t know the name of this toy. One of the boys, pointing to the ball, turned to the saleswoman: “Give me that fennie over there!” "What to give?" - the woman asked. “Fenka!” - repeated the young man. The guys left with their purchase. The next day they passed this kiosk again. A price tag with the inscription “Fenka” appeared on the display window near the ball.
Cases with children
Funny short stories will definitely make people smile if we are talking about kids. Here is an incident that happened to a three-year-old boy. Big Friendly family gathered together at one table. The child sat and calmly watched his grandmother and mother fry pancakes. All this time he just quietly said: “This is all mine. I'll eat first. Anyone who eats without me will be punished!” The women finally finished cooking and stacked the pancakes on a plate. The family took out the jam and began to sit down at the table. The boy was the last to wash his hands. Before that, he warned everyone: “I will leave. But I’ll count all the pancakes so you don’t eat without me.” Next to the plate came the following sound: “One, two, five, twenty, thirty... That’s it!” Do not touch!" When the child returned, one pancake had been eaten. The boy began to shout: “I told you, you can’t eat without me!” The relatives asked: “Did you really count?” To this the kid replied: “Are you not thinking straight? I can't count! I flipped the top pancake!”
It really turned out funny. After all, none of the adults could guess to turn the top pancake over with the fried side down.
Hospital stories
Very often comic incidents occur within the walls medical institutions. As a rule, interesting stories (funny, short) from maternity hospitals about young fathers are the most common among them. For example, this one. One man's wife gave birth. The couple were expecting twins. However, they did not know the gender of their future children. The woman gave birth to a girl and a boy. An excited man was waiting for the doctor at the door of the room. Finally, the midwife appeared. Her father ran up to her with the question: “Twins?” "Yes!" - the woman answered. Husband, smiling: “Boys?” She: “No!” Dad, smiling even wider: “Girls?” Midwife: “No!” The husband, dumbfounded: “Who?” There are many such cases happening every day.
On road
Real funny stories, short and long, are often associated with traffic police officers. At one of the motor depots in Novosibirsk, for example, such a case is known. There was one short driver who worked there. When he was driving the KrAZ, he was not even visible from the outside. One day a driver went on a flight without securing the rear license plate on the car. He just put it in the glove compartment. As usually happens in such cases, a traffic police officer was standing at the intersection. Seeing the car without a driver, he was very surprised and whistled. The driver found a way out of the situation. He positioned the car so that he could slip out of the second door unnoticed and secure the number. It's risky, but it's the only way to avoid a fine. So the car stopped. The patrolman slowly approached, stood and, without waiting for anyone, looked inside. Of course, he was very puzzled, looking at the empty cabin. Meanwhile, the driver secured the number, and everyone returned to their seats. The traffic police officer was even more surprised when, obeying the command of his baton, the empty car started up and drove on.
That's just funny
And one moment. A lot also depends simply on a person’s mood. Funny short stories may not have a so-called special plot. It happens that a person is simply cheerful and joyful in his soul. As they say, I got a laugh in my mouth. This is most likely explained by the fact that people face various stresses every day, minor and not so much. All this, of course, is deposited inside each of us, adversely affecting the nervous system. A person, of course, does not always remember this. But all these unpleasant moments remain in my memory. Accordingly, the body has to perform nervous discharge from time to time. After all, laughter heals. Thus, the healing process manifests itself in the form of a cheerful mood.
Therefore, it is not at all surprising that this happens from time to time. You can walk down the street with absolutely absurd thoughts in your head, look at those around you, and you will feel funny. Their clothes, their gait, and their facial expressions can amuse you. By trying to hold back your laughter and smile, you thereby provoke a response from those you meet. Well, if suddenly some other incident happens... For example, a gust of wind throws a piece of paper, or a bag, or something like that in your face, this story will seem especially funny to you. And this, it’s worth reminding once again, is not gloating at all! It's just a fight against stress in our body! Laughter prolongs our life!
