From letters to Samprosvetbyulleten: “The man’s behavior worries me. He treats my cat rather rudely. At first in words, then he began to throw her off the sofa and tries to kick her when she passes by,” writes Marina.
“What behavior in a man indicates that he may be aggressive in the future? The young man got angry that I didn’t want to do as he had planned and threw the car keys on the floor with all my might...” writes Anastasia.
“...having gone through bad experiences in the past, now I’m afraid of making mistakes. “to be sure that he will not raise his hand against me,”- Olga asks.
Aggressive behavior of a man
In my work, I often encounter the phenomenon that women, observing the first manifestations of aggressive behavior on the part of a man, do not attach any significance to what happened. But a man’s behavior does not arise out of nowhere and has its own causes and consequences.
Women who came to me about problems of aggression and violence on the part of their husbands recognized that the man showed signs of aggression before marriage, but they did not pay attention or did not understand what consequences such behavior could lead to. According to my observations, women who were previously married to an alcoholic husband and were subjected to violence and humiliation, and who have developed the attitude “as long as I don’t drink,” are especially vulnerable. Having met a man who is socially more successful and not susceptible to alcoholism, they are more tolerant of his shortcomings, which at first seem insignificant.
According to American researchers, severe aggression and violence occur in 1 out of 14 marriages. Women show aggression mainly in self-defense or when they are forced to do something. Men use aggression to get their way.
Aggression can be open or hidden
Open aggression can manifest itself:
In physical form: blows, attacks, pushes.
In communication: offensive words, nicknames, ironic statements.
In facial expressions and movements: offensive gestures, contemptuous grimace.
In cruelty to children and animals, breaking dishes and other objects.
Hidden aggression can manifest itself:
In actions that emphasize that the interlocutor is not noticed.
In communication: slander, slander; words that cause guilt, ignoring questions.
In facial expressions and movements: avoidance of direct gaze, gloomy facial expression in response to a smile.
Aggression is a sign of limited and one-sided developed personality, insufficiently developed skills for dealing with anger. Often men prone to aggression are depressed, may have personality disorders, irrational thoughts and negative attitudes, have low self-esteem and a strong desire for power.
Even if a person does not show aggression overtly, it colors his speech, thoughts and actions. Therefore, a man capable of aggression and violence can be identified at the dating stage. Even if you meet through, you can recognize the signs of an aggressive man at the stage.
Signs of behavior in a man prone to aggression
- Increased sensitivity and impatience if something does not happen as expected. In this case, a person very easily gets offended or loses his temper.
- Constantly assures you of something and makes promises: "I swear honestly, I’m not exaggerating, I’m telling the truth, I promise.”
- Often gives you and other people definitions and diagnoses: “You only need money,” “my ex was hysterical.”
- Uses threats: “If you don’t do this, then I will do this...”.
- He often makes sarcastic jokes, uses ridicule, ironic statements, and is generally inclined to be sarcastic.
- Likes to gossip, retelling negative information.
- Conducts a dialogue with himself, asks you questions and answers them himself.
- Uses exaggeration and understatement in speech.
- Tends to control: “Why didn’t you answer the SMS right away?”
- Blames other people for his problems.
- Jealous and suspicious without reason.
- Quick to get closer and get married. Research has shown that many men who used domestic violence entered into marriages quickly, impulsively and under the influence of intense romantic infatuation.
- Alcohol and drug abuse.
- There was violence in the parents' family.
Pickiness in dating right choice men are the guarantee happy relationship in future. We always have only those relationships that we choose ourselves. Read about which women attract men who are prone to violence and how to behave with such men.
Good luck to you and see you soon on the pages of Samprosvetbyulleten!
What to do if one of the spouses has a short temper, or, in other words, is angry? How to get along with such a spouse, understand whether anger is justified or not, overcome fear and anxiety in the family, what line of behavior to choose, tell the rector of the shchmch temple. Antipas priest Dimitry Roshchin and clinical psychologist, candidate of psychological sciences Evgenia Zotkina.
- Why does anger arise in a person? Why are some people more susceptible to this than others? Is it about upbringing or chemical processes in the body?
Evgenia Zotkina: First, let's figure out what anger is from a psychological point of view. This is something emotional condition, which implies aggressiveness, bitterness. Anger is especially strong when a person is in a state of passion. Such a reaction may occur in a person if, in the process of activity or communication, events that occur do not coincide with expectations. There is a negative reaction to the inability to get pleasure, frustration, and aggression becomes a reaction to it.
