Just half a century ago, it was considered normal to call your mother-in-law mom, move into her house and listen to her advice with your mouth open. Today, young couples are trying to separate, but sometimes even distance is unable to stop the mother-in-law from interfering in their lives. new family. We spoke with Belarusians who had different relationships with their mothers-in-law.
Photo source: oguiadaluz.com
Alexandra: “She managed to brainwash her son very easily!”
My mother-in-law immediately told me that she would divorce us. I don’t know why I didn’t please her, but she kept my husband firmly under her thumb.
We lived at her house in a separate room: her husband and my husband just didn’t bring slippers in her teeth. I didn’t just try to help with the housework, but actually did everything: I cooked for everyone, cleaned my apartment, and my mother-in-law came home from work and “fell” from fatigue in her chair watching the TV.
And this despite the fact that I also worked! I tried my best to make friends with her, to come to an agreement, but she was always unhappy with everything! And the most unpleasant thing is that she very easily managed to brainwash her son.
No matter how much I tried to persuade my husband to rent an apartment or move in with my parents, he was categorically against it. Now I understand that “strongly against” is not about him, he just didn’t want to change anything, he was comfortable there too, and my problems didn’t bother him.
When I gave birth to my child, my husband didn’t even come to the maternity hospital! As does my mother-in-law, of course. Then I went straight from the maternity hospital to my parents. So we lived apart for some time, my husband did not call or look for meetings with the child. A few months later we met to discuss what to do next. What's the point of marriage if we don't even talk on the phone? He invited me to move in with him again. I decided to give him one more chance.
And he, of course, did not live up to this chance. I don’t remember how this quarrel started. But my mother-in-law showed me the door and seven month old baby at 9 o'clock in the evening! I couldn’t stand what I had been accumulating in myself all these few months that I lived with her under the same roof. And she started collecting things.
My husband didn't say a word! The father-in-law looked sympathetically at everything that was happening, but also did not dare to intervene. I called a taxi and left once and for all.
Now already ex-husband is in no way interested in the life of our child: I don’t even post photos on in social networks. He doesn’t want to know us, so he doesn’t need to. I remarried and gave birth again. My second husband is a wonderful father to both children and we are all very happy!
Tatyana: “Endless advice on how to raise children, how to treat with folk remedies”
It’s good that the mother-in-law lives far away, otherwise she would have “lost” her son. After all, my husband was always on my side, although he suffered from the fact that my mother was offended.
All the whims on my part and on the part of my mother-in-law passed through my husband, because she and I never openly expressed anything to each other.
This is what infuriated me: she always tried to impose her opinion, give advice that we did not ask for, and was offended that we did not listen to her. For example, a mother-in-law asks what clothes her grandson needs to buy. If we refuse, she is offended that her help is not needed.
Then, in order not to offend her, my husband invites her to give us money so that we can buy it ourselves. She's angry again. Then she will take it without asking, buy something herself and bring it back. Whether you like it or not, you have to wear it so as not to offend your mother.
Or he will come to visit and begin to “put things in order” and point out what would be better to put it where. And endless advice on how to raise children, how to treat with folk remedies, etc.!
Of course, when we needed advice, we asked, but when we don’t, and they offer us so persistently, it’s annoying. And I wanted to refuse as gently as possible, because she has a heart condition. But over the years, my mother-in-law understood everything and began to poke her nose into our lives much less often, and I began to take it easier.
Ekaterina: “I didn’t succeed as a grandmother, I’m like a stranger”
It all started with the wedding itself, when my mother-in-law not only did not give a gift, but did not even congratulate us with words.
But I still tried to please my mother-in-law. I came to the village to help with the housework: milking the cow, weeding the gardens, etc. My husband helped my mother financially build a house. And when we had a disabled child, she didn’t even come, she just called and said:
As God wills: if he survives, he will survive, and if he dies, he will die.
The son was born without an esophagus. Behind long years hospitals, sanatoriums, rehabilitations. Fortunately, we managed it - the esophagus was made from the tissues surrounding the lungs. It took us a lot of effort and money to achieve this result.
My mother-in-law turned my husband against me, claiming that it was my fault that such a child was born. Okay, she didn’t accept me, but she didn’t even visit her grandson in hospitals.
Photo source: kalendar2017.ru
Nobody bet on my son, but I lived only for him, I took care of him. He was already reciting poetry at the age of 2! I wanted to prove to everyone that he is the best. I spent years in hospitals, during which time my mother-in-law never even crossed the threshold. My husband worked almost around the clock to pay for surgeries and rehabilitation.
Now my son is already 13 years old, he has become healthy child, and my mother-in-law ceased to exist for me as a person. Over the years, she has not become a grandmother; she is like a stranger. Now she is seriously ill, I forgave, but did not forget anything.
My husband has a younger brother, my mother-in-law wrote him everything - an apartment, a house, and for the entire time she did not give us a penny. It’s good that I was lucky with my husband: he worked, worked, worked... And we saved our son!
Therefore, I advise all my friends: if your mother-in-law brings gifts to her grandchildren, take care of her!
Tatyana: “It would be great to take your mother-in-law with you on vacation!”
My situation is unusual: with my mother-in-law a good relationship. Firstly, the mother-in-law lives in another city. Secondly, she is very simple woman: doesn’t bother about trifles and doesn’t get into your soul.
I can talk to her for an hour or more. And even if she doesn’t like something, she speaks out very delicately and doesn’t interfere with the family. He can advise something, but only in the form of advice, not a recommendation, not an order. Always helps and meets halfway.
Recently, I had to go with my daughter for procedures, and my son was sick. We called my mother-in-law and said that we would bring our grandson. No problem!
The son stayed there for 2.5 weeks, and the mother-in-law found an approach to him. The only thing is that after the grandmother, the son arrived whiny, so helpless: “I can’t put on a sock!”, “I can’t brush my teeth!”... It’s immediately obvious that the grandmother encouraged this somewhere.
I even think that it would be great to take my mother-in-law with me on vacation, to go on some excursion with my husband, on romantic dinner and a walk under the moonlight. It's easy for me with her. Certainly, important factor the fact that we live in different cities.
Olga Davletbaeva
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I got married while I was pregnant. My husband didn't know about my situation. I wanted to tell him, but didn’t dare.
