How to find your man - advice from a psychologist. The best ways to find your soulmate. Where can a girl find a good and serious, as well as smart guy for a serious relationship?

IN modern world people relate to non-standard relationships tolerant. If 10 years ago the relationship between two young people of the same sex caused a shock, today this will not surprise anyone. And what to hide, such couples have existed at all times. It’s just that nowadays, with open access to the media and the absence of censorship as such in many areas of life, people of non-traditional orientation do not hide, but show their feelings more openly and liberated.

But regardless of orientation, gender and time, the issue of meeting and finding your other half is always relevant. But answering it for most people is still a little easier than, for example, deciding where. This is exactly what we will try to find out in this article.

What attracts men to each other?

First of all, it is important to note that same-sex relationships are not a perversion, but a feature of a particular person. Some scientists even argue that a change in attraction to opposite sex is laid in utero. And if some disruption occurs in the development of the fetus and the center of attraction is affected, the orientation changes to same-sex.

We can say that sympathy between guys is determined by nature. They are attracted to each other on a physiological level.

But, of course, there are other reasons why this or that young man likes guys:

• Socio-psychological factors. Namely, the role of the family in establishing interests in a particular gender, as well as the direction of family education.
• Behavioral aspects. Most often this is a bad experience with a partner of the opposite sex.

How can a guy attract the guy he likes?

As in any relationship, attraction between guys can come suddenly, or perhaps appear after a fairly long period of time. And just as in standard relationships, some young people prefer to hope for a miracle. And others do not sit idly by, actively moving towards their goal, solving the problem: “Where can I find a handsome guy?”

In order to attract an object that evokes sympathy, you first need to look presentable. After all, no matter what, people are always greeted by their clothes. Stylish clothes, fashion footwear, hair styling, well-groomed face and manicure will definitely attract attention.

And after that you can turn on all your charm and wit. A sense of humor and some non-standard knowledge will help intrigue even the most seemingly unapproachable guy.

It remains to solve the main problem - where to find a guy for a guy. Let's look at the most popular options.

Standard places for dating

• Specialized clubs for gays. In any, even the smallest town, you can find establishments that are focused only on the male contingent and their goal is precisely to solve the question: where to find a gay guy.
• Search among friends, at friendly parties. Often guys don't stand out at all from other people. Thus, communicating in noisy company, there is a high probability that one of the handsome men will be exactly the man that a young gay man needs.
• At swingers' parties. Specially organized events for meetings and acquaintances of people of non-traditional sexual orientation. They usually take place in country clubs, private apartments, and saunas. It is worth noting that most often people who come to such meetings are looking for If you are in the mood for a serious, long-term relationship, it is better to look more carefully. Perhaps even in unusual places.

Unusual places for dating

When wondering where to find a guy, the places discussed above give a pretty good guarantee of finding the guy of your dreams. But if, after visiting specialized meetings and events, the gay prince has not yet been found, then you should approach the task outside the box.

First, you should determine what similar interests and hobbies a potential partner might have. If this is painting, then it is worth attending various exhibitions and master classes. If this is literature, then you can try going to a literary club or to a creative meeting of an author. Especially if the author writes on topics that can attract people with non-traditional orientation.

Don't forget about sports. It's no secret that gay guys for the most part take care of their bodies, and for this they attend the gym, swimming pool, sporting events and various courses.

The only thing that should be taken into account when meeting people in unusual places is that recognizing a gay person is much more difficult than, for example, in a specialized establishment where everything is known. But the likelihood of a long-term, permanent relationship after meeting in a non-standard place is much higher.

Online dating

Nowadays, probably one of the simplest and available ways where you can find a guy is the Internet. Every user, even the most insecure, is fully capable of taking advantage of this opportunity.

Where to look?

