Hello dear readers of the Samprosvetbyulleten blog!
“Separation from my loved one and the pain of parting, a feeling of injustice mixed with guilt, brought me to a deplorable state. with me, he will marry someone else. How to stop worrying? I have already analyzed my mistakes and positive sides highlighted, seemed to talk it out with her friends. But the pain does not go away, nothing helps. When I read your blog, it seems like there is order in my head and the pain subsides, but then again,” writes Marina. “How to stop worrying about separation from your loved one? He had to leave for a year for career reasons. He says he loves me and we will be together, but who knows what could happen. The pain of separation prevents me from living normally. Are there methods to get rid of worries? — writes Svetlana.
Whatever happens, the main thing is health
Emotions affect our health. Under the influence of negative emotions, such as the pain of separation, sadness, fear, stress hormones are released. Once in the bloodstream, stress hormones weaken the tone of the immune system. Research shows that within 24 hours of experiencing negative emotions, the immune system cannot function normally. While positive emotions - joy, love, trust, hope - contribute to the release of endrophins into the blood, due to which the functional level of the immune system increases. If we experience negative emotions long time, then you can imagine how much they weaken our immune system and are harmful to health. Unfortunately, we forget about this and are irresponsible towards ourselves.
We do not always allow our thoughts and emotions to go beyond the boundaries of our body; we accumulate everything within ourselves. When emotions cause pain, you need to work on yourself to free yourself from worries. If we do not pay attention to what we feel, a serious mental wound is formed, which sooner or later can lead to an explosion of emotions.
The first step is to take responsibility for your health, thoughts and emotions.
Many of us are convinced that we have no power over our emotions. We cannot eliminate negative situations from our lives, such as separation from a loved one or. But we can make a choice about how to react to it. It all depends on our desire to take responsibility not only for our health, but also for our thoughts and emotions. Most women consider themselves victims of their emotions. They think that: “The man is to blame for my pain!”; “The man is to blame for my suffering!”; “The man is to blame for my experiences!”; "I'm unhappy!" Perhaps a loved one really behaved badly, but, nevertheless, your reaction to your emotions and experiences is your responsibility, not his. You have a choice: follow negative emotions, cultivate and cherish them, scroll through grievances in your head, thereby fueling your suffering, or cope with the situation and improve your condition. Most of us don't know that we can choose how to react to a particular emotion.
Instead, we focus our energy on changing the people or circumstances around us. But this energy can be directed to creating the desired emotions, then other changes in life will be much easier. 
Women who take responsibility for their health, thoughts and emotions think like this: “I feel pain now, but I will do everything to improve my condition”; “It’s natural to experience negative feelings after a breakup, but I won’t let my emotions get the better of me, ruin my health, or influence my life”; "my emotional condition depends on me"; “If I allow myself to drown in pain and worries, it is my responsibility, I myself will be to blame for this.” As a rule, when, after some efforts to overcome pain, we say that nothing helps, this means that we have not taken full responsibility for our experiences and continue to consider ourselves a helpless victim of emotions. Until we believe that we have control over our emotions, that they can be tuned to the wave we need even under seemingly unfavorable circumstances, things will not move forward. To set yourself up for responsibility for your emotions, watch films, read fiction and non-fiction, where heroes overcome separation from a loved one or other negative events in their lives with the strength of their spirit. Find a role model to inspire you.
The second step is to use the language of images to free yourself from worries.
Usually we try to throw out emotions using words: express ourselves emotionally and even swear. But then we discover that although this brought relief, some of the emotions are still inside us. To cope with feelings, it is sometimes not enough to simply speak out and pour out your soul to someone. 
The fact is that we process our experiences, feelings and emotions first in the form of visual images in the right hemisphere, and then the left hemisphere translates these images into words. Our body first responds to visual images of thoughts and only then to words that denote the same thought. Through images, you can quickly come into contact with painful emotions from the past in order to release them. This is the basis of the method of getting rid of negative experiences through art. Expressing emotions through color, shape, and lines makes it possible to release painful experiences from our body and get rid of them. The left hemisphere translates what we feel into words. We do not always manage to put into words all the shades of our experiences and some of them are stored in the right hemisphere in the form of images. To completely free ourselves from the pain of a breakup or other negative emotions, we need to use the visual language that our right hemisphere speaks.
Liberation from experiences with the help of images consists of three stages.
1) Present your experiences in the form of visual images.
2) Draw these images.
3) Transform images of negative experiences into positive images and draw them.