In this section of our website we have posted a variety of short funny stories. For lovers of stories and jokes, these funny stories are exactly what you need. It doesn’t take much time, it’s full of humor, and most importantly, it’s the only way to lift your spirits! Cool funny short stories are a kind of a joke, only they are usually taken from real life, and sometimes it is in such stories that the twisted plot or the degree of comedy gives such turns that you laugh without stopping for several minutes.
We hope these are short funny stories They will not only lift your spirits, but will also encourage you to write your own funny stories, of which every person has quite a few, if his memory is good. In any case, we will be glad to see you on the pages of our website one more time.
I remembered a story from my school childhood. There was a thin, weak amateur astronomer in our class, Andrei. Everyone who missed the mark had the honor of offending the calm and harmless “nerd.” Once during a physical education lesson (in the gym we had joint physical education, without separating men/women), the boys were doing pull-ups on the crossbar, and it was Andrei’s turn. The first bully of the class ran up from behind to the pulling up "nerd" and pulled down his pants along with his underpants... In complete silence, the girls' jaws slowly dropped, the boys got their first complexes... Nobody offended Andrei anymore.
I, like my older brother, am a former avid gamer. Only I always loved strategy games, and he loved adventure games. We went roller skating with him one day. He rushes ahead and says something, turning to me. Suddenly I see it going straight into the pit. Very deep. My then-childish brain couldn’t come up with anything better than to yell: “Space!!!” You know, he jumped...
There is a Kuka mineral spring in the Chita region. Naturally, the water from the source is bottled and sold. The name of the water is appropriate - “Kuka”... Late autumn. Two o'clock in the morning. A little-visited stall. Sleepy salesman (woman, 45 years old). Lonely buyer (male). The buyer, knocking on the window, waiting until it is opened, hands over ten rubles and says:
- Kuku!
The seller, not fully awake:
- Ku-Ku...
Buyer, insistently:
- KUKU!!!
Salesman:
- What, you were cuckooing at two o’clock in the morning?..
The ability to sell a product well is also an art. We went with some guys in China just to have dinner. Well, as usual, we decided to take one hundred grams. I approach the bartender:
- Three for a hundred! - And I lay out the money.
The bartender silently places three glasses and an unopened bottle of vodka on the counter.
- I asked for three for a hundred!
The guy’s answer at first plunged me into a state of mild euphoria, and then I realized that knowledge of Russian psychology increases the sales volume of people like him to the skies. He said:
- There will be some left, you can bring it back.
Well, how could she stay?
One day, the management of a large Western company decided to hold an attraction of unprecedented tolerance. Decided to organize a gay festival with representatives from all offices. An order came to the Russian office - to send 3 gays. Management thought hard. We called a meeting and started thinking. We came up with it. A decree was issued: the heads of three divisions that show the worst performance results for the current quarter will go to the gay pride parade. The company has never seen such production, sales, marketing, advertising, supply!..
At work, an employee says that her lover gave her a new gold chain, but she doesn’t know how to explain its appearance to her husband. Everyone starts giving advice: like, say that a friend gave it to her, she bought it herself, they gave her a bonus at work, etc. One man advises: - Better tell me what you found. My wife, for example, recently found a gold bracelet. The guy somehow didn’t immediately understand why everyone was suddenly giggling...
Dacha, grandmother and granddaughter drinking tea. There is jam on the table, with ants crawling towards it from different sides. The girl, without thinking twice, crushed one. The grandmother puts pressure on the child’s pity:
- Lizonka, what are you talking about, how is this possible?! The ants are also alive, they hurt! They have children! Just imagine: they are sitting at home and waiting for their mother. But mom won't come.
Lisa (crushing another insect with her finger):
- And dad won’t come either...
A friend got tired of texting until 1 am every day. I wrote a program for a smart phone that automatically responds to all SMS: “Yes, my love,” “of course,” “very,” etc. - V in no particular order. In the morning I saw 264 incoming SMS. The last one at 5:45 with the text: “When will you, bitch, fall asleep?!”
In the 9th grade (children are 14-15 years old), the school held a planned medical checkup, including a gynecologist. For many girls this was the first time: everyone’s knees were shaking. A lady gynecologist of Balzac's age, to save time, asks more questions than examines. The question is the same for all 60 girls from four classes:
- Are you sexually active?
