- I have a feeling that if I die, my wife will come up to the coffin and say: “He died on purpose, just so as not to do a damn thing!” She:
- A woman’s hands should tremble from gifts, her legs from sex, and her heart from love!
He:
- And you, my love, won’t the resonance tear you apart? Children are scared by uncles, uncles are scared by children. I read on the Internet that on December 21, 2012 there will be neither the end of the world nor a terrible and painful death. Simply, all people will connect to a single information field and learn the whole truth about the past and present. So my wife will find out too. So it’s still a terrible and painful death. The kitchen is a very easy place for women to relieve stress. For example, I took out a turkey, named it Sanya, Vanya, or something else, cut off everything I wanted, and slowly dropped it into boiling water... I bought a book: “Poisons. Yesterday, today, tomorrow” (I just decided to read it)
For the second day, my husband washes the dishes, takes out the trash, and agrees on everything... An ideal family. Wife:
- Darling, go drink vodka!
Husband:
- Darling, I haven’t washed the floors yet! Listen to women - they all have brilliant children!
And all from idiot husbands... -Have you cleaned my jacket?
- Yes, dear.
- And the trousers?
- Of course, dear.
- And the boots?
- So, do you have pockets there too? By listening carefully to a woman, you help her understand what she wanted to say. If you want to save a relationship, do not ask a woman about the past and a man about the future. I stopped my wife from buying books like “beauty and health”, “ideal figure in 2 weeks” - simply by showing photos of their authors. - All men are goats!
- Yes darling. Everything.
- And you too?
- I'm the biggest goat in the world!
- Then why did I marry you and live with you for so many years?
- But now we have smoothly moved on to the topic that all women are fools. Note to the owner. Ironing a housewife is much easier than ironing a shirt and trousers. To get rid of your wife’s scary but obsessive friend with her problems once and for all, it’s enough to ask your wife casually: “Where is our Svetka, with her gorgeous, appetizing ass?” Boy to girl:
- On the one hand, you are very beautiful.
- And on the other?
- And on the other side you have a face. Two guys meet:
- I heard you got married...
- Yes, and my wife is great - both in the kitchen and in bed...
- How does she manage to do everything?
- Yes, I made a bed for her in the kitchen... At the pharmacy:
- My husband constantly complains of chest pain, suffocation, cramps and dizziness. Do you sell earplugs? Women spend money wisely!
As a result - no intelligence, no money... A conversation between two Muscovites.
- Yesterday I was with this cool girl I met - smart, intelligent, with an excellent figure!
- Is she beautiful?
- I don’t know, she hasn’t taken off the gauze bandage yet.
If a blonde's eyes light up, it means the cockroaches in her head are celebrating something. Due to the prolonged heat in Russia, scumbag guys have become in high demand among girls. Every time he swam naked at night, he naively believed that there were mermaids... Don’t brag that your wife is the best: women may be offended, and men will want to make sure. Two men meet, one says:
- Just imagine, I recently became impotent, and it turns out that the world is so interesting: there are theaters, cinemas, circuses, parks... - I heard that Nikolai got married. You don’t know, out of love or for profit?
- Well, he took his wife for profit, and money for love. A man's heart consists of two ventricles. One for vodka, the other for snacks. - Why are you so fat?
- Because I eat breakfast myself, my friends share lunch with me, and my enemies give me their dinner. Courage, honor and courage - these are the three signs of my alcoholic intoxication. - And here in Sochi I found myself a girl. Smart, kind, loyal, beautiful...
- Are you happy?
- Was happy. Until the smart one found out about the kind one, and the faithful one about the beautiful one! Making a woman happy is difficult, but possible. The hardest thing in this situation is to remain happy yourself... Women don’t think, they plot! - Tell me, how did your wife go crazy?
- We traveled in the mountains, where there is a beautiful echo. But the wife is accustomed to always having the last word... A man’s belly is a mound of glory over the hero’s grave. A man chases a woman until she catches him. All women live by the same motto: “Love cannot be used,” but where to put a comma, each one chooses for herself... If a man washes his socks, it means they are his last. A man's pride goes through the roof when he pees and flushes the tea leaves down the toilet with well-aimed hits. A man in a supermarket, addressing one of the customers:
- You know, my wife got lost somewhere in this store. Could you give me a moment's attention?
- Why is this?