There is open aggression and hidden aggression. In everyday life, people use open forms of aggression, such as anger.
Aggressive people are people, as a rule, with wounded vanity, ambition, who believe that they are underestimated, they were not given something, and they deserve more and better.
There are also hidden forms of aggression:
- defensive-active,
- defensive-passive.
If a child is the idol of the whole family, then he grows up to be a little tyrant. He is used to having his desires always satisfied, and if he receives a refusal, he gets angry and throws a fit - this is an active position.
If a child has been suppressed by parents or society, he cannot splash out his aggression outside and accumulates it inside. Such a person, when he grows up, gives off a vague, inarticulate, unspoken and very painful feeling. Often such a person begins to remember some sad stories, accidents, and there is a sense of negativity in the conversation.
In general, the modern environment and culture are very aggressive, and not only in our country, but throughout the world. Residents of big cities constantly experience frustration; many lack a calm, joyful perception of the world. Now there is a global aestheticization of evil; in our time, evil is the norm.
After all, why are films about cops, bandits, and murders popular? People have a need to watch all these horrors. And when a person cannot correctly regulate his need for aggression, this means that his personality structure is disturbed. Fear is a provocateur of reactions of aggression and anger.
There is a loss of attachment, a feeling of being squeezed out of this world - and anger becomes a kind of deformed defensive reaction, which also manifests itself in sympathy for the aggressors. Many people admire Stalin, Hitler, Pinochet. Worship of aggressors is identification with the aggressor. A person cannot resist some events in life, change some things to some extent due to social factors; a person gets used to his own social helplessness and believes that nothing depends on him.
— What should a husband or wife do if the other half often gets angry?
Evgenia Zotkina: In men, aggression is instrumental, it is used to achieve a goal.
In women, aggression is expressive: she feels bad and starts screaming.
And if one screams and the other endures, then the second partner is a silent accomplice in such a relationship.
Sometimes it happens that spouses will yell at each other in the morning, and in the evening they come home as if nothing had happened - no one is offended, they no longer remember what happened in the morning. If this happens and no one really takes offense at each other, then it’s not scary.
If the dishes in the house don’t break, but the wife constantly mumbles and comments displeasedly about how her husband scattered his things, how he eats, how he sleeps, etc., this is hidden aggression. If a person feels good with his spouse, then they are unlikely to spoil each other’s mood for such insignificant reasons - such couples intuitively protect each other. Constant dissatisfaction with a partner destroys relationships much more than any single emotional shots or outbursts of anger.
A person understands very well where and how he can behave, where he can throw out his anger and where not. If the wife reacts to her husband’s aggressive attacks as unacceptable, and the husband values his wife, he will try not to do that again. A person, in fact, can control a lot. An outburst of anger can be extinguished, or it can be inflated. For example, at work a person cannot show his aggression, but at home he wants to and yells, and you are already a hero. We must always remember that a person behaves the way he is allowed to behave.
Dimitri: First we need to talk about where this passion comes from. Anger is always born of pride. Just as pride is full of lies, so anger is full of lies. (The exception is “righteous anger”). Every passion must be opposed by its opposite virtue.
Since a family is a single whole, if one half of the family is sick with some kind of illness, in this case anger, then the other half must show meekness in a special way, because meekness is the opposite of anger. And thus win, because the fight is for the common good. This, however, applies to any family illness - if one part is sick, the other must fight to maintain health in this particular aspect, because we save each other.
But meekness can be shown for the time being. It all depends on the extent to which a person is willing to endure, on the current situation in the family. If a person is constantly being beaten and is no longer able to endure it, then he should temporarily avoid life together and see what effect it has. If a path to reconciliation is found, go back. And if this condition does not go away, then you need to further decide what to do about it, whether it is possible to stay in the family.
— If a person is aware of his aggression and suffers from it, what can be recommended to him?
Evgenia Zotkina: Stress and anger are very well relieved by physical activity. Anything: walk up and down the stairs, do some squats, do some physical work- and it will become easier.
In general, a healthy person is able to control his emotions. Of course, when a person is angry, deep things happen inside him. inner work, it’s hard, and it’s easier to shout or break something. But it is important to ask yourself a question in time: how much is the person in front of me really to blame for my rage? If a person learns to correctly analyze his emotions, it will be easier for him to cope with them.