- How many years? - if the answer is positive
The lady was pretty tired.
Actually the story: my friend (P), gathering her will into a fist, approaches her aunt (T).
(T) - are you alive?
(P) -zhiiiiivvuuu (shaking with fear, having forgotten the essence of the question)
(T) surprised - How old?
(P) almost crying - fourteen fourteen...
I have a friend. Works at a computer company in a warehouse. And across the wall he has neighbors - a veterinary pharmacy. The doors are nearby, and therefore visitors often get confused. Yesterday he wrote to me in ICQ: “Today a man came and stood in the entire line! I waited until the clients took the printer, floppy disks, and some other crap... The guy eventually comes up and asks a question: “My horse is coughing... What should I do?”
Only Russians understand
30 km ski race in Sapporo 1972. A story that is still passed down in legends there in Japan. Back then there were no mixed zones or press conferences, and journalists calmly wandered among the athletes right in the starting town. And suddenly, when a good half of the racers had already run away, snow began to fall. Thick, sticky. And Vyacheslav Vedenin, a minute before his start, began to smear his skis. And a local journalist who speaks Russian turned to him: they say, do you think it will help - it’s snowing?
What Vedenin answered him, only we in Russia understand. And in Japan the next day, newspapers came out with headlines: “Having said the magic word “Dahusim,” a Russian skier won the Olympics.”
Prankster
One businessman I know, for fun, dressed up as a semi-homeless person for an evening meeting of classmates... No stink, of course, but a specific look. Nobody even pestered him with questions about his life, the women ignored him, and the men only poured out sympathetically, saying, look how fate, the villain, dealt with an excellent student...
But the guys experienced a real culture shock when, at the end of the evening, Bentley came to pick up the semi-homeless man... and leaving the waiter a hundred bucks as a tip, he asked: “Who is heading towards the airport? I can give you a lift.”
Elevator
Have any girls been stuck in an elevator for two hours with two unfamiliar cadets who had drunk heavily on beer?
It was a hot May evening, and my friend and I suddenly hung with these two between the fifth and sixth floors. At first it was funny, we got to know each other and had fun helping the guys scream for salvation. But the cadets screamed somehow sadly and somehow doomed. And suddenly they apologized and hinted about the after-beer problem.
We are smart girls: we turned away and began to snort into the corners of the elevator car. Judging by the sounds we heard, the technology was extremely simple. You can’t go on the floor (we’ll suffocate), so one cadet pressed the tight doors a little, and the second tried to get in. So the first one hit, and they switched roles. The second one also started to hit, but his friend’s fingers trembled, and he accidentally let go of the doors... Have you ever heard a cadet screaming in an elevator on a May evening? And how he jumps, how terribly the elevator shakes, what uninteresting words are said...
In general, while they were pressing the doors, my friend and I slid to the floor laughing and almost made a pee-pee ourselves... The elevator was turned on about three minutes after this terrible scream, which, apparently, was heard on the other side of the city by an elevator repairman...
“256”
I'm standing on a tram. Winter. Everyone is wearing outerwear. Wrapped up. I look at some guy with a backpack in front of me. On the backpack, literally hanging from the snot, there is a flash drive, and on it is written “256”. She literally beckons herself, beckons her to take her. My stop has arrived. I don't have this flash drive special effort pulled it off and left. I came home, plugged it into my computer to see what was on it - and my entire system crashed, right down to formatting the hard drive and almost flashing the BIOS...
Now I took this wonderful flash drive, drew “257” on it, attached it to my backpack - so that I could easily pull it off - and every time I travel with it in public transport, waiting for another idiot to come along who wants it steal from me..."
Late for the lecture
One day I was late for a lecture on the stock market. Those. When I burst through the door, the teacher was already giving a full lecture:
– ...and among Russians they are small, short, but very active...
He saw me and stopped. Apparently there was slight confusion on my face, because I made a “come in” hand sign and continued the lecture:
– For those who are late, I remind you. We were talking here about trading futures contracts on Russian exchanges, and not at all about what made you blush.
We don't want to clean up!