To make drawings you will need any drawing materials: pencils, felt-tip pens, paints, crayons. The choice of materials depends on what visual images evoke your experience. Better suited for some looks watercolor paints, for others pencils and so on. Try to relax and focus on the emotion you are feeling at the moment and the physical sensations it causes. Try to imagine what image and color you can use to express the emotion. When the image is clear, immediately draw it on paper. Take a closer look at the image you have created. What message does it contain? What name can you give it?
The next stage is the transformation of the image of the experienced emotion. Transformation is changing a painful emotion at the deepest level of consciousness, looking at it from a different perspective. Recreate in your mind the image of the painful emotions that you just drew on paper. Now imagine how that image would have to change to make you feel better.
Mentally transform it into a positive image and draw it. You can redo your first drawing or draw a new one. When you finish a new drawing, stick it on the wall next to the first one, which depicts your negative emotion. Calmly look at both of these drawings. Imagine again how the old image of a painful emotion is replaced by a new, positive one. Place a picture of a positive image where you can see it often. He will be your symbol of healing. After this image replacement exercise, you should immediately feel significant relief, provided, of course, that you sincerely take responsibility for your emotions. As an example, with the permission of my clients, I will show you what drawings with images of emotions can look like.
Mental pain is a feeling caused by a great shock: death loved one, separation or divorce, resentment and similar situations. However, the stress we experience as a result of the above situations is often not as big as the person makes it out to be. Yes, grief and a painful feeling of emptiness literally overwhelm you, but do not forget that in any case, life goes on. How to deal with heartache? You need to continue to take care of loved ones, go to work and do all other daily activities.
How to deal with mental pain on your own
It is necessary to slightly change the attitude towards the situation that caused it. And most importantly, do not forget that self-deprecation and self-deprecation will lead to mental disorders, but will not at all improve the situation, especially if it can still be improved.
If we are talking about the death of a loved one. Understand that tears and self-torture will not bring him back, and the fact that by killing yourself you are ruining your life and the lives of other people close to you will not make anyone happy and will not bring anyone back.
When parting with your loved one, do not despair and believe that time will put everything in its place and help you accept correct solution. In the meantime, take care of yourself and everyone who depends on you. For example, during a divorce, women are often so carried away by their feelings that they forget about their children.
If you want to cope with mental pain, try to think positively, set yourself up for positive emotions, believe and hope for good things, and hang around more people. Switching to other destinies, to daily problems and other loved ones makes it possible to understand that in fact many people experience similar situations.
If you are suffering from unrequited love, understand that you are wasting time on an object to which you are indifferent and risk missing the moment when there will be a person nearby who loves and longs most of all to be with you.
In overcoming mental suffering, it is important to communicate more, visit public places and entertainment events, watch comedy films, etc. New hobbies or old hobbies will also help take your mind off sad thoughts. Active activities, sports and physical activity are also good ways to avoid negative thoughts and twisting.
And sometimes, there are situations when you need to grit your teeth, move on and perceive everything as it is. Then the pain dulls and recedes.
This does not mean that all wounds resulting from a bad sexual experience will be immediately healed. God forgives, but some of the natural consequences of your sin may remain.
If a drunk man crashes into a telephone booth, crashes his car, and breaks his arm, he can turn to God with a prayer of repentance and receive forgiveness, but he will still have to go to the doctor and have his car repaired. Thus, repentance does not completely remove the scars of mistakes. What should we do with these scars?
The Bible teaches us to be honest in everything. If you have driven freely in the past sex life, and now you are about to get married, you must honestly tell everything to your potential husband or wife. IN married life there should be no skeletons in the closet.
What happened, happened, and nothing can be done about it! Your chosen one must know the whole truth about you, otherwise there is no point in starting a family with him. Reveal your cards. Accepting each other for who you really are is an essential condition marital relations.
Additionally, before you can be accepted by a potential spouse, you must accept yourself and overcome your past. If, say, you feel an aversion to sex because of a bad experience, you shouldn’t hide it and act like nothing happened. To deal with heartache, acknowledge the problem and try to solve it.
You may need psychological help, which also includes spiritual healing. For a Christian, it all begins with a deep study of Scripture. Your attitude will change as the Bible views intimate relationships between spouses is positive.
This is great, healthy sexual intimacy, plus it's designed by God. Knowing the truth in this matter will free you from a negative attitude towards it. Thank God and ask Him to give you feelings that correspond to the truth.