Father Dimitri: The main task of a person who is angry is not to let his anger out. Let it rage within him, but a person must literally grit his teeth, bite his tongue and do everything possible to prevent this passion from rising. If he learns to catch these states, then with this exercise he will be able to lower this anger deeper and deeper until it ceases to be born at all. But it's very difficult. You need to be attentive to yourself, make it your task to fight this passion. If a person takes care of himself in one thing, it is absolutely certain that he will take care of himself in everything else.
— If children show signs of temper, how to deal with it?
Evgenia Zotkina: Children become hot-tempered due to a strong information field that overstimulates the child’s psyche. The child’s psyche cannot cope with the incoming barrage of information, while the parents themselves are restless and anxious, and anxiety creates in the child a feeling of an unsafe environment.
There is a crisis in the family and a huge gap between generations. Parents have no time for their children: they get tired at work, come home nervous, and since children are now very active, overexcited, emotional, with increased motor skills, they quickly master gadgets and shooters. The child begins to play murder and understands that all issues can be resolved with the help of force. Children love more the one who plays with them, and since they spend most of their time on the computer, they lose touch with their parents. Dad and mom cease to be role models and authorities; they are replaced by the fruits of mass culture.
To prevent such a situation in the family, parents should devote as much time as possible to their children, talk with them, and answer questions. A child should feel that his home is his fortress, and that no matter what he does, he will always be accepted and supported there. This is the most important thing parents can give their child.
Father Dimitri: Using your power, prohibit the child from entering an aggressive state, stop him, explain that this is wrong - stop all attempts. Isolate, put in a corner - in general, bring to life in accordance with the degree to which anger manifests itself. It seems to me that children who get angry easily have learned this from adults. There may be some exceptions, but, as a rule, the child finds everything within the family. Therefore, you need to look at yourself first.
Ekaterina Vorobyova
Anna Berseneva
Discussion
Anger is quite natural. The question is how to control it. You need to exercise self-control. Love is the key to happiness, but love is not just emotions or feelings. This is a principle of behavior, an inner core that can withstand any difficulties in order to save the family.
Of course, I won’t read it, there’s a clear blizzard there for sure, but I can give advice - beat it. Outbursts of rage are a manifestation of promiscuity. At work, in the presence of superiors, everyone can control themselves. Everyone who is not in a mental hospital, of course.
I don’t understand the screaming, breaking dishes, fighting with a rolling pin at all.
For what?
if there is love, then there should be no desire to fight, and if there is no love, then is it worth living with such a person?
We also disagree about enduring anger inside ourselves with clenched teeth!
Another question is how to pour it out)
Comment on the article "Anger: how to get along with aggressive husband or wife"
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This in itself is unpleasant, not only for those around them who are suddenly plunged into negativity, but also for the aggressors themselves. In fact, among the latter there are not so many clinical scoundrels who derive pleasure from splashing out violent emotions on other people or objects. Normal people are also capable of such outbursts, but they then experience remorse, try to make amends for their guilt and at least try to control themselves. Aggression is especially destructive in men; the reasons may turn out to be so far-fetched and strange that the presence of a problem becomes obvious to all participants in the situation.
Types and types of male aggression
It is worth immediately noting that negative emotions splashing out are not exclusively a male prerogative. Women are just as capable of being aggressors; they do not monitor their actions and words. The paradox is that male aggression is partly considered socially acceptable. Of course, extreme manifestations are condemned, but at the same time there are many justifications for such a phenomenon as aggression in men. The reasons can be very diverse - from competition to a state of health.
There are two main types of aggression that are easily defined even by non-specialists:
- verbal, when negativity is expressed in shouting or openly negative language;
- physical, when there are beatings, destruction, attempted murder.
With auto-aggression, negativity is directed at oneself and manifests itself in all sorts of destructive actions. The motto of this type of aggression is: “Let it be worse for me.”
Psychologists classify what we are considering into several types according to the following criteria: method of manifestation, direction, causes, degrees of expression. Self-diagnosis in this case is practically impossible, since in most cases the aggressor seeks self-justification, does not see and does not want to see the problem, and successfully shifts the blame to others.
Verbal aggression
The external manifestations of this type of aggression are quite expressive. This may include angry screaming, swearing and cursing. They are often supplemented by gestural expression - a man can make offensive or threatening gestures, shake his fist, or swing his arms. In the animal world, males actively use this type of aggression: whoever growls loudest declares himself as the owner of the territory; outright fights come to pass much less often.
However, verbal aggression in men, the reasons for which can lie both in mental health and in social pressure, is not so harmless. It destroys the psyche of those who are forced to live nearby. Children get used to an abnormal pattern of communication and absorb the pattern of their father’s behavior as the norm.