1. First of all, you need to turn to search engines - they will help you find specialized dating sites. There are places to look for different relationships - only intimate, long-term and even friendly.
2. A large number of gays actively use social networks. Often their profiles are open and can also be found in groups a large number of gay dating ads.
3. Forums, chats, websites and even blogs will help a guy find a guy.
4. Recently, dating apps for smartphones have become popular. They are easy to use and very functional.

The Internet especially helps modest, shy or insecure young men who are looking for a boyfriend. It gives you the opportunity to open up and get to know each other before meeting. But there is also a danger of stumbling upon deception. For safe dating and communication on the Internet, it is better to use Skype or video chat.

Continuation of acquaintance

After the question of where to find has been resolved and a partner has been found, you can move on to the next stage - continuing the acquaintance.

• First meeting and first date. This stage is very important, since it is the first impression that will be the foundation for the further development of the relationship. Naturally, there is a need for dates if this is the format of the relationship. For a meeting, you can choose a closed terrace of a restaurant, the last screening of a movie, or just a walk around the city. It all depends on the mood and imagination of the partners.
• Instead of a standard date, healthy rendezvous is quite suitable. Based on the options described above, where to find nice guy, you can choose a swimming pool or a gym. It’s worth continuing acquaintance and communication there. Among other things, it is useful and interesting.
• The transition to a stage of closer relationships is decided by each gay couple individually. There is an opinion that gay male couples are only interested in sex, especially hard sex. This opinion is mostly wrong and in fact, many couples do without rough intimate relationships.

1. Stability. Having decided to meet a guy and having decided where to find a guy, the main thing is not to deviate from your goal. Systematically and purposefully visit sites, parties and places where you can meet your destiny.
2. Honesty. When dating a guy in any way, it is important to honestly voice your goals. And also, you shouldn’t embellish information about yourself too much because, as you know, the secret always becomes clear.
3. Soulfulness. Sparkling phrases funny stories from life, undoubtedly, they attract and attract the future chosen one.

No matter how or where a guy meets a guy, it must be a bright, memorable event. And even if the acquaintance does not continue, the meeting and communication itself should leave only pleasant memories.

Most people have seen the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. However, not all girls are so confident in themselves that they can only afford to get rid of guys. For the most part, spaces are the opposite: how find a guy in 10 days. Considering modesty and indifference modern men, this will be quite difficult to do. If you do not follow the recommendations below. With their help, even the most modest girl can achieve success in finding the ideal. And then she can decide for herself whether it’s worth getting rid of such a treasure.

1. Exchange contacts

Not worth seeing at a party or any other place the right guy sit and secretly lust after him. This is not the best way find a guy. If it doesn’t come into play, then you can try to do it yourself. Unfortunately, many people think that giving compliments is for men. However, a girl is quite capable of approaching a young man and making a flattering remark about him. This will be the first step. Well, then you can, as if in a hurry, exchange phone numbers, or email, etc. with him.

2. Contact

Once the exchange of contacts has taken place, you should not stop there. Most likely, if a man is interested, he will call himself. And if not, then you can risk doing it yourself. Find a guy For telephone conversations- that's not the point. You definitely need to provoke a meeting with him. And this will be the third step. If a man himself does not dare to do so, then you can give him a hint, even if it is clumsy.

3. Restraint

After you have achieved small results, you need to stop rushing ahead of the locomotive. It is worth showing femininity and girlish modesty. This will amount to good opinion about a girl and will not provoke her, like a helpless seeker of consolation in the arms of the first person she meets. After all, it is required find a guy worth it.

4. Cat and mouse

This is a kind of flirting and an attempt to lure a guy into a mousetrap. When he calls, you shouldn’t pick up immediately from the first ring. It's better to take your time a little. He should not think that the girl is sitting hugging the phone and waiting for his call. Therefore, it is worth waiting a little, the result will not fail to appear.