You are not doomed to an unhappy marriage because of past mistakes. You will just have to go through some heartache and remove some stones from the path that would not have been there if you had followed God's perfect plan from the beginning. But don't be sad, because Jesus came to remove our weaknesses and help us reach our potential!
We have discussed with you the pillars on which marital unity is based. If sex is your only goal, then everything we talked about earlier will seem unimportant to you. If all you want from marriage is good food and bills paid, find yourself a suitable partner.
If you dream of harmony and unity in your married life, check whether you have a strong foundation for this. Do not marry until you have sufficiently strengthened the foundation to support the burden of a lifetime of commitment.
Recent studies show that 87% of single people who have never been married want to get married once and for life." They have witnessed their parents' divorce and do not want to repeat their experience. The first step to a happy, long-lasting marriage is right choice spouse(s).
How to learn not to feel mental pain
Each of us from time to time in life there are situations in which we experience mental pain. Sometimes this feeling is so unbearable that our brain and body try to fight it, but this is not always effective. From the body, this pain emerges in the form of various diseases. And the brain is looking for logical exits and moves to deceive us and let us understand how to learn not to feel pain.
Why are we testing it? Many believe that to feel joy and love, to know the value happy life, you definitely need to experience pain for comparison.
But having experienced pain, we close ourselves off from the question of ourselves, our character, our development. We never think that we might need to improve our character in order not to feel pain. This feeling practically manipulates the behavior of all people.
We always say: “Look what you brought me to!” Change and my life will become much better!” Blaming each other, we never think that it is worth changing not our partner, but ourselves.
First, if you want to cope with mental pain, you need to learn to be mindful of this feeling. Can you answer the question: “My pain, what do you want to tell me, what should I pay attention to?” Look for the answer in your heart. For example, you heard your partner accuse you and are now experiencing pain. Now can we start researching what is causing this pain? Everyone will have their own answer.
Accept that you are not perfect. Don't try to idealize yourself. Look at what you don’t own, not as a deficiency, but as a personal resource that can develop in you at any moment.
Do not engage in self-flagellation by diagnosing yourself. Try not to feel emotional pain about this. But when you need it, at any moment you can develop it in yourself to understand. It's the same in relationships. Accept that just because you can't solve a problem doesn't mean you're a complete idiot.
At any time, you can start attending trainings, reading the necessary literature regarding the question “how to learn not to feel pain” to develop this skill in yourself.
Forgive your loved ones and friends, rejoice at your mistakes. To cope with mental pain, ask your loved ones, friends, colleagues to teach you something.
Every day, set yourself a goal to develop or maintain a skill in yourself, so that you are always in shape.
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Loving a person, spending years next to him, but suddenly being erased from his life is not an easy test. Such a denouement causes physical and mental torment, and the heart shrinks for a long time from injustice, melancholy and loneliness. Such wounds do not heal immediately - painful attacks sometimes take years to make themselves felt. The question of how to stop worrying about separation from a loved one is especially acute for women who find themselves in an unexpected situation.
There is nothing to be surprised: this part of humanity is genetically determined to find happiness through self-realization in the family. The plans for the future of most girls are correlated with the responsibilities of a wife and the joys of desired motherhood. The disappearance of the object of love, with whom dreams and hopes were associated, no matter due to what circumstances, is perceived as a tragedy. The problem of how to relieve mental pain becomes central during this period.
How to get rid of heartache from love: step by step
The fact that individuals are slower than others to “claw themselves out” from a state of deep sensory shock complicates the matter. It is vital for such people to find peace of mind. And without understanding that the goal cannot be achieved at an accelerated pace, they will not be able to get out of the created conflict. For a long journey, you also need to stock up on fortitude. Nevertheless, for the sake of a renewed self - saying goodbye to illusions and ready for the new - it is worth overcoming all the milestones of this path.
Time heals: give it to yourself
- — . Don’t think about why your soul is so bad - just grieve in a space conducive to light sadness: on a walk, in a quiet room, in the kitchen with a cup of tea.
- - Let disappointment, anger, grief, anxiety and uncertainty tomorrow will pass before your eyes sequentially, stage by stage. Plunge into the sea of emotions, but don't let yourself drown in it forever.
- - If at this phase you have lost interest in everything - even the desire to leave the house, take care of yourself, follow a basic regime - seek the help of a psychologist. A professional will relieve such stress.
Get rid of reminders and help others
- — Tips on how to get rid of the past won’t work if you constantly come across your ex’s things. Rituals for burning bridges are too much. Give your unwanted junk to someone who needs it.