Physical aggression
An extreme form of aggressive behavior, when a person moves from shouting and threats to active physical actions. Now this is not just a threatening fist swing, but a blow. A man is capable of causing serious injuries even to those closest to him, breaking or breaking personal belongings. Man behaves like Godzilla, and destruction becomes his main goal. It can be either a short explosion, literally just one blow, or a long-term nightmare, which is why aggression in men is considered the most dangerous. The reasons given are varied - from “she provoked me” to “I’m a man, I can’t be made angry.”
When wondering how permissible this is, it is best to take the Criminal Code as a guide. It is written there in black and white that infliction of bodily harm of varying degrees of severity, attempted murder and intentional damage to personal property are all crimes.
Features of unmotivated male aggression
Manifestations of rage can be roughly divided into motivated and unmotivated. It is possible to understand and partially justify aggression shown in a state of passion. This is often called "righteous anger." If someone offends this man’s loved ones, encroaches on their life and health, then an aggressive response is at least understandable.
The problem is such attacks of aggression in men, the causes of which cannot be calculated at first glance. What came over him? I was just a normal person, and suddenly they changed me! Witnesses of sudden, unmotivated rage that erupts in any form, verbal or physical, respond something like this. In fact, any action has a reason, explanation or motive, they just don’t always lie on the surface.
Reasons or excuses?
Where is the line between reasons and justifications? An example is the phenomenon of aggression between men and women. The reasons are often the most common attempts to justify oneself, to shift the blame onto the victim: “Why did she stay late after work? She’s probably cheating, she needs to be shown a place!”, “I didn’t have time to serve dinner, I need to teach a lesson” or “Allows herself to show dissatisfaction, provokes aggression."
Behind such behavior there may be personal hatred towards to a certain person, and banal misogyny. If a man seriously considers women to be second-class citizens, then is it any wonder that he receives malicious attacks against them?
However, outbursts of aggression may not occur because the man is simply an evil type. In addition to far-fetched excuses, there are also serious factors that can be identified and eliminated.
Hormonal background
A significant proportion of aggressive manifestations are due to hormonal imbalance. Our emotions are largely determined by the ratio of the main hormones; a deficiency or excess can lead not only to violent outbursts, but also to severe depression, a pathological absence of emotions and severe psychiatric problems.
Testosterone is traditionally considered a hormone not only of sexual desire, but also of aggression. Those who are especially harsh are often referred to as “testosterone males.” Chronic deficiency leads to increased dissatisfaction and makes a person predisposed to negative manifestations. Outbursts of aggression in men, the causes of which lie precisely in hormonal imbalance, must be treated. To do this, tests are taken to measure hormone levels, and the disease that led to the disorders is identified. Symptomatic treatment in this case it brings only partial relief and cannot be considered complete.
Middle age crisis
If such cases have not been observed before, then sudden aggression in a 35-year-old man can most often be associated with the age of maximalism being left behind, and the man begins to weigh whether all the decisions made were really correct, whether it was a mistake. Literally everything comes into question: is this the right family, is this the right woman, is this the right direction in one’s career? Or maybe it was worth going to another institute and then marrying someone else, or not marrying at all?
Doubts and hesitations, an acute sense of missed opportunities - all this weakens the nervous system, reduces the level of tolerance and sociability. It begins to seem that there is still time to change everything in one jerk. Everyone around seems to have conspired and does not understand this emotional impulse. Well, they can be put in their place by force, since they do not understand good. Fortunately, the midlife crisis passes sooner or later. The main thing is to remember that periods of despondency are normal, but this is not a reason to ruin your life.
Retirement depression
The second round of the age crisis overtakes men after retirement. Women most often endure this period easier - a significant part of everyday worries remains with them. But men who are accustomed to their profession as a central part of their life’s plot begin to feel unnecessary and abandoned. Life stopped, the respect of others turned off along with receiving a pension certificate.
Aggression in men over 50 years of age is closely related to attempts to shift responsibility for a failed life onto others. At the same time, objectively, the man who suddenly caught the demon in the rib is all right, but there is a certain dissatisfaction. At the same time, all sorts of health problems, overwork, lack of sleep can be added - all these factors aggravate the situation. Aggressive attacks begin to seem like a natural reaction to everything that happens.
Psychiatry or psychology?