5. Direct communication

If a guy doesn't mind talking, you shouldn't trust it to an insensitive machine, i.e. computer, but it’s better to meet him face to face. And this is where you can show yourself to the fullest. The outfit should not be too provocative or compromising. Clothing should be, first of all, comfortable, but not devoid of sexuality. As for the meeting place, it should also not be too binding. It is much more important to simply get to know the person better, to realize that a spark has run between the two. And only then decide: is the new gentleman worth further action and effort or is it better to remain friends.

6. The Inevitable Kiss

Sooner or later it will happen - the first kiss. Both are nervous, no one wants to hear or feel a refusal, and therefore you should not get into trouble and be the first to ask for a kiss. No matter how relaxed a man is, there still remains a drop of embarrassment and doubt in him. And if he is serious, then the kiss may not happen. If there is no chemistry, then you can only be glad that only a few days were spent on it, and not months or even years.

7. Waiting

Under no circumstances should you have sex on the first date. This is a road to nowhere. If he learns everything at once, then he will not simply have a desire to get to know the girl better. Therefore, one of the secrets of how to find a guy in 10 days is to keep him at a distance. Sooner or later, this will happen. And it’s better if it happens later than right away, a few hours after meeting. Moreover, sex is too obligatory.

Single girls often want to find personal happiness as quickly as possible, and often this rush leads to big mistakes. How to find a truly worthy guy and finally become happy?

How, where and why you can find a guy at 10-11-12-13-14 years old

For friendship you can meet in your yard Surely there are young men in your yard or on the street whom you have noticed since childhood and for whom you feel sympathy. Try to get acquainted with any of them, it is possible that you have more in common than you might think, and you will really be interested in spending time together. In addition, it is important to note that living close to each other is also a definite plus in your case. To share a common hobby, look for a guy in special circles At this age, girls often want to find a guy simply to share their interests. If you have any interesting hobby, then sign up for the appropriate club, where, most likely, you will be able to meet a young man who is interested in the same thing as you - make sure in advance that the group is diverse. Or you can become interested in truly “boyish” hobbies - wrestling, fishing, playing the guitar and much more. With such hobbies, you increase the chance of finding a guy in special circles. Also, some of them are probably present in the corresponding communities and social network groups. For spending time together at summer camp Many girls, remembering their first love or crush, admit that they met her at a summer camp. It is possible that the same story will happen to you. Summer is a wonderful time for relaxation and new acquaintances! however, do not forget about the risks - if you live with a guy in different cities, then it is possible that after you leave the camp it will be difficult for you to maintain contact. For learning and camaraderie – at school Perhaps the easiest way to find a boyfriend for a teenage girl is at the school where she studies. As a rule, people of this age spend most of their time, outside of home, within the walls of an educational institution, and it is there that they meet and communicate with peers and older children. Surely, you have a certain student in mind with whom you would like to be friends and spend time - it is possible that he also has sympathy for you! By finding a guy at school, you can find a reliable friend and help each other in your studies.

It's time for your first relationship: how to find a guy at 16-17-18 years old

Often, girls have their first serious relationships at this age. So, where can you meet a potential boyfriend during this period?

You can find a good guy among your friends

If you start communicating with any company, or you already have one in your life, then this is a good chance to find a good guy there or do this with the help of one of your friends. In addition, in many companies new faces periodically appear, and among new comrades you always have a chance to find someone for the first Serious relationships. At this age, girlfriends and friends often try to “pair” each other with potential lovers - ask your friends if they have a suitable one in mind young man for you. It would also be useful to pay attention to the boys who are already among your friends - it is possible that one of them really likes you, and the two of you really have a chance for a happy relationship.