- — Perhaps, along the way, you will remember about charity and select items that will bring joy to people experiencing need and deprivation. Agree: their sorrows are incomparable to your loss.
- - Move from communicating with comforting friends to the position of a comforter. Try on the role of a comrade and adviser. Start listening, comforting, and lending a helping hand to your neighbors.
Get away from provocations and start recovering
- — Avoid provocative factors: songs that give rise to associations, familiar cafes, photographs in communities. Don’t keep your attention on them, switch to fresh songs and relaxation areas.
- - Use energetic, fiery music, rhythmic dance tunes as a medicine. They will create an endorphin rush and lift your spirits. Dance and move more.
- - Shift from the position of “tired of everything” to a pleasurable chain associated with reading a book, watching a thriller, a concert, a comedy show.
Change your lifestyle and be positive
- - The usual way of life that accompanies your existence together has been destroyed - this is understandable. But that doesn't mean . To cope with mental pain, look for an alternative to your previous activities.
- — Drastic changes you may not need it. But a pleasant hobby, a trip to another city in a nice company or as a solo tourist is what you need. A change of scenery sets the mood for a different plot.
- — Change your image, engage in personal growth. Feel the reserves hidden in you and give them action. We dreamed of mastering the macrame technique, karate techniques - go ahead. There's plenty of time and you're free!
- - Love yourself - this trait does not repel, but attracts, gives success and gives perseverance.
- — Compassion and helping others is a guarantee that you will never be alone.
- — Make jokes and smile: now you not only know how to live on, but you have someone to support you.
- — Trust people and give them love. A sad experience is not a reason to lose faith in good things. It's not far off.
This is in an ideal world ex-lovers They part with a smile and promise to be friends until the grave. In reality, it can be painful to see someone who previously gave love and affection, and now put someone else’s photo on their desktop. If the wounds haven't healed, allow yourself to be and don't promise to stay with your ex or former friends. At least until the passions subside and the emotional wounds heal.
Unfriend on social networks
The problem of our time is that every step of a person is captured on the Internet. If your heart is broken, turn the page and don't be friends with your ex. in social networks. You don’t need to know where your ex-lover spent his vacation, who he went to the movies with, or what gifts his new boyfriend showers yesterday’s passion with. If your hand doesn’t rise to press the treasured button, at least exclude your ex’s news from your feed. And there - time will tell.
Delete saved messages and conversations
New life - clean archives in your phone and instant messengers. No matter how much you regret the past, delete all messages in chats to avoid the temptation to re-read them in a sad mood. Otherwise, drunken hysterics, as well as calls for which you will later be ashamed, are guaranteed. You are both different people now, and there is no going back to the past. It's time to clear your memory.
Delete your ex's number
Intrusive calls trying to explain yourself will not do anyone any good. It will hurt you, it will be awkward for your ex. Delete the numbers of your ex-lovers immediately after. After a couple of months of silence on the air, you may well no longer want to communicate with the one you once passionately loved.
Rearrange your apartment
After a breakup, girls often want to do something with their appearance: to spite their ex, cut their hair or dye their hair daring pink. Not worth it. Instead, rearrange your apartment or at least your bedroom so that nothing reminds you of lazy people. Sunday mornings in bed. No way to rearrange furniture? Buy a couple of new sets of underwear. A new chapter in life - new bed linen. Guys, this won't hurt you either.
Play some sports
Sports will not only help you tone your body, but also improve your mood due to the production of endorphins. If the pain of breaking up is too strong, sign up and beat the punching bag heartily. Naturally, under the supervision of a trainer.
Don't rush to meet others
Spontaneous sex with strangers has never cured anyone from heartache. It will only get worse. Take your time, take care of yourself, the desire to enter into a relationship will come later. Watch all the movies and shows that your ex-other half didn’t want to watch, go to those places where you didn’t have time to go in your relationship. Consider yourself on a 30-day love detox.
Don't whine on social networks
Don't be so quick to tell the world how much you're hurting. The pain will pass, but the residue and glory of the whiner will remain. Leave vague statuses, tearful poems and other vanilla things for teenagers. You are higher and stronger than this. So be it, you can post one photo. But only the one where you are happy and satisfied with life.
Don't analyze the past
“If I hadn’t started a fight,” “if I had become a blonde,” “if I had come home from work earlier” - you can continue ad infinitum. That's it, the train has left. What had to happen happened. Don't overload yourself and don't analyze the past. The best is yet to come.
How did you cope with breakups? Share in the comments!
