Why do guys live with old women? Why do women choose older men?

Five reasons for choosing a woman of Balzac age

The relationship between men and women is one of the main topics studied by psychologists. Everything about it is attractive: the relationship itself, its construction, the stages of the relationship and the partners themselves. If quite recently the “standard” of relationships, so to speak, was considered to be a couple where the man was older than his partner, now, as experience shows, relationships in which the woman can be much older than her lover are increasingly common. How and why does this happen? Why do some men deliberately choose younger women, while others, and the majority of them, prefer women of Balzac’s age?

Reason one - fear of injury. More adult woman Initially, he will approach the relationship much more seriously and, accordingly, value his union with a man, without throwing tantrums over trifles and threatening to “go to mom.” Mature women, as a rule, are more emotionally stable (although age, of course, is not a panacea in this matter) and in relationships with them a man feels calm and stable. In addition, such a partner is smart, interesting and versatile. You can talk to her on any topic, from football to the work of Renaissance artists. The likelihood that such a lady will take a lover or even leave for someone else is much lower, although there are exceptions.

The next type of relationship in which a partner can be significantly older than her man is known in psychology mother-son relationship. They arise when a man does not have the best relationship with his own mother. simple relationships, in which he constantly experienced pressure or overprotection. Subsequently, the role of the mother is taken on by a mature partner, and the partner, on an unconscious level, strives to receive that same warmth and care from her. In a relationship with a young girl, a man has to take responsibility and make decisions, and if his mother did this for him for a long time, he will avoid responsibility and shun his peers.

Another reason for a man to choose an older woman is her sexual experience. A man who makes such a choice understands perfectly well that girls of his age are intimate life less experienced and will be able to teach him little. On the contrary, with a more mature and sexually experienced partner, he will be able to get unrealistic pleasure. By the way, men who experience certain problems in the sexual sphere are also inclined to make such a choice. This is explained by the fact that an older lady is more experienced and will treat sexual problem, hence the risk of getting psychological trauma from her in the event of a sexual fiasco is much less than from a young lady.

The fourth reason for this choice lies in the fact that a man feels more confident with an older woman. This is especially true for men suffering from low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence. For such men, a mature woman is a reliable rear and emotional support and support. It is easier to come to an agreement with her and reach mutual understanding, because such a lady already clearly knows what and when she wants, there is no need to play guessing games and speculate about her desires, she will tell you everything directly. And she treats her partner more carefully due to her psychological maturity and considerable partner experience.

And fifth, and finally, a rather banal situation when a young man - gigolo, who does not have stable material solid ground under his feet and does not want to bother with this topic, chooses as his partner a woman much older than himself, wealthy, established as a person, who takes him under her financial guardianship. I think explanations are unnecessary here.

The material presents the most common reasons for the formation of such unequal relations. However, each case can be individual in its own way, and the very appearance of strong feelings and love in a couple not equal in age is also not excluded.

Elena Shamova is a psychologist - sexologist, family systemic therapist.

Relationship between a man and a woman have always been important aspect in the study of society by psychologists. Just a few decades ago, couples in which one partner was older than the other were very rare. Their parents directed all their efforts to ensure that there were no relationships, much less a family, and those around them never tired of reproaching and blaming them for their non-standard choice.

Today you can meet a huge number of happy families who do not pay attention to stupid stereotypes and try to live for their own pleasure. But it also happens that a man’s desire to build a relationship with a woman who is much older than him is a kind of deviation. This topic is worth discussing separately, because women are often in search of an answer to this question. What could be the reason for this choice? young man? What does he look for in an older companion? This is exactly what you will learn about in this article.

1. It is likely that you met a real one on your way. Sometimes it is quite difficult for a woman to realize that the man for whom she has tender feelings is trying to get the maximum benefit from her. Such men carefully monitor their appearance, they try to look older and choose their words as competently as possible when communicating with the fair sex. Alphonse always knows what he wants, so he behaves quite confidently in different situations.

His only disadvantage is a constant lack of money. It is likely that he actually has money, but he will hide this fact as skillfully as possible. On dates with a woman, the gigolo will constantly apologize for the fact that there is temporarily no money or a bad streak has come in life. In fact, such a man rarely pursues the goal of establishing strong serious relationship, because the main thing for him is earnings.

