As a rule, before marriage, all men are active. But after marriage, many turn into lazy people. The hunter's instinct is satisfied, the prey is caught, and you can relax. Some even consider washing a plate an unbearable burden. And at this time the wife is spinning like a squirrel in a wheel. It's a shame? And how!
Sofa attachment
Let’s make a reservation right away: we are not talking about pathological sloths. You definitely can’t cook porridge with this kind of food. It will not be possible to stir them up for a long time. However, for every product there is a merchant. After all, there are a lot of families where it would never even occur to the wife to expect her husband to participate in household chores. Often, if a spouse is successful at work, this is already enough for the wives. Spouses of creative men (writers, poets, film directors) also usually protect their geniuses from everyday life. And they happily take on household responsibilities or delegate them to specially trained people.
Our conversation is about ordinary husbands who, as grooms, blew away specks of dust from their brides. And after the wedding, they were replaced - they lay down with their gadgets and lie there without getting up while the wife, after work, works hard for both of them. And if they do anything, it is only under pressure, after numerous requests, persuasion, promises, sometimes turning into ultimatums and threats. Is it really possible to deal with them only in a bad way, but not in a good way? Psychologists say that everything is possible. And generally speaking feminine power not in aggression, but in cunning.
Instead of a kick
Family life is, of course, not a set of rules. But still, it is not a sin to adhere to some of them.
An affectionate calf sucks two queens. In other words, if you need help from your spouse, do not command, do not demand, but ask. Affectionately. It's more reliable that way. Some women (some call them cunning, others - wise, and still others - just bitches) successfully use the carrot and stick method. With such yesterday's lazy people often make a dizzying career. Learn from them!
Don't pull the blanket over yourself. Don't take on everything yourself, even if you know you can handle it better than my husband. Give the initiative to the head of the family. According to psychologists, a man can become uninitiative only because his wife is too enterprising and domineering next to him.
Don't forget about magic words and praise. If your husband did something good, thank him and praise him. Even if you didn’t do it that well, praise them for their efforts.
Be direct about what is required. Most of all, men don’t like it when women appeal to conscience, reproach, accuse, instead of saying what is needed without equivocation.
Act not with emotions, but with logic. If your husband didn’t do something, don’t blame him, but give irrefutable arguments that he’s wrong. For example, you can write a list of household chores (yours and his) and see whose has more. But, as they say, you can’t argue against the facts.
Muse for my husband
But the most main question, to which you need to find an answer: where do the roots of male laziness sprout? It doesn’t just happen like that. After all, your beloved was once ready to wait for hours on end for you at the entrance, go to the other end of the city for medicine and perform a bunch of other feats just to earn your favor. This means that he is, in principle, not the lazy breed. And he is in good standing at work. In addition, psychologists say that laziness is just a lack of motivation. Hence the main rule: motivate your man. How you reward him for performing household duties (in word or deed) is up to you to decide - you know your own spouse better. But the encouragement must be meaningful to him.
Nag your husband - don't The best way make him change. But a smart wife is obliged to inspire him and instill confidence in herself. What to do specifically? Admire, praise, but subtly, skillfully, without going overboard. Instill that no one can handle this task better than him. Support, of course. Calm down in case of failures. And praise again. And you will be happy.
Alla Reed:
Should I live with a lazy husband? It’s difficult for me to judge, given that there are not many men in our country, and even fewer normal ones. I understand women who turn a blind eye to such things. In general, this is a very personal question.
In China, it is believed that a person's fate is determined by the year of his birth and the animal that owns this year. And no matter how much the various qualities of people born under the auspices of various signs are praised, there are still a huge number of lazy people who do nothing and just lie around at home. And no matter how they say that their purpose is creativity and culture, lying on the couch, they do nothing worthwhile.
And everything would be fine if such people did not become the head of the family and were responsible for their wives, children and further well-being. And in this material I will show you why girls should run away from such men, and what can await them if they stay close to a quitter.
Quite often we see two categories of people. Some people always need to do something. They can't sit still. They'll twist here, they'll spin here. They have everything captured. They know a lot of people. They are friends with everyone. Most often, these are, at least, not poor people. And the second category is lazy people. They don't want to do anything. Home, sofa, beer, TV. This is happiness. Their wives are always bad. It's always the wives' fault. As a rule, in such families, husband and wife change roles. The wife is the breadwinner. The husband stays at home. Or works in a low-paying job. At the same time, the woman is yelled at, blackmailed, beaten, and extorted for money. Gigolo! This highest degree laziness.