The mother-in-law immediately disliked her grandson. She seemed to feel that Senya had nothing to do with their family. She assured my husband that Senya was not his son, but my husband did not listen to his mother’s opinion. She didn’t accept me right away, so there was nothing surprising in her words.
I know I should have told my husband the truth right away. But I was afraid. I have no relatives, no home of my own. The guy, the father of the child, left me before I even found out about the pregnancy. What would we live on? As if I were alone with a child in my arms, on rented apartment? So I responded favorably to Dmitry, who had long been in love with me.
Sofya Alekseevna, seeing me for the first time, grimaced. She looked me up and down and said contemptuously to Dima, nodding in my direction:
- What, there was no one better?
Her hostility was visible a kilometer away. My husband was on my side, so I wasn’t particularly worried about my mother-in-law’s attitude towards me.
Fathers-in-law are quite wealthy people. The husband works for his father. My husband and I lived in our in-laws’ apartment with our in-laws’ money. But separately from them.
Two years ago I gave birth to my second son, from my husband. And Sofya Alekseevna immediately sensed her own blood. Gifts were given only youngest child, educational activities and entertainment - also only for the youngest. The mother-in-law could take her beloved grandson to live with her for a few days. The eldest son, looking at this division, began to behave disgracefully.
Recently, our whole family visited our in-laws. As usual, all attention was paid to the youngest. The eldest, so that at least someone would look at him, found a lighter on his mother-in-law’s balcony and set fire to the pieces of paper on her dressing table.
We all ran to the source of the smoke. The father-in-law threw a blanket over the table, and there was no fire. But there was a huge burn mark left on the dressing table.
My mother-in-law billed my husband and I for the table. By my standards - an astronomical amount of 60 thousand rubles. I left with a scandal - is it my son’s fault that lighters are kept so accessible from children at his mother-in-law’s house? And in general, if I had paid attention to both grandchildren, none of this would have happened.
The husband agreed to pay. I thought he would repay the debt with money. But Sofya Alekseevna suggested replacing the 60 thousand debt with two paternity tests - for both grandchildren. My husband decided to save money - in our city one test costs 9,900.
I thought my husband would understand. He raised his eldest son for almost 7 years, and he became attached to the boy. But no. The husband, in the form of an ultimatum, demanded that someone else's child not be in his house. Well, how can a child whose husband got up at night be a stranger? Whom did you play ball with, who did you worry about when you were sick?
I refused. And what kind of mother can give away one of her children just because dad changed his mind about being a dad? Then the husband packed his things and left, saying that he would go to court with an application for divorce, ordering alimony for the younger son and removing paternity from him for the eldest.
With my husband leaving, I even breathed a little more freely. There are fewer household chores and more time for the children. The surprise was the visit of Sofia Alekseevna. She walked in as if to her own home, opening the door with her key. I immediately began to kick her out, asking, with tears in my eyes:
— Did you achieve what you wanted? Was I bad wife To your son? Get out, you have nothing to do here!
In response, she laughed. She told me that I was the one to get out of her apartment.
- But Dima left the apartment to me! — I was indignant.
- Now, if Dima had his own home, he could dispose of it at his own discretion. You won't live in my apartment! You have a week!
She left. And I sit and roar. It's even worse than when I got pregnant the first time. Then I could have an abortion and move on with my life. Or give birth and understand one child - I had work then. And now I need somewhere to hide with two children. I don’t have a job, my husband took the jewelry that I could sell when he left.
I don’t understand these people - how can children be driven out onto the streets because of a small mistake I made in the past? What are they to blame for?
My husband also sang differently, I’m sure - at the suggestion of his mother. Now Dima wants to take my youngest son away from me and his mother will raise my child!
I don't know what to do or what to do. A friend advised to invite Dima to a conversation, during the conversation to loudly shout several times “Dima, don’t!” so that the neighbors would hear and could go as witnesses.
And, as soon as he leaves, give yourself bruises and write a statement against him. Like, he won’t sue the child, and he can demand money from the mother-in-law so that I can withdraw the application. I'll probably do that.
From the author. The girl who told me about her problems did not evoke a drop of sympathy. I didn’t want to publish this text - I’m disgusted myself. But I felt very sorry for the people who met on this girl’s life path, and I tried to contact Sofia Alekseevna to warn her family about possible problems with the heroine of this story.
Unfortunately, Sofya Alekseevna refused to talk to me. Perhaps she will read this article, recognize her daughter-in-law and save her son from problems.
The male half (father-in-law and father-in-law), either because they know how to abstract themselves and retreat in time, or because they have such a status, rarely participate destructively in any issues.
But women... the very ones who are created to create and create, often cannot share one frying pan among themselves. Those young housewives who are friends with their mothers-in-law are lucky and smart, and yet they cannot relax. Today - about them!
WHY ARE THERE A LOT OF JOKES ABOUT YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW, BUT NOT ONE ABOUT YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW?
BECAUSE MOTHER-IN-LAW IS TOO SAD TO JOKE...
Commandments and beliefs of the classic mother-in-law:
If you're interested in looking into your daughter-in-law's closets, don't be shy!
The apartment of your son or your son’s wife is your apartment, you are one family!
Whenever you come, you are always welcome, and it simply cannot be otherwise!
Don’t keep silent - give TS (valuable instructions), you care about everyone!
Good upbringing of your grandchildren is your merit, bad upbringing is your daughter-in-law’s omission!
* * *
My husband comes home from work, and his mother says to him:
- Pavlik, your wife insulted me today.
- Yes, she’s not even in the city.
“She sent you a letter, and at the end it says: “Marya Ivanovna, don’t forget to show the letter to Pavlik!”
* * *
The day I remembered the joke “I don’t quarrel with my husband, I silently clean the toilet with his toothbrush,” and I shared it with my mother-in-law (without any intent!), her toothbrush disappeared from our cup!
An English lady calls a footman:
You will now go to my mother-in-law Mrs. Chatterley in the hospital, she is very seriously ill, and inquire about her well-being.
The footman left and returned three hours later.
So how? Have you been to Mrs Chatterley? They asked how she was feeling?
Yes, madam.
Okay, you can go.
The most important thing in a dispute with your husband is to win your mother-in-law over to your side.
Two girlfriends met.
How's yours? family life? - one is interested.
“What kind of life is there,” another sighs. - He has one light in the window - his mommy...
“And look at yourself,” says the friend, “no hairstyle, no manicure, no new dress!” Try to meet your husband perfumed, in luxurious lingerie, you will see; He won’t even remember about his mommy!
That same day, the young wife bought expensive French black lingerie and in the evening she meets her husband “fully armed,” but he shies away from her in horror: “God, you’re all in black - what’s wrong with mom?”
The mother-in-law wanted to check on her daughter-in-law. I wrote her a note:
I know everything. Well-wisher.
In the morning there is an answer on the table:
I know everything too. Daughter-in-law.
The daughter-in-law comes to visit her mother-in-law. The mother-in-law is very happy and offers to have lunch, looks into the refrigerator and says:
Sveta, will you have some liverwurst?
No, thanks.
Bye, my cat doesn’t want it either.
When people meet me on the street, I call myself Elizaveta and... give my mother-in-law’s phone number.
A wife with a black belt in karate is a strong family, well-mannered children, polite mother-in-law, loving and faithful husband.
“Something about your dress is unsightly...” my mother-in-law upset me on the wedding day.
“Nothing, next time it will be better!” - I thought silently and smiled charmingly at her.
The mother-in-law and daughter-in-law eat dumplings... The daughter-in-law takes one dumpling, the mother-in-law takes two. Daughter-in-law two, mother-in-law five... One dumpling left. My mother-in-law ate it and choked. In a choked voice, with all his strength:
Dasha, clap...
At first, I couldn’t get enough of my mother-in-law. She treated me like my own daughter— it seemed that I had found a second mother. But then her obsessive friendship and desire to control me began to irritate me. By the way, my husband was on my side.
When I met Boris, I was in seventh heaven. Smart, handsome, intelligent guy, also caring and gentle. He earned good money as a leading manager in his father's thriving construction company.
Sometimes I even wondered why this wonderful young man paid attention to such a gray mouse like me. But, naturally, she kept such thoughts to herself and did not voice them.
Our first timid dates gradually grew into a whirlwind, dizzying romance with grandiose plans for the future. life together. And one day Borya invited me to his place to introduce me to his parents.
Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law - a story from life
Seeing this house (no, not a house, but a house!), I opened my mouth with amazement and delight. The luxurious two-story mansion made an indelible impression.
Oh wow! - she gasped, looking around at the huge, well-groomed garden stretching off into the distance with perfectly evenly trimmed bushes, the intricate milky stucco on the walls and the luxurious front porch. The heavy, imposing door slowly opened, and a beautiful, slender woman in elegant clothes appeared on the threshold of the house. She handed it to me thin hand covered with a light tan.
“Hello, Nadenka,” said Boris’s mother. - I'm Karina. Glad to meet you.
I hastily closed my mouth, afraid of blurting out something wrong and seeming like a naive fool, and vigorously shook my narrow palm.
“Wow, what a strong handshake,” she smiled. - Uncharacteristic of a girl... You probably go in for sports?
- A little. Aerobics, fitness. “Mainly to keep myself in shape,” I answered her straight away.
To put it mildly, I lied. I didn’t have enough money for paid classes. Therefore, the matter was limited to banal exercises in the morning and free jogging in the park.
Commendable,” Karina nodded. “I would like to know as much as possible about you,” she turned to her son: “Borenka, take the guest into the house.”
“Of course,” Borya grabbed my arm.
After a couple of minutes, I felt like Cinderella, for the first time in my life, in the royal palace. After all, the future mother-in-law and daughter-in-law were from different worlds. My thrift store clothes were clearly not for such splendor. Unlike my lover and his parents, I also did not differ in refined manners.
And what kind of manners can there be if my mother sells fruits and vegetables at the market, and my father was a simple worker at a factory (he died many years ago). We are as close to the aristocrats as to the sky. Perched on the edge of a chair, I fiddled with a handkerchief in my hands and confusedly talked about my life.
Periodically, nausea crept up my throat, and I was on the verge of losing consciousness from tension and excitement,
- School... College... Work... Nothing interesting...
- So after college you didn’t go to college?
“No...” I squeezed out, feeling another attack of faintness. And then she started chattering, explaining: “You see, I thought that I definitely wouldn’t get it on the budget.” But there is no money to study in a paid department. What is mom's salary in the market? Pennies... It only allows you to make ends meet. So I work to save money for my studies.
Of all this, the only truth was that I worked. About the institute - a lie. I actually didn’t think about further studies at all until today.
-Where do you work? - asked Karina.
- In the shop. “A salesperson,” she whispered, looking down. I was afraid to raise my head so as not to see the contemptuous look of my future mother-in-law. But contrary to my expectation, she suddenly clasped her hands and exclaimed, turning to her husband.
- You see, Gennady, how smart Nadyusha is! Independent, responsible! Not like these modern frivolous girls. They dress up so much that it’s scary to look at... All they know is to run around nightclubs...
“So I’m not modern? - I got worried. - Is this condemnation or approval? Judging by the tone, it’s more like approval,” and, having come to this conclusion, she exhaled with relief.
After the introductory small talk, everyone went to the dining room. We dined at a long table, covered with snow-white, by hand. embroidered tablecloth. Although we had lunch - this, of course, is a strong word. I didn’t eat anything for fear of mixing up the cutlery.
She returned home only in the evening, thoughtful and silent.
“Tell me how it all went,” my mother demanded.
“It seems normal,” she shrugged. - Borya’s parents treated me kindly. Although compared to them I am a beggar,” she grinned. - They don't have money. There are already four cars in the garage, can you imagine?
- So what? Just think, cars... Wealth is not the most important thing. If only you and Borya loved each other.
“Well, that’s not the main thing...” she drawled, not agreeing.
- Yes. Not important! - the parent stood her ground. - Your father and I were happy without any millions.
“And with millions you would be even happier,” I couldn’t help but fake it.
- Nadya, do you really think so? - she clucked like a hen. - Did I teach you this?
“Mom, I was joking, calm down,” she waved it off cheerfully.
Material wealth has never been considered a special value in our family. Despite the rather mundane profession of a salesperson, my mother lived in some special illusory world and constantly regaled me with beautiful phrases about soul, kindness, selflessness and forgiveness.
- I wonder if Boris’s parents expressed a desire to meet me? - Mom asked.
- They said it, but what... A gala reception is scheduled for next weekend in honor of Borya and I’s engagement. Naturally, you are invited too.
- Reception? - Mom said. - Well, it’s necessary... I’ve never been to any receptions in my life.
“You’ll be there,” I said.
In the middle of the week, the groom informed me that his mother wanted to meet me on Friday evening.
“We were going to the cinema,” I reminded.
“We’ll go another time,” he responded nonchalantly.
I didn't like it too much. Still, I was somehow already in the mood for romance, for furtive kisses in the last row. Does he cancel a date to please his mom? But why?
- Bor, listen, maybe I’d better meet her on Thursday? - she suggested carefully. - I just have a free day...
Nadya, since mom said Friday, it means Friday,” Boris answered. -Are you upset? Do not pout…
- Yes, I’m not sulking, I just wanted to spend the evening with you.
“We still have so many evenings ahead—we can’t count them,” he pulled me towards him, buried his nose in my hair, and I immediately melted, pressing my cheek tightly against his chest.
- Well, so, honey, agreed?
- Yeah... By the way, what does your mother want from me? - asked.
- I don’t really know... Like, go to the store together.
- For what? - I threw my head back and looked into his face.
- As far as I understand, she is going to buy some new clothes and seems to want to consult with you.
- Wow! - I was delighted. - So she thinks I have good taste? Cool! Does your mother dress in boutiques? Oh, there are such chic things there, but they are scary expensive.
“Nadyukha,” Borya rolled his eyes painfully, “I have no idea where mom gets dressed.” I'm not interested. Ask her yourself if this worries you.
“I won’t ask her anything,” she shrugged, “otherwise she’ll decide that I’m a stupid motherfucker.”
Boris laughed and jokingly poked me in the side.
- Well, that’s what you said - dammit. I had fun.
To be honest, I was very flattered that Karina decided to take me as an adviser, so all the resentment towards Borya immediately evaporated. After all, establishing a good relationship with his mother is now perhaps the most important task. It’s nice, damn it, when the mother of your loved one considers you a friend; mother-in-law and daughter-in-law should become friends!
Oh, what a Friday it was! Trips to expensive stores, where I didn’t even dare to look before. Helpful to the point of impossibility saleswomen, price tags on which, as in that joke, either the price is indicated or a telephone number. Kareena chose an elegant beige top with shiny gold thread. She twirled in front of the mirror and said:
- I'll wear it to your engagement party. And I have a matching white gold necklace on my neck. What do you say?
“I’ll say that you will be the most beautiful,” I complimented.
- You should be the most beautiful, my dear. This is your holiday after all.
I sighed, thinking that it was unlikely that I would look decent in my only dress-up suit, bought at a sale last year. Coming out of the fitting room, Karina casually handed a top to the saleswoman who flew up.
- I'll take this thing.
I moved towards the checkout, but my future mother-in-law called out to me: “Let’s take a look.”
She focused her attention on a dark dress with original sleeves. Simple, but very cute.
- What do you think? - asked me. - In my opinion, nothing.
“Cute,” I nodded.
In fact, the dress seemed a little gloomy to me, probably because of the color, but I didn’t dare contradict Karina. “Come on, try it on,” she said in an orderly tone.
- I?! But why? - Even her eyes widened in surprise.
- I want to see from the outside how it looks.
“You see, you and I have different figures, so you don’t have to navigate…” I began to babble.
- To the fitting room! - Karina said indisputably. I had to obey. I won't say that the dress was bad, just not quite to my taste.
Great! Let's take it.
- Just like that? And you don't even try it on?
- Not necessary.
- What if it doesn’t fit well on you?
- It doesn't matter. I'm not going to wear it.
I blinked in confusion.
“You will wear this dress to the engagement party,” she said.
- What? - I was taken aback. - But I... I... didn’t think...
- There's nothing to think about.
- But this dress costs more than my monthly salary.
- Doesn't matter. I'm buying it. Because I want you to look great at the reception.
Instead of objecting and admitting that I didn’t like the dress, I was full of gratitude, remembering that my mother-in-law and daughter-in-law were now like members of the same family. Then we taxied to a small restaurant for a bite to eat. I only wanted to order myself a cup of coffee, but Karina said that it was unhealthy and took us a glass of freshly squeezed juice. When I saw how much it cost, I felt sick. But my future mother-in-law was paying the bill, so I decided not to bother.
In general, as far as I understood, she was obsessed with the idea of healthy eating.
- No meat, only fish! She is very helpful! - Karina spoke convincingly. - And also various salads with olive oil. This is my usual menu.
I almost blurted out that I liked pork chops and chicken wings, but I caught myself in time.
- You support my views, don’t you?
“Totally and completely,” I smiled obsequiously.
There was no reason to upset Borya's mother.
Fine! I hope that through joint efforts we will re-educate our men too,” she winked.
- In what sense? - I did not understand.
- In direct. My husband and son still cannot understand that a person is, in essence, what he eats. They throw all kinds of garbage into themselves, swallow whatever they can. I'm already tired of fighting this! - she
rolled her eyes. - And now I have a soul mate. Together we are strong.
- Yeah, the force, that’s for sure, agreed out of politeness.
Then Karina began to talk about miraculous enemas, and I almost vomited the priceless juice. But I restrained myself and only nodded, so as not to offend my boyfriend’s mother. It was very important for me to win her sympathy.
The reception in honor of Borya and I’s engagement went great (except for the fact that the tables were filled with wholesome “nasties”). Karina did not leave me a single step, introduced me to all the guests, and chirped tirelessly, extolling my virtues to the skies. I won't lie, I was pleased.
The only thing was that I felt awkward in the new dress (well, I don’t like such a dark color!), but otherwise everything went more than fine. I didn’t even notice that my mother stood modestly on the sidelines all evening, not talking to anyone.
And the next day, sharing the most intimate things with mommy in our small kitchen, I happily tweeted:
- Borya’s parents promised to give us an apartment for the wedding! God, I can't believe this is possible!
- Isn't the gift too expensive? - said mom.
- Ma, if they can afford it, why not?
- Well, I don’t know... It seems to me, Nadyusha, that this is too much...
“Oh, stop it, mommy,” I waved him off. “And after the painting, Boris and I will go on our honeymoon.” Do you know where? Guess! At least try!
- I have no idea. Maybe to Turkey? Or to Egypt?
- No, no and NO! A week in Italy... - I spread my arms dreamily. - And a week in Paris! It's like a fairytale!
- The main thing is that the fairy tale does not end quickly.
- It won't end. Karina said that we are going to the Week high fashion in Paris. Let's go to the shows.
“Wait,” Mom frowned. - Which side did your precious Karina end up there?
“She’s coming with us,” I said.
- Seriously? Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law? On a honeymoon?! Oh well…
To be honest, I myself was shocked when I heard this news. But Karina presented compelling arguments: they say, under no circumstances should you miss the opportunity to attend a high fashion show. Who should you go there with if not her?
- Mom, I don’t understand what you don’t like. Let him go. Borya and I will stay in the honeymoon room, and she will stay in the room next door. What problems?
- Yes, none. If this doesn't bother you...
- Your decadent mood confuses me! Your daughter is getting married, but you don’t see anything joyful on your face.
The preparations for the wedding turned out to be no less grandiose than the celebration itself. Borina's parents covered all expenses. My mother contributed all her savings, but they were just a drop in the bucket.
Feeling obligated, I tried not to argue with Karina. She agreed to the outfit that she liked. She allowed herself to be persuaded into a hat with a veil, although she had always dreamed of a long white veil. The future mother-in-law even came with us to choose wedding rings!
My mother looked at the current state of affairs with bewilderment bordering on dissatisfaction.
- Nadya, you always had your own opinion on any matter, stop following Karina’s lead!
Deep down, of course, I agreed with her. But she didn’t say this out loud, but pretended to be content and happy.
Stop pitting me against my mother-in-law! - I told my mother. - I will have the wedding I dreamed of!
- You will have the wedding that Borya’s mother dreamed of.
In general, this is exactly what happened. But I wasn’t upset, I understood that in any case, Karina was making every effort, and for the sake of Borya and me.
“It’s just a wedding,” she repeated to herself. - Let him do as he wants, I don’t mind. Then everything will be different."
From honeymoon I returned, exhausted by the constant presence of my mother-in-law. For the first time, thoughts appeared that it was time to put an end to her obsessive friendship.
- Now let’s start buying an apartment! - the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law solemnly announced, that is, I was speechless. - Which area would you like?
“Oh, I don’t even know,” she was confused. - The main thing is that the apartment is warm and cozy. Well, we don’t need a big one, there’s no need!
-What do you mean “don’t need a big one”?! - she was indignant. - And when the children go, where will they play? I think there should be at least four rooms, and even better - five.
- But why so much?
- Don't argue, I know better. WITH tomorrow Let's start going to viewings. I already called the realtor.
- I can’t do it tomorrow. Only in the evening. My vacation is over, it's time to go to work.
- What job?! In the shop? Haven't you quit yet?
- Why on earth should I quit?
“It wasn’t enough to disgrace our family and stand behind the counter!” And then, Borechka is able to support her family. Am I right, Boris? Am I right?
- Of course, you’re right, mommy! - He hugged his mother by the shoulders.
And I again followed their lead. She obediently wrote a statement of her own free will.
Despite the fact that we went together to choose housing, Karina was not particularly interested in my opinion. She was guided solely by her own taste. And, of course, I didn’t disagree again.
Is it possible to express dissatisfaction if you are presented with such an expensive gift? In addition, I received an envelope with a certain amount “for furniture and trinkets.” I have never held such money in my hands...
But my life, under the strict guidance of my mother-in-law, changed dramatically. Pleasing my mother-in-law, my daughter-in-law began to dance to her tune... Together with her, we prepared healthy dishes (and I wanted fried potatoes!), drank freshly squeezed juice in the mornings (without coffee, I was simply dying!) , regularly visited the hairdresser and cosmetics shop (because her son’s wife had to look good), went shopping (but she was not allowed to meet with friends, it was “a shame to waste time”).
The most terrible evenings were: my husband, father-in-law and mother-in-law went either to a restaurant or to some reception. I already forgot when I spent time alone with Borya!
Rebellious feelings were brewing in me. Of course, if you look from the outside, everything seems to be in chocolate, there’s nothing to complain about. But in reality, I was ready to explode and ruin my relationship with Borya’s mother.
“You are a real treasure,” Karina repeated, which instantly disarmed me. - Sweet, obedient, pretty. I'm glad Borenka is so lucky.
“How will you sing if I stop giving in and start defending my point of view?” - I thought more and more often. One day my mother-in-law gave me a book about cleansing the body. And a couple of days later I asked: “Have you read it?”
“Well, of course,” I lied. - Very informative.
- In that case, we will fast together. I didn't expect such a turn.
“This is not for me,” she objected softly. - Just thinking about an empty stomach causes cramps.
The smile on her face instantly faded.
“I just don’t have the willpower,” I added.
“I’ll follow you,” the mother-in-law did not give up.
- No, really, I can’t cope with such a test.
“Well,” she stood up. - If you don't want to be healthy, that's your business. Although I thought you were smarter...
When my mother-in-law left, I felt remorse. At least run after her, apologize and agree to this crazy idea of fasting. But I didn't run. How long can you pretend to be an easy-going motherfucker?
And the last straw that overflowed the cup of my patience was the questions about my intimate life with Borya.
“I’ve been wanting to ask you for a long time,” Karina began one day without a shadow of embarrassment. -Are you protecting yourself? “We’re talking about contraception,” she explained, seeing my elongated face. “I’ve been thinking about this often lately and decided that it’s too early for you to have a child.”
- Well... - I hesitated. - We haven't talked about children yet.
- Right! Enjoy your youth and freedom. The whole world is open to you. I have always loved traveling, now four of us can travel together. Because with Gennady on trips you can die of boredom.
I was dumbfounded. I've had enough of my honeymoon with my mother-in-law! She doesn't understand what's in the way?
I went to my mother to seek salvation,
What should I do? - she asked. - She's already sick of me! It seems that she wants the best, but this kindness of hers stands in the throat. And you can’t object, you understand?! I can barely contain myself anymore.
- What does Borya say about this? - Mom asked.
- Nothing! He's at work all day. It’s mostly me who has to communicate with his mommy.
- You can go back to work too.
- But I have enough money...
- And you don’t go to work for money, but to feel like a person, and not just a beautiful doll. Well, you will see your mother-in-law less often.
I can’t imagine what she’ll say if I mention work.” She winced as if she had a toothache.
“Nadya, this is your life, not hers,” my mother reminded. “Sometimes I get the impression that you are married to Karina, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are a married couple,” she joked.
“You know, me too,” she mumbled in response. Of course, my barely audible squeak about going to work was drowned in the quiet (my upbringing does not allow me to shout), but murderous anger of my mother-in-law.
Don't you have anything to do?! - she hissed, turning white. - Look, the apartment is half empty, the furniture has not been bought yet, who should build the family nest?
“I will,” she hastily agreed.
- Here you go. I would help you, but we are just organizing a meeting of classmates, so I will be busy.
“It’s okay,” I barely hid my joy. - I can handle it myself, I assure you! - After a short silence, I timidly, but firmly enough, said: “And when I finish arranging the apartment, I’ll immediately return to work.”
“We’ll see,” the mother-in-law said evasively. - Anything can happen in life. It is unknown what will happen tomorrow...
I devoted the next week to furniture stores. The prices were just crazy. But since I didn’t need to save, I very quickly bought everything I liked. And the apartment finally turned into a real cozy family nest.
Nadyukha, I like it so much! - Borya admired.
But Karina, to put it mildly, did not approve of the new furniture.
“I don’t know how you could choose such a color,” she shook her head. - It's dark, like a cellar.
“This is intimate,” Borya joked to defuse the situation.
- Intimacy should be in the bedroom. What's with that creepy kitchen buffet? Antique, right? This is no longer fashionable!
“I didn’t chase fashion,” I flushed, “I bought what I liked.” This is our home.
“The house is yours, but the money is ours,” the mother-in-law said coldly. And I was forced to bite my tongue.
The next morning I called my former boss to find out if she would take me back. Fortunately, it turned out that there was a vacancy. Before I had time to hang up, the phone rang.
- Nadenka? “I made an appointment for you and me for a manicure at twelve,” my mother-in-law said.
- Unfortunately, it won't work. I'm going back to work.
“Hope,” said Karina. - Don't do anything stupid. You're not going to stand behind the counter and serve customers, are you? If you are so eager to work, I will tell my husband to take you to his construction company.
- But I don’t understand construction.
- So what? But you will be under the supervision of both Gennady and Borenka. And we will give you a good salary.
“I don’t need to “set” anything! - I mentally exploded. “And I can earn money myself!”
I believe that a husband and wife cannot work together. Professional activity should not be mixed with personal matters, otherwise company affairs will be discussed at home,” she said into the phone.
- Nonsense! - Karina snapped. - These are just ridiculous inventions!
To avoid conflict, I tried to joke:
- I don’t want Boris to boss me around.
It seemed to me that I expressed my opinion clearly and clearly, so I was very surprised when in the afternoon later husband asked:
-Have you really decided to work in our company?
- What? Why do you think so? - I instantly tensed.
“Mom said,” he pulled me towards him. - This is good. I see you so rarely, at least we’ll be together more often.
- You think? - pressed herself to her native shoulder.
- Well, of course. Besides, I trust you, I know you won’t let me down.
“I don’t know what to say,” I thought about his words.
- No need to say anything. My father is also in favor.
-Have you already discussed this with him? Without even getting my consent? What if I refuse?
- But mom said you want to work.
- I want... But... Everything turned out this way... Unexpectedly...
- In short, if you decide, I’ll get up at eight tomorrow.
I once again made a compromise. But as soon as I got into the swing of things, I discovered that... I was pregnant!
“Borya, we will have a child,” she told her husband.
- Super! - he screamed in delight. - I'll be a father!
Borya's parents were also happy. Even my mother-in-law, although earlier she persistently advised me to postpone motherhood.
“Don't worry about anything,” she said. - We will help you. Tomorrow I will make an appointment for you to see my gynecologist.
- But I’ve already been to the doctor. At our local clinic.
- In a free consultation? Do you want to save money on a child?! I can afford to find the best doctor for my daughter-in-law and grandson.
I had to agree. Why ruin the relationship if the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are happy with the expectation of the baby. Karina accompanied me every time I visited the gynecologist. I didn’t listen to any objections. She said that taking care of her grandson is her main responsibility. She also insisted that I leave work without waiting for maternity leave. I didn’t even imagine that I would again be captivated by good intentions.
But now she had a weighty argument - her grandson, his health, and I reluctantly obeyed the whims of my mother-in-law. A month before Borina's expected birth, Borina's parents brought a bright blue stroller.
- Most expensive! - Karina boasted.
I gritted my teeth and didn’t admit that I had my eye on someone else for a long time. My mother-in-law interpreted my facial expression in her own way:
- I know what to buy in advance - Bad sign, but we are the same modern people, we do not suffer from superstitions.
“Still, I ask you not to buy anything else until the baby is born,” I said as calmly as possible.
“We’ll see...” the mother-in-law responded nonchalantly.
My request was blatantly ignored. Even before giving birth, the closet was filled with baby things.
“I came to an agreement with everyone at the maternity hospital,” said Karina. - Of course, I paid a lot, but I don’t mind anything for my grandson. The birth took place without any complications. IN due date I gave birth to a healthy toddler weighing four kilograms. Soon I was discharged.
We were met at home by... Karina.
“Usi-pusi,” she cooed. - What a handsome man! A copy of Boryusechka as a child. Oh, you are my sunshine, my Bogdanchik.
I looked expressively at my husband.
- Mom, what kind of Bogdanchik? - He understood my point of view correctly.
- We have already chosen a name.
- What do you mean you chose? And they didn’t consult me?
“Mom, but actually we are the parents,” Borya noted.
- And I am a grandmother! - my mother-in-law retorted.
- Yes. Your grandson's name is Nikolai.
-Are you crazy? Also call Vasya!
I struggled with a frantic desire to send her away. But my beloved husband controlled himself.
- Nikolay - very original and extraordinary. You can call him in the French manner - Nicolas.
My mother-in-law liked this option.
“Nicolas,” she tried the sound. - Not bad.
“That’s good,” Boris nodded. - And everyone is happy.
We won a small victory. But... My mother-in-law decided that I was too young and inexperienced, and came to us often.
“Nicolas, look at this little rattle,” she sang, bending over the crib. - Will you go to grandma's arms?
“He’ll get used to the hands and get spoiled,” I noted.
- Let him get used to it. That's what grandma is for, to spoil her. I endured, counting to myself to one hundred so as not to break down.
- And now we are giving our boy a bath, because mommy is still weak. Yes? Yes? - she lisped.
- I can handle it myself.
- Rest, my dear, I’ll take care of everything.
My irritation was about to spill over, so I gathered my strength for a serious conversation.
You see, Karina, the thing is... - I began hesitantly. - You are too protective of us. “I would prefer that you warn me in advance about your visits,” she blurted out the sore point.
- Am I interfering?!
“No, Lord, of course not,” she babbled. “But I would like to somehow restore order, tidy up the apartment, and not accept you in such a mess,” she turned away.
“Thank God, you yourself raised this topic,” she perked up. - My opinion is this: it is necessary to hire a housekeeper.
- Well, yes, that’s all we needed! - I exclaimed.
- And what? All my friends have housekeepers. And Alevtina cleans my house twice a week.
- I can take care of the house myself!
Yes?” She pointedly looked around. - It’s just your imagination, darling. Tomorrow I will send Alevtina to you.
“Let’s call the cook,” I said sarcastically.
- Cooks? - my mother-in-law took my words at face value. - No problem. I’ll talk to my friends, maybe they’ll give me some advice...
- Karina, I was joking!
“My dear, in every joke, you know...” she remarked thoughtfully. And already at the door, throwing a fur stole over her shoulders, she said: “And we also need to find a good nanny.” I looked into her eyes, hoping it was humor. But, alas...
“Housekeeper, cook, nanny…” I listed. - All that remains is to hire a woman who will perform marital duties instead of me.
“Nadya,” Karina pursed her lips, “aren’t you ashamed?” I try, but you are always unhappy with everything. And this is instead of gratitude!
- I’m very grateful to you, really! But why hire all these women? What will I do in this case?
“At least you’ll start looking after yourself,” she looked at me with an arrogant look. - A woman should always look great. And you? Look at you... Motherhood is motherhood, but stretched out on your knees sweatpants, these T-shirts are stained... Fi!
I have never been humiliated like that before. Yes, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law looked different...
Don’t be offended, my dear, but think about what I told you,” she finally said.
The resentment spilled out into angry tears. As if sensing my mood, Kolenka woke up and cried. I calmed my son down, fed him, changed the diaper, wrapped the baby in a warm blanket and... went to complain to my mother. She listened to my lamentations, thought and said:
You're like Don Quixote - you fight windmills.
-You mean to no avail? I understand this myself. But I don't know what to do.
- Talk to your husband. He probably doesn't know what's going on.
“I don’t know,” she agreed. “I try not to burden him with my domestic problems.”
- These are not your personal problems, but your common ones. Therefore, my advice to you is to enlist the support of Boris. Or at least find out what he thinks about it. Maybe he's on his mother's side.
But my husband decided to support my point of view.
- Nadyushka, I also don’t really like the fact that my mother dictates her terms to us and gives us valuable instructions. But I kept quiet, I thought everything suited you.
- Not satisfied!
- So, we will build our family as we see fit. Don't want a housekeeper? Well, it is not necessary! I'll be home on Saturday to help clean up. And it’s okay if you don’t have time to cook dinner. I understand everything, Kolya requires attention. When I come home from work, I’ll whip up something myself, it’s not hard for me.
“Bor, I love you so much,” she hugged her husband.
Having learned that, against her will, I was refusing to hire hired workers, my mother-in-law was offended and did not communicate with me for two whole weeks. I never even stopped by to see my grandson. She didn’t know that I had made another epoch-making decision - to go to work. I discussed this with Borya and explained that I wanted to communicate with people and develop somehow.
“I don’t mind,” said the husband. - But what about Kolya? IN kindergarten It's probably too early to give it away.
- What a kindergarten, the child is still small.
- Then we need to come up with some way out.
“I’ve already thought of it,” she said in a boastful tone.
- Seriously? Enlighten. I suppose you settled on a nanny?
“Nope,” she smiled radiantly. - I’ll try to come to an agreement with my mother, she just retired. I’ll take Kolenka to her in the morning and pick her up in the evening.
- Don’t you want to connect my mom?
- Yours? - she repeated, surprised. - I somehow didn’t even think about this. But it's worth a try.
My mommy was extremely happy when I said that I was going to entrust her with my grandson.
- What happiness! - she clasped her hands. - Nadya, I’m ready to sit with him on weekends!
“This is only if my husband and I feel the urge to retire for a romantic weekend,” I giggled.
- Have as much privacy as you want! - Mom exclaimed.
- Actually, I still need to talk to Karina. You see, she is exactly the same grandmother as you. And he probably also wants to look after his grandson.
- Clear. “I’m being crossed out,” my mother smiled bitterly.
- Nothing like this. I’ll just find out what she thinks about this, and, most likely, Nikolai will be with you for a week, and Karina for another week. So that no one is offended by anyone. Otherwise, all we missed was the grandmothers’ war over their beloved grandson.
But my mother-in-law, after listening to me, became furious, immediately realizing that everything was being started so that I could go to work.
- What kind of work if you don’t have enough time for a hairdresser?
- Karina, let me decide for myself...
- Decide! Cheers! How much will fit! - she screamed like a market woman, where all the gloss had gone. - But remember, we won’t help you in any way! We won't give you a penny! Just know it! She was eager to work!
She was indignant until the heavy front door slammed behind Kolya and me.
Now in my perception this luxurious oak door has become a kind of symbol. Everything that happened was left behind her, there, in the past. And a new happy life awaits me ahead!
I finally went to work. My mother-in-law declared a cold war on me. The father-in-law whispered in confidence: “Don’t worry about it, she’ll go crazy.” I smiled. But the smile was not very cheerful. It is unpleasant when there is conflict in the family.
A couple of weeks have passed. And yesterday my mother made me promise to remain silent (at least for the time being) and shared a secret:
- Today Karina came. She misses her grandson. Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law should be friends!
I instantly felt better - as if a heavy stone had been lifted from my soul. I realized that very soon everything would be settled, and no one would be offended by anyone.
Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law - a story from life
2015, . All rights reserved.
I met (then a single young mother with a three-year-old son in her arms) on the path of life nice guy. He called me to the registry office. It calls for a week, a month, a year, a second, a third. What, I say, dear, are you missing in your life? And so, they say, we live well. But no, give him a stamp in your passport. I finally persuaded him. Wedding, rings – everything is like people’s.
- the woman, in principle, is not evil, but one of those people who is popularly called “black-mouthed”: shouting, swearing, being rude to a website is a favorite and common thing. At the same time, she did not hold a grudge against anyone for a long time and did not hide her resentment in her bosom, but, as if with a tub of slop, she immediately showered her opponent with “arguments.” It almost never bothered me (my husband and I began to live in his parents’ apartment after our wedding), and, one might say, there were no conflicts. But behind the scenes, on a bench near the house, all the discontent of the mother-in-law was regularly poured out in a stormy stream. Let him talk, I think it’s not my tongue that hits my teeth, it earns calluses. And where have you met a mother-in-law who is happy with her daughter-in-law?
I became pregnant and gave birth to a beautiful daughter on time. And by that time my husband was completely out of control. From mother's hands. And he doesn’t wash the dishes for the whole family, as he used to (he only rinses his own plates in the sink, as his wife taught him). And he doesn’t put dirty socks under the bed, but in the laundry basket, and doesn’t wait for his woman to clear away the “fragrant” rubble. And he doesn’t want to discuss his mother’s TV series over evening tea anymore. A scoundrel, in a word, a traitor and a traitor. The grandmothers in the yard unanimously decided that he was a scoundrel and a traitor.
The mother-in-law, being in fierce sadness, decided to return everything to normal. In fact, we need to return our eldest and beloved son to his usual state! She picked it up and went to stay with relatives in the outback. She left for a short time, was absent for about a week. She came back so joyful, she flies around the house, chirps, and makes no complaints. Thank God, I think I’ve calmed down, rested, and maybe at least I won’t worry or be nervous.
About a week after my mother-in-law arrived, I overheard her conversation with my mother. Baba Katya, apparently, reprimanded my mother-in-law, her daughter, for something, and she loudly made excuses, saying, why are you, mom, saying such things, that grandmother is faithful and nothing bad will happen from what she did. Yeah, I think it’s “b-z-z-z” for a reason!
I started cleaning the house and for some reason decided to dismantle the winter locks that were standing on the mezzanine, located above the corridor in front of the kitchen. I’m washing the jars, wiping the dust, and suddenly I feel at the very edge, near the door... an egg. The usual one egg. I don’t put my hands on the nest egg - but how about something starts hatching from there right now! She took a towel, pulled out the “treasure” and called the family for a council. I even quoted the classic to everyone who came running - how, I say, your mother, I apologize, understand?! What, I say, are these undeclared products stacked here? Surely a reserve was made in case of nuclear war?!
The mother-in-law was all running around for some reason, fussing about, and blushing fieryly. This, he says, is from the village, homemade. Like, she brought a whole package, put it on the mezzanine, and apparently the site just rolled out. I popularly explained that there was a refrigerator in the kitchen, so there was no need to arrange chicken products in an unconventional way. “The fish didn’t say anything, it just splashed its tail in the water.”
I looked with my impudent gray eyes straight into the eyes of my embarrassed relative and said: “As long as I’m alive, no one can offend me or my children. Nobody and no way!” Of course, I wanted to add more demonic laughter and shout, like Good Eeh from the cartoon: “You will remember me forever!”, but I decided not to make it worse.
My husband, wanting to defuse the situation, took this unfortunate egg from my hands and took it somewhere outside. And I, remembering the advice of my beloved grandmother, smiled mentally and with all my heart wished happiness and health to the one who started evil against me. My grandmother told me: “You, granddaughter, forgive them and imagine that a mirror is growing around you. Clean, washed with dew and dried by the sun.” So I imagined such a mirror and hid myself and the children under it.
We lived for some time, and suddenly everything started rolling. The father-in-law began drinking like crazy, so much so that soon he was hospitalized with a stroke, his arm was paralyzed and he was drying up before his eyes. My dad got into a terrible accident, was badly burned, and was barely saved. My husband fell ill in the hospital, almost went to the next world - they could not make a diagnosis for a long time, and at that time the disease was gnawing at the heart valve. Younger brother husband, a healthy guy, seemed to have gone off the rails: he began to get involved in any small conflict, he was beaten more than once, he was beaten brutally, almost to death, the police often visited.
In general, all the men in two families suffered in a way that you wouldn’t wish on your enemy. Everyone except my little son. I once approached my mother-in-law and said: “You see, mom, how your testicle behaves? I warned you - the harder you spit at me, the more you will be showered! But your village grandmother screwed up somewhere, it wasn’t you who got drenched, but our men. You should at least feel sorry for your relatives! The mistake needs to be corrected."
Mother-in-law left. Not for long again. And upon returning to church, she began to go to church, read prayers, and brought me icons so that I could embroider them with beads. I did the embroidery. With joy and peace of mind.
Peace has been in our family ever since. Nowadays we live separately with our in-laws, and on holidays we go to visit each other. And the mother-in-law, when she is nevertheless overcome by the desire to express her dissatisfaction to me, catches herself in time and falls silent. You can only sometimes hear him muttering under his breath as he leaves: “Witch!” And I just laugh. Maybe the site really is a witch. Only kind and happy.
Peace and joy to you, lady-in-law!
You can see how to easily and quickly make believable and creepy makeup for Halloween in this instruction (photo and video). Don’t be lazy to celebrate this mystical holiday fully armed!
