Be good parents is not an easy matter, which is why millions of married couples study various books and manuals on how to properly treat their child. By applying these 12 parenting tips, many moms and dads have already achieved success. So what is their secret? What rules do they follow to create harmonious relationships with your children?
1. It’s normal to have extreme patience.
As often happens, children do not pay attention to their parents’ comments, and sometimes even violently resist their instructions. When the critical moment comes, mothers and fathers give up and give in to the child. By doing this, they want to maintain peace, show patience, and want to be “good parents.” But thus parents lose their authority– if children push hard, they will get what they want under pressure.
It is important to remember that anyone can lose patience, we are all human and everyone can lose their temper, there is nothing wrong with that. Containing anger and irritation is actually difficult, especially if children do everything as if out of spite. The child must understand that you do not like this behavior; you cannot follow the lead of your son or daughter. Allow your emotions to manifest themselves, rather than hiding them inside yourself, let your child and yourself understand that you do not agree with the situation. The accumulated negativity will subsequently find a way out, only then can all family members suffer, and children most of all.
2. Teach your child to enjoy a toy, and not count its price.
When purchasing an expensive toy for a child, parents often ask them to treat it with special care, constantly reminding them of how much it costs. But for a child this does not matter, because he cannot yet evaluate things and objects based on their monetary costs.
Understanding the value of money will come to him later, and when children are small, they are equally interested in playing with both simple trinkets and expensive toys. Even playing with a simple piece of paper or a bag sometimes seems more exciting to them than with a radio-controlled helicopter.
3. Punishment is a manifestation of love
Do you consider yourself bad parents, if you have to punish children? When your son or daughter does stupid things, you have the right to be angry with them, and therefore to punish them. Reprimand is a loving measure; without it, a child will not learn to see the boundaries of what is permitted.
Thanks to timely punishment, children begin to understand that every action they take has consequences., they grow up to be people who know how to take responsibility for their actions. Remember that being good parents does not mean that you have to turn a blind eye to bad behavior your child and allow him everything.
4. Don't be afraid to refuse
How nice it is to answer affirmatively to all the children’s requests, because they are so sincerely happy! But saying "yes" all the time can lead to relationship problems years later. A child who is not accustomed to refusals will begin to demand more and more over time, what should parents do then?? Will they be able to fulfill all the whims and requests of a teenager?
Don’t be afraid to refuse children who are still young; show firmness when necessary, saying your firm “no.” When you refuse a child for the first time, you may encounter resistance in the form of tears, whims, hysterics, but do not give in, if the decision is made, stick to your word. Once you give in to your child’s whims, it will subsequently become even more difficult to refuse him something else.
5. Raise children to be independent
By not trusting your children to do small tasks around the house, by doing all the work for them, you will achieve only one thing - when they grow up, they will not be able to do basic things, such as warm up their own food or wash the dishes. It is necessary to teach a child to be independent from early childhood. Ask them to help collect toys and wipe off dust.
If your daughter wants to wash a plate, allow her, even if the result is not the best, still praise the girl for her initiative and effort. Never tell your child that he won’t succeed; don’t do the work for him. Such words will discourage you from taking on any business at all in the future. By doing this, parents do not give their children the opportunity to develop independence.
Note to moms!
Hello girls! Today I will tell you how I managed to get in shape, lose 20 kilograms, and finally get rid of the terrible complexes of fat people. I hope you find the information useful!
6. Don’t deprive yourself of the right to rest
The responsibility of raising children is a job that requires constant effort and attention, and it is also a 24/7 job. You can’t quit her job, and you can’t get a vacation either. But moms and dads still need to rest to regain their strength. Sometimes it’s worth taking a so-called day off.
Teach your child to understand your needs for sleep and rest.. Explain that while mom is lying down, the children can do something interesting - draw, make a figure from plasticine, or just watch cartoons. Teach them to play quietly and not make numerous requests to their mother when she is resting. However, observe moderation - children should not be left for long without adult supervision, you will be rested, but the child will be left to his own devices.
7. Form the habit of eating right from an early age
Full and proper nutrition V early age– what you need to teach your children, because human health depends on it. If you choose healthy foods, let your child adopt this habit from you. It is a mistake to believe that while children are small, they can eat everything - sweets and chips. This does not mean that kids should eat only cereals and vegetables, but you should not include fast food or other unhealthy foods in their daily diet.