You can meet a young man online on VK

It is worth recognizing that nowadays fewer and fewer guys and girls are finding a soul mate by meeting in companies, on the street, at concerts or in educational institutions. In this time of high technology, many guys are looking for potential lovers on the World Wide Web. Surely, among your friends there are couples who have formed precisely thanks to the Internet. Of course, you can also try to find your soulmate through VK. Perhaps such a guy is on the list of friends of people with whom you communicate online. Although you can find a young man without mutual acquaintances, just enter into the search the city of residence and the approximate age of the guy with whom you would start a relationship. In the list you have determined, you will most likely be able to find several young men with whom you would like to meet. What is good about this method - dating through VK? The main advantages are that you have the opportunity to take a closer look at the object of your sympathy, using photos and recordings to find out what he is interested in, what kind of people he communicates with, and much more. If you find a guy who has been maintaining his profile for a long time, communicates on the page with many friends and posts a lot of photos from his real life- it will be much safer than meeting people on the street. In addition, you will initially be able to identify the qualities that do not suit you in a young man, and not waste your time on him.

All in pairs: I want to quickly find a boyfriend, but I can’t figure out what to do

The more you focus on such a thought, the higher the likelihood that you will end up dating a young man who is completely unsuitable for you. Such stories happen precisely when a girl tries to find personal happiness as soon as possible, to find a boyfriend - in the end she is ready to start a relationship with almost the first person she meets. Your desire to love and be loved is quite understandable, but excessive haste in this matter can only do harm . Try to distract yourself from the goal of finding your lover for a while and concentrate on something else. Thus, you can get more pleasant “bonuses” than you might think. So what could it be?

How to meet a young man for a serious relationship in your 20s and 30s

In general, 20-30 years is a great age to find personal happiness and start a family! If you are single now, this is not a reason for despair at all - you still have enough time to thoughtfully approach the choice of a partner and find a person who will really suit you.

Where to find a guy if you don't go anywhere

It is quite problematic for a girl who almost never goes anywhere to meet a worthy young man. In your situation, the most acceptable option is to start visiting crowded places, or take advantage of the great opportunities of the World Wide Web. In the first case, we can talk about various exhibitions, concerts, art cafes, gyms, computer or language courses, sports dances, shooting clubs and other places where you can meet a lot of people. In the second case, we mean communication in various interest groups or just dating sites. A much larger number of men are looking for their “soul mate” than you can imagine, and it is possible that you can meet one of them on a dating site! Many women note that on such sites there are often “instances” who are only interested in fleeting sex or who simply behave inappropriately. In fact, all these people are present in real life - you just need to be thoughtful in choosing who to correspond with. Try not to delay virtual communication, offer to call or chat on Skype - such communication will tell you more about a person than his words on the monitor screen. If he has a single and rather unclear photo on his profile, don’t hesitate to ask for another photo of him. It is also important not to delay a personal meeting unless there are compelling reasons for this - a few days of communication are quite enough, after which you should move on to making arrangements for a date. If a guy doesn’t show interest or desire for this topic, stop communicating with him, explaining that you don’t always have time for correspondence and you are more interested in “live” communication. In general, you have a chance to meet such a guy almost anywhere, but if you want to increase your chances, then give preference to expensive and elite places. It is possible that you will have to spend a significant amount of money on visiting such places, but if your goal is a wealthy young man, then you will still have to go for it. We can talk about expensive sports clubs, the subscription to which costs significantly above average. You can also pay attention to expensive nightclubs and various elite establishments that “everyone” doesn’t go to. Of course, in such places you have a high chance of meeting exactly the guy you dream of.

If you're fat or unattractive

If you seem unattractive to yourself and suffer from excess weight, then you have two options - wait to meet a guy for whom you will become the ideal of beauty, or start improving your appearance! Yes, reset excess weight not easy, but not impossible. First of all, we recommend that you pay attention to motivating groups on VK (for example, “90-60-90”, “40 kg”, etc.), in which participants share their weight loss stories - you will see thousands of similar stories. Pay special attention to photo albums called “Before and After.” Surely, you will be surprised by the transformations of many girls, and you will see exactly what needs to be done to achieve an impressive result. However, if you do not use social networks, read the relevant articles on the Internet - you can also find many useful recommendations there. If you consider yourself unattractive, identify your “weaknesses” and instead of lamenting them, set about correcting them! You can find a lot of advice on skin care, hair care, and more on the Internet. Almost any girl can make herself attractive if she really wants to! Once upon a time, one recognized cinema beauty said: “It’s hard to be beautiful if you’re lazy.” Think about these words, maybe they have something to do with you?