Alphonse They are always confident that their attractiveness and youth should be highly paid, which pushes him into such a relationship. If your beloved young man constantly asks for forgiveness for financial difficulties, but continues to be sweet and romantic, then it is likely that you have met a real gigolo on your way. But, as they say, demand creates supply, so women who are willing to pay for the youth and beauty of a companion will always be the main reason for such a phenomenon in society.

2. A man is looking for an experienced woman. Quite often there are situations when a young guy is looking for an older woman in order to gain sexual experience. Such a representative of the stronger sex understands that in intimate life young girls of his age are not experienced enough and cannot teach him anything. Such guys believe that an older lady has wonderful sexual experience and can give him incredible pleasure.

Nobody excludes this option that a man who craves experience can actually fall in love, because in his youth sex life really has a strong impact on feelings. A woman must understand that an inexperienced guy can become not only a lover for her, but also a person who needs care.

At a certain point relations A mother-son relationship emerges between the partners, which is convenient for everyone. But for a woman such relationships are always useful, because she will strive to be better than she really is, because she will be sure that knowledge and skills are expected of her. A woman who decides to start a relationship with a guy who is much younger than her will strive to look younger, because otherwise he may stop showing interest in her.

3. A man is truly in love, despite his age and the condemnation of others. A young guy may unknowingly fall in love with a woman who is much older than her. Here, condemnation from family and friends is quite possible, because such relationships, although they have become widespread, are still just as popular in the circles of gossips and gossips. It is quite possible that he really saw the one and only in a woman older than him, but do not forget that such cases are rare, so you should be wary of deception and insincerity. IN in this case the fate of the relationship depends on both partners, because here it is worth deciding: to follow society’s lead or to become happy for the rest of your life.

4. He was under the care of his mother for a very long time, and is now looking for a replacement for her. Psychologists have long been working on studying relationships where the partner is significantly older than the partner. In fact, such couples exist and sometimes even create happy families. In this case, everything happens on a subconscious level, because he does not understand that he needs a beloved woman who will replace his beloved mother.

Relationship with a young man girl They require a man to be responsible and ready to make important decisions, and if for many years his beloved mother did this instead of him, then he will avoid his peers. The woman he loves, who is much older than him, has already gained some life experience and is ready to become support and support for him. As much as women disapprove of such irresponsible guys, there are others who enjoy spending time with them, building relationships and sometimes even starting a family. Today, families of this type are no exception, because democracy and the fight against stereotypes are in fashion.

There's really nothing scary is that man and woman of different ages want to be happy together. People tend to believe that the essence of relationships is clearer from the outside, so they have the right to judge and condemn. Many families have broken up because one of the spouses could not tolerate others talking about their couple. The only thing worth thinking about is: are you being deceived? Have you become a financial sponsor of a person who feels absolutely nothing for you? Unfortunately, today gigolos are not uncommon, and more than one woman has suffered from their actions. But if you are absolutely sure of your and his feelings, build a relationship and be happy, because who knows: maybe this person is your destiny.

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The question of why men often choose women older than themselves is by no means clear-cut. Because most men just want to rule and dominate a woman. This makes them feel like alpha males. Apparently, at the other end are those who lack maternal affection. Therefore, as adults, they look for an older partner. However, this is not the only reason why men often choose older women. Let's sort them all out.

If a girl is older than a guy, perhaps she has already had a bad experience, so she values ​​her current chosen one above all others. Someone will say that this is a selfish motive, they say, the young man is making his life easier. But this is a debatable issue, because relationships should not bring pain and suffering, they should bring satisfaction, joy and even happiness. Of course, there is one definition of love that Hank Moody gave, and it has a right to exist.

According to the wild writer, love is the privilege of torturing each other. And most of the Russian population probably fits into this scheme. For example, those who got married early, and then people become too lazy to change something, and the inertia of habit takes its toll. But the good news is that there are those who know what they want. Perhaps they want an older woman, so that she would love and feed them, and not beat and scold them. Let's move on. An older woman is perhaps more independent than her peers or those who are younger than the guy.

Girls get smarter. They don’t just want love, they want to sell themselves at a higher price, especially those girls who have nothing to offer the buyer except their mortal body. The subtlety is that the deal in this case must be completed quickly, because the body is a perishable product. How much time does a woman have to get married? IN best case scenario ten years, but usually even less. When we are talking about an experienced woman, then the selfish motive disappears, because she can completely do without a man in an everyday sense, but she cannot do without him in a loving, spiritual sense.