Who should I go to for help - a psychologist or straight to a psychiatrist? Many men are afraid of their aggressive impulses, fearing, not without reason, that they will do something irreparable. And it is very good that they are able to relatively soberly assess their actions and seek help from professionals. Who deals with such a phenomenon as aggression in men? The causes and treatment are in the department of the psychiatrist exactly until he confirms that according to his profile the patient does not have any problems. This is exactly what the correct approach to treatment with such a specialist consists of: you can safely make an appointment without fear that you will be labeled “crazy.” A psychiatrist is first and foremost a doctor, and he first checks whether the patient’s psyche is affected by some completely physical factors: hormones, old injuries, sleep disturbances. The psychiatrist can recommend a good psychologist, if the patient does not have problems that require drug treatment.
The first step to solving the problem
In many ways, the strategy for solving a problem depends on who exactly makes the decision. Aggression in a man... What should a woman do who is next to him, lives in the same house with him, and is raising children together? Yes, of course, you can fight, convince, help, but if the situation develops in such a way that you have to constantly endure assault and risk losing your life, it is better to save yourself and save the children.
The best first step for a man is to admit there is a problem. It’s worth being honest with yourself: aggression is a problem that needs to be dealt with first of all by the aggressor himself, and not by his victims.
Possible consequences of aggression and comprehensive work on oneself
We have to admit that in places of deprivation of liberty there are often prisoners who have precisely this vice - unjustified aggression in men. Reasons require elimination, but excuses have no force or weight. It is worth pulling yourself together, but not relying only on self-control. If outbursts of rage are repeated, then the reason may lie in a hormonal imbalance. This may be overwork, depressive symptoms, as well as social pressure, an unbearable rhythm of life, age-related changes, some chronic diseases. Seeing a doctor is the right step to help you cope with destructive behavior. Separate reasons from excuses, this will help outline the initial plan of action, and soon life will sparkle with new colors.
Have you ever dreamed of starting a relationship with a man who would raise his hand against you, insult you, show anger, etc.? Women usually answer this question in the negative. However, why some of them do not break off relations with their partners when they turn out to be aggressors and tyrants still causes misunderstanding on the part of adequate people. Women do not want to live in unhappiness and troubles, but they continue to maintain relationships that bring them this. What is the psychology of men here?
The women's site says that a man would never allow himself to be insulted and humiliated. Notice how men break off relationships with women if they different ways humiliate and infringe. Why do women endure?
Psychologists refer mainly to the style of raising girls and the mentality of the Russian people, where the female sex must endure bullying and humiliation. They should thus receive the benefit. Although life shows that women living with tyrants and aggressive men often die at their hands or forever remain the most unfortunate and helpless.
If you initially dreamed of being loved and respected, then you should have the courage to break up with a man if you notice signs of aggressive or dominant behavior in him. Don't expect a man to change. He is already an adult and formed person who will not change only at your request.
How to recognize a tyrant or aggressor?
It is impossible to recognize aggressive or despotic traits in a person if you don’t know him well. Unfortunately, a woman will not be able to immediately recognize a tyrant or aggressor. Usually, such men at the beginning of acquaintance are always kind, friendly and the most loving. Sometimes they shower women with gifts, flowers, sing songs, read poems, and even demonstrate jealousy in order to stroke women’s pride.
Almost all women like such gestures. A man does all this just to attract attention and make his partner fall in love with him. As soon as the relationship has begun or even the marriage has been registered, then the man relaxes. He may continue to give the woman gifts or flowers, but often this happens after he has offended, insulted, or even hit her.
Now pleasant moments are made in order to make peace with the woman. The rest of the time, the man minds his own business and pours out his aggressive emotions on the woman.
At first, identifying an aggressor or tyrant is quite difficult, since he understands what this threatens him with. Only over time, when the woman had already fallen in love and created serious relationship, marriage, a man allows his qualities to manifest themselves in full force. What are they?
- Focusing on physical strength as a way to solve any problems. If a man tells you stories about how he beat someone or was beaten for one reason or another, you should pay attention to this. If he was a victim of domestic violence, this is also an indicator of what kind of gentleman he is. If a man often tells stories about how he insulted or hit someone in order to solve a problem in this way, then you should understand that he will solve love/family difficulties in the same way.
- It's all others' fault. An aggressor and a tyrant always blame other people for their troubles. That's why they show their negative emotions on others. Others are to blame, which means they need to be punished.
- Irresponsibility. The category of men in question never takes responsibility. When bad things happen, other people are always the culprit. It was they who provoked such behavior on the part of the man. It should be understood that in a family, a man will blame his wife for everything. He will be an easy-going husband. However, at critical moments he can lash out at his wife, insulting or beating her.