Meet the new guys. Before you start dating a guy, you need to get to know him. You can try starting a relationship with someone you already know, or go out and meet new people. It's easy and fun, so don't be nervous! But you should be careful with new acquaintances - what if they are hiding something or deceiving you?

• Join some club, community or section. You can play your favorite sport, take art lessons, or join a research group. Find something you enjoy and you'll have the opportunity to meet people with whom you have a lot in common and have a lot to talk about.
• Go to clubs (this can be for adults or all ages, depending on what you like) and start talking to new people. Just be careful and use common sense.
• Find a group online that you like. This could be a fan forum for a show or famous person, or maybe a multiplayer video game that you like. However, be careful not to give your personal information to anyone you don't know.

1. Get to know each other better. Once you've met someone, get to know them better before getting into a relationship. After all, you can't judge a person just by their appearance! Try to assess before the date whether the guy meets your minimum requirements.

   • He's funny? Smart? Pleasant to talk to? Decide what is important to you and whether he has those qualities during your first conversation. If he doesn’t fit any of the requirements, then you shouldn’t even start a relationship with him, even if he looks very sexy.

2. Make sure he doesn't have anyone. If he already has a girlfriend, it is better to give up on him and look further. Think about how she might feel when she finds out that she's not his only one. Therefore, do not do to others what you would not want done to you.

   Find out what other people think about him. Ask around what he is. If it seems to his friends, especially girlfriends, that he really wants to have a relationship, then this good sign. Ask your mutual friends what they think of him, and try to get to know his friends and co-workers.

   Building friendship

   1. Do not hurry. Don't rush your new friend, but remember that if he doesn't like you for who you are, then it's not worth wasting your time trying to win his affection. Find a person who will be your friend first. Don't expect him to become your boyfriend right away - give him time to get to know you better. First, start spending time together, communicate, first from time to time, then you can try to meet more often. Give each other space. Usually, if you feel very good and have fun together, then your friendship will grow into something more. Try not to be too intrusive: you shouldn’t decide after a week of communication whether he is worthy of becoming your husband in the future.

      Show him that you are not like everyone else. Just remember to be yourself better when you talk to him. It is extremely important to show that you are different from everyone else, this will help you stand out from the crowd. Don't be just another person in the crowd, don't amplify it all negative thoughts about girls. You shouldn't be another one falling for his looks. Be personality, fun and exciting! Don't rush things, let him get to know you.

      Don't close yourself off, don't position yourself as an unapproachable girl. Take some time to spend with him and let him know that you really want to communicate with him. Smile and look him in the eyes. Don't get angry or bully him. IN otherwise he will decide that you are against any relationship.

      • Tell him there is an extra seat near you and he might want to join you for lunch.
      • Smile and wave when you look at each other across the room or chat with friends.
      • Be kind to others too. Show him that you are the kind of person that anyone can approach and talk to. Treat others kindly, praise them, don't be rude, and show in every way that you won't bite his head off if he tries to talk to you.

   2. Talk to him. It is very important to interact with him frequently. Talk to him when you meet him by chance, find a reason to talk to each other more often. The more you talk, the closer you become. This is a great way to build a friendship that can grow into something more.

      Be a good friend. Since you have already become friends, then be a good friend. Support him and have fun. Become someone he can trust and admire. Most guys tend to ask out girls with whom they have a lot in common. If you will be good friends, it will be easier for him to communicate with you, and he may want to communicate with you even more often.

      Get to know each other better. Find out what he is like as a person. You don't have to like everything about it, but what you don't like about it shouldn't be too critical. You cannot change him, so it is very important to accept him as he is.