United Air almost fired one cheerful steward who, when the plane landed and the ramp was handed over, could not think of anything smarter than to say over the speakerphone:
- .... whoever is last removes the plane!
This caused real panic among the passengers.
Everything is relative
In our third year we had a subject - the structure of matter. Chemists need it like a cow needs eggs, so they treated it rather coolly. Most managed to pass the test for free, but some especially gifted ones were unlucky. For example, two comrades studied, one of whom passed it seven times, and the second - 11 (eleven). When they took it for the seventh time, the session was already underway, and the sacred ceremony took place in the teacher’s lab.
The first one was interviewed quite quickly, went out into the corridor and began to wait for his partner. Suddenly the teacher leaves the room, notices the poor guy and says:
- Are you here now? Wonderful! Let's take a record! – gives credit and explains:
- You see, your friend is talking about such things that compared to him you are just Lomonosov!
Cute hedgehog
Today people at work started talking about all sorts of funny incidents with pets) And so our accountant told about his daughter’s beloved cat. Well, she has adult daughter, married and lives separately) And somehow her friends gave her a toy, a furry, cute hedgehog, but if you press his belly he starts laughing)) And her healthy cat, three years old, not neutered, but on the streets and in general living a free life the one who didn’t sniff suddenly became inflamed with the most tender feelings for this hedgehog))) Moreover, with the need to demonstrate them to others, and the more people around, the better) In short, as soon as they have guests in the house, the cat drags his hedgehog and publicly performs his marital duty with him. And the hedgehog laughs homerically. I think you can imagine what happens to people watching this picture. Without even seeing it, I walk around and laugh completely indecently all day.
Greetings
During my punk youth, I was a “blond boy of eighteen.” Well, to be more precise, he’s very dark-skinned, his hair is below his shoulders and his clothes are jeans and a T-shirt – completely unisex. With a face that was barely touched by a razor. And then I returned one day from my birthday.
Well, how can punk come back from his birthday? Essssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss, he was pretty “tipsy”. And in the barely dawning summer twilight, this miracle jumped out at me and presented its genitals. To which I, not at all surprised, silently presented mine. Probably my young and alcohol-addled brain thought it was new way greetings like this and it fit well into my informal life position
The pervert smelled himself and blew away with an offended exclamation... And I realized the events only the next morning.
Cemetery
Listen to the story. The terrible truth this time. Well, those who are not afraid - listen. And if anyone has nerves to hell, then, as written above, it is better to immediately leave the site’s stage. From Yaganovo to Leontyevo there are three kilometers of fields and a path. Of course, you can take the bus directly to the place, but Sanya loves this road,
by train, and then walk. Because he's a poet. He says that when he walks like this, slowly, across the field, God whispers poems into the top of his head.
And what? Quite. A couple of poems will go there. Back - half a poem. So in the summer he finds a collection, in the winter he publishes it, he sits and smokes. And the places are most picturesque, grace. Past the lake. Then a ravine, a bridge. On the right is the village churchyard, on the left, a little further away, is an old, destroyed church. Sanya, as a believer and generally close to the Lord, likes to stop by this abandoned church on the way. Stand under the high arches, look at the remains of paintings, think about the eternal.
Have a smoke.
Here you go. And then I went at the end of August, on the last train. I hadn’t been there for a long time before, maybe a month, but I didn’t calculate that the day had gone by a lot. I went to Yaganovo, it was almost midnight, pitch black as far as I could see. He shivered and went wherever he could. The road is well-trodden, you can just feel it. Moreover, there is still no way to return. Okay, he walks slowly, listens. Well, I mean, what if the little god hasn’t gone to bed yet, and now, despite the late hour, he’ll start dictating poems to him. So I got ready to take shorthand notes. But God take it instead, and as luck would have it, it rains!
And not just rain, but downpour!
And not just a downpour, but a thunderstorm! Last August thunderstorm. Unpleasant. Lightning flashes, the rain is cold, it’s squelching underfoot.
