If a guy disappeared and then showed up. What to do if a man disappears somewhere

My greetings to you, dear ones!

Why do men disappear from relationships without explanation? This most often happens at the very beginning of a relationship, but sometimes those who are especially “responsible” manage to evaporate even from the family. A special case is when a man disappears on the eve of the holidays, or after you ask him for a gift or help with something.
Who is to blame and what to do?

The man took the phone number and disappeared immediately after meeting

Variant of the story.
He saw you on a bus passing by, ran after you for a whole block, got on the bus at a stop and, very embarrassed, asked for your phone number, because he really liked you and was generally the girl of his dreams. At the same time, he was sober and adequate.

You agreed that he would call in the evening, and... 2 weeks have passed since then, and not a call from him, not a tiny text message.
Why the hell did you get the number, you ask? It's annoying!

Why couldn't he call:

he just didn't feel like it anymore. It happens that the romantic mood passes, a man switches to his life and forgets about this little adventure. Perhaps he was just bored, waiting for something, while away free evening and had a little fun getting to know you, not initially planning to call. Or he may even be too lazy to get involved in a new relationship, especially if there is at least some alternative;

he made a mistake in writing the phone number, or the number was not saved. Or maybe the phone committed suicide right after we met, or it was stolen. Oops, bad luck this time. Quite an unlikely situation. And if he really liked you a lot, most likely he will find a way to meet you;

he is married or in a committed relationship. He couldn’t contain his impulse and met you, but then he thought it over and decided not to get involved in a relationship on the side. Or I hid your number away so that I can call you when the opportunity arises and my wife goes somewhere. While I was waiting, I forgot what you looked like and called the one I could remember (and this is for the better);

he met you on a bet, as proof he had to show your phone number, or your number is a trophy in itself that you can show off to your friends;

he is learning to achieve goals, or he has set himself a task - to meet ten women he likes, without being embarrassed or screwing up. Well, or he was simply interested in the process itself and flirting, he was checking his “maleness” and whether he had lost his fighting acumen, but it would have been strange not to take the number, and so he took it. Or maybe he’s a pick-up artist with his usual quirks;

after meeting you, I met another “girl of my dreams”, but forgot to think about you, because fresh emotions overwhelmed the slightly forgotten ones;

During the conversation, he realized that he had made a mistake with his conclusions about the “dream,” but it was simply inconvenient not to ask for the phone number, or he took it just in case. Such an understanding may come to him some time after the conversation;

he needed urgent sex, and you refused to go with him where he invited him (at least to a cafe to begin with), or even during communication he realized that it wouldn’t work out so easily with you. He took your number for the sake of decency, maybe even walked you home, and then ran off to look for more affordable option, and completely forgot about you;

he was disappointed that you so easily gave him the phone number without forcing him to go through some kind of quest like “on Saturday at 6 pm I will come to dance at the fitness club on Sovetskaya 64, if you want, you can see me there.” Some men are not looking for easy ways, they want to overcome obstacles and they are only interested in difficult-to-reach and even unavailable girls, others immediately lose interest. They have a peculiar understanding of ease of accessibility: if she gave the number right away, it means she’s a so-so girl, probably no one needs her;

he died or force majeure happened to him (this sometimes happens, although rarely).

In general, the cause could be anything from a simple change in mood to personal Armageddon. Anyway, if he doesn’t call, it means he just doesn’t want to do it. Unless he died, of course.

What to do?

Nothing. Leave him the right to be what he wants and do with his life as he sees fit. Very often a man gets acquainted, knowing full well that all this will not be continued, and you have absolutely nothing to do with it. You shouldn’t get carried away with soul-searching and look for the reason within yourself, because in the vast majority of cases, as you noticed, it’s about the man himself and his intentions, and not about you.

In the end, this is just another acquaintance like free girl there can be (and should be!) a dozen in search per day. Why make too much of it? Mind your own business, communicate and enjoy life. Don't rush. If he needs it, he will find it and call. The less you remember about it, the faster you will forget. In a week, month, or year, you definitely won’t remember about it.

A man suddenly disappeared at the beginning of a relationship

You started a relationship, everything seemed to be fine, perhaps you even managed to become friends not only with your hearts, but also with your bodies. And then bam - you realize that it’s been washed away for a whole week. Or he gradually faded away, called less and less often, and the time between meetings lasted longer and longer, and eventually stopped showing signs of life. You feel crushed, and thoughts are swarming in circles in your head: “Why? What did I do wrong? How can I fix everything?”

Alas, not all men have the courage to at least write a text message saying that everything is over between you. Not to mention a personal meeting. And is this meeting necessary? There is no longer a relationship, and what difference does it make how he told you about it? What if he didn’t say anything and simply disappeared without explanation?

In this case, women most often begin to blame themselves. And in vain.

If you disappear at the beginning of a relationship, the reasons may be different:

1. He died or something tragic happened to him. Again, it is possible. This is a very unlikely case, so I highly do not recommend calling him, asking if everything is okay with him, and if he has breathed his last. Moreover, you shouldn’t wait at the door of his apartment to “just talk and dot the t’s.”