      • Conversations about politics, religion, childhood and family, school years, as well as hopes for the future, will tell you a lot about what kind of person he is. But be careful. When touching on things like politics and religion, you can become rude. Let him know that you are interested in his personal life, but you don't want to pry into something he doesn't want you to go into.

   3. See if you have anything in common. It's good if you both like the same things (so you have something to talk about), but it's also good to have some differences (so you can compete with each other and broaden your horizons). Talk to him and find out what you have in common.

      Determine its status. Try to gauge whether he is open to relationships in general. Maybe he already likes someone. Maybe he recently went through a breakup and doesn't want any dating at the moment. It is necessary to respect him and his feelings. Don't be overly clingy if he's not in the mood for a relationship.

      • It may be difficult for you to get this kind of information without asking him about it. Try to beat around the bush, ask leading questions. By the way, his close friends may have this information. They may even be willing to help if they like you and want to set you up.
      • Be sure not to get stuck in the friend zone if you want to date him, but remember that guy friends are great friends too!
      • It is important to flirt with the guys you are interested. Don't flirt with every guy because then you will develop a bad reputation. It's important to flirt with guys who interest you. But don't flirt with every guy, it will develop a bad reputation.

   Make him fall in love with you

   1. Emphasize its advantages. Everyone wants to be with someone who makes them better. He makes us feel good and reassures us that we can be good people, if we try to be so. Make him believe in himself, encourage him in all his endeavors.

      • Remember: don't be condescending, remove unnecessary advice and help, and don't try to adjust it to yourself. Help him become better, help him change in better side, but do not turn him into an ideal partner for your beloved.

   2. Help him improve. Don't criticize him if he does something bad or wrong. This will make him feel terrible. Instead, show how it should be done. You can, of course, tell him that you don't like something, but don't do it out of meanness, and don't forget to help him find a way to do it better.

      • If he has bad grades and is behind in school, take the time to tutor him on topics that you know better than he does. Don't do his work for him, but at the same time try to help him realize that he can do everything himself.
      • If he is depressed and can't find a job, help him look for one. Offer to go with him to an appointment or resume interview, and talk to him about things that can help him enjoy his job more. Help him find a job that he will enjoy every day.
      • It is especially important not to criticize him publicly or in front of his friends or family.

   3. Become a better person yourself. Show him what you are becoming the best person, communicating with him. Once you start getting better, he will start doing the same. Do things that you enjoy and make him feel like he is part of your life. Ask him for advice on how to change those things about yourself that you don't like.

      Show your independence. Show him that you are mentally and physically independent. You don't need him constantly, every minute (although he should feel like he can help you sometimes), and that you have a mind of your own. This will make you an independent, developed and interesting person in his eyes. After all, he wants a girl, not an inflatable doll without a brain.

      • Don't be afraid to be completely honest about your likes and dislikes. Let him know how you feel about the issues rather than just agreeing to everything he says.

   4. Encourage his independence. Don't make him feel like he has to spend all his time with you. Don't make him the person you need to spend the weekend or Friday night with. Encourage him to do things he loves: let him spend time with his friends so you can spend time with yours.

      • One of the reasons many guys avoid relationships is because they think the relationship will keep them from doing the things they love. Show him that with you it's the other way around.

   5. Be yourself. Otherwise, how will you know whether he loves you or a fictional image? If you pretend to be someone you are not, then you will feel uncomfortable around him. This, in turn, will affect your communication with him, and in the end it will be difficult for you to maintain any kind of relationship.

   Take a step

   Making communication easier in the future

   Be a good partner. Be someone who is fun to date. If you are known as someone who is good to date, you will have a much easier time finding a guy in the future. Be cheerful, active and pleasant in communication. Become a person who is pleasant to be around.