Grandmothers pose the greatest danger here - they constantly think that their grandchildren are hungry, offering them either pies or pancakes. Tactfully but strictly explain to elderly relatives that by showing excessive care and love for children, they harm their health.
8. Having children is not the end of life.
Being parents does not mean giving up your own interests and entertainment. Of course, moms and dads don’t have as much time to meet friends and go to the movies as they used to before children were born. But you cannot completely deprive yourself of some kind of emotional relief. It is important to learn to combine parental responsibilities with your interests, to find a middle ground.
9. Take an interest in your child’s life
By showing interest in what your baby is doing and hobbies, you are building a solid foundation for good relations in future. In early childhood, a child can enthusiastically tell you about Pokemon, Peppa Pig and other favorite characters, new toys and cartoons.
Delving into the words of children, getting to know their world, you become close friends. When the baby grows up, he will begin to share with you more adult problems and hobbies, knowing that you will not brush him off, but will support and listen.
10. Parents need to be able to ask for forgiveness.
Basing your upbringing on the principle “mom is always right” and stubbornly not admitting your mistakes is fundamentally wrong. Everyone makes mistakes - both children and adults. And since you teach your child to ask for forgiveness for his misdeeds, be so kind as to follow your own rules and also admit your guilt.
Yes, it can be difficult, but there is no shame in it. Such objective observance of the rules in your family will allow you to build harmonious and warm relations with your child on an equal footing.
11. The limit has come - take a time out
There are situations when the atmosphere heats up almost to the limit, when emotions, replacing each other, overwhelm and are ready to spill out. In this case, it’s worth taking a time out - ask your grandmother or friend to take the children for at least an hour or two to give yourself the opportunity to restore calm.
If you feel that the peak of emotional overexcitation is coming, stop, go to another room at least for 20 minutes, take a shower, think about the upcoming trip to the sea. This way you will avoid a lot conflict situations and learn to remain calm.
12. Your children are the best in the world.
For parents, their child, even an adult (namely, he will be a child for you both at 5 and at 45) will always be the best, most beautiful, smart, sweet and kind. Don't be afraid of your feelings, but show them as often as possible. Some mothers and fathers believe that excessive love and care will only spoil their children, so they begin to criticize them. Do not deprive your child of support and tenderness, because they are more effective than any educational measures.
Moms and dads with experience will not give bad advice! Journalist Joanna Goddard published tips on her blog that will help in almost any situation with children. Remember!
- If your baby stumbles, ask immediately if he is in pain or if he is just scared. Often the reaction is one of fear, not pain. Share with him a similar story that happened to you or someone close to you in childhood. Kids love stories like this: they are very encouraging in this situation.
- , do not book all tickets in one row. Let one of the parents be with the children, and the other at a distance. Change each other every few hours. A calm flight is guaranteed not only to the family, but also to those around you.
- Need to redirect your child's attention? Start your sentence like this: “Didn’t I tell you...?”
- A stopwatch is a great help in speed tasks. With its help, jackets, hats and boots will be put on in an instant, and cleaning will turn into an exciting quest.
- Do you want to avoid predictable whims in response to a request to dress warmer? Say: “Stretch out your hands to me!” What happens next depends on your dexterity: that’s it, the capricious one is dressed.
- Designate one day a week as “cake day” or “bakery Saturday.” Remind: “We enjoy candy on Tuesdays.” And there is no need to repeat “no” every time, and in pleasant anticipation, such a necessary ability as patience develops.
- If you and your child have to travel on a bus or subway, let him put entertainment for himself in his backpack. This could be, for example, a picture book.
- Young children most often do not refuse to drink or go to the toilet. The experience of many parents shows: if you put a glass of water or a pot in front of the baby, the first will be empty and the second will be full.
- Children want to feel not only your physical presence, but also your willingness to focus on them. Try after work, no matter how tired you are, to devote at least 10 minutes (and possibly more) to your child and his news. Don’t rush to do dinner right away, talk to your baby. He should feel that you are always ready to communicate.
- Every weekend, take your kids to the market where they can choose two different vegetables. Find recipes with them and cook them. As a rule, this is a very entertaining game, and not without its benefits: this way you can try a lot of healthy dishes (salads, smoothies). A great way to get acquainted with new products.