- You see, when I talk to beautiful woman, my wife always suddenly appears out of nowhere. Men only pretend that they don’t understand women! It costs them less. An obviously non-Russian woman was looking at the burning hut when she was knocked down by a horse. It is impossible to find out anything from a woman at any age: a girl’s memory smoothly turns into women's secrets, and they, in turn, lead to senile sclerosis. Sex is the kind of thing that, after taking it for an hour, you understand that sex is not the most important thing in life... Only the earth can accept a woman as she is. Men are divided into goats and rams.
Rams are men who are poorly versed in female psychology.
And the goats - who understand things too well. As it turns out, the most popular questions after vaccination are:
Male: - Can I drink?
Female: - Is it possible to wash?
Hence the conclusion: the main problem of a woman is that she is dirty, the main problem of a man is that he is sober. The wider the wife's waist, the longer the husband's working day. - Why do women get married?
- Lack of life experience.
- Why are they getting divorced?
- Lack of patience.
- Why are they getting married again?
- Lack of memory. Sensation! Finally, it was possible to present women's thoughts in a simple and understandable diagram.
- And I affectionately call mine: my bunny, my fish, my bird.
- What is she?
- And she will spread out her ears, bulge her eyes, and click her beak. Only women are afraid of old age. Men, as a rule, do not have time to get scared... - Dad, who did you want more - a boy or a girl?
- Actually, son, I just wanted to have a good time... Sign: if annual rings have already formed on your cup of coffee and tea, it’s time for you to get married. He who does not take risks does not drink champagne and does not listen to Mendelssohn. Happiness is not in those women with whom you want to sleep, but in those with whom you want to wake up. Never marry a woman with whom you can live. Marry the one you can't live without. If a woman is angry, it means that she is not only wrong, but also understands it. A man is interesting to a woman as long as he is interesting to her friends. The motto of all women: we are born to turn money into dust!
"Dear girls! If you have come from a job advertisement, please take the following test before entering:
1. Take two steps away from the door.
2. Place your hands behind your head and put your elbows forward.
3. Move forward slowly until you touch the door.
If your elbows touched the door before your chest, we are very sorry, but we have to refuse your candidacy." American neurophysiologists have discovered that words spoken in a melodious female voice are processed in the male brain not by the speech perception center, but by the music perception center, and only then is the information transmitted to the speech center. That is why men often do not immediately understand the meaning of what a woman said (Science and Life, No. 3-2006) If you want to feel light and comfortable with a woman, you need her. light up. When you have money, you have women! Money disappears - women disappear! Women disappear - money appears... If you can remove women from this vicious circle, you will be fabulously rich!!! - Dear! Did you buy milk?
- Molokaku??! I didn't drink!
A woman's wardrobe is when there is nothing to wear and nowhere to hang it! - Can your wife stop a galloping horse?
- When she is without makeup, they stand on end. For seventeen years in a row, a man got up early every morning to walk his dog. And then the dog died. The man woke up, as always, at 6 o’clock, lay there for a long time and sighed, and finally woke up his wife:
- Listen, would you like to go for a walk with me? The gentleman's skill lies in taking a lady to the theater so that she retains a feeling of gratitude, but does not have the desire to go again. - Yes, there used to be women in Russian villages who would stop a galloping horse and enter a burning hut.
-Where are they now?
- Burnt!
She would like to live differently
Wear a precious outfit
But the horses keep galloping and galloping,
And the huts burn and burn...
Oh, how much does our woman need! If only the huts were burning and the horses were galloping!
He will stop a galloping horse and enter a burning hut...
In general, what won’t he do, just so as not to wash, iron, cook... What you need to impress a woman:
- compliment her
- respect her
- caress her
- hug her
- protect her
- spend money on it
- give her wine and feed her in restaurants
- buy her what she wants
- listen to her
- stay with her
- support her
- go to the ends of the earth for her
...
How to impress a man:
- undress and prepare to eat. A man who decided to get married thought for a long time which of the three girls in love with him to marry. He decided to give each of them $5,000 and figure out how they would manage it.
The first one bought expensive clothes, the best cosmetics, went to an elite beauty salon - in general, did everything to look perfect, and said: “I love you very much and I want everyone to know that you have the most beautiful wife in the city".
The second spent all the money on her potential husband, buying him new suits, shirts, tools for the car, and said: “You are the most important thing to me, so I spent all the money on you.”
The third put $5,000 into circulation, earned another $5,000 and returned everything to the man: “I love you very much. I did this so that you understand that I am smart and not wasteful.”
The man thought - and married the one who had larger breasts.
Once upon a time, only women lived on earth. And one day one of them asked the Lord:
- I pray to you, God, make me the most beautiful, the most desirable of all women.
- What about the rest of the women?
- Yes, damn it, with them!
This is how men appeared on earth.
Guys, there's a problem!
My wife returned from vacation a day early and caught me washing dishes. He doesn't want to listen to any explanations. She says I lied to her all the time, that I can’t do it. I tell her, you know, it’s hard for so long without a woman, I couldn’t resist, but no more, I swear, and she went to the refrigerator. But I didn’t have time to finish eating anything I had prepared, I thought I’d have time tomorrow. And here you have borscht, pilaf and half a pie twice. In short, I was completely burned out. I tried to tell her that he took women, but where would she go after the dishes? In short, what to do? Divorce?
My son is smoking through the window in the kitchen. He hears the door slam in the hallway: his mother came home from work. He threw away the cigarette and sprayed it with air freshener.
Mother comes in, he makes excuses:
- Mom, I honestly didn’t smoke! It's the neighbors that stink.
- Yes, smoke, drink, take the women home - maybe at least you’ll finally get married at 44 years old!
Why haven't you married yet?
- Yes, I bring girls home, their mothers don’t like them!
- Bring someone who looks like her mother.
- Brought it, dad started swearing!
A real man should be able to properly set fire to a hut and disperse a horse, so that a woman has something to do in her spare time.
Men are sitting in the bathhouse.
The mobile phone rings. One picks up the phone and answers:
- Yes, dear, what did you want? A fur coat? Of course you can! Do you know where the money is? Fine! More boots? Yes please! A handbag? Yes, buy it!
Turns off the phone and says:
Guys, whose phone number?
If a man claims that he has ceased to understand anything about women, it means that he has finally understood them.
At a table in a cafe, a man says to a woman:
- Sorry, but on the dating site I didn’t imagine you at all like that...
- Man, drink, drink!
Preparing for the wedding, my girlfriend chooses the decoration of the hall and music. I deal with the everyday side of the issue. I am transferring the property to my parents.
Every girl dreams of a bad boy who will be good only for her.
Every boy dreams of a good girl who will be bad only for him.
A man tells a friend:
“I got married recently, I’m carrying her in my arms around the apartment, and then she says:
- Vasya, we’ve already signed, haven’t we? Let me climb on your neck...
For women, childhood ends when they are called not to eat, but to cook...
A woman has three age stages:
1. Making my father nervous
2. We get our husband
3. We piss off our son-in-law
Spicy jokes about a man and a woman
A man comes to a sex shop to buy a rubber woman.
The seller asks:
- Do you want an ordinary one or one with intelligence?
- With intelligence.
The next day the man returns to the store:
- Change it to normal.
- What’s not to your liking?
- I didn’t give it.
A tired killer walks into a bar in Arizona, puts his rifle on the table and orders himself a drink. The farmer sitting opposite asks politely:
- Excuse me, but can I look at my house through your optical sight?
“Look, it’s not a pity,” the killer answers.
- How much do you charge for work? – the farmer asks after a minute. -There my wife is having fun with our neighbor!
-A thousand dollars for one shot.
- I’m crying twice! But you have to shoot off his dick and her head.
“Okay,” says the killer and begins to aim.
- Well, why are you delaying?! – the farmer shouts after a couple of minutes.
- Wait, you! I'm trying to save you half.
The newlyweds agreed to make love only on those days of the week that contain the letter “r”. One day a tired husband comes home from work, and the wife starts harassing him. He asks her:
- Honey, what day is it today?
- Monday! - she answers.
Monya, where are you running like that?
- Oh, don’t ask, I’m in a hurry to urgently fulfill my marital duty...
- Monya, you live in the other direction!
- I sense that I won’t be able to carry it there!
One couple had no children. No matter what clinics they went to, all to no avail. Desperate, they decided to consult a sex therapist, although they knew that everything was fine here. After listening to both of them, the doctor advised the man to somehow “take possession” of his wife at the most unexpected moment, then, according to him, conception might occur.
After 4 months happy couple comes to the doctor again to thank him for the advice, which really helped. Then the doctor asked the man to linger and asked him how he managed to “possess” his wife so suddenly that she became pregnant. He answers:
- She was looking for something in the refrigerator, and I crept up behind her, lifted her skirt and... this...
- Hmmm, she was probably very surprised.
- Yes, she’s okay, you should have seen the faces of the customers in the supermarket!
Father, is a woman allowed during Lent?
- Yes, but not fat.
Jokes about men and women are very funny
A man on the subway stares at a woman. She turned out to be not a timid person and says:
- Man, why are you staring at me like that? Enough already, you're undressing me with your eyes!
- What are you, what are you?! You are already getting dressed, and I am smoking...
A man and a woman met at a resort.
On the first day, the man stroked the woman's hand. On the second day - elbow.
On the third day, when the man dared to touch the woman on the shoulder, she said irritably:
- What do you think - I came here for six months?
A man bought two geese, a bucket, an anvil, and then two more chickens for cheap at the fair. He is walking home, and a woman meets him:
- Tell me how to get to the village?
- Come with me, I'll show you. Just let's go through the forest, it's closer.
- Well, of course, otherwise I don’t know you guys! As soon as we go into the forest, you’ll press me against a tree somewhere...
- What are you, a woman? Do you see how many animals I have in my hands? How can I?
- Yes, it’s very simple! Cover the geese with a bucket and an anvil on top.
- Where will I put the chickens?
- Okay, I can hold the chickens.
My wife is concerned about my erectile dysfunction. She and I have different views on its cause.
She bought me Viagra, I bought her a treadmill.
Svetka, get up, 15 minutes left before work!
- What are you doing? Are you crazy??! Couldn't you wake me up earlier? I only need to put on makeup for 20 minutes!!!
- Don’t yell, you were asleep, I already put on your makeup.
A man and a woman are lying on the bed and looking at the ceiling. The woman’s thoughts: “Silent. Doesn't want to talk. Surely he has already stopped loving me, he has someone else. The relationship is over...” The man’s thoughts: “A fly, a fly on the ceiling. How is she holding up..?”
If a woman starts crying, confuse her and start crying back.
If you listen to women, they all have brilliant children, but their husbands are idiots. Genetic paradox!
Woman - How much is in this word... Unforeseen expenses
Real men have a happy woman. The rest have a strong
Do you want to prove to your husband that men are looking at you? Walk a little ahead of your husband and stick your tongue out at every passing man. Success guaranteed!!!
It’s purely feminine logic to pluck your eyebrows and then draw them in with a pencil. Men certainly don't understand this.
Sometimes girls do things with their mouths that all men adore. They are silent!
Failure to understand the reasons for a woman’s resentment does not relieve a man of responsibility.
Pets are like their owners. And you, girl, probably keep a crocodile at home?
Dedicated to all the girls who say, “All guys are the same.” If I were a decent girl, I wouldn’t know all the guys...
The wife found out about her mistress - NIGHTMARE!!! Earthquake, pogrom, forest fire!!! I thought life would hardly be worse for me... But then my mistress found out about my wife!
Sometimes you really want to approach ladies who overdo it with cosmetics and, like on a car, write with your finger: “Wash me”!
“Yellow is a sign of separation,” I thought, looking at his teeth.
So can you explain to me why you guys so rarely give girls flowers? - And you don’t give us beer at all!
My husband was jealous of the computer... strange, but never jealous of the gas stove...
I love everything about my future husband! Only one thing is a little annoying - we are still strangers.
The most annoying thing is when you have carefully thought out a dialogue in your head, but your interlocutor does not speak according to the text.
Girl, can I sit with you for a little while? - It won’t work out a little, with me they will immediately turn gray all over my head.
Men have feelings too. For example, feeling hungry.
I was kicked out of math class. Apparently, the correct answer to the question “What comes after 69?” - not a mouth rinse.
The man asked the sage: “Why do women have headaches so often?” To which the sage replied: “My head hurts.” weak men, and the strong ones make her dizzy!
- Girl, who do you think you are? - It’s none of your business who I think I am.
Men are like birds: they can sing for a long time and beautifully, and then give a shit and fly away
Cosmetics are a thing that helps a woman not to scare men with her natural beauty.
How smaller woman you love, the more screwed you are!
Yesterday you came from a corporate party, I took your shoes off, told you a hundred compliments, patiently listened to who said what to whom, what a fool she is
Nelly Stepanovna, I danced with you three times your favorite song from Pulp Fiction, gave you a massage twice, opened champagne at your whim, somehow put you to bed, stroked your hair...
Today I came back from a corporate party: - long discussions about why it was so late and why there was lipstick on my shirt, then a rag in the face and the drunken beast went to hell, I’m not talking to you...
THIS IS EQUALITY!!!
There are two books on the table: thin and thick. On the thin one it is written: “Logic”. On Tolstoy: "Women's Logic. Volume One."
It is easier to undress a woman against her will than to dress her according to her wishes.
Men's:
Women's:
- What else could I put on my face?..
There are three periods in the life of every woman: in the first she gets on the nerves of her father, in the second - her husband, and in the third - her son-in-law.
In the phrase " romantic dinner“For a woman, the key word is “romantic,” and for a man, “dinner.”
A strange man, when drunk, is so cheerful and interesting! And when it’s your own, then it’s “a fool for a fool”...
Women's logic: I know that I am guilty, but I was offended.
In tears, the wife reproachfully says to her husband:
- You are callous! You don't even care why I'm crying. Do you want me to tell you?
- No need! I don't have that kind of money anyway!
Imagine that you come home, and your wife notices traces of lipstick on your back. How will you justify yourself?
“I’ll say: “Darling, there’s no point in denying what happened, but you see, I dodged as best I could!”
All you guys know how to do is stare at tits!
- Do you think that if I walk around with my fly open, you will look me in the eyes?
Women don't think! They're planning!!!
Don't bring out the bitch in me, she doesn't get enough sleep anyway, poor thing...
Why don't you men know what we women want?
- Why do you women know what we men want, but don’t do it?
Thoughts when viewing a cosmetics catalog.
Men's:
- What kind of bullshit they can come up with to extract money from people!
Women's:
- What else could I put on my face?...
Which plucked instrument is the loudest?
- A woman's ass. If you don't believe me, pinch me!
When meeting a man, the first thing a woman looks at is her ring finger. right hand, and only then for everything else.
A man, assessing a woman, looks at her legs, chest, eyes, and doesn’t care ring fingers all arms and legs!
From the woman he loves, a man first goes blind, and then goes deaf.
The man drank - FORGOT EVERYTHING! The woman drank - she REMEMBERED EVERYTHING!!!
Interrupt talking woman is permitted only as a last resort and only with the words “I’ll buy”, “I love”, “Yes, I’m a fool! " and "FIRE!!!"
Sixth Sense
My young friend Lesha works as a security driver for some Boss. He seems to make good money, but by the evening he is completely exhausted and, when he comes home, he dreams of only one thing - to have a good meal with beer or vodka. But his wife, the beautiful Olya, either doesn’t want to cook or doesn’t know how. Or maybe she just doesn’t have time. All day long she wanders around the salons,
and recently I have been leaning on esoteric literature. Specifically, she was interested in extrasensory perception. And my husband’s last arrival home looked something like this.
- Olya, is dinner ready? - Lesha takes out a pair of “holsten” from her bag.
- Mmm... dinner... I'm trying to develop some kind of sixth sense here. After all, five is not enough for a person. Don't you want to develop your sixth sense?
- I already have it.
- And how long? - Olya blinks her perfectly formed eyelashes in amazement.
- Since I've been living with you.
- Yah! And what is this feeling? - she dilates her pupils.
- Hunger! Feeling hungry, damn!!!...
That's how I got confused!
The day after the holiday. A man is sitting on the steps at the entrance, his head on his knees.
The entrance door opens, a woman appears in a robe and shouts:
- Bastard, he got drunk again! Cattle!!! - begins to hit the man.
In response to the screams from the bench near the store (directly opposite the entrance), two very drunk friends rush in wide zigzags, shouting:
- Valentina! I'm completely crazy - IT'S NOT YOURS!!!
But the cleaning lady is right!
An office of a large company, all the deputies are standing nervously near the director’s office, waiting for the meeting to begin. A cleaning lady walks along the corridor and, sweeping the floor, mutters to herself, but quite loudly. . .
- Me too, they stood here in a crowd. . . Freaks. . . You're no use. . . One piece of trash. . . Clean up after you later. . .
Hearing this, the first deputy turned to her:
- Well, you are wrong, we will be heard now. . .
- I also found Eurovision. . . They will have you now. . .
Resume of an experienced lady
One day over tea, one of our employees talked about her daughter’s classmate:
- He lives in our building and often drops by to ask for lessons. My daughter used to be all “Ivanov” and “Ivanov”, but now it’s just Andrey...
- Look what's happening! - we were alarmed, - first - Andrey, then - Andryusha...
- Then - dear...
- Then - the cat...
- Bunny! – the team vying with each other.
“And then – a goat,” the experienced Lariska summed up gloomily.
Charter
Once we flew to Cyprus on vacation. Globus Airlines. Charter. Everything was basically fine: we took off without delays, 4 hours in flight. 20 minutes before landing, the phrase is heard from the speakers: “The commander and crew take their seats. In 20 minutes we will land at Larnaca airport.” From the front rows comes a reasonable question from one passenger:
- Where have the crew been hanging around for 4 hours?
The interior was lying around until landing.
Judging by the growing number of wives behind the kerm, the men will soon be standing on the road...
***
In a restaurant, a man approaches a table where a lonely woman is sitting:
- May I introduce myself to you?
- Well, I don’t really know. Are your intentions serious?
- It doesn’t get any more serious! I intend to pay for your dinner and give you money for a taxi in the morning.
***
I wonder why the author of the phrase “Kissing a smoking girl is like kissing an ashtray” kissed an ashtray?
***
Two lively housewives are standing in line at a store and chatting:
— My husband left the hospital. He had his appendix removed.
- And what is it?
“It’s such a small appendage in the lower abdomen, no one needs it, but things go better when it’s not there.”
“You need to tell your husband about this.”
***
— Do you think women experience pleasure from sex?
- Of course, this happens during foreplay and discussion of consequences.
***
- What tactlessness! I tell you that my wife is expecting a child, and you ask from whom?
- Well, excuse me, please, I thought you knew.
***
- Ooo! You smell so good! What kind of perfume?
— New Oriflame catalogue, page 45 is flavored.
***
Near the maternity hospital, every second dad is looking for a third.
***
- Now tell me why you were offended.
- You wanted to hit me.
- Yes, I have never raised my hand to a girl in my life! Where did you get the idea?!
- I would hit you if I were you.
***
- God, how times change! My mother still remembers the first time my father kissed her, and my sister has already forgotten the name of her first husband!
***
— What is your intelligence index?
“I don’t know the exact figure, but it’s enough for me to live on.”
***
Conversation between two Frenchmen:
— Good wife- the one who has a husband and lover.
- I thought it was bad.
- No, the bad one is the one who only has a lover.
“I thought it was a fallen one.”
- No, the fallen one is the one who has no one.
“I thought she was lonely.”
- No, the lonely one is the one with one husband.
***
- Syoma, am I fat?
- No.
- But it wouldn’t hurt to lose weight, right?
- I like you like this.
- But I don’t inspire delight, right?
- You call.
- But not mad, right?
Funny and funny jokes about men and women
What kind of men were there in Rus' before! He has a hooked nose, he... has the size of a club, he throws ten sticks and carries them in his arms! And now? His nose is like a potato, an accordion, he throws half a stick and asks for more on the road!
***
Real gentlemen, when breaking up with a girl, give her a carton of cigarettes, a coffee machine and a new plastic window with a wide window sill...
***
Two friends chatting over a cup of coffee.
“I adore nature,” says one.
Another looked carefully at her friend and sarcastically remarked:
“And this after what she did to you?”
***
— It was a great summer this year!!!
- Yeah, and the main thing is that it happened on the weekend!!!
***
Two friends were friends. Peter and Vasily. They had one friend, Nina. A year has passed. Peter runs and shouts:
- Vasya, Vasya!
- Well, what do you want?
— Nina gave birth to twins. - So what?
- Like what! I took mine. And take yours.
***
Two elderly Odessa residents on a bench: But I like women over 50. Well, Syoma, over 50 is still inexpensive...
***
All the troubles of men come from one thing:
Well, obviously she’s a fool, so why get to know her better?
***
An experienced woman can make 27 to 36 withdrawals per second.
***
One woman had 10 children, all of them boys. And everyone was called Volodya.
“Tell me,” they asked her, “how do you distinguish between them?”
“By patronymic,” the woman answered proudly.
***
— When does a woman lose 90% of her intelligence?
— When her husband dies.
- And when does she lose the remaining 10%?
— When her pet dies after her husband.
***
Two bachelors are talking:
— Washable wallpaper is definitely a great thing! But it’s so difficult to tear them off the wall and push them into washing machine!
***
- Zhora, but it happens female friendship...?
- No... This is nonsense...
– It doesn’t happen between a woman and a man...
- Here, Syoma...! What conclusion suggests itself...?
- Which...?
- Women are unfriendly people...!
***
All men know that if you pick up a fishing rod or just a stick near a pond, you immediately want to drink, and after drinking, women.
***
-Are you actually out of your mind?
- In your.
- Oh, who is it here?