“Nothing,” Sanya thinks, “I’ll get to the church, hide, wait a little.” In the backpack there is a thermos with hot tea, a liter bottle of vodka as a gift to the owner, some food, so you can stay overnight and last a day, if necessary. And he speeds up his pace so as not to get completely wet. And now the fences of the churchyard began to be distinguished in the flashes of lightning. Here is the ravine, here is the bridge, and here the church is just a stone’s throw away.
And then suddenly - once! Trouble! Sanya hurried across the bridge, and the bridge – what a bridge, two logs. Slippery, dark. And just at that edge he slipped, and right into the ravine - splash! No, not even that. And like this. SLOPPP! Flat. And he slid down the hill. The slope is a stove-maker's dream, it's all clay.
Well, I somehow got out, not even the first time, covered in clay from head to toe. Got out, let's swear at God out of frustration. Why is there such a test instead of a poem? The god above gave him a lightning bolt for blasphemy, and added more rain. Sanya hands to feet, “Lord forgive me, save and preserve me,” and to the church, under the arches. He ran into the church, wiped the clay off his face with his sleeve, and caught his breath. And suddenly he looks - wow! In the far aisle there is light!!! Uneven, like from a fire. Sanya became alarmed and listened. The light sways, there are shadows on the walls, and voices! Yep!
Sanya is not a timid or superstitious guy, he grabbed the backpack in his hand and quietly walked into the light. Whatever evil spirits he thinks are there, everything is better than being back in the rain. He approaches quietly and sees a fire burning, a pot hanging over the fire, four peasants, looking rather ordinary, homeless, sitting on boxes next to the fire. There is a candle on the box between them, and some snacks are laid out. In the corner, shovels shine with sharp, sharpened blades.
Sanya felt better. Homeless people, not homeless people, but it’s clear that people make a living by digging graves in the cemetery. They worked for a day and rested. Well, they are also quite ordinary people, if the right approach to have, everything is better than devilry. And in what form Sanya himself was at that time, he was homeless compared to him and, in general, pure princes and princes-Elishes.
And Sanya decided to reveal himself to society. Moreover, having with you a weighty argument for dating in the form of a liter bottle of vodka. And then Sanya enters the circle of light, makes a friendly face through a thick layer of clay, and speaks affably in a voice slightly frozen in the wind.
- Greetings, good people! Let me warm up by your fire, otherwise I’m so chilled there, I have no strength!
The men turned to hear the voice, but instead of saying hello, they suddenly froze and their faces changed greatly! They looked at Sanya, fear flashed in their eyes, the hair on everyone’s heads began to move, one of them slowly began to slide off the box to the ground, no one could open their mouth. Sanya feels something is wrong. Something needs to be added to defuse the tension. Speaks.
- Don’t be afraid, guys, I’m with mine! – and holds out a bottle of vodka in front of him. “I’ll just sit there for a little while, until the first rooster crows, and then I’ll go home.” It’s raining there and it’s damp, brrrrr!
And then one of the men, either the eldest, or the bravest, earnestly making the sign of the cross at himself and at Sanya, stands up from his box and wheezes in a sepulchral voice:
– WHY DID YOU DUGG OUT THIS, YOU BASTARD???
Laughter decorates our lives and makes it brighter and more interesting. Laugh, rejoice, let there be more unrealistically funny things in real life. Let's laugh a lot together!
“About how a child helped his mother lose weight”
Someone inadvertently hinted to Zhanna that it was time for her to lose ten kilograms. The woman came upset, sad, and crying. Without explaining anything to her family, she locked herself in the kitchen and began preparing her favorite chocolate donuts to soothe her sadness. She always did this when troubles came her way.
Three hours passed. Zhanna Eduardovna never left the kitchen. The husband and four-year-old son, seriously worried about the fate of the woman, finally decided to approach her. The wife-mother slowly devoured the burnt donuts. Next to her was a piece of paper on which the following was written in large letters: “I want to force myself not to eat anything in order to lose weight!” The boy, having checked with his dad what was written, went to his room and did not listen to adult conversations.
The next day, the mother of the family returned from work just as sad. Remembering that she needed to cook something for dinner, she went to the refrigerator. Suddenly, four-year-old Vitalik ran in, unplugged the refrigerator and ran away.