Men choose an older woman because they want a more mature relationship. This point sums up the man's general desire. A man who chooses an older partner wants the girl to be wise. Youth is good, but it has many shortcomings. For example, young girls often do not yet know defeat, and they think that the world belongs to them. Experienced women, on the contrary, know that life is full of ups and downs, so they value the man who is next to them at the moment.

On the one hand, we are talking, of course, about a woman, but on the other hand, about a man too. Therefore, it is necessary to say a few words about him. In addition to positive characteristics, misalliance also has negative sides: for example, we can say that a man is afraid of a real challenge from a woman his age, so he chooses “safe mode.” You can accuse the guy of being immature and unwilling to take responsibility for himself, to be the first violin in a duet.

Each phenomenon has both pros and cons, so it makes no sense to condemn or praise someone indiscriminately. The question of the appropriateness of a relationship is decided only by two people and no one else.

Increasingly in fashion magazines And on social TV shows, celebrity couples are found where the women are older than their partners. An obvious and striking example is the unions of such couples as:

• Maxim Galkin and Alla Pugacheva (27 years difference),
• Hugh Jackman and Deborah Lee-Lewis (14 years old),
• Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey (11 years old),
• Sergey and Irina Bezrukov (8 years old),
• Gerard Pique and Shakira (10 years old),
• Yana Rudkovskaya and Evgeni Plushenko (8 years old).

In addition to stars, similar situations occur in the everyday world. But why does this happen? Why do men choose older women? There are several reasons for this development of events.

Ten reasons why men like older women

1. Representatives of the fairer sex are already self-sufficient and self-confident. They won't ask stupid questions, which are aimed at increasing their self-esteem. In addition, girls will not choose a partner based on his financial capabilities. In most cases, girls have already managed to realize themselves in their careers and money does not play a significant role for them.
2. Knowing your shortcomings and advantages allows you to play an interesting game with the stronger sex. They perfectly seduce a partner, entice him and warm up the relationship.
3. They don’t get jealous over trifles, they don’t call every fifteen minutes to conduct children’s conversations.
4. The ability to find something to do while your betrothed is away is another reason why guys like older girls. Instead of demanding to spend a day off together, women keep themselves busy (meeting with friends, going to the gym, etc.). Quite often, men are busy at work or want to meet with friends, in which case the other half will calmly let go of the partner and find something to do.
5. Having children is not a problem, since in most cases they are already adults. Partners pay almost all attention to their lovers and create comfort in the house. They do not build illusions and castles in the air about marriage and a magnificent wedding.
6. Most often, girls have experience behind them. They can share experiences and have conversations on completely different topics.
7. Wisdom is another distinguishing feature. Representatives of the fairer sex know how to restrain their emotions, they know when to remain silent and when to fight back.
8. I would like to note that “older” girls are mature individuals. They do not listen to the opinions of others and do not take “advice.” Basically, partners listen only to their inner voice and make their own decisions.
9. Also a hallmark of why men like older women is patience. Girls do not allow a quarrel to completely ruin their relationship. In case of conflicts, girls try to talk about it instead of being offended for several days.
10. Sex is one of the main reasons for good and strong relationships. Women already know what men like, they know how to please and are not shy about talking about their desires. They are not afraid to experiment and try something new.

Besides experience and everyone positive qualities Older women always take care of themselves and try to look attractive. They know how to dress appropriately and choose looks depending on the event. It is all these traits that help warm up relationships and arouse interest and passion on the part of men. IN true love And strong relationships age does not play as important a role as the sincerity of feelings.

Today, many men prefer to build relationships with women who are much older than them. Why has this trend become widespread? By modern research Every twelfth woman dates a man who is younger than her and does not feel any discomfort. Such cravings are explained by both physiological and psychological reasons.

Positive aspects of mature women

Marriages in which the partner is 10, 15, or even 20 years older than the man are no longer rare. Star couples often consist of partners with big difference aged. Why do men like older ladies? There are many advantages characteristic of mature women.

Men are attracted to the following virtues:

• Self confidence. Unequal marriage is no longer a rarity because experienced women They know their strengths and weaknesses, skillfully mask their shortcomings and emphasize their strengths. They know how to please their partner. In addition, a woman older than a man skillfully manages conflicts, so the likelihood of quarrels is minimized. This is the main reason why men love mature ladies.
• Responsibility and determination. Young people often need a mentor. IN mature age a woman strives to achieve her goals and teaches her partner the same. This is important for him, so such a wife becomes a godsend, he really likes her.
• Independence. A woman who is more than 10-15 years older than her partner will not demand love, money or constant attention. She is independent, she is satisfied with meetings with a certain frequency, since her life is already arranged.
• Honesty. The partner does not live in a world of illusions, she does not need drama in the relationship. She knows that partners must respect each other, which is the key to a successful marriage.
• Experience. A mature lady already knows what she wants from a relationship and does not hide it. Stability and strength are the motto of an unequal marriage. It will not be dominated by rash emotions.
• Ability to carry on a conversation. An unequal marriage attracts men because a woman can support any conversation. She is smart and experienced, she knows what to say in what situation, and when it is better to remain silent.
• Variety in sex. A mature partner is smart enough to give pleasure to both herself and her partner in bed. If she is 10-20 years older, you can learn a lot from her.

It is worth noting that all these points are purely psychological, which is why the age of the partner is sometimes not important. It happens that a young girl is psychologically mature enough to match them. Young people like internal rather than external signs of maturity.

Looking for a reason in childhood

It happens that young people choose an unequal marriage subconsciously, without understanding the true psychology of their desires.

Often young men prefer mature ladies for the following reasons:

• An insufficient amount mother's love in childhood. They may not have been told, “I love you” or “Mommy loves you.” Many men instinctively look for an older woman because they have not received enough maternal care and attention.
• A young man is not confident enough in his abilities, and a woman older than a man gives him a feeling of security.
• A woman becomes a partner as a senior comrade or guardian who will provide him both financially and morally.

As we see, the main reason why unequal marriages, is convenience. Moreover, it is convenient for both men and women.

Some statistics

As numerous surveys show, married men often have affairs with a mature woman. This explains many of the factors we talked about above. Men are attracted to the fact that a woman does not insist on marriage, since her life is already arranged. Thus, 57% of the stronger sex had an affair with an older woman.

Most men prefer romantic relationship with a lady who is 10 years older. They explain this by the fact that this age is the sexiest for a woman. As psychologists are sure, a woman’s sexuality flourishes in her 40s, while a man’s – in her 20s. If you believe these numbers, then unequal marriages are a completely understandable phenomenon, and 20 years of difference is not a huge number, but the most appropriate one.

A look at unequal marriages from the outside

When a man falls in love with an older lady, he begins to weigh all the pros and cons of such a relationship. To understand the problem from the inside, let's look at the situation from different angles.

The public is categorically against this kind of relationship. If a partner who is much older than his partner can still be taken for granted, then a woman who is 10-15 years older than a man is not perceived by society in any way. Because of this, couples with large age differences have some problems. Often this reason becomes decisive when a relationship breaks down.

Women who choose to be partners young man, as a rule, have little interest in public opinion. They are confident in themselves and believe that their partner should also be morally mature so as not to depend on outside opinions. And if such a person really exists, then such an alliance can last for a very long time.

Unfortunately, psychology believes that too a big difference in age leads to an inevitable breakup. Different moral principles and outlooks on life can provoke conflicts that simply cannot be resolved. Then a break will be the only way out.

Pros and cons of unequal marriages

Unequal marriages are always a risk, but good choice partner you can get a lot of privileges.

Among the advantages of the age difference:

• A man will never cheat on his mature partner. This is due to many factors. A woman is confident in herself, she does not watch her partner’s every move, she skillfully manages conflicts, maintains a variety of conversations and knows how to satisfy a man in bed. He just doesn’t want to look for consolation from the outside, because he is truly comfortable in marriage. His psychology is satisfied, why should he look for additional entertainment.
• A man is brought up under the guidance of his partner. In order not to get lost in his life, he becomes a student of his wife, who willingly passes on her experience to him.
• A man in such a marriage feels special. After all, his wife is older, smarter, more reliable than the partners of most of his friends. His self-esteem increases, and after it his attitude towards his wife improves.

There are practically no conflicts in such marriages, so they can safely be called promising. But even in this matter one cannot do without a fly in the ointment.

Disadvantages of unequal marriages:

• If a partner wants to feel like the master of the family, the head of the house, then the woman should act wisely and give up her place as a leader in some way. If she is unable to do this, the marriage is in jeopardy.
• When an adult wise woman becomes uninteresting with a young man, she may simply cool down towards this relationship.
• If a partner idealizes his partner too much, and male psychology prone to this, there is a risk of great disappointment as the relationship develops.

Thus, unequal marriages and age differences are a promising phenomenon, but only if both partners are wise. If they find in each other what they themselves lack, then both will be happy in the relationship.