- For those who don’t like brushing their teeth, suggest singing your favorite song during this procedure. He won’t get bored, and, knowing the words by heart, he will know how much time remains before the end of the cleaning.
- Is your boy or girl prone to anxiety and worry? Dedicate them every morning to your plans: where you will go, what you will do. If you are taking your son or daughter to a place where there are a lot of people, outline the situation in advance so that the children have the opportunity to prepare psychologically.
- Rarely do children love to put things in order in their room, but show interest in arranging plates, forks, spoons, and unloading the washing machine and dishwasher. Observe your baby, what does he like to do? Let's do simple tasks (for example, remove clothes from the dryer). And if you urgently need a few free minutes, ask (say this with the utmost seriousness): “I really need to pour the candied fruits from the package into a bowl.”
- When your baby is naughty while walking, give him the idea of walking differently: jumping, waddling like a bear, jumping on his right or left leg.
- During your lunch break, surprise your children by stopping by the school without telling them and having a snack somewhere together.
As you know, summer is a time when you only come home to eat and sleep. Therefore, communication and interaction with others, just like you, almost homeless and sometimes hungry, is a large part of this summer life.
This year, Vova and his peers clearly wanted to be friends with each other; they were no longer satisfied with the usual fussing in the sandbox or walking around their mothers with dummies. There were also disputes over a scoop or a stick, and they still happen. Therefore, for a month now we have been analyzing life and book situations into “what is good” and “what is bad.”
And then we came across a book...
about good manners, which in a humorous form gives basic advice on the rules of behavior. Vova accepted the book easily. The text in it is short and everything is strictly to the point. The illustrations are not a masterpiece of animation, of course, but very pleasant. The characters are so mi-mi-cute with wonderfully conveyed mi-mi-facial expressions! I looked at the pictures and laughed. And then I showed the book to my son. He laughed, but not at everything (his son 2.10). From the pictures below I didn’t understand about “Hello” and “Bye”. So I had to explain the humor in places. But the sketches from the life of a hare and a tortoise just went with a bang. I especially liked “return what you are lent” and “knock on the door before you enter.” Either he remembered something from life, or the pictures were funny, or both.
Wonderful presentation of material! If only exact sciences were taught in schools this way, with humor, so that children would go to school as if it were a holiday. :) And Vova looks at the book like a comic book, and at the same time, she embeds good manners deeper and deeper into her memory.
We also use it for independent reading. The font and number of words on the page are just right for us. Overall, a very enjoyable book!
And it will be useful not only for kids, but also for many adults!
This can confuse someone who wants to eat you.
Otherwise, your knees will be the proud owners of a thick blue hippopotamus butt.
Otherwise you'll break your leg.
Otherwise, no one will want to shake your hand. The spread is very significant for boys :)
Well, isn’t it a deer to tolerate such behavior from some pink hare?
Otherwise, you risk becoming a rabbit.
I think there's a turtle screaming at the top of his lungs, "No! Just don't touch anything! Go already!" :)
Otherwise, you risk becoming a rabbit again.
No comments here :)))
Oh, by the way, in the book, hares are often presented in the form of food. Personally, I take this calmly.
Very life advice. Sometimes I neglect it, but in vain.
We are all sometimes not who we think we are. And avid predators sometimes sneak a carrot.
Especially if you are generally contraindicated to eat.
This happened to me a couple of times too. Apparently, the boys from 9-B did not read this book then.
Philippe Jalbert, the wonderful illustrator of this book, is French. And the book is also originally French, just translated into Russian. So we are dealing with French humor. We have heard a lot about English, now we have an idea about French, which is quite deep and extraordinary. By the way, the book was a success in its homeland.
A little about printing. In a word - excellent!
Number of tips - I counted 43.
Young children have an amazing ability to shatter our illusions about motherhood and parenting. When we look at photographs of our babies, we see their happy faces and remember funny moments from their lives. But behind this there is still a lot of physical and emotional work that we do as parents. Hysterics, whims, sleepless nights, quarrels - you must try to react to all this correctly in order to remain a good mother. Or at least try.
Psychotherapist and mother of two children Andrea Loen Neyer went through a difficult journey of raising her age. For herself, she came up with ten phrases that helped her control herself in difficult period motherhood.