   1. Adviсe
      • Don't talk about other girls with him, guys hate it. This will bore him and even make him angry.
      • Romantic relationships happen only when a girl is honest and also caring and considerate towards her boyfriend. They want to be a reliable support for you and expect the same from you.
      • Remember that all boys are different, so choose the one who has a good character and who can make you happy. These are usually good, calm guys who make the best boyfriends. Since they don't have much luck with girls, they really appreciate the one who gave them a chance.
      • When you tell him that you like him, remember to be positive. He can either reciprocate your feelings or not. The best way to find out how he feels is to look not at what he says, but at what he does. If he constantly strives to be with you, then he definitely likes you. If he ignores you, don't call him, even if he says he's crazy about you. He may like you as a person, but he has no desire to be with you.
      • If you are still a student, studying at school and you have common lessons/pairs, invite him to do homework together. The more time you spend alone, the better.
      • If you think you love him, but you're not comfortable with him, then you need to take a closer look at your feelings.
      • When you are talking to him and he talks to you about things that you don't understand, try changing the topic to something that you both know, it will be fun and interesting.
      • Don't go ahead; give him time and space to decide what he really wants. If he doesn't want to go on a date right away, don't force him. He will offer it himself when he is ready.
      • Just have fun with him and be yourself!
      • Don't try to make your boyfriend jealous all the time. This weakens trust and strains relationships. In almost all cases, this pushes the partner away.

      Warnings

      • If you realize that he is trying to make another girl jealous, then dating him is a waste of time.
      • Don't let it get you down. If he is trying to change you, break up with him. He obviously doesn't value what he has.
      • Don't put pressure into relationships. If he threatens or forces you to do something you don't want to do, then that's the end of your relationship. Nobody has the right to force you to do anything.
      • Don't ask someone out on a date just to show off your courage; when the truth comes out, he will be in great pain.
      • Do not create the impression of a tenacious and dependent person, otherwise they will very soon want to get rid of you. Make sure this doesn't happen, make a huge number of friends and change your attitude towards people.
      • Never communicate with other guys who may end up sending you messages that your boyfriend doesn't like.
      • Don't be upset if you don't succeed with one. There are a lot of good guys around that you could start a relationship with.
      • Don't act arrogant, otherwise he won't like you. You may see other girls acting like this. But even if someone likes them, it is most likely solely because of their appearance.
      • If you have something you'd like to share with him, but you're afraid he'll react badly, write a note and put it in his wallet, or something similar.

Friends, this is not an article of an applied nature. There are no specifics here and step by step instructions how to find happiness. The article is the author’s reflections without any claim to originality or genius. Low expectations are the key to restful sleep. :)

Introduction

My friends are divided into two camps: while some are willing to share their experience and give wise advice about how to get married, others sigh that there are no normal men left in this world.

You know, if I personally didn’t know these thoroughly beautiful girls from a group of disappointed people, I could safely assume that they overpriced themselves or did not leave a chance for normal guys. But it seems that the matter is different.

Maybe some girls just tend to notice the wrong men? We fall in love with the wrong people, and then we ourselves suffer and cry at night. Yes, of course, there are not the simplest situations in life. But, to be honest, it doesn’t happen that one person is to blame.

Where to find a normal guy

Well, okay, “one day you took it and grew up. I understood and accepted that you like pompous assholes. But you get tired of this too. Any drama, even the most florid one, sometimes gets boring, and you want something normal and real. And here a reasonable question arises: where and how to find a normal guy?

If there was some kind of magical place, some kind of place where all normal men would be hidden, then, probably, the girls would already be lining up worse than for clothes from the new H&M collection with some famous designer. Girls who graduated from the courses of the guru of women's practices Pavel Rakov would definitely be brought there on special buses, and all the broken hearts would be sent for forced rehabilitation.

Alas, there is no such place of concentrated male power. Well, or I don’t know about him. It is clear that all key life encounters always occur completely randomly and unpredictably. But here is a simple applied question: is it possible to increase this probability artificially?

Girlish thoughts out loud

I went to the people (on Telegram) and wrote to my friends asking them to tell me where they generally met and looked for non-random connections. The girls’ reaction was funny: from “Well, we communicated normally, An, why are you starting” to “Very difficult question. I’ve never met anyone who’s normal.” A friend summed it up, writing: “Oh, Anh, normal guys are an endangered species.”