If you have been in a relationship for some time and are very worried about his life, ask mutual friends about him once.
If they are not there and there is no one to find out about its existence, then you can still easily check it yourself. Wait for him near work or home. The main thing is to do it from afar and don’t catch the eye of either him or your mutual friends! Otherwise, he will think too much about himself, or worse, he will feel like a victim of an abnormal hunter and is unlikely to ever show up.

As a last resort, you can also write him a message: “Hi, how are you?” Delivered, but no response, and yet it regularly appears online? So, point number 2.

2. He just doesn't like you. Maybe you liked him initially, but didn’t like him, he saw that you and he had different interests, views on life and goals, and you weren’t on the same path. Or he started dating you out of boredom, without thinking about whether he likes you. Doesn’t it really happen to women that, out of boredom, they indulge a little in a relationship with someone who is not very interesting and with whom nothing long-term is initially planned? The boredom has passed, and the need for a relationship with you has disappeared. How can he explain this? That’s why he prefers to evaporate in silence.

3. He realized that he conquered you, got what he wanted, and is looking for the next prey, or is already running after it with all his might. This often happens after sex, which is what men most often hunt for. This means that sex was the goal, or it was accidental, or not at all what the man would like. And here, in fact, this is the same point number two, in which he simply doesn’t like you.

4. He was afraid of responsibility, your serious conversations and intentions, or even realized that he does not want to spend his life with you. Also point number 2.

5. He has a period of doubt when he himself wants to decide whether to continue the relationship with you. Very similar to point number 2, but with unimportant nuances.

6. He made peace with his ex. It's trivial because it happens often. Especially if he started a relationship with you to forget her, or to spite her, or to make her jealous. The effect has been achieved, your services are no longer needed...

7. He is tired of your hysterics, demands and brainwashing, especially in public. The lack of gratitude and criticism makes him feel used. And his patience ran out.

8. He has problems or is stuck at work. That is, the fear of losing you fades into the background, because it is not so great in comparison with his problem.

9. Holidays are coming: your birthday, New Year, February 14, March 8. It’s a pity to spend money on a gift for you. He will show up after the holidays. Either you yourself asked him for a gift or help with something, and he disappeared. This is definitely point number 2.

It would seem that the reason should be obvious to the woman herself. But when falling in love literally comes out of your ears, all this no longer seems so logical. I would like to hope for the best. Especially if in my mind I already married him and gave birth to three children. And he takes it and brazenly merges... I don’t want to believe that this is the end. But there's nothing left.

What to do?

If he disappeared after the first sex - nothing. He is not interested in developing relationships, he will have to get over it. Any SMS and calls are a humiliation of your dignity.

If he disappeared before the first sex, then nothing. It's not hard to forget a man a woman hasn't slept with. Sooner or later it will disappear from your mind without leaving a trace. It is unlikely that it will take more than a few months, and in a couple of years you will not be able to remember about it, even if you wanted to.

If he disappeared after a couple of months of the relationship, it’s surprising, but again nothing. It makes no sense to terrorize him with calls, “accidentally” catch his eye, ask for forgiveness, offer help in solving problems, eternal friendship or meetings for sex. He may agree, but in his eyes you will lose your last value. What if he doesn’t agree, how will you feel?

Even if your tantrums were to blame, draw conclusions about changing your behavior in life, wait a couple of weeks, write to him “Hi, how are you?” and wait for a reaction. If he wants to communicate and meet you, try not to repeat your destructive behavior. If his reaction is sluggish or absent, continue searching for the man of your dreams. Give yourself the right to make mistakes! After all, no one is perfect, and there is no point in making excessive demands on yourself. After all, you are not a gold bar for everyone to like, and you don’t have to be loved by everyone who comes your way. Leave it to others to choose whether they like you or not. And it's not your problem. You don't like everyone either.

And this “loser” will show up himself if he wants. And he will most likely do this no earlier than you truly decide to let him go inside you.

In any case, even if you want to get him back, you first need a break in communication for 2-3 weeks so that he forgets the bad things about your relationship, the resentment subsides, and he misses all the good things that happened between you. Problems don’t last forever, if you’re bored, you’ll call. If you don’t get bored, draw your own conclusions. By the way, I plan to write an article about how to competently return a man. Therefore, subscribe to updates at your convenience: in contact with, or , or so as not to miss it.

Why no explanation?

It would seem, well, just say humanly that you don’t want to continue, and that’s the end of it. A woman will not suffer in the unknown. But no. And why is that?

The main reason for this is fear. Suddenly you start making trouble, sort things out, accuse him of all sins, cut off his phone, watch at the door, threaten, or even smash his car or face. And so it seems that he hid his head in the sand, and you see - everything will sort itself out, she will survive and calm down.

Although his hopes look stupid, it is still pointless to blame him for them. After all, women often act even worse than he might imagine in his own eyes. nightmare. If all women calmly reacted to the proposal to leave, did not reproach him and did not cry, did not try to get a reason from him, did not persuade him to change his mind and stay where he does not want to stay, then it is quite possible that he would not disappear after all. English

That is, if women knew their worth and behaved with dignity. If he doesn’t want to, it means he doesn’t want to, this is his decision and choice, it is impossible to be suitable for everyone, and you are good enough to arrange your personal life happily without him. If all women had this much self-esteem and confidence, the world would be a completely different place, full of responsible men. I wrote in detail about the benefits of female dignity in family happiness.