10 phrases that help me be a good mom
Recently I was walking up the stairs, passing photographs of my children when they were 1 and 3 years old, when I suddenly stopped. I pass by these photos many times a day, but for some reason at that moment I stopped and stared at their young faces.
I started crying as my heart filled with regret. In fact, I don't remember many details of that year - it was one of the most difficult of my life. I slept no more than two hours straight every night. My youngest kept waking up every two hours or so and my oldest was up at 5am. Most of my days ended in tears.
Looking at these photos makes me want to go back in time and be better. I would like to lead myself through the hardest moments of life, making me the mother I would like to be.
In fact, this was one of the main reasons I left my psychotherapy practice and went into parenting education: I needed to know how to become a better person.
I won't let it get to me
This phrase really saved me. When milk spills, toys take over the house, or the bathtub overflows and ends up on the floor, I take a really long, deep breath and tell myself, I'm not going to let this get to me.
Because this happens almost every day.
He's not trying to make me angry, he's trying to deal with his frustration.
One of my kids is what they call an “energetic” kid. My days as a mother of preschoolers were filled with tantrums. I became an expert at preventing, de-escalating and managing tantrums because I had to! I needed to find a way to throw myself a lifeline.
One of the things I did to avoid my fight-or-flight response when one (or both) of my children experienced aggressive outbursts was to remind myself that my child did not want to make me angry: he was upset and lacked tools, communication skills and skills needed to deal with this situation. Undoubtedly, it is easier to react to aggressive attacks when you yourself are not aggressive.
I wonder why my child is desperate?
Some of the reasons why my boys threw hour-long tantrums seemed completely ridiculous to me. I soon realized that no matter how stupid they seemed to me (the banana was broken, the yogurt was stirred, the yellow plate was occupied) for my child they were a significant reason for outbursts of rage.
I overcame the absurdity of these reasons and searched for meaning. In most cases, the answer to the question “Why?” lay deeper than visible: he was fed up with me not paying close attention to him, I offered him a snack much later than I should have, and by this point he was “ready.” And some days kids get angry over a broken banana just because they have very little experience - they don't know that bananas taste the same when broken, or that a banana can't be glued back together. In their world, the banana went from being delicious to being trash.
Knowing the answer to the question “Why?” makes it easier for me to see things in perspective and focus on supporting my child rather than blaming them.
How can I react without being intimidating?
I constantly ask myself: what should my reaction be to my child's actions so that he still feels respected and loved. I wrote the following phrase on the board next to the sink: “What is the most emotionally safe way to respond so that my child knows he is loved?” From "A Safe Home: Why Emotional Safety Is the Key to Raising Children Who Live, Love, and Behave Well" by Joshua Straub.
What my children think of me more important than that what strangers think
I calmly endured children's tantrums, trying to get them out of public places, without worrying about the judgmental looks of random viewers. It became more important for me to be on the child’s side than to face the disapproval of strangers.
It's okay to cry
I mean myself, not my children. On several occasions, my children witnessed me unable to hold back my sobs. It doesn't happen often, but when I throw my hands up in surrender and don't know what to do, I just allow myself to feel helpless and sad. Interestingly, every time this happened, my children stopped their noisy games to be with me. I allowed myself to cry until I felt empty.
I taught my children to do the same thing - cry until the tears stop. Clarity often comes after tears.
I need myself
I made the mistake of trying to do everything while raising small children. I realized that in order to keep my self intact, I needed to pay more attention to my needs. Knowing what I was missing and taking steps to make up for it helped me become more fulfilled. And then I was able to share myself with my children.
Give a place to rest
It takes effort. Isn't it stupid that we should make an effort to rest? But it is so. I needed to make time to rest because, imagine, small children take up so much of our energy!
Calm down first. Then speak
When my children are upset, I don't talk to them until I calm down myself (if I feel the need to).
Stop. Think about it
When chaos is happening around me and I start to get irritated, I remind myself: sit down, breathe and think about accessible ways solving the problem. Reminding me of this step helps me avoid getting involved in dramatic twists and turns and find a way out of the situation.
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If you want to make your child happy, but at the same time educated and well-mannered, then check out the following useful tips and tricks.