Why did you do this? - Zhanna asked in surprise.
So that the food gets spoiled and you change your mind about eating it!” the son proudly answered his mother.
Just think about it! The baby turned out to be smarter than a thousand adult ladies who did not know that their problem of excess weight could be solved so easily!
Loneliness is a bad habit
A lonely woman was awakened by an insistent doorbell. She slowly went to open it, albeit with great reluctance.
Who's at the door? – she asked in a half-asleep voice.
Plumbers, mistress! We came to test the batteries!
The woman did not like the answer at all. She was hoping that they would touch her! After all, she so lacked male warmth! The woman grabbed a cigarette and a lighter, walked up to the peephole and shouted loudly:
Feel your batteries! I will manage mine myself!
Short funny stories
"Passenger from a Fairy Tale"
It was evening. There was a girl riding on the train, diligently solving crossword puzzles. A man sat next to her and watched her closely. Noticing that his fellow traveler's gaze was stuck on one of the questions, he politely asked:
Girl, can I help you with something?
What is the name of what helped Baba Yaga drive the vehicle? - the girl answered the question with a question.
Pomelo! - the man answered without hesitation.
The girl looked at her “tip” in surprise and three minutes later asked:
How do you know?
I am a close relative of this grandmother! I know a lot about her!
The passengers who heard this phrase roared with laughter. Each of them, most likely, imagined himself as some kind of fairy-tale hero.
It's all men's fault!
A husband and wife are walking through a hypermarket. The wife says something inspired, but the husband pays absolutely no attention to her. The woman was offended by this. She asked her husband to appreciate her trick: she chose an empty place, accelerated, made a spectacular jump... And it turned out to be covered with various goods. People began to come running, take pictures of the “acrobat”, and applaud her. And she, pushing in different sides everything that fell on her, she tried to find a broken nail with rhinestones. Thus ended the unsuccessful jump over the shopping cart. We should put a traffic controller in the middle of the trading floor! It won’t be out of place in stores either!
Real funny stories from life
"Revenge of the Alarm Clock"
The woman returned from work three hours later than usual. Her only dream was to sleep sweetly. She undressed, took off her trousers (along with her tights) and chaotically placed them on the bottom shelf of the closet. Sveta took a shower and lay down in a cozy bed, breaking the tradition of tea drinking.
Morning came incredibly quickly, completely obeying the law of meanness. The tired woman, who for a few seconds hated the alarm clock, sharply threw it into the adjacent wall of the room. An inner voice forced her to get up and go to the bath. While getting ready, she decided to put on yesterday's trousers. The woman couldn’t find the old tights, so she took out others so as not to waste time looking for the item.
Svetlana put on her trousers, completely not noticing that they contained second tights, drank coffee and ran to work. Fortunately, she was not a minute late. And the day would have gone wonderfully, if not for one circumstance... Yesterday's tights quietly crawled out of their trousers and began to “sweep” the floor, collecting papers and all sorts of garbage. Colleagues saw this, but remained silent so as not to offend the employee. About ten minutes later, one of my colleagues let out a ringing laugh. Sveta turned around. The colleague, continuing to laugh, approached Svetlana, picked up the “tights train” from the floor and said with a smile: “You dropped it.” Now Svetlana doesn’t wear these tights. She made a funny doll out of them, which reminds her every morning that she should treat her alarm clock with respect.
Funny banana wisdom
Two students collided in the dormitory corridor. An interesting conversation began:
What were you frying in the kitchen yesterday? – one of them asked, looking curiously into the eyes of the other.
Bananas! – the second one answered joyfully.
Is there any point in frying them if they are already delicious?
Tell me honestly: do I look so much like a monkey that I have to eat my favorite treat raw?!
About how the switch became the enemy
The newlyweds lay down in a luxurious bed and covered themselves with a large silk blanket.
I love you so much, my dear... - the new wife whispered tenderly.
And I you. Light….
What kind of Sveta am I to you? – Olga shouted in frustration and hit her husband painfully on the cheek.
Yes, first of all wedding night, a real marital misunderstanding was born... The man just asked to turn off the light, which was treacherously blinding them.