The reason may also be the feeling of being the navel of the Earth. He is sure that everyone around him thinks and feels the same as he does. In his head, he has built logical arguments why your relationship has no future, and he is absolutely sure that everything is just as clear to you, this is more than logical!

He doesn’t take into account that this is only logical for him, and you have your own feelings about the relationship with him, and about all other reasons too. Needless to say, women are guilty of this no less often. For example, when you are sure that it is logical - after six months of a relationship, buy the most expensive ring, for which there is only enough money, invite him to a restaurant, get down on one knee and, shedding tears of love and admiration, propose to the woman.

And he may have his own logic about when, to whom and how to make an offer. The woman gets offended and leaves him, and he doesn’t even understand why he was abandoned.

Or a woman thinks that it is logical and natural to help her when she is puffing and straining, dragging bags from the store, or washing dishes late at night, when everyone is already asleep. But this is not logical for a man - well, since she copes and doesn’t ask for help, then she doesn’t need it. If a man does not need help, he will not ask for it, and offering to help him will humiliate him, show him that he is a weakling and is not able to cope with it.

Therefore, he judges by himself, and the woman by herself. Each is sure that the other’s head has the same thoughts as his. That the other understands perfectly well what they want from him, but does not do it out of spite, specifically to offend him more strongly. This is how two adult small children, who still have not realized where one person ends and another begins, ruin each other’s relationships and lives.

Another option could be a period of doubt. Many male trainers argue that a man must have a period when he decides for himself whether he wants to be with this woman. They came too close and he first needed to move away in order to see her at some distance and feel attraction. And it would be better if this period came at the beginning of a relationship, and not in a deep marriage.

Women, as a rule, do not have such a period. Therefore, he won’t even be able to explain to her what’s what, no matter how hard he tries. Often he cannot even explain to himself why he wants to push away from her. If she doesn’t get hysterical and just minds her own business, then most likely he will get bored and will be attracted to her again.

A man disappeared and appeared, how to behave

For whatever reason, a man disappears, if he appears, it means he has some desire to be with you. Whether it’s strong or not, he himself doesn’t know yet. Therefore, competent behavior of a woman is important here.

First, you need to put aside the desire for revenge and send him away, fall in love and leave him, get him at all costs and come what may. Better analyze his qualities, past attitude towards you, listen to yourself - would you like to spend your life with this person? Are you interested in communicating with him? Are you inspired by his goals? Don't you feel deep down that you will break up with him sooner or later because he is not right for you? Aren't you just being fooled by him? beautiful appearance? To help you decide, I specifically wrote.

Usually inside a woman there are answers to these questions, but emotions drown out everything. And then she either understands that he is what she needs, but pushes him away out of resentment, or, on the contrary, she realizes that he is not very interesting to her and does not suit her, but the excitement of the hunt and offended pride force her to fight for him, wasting her time in vain.

If you don't need him, you shouldn't start this relationship again. It's better to end everything now before you get too attached. Then it will be more painful to tear it off, but you will still have to, since it is not a match for you.

If you don’t know him well and have not yet managed to understand whether he is needed or not, or are sure that he is needed, you will need all your self-control, pride and patience. React to his appearance calmly.

You should not joyfully throw yourself into his arms - for him this will be a sign that you have been waiting for him and he can disappear and appear whenever he pleases, and you are quite happy to be an alternate airfield and will always happily accept him.

At the same time, you should not roll out insults to him, describe your sufferings that you experienced without him, how bad you felt without him. He can run away from guilt again. Perhaps he had that very period of doubt, and he survived it.

You shouldn’t scold him for this, it’s best to just explain your feelings: “I didn’t know what to think, it was like you don’t want our relationship anymore, and I was preparing for the worst and trying to come to terms with the idea that between We're done. So now I need to think about it to see if I want to continue.”

And let him try to earn your favor. Just accept his courtship, gifts and attention not with a feeling of offended pride and arrogance, but as if it were the first time. It’s as if he didn’t do anything wrong, but nevertheless he rolled back a step and is now trying to conquer you again. Old new fan. And it’s up to you to decide whether he’s worthy of a second try or not.

If you did everything right, he conquered you and you had a wonderful relationship, but then he suddenly or gradually disappeared a second time - your relationship is over. He has very big doubts about you. Too big to create a reliable family with him. This means he’s not right for you because he doesn’t love you enough. Or he is very afraid of responsibility, and this also means that he is not a match for you.

The man disappears and appears again

I won’t say anything new - he doesn’t like you enough to settle on you and stay. He may or may not have another woman - the conclusion is the same.

Yes, sometimes it happens that a man is very passionate and involved in his activities. Kind of like Rearden in Atlas Shrugged. Such a one will sometimes appear and disappear again in his fantastic interesting work. These are the kind of passionate people who can change the world. But there are very few of them.

This happens much more often when a man likes you in some ways, but not in others. So he rushes about in the hope of finding more suitable option. Sometimes he misses some of your qualities that suit him, and at such moments he calls and writes. If he doesn’t show signs of life, it means at these moments he is most likely thinking about your unsuitable qualities, or about the suitable qualities of some other woman. Therefore, it is pointless to torture him with calls - at this moment he is focused on the bad, and you push him away even more.

That is, in essence, he doesn’t really need you. I specifically call the qualities "suitable for him" and "unsuitable" and do not call them your "good" and "bad" qualities. So that you don’t suddenly rush to blame yourself and reshape these qualities to please him. If you try to adapt to him, to love what he loves, to stop loving what he doesn’t like, you will lose yourself, and then you will not like either yourself or him, because he will become bored. Your self-esteem will drop to zero, you will constantly be looking for something else that is so “crooked” to change in yourself so that he will like you more. And without consistently high self-esteem healthy relationships impossible.

It is much more interesting to find someone who needs exactly your kit. My consulting experience shows that every product has its own merchant who can appreciate it. One considers a woman's intelligence to be a disadvantage, the other - an advantage. One needs someone who is soft and submissive, the other needs someone who can firmly defend their opinions and desires. One wants a woman who knows how to calmly negotiate, the other wants a brawler who, with her screams, causes a surge of emotions in him and makes him experience the whole rainbow of feelings. It is impossible to please everyone at once; it is better to look longer and find your own ideal.

It turns out that such relationships, when a man is “figaro here - figaro there”, are futile. You can’t adapt to him, and if you don’t adapt, he will run away again. As a last resort, you can correct your obvious shortcomings, which you yourself consider to be such. For example, quarrelsomeness, rudeness, inadequate jealousy, unkemptness and others like them - in any case, it won’t hurt to work on these qualities, at least just for yourself, and not for him. But only if you want to. After all, you can find your connoisseur in any case if you look hard enough.

In such a “neither here nor there” relationship, the woman becomes deathly attached to the man. No wonder - he gives her such an emotional swing that you just sway! A woman considers such a man amazing because he makes her shake ten out of nine. Sometimes from love and happiness, sometimes from resentment and hatred. She feels "finally truly alive." And it’s so sweet and pleasant to wait for his call, and then he will crawl on his knees in front of her, ask for forgiveness and say that she is the best in the world and he realized that he cannot live without her. They will have a sweet time of love, seasoned with the bitterness of waiting for a new separation, and then everything will happen again.

Other things are relegated to the tenth plane, because nothing can compare with these sensations. In my head there is only him and the anticipation of his next prank, an acute desire to get him whole, and it doesn’t matter how suitable he is. You can get into this addiction for many years.

Moreover, dependence is not so much on a man; he himself may not be needed; deep down, many women understand this. That they will break up with him sooner or later, when their relationship has more or less settled down, because they have very different views on life, and by and large are bored with each other.

The dependence here is more on these emotions and the irresistible gambling desire to achieve his love. Many of them say: “I’m not used to losing, I’ve invested too much in him, I can’t afford to lose, and I’ll get him at any cost.” Especially if he's handsome. They invest more and more, and therefore become more and more attached. There's too much at stake to just give up. And the further it goes, the worse it gets. Just like in a casino.

The secret of getting rid of addiction is to finally come to terms with it, take it and give it up. If a man has disappeared more than once, then he is simply not right for you. After all, the main criterion suitable man- he loves you and wants to be with you. And this one either loves, then doesn’t love, then again twenty-five. Is it possible to build a family with this? If you hope that a stamp in your passport and the presence of children will stop him, then you are mistaken.

Accept that you have invested too much in this relationship and realize that you still have a lot left. You will not invest anything else into this relationship, and from now on you will only invest in places where you are truly welcome.

Find other sources of pleasure and emotion. During your relationship with him, you abandoned everything, because nothing could compare in the intensity of sensations with your hopeless romance. Old passions and hobbies no longer bring joy - look for new ones that do. Replace this dependency with another one, only more useful and accessible - for example, from healthy image life or your own chic appearance. Just this time remember that everything is good in moderation, don’t be obsessed and leave room in life for other activities and hobbies.

A man disappeared from a family or long-term cohabitation

Everything was fine, the family was created (or in the immediate plans), perhaps there were already children. And then, out of the blue, the man slammed the door and disappeared without explanation. Is this really possible?

Fortunately, rarely. This can only happen if in reality everything was not that good. But the wife chose the ostrich position. I buried my head in the sand and didn’t want to notice the problems. Because I didn’t know how to solve them, and I was afraid that everything would collapse. “A bad peace is better than a good quarrel, maybe it will somehow resolve itself,” she hoped. It didn't resolve...

The reason for this could be scandals, insults and grievances that accumulated and accumulated, and one fine day he realized that he was either in the noose or free. Because otherwise it will explode so much that they will have to collect its remains within a radius of one hundred kilometers. The instinct of self-preservation makes him run. He can be understood, because he was not taught the ability to negotiate, hear another and competently convey his thoughts. And who was taught?

The reason could also be that he fell in love with another woman who gave him an ultimatum, he couldn’t withstand the tension, and he didn’t have the courage to look you in the eyes. Just like long-term grievances with claims, a woman cannot help but notice that her husband has fallen in love with another. Therefore, here, too, it cannot be said that he disappeared for no reason. The woman understood what was happening, but was afraid to ask questions. And if you really didn’t notice, then can you really say about such a relationship “everything is fine with us”? In the family there is no closeness and understanding of what is happening to the other person. Not spouses, but cohabitants in a common area. When there is spiritual intimacy, a change in the other’s mood is felt almost instantly.

Leaving your family once and for all is not so easy. Parents and friends will force him to change his mind and return (if you created with them a good relationship, Certainly). Most likely, he will miss his children. And it wouldn’t hurt to get a divorce either, in order to create other relationships. Therefore, few people succeed in disappearing from their family without a trace.

Finally

If men often disappear from your life, then it is likely that the reason is you. Maybe you want to marry everyone from the first minute next man, and are you being too annoying? Or is your nature very hysterical and it would be worth working on yourself? There can be many reasons, each situation is individual.

Don't get attached to a man too quickly, let things take their course. Leave him the right to change his life whenever he wants. And don’t forget to give yourself this right. Stop thinking about whether you are right for him and what he wants from you. It’s better to check if it suits you (using the same one that I already mentioned).

And most importantly, stop blaming yourself for everything! Self-esteem is like a hundred-kilogram weight - it’s easy to drop and difficult to lift. If he has not forgotten his ex, this does not mean that you are worse, it’s just that his heart is closed to others. If he doesn’t like something about you, it doesn’t mean that you are bad, you just aren’t suitable for HIM. After all, if it is important for you that a man, for example, likes to travel and does not smoke, then smoking homebody men are not bad at all, they are just not suitable for YOU. And there is no tragedy in this, because it is impossible to be good and suitable for everyone. Look for your man who will be delighted with your qualities.

59 621

You talked, went on dates, and then he disappeared. Stopped calling and answering messages, blocked you on social networks. You begin to look for the problem in yourself, reviewing the moments of meetings again and again: where did you make a mistake? In fact, there is no error. Why do such disappearances affect us so much and what to do, explains psychologist Ekaterina Vashukova.

Enter the phrase “why did he disappear” into a search engine and you will be surprised at the number of links: “Men admit why they disappear without explanation,” “How to survive the disappearance of a guy,” “The main reason why guys disappear.” This happens to many women and we want to know why it happens.

It's not just men who are disappearing. Women do this too. The difference is that after their partner goes missing, women spend much more time worrying and thinking about what they did wrong. Women blame themselves for everything.

Perhaps on a date you had too much to drink and burst into tears because ex-love or tried to forcefully kiss a man. But, most likely, you behaved adequately, tried to produce good impression and find a normal partner.

The reason is not in us, but in the past experience and preferences of a man

It's probably not you. But you still manically re-read the correspondence and try to understand why he disappeared, retelling the details to your friends and asking what could have gone wrong. Even if you didn’t really like the man, the fact that he disappeared hurts. This mystery haunts you. You definitely want to solve it. But is it worth spending time on this?

When someone leaves us without explanation, we worry so much that we often forget the simple truth. If a man doesn’t like us or he switches to another woman, this has little to do with us. The reason is not in us, but in the past experience and preferences of a man.

How to cope with emotional trauma? Here are five steps to help you forget about the breakup.

1. Delete the conversation

You can't change someone else's behavior, so stop wasting time wondering what you should have said or done differently. Once you destroy the evidence, you will no longer be able to return to it and reflect on this topic.

2. Spend time with people who reciprocate your feelings

Your best friends and family will not run away from you. Shift your energy and attention to people you can trust.

3. Be open to new things

A good way to recover from such an awkward breakup is to shake yourself up a little. Say yes to the new and unknown. We invited an unknown musician to a concert - go ahead. A friend invited me to a bar - why not? A friend invites you to workout, lace up your sneakers.

4. Get back into the game

It's hard to meet men after you've been dumped. Try not to lose hope and be open to new acquaintances. But if you want to delete all dating apps and concentrate on something else, give yourself a break.

5. Don't do this to others.

Now you know how painful it is. You can come up with answers in advance that you will send to those with whom you do not want to communicate.

Someone who hurt your feelings and disappeared in such a shameless manner does not deserve your time.

Why do we care when men disappear?

Psychologist Ekaterina Vashukova explains why we react so painfully to the disappearance of men and what type of women experiences this trauma most acutely.

When a person suddenly disappears from our lives, the feeling of stability collapses. An information vacuum arises in which we try to explain what happened. Uncertainty gives rise to fears and negative fantasies based on previous life experiences.

The sudden disappearance of a man causes the most acute feelings in girls with complexes and traumas. If a woman experienced a traumatic interruption of contact with one of her parents in childhood, then the situation of rejection revives old complexes in her.

Women with a “guilt complex” also fall into an emotional trap. It is formed if a girl is instilled with an excessive sense of responsibility - you are responsible for everything that happens to you and around you. If she was overly criticized as a child, mature age she judges herself harshly.

The third group of vulnerable are girls who grew up in dysfunctional families. In such families, personal boundaries are violated, there is emotional or physical violence, which forms codependent character traits in the child. In relationships, such women identify themselves with their partner. When a man leaves, he takes the image of the woman with him.

Another man just disappeared?

Let me guess: everything was so cool, one date or three. Or you’ve been dating for several months and oops... Disappeared. Doesn't call, doesn't write, answers your calls/SMS in monosyllables. Yes? Continue reading, now you will understand what happened.

Imagine, I once taught a seminar on relationships. There were about 20 people at the webinar. And so I talk about the difference between M and F, and here is the question: “how do we understand if everything was fine with us, and he suddenly disappeared?” And guess what? Similar questions immediately poured in from others. So I had to explain everything in detail, instead of talking about the planned topic.

I told them, I’ll tell you too. Since you will ask me this question sooner or later anyway. Just don't forget that every rule has exceptions. And everything that I will write below is the opinion of some psychologists and experts on the topic of relationships.

Well, here’s the problem: “He doesn’t call, but everything was cool. What to do?". I, beautiful, know that you are in pain now, I know that you miss me, that I am sure that he is the One, that I have already come up with a thousand excuses for myself. And, although you still don’t believe that I also have problems and experiences, this happened to me too.

The last time, everything was so wonderful: he clearly admired me, we chatted a lot and constantly went somewhere. And then he walked me home, all so in love, in love, and still... he didn’t show up again. And no need for hysterics, he is alive and well.

In short, my dear, friend in misfortune, if he disappeared, then with a 99% guarantee nothing happened to him. He Didn't end up in the hospital, He didn't lose your number and it wasn't stolen by aliens. No. He just doesn't want to call you. That's all) Oh, just don't cry! Let him go through the forest! But seriously, you should know about several features of the male psyche.

Firstly, time flows differently for them, unlike us. And if he disappeared, it doesn’t mean anything. Yes, if he disappeared for a week or two, then there is a chance that he is just very busy. And when he appears, it will depend on you whether you will accept him with open arms or, out of an old woman’s habit, you will pout and send him to hell.

If you choose the latter, don’t forget that it could be the same one you kicked out... But, there is a possibility that he forgot about you. In any case, I say with authority that it is better to give a second chance.

Secondly, These people from Mars also form their attachment in their own way. The further they go, the more they love. The so-called rubber band effect. If you are dear to him, then the longer he doesn’t see you, the happier the meeting will be. This, by the way, is very skillfully used by experienced seductresses and it would not hurt you.

Well, if there was nothing, then he will go and go until he finally leaves. Understand? Or there is an elastic band and then it stretches, and when it stretches too much, one end of it will fly to the other. If not, then give him a pie.

So what should you do? Just kill it! Relax and mind your own business, something useful and interesting, your life, for example. Or start going on dates urgently. If he decided to end the relationship, then you need to wean yourself off him. If you are dull, then you will not notice how the time of separation passes.

Should I call him? Call if you really want to. But remember that the conversation should be on a neutral topic: weather and nature. Under no circumstances should you ask why he doesn’t call or what he’s doing. If he wants, he will tell you. A man needs freedom, be kind enough to provide it if you hold on to it.

59 623

You talked, went on dates, and then he disappeared. Stopped calling and answering messages, blocked you on social networks. You begin to look for the problem in yourself, reviewing the moments of meetings again and again: where did you make a mistake? In fact, there is no error. Why do such disappearances affect us so much and what to do, explains psychologist Ekaterina Vashukova.

Enter the phrase “why did he disappear” into a search engine and you will be surprised at the number of links: “Men admit why they disappear without explanation,” “How to survive the disappearance of a guy,” “The main reason why guys disappear.” This happens to many women and we want to know why it happens.

It's not just men who are disappearing. Women do this too. The difference is that after their partner goes missing, women spend much more time worrying and thinking about what they did wrong. Women blame themselves for everything.

Perhaps on a date you had too much, burst into tears because of your ex-love, or tried to forcefully kiss a man. But, most likely, you behaved appropriately, tried to make a good impression and find a normal partner.

The reason is not in us, but in the past experience and preferences of a man

It's probably not you. But you still manically re-read the correspondence and try to understand why he disappeared, retelling the details to your friends and asking what could have gone wrong. Even if you didn’t really like the man, the fact that he disappeared hurts. This mystery haunts you. You definitely want to solve it. But is it worth spending time on this?

When someone leaves us without explanation, we worry so much that we often forget the simple truth. If a man doesn’t like us or he switches to another woman, this has little to do with us. The reason is not in us, but in the past experience and preferences of a man.

How to cope with emotional trauma? Here are five steps to help you forget about the breakup.

1. Delete the conversation

You can't change someone else's behavior, so stop wasting time wondering what you should have said or done differently. Once you destroy the evidence, you will no longer be able to return to it and reflect on this topic.

2. Spend time with people who reciprocate your feelings

Your best friends and family will not run away from you. Shift your energy and attention to people you can trust.

3. Be open to new things

A good way to recover from such an awkward breakup is to shake yourself up a little. Say yes to the new and unknown. We invited an unknown musician to a concert - go ahead. A friend invited me to a bar - why not? A friend invites you to workout, lace up your sneakers.

4. Get back into the game

It's hard to meet men after you've been dumped. Try not to lose hope and be open to new acquaintances. But if you want to delete all dating apps and concentrate on something else, give yourself a break.

5. Don't do this to others.

Now you know how painful it is. You can come up with answers in advance that you will send to those with whom you do not want to communicate.

Someone who hurt your feelings and disappeared in such a shameless manner does not deserve your time.

Why do we care when men disappear?

Psychologist Ekaterina Vashukova explains why we react so painfully to the disappearance of men and what type of women experiences this trauma most acutely.

When a person suddenly disappears from our lives, the feeling of stability collapses. An information vacuum arises in which we try to explain what happened. Uncertainty gives rise to fears and negative fantasies based on previous life experiences.

The sudden disappearance of a man causes the most acute feelings in girls with complexes and traumas. If a woman experienced a traumatic interruption of contact with one of her parents in childhood, then the situation of rejection revives old complexes in her.

Women with a “guilt complex” also fall into an emotional trap. It is formed if a girl is instilled with an excessive sense of responsibility - you are responsible for everything that happens to you and around you. If she was unduly criticized in childhood, in adulthood she judges herself harshly.

The third group of vulnerable are girls who grew up in dysfunctional families. In such families, personal boundaries are violated, emotional or physical violence is present, which forms codependent character traits in the child. In relationships, such women identify themselves with their partner. When a man leaves, he takes the image of the woman with him.

The man leaves without explanation for various reasons. Read the article in detail.

He disappeared without explanation - such situations happen to many women. It doesn’t matter how long you were together - a couple of weeks or several years, the act seems vile and irresponsible.

Any girl or woman, finding herself in such a situation, will look for answers to questions related to his disappearance, explain some points to herself, and look for excuses for him. Let's figure out together what is causing the sudden disappearance of a man.

Why does a man disappear without explanation?

It seems to you that you have met the one and only one you love. Everything seemed to be going great: flowers, dates, SMS with nice words, but suddenly something goes wrong. The man first ignores the messages, then comes up with a hundred reasons to delay the next date, and then disappears completely - without calling or making any excuses. Why does a man disappear without explanation? Here are some reasons:

A man is afraid to take responsibility

• If he understands that the relationship has reached a dead end and someone must take responsibility and say goodbye, the man is afraid to do it first.
• At first he puts off meetings and conversations, and then he simply disappears.

Men don't like to explain

• If a woman understood everything after one single phrase, “it’s all over between us,” and didn’t ask any questions, then men would stop disappearing.
• But she needs to know the reason for such a decision; perhaps reproaches, tears and nerves will begin.
• The man takes care of himself and therefore leaves in English.

He's a victim

• A woman may think that their relationship was perfect and full of love, but a man may think otherwise.
• He may feel like a victim in a relationship and expect an apology for some action.
• Of course, many men are straightforward and express everything to their faces, but some can withdraw and disappear.

A woman must understand everything herself

• If there is a crisis in your relationship, then you will think through everything to the smallest detail: a farewell speech, explanations, and so on.
• But the man doesn’t understand why he needs to talk and sort things out.
• It’s easier for him to leave with the words inside himself: “she will understand everything herself.”

He's not used to making decisions

• Many men are morally weak; they do not make independent decisions.
• You shouldn’t expect a noble act from him at the moment of farewell.
• It is easier for such a man to disappear, and few representatives of the stronger sex have a share of determination and prudence.

He doesn't need a scandal

• Men don’t like women’s tears, screams, breaking dishes, but this is exactly what they associate with the moment of separation.
• He is ready to put moral principles in the background and leave unnoticed so as not to listen to women's reproaches and scandals.

The reason for the disappearance is another woman

• In this case, he either does not value you at all and easily left for someone else, or, on the contrary, she found out about you and demands a break in the relationship.
• It will be difficult for him to explain his action, since he is guilty.
• Perhaps the man simply doesn't know what to say.

Things don't go according to plan

• Many men are pragmatists and like to plan something serious.
• At first he expects an easy relationship, non-binding.
• But at one moment he realizes that the woman hopes for something more, then it’s easier for him to leave.

"Backup" option?

• Men often act cruelly. They meet with some women, but they have another in mind - one who is no longer available.
• He can pursue her, but at the same time be in a relationship with you. But, if it doesn’t work out with the other one, then he can always stay with the one who is now next to him.
• This scheme is known to everyone and any explanations are unnecessary here.

He loves to win

• Some men believe that leaving without saying goodbye is the act of a real man.
• They are sure that those who stoop to explanations are weaklings.

As a child, he was not taught to cope with difficult situations

• When raising a boy, it is important to teach him to be a real man and cope with difficulties.
• But many men don’t know how to do this, they don’t know what it’s like to leave gracefully.
• He cannot explain why you don’t suit him in bed or point out that a woman should take better care of herself.
• The man is afraid of making it even more painful and therefore leaves without explanation.

Don’t delve into someone else’s soul, don’t look for excuses or explanations. Just let the situation go and maybe everything will work itself out and he will return. Also, do not exclude the possibility that force majeure or serious problems may arise.

Why did a man disappear after the first date, meeting, sex?

Women think that men are primitive and that they should not be expected to make adequate decisions, but this is not so. They can explain everything to themselves. For example, why did he disappear after the first date or meeting?

• For men, appearance and mental match are important. On the first date, they will not think of you as a future wife and imagine you as the mother of his children.
• A man only needs sex and emotions, and if a woman does not attract him sexually, then the communication will end there.
• A man can be scared off even by the smell of perfume, your figure, which seems to him not slim enough, or the timbre of your voice. But this does not mean that you are somehow different. The other one will like all your advantages, but the other one will run away in a few minutes, because he will think that you have many shortcomings.
• He may understand that he will not attract a woman like you. For example, your bag is more expensive than his car, and you are used to receiving such things as a gift.
• You talked a lot about your ex or relationships in general.. For you this topic is important and interesting, but for him it is not. He wants to talk about himself, his business, or just talk about art.
• It seemed to him that it was not him, but that he was being chosen. Men are used to making their own choices, but suddenly it seemed to him that you had come to have fun and appreciate him. He wants the woman to be involved with him from the first date.
• You accidentally got drunk after drinking a couple of cocktails. This can happen, but not every man will like it. After such a situation, it will definitely merge.

If a man courted you for a long time and achieved his goal, and then disappeared after the first sex, then this may be due to various reasons. It often happens that the first sex happens suddenly, for example, on the first date. Why does the man disappear in this case? Here are the answers to this question:

• Hormones. In women after sexual connection With a man, the hormone oxytocin, which is responsible for the feeling of happiness in our body, increases. Tenderness and pleasant words His testosterone levels decrease. Therefore, the man goes in search of feats that will help him do something brutal and masculine to restore the balance of hormones.
• He feels guilty. He ended up in bed too early, as he thinks, and therefore he feels guilty towards you. This gnaws at him from the inside and so the man decides to simply disappear.
• He got more than he expected. A man is a winner by nature. He wants to conquer. He must understand that he has earned the right to be with you, that is, time must pass after your first acquaintance. If he got everything he wanted too quickly, then his behavior will be obvious.

If sex has already happened and the man has disappeared, do not be humiliated - do not call and do not insist on the next date. This will scare him off even more. Just wait a while, maybe he has something important to do. But, if he doesn’t want to see you and avoids meetings and conversations, then why do you need him?

Where and for how long do men disappear: male psychology

Men live next to us, take care of us, give us gifts, invite us on dates, but they have their own rules of the game. Wise woman must know about these rules in order to be not just a friend, but to rise in his eyes to another status - his beloved girl, wife and mother of his children. Where and for how long do men disappear? Basics of male psychology:

Men don't admit their mistakes

• They want to be the best, and although the man understands that he did wrong, he does not want to hear about it from the woman.
• He should see only admiration - this is important for any man.
• If a woman constantly reminds him of his mistakes, then sooner or later he will go to someone who will admire him.
• In this case, men go to other women who understand them and read praises about his unsurpassed skills.

Men are not used to having long-term relationships

• Only women think about marriage, but he loves his freedom and values ​​it.
• It’s completely different if he’s in love, then you can get your way and insist on something serious.
• IN otherwise, he will go to his bachelor apartment to regain the feeling of freedom that they tried to take away from him.

He needs approval

• A man loves to be the best in everything. He brags to his friends, colleagues and to his woman.
• If his boasting is approved and accepted by a woman who is not indifferent to him, then he will move mountains for her.
• If not, then he will leave to look for a woman who will listen to him with her mouth open. Therefore, there should always be delight in your eyes.

A man loves specifics

• He does not understand hints and hidden requests. If you think that your chosen one should read minds and be a psychic, you are wrong. A man's brain is wired differently.
• You must communicate verbally and explain your desires to him in words.
• He is used to asking specific questions and receiving understandable information.
• If you can't come to terms with this, then a man won't understand you. This is fraught with his leaving for someone who is ready to talk to him openly.

Emotions are not his strong point

• Men by nature are stingy with emotions. If he has troubles at work, he will walk around sullen and dream of not being touched by his children and wife.
• It is important for a woman to wait out this moment, and not aggravate the situation by causing him headache and unpleasant emotions.
• If a woman does not have enough wisdom, then he will simply want to run away to a place where he will not be touched.
• Perhaps he will eventually tell everything or show his nerves and go to a friend’s bachelor’s apartment.

Don't try to change his psychology. Take advantage of the moment: sympathize, cook his favorite dish and literally spoon feed him. At the same time, be sincere, then true female happiness is guaranteed to you.

A man disappears for several days, a month, does not write, does not call, then appears: how to react to this?

It often happens that he leaves, does not write or call, and then appears and, as if nothing had happened, speaks words of love. Then he disappears again for several days or months. A woman waits, endures and dreams that a man’s behavior will change. But this does not happen, and the situation repeats itself again. How to react to the fact that a man disappears for several days, for a month, does not write, does not call, and then appears? Here are some tips:

Think if everything can be fixed

• Perhaps there is conflict in your relationship.
• He lives with you until he gets tired of swearing or scenes of jealousy.
• Then he leaves and returns because he has feelings or is simply attracted to this conflict.
• You should change your character a little and not make a scene, then maybe another man will appear in your life - understanding, reasonable and wise.

He only likes you sexually

• After satisfying his interests, he disappears and then appears again.
• In this case, the man does not intend to build a long-term relationship and therefore he leaves to live his own life.
• You must decide for yourself whether you need this attitude. Everything is in your hands and every person has the right to control his own destiny.

He's a typical introvert

• A man wants emotional intimacy and it comes. Then everything gets boring and he leaves.
• Events will continue to develop this way until you get tired of it.
• Try not to let him into your life once. He will either leave forever or stay.