Among the popular answers to the question of where to meet, if you are very lucky, were university, work, interest clubs, car services, sport sections, friendly parties, bars and cafes. One friend suggested that Romeo could safely stand guard at some fashionable intellectual parties, although the girl herself admitted that she “doesn’t work yet.”

Places vs lifehacks

So what can help you meet a normal dude?

1. Dream of meeting HIM. Be disappointed and don't expect anything

It is very important to live with the thought that somewhere in this huge world there is definitely HE, with whom you feel fun, comfortable, free and cool, like with friends. At the same time, there is no idealization of the world here. We all always fall in love with the wrong people, and many girls are more afraid of falling in love than guys. In life, everything probably comes when you let go. You will be disappointed in everything and stupidly score, not expecting anything.

Usually they shoot just the most amazing stories when I’m not even sure that he will call back after the date.

In general, you just need to believe that one day you will meet someone with whom you can be yourself. The one who loves your friends. The one with whom you can breathe easily. And if you’ve already met him, he won’t let you leave (read: don’t let him go for anything). At the same time, special emphasis is placed on the fact that it is advisable to be disappointed in everything and not wait before the cherished meeting. Just live, and then, you see, the prince is on the horizon.

2. Visualize

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If you don’t know where are you going, you might end up somewhere else.

The main idea: in order to find something, we need to clearly know what we are actually looking for. They say that visualization is something that really works.

So, girls, you need to really tune in to the right zen and imagine the one you want to be with, what you ultimately want from him. You imagine all the important qualities of the betrothed, but, most importantly, not from the opposite, that is, without any “not” particles. For example, if you want a tall brunette, ask for a tall brunette, and not “not a blonde of average height, the main thing is that he is not very short.” Only real qualities, without negativity and denial. And then you write all this on a piece of paper and send a message to the Universe, which will definitely not let you down. Yes, it may take her some time to find the guy of her dreams. But Moscow, you know, was not built right away.

The most important thing: don’t get confused in the readings, girls! We ask for the same thing, we say it out loud, otherwise the Universe will get confused.

Another life hack: sometimes it’s useful to ask friends to introduce you to someone, well, to test the charm. The main thing is not to be friends: it doesn’t work. Just guy friends.

3. Don't be afraid to take the first step

It's funny that there are two diametrically opposed opinions on this matter. One friend (married and raising a son) has long been urging everyone and me to forget about social conventions and says that, in fact, in her life situation She took the first step, and she doesn’t regret anything. Another friend (not married, no boyfriend) recently came to the conclusion that all her first steps did not lead to anything good.

I do not have a personal significant record of first steps to judge their success. But, I admit, I myself was always afraid to take the first step. It seemed that if the guy doesn’t do it himself, then he probably doesn’t need it. Why should I offer something that he potentially doesn’t need? My mother always told me: “Never ask for anything, everyone will come and give it themselves.” So: they won’t give it.

Girls, maybe you, like me, live with the philosophy of a proud heron, and normal guys don’t even realize that we might like them?

4. Sign up for Tinder already

Don’t forget that many guys are tormented in the same way by the question: where to find a normal girl? And, as my statistics of guy friends show, many of the quite normal dudes register for general fun. What if you are the one with whom you not only have fun, but also happily ever after?

And so you dreamed, visualized, realized that the first step is not scary. Come on, act! Forward to the barricades!

And yes, I wouldn’t believe it myself if the number of “met on Tinder - happy together for 2, 3, years” stories among my own acquaintances had not grown exponentially. Important: Tinder is an example of an easy way to get dates. It doesn't matter where you find them, what matters is that you go to them at all.

A reasonable question: can something normal come out of dating on the Internet? I’ll answer with the words of my friend Christina’s American uncle, who recently wrote on my Facebook wall and instantly became a favorite of my friends: