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Guided children kindergarten what to do. A teenager and bad company - what should parents do? Slave child: what to do

Guided children kindergarten what to do. A teenager and bad company - what should parents do? Slave child: what to do

20.06.2020

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Slave child 5 years old what to do

Guided child: what to do?

Your child is very obedient and trouble-free, never argues with you, and in the company of children always agrees with the rules of the game of more active comrades. He happily shares his toys, compliments everyone and never gets into conflict, even if he doesn’t agree with something.

Such children are called followers. In order to understand why the baby developed such a character trait, you need to understand in more detail the reasons that caused it.

Usually, children who are under the overprotection and subordination of their parents, but due to their temperament, do not find the strength or sufficient motivation to resist this state of affairs, become followers. Usually phlegmatic, melancholy, or sickly, not very active children become followers.

When interacting with peers, led children automatically transfer their relationships with their parents to relationships in the group. Often conformist children become followers. Sometimes the motive for such behavior may lie in the area of fear of loneliness. The child is afraid that if he does not accept other people’s rules of the game, no one will be friends with him.

The result does not take long to wait. Such children often become the target of jokes and teasing because they are unable to fight back. They are teased with various offensive nicknames. In games, they always get the most unwinning roles, their opinion in the group is never taken into account, more active children begin to command and push them around.

It is not difficult to simulate the future of such a child. Agreeing with the opinion of the group or crowd in everything, such people will take on the role of a follower in the future. Submitting to their parents, they choose the wrong profession that they would like to do, the wrong type of activity, and if they are under the influence of their comrades, they often commit antisocial acts.

All this leads to dissatisfaction with one's life, nervous breakdowns in future. Therefore, it is necessary to correct the behavior of a driven child from an early age, when passivity has not yet become a dominant character trait.

Where should you start working? First of all, explain to your child that you must defend your opinion. Even if the child does not agree with the parents’ opinion regarding his life or everyday life, he needs to argue, and not agree unconditionally. It is important to develop in a child leadership qualities and the ability to defend their opinion. To do this, encourage in every possible way any independent action of the child: an offer to play a game, go for a walk to a specific place, etc. Never put pressure on your child with your authority; you must not give the child the impression that parents are the last authority, from where only directives come that must be followed unconditionally. It is important that the child understands that parents are also capable of making mistakes.

Teach your baby to say “no!” This is a very important ability to refuse a person if for some reason he cannot fulfill the request. You don’t have to agree on everything, even with older, authoritative people. This will help the child in the future not to get hooked by those comrades who persuade them to try alcohol or drugs or encourage them to commit illegal actions.

The ability to say “no” when necessary! will help the child grow into a self-sufficient and conscious person who is able to go through life, focusing only on his own goals and ideals, who knows how to achieve his own.

Teach your child to argue and defend his point of view. Start disputes with him on a variety of topics and at the same time give in to him. Take into account the child’s opinion, allow him to put his ideas into practice, because theoretical reasoning alone will be of little use.

Play games with your baby in which he will act as a leader, managing some part of life. For example, let him be the father of the family, and you his daughter, that is, in a situation where social roles are changing.

All these measures taken together will correct the child’s behavior and prevent him from being a pawn in the hands of more active friends, allowing him to become more decisive and independent.

modnuesovetu.ru

Driven baby. How can parents prevent this from happening? If parents do not give the child freedom, they make all decisions for him themselves, they have no trust in his natural ability to benefit from anything, both from mistakes and from trials, his development is closed only around himself, the safest thing for a child is only they themselves, and their advice and instructions are only the most correct, then the driven child lives and grows up with such a position.

The child is driven - what to do, how to fix it?

The child is driven - what to do, how to fix it

Friendship is considered to be a union of two or more people who have similar interests and hobbies, or vice versa, a union of opposite people who are able to complement each other in some way.

At about the age of four, the child is already trying to cooperate and distribute roles and tasks in games. By the age of five or six, the child does not yet strive for self-affirmation.

At this age, something else is important, that is, some common cause, and it doesn’t matter whether it’s a simple conversation or a game. The main thing is to be together with the little one.

Right now there is a new feeling of doing something for a friend, a desire for partnership. And we adults know very well that outside the house, not everything is so colorful; the child will encounter grief and even disappointment there.

Friendship under no circumstances can be consumeristic, because its basis is mutual assistance; everyone should benefit from friendship, not just one party. One of the friends should not always be the lifesaver, a true friend will not remain silent if his comrade intends to do something bad or a big mistake.

If your child does not occupy a leading position in the team, he is a valuable member of the group, since he has his own opinion and has his own view of what is happening. Likewise, a leader can show direction, both good and bad.

When a child is a follower, he tries to find his place in a peer group, he tries to fit in with the group, but since he lives in strong subordination to his mom and dad, then in the group he will take the place of a subordinate.

Other children, alas, are able to very quickly recognize a trouble-free child and use it to their advantage.

For example, in kindergarten such a child will do tasks that no one wants, and on the playground will play roles that others do not like. Whenever conflict situation, such a child will be pushed around and will support the side of the strongest, despite the fact that the truth may be on the other side.

How can a child be taught to distinguish a negative example from a positive one? The child is a follower - you need to try to teach him to think independently of what is happening and intrusive from the outside.

To do this, he must - first: be able to set his own goals, achieve the tasks that he has outlined, believe in his own strength, and be able to say no to someone who is trying to lead him astray. The second is to give yourself a healthy and realistic assessment.

How to help a child develop leadership qualities or simply become an individual?

Is your Follower Child far from being a leader? Do not be upset, because no matter how soft, impressionable and gentle your baby is, developing the qualities of a leader will only benefit him. The main thing is just don’t overdo it, you don’t need to forcefully turn your baby into someone he is not, someone he can never become, and most importantly, he doesn’t want to!

The child should be given as much freedom as possible, let him accumulate experience in solving various problems and minor difficulties. Through them, the child learns many skills that will build his confidence and awareness of his own Self (“I know how to do this”).

If you live in a private house, you can buy a playground and arrange a yard for play, inviting children to play with your “master of the situation.” For parents of children living in high-rise buildings, we offer to order a playground inexpensively, collecting money from the entire large yard!

Allow your child to invite many different friends to visit you, among them, someday there will be one for your child soul mate, faithful friend.

Teach your child to look for differences in the thoughts and actions of different characters, heroes - what they are like (courage, envy, devotion, anger), how to relate to them and how to react to them. Focus on which friends are real and which are false. When you read, sometimes get distracted and ask, for example: “how do you like it?” The Snow Queen? Why is Gerda looking for her little brother?”

In order for the Guided Child to cope with his indecision and uncertainty, create several situations in which courage and firmness are needed, and play them out several times.

The child needs to be trained in those moments where he is faced with aggression towards himself, where he is forced to do something bad and turn a blind eye to something. Here are some possible situations: You are advised to cross the road in a dangerous place. Explain your position on this matter. Or: your friend offends a girl or a younger child. Stop him.

You need to dream together with your child. Imagine walking through a fairytale forest and saving a little bunny from a gray wolf, and then helping him find his family. Imagine how you are in space or at the bottom of the ocean, trying to fight thirst, walking through a hot desert, and so on. You need to use positive associations more often: “imagine yourself strong,” “imagine yourself on a fairytale horse.”

The child needs to be told that people are all different, everyone has their own opinions and preferences, and what everyone likes is simply impossible. But we can always be honest with ourselves and with people. Teach your child to correctly express his attitude towards his peers, whether it is good or bad, and even to refuse what is unacceptable for him. Speak with conviction, looking the offender straight in the eye.

The child does not need to be scolded or punished for failures and mistakes. Let a mistake be a valuable lesson, not a feeling of guilt.

Parents need to teach their child to always finish what they start. Offer him your help if something doesn't work out for him.

Only parents who know how to laugh at themselves and who take care of the personalities of their children can teach a child to laugh at themselves.

You can play as fat aunts, dress up as clowns or shaggy uncles and wait until the child himself wants to take part in this game. When a child who is not confident in himself tells you: “I’m funny, look at me,” then you have won!

Parents should welcome any endeavors of their child and support all hobbies and interests. Even if they change several times a day, they enrich the child’s worldview and help him in further self-determination.

How to teach a child to trust himself?

Before you have your say and help others accept and understand themselves, you first need to correctly assess your personality and individuality. The child must understand his value and not sell it for cheap.

The love of parents can help a child with this. Let your child feel that you don’t need to do anything special for him to feel your love. Let your child be sure that you love him very much, and this does not depend on whether he is beautiful or not, successful or not at all. Our negative assessments lie at the heart of children’s complexes.

Parents need to recognize their child’s right to their own opinion. Only the person who has a choice is able to bear responsibility for the decision he chooses.

What if the follower child took the wrong step? Under no circumstances say: “I told you so, I warned you,” these words seem to imply satisfaction with the failure that occurred. It’s better to say: “yes, it didn’t turn out quite as you thought. But we need to think about how everything can be improved.”

A driven child learns to make decisions himself and sometimes makes mistakes in them, but the main thing is that he himself will learn to correct them, and will continue to get better, he will not stop trying and will not be afraid of the consequences. And this is the first step towards taking responsibility for your life.

Parents need to recognize their child's successes, even if they expected much more from him. You need to focus on achievements, and you shouldn’t dwell on failures.

Parents need to ask their child if he likes what they call him. After all, mom and dad very often don’t even suspect that with their seemingly “harmless” nickname they can lower the child’s self-esteem.

You should always try negative thoughts change to positive. One day a child came home from a walk upset, dissatisfied with the fact that he had recited a poem poorly, or had broken, lost or soiled something - don’t scold him. Not all artists sing well, not all historians know mathematics. Try to support your child here too with joy in your voice: “Can’t overtake? But how well you jump!” “Not everyone has to be a football player, someone has to be an artist!”

The child definitely needs to say words of praise, and not just “well done,” but “what a beautiful tree you drew it, clever girl” or “how deftly you throw the ball.” A driven child must understand that all parental praise is given for any achievements and it is much more valuable simple word“clever girl.”

Come up with positive guidelines for doing something for both yourself and your child. For example: “I am the bravest”, “I am the kindest”. At the end of the day, you can talk about those things with which you proved your kindness and courage.

You can play this game: “I boast a little, but that doesn’t mean I’m arrogant.” When the child does something, let him say new nicknames: “I am the most skillful artist” or “I am the most accurate ball thrower.”

You need to teach your Child not to be afraid to do any undertakings. For example, is he afraid to climb the children's ladder? “Today we can climb just one step and just stand, and tomorrow we will climb another one.

Allow your child to grow and learn according to his mental, physical and even emotional capabilities. Often set any feasible tasks for your child that will certainly be successful. Then the child will believe in his strength, in himself and will try more.

You should always listen carefully to your child. It's a lot of work for mom and dad to get away from the TV or housework. Why is this needed? Then, when communicating, people look into each other’s eyes, trying to understand the interlocutor’s thoughts, motives and feelings.

Remember also your childhood experience. Your personal life examples and stories will become an invaluable experience for your child.

The child is driven - we can completely fix it!

sosed-domosed.ru

My son is a wingman

Not every child who was a follower in a peer group ends up in bad company. These things are not related to each other at all. And it is better to be a “follower” in a good company than a leader in a bad one. Whether your son will become a leader or not depends on what opportunities were given to him by the Creator and his parents. If he has a penchant for leadership and has not been bullied by overbearing parents, he has every chance of becoming a leader. And he will later decide for himself who and what he should be.

If you mean spinelessness, readiness to obey anyone and everyone who starts giving orders, then this is a completely different problem. It is called “low self-esteem,” which entails a reluctance to take responsibility.

When a child views himself as a being of little value, weak, stupid and unsuccessful, he will readily submit to any leadership, even of very low quality. That is why the Soviet government (like many other authorities) invested so much effort in humiliating and trampling the human personality. Rams are easy to manage. People are difficult.

Therefore the most the right way teach leadership - increase a child's self-esteem. This is not a quick task, and it must be taken seriously and responsibly, because self-esteem is the foundation of a person’s entire life.

First of all, the child must be treated in such a way that he understands and FEELS that he is loved (see “love languages”). He needs to be praised a lot: with and without reason. Soviet education said that there is no need to praise, well, except for a feat, but it is necessary to point out more what has not yet been done. This supposedly helps a person become a better person. And if he just behaves well, there is nothing to praise for, that’s how it should be. The true goals of such an ideology - see two paragraphs above. Downtrodden people automatically become followers.

Check - why is it not profitable for your son to be a leader? How do you, his parents, feel about the manifestation of his leadership qualities? To reluctance to obey instructions, for example? To the desire to do what he thinks is right? In the answers to these questions you can find the answer to your first question...

Praise your son, notice any success he has, even the smallest and most insignificant. Convince him that he is smart, strong, wonderful, talented. Support him when he is having a hard time. The main quality of a leader is to rise after falling. To teach this, you need understanding and patience; you cannot rush him to “rise.” Learn to criticize without offending, and reduce the number of instructions addressed to him. Then he will have the opportunity to learn to respect himself and develop as a person.

And even if he decides not to become a leader in his company, he will be the leader of his life, a person who has principles, knows how to set and achieve goals, makes decisions independently and rightfully enjoys the respect of others.

toldot.ru

Not to be led: how to teach a child to have his own opinion

Modesty and tact are, of course, good. However, it is necessary to remember: in order to succeed in life, you need to have your own opinion on various issues, as well as be able to express and defend your point of view. And you need to learn this from childhood. Whether the parents take into account the opinion of their child and allow him to make some decisions on his own depends on whether he will have his own opinion in the future or whether he will become a follower.

Well, who is he like? - my friend Ira, mother of five-year-old Timofey, laments. - Today, on a walk in the kindergarten, I threw my hat into a puddle. I ask why, he says, Ilya said so. He obeys this Ilya in everything!

How to get rid of such a statement? To do this, you need to instill in the child a sense of self-worth. And the confidence that his own opinion, opinion little man is as important as anyone else's. Even an adult. And also the ability to defend this very opinion.

First, think about whether you allow your child to independently make decisions that the family accepts and supports. For example, he chooses where you go on the weekend, comes up with a scenario for his birthday, or expresses his wishes regarding food. Can he independently choose clothes and decide with whom to play? If all this is difficult for him, it’s time to start acting.

To prevent a child from growing up as a weak-willed and passive person, psychologists advise parents to adhere to several rules. They are simple, but for some reason they are always forgotten about.

1. Do not impose your opinion on the baby and always be interested in his preferences.

If you ask a question what T-shirt (dress) he wants to wear, after receiving the answer, agree with his choice. If you see that the choice is clearly not suitable, explain the reason (reasonably) and offer other options.

By the way, this will help cope with such a problem as children's whims. For example, a child does not want to go to kindergarten. You ask if he'll wear a penguin T-shirt or a checkered shirt today. The child switches to the problem of choice, and the hysteria about the kindergarten fades away.

2. Give advice, but correctly. Push for a decision, but don’t decide for him.

This should be advice and tips, but in no case scolding. IN otherwise the child will have a negative attitude towards parental advice. Yes, yes, after a few years it will be rolling your eyes at the ceiling just at the sound of your voice. Regardless of the quality of the advice.

You can just hint that he's in in this case doesn't do the best the best choice, and immediately explain why and how he should act in such a situation. But if he insists on his own, then there will be some consequences for which he will have to bear responsibility. And then let the baby decide for himself what is right.

Children's obedience is directly related to sleep

3. Listen to the child - and hear.

Listening is not only about hearing the sound of a voice, individual words and entire phrases. It is important to understand the speaker, and not only the meaning, but also the child’s perception of this topic, his feelings and emotions. Give your child feedback: he must understand that you hear him, you are interested in his opinion. And under no circumstances cut him off mid-sentence: “In short, we do this…”

4. Never answer a child’s question with the phrase: “Because I said so!”

Firstly, this formulation does not explain to the child why it is necessary to act this way and not otherwise. Secondly, if he gets used to the fact that only mom (dad) decides everything, what kind of personal opinion can we talk about? He will understand that it is much easier to take a ready-made solution and stupidly follow the instructions.

5. Let him be in charge.

Let your child “cut the boss” and decide something for the whole family. In this case, of course, we are not talking about any serious issues or problems. Here we are talking about things like, for example, going for a walk together. Let your child choose where you and your family will go this weekend. This way the baby will feel that his opinion is truly valued and taken into account.

6. Talk to your child as equals - without sarcasm or irony.

Depending on how you talk to your child, when he shares his thoughts with you, talks about something, it depends whether he wants to continue doing this. You may think his experiences are stupid, but under no circumstances mock them. Psychologists also advise not to pat a child on the head or shoulder; for children, all this is expressed neglect. Like patting a dog on the scruff of the neck.

Why is all this necessary? Then, so as not to fall under bad influence in the future. After all, if a child understands that his opinion is not an empty phrase, then he will be able to defend this very opinion later. And it doesn’t matter where it will be: in communication with peers, in a school discussion or at work. And most importantly, the baby will not be a follower, blindly following someone else’s example.

There is no need to raise children: 11 commandments of a real dad

Scientists have discovered where leadership qualities come from

A child without his own opinion rarely bothers his parents, because we ourselves teach him to obey and trust our requirements and tastes. But by the age of 7, this can become a problem - especially if there are friends next to him who know exactly what they want. And then the follower becomes an object of manipulation. First at school, then in life.

February 22, 2015· Text: Svetlana Zabegailova· Photo: Shutterstock, GettyImages

Parents who do not give their child freedom, decide everything for him, do not trust his natural ability to find benefit from both trial and error, and close his development around themselves. YOU are the safest environment for him, YOUR instructions are the only correct ones. A child lives and grows up with such a directive.

The child, in search of his place among his peers, tries to fit in with the group, but, constantly being in strong subordination to his parents, he is also only able to be in a subordinate position in a group of children. Of course, he is not comfortable, but he is forced to go against his desires. The main thing is to be accepted, to gain a foothold in a group of guys, the rest is less important. Alas, other children quickly figure out how to use their new reliable friend: in kindergarten he will perform tasks that no one likes to do, and on the playground he will play roles that no one wants to take on. In moments of children's conflicts, they will be pushed around, and the baby will always support the stronger side, regardless of whose side is right. So the baby will gradually learn to humble himself and become weak-willed and lacking initiative.

The complete lack of freedom of choice in childhood has an extremely negative impact on children's self-esteem. A grown-up child will consider himself insufficiently competent, respected, will always be indecisive, which means he will not be able to take a worthy place in life and will certainly not achieve what he could.

Friends since childhood

Don't interfere with children's friendship, it teaches a lot and is very important.

Friendship is a very valuable union of two or more people with similar interests and views on the world, or, conversely, absolutely opposite and complementary. Is childhood friendship strong? Undoubtedly, there are a huge number of people who have grown up, and even grown old, who have carried through their entire lives a precious relationship with their childhood friend.

By the age of 4, a child’s communication with peers becomes meaningful, he tries to cooperate, distribute tasks and roles in the game. By the age of 5-6 years, the child does not yet strive for self-affirmation at any cost. At this age, something else is more important - a common cause, it doesn’t matter whether it’s a game or just a conversation. The main thing is to be together. It is at this age that a new feeling first arises - the desire to do something for a friend, the feeling of a shoulder and the desire for partnership. The child sees in front of him another person who thinks differently, is interested in different things, plays different games. These activities are no better or worse, but they are different and this is the first thing that attracts the little researcher.

But by the age of 7, the child develops an interest not only in activities, but also in the personality of his little friend. The baby pays attention to him and consciously takes care of him. And, of course, in all these joint activities, the mutual copying of words, movements and gestures comes first. And your attempts to eradicate children's craving for imitation will be almost hopeless.

Imitation at this stage is the most important mechanism for assimilating experience and adapting to the world. But we, parents, know that outside the apartment, not everything is so rosy; the baby will face grief and disappointment.

Friendship should not be consumeristic, because the basis is not so much revenue as mutual assistance; everyone should benefit from this personal symbiosis. One should not be a constant lifesaver or vest for the emotional cleansing of someone's soul.

A true friend will not remain silent if his friend does something bad, will not be indifferent when his friend is about to make a big mistake, will not remain silent if his friend is wrong. Even if your child is not a leader in a group of children, he is a valuable member of the group because he has his own opinion on all issues and is not afraid to voice his view of things. And a leader can show both good and bad direction.

How to teach him to distinguish a positive example from a negative one? It is necessary to help the child develop independence of thinking and behavior from what is imposed from the outside. To do this you need to give him two keys. The first is the key to yourself – a healthy and realistic assessment of yourself. The second is the key to the doors that he wants to open - the ability to set his goals, believe in himself, achieve his goals and say “no” to those who are trying to lead him astray.

10 diseases that interfere with life.

So, what makes us “followers”:

Low self-esteem
Feeling of one's own inferiority.
Submission and devotion.
Lack of a developed sense of responsibility.
Excessive gullibility.
Lack of life experience. Unstable beliefs.
Timidity and shyness.
Increased sensitivity, emotionality and impressionability.
Uncritical thinking.
Acute emotional loneliness.

KEY ONE: “I trust myself very much.”

Before you have your say and help others understand and accept yourself, you need to correctly assess your personality, your individuality. Understand your value and don't sell it cheap.

10 straws for our soul:

1. Unconditional love of parents.

She should be here first! Help your child feel that he doesn't have to do anything special to earn your love. Whether he is successful or not, handsome or not, you love him very much. Children's complexes are based not on the child's real problems, but on our negative assessments.

2. Recognize successes, even if we expected more.

The emphasis should be shifted to the very fact of achieving the goal, and it is better not to focus on failures at all.

3. Call yourself affectionately.

As you like? Don't you like it at all when I call you that? I understand, I won’t do it again! Parents don’t even suspect how often they lower their children’s self-esteem with their “harmless and innocent” nicknames.

4. I set myself up for success.

Come up with positive ideas for the week for yourself and your child:

“I am the kindest” or “I am very smart”

At the end of the day, you can tell what exactly you did to prove your kindness and confirm your courage. Play the game: “I boast a little, but I’m not arrogant.” When doing something, create new and new pseudonyms: “I am the most skillful Dumpling COOK”, “I am a clever BubbleDUV”.

5. Change negative thoughts to positive ones.

If a child comes home from a walk sad, is dissatisfied with how he read a poem, breaks something, gets it dirty, or loses it, don’t swear. Not all singers are artists, and not all pianists are mathematicians! Try to provide support in this trouble: “Can’t jump over? But how can you run!”, “Not everyone can be an artist, someone has to fly into space!”, “Are you dirty? Great, I’ll teach you how to remove stains with a special secret remedy.”

6. I'm proud of you for...!

Tell your child words of praise, but not just “clever girl,” but “you drew such a wonderful sun, smart girl,” “great, you caught the ball.” The child must understand that praise is given for some achievements. In the end, she will be much more valuable than the usual “well done.”

7. Don't be afraid to start.

Afraid to climb a hill? But we can climb one step and stand on it today and tomorrow and, if necessary, the day after tomorrow. And then there will be step two.

Allow your child to grow and learn within his or her physical, mental, and even emotional capabilities. Set feasible tasks that are doomed to success in advance, and then the child will gradually learn to trust himself, believe in his abilities and try more.

8. What do you think?

Recognize your child's right to a personal opinion. Only those who have a choice are ready to take responsibility for the consequences of their decision. But what if it suddenly fails? Don’t say: “I warned you,” these words contain some inexplicable satisfaction with failure. Say: “Yes, it didn’t turn out quite as you expected. Think about what needs to be fixed.” The kid decides for himself and makes mistakes, but the main thing is not this, but what he will do better next. He will not stop trying, he will not be afraid of the consequences. And this is the first step towards the ability to take responsibility for your life.

9. I listen to you carefully.

The method of active listening is the work that forces dad to take his mind off football, and mom to take her mind off the dirty dishes. Why is this necessary? Because when people talk to each other, they look into each other’s eyes, they want to understand their interlocutor, his thoughts, feelings, motives.

10. It was 100 years ago.

Your own childhood experience is a real storehouse of valuable lessons; these are stories that teach a child without moralizing and grumbling.

KEY TWO: “I am not a leader, but I am a PERSONALITY!”

10 rods for my child.

Are you far from a leader? Don’t be upset, because there are both gray cardinals and modest princesses. No matter how soft, gentle and impressionable your child is, developing leadership qualities will only benefit him. The main thing is not to overdo it and not to try to make the child someone he is not and someone he is not capable of becoming and, most importantly, does not want.

1. I am an independent kid.

Give your child more freedom, let him accumulate rich experience in overcoming various tasks and difficulties. Through them, he learns many skills that build in him the confidence “I know how to do this.”

2. I love to dream.

Dream together as often as possible. Imagine yourself walking in a fairytale forest and saving a sick wolf from evil hunters, and then helping him find true friends who didn’t know him at all before and for some reason were afraid of him. Imagine how you are exploring space, the depths of the ocean, fighting thirst in the desert, making your way through marshy swamps. Use positive visualizations as often as possible: “imagine yourself strong”, “imagine yourself successful”, “imagine yourself on a fiery horse”.

3. I am a valiant hero.

Read to your child fairy tales about heroes who help someone out of trouble, overcome dangers, fight their own passions (fears, greed), look for stories with a clear moral. Discuss them. Learn to distinguish between the actions and thoughts of different characters, what they are (jealousy, lies, envy, courage, devotion), how to relate to them and how to react to them. Emphasize which friends are real and which are imaginary? When taking a break from reading, ask: “Do you like Gerda? Why do you think the little robber keeps animals in captivity? Is it because she’s very bad, or is she just very lonely?”

4. I have already lost this role.

Tell us that all people are different, look different, have different preferences, so we can never please everyone. But we can always remain honest with people and with ourselves. Teach your child to correctly express his attitude towards people (whether it is good or bad), to refuse what is unacceptable to him. Speak with conviction (the main thing is not what to say, but how), look the offender in the eyes.

To combat children's uncertainty and indecision, create a series of situations, the way out of which will require a certain firmness and courage, and play out these situations with your child repeatedly. You need to literally coach, train him on those moments where he encounters aggressive behavior, he is forced to close his eyes to something, to do something bad, or he just needs to gather his courage and overcome his shortcoming.

6. The main thing is not to lead - the main thing is to finish.

Teach your child to finish what he starts. Let your parental motto at this stage be: “I will be there and together we will cope”

7. Initiative is not punishable!

Welcome any endeavor. Support and approve your child’s ideas, hobbies, interests. Even if they quickly replace each other, they still enrich the child’s worldview, make him competent in many areas, and help him in further self-determination.

8. I can laugh at myself.

Only a parent who is capable of laughing at himself and who is careful about the personality of his children can teach a child to laugh at himself: “Don’t be afraid to be funny. I'm terribly awkward. I love to make faces. Look how comical I look with a pillow and a big red mustache. Imagine how funny it will be if you paint your teeth black and draw a black eye, and then greet your mother from work like that.” Play clowns, fat women, shaggy men and wait for your child to want to take part in this venture. When an insecure child tells you, “Look, I'm funny,” that's a victory!

Agree
Compromise
Coping with dissatisfaction, jealousy, resentment
Experiencing disappointments and breakups
Defend your rights, toys, beliefs
Share your feelings, secrets, thoughts
Overcome fear and uncertainty.

Such children are called followers. In order to understand why the baby developed such a character trait, you need to understand in more detail the reasons that caused it.

All this leads to dissatisfaction with one’s life and nervous breakdowns in the future. Therefore, it is necessary to correct the behavior of a driven child from an early age, when passivity has not yet become a dominant character trait.

All these measures taken together will correct the child’s behavior and prevent him from being a pawn in the hands of more active friends, allowing him to become more decisive and independent.

“It’s as if Alena was replaced,” a colleague complains about his daughter. - She was a quiet, obedient, homely girl, she dressed modestly, did not conflict with me, and studied. Now she has become rude, she dresses provocatively, her skirt barely covers her butt, and I smell tobacco from her from time to time. And all the new girlfriends, girls from dysfunctional families, they taught her everything. I can’t imagine what to do!” Of course, the changes that Alenina’s mother talks about would not please any parent. What is the reason for this behavior of the “home girl”? And what did her mother miss? What could she do to avoid the harmful influence on the child’s personality from “informal leaders”?

Leaders and followers

Children, like adults, can be leaders and followers. There is no need to explain what this means. Of course, all parents want their child to be a leader in the company of peers. Fathers of boys especially insist on this - they are flattered when their son grows up to be a “real man.” But - unfortunately, and maybe fortunately - not all people are born leaders. Fortunately, because imagining a team, a family, a world, finally, consisting of only leaders is simply creepy - here it’s not far from bloodshed. Should you be sad if your child is driven (we are not addressing ambitious dads, but sensible parents who want happiness for their children)?

There is probably no reason to be sad after all. Well, in fact, you’re not sad, say, because your child was born in winter and not in summer? So the “statement” should be taken for granted. After all, if we talk about the future of such a child, there are a lot of professions where leadership qualities are not required. This, for example, is all creative professions. Well, why should a writer, artist or actor, journalist be a leader? Who should they lead? Unless, of course, the actor wants to become the chief director of the theater, and the journalist wants to become the editor-in-chief. But a career can be made without pronounced leadership qualities: their absence is compensated by high professionalism, ambition and ambition, enterprise, and the ability to make the necessary connections, finally. It's another matter if your child is spineless. Let's talk about this in more detail, because this character trait can lead to very unpleasant consequences. The task of parents is to influence the child’s personality in such a way as to eradicate this quality.

Comfortable baby

Let us remember the words of Alena’s mother, which we quoted at the beginning: “a quiet, obedient, homely girl,” “did not conflict.” The mother seems to be complaining that before it was easy and convenient with a child, the girl could be controlled. And now Alena tried to show character, get rid of parental influence, perhaps even pressure. But since she does not have character (that is, independence, decision-making skills), she, having ceased to obey her mother, began to obey her friends. If everything goes well for her, if she’s lucky and doesn’t fall into completely bad company, then she will continue to obey her husband, boss, etc. in the same way.

It turns out that what her mother was so happy about should actually be alarming.

If you are used to making decisions for your child, if to every “I myself” from early childhood you answered: “You can’t. You don’t know how,” if you chose friends for him, if you constantly repeated that you know better what he should do, because you are older, smarter and more experienced, then do not be surprised if he, having ceased to obey you, begins to obey another person. I would like to hope that this other person will not teach him anything bad. What if he does teach?

Allow children to make mistakes

What to do? The answer is simple - educate independent person. Let your child not be a leader, let him never reach the top of the career ladder and never, say, run for president. But he must have his own point of view on any problem and be able to defend this point of view. If you are a parent of a preschooler, now is the time to start working on this. How? There are several rules that must be strictly followed, even if there is a great temptation to ignore them.

Firstly, never offer a ready-made solution, even in small things. Create situations where the child will have to make a choice. Invite him to decide for himself what kind of porridge he will eat, what clothes he will wear, where will he go walk.

Secondly, do not suppress his initiative. Of course, you want to wash the dishes faster and finally relax, and not wait for your child to flood the kitchen floor with water and stir up dirt in the sink. Stop yourself. Don’t tell him: “No need, better play.” Be patient and wait for him to wash everything. Then, when he goes to bed, wash both the dishes and the kitchen floor. Not many people, I must admit, find the strength to do this. But those who find, believe me, are rewarded.

Teach him to defend his position. How? First of all, by personal example. Don’t just ban it - Gleb Zheglov could say as an argument: “I said!” You will have to explain any prohibition: “I don’t allow it, because...” they suggest playing the game “Cunning Argumentator” with a preschooler or elementary school student. The presenter puts forward a thesis, let’s say: “It’s bad to quarrel because...” The rest must prove this thesis. Theses, naturally, should correlate with the age of the participants in the game.

Work on mistakes

Well, what should Alenina’s mother and other parents do who have discovered that their children are ready to obey anyone, including marginal peers?

First, about what not to do.

First of all, we want to warn you against a very common mistake that can only aggravate the situation. Under no circumstances should you forbid your teenager to be friends with those you don’t like - you will cause a backlash. Don’t try to say nasty things about these people you don’t like - you won’t achieve your goal; on the contrary, the child will try to find a counter-argument for every argument you make, so that these very marginal friends in his own mind will turn into knights without fear or reproach.

Now what to do.

Meet these friends. No matter how unpleasant it may be for you, invite them home. Let the child’s communication with them take place on your territory.

Talk to your child more, go for walks, travel. Try to become his friend and interlocutor. This will not happen immediately, it will take time, but if you are patient and persistent, you will take a place in his life, gradually displacing “bad friends”, your influence on the child’s personality will be stronger.

Increase his self-esteem. Praise even for little things, do not humiliate, do not emphasize his shortcomings. Let him gain self-confidence - there will be a chance that over time he will stop being “led by” the cheap tricks of leaders who gather around themselves a weak-willed and spineless flock.

Teach your child to say “no.” This skill will be very useful to him in life. Explain that you can only step over yourself and your beliefs in rare cases, which have happened once or twice in your life. In all other situations, you should not allow yourself to be manipulated.

Yes, and by the way, think about it - shouldn’t you change something about yourself? The Russian teacher Ushinsky said: “Only a personality can educate a personality.” Pathetic, of course, but essentially fair, isn’t it?

The child is driven - what to do, how to fix it?

The child is driven - what to do, how to fix it

Friendship is considered to be a union of two or more people who have similar interests and hobbies, or vice versa, a union of opposite people who are able to complement each other in some way.

At about the age of four, the child is already trying to cooperate and distribute roles and tasks in games. By the age of five or six, the child does not yet strive for self-affirmation.

At this age, something else is important, that is, some common cause, and it doesn’t matter whether it’s a simple conversation or a game. The main thing is to be together with the little one.

Friendship under no circumstances can be consumeristic, because its basis is mutual assistance; everyone should benefit from friendship, not just one party. One of the friends should not always be the lifesaver; a true friend will not remain silent if his friend intends to do something bad or a big mistake.

When a child is a follower, he tries to find his place in a group of peers, he tries to fit in with the group, but since he lives in strong subordination to his mom and dad, then in the group he will take the place of a subordinate.

Other children, alas, are able to very quickly recognize a trouble-free child and use it to their advantage.

For example, in kindergarten such a child will do tasks that no one wants, and on the playground will play roles that others do not like. If a conflict situation arises, such a child will be pushed around and will support the side of the strongest, despite the fact that the truth may be on the other side.

How to help a child develop leadership qualities or simply become an individual?

Allow your child to invite many different friends to visit you; among them, someday there will be a kindred spirit for your child, a faithful friend.

Teach your child to look for differences in the thoughts and actions of different characters, heroes - what they are like (courage, envy, devotion, anger), how to relate to them and how to react to them. Focus on which friends are real and which are false. When you read, sometimes get distracted and ask, for example: “how do you like the Snow Queen? Why is Gerda looking for her little brother?”

In order for the Guided Child to cope with his indecision and uncertainty, create several situations in which courage and firmness are needed, and play them out several times.

The child does not need to be scolded or punished for failures and mistakes. Let a mistake be a valuable lesson, not a feeling of guilt.

Parents need to teach their child to always finish what they start. Offer him your help if something doesn't work out for him.

Only parents who know how to laugh at themselves and who take care of the personalities of their children can teach a child to laugh at themselves.

How to teach a child to trust himself?

The child can help with this. Let your child feel that you don’t need to do anything special for him to feel your love. Let your child be sure that you love him very much, and this does not depend on whether he is beautiful or not, successful or not at all. Our negative assessments lie at the heart of children’s complexes.

Parents need to recognize their child’s right to their own opinion. Only the person who has a choice is able to bear responsibility for the decision he chooses.

A driven child learns to make decisions himself and sometimes makes mistakes in them, but the main thing is that he himself will learn to correct them, and will continue to get better, he will not stop trying and there will be no consequences. And this is the first step towards taking responsibility for your life.

Parents need to recognize their child's successes, even if they expected much more from him. You need to focus on achievements, and you shouldn’t dwell on failures.

You should always try to change negative thoughts to positive ones. One day a child came home from a walk upset, dissatisfied with the fact that he had recited a poem poorly, or had broken, lost or soiled something - don’t scold him. Not all artists sing well, not all historians know mathematics. Try to support your child here too with joy in your voice: “Can’t overtake? But how well you jump!” “Not everyone has to be a football player, someone has to be an artist!”

The child definitely needs to say words of praise, and not just “well done,” but “what a beautiful tree you drew, smart girl” or “how cleverly you throw the ball.” A driven child must understand that all parental praise is given for any achievements and it is much more valuable than the simple word “clever.”

Remember also your childhood experiences. Your personal life examples and stories will become an invaluable experience for your child.

The child is a follower - we can completely fix it!