- The desire to break or beat. How does a man behave when he is emotionally stressed? If he resorts to insults, swearing, and humiliation of other people, then it is possible that the same behavior will manifest itself towards a woman. If a man tries to break, beat, or break something, then soon this can spread to the woman.
- Jealousy. Of course, this criterion is not indicative. Not all jealous men are tyrants and aggressors. However, all tyrants and aggressors experience jealousy when their women look at other men or smile at someone.
- The desire to take possession of a woman as quickly as possible. A tyrant or aggressor does not like to delay asking a woman to start a serious relationship with him or register a marriage. He understands that until she is in love with him, no one will tolerate his behavior. But as soon as the woman is ringed, he begins to terrorize her, gradually increasing his pressure on her. A woman will not want to break up with him quickly; she will think for a long time about ending the relationship/marriage. To prevent this from happening, a man is always ready to ask for forgiveness and give his wife something... and then humiliate and beat her again.
- Attitude towards children and animals. Tyrants and aggressors often pour out their negative emotions for the weak - these are children and animals. By the way, this category of men always chooses weak women, which can then be subjugated to your will. Only with such women will aggressors and tyrants be able to build long-term relationships where they will humiliate not only them, but also children and animals.
The aggressor is an immature person
Aggression is a manifestation of an immature personality. If you receive aggression, anger, or hostility from another person, know that you are communicating with an immature person. It is better not to communicate with an immature child than to experience aggression for any reason, because aggressive people get angry for absolutely any reason that does not suit them.
Where does aggression (anger) come from? This is a feeling that arises due to the discrepancy between the actual state of affairs and the desired one. For example, a person wants to buy a red sweater, but he only comes across blue and black sweaters. He is angry at the fact that what he wants does not coincide with what is real. Just imagine how many such situations can happen during the day when a person wants one thing, but his expectations are not met and he gets something else.
The inability to understand that events may not develop according to the scenario that a person has come up with for himself is a manifestation of personal immaturity. This is what leads to aggression, anger and hostility. A person wants everything to happen the way he wants. But here’s the problem: sometimes events don’t develop the way he would like. This leads to anger if a person does not accept the fact that wishes sometimes do not come true.
If children are not yet accustomed to the fact that everything in this world does not obey their desires, then adults already need to understand this. But there are people who, even at 30 and 40 years old, want all their whims to come true, otherwise they will get angry and behave aggressively, as children do. And often this aggression spills out on loved ones.
You should not wait until you find yourself in a trap set by a tyrant/aggressor. It is better to identify the characteristic manifestations of a person at the beginning of acquaintance. For example, create a situation where a man’s desire is not fulfilled (he wants sex, but you don’t give it; he wants to kiss you, but you don’t give it). In other words, destroy the plan that the man has built for you. How will he react to this?
All people show their resentment and anger differently. How a man reacts to your resistance will show you how he will act in the future when you again disagree with him about something.
What motivates a man’s aggression?
Many stories have been told about violent acts by men. A man beats his wife or children. He sexually assaults strange women. He arranges physical showdowns during any quarrel. Where does so much aggression come from in the stronger sex?
Scientists conducted a study which found that the less masculine a man considers himself, the more aggressive he becomes. Uncertainty about one’s own masculinity leads to the desire to prove its presence through physically aggressive actions.
It is believed that a man is a strong being. His muscle mass exceeds that of a woman. He is stronger than a woman in terms of his physical parameters. Accordingly, men believe that their own belonging to stronger sex they must prove it through force. That is why they are fond of various strength training activities and resort to strength whenever possible. A man demonstrates his masculinity through force - this is what representatives of the stronger sex believe, constantly resorting to forceful actions.
Does a man's physical strength define him? Yes, it does. But the less confident a man is, the more disgusting manifestations of his strength he resorts to. He beats those who are weaker than him - how courageous is that? Someone who cannot stand up for himself is of interest to a person who does not consider himself courageous. This can be seen in comparison with other men who are confident in their masculinity and never attack weaker and defenseless people.
What to do with the aggressor?
Does your loved one criticize you? It is not uncommon to find situations within a family where people treat each other as if they were their worst enemies. Children suffer humiliation from their parents. Spouses insult each other. This creates the atmosphere in relationships that causes many families to break up and children to run away from their own parents. What to do if you are in a relationship with an abuser?
In order not to react to the words of your family and loved ones, you should separate from them. Separation occurs at all levels where you are connected to them. It could be emotional dependence, especially when it comes to a married couple. It could be a monetary dependency. Sometimes children are very dependent on their parents financially.
You should understand that it is this addiction that causes you to suffer and be upset because of the behavior loved one. And your aggressor takes advantage of the fact that you depend on him for something, and therefore does not stop his attacks.
In a relationship where one of the partners resorts to insults and humiliation, it is impossible to change the situation until the second partner is ready to break the union. As long as you are afraid, try to prove something, defend your opinion, but feel your own powerlessness, the situation will not change. Only one thing can help here: your separation from the aggressor. If you depend on your spouse to provide you with money, you should start earning money yourself. In what you depend on, you need to find another source of obtaining this benefit. By doing this, you will show that if the aggressor continues to treat you poorly, you will break up with him because you are independent of him.
As long as you depend on your aggressor, he can do whatever he wants to you. Let's take an example from the work world, where subordinates may suffer bullying from their boss. Subordinates depend on the boss, who pays them money. But if subordinates find another job where they earn the same and even more money, then the boss, who has lost qualified workers, will reconsider his behavior.
Bottom line
While you are dependent, the aggressor takes advantage of your helplessness and does whatever he wants. But when you show that you can live without him, then he is able to reconsider his behavior towards you. And other methods, such as persuasion, conversations, contracts, will not help in the end. This will only give a temporary effect, which will quickly turn into further humiliation and insults directed at you.
Any woman can begin, without knowing it, to build a relationship with an extremely aggressive man who is prone to assault and even violence. The fact is that the true character of a man becomes clear to a woman only after a long period of meetings, and in many cases only after a serious relationship has begun with him. However, in any case, it is always better to predict in advance the possible behavior of your chosen one, before the relationship crosses a certain line. There are a number of signs by which you can early stages acquaintance or relationship with a man, recognize aggressive traits and a tendency towards violence in his personality.
Women should study such signs as carefully as possible in order to be able to protect themselves, as well as their family.
The first alarming “bell” indicating a man’s possible propensity for violence is his fascinating stories about numerous fights with his direct participation. A man may tell you how often he was beaten as a child. Perhaps he will tell you that his parents often punished him with a belt, or he himself often became an active initiator of fights and other showdowns. According to statistics, about thirty percent of children to whom their parents used mainly physical forms of punishment subsequently adult life turn into avid fighters. At the same time, they do not tend to feel guilty.
Many of these people generally shift all the blame and responsibility onto those to whom they apply physical violence. There is, of course, a small percentage of men who have realized the need to correct their behavior. However, it can be extremely difficult to improve in this regard on your own. It is hardly possible to do without the help of a specialist here. In most cases, physical violence is incurable. Therefore, it is better not to start a relationship with such a person at all than to waste time trying to correct him.
The second sign of a tendency toward aggression is a moment in a man’s behavior when he begins to throw and break objects nearby. If a man, being in a state of anger or passion, begins to scatter, throw, throw or hit surrounding objects, this means that he lacks the ability to self-control. Such a person cannot keep feelings and negative emotions to himself. This is fraught with the fact that at one moment, in a fit of rage, it will spread to people instead of objects and things. At the same time, it will not matter to him which of the people will be at his fingertips. A sign of aggression in a man can be obvious threats about the possibility of using violence. If one of the people begins to openly threaten you, then you should never let it happen.
You definitely need to think carefully. Indeed, in this way, aggressive individuals begin to blackmail people who act as victims for them. Having deprived the victim of self-esteem, the aggressive person begins to control the situation and dictate his terms. At the same time, one should not expect an aggressive man to stop threats of his own free will. In most cases, threats only foreshadow immediate physical violence. A sign of a tendency towards the latter can be constant control and isolation. If a man constantly tries to control a woman’s relationships, behavior and life in general, then this sure sign presence of aggressive qualities in a man. Control can be expressed in the fact that a man does not allow a woman to communicate with her friends, does not let her go out alone, and tries in every possible way to isolate her from the rest of society. As a rule, at the beginning of a relationship with a woman, an aggressive man tries to devote maximum time to her. Gradually, with various arguments, he tries to persuade her to quit her job or stop studying so that the woman can always stay at home with him. Later, the man will definitely take control of all the woman’s expenses. At the same time, he will often ask questions about what exactly the woman spent the money on. All this is often accompanied by checking messages and calls on the woman’s phone or email. Many women explain this control by a feeling of jealousy in a man.
However, jealousy hides deeper roots that have nothing to do with it. And it is precisely these roots that serve as a manifestation of possible initial and actual violence in the future. Of course, if a man is simply jealous of the woman he loves, then this cannot in all cases mean that he is prone to assault. You need to think carefully if a man begins to demonstrate jealousy for no reason. This can be expressed in a man’s constant interest in where and with whom the woman is.
At the same time, attacks of rage in such a man can occur even when a woman simply said hello to one of the men she knows. Already behind jealousy and other unkind manifestations, as a rule, an aggressive man turns to insults. Rudeness, harsh remarks, and overt insults are also signs of violent behavior. Even when a man makes his comments or reproaches as a joke, you need to think carefully and be wary. At their core, insults foreshadow or even directly begin a hidden form of aggression. At the same time, a man may try to somehow humiliate a woman’s family, her friends, as well as her feelings, emotions or interests. All this can greatly undermine a woman’s self-confidence.
This is exactly what an aggressive man seeks in order to get a woman into his complete power. Another sign of an aggressive man may be the use of physical strength and rudeness during his argument with the woman. If, during a conversation or argument with you, your man clearly begins to dislike something, and at the same time he begins to grab you by the shoulders, arms, neck, shake, push, close doors in front of you or not allow you passage, then he will not be limited. In the near future, this could all develop into very cruel actions towards you. An aggressive man can also be recognized by the fact that he tries to blame other people for his own failures. Naturally aggressive people love to look for the cause of their own mistakes in someone else, but at the same time they do not take their own shortcomings into account. Also, aggressive people are not inclined to take responsibility for their words or actions. If you directly tell such a man that he is very aggressive, then in response you can hear that it was you who caused his aggressive behavior and thereby pissed him off. When breaking up with such a man, be sure that he will not speak flatteringly about you, but at the same time he will try to present himself exclusively in a favorable light.
A man’s aggression can be shown towards animals, as well as children. If a man applies physical violence to creatures that are initially unable to fight back, then this directly indicates the beginnings of cruelty in him. Aggressive men by nature are not capable of having true love for either animals or children. And if a man has already begun to use assault or violence against a woman, then with almost one hundred percent probability he will do the same to her children. Often, aggression in a man is provoked by excessive use of drugs or drugs classified as psychotropic. Alcohol and drugs become faithful companions of aggressive and violent individuals. However, as a result of the use of such substances, a person at certain moments ceases to think adequately, as well as to objectively perceive the situation. Therefore, communication with such individuals should be very moderate and extremely careful. You can expect absolutely anything from them. Often a sign possible aggression there is a rush in behavior. People prone to violence and cruelty are not able to wait long and patiently for the realization of their own goals.
Such men do not like to look after the woman they like for a long time. They prefer things to happen quickly. Therefore, you can often hear from such a man a sudden proposal for marriage or for the early birth of children. In this way, the man hopes to subjugate the woman as completely as possible. At the same time, he does not leave the woman time to think or doubt. A prerequisite for aggressive behavior A man may become constantly touchy. Those people who tend to be offended by comments addressed to them are in constant readiness to fight. Because of their own low self-esteem, such men will definitely blame the woman for all troubles. If a man is aggressive by nature, then he will demonstrate similar signs in behavior from the first moments of acquaintance.
However, at first, such men try to explain their control, passing it off as love or care. But the disastrous consequences will make themselves felt very soon. This usually happens when a woman is no longer able to take any action on her own without a man. If the situation has reached such a point, then this is already an extreme degree. If the behavior of the man you are dating displays more than three of the previously described signs, then we can safely say that he is a potential criminal. It is sometimes extremely difficult for women to break off a relationship with such a man, especially if she loves him very much. But a further relationship with such a person can become dangerous for the woman herself, so it is imperative to prepare for a break in the relationship.
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| OlgaS 23.06 14:40 |
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I agree with much of the article. Men who are aggressive towards women, children, and animals are, as a rule, big losers in life, do not have large muscles, and have a penchant for alcohol or other types of stress relief. I had to deal with such things in my life. The habit of throwing objects around or throwing a phone at a wall gives them away completely. It’s a pity for women who continue to endure bullying, give birth to children from them and, covering up foundation bruises, trying with all their might to save the family, saying the stupidest phrase “the child needs a father.” I know for sure, from myself, that it makes no sense to forgive even someone who has hit you once, no matter how much he is on his knees and begging, to forgive him is to commit a crime against yourself and your children, because history will definitely repeat itself. For him, the fact of beating as a way of proving that he is right turns out to be acceptable, on some subconscious level. |