♦ Love your child for who he is!
♦ Don't punish your child! When we feel bad, we don't start behaving better, but we start lying to hide our own failure.
♦ Trust your child! We don’t want to deceive someone who trusts us, and we strive to be even better, to do good deeds, to do good deeds.
♦ Respect your child. Remember that we respect those who show us respect.
♦ Do not look down at the baby, squat down when talking to him - this will make it easier for you to understand each other.
♦ Hug your child as often as possible (at least ten times a day), caress him, stroke his head. But do this when he is ready to accept your affection.
♦ When your Small child offers you help, or wants to do something himself, give him this opportunity, even if you are sure that he cannot yet cope with such a difficult task, praise him for every little thing that he was able to do.
♦ Praise your child when he does something well, notice even the little things in which he is successful, because “ kind word and the cat is pleased,” and for the sake of praise, the child will be ready to try to do even more, even better.
♦ Praise your child more often for every little thing, explaining why you are praising him. Give him pleasant definitions that reinforce good behavior: “diligent student”, “creative boy”, “neat girl”, “persistent person”, etc.
♦ Don't scold your child for doing something wrong. Find positive intent in his actions, praise him for what he did well, and then tell him what could be improved - and show him exactly how (OSVK).
♦ Divide for yourself, first of all, your attitude towards your child and his actions.
♦ If you teach a child to tell his parents about what is tormenting him and tell him that you experienced something similar at his age (and this usually happens), then some of the children’s fears will disappear by themselves.
♦ Teach your child order from one and a half to six years. Then it is much more difficult to do.
♦ If a child asks you for help, support him, help him see what he can do on his own, and what he really needs your help with, and help him with this.
♦ Tell your child about your successes and failures and how you feel about them. Let him know that parents can also make mistakes and be upset by this. Ask what is going on with your child and how he feels.
♦ Always be on your child’s side if a conflict arises with strangers and you had to intervene. If you think he is wrong, tell him about it later, in private, using OSVK.
♦ If you disagree with your child about something, or if he has upset you in some way, tell him about it in private, using the principles of OSVK.
♦ Teach your child to pay attention to the process. It is important to know how the drawing process leads to beautiful drawing, and the process of solving a problem in mathematics leads to knowledge and straight A’s in this subject. Let him note what he likes to do and what he doesn’t like, then he will feel the connection between the process and the result.
♦ Believe in your child. Know that your faith in his strength helps him to be successful.
♦ Don't compare your children. Let them be different. If they don't have to share you between themselves, they will always love and support each other.
♦ Remember when you have youngest child, the eldest is still a child who needs affection, care, attention, and the opportunity to feel small.
♦ Ask the younger child what he can do to independently resolve the conflict with the older one, what he can do to make it pleasant and interesting for the older one to communicate with him.
♦ Create conditions so that the younger child can make a real difference and can choose the area in which he can be useful, starting from early childhood.
♦ Respect each of your children's territory. They equally have the right to privacy of their belongings, regardless of age.
♦ When you ask your child to stop doing something, tell him what you want him to do instead. You will be surprised at how understanding and obedient your child is.
♦ If you cannot prohibit something, legalize it, but within certain limits. You can draw on a wall, but only on one.
♦ When we punish children by prohibiting them from playing a computer game and forcing them to read instead, then reading becomes a punishment, and the computer becomes a sweet forbidden fruit.
♦ Teach your children to accept independent decisions, make choices, take responsibility.
♦ Consult with your child on issues related to your family: what to cook for dinner, how best to spend the weekend, what furniture to buy for the room, etc.
♦ Help your child learn that he can influence his life. If something doesn't suit him, he can change it.
♦ Give your children the opportunity to make their own decisions, trust them and support them in their choice.
♦ If your child is offended by you, ask him for forgiveness and tell him how much you love him. A parent who is able to apologize to a child gains respect from the child, and the relationship becomes closer and more sincere.
♦ If your child begins to be rude to you, encourage him to have a polite conversation with you every time, discuss with him what he likes and what he doesn’t like in your communication with him.
♦ Be gentle and careful with your children. Remember that parental instructions are the most powerful instructions that a person receives and which can help him in life or, conversely, hinder his success and create serious problems.
♦ Tell your child that you love him!
Inna Silenok, psychologist