Let's consider a less neglected option. An ordinary family- husband, wife, children. The man works in some mid-level position. Low salary. In response to his wife’s cries that there is not enough money for anything, the man replies that she herself needs to find a better-paying job or get a second job, then she will have enough money. Once I even heard this: “I have a place to live, a place to sleep, some food on the table, some clothes on my body, some kind of car. I am happy with everything. I'm fine". That is, needs at the level of survival. Anything more meaningful requires effort. And this is no longer necessary. Children in such a family have to rely only on themselves. Their father will not be able to help them in any way. The main thing is that children do not set a bad example for themselves. Then everything will be very bad. Especially if they are sons.
Gigolo. This is a man who exists entirely at the expense of a woman. No need to work. You must be able to deceive and blackmail your woman. Very often they raise their hand to their “ladies.” Why women tolerate this is unclear. Perhaps they are afraid to be alone. On the other hand, there will be no beatings, all the income will be theirs. There will be no male hysterics at home. Live, as they say, for your own pleasure. As a rule, if a woman decides to leave such a man, she will never allow such an individual into her life.
In any case, a lazy husband forces his wife to fuss. Therefore, a lazy husband is a grief in the family. The only exception can be a situation when both a man and a woman are lazy, but both work in some kind of work. They have a minimum level of income to survive, but they don’t need more. But such a family is rare. And, in any case, children from such a family will have a hard time in life. So there is also grief.
And, unfortunately, we can say that people get married in at a young age, when everyone’s eyes are burning, everyone has a lot of “important things to do”, and in reality it is impossible to check this. Here women begin to play the lottery, when an outwardly respectable and presentable man later turns into a lazy man who only spends all his money, and a modest boy does business and becomes a loving and generous man.
Therefore, if a girl notices that her man does not know how to do anything, then she should pack her bags and run away from him as quickly as common sense allows her. Of course, such men sometimes become good family men and loving fathers, but there is no income from them.
All novels begin almost the same. These are daily dates, endless telephone conversations, joint walks, trips, plans for the future. At these moments, all men try to prove themselves exemplary and exemplary: they arrange romantic dates, they always have something to tell, and the woman, of course, wants to believe that it will always be this way. But after some time, especially if the wedding has long been left behind, the newly-made wife suddenly discovers that her beloved husband has changed a lot... Fervor and excitement have sunk into oblivion, the cultural program with theater and cinema has disappeared, and all free time the chosen one spends either on the couch or at the computer. For a wife, all of the above is a manifestation of laziness. When faced with the problem of a lazy husband, it is necessary first of all to understand the reasons for the emergence of this quality. Only after this will it be possible to try to either eliminate this trait or come to terms with it.
One type of lazy husband is a lazy genius. He talks daily about how he will one day fulfill his true purpose. He even started developing detailed plan achieving this great goal. But things didn't go any further. And how can you create if circumstances constantly interfere - work, bad weather, spouse, etc. Often, such types sincerely believe that circumstances interfere with them. Therefore, the main thing to do is to try to show the person that the only thing that is stopping him is laziness. If you are lucky and your husband suddenly “sees the light,” then it is likely that he himself will ask to re-educate him. But when laziness is conscious and a person is proud of it, then it’s probably not worth wasting your time on it. It is not possible to eliminate such a deficiency.
Often, a spouse’s laziness manifests itself mainly in his lack of initiative. He just goes with the flow. If you ask him to do something, he does it, if you don’t ask him, he won’t do it. It’s the same story with work: they promoted him - good, he didn’t promote him - he won’t even make an effort to change anything. You may get the impression that he is simply too lazy to think. For married life and women in general, of course, there is nothing dangerous in this: after all, he does what he is asked, albeit reluctantly. But such a husband will never earn his wife's respect. According to psychologists, a man can become lacking in initiative if next to him is an overly enterprising and domineering wife who, without noticing it, tries to command him. As a result, over time, he ceases to feel like the head of the family, because his wife runs everything. But if laziness and lack of initiative concerns not only everyday life and spending time together, then this is a reason to ask the question about what does not suit him in marriage.
A special type of manifestation of male laziness is when the husband appears to be a complete conservative, prone to oriental motives. In other words, he is sure that there are women’s responsibilities and there are men’s, and it is impossible to violate the order established hundreds of years ago. That's why he only washes dishes for International Women's Day. And if, due to circumstances, he has to cook dinner himself, then this is an extraordinary event for him. He will remember this for the rest of his life. The woman’s arguments that it’s a different century now and that she also earns money for her family, often more, falls on deaf ears. None of this matters. He is a man (king and god), and his wife is a woman (mortal). It is almost impossible to eradicate such a trait. You can, of course, try to clearly show the lazy person that a wife also has certain rights, and not just responsibilities. This can be easily done by writing full list what the spouse does and what he does and let them compare.
Sometimes with the beginning family life the woman discovers that she has married Oblomov. His behavior exactly matches the description of the hero of Goncharov’s novel of the same name. Unfortunately, similar type personality is pathologically lazy, so it is useless to eradicate the deficiency. But if a woman is morally ready to devote her life to her only occupation - pulling her husband out of the swamp, then one can only feel sorry for her. In fact, you can fight your husband’s pathological laziness with more radical methods, for example, quitting. After all, if the problem cannot be solved, it must be eradicated. Do not forget that a lazy husband who does not show any initiative in family life is a dead husband. Therefore, you should not hold on to it.
Basic rules on how to deal with your husband’s laziness:
No. 1 You can’t tell a man - you must!
Men are afraid of what comes after the word “should.” They already have difficult tasks on their shoulders. For example, they must be strong, take care of their offspring, and earn a living for their family. They perceive these words as an order or attack. Therefore, it is better to ask more affectionately and softly, for example, “Could you...”, “Wouldn’t it be difficult for you to help me with...”, “You’re not too busy to...”, etc. If he doesn’t agree or keep being lazy, be smarter, remember one rule - not only girls love compliments, but men too. Praise him, tell him that no one can cope with this task better than him and, most likely, he will help you, no matter what you ask.
#2: Don't make a man guess your thoughts.
As a rule, girls want the opposite sex to guess what they want. But this is the first mistake, men are not psychics, and even more so they don’t know how to read minds, and if he tries to understand why you are offended by him or what the hints mean, they will still do it wrong, they will understand differently . Women often confuse a man's laziness with the fact that he simply cannot understand what his missus wants. Most best option In this matter, just say directly what you want and what is required of him. But do not forget about point No. 1 - this should not sound from your lips like an order, remember about politeness.
#3: Don't forget that you are a woman.
Men love to be played with. If you want him to help you, even take watering flowers as an example, lure him with a little flirting, you don’t have to wear revealing clothes for this, just make eyes, especially since you are his wife, you should know his weak points.
#4: Go somewhere for a while.
If you have children, animals, or someone is coming to visit you (for example, on Sunday), tell your husband that you have a meeting planned with a friend on Saturday and you cannot postpone it, and clean the apartment, sit with You won’t be able to have children or walk the dog. Your husband, of course, will tell you to stay home or take the children with you. But tell him that this is impossible and you cannot refuse the meeting. When you return, do not run into him because the dog or any other animal has dirty paws, because the children are grimy, or because the dishes have not been put away. Praise him, say, for example, I know how hard it was for you, next time you will do even better. He will understand that you value him and he himself will want to please you.
#5: Don't hold grudges.
There are no families without quarrels. You don’t need to keep all the negativity inside yourself; sooner or later you will lose your temper over some nonsense. It’s better to let all the anger out of you, but this doesn’t mean you need to attack him, and certainly don’t create a conflict. Sit at the table, talk, express your point of view, let him express his. The fact that you are constantly silent will not turn your lazy husband into a hard-working man, and even more so the marriage will not be happy.
#6: Be lazy for one day.
When you wake up in the morning, tell your husband that you don't want to feed your cat or any other animal, and go back to sleep. Your pet will ask for food, or for a walk. But don’t show it and continue to lie on your half. After some time, your husband will get tired of all this, and he will most likely take a walk or feed your animal.
#7: You don't have a problem.
Don't get it into your head different problems. Remember - there are no problems that cannot be solved. If you are sitting at home, devote all of yourself to your husband and children, if you are at work, devote yourself completely to work. If you find it difficult to cope with your emotions, come up with an activity for yourself or simply drink tea with honey to calm down. Tell yourself “Everything is fine, everything will pass.”
#8: Make a to-do list.
The male sex is confident that girls have their own worries, and men have theirs. My advice to you is to write a list of what you do in a day and what your spouse does, then compare the lists, of course, your list will be longer, your man won’t like it, he will be ashamed and he definitely won’t like it. He will try to help you to the best of his ability.
“I’ll start on Monday, after my birthday, on the first day of the next month” - how many times have we heard these statements from our friends, or perhaps said it ourselves. But it is not difficulties at all, but laziness that moves us when we pronounce them. Meanwhile, in the Russian language there is a wonderful saying: “Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today.”
Energetic people who grab luck by the tail are precisely those people who do not wait for “tomorrow” to start a new business. And if next to such a woman there suddenly turns out to be a lazy man who does not want to make an effort on himself “today”, what should she do? After all, so much could be achieved together, but as a result of postponing things until “after the rain on Thursday,” many opportunities turn out to be missed.
Neutralizing male laziness
Of course, you can break up with him, but where is the guarantee that the next man will not turn out to be lazy? It’s better to try to correct someone who is next to you than to regret that you didn’t make such an attempt. Patience and cunning techniques will help us to neutralize male laziness.
Firstly, it’s worth remembering firmly: shouting and reproaches are not our help. Lack of vitality and physical exhaustion - these are common reasons male laziness. Therefore, task number one is to raise both. We “prescribe” an effective “treatment” to a lazy man. A warm bath, a contrast shower, a walk before bed, a visit to the bowling alley or billiards, communication with friends - all means are good in the fight to increase vitality. Let the sloth think that he is resting and having fun, but we know that we are solving the problem of raising vitality.
Secondly, all men are predators by nature. They are driven to activity by the desire to do something either in spite of or to achieve something that is not expected of them. Creative anger is the engine of many discoveries and achievements. We arm ourselves with this knowledge and use the tactics of “encouragement”: we ask for help and actively prevent him from successfully fulfilling the request. We advise, point out - in general, we do everything so that our predator goes into a rage. However, if a man fails at something, it is better to leave him to think. And the absence of spectators does not contribute to the playing out of a scene of failure. Let's step back and give him the opportunity to handle it himself.
Third, have you ever told your man that he is like big child? Indeed, men remain children until old age. They love toys and games very much. And they simply love gambling competitions. Take advantage of this. But just remember: men don’t like to lose, especially lazy ones. We offer a game - a competition: doing homework for the race. You will not believe with what zeal many duties will be performed!
Fourthly, men simply love to talk about their army service, they enthusiastically remember both funny cases and situations when they received an outfit out of turn. Right? If so, then we adopt this technique. If you do something, you get a leave of absence, if you do something wrong (read: being lazy), you get your outfits out of turn. Everything is extremely simple and clear: order - execution - encouragement!
Fifth strategy consists in making requests from afar, so to speak. Men simply love it when they are praised or told how wonderful and loved they are. This is why it is useful to ask to do something important after words of praise. We write a note with words of recognition of all the merits, and at the end, as if by chance, we ask you to fulfill one of your requests. Let's melt the ice of laziness with “flattering” words and arm ourselves with the desire to receive another portion of praise.
At sixth, a person is designed in such a way that he mobilizes in a shock situation. Let’s create it artificially: let’s leave all household chores to our sloth, and simply leave for “important and urgent” matters. Let him feel the need to leave his favorite sofa and get down to business. We’re not going away for a day or two, we’re going away for a week. And at the same time, we won’t prepare anything: we won’t fill the refrigerator with breakfasts/lunches, the closet with ironed or clean shirts, etc. wants to eat, look good - let him work hard!
A woman who dreams of seeing her man as an energetic, successful partner has many techniques in her arsenal. Just don’t focus on one of them. Alternation is the key to success. Even if it seems to you that some technique is more effective, you should not use only it so as not to be found out.
Help turn on the perpetual motion machine inside your sloth and enjoy life next to a successful partner.
Other articles on this topic:
If a girl doesn't want a relationship How to find out what kind of man is in bed What should it be a real man Men's fears Wife and mistress: difficult choice How to understand a woman? What do men like in sex? How to start a relationship with a man How to cope with the death of a loved one
