Is it true that a pause in a relationship is an indicator of the instability of the union?
You and your partner have decided that it would be good to take a break in the relationship, but you don’t know how to do it right and is it really necessary?
How to recognize a manipulative man? Find out about this from ours.
What does it mean?
If people love each other, they will strive renew, establish contact, change to preserve the union.
If you take a break, then it should not just be a vacation when you suddenly start dating other people and looking for a replacement partner, but an opportunity to rethink your current relationship.
Why do we need a pause?:
- take a break from your partner;
- understand whether you want to return to him;
- understand how you are more comfortable - together or apart;
- re-evaluate your attitude towards your loved one;
- start re-evaluating your goals, desires, aspirations, how consonant they are with the goals of another person and whether you are really on the path.
Unfortunately, most often the desire to take a break is an indicator that there are problems in the couple and it is easier to leave as a solution than to sit down at the negotiating table.
Should you take a break?
The question is quite complicated. Each union is individual.
You can’t specifically say: “yes, it’s worth it.” Some people have a hard time even for a couple of days.
Here, of course, there is another problem - emotional dependence from a partner, which also needs to be gotten rid of.
The other one will separate completely calmly and during the entire separation he will not remember his loved one.
It's worth taking a pause if you understand that it will really bring benefits. That is there must be a specific goal.
This needs to be discussed with the other party, and not just said: let's separate for a month.
The partner must agree in this case so as not to cause him psychological and emotional trauma.
Is this salvation or abyss?
Let's think about whether a pause will really save your relationship. You leave your partner, stop seeing each other, and have no physical or emotional contact. First, as a rule, the man is bored.
He is used to having someone close to him and strives to return to his usual state.
It also happens that relief is felt. This means that you are not only tired of your partner, but also do not feel real affection for him.
Will a break be a salvation for your union? It is likely that you or your partner will eventually decide not to return.
It turns out that you much better alone or during this time you will meet a person with whom you will begin a new relationship.
What to do if a man suggests breaking off the relationship for a while?
If your partner suddenly left suddenly, it was only his decision, without your consent, then maintain your dignity - do not impose yourself, do not ask to return.
Throwing tantrums and showdowns, running after him - worst case scenario developments of events.
This will only lead to him limiting contact as much as possible. Very often the desire to take a break is an attempt to prove one’s superiority, way of manipulation. Do the same - wait to see if your partner wants to make contact and what he will do.
It’s one thing if the pause is by mutual decision.
You simply return at the appointed time, talk, tell each other that you understood, how you felt apart from loved one and find out do you want to renew the relationship.
It is more difficult if the partner left on his own, without explanation. In this case, first of all, you must decide whether you need a person who does not take you into account at all?
If he allowed himself to treat your feelings so dismissively once, then it is likely that the situation repeated itself.
Remember, in any relationship you should value not only your partner, trying to keep him, but also keep self-respect and some degree of independence.
Psychologist's opinion on a pause in relationships:
I think you will agree with the statement that development love relationship not without conflicts, quarrels, grievances and misunderstandings. And it is natural and normal if, after reconciliation, the partners become even closer, for a moment feeling how difficult it will be for them to be apart.
But what to do if “darlings scold” and are not at all “amused”, if it has suddenly become extremely difficult to be around, but at the same time it is impossible to believe that everything is over? In such difficult situations, couples decide that a pause in the relationship is necessary.
But is this right and will a temporary separation become a farewell forever? Let’s find out.
In what cases is this necessary?
First, I want to note that many couples, although they quarrel often, will not take such a step. People who, due to their temperament, tend to show emotions too violently. However, they may frank conversation find out the difficulties that arise, since the main thing for them is to stay close, feel the warmth and support of a loved one.
But if even after reconciliation there remains a painful feeling, if you often ask yourself the question whether you need a relationship or if there is no more love and there is no need to deceive yourself, breaking up for a while can be useful.
Sometimes it’s not even a matter of conflicts; outwardly everything looks perfect. However, at the same time, you notice that you are “losing yourself”, you feel burdened and bored, while your opinion and needs no longer concern your partner. And most importantly, he doesn’t understand what doesn’t suit you. In this case, it also makes sense to break up for a while to understand what you want.
Perhaps your significant other has clear life guidelines that are difficult to live with. For example, you are a creative person or a good professional, and also a girl who values financial independence. And the partner is convinced that a woman works only if there is no one to provide for her. To understand what is more valuable: independence or a reliable person, that very “stone wall,” it makes sense to live separately.
In addition, the reasons for temporary separation are boredom, satiety, and discord in sexual relationships. After all, good man, sometimes there is too much. In this case, a pause can help refresh feelings, add spice to the relationship, let each other get bored, and begin to appreciate your partner more.
But there are more difficult situations. If a man takes time out, it is often the “beginning of the end.” However, fearing that the proposal to break up will cause screams and emotions on your part that will be difficult to withstand, he suggests breaking up for a while in order to understand himself. Unfortunately, this happens.
In this case, do not interfere with separation. Perhaps everything will end in reconciliation, or maybe a final break. Don’t despair, even if this is the case, because life doesn’t end there. The hope is that after the passions have subsided, you yourself will be happy with this turn of events, because you won’t argue with the fact that you shouldn’t live with a person who doesn’t love you.
How to do it right
So, the decision to separate has been made. But what does it mean to “take a time out” and how long will it last, how to behave correctly and should you expect miracles from temporary separation?
First, it’s worth clarifying: only for loving couples a pause in a relationship becomes a medicine, a kind of invigorating elixir that helps you feel how deep their feeling is.
However, in cases where love or reciprocity is in doubt, parting will help to quickly “diagnose” problems in the relationship, allow you to look at both your loved one and yourself from the outside, and analyze the behavior of both parties.
Psychologists advise trying not to be alone during this period. See friends, visit parents. And besides, devote time to an activity that will allow you to relax, relieve stress and think calmly, but casually.
It doesn't matter what it is: crocheting, skiing or renovating the bathroom. What is required of you is to honestly answer yourself how you feel better, more comfortable in reality, together or apart. And accept correct solution.
The only thing required condition for a pause in a relationship - remain faithful. Indeed, at this moment, being at the mercy of emotions, it is so easy to decide on actions that you will be ashamed of in the future.
So, when deciding to live separately for a while, it’s worth remembering:
- Separation is not a panacea, but a diagnosis, an opportunity to understand yourself, your feelings, and understand what is missing in your life;
- If the separation is caused by the realization that there is a person nearby with whom you have too little in common, perhaps in separation you will understand that these differences are the best thing, you will accept the person as he is, without trying to change him, respecting and appreciating his individuality;
- Parting, even for a while, is a powerful “medicine”, be careful, perhaps it is better to voice your complaints to the man. You need to break up when other ways to reach out have not been successful.
Don't forget, a breakup can have a big impact on you, as with the best side Having strengthened the relationship, it completely destroyed it.
"I do not know what to do next. Let's live separately for a while, figure out ourselves and our feelings for each other. Let’s take a break,” this is precisely the solution that some couples resort to when, at a certain stage in their relationship, they encounter problems that cannot be resolved through peaceful negotiations. Misunderstanding, quarrel after quarrel, the feeling that a stranger is nearby - because of all this, many people seem to run out of steam, do not feel the strength to continue to fight for the relationship, but they are also afraid to put an end to it - they hope that everything can still be returned to square one. its.
When a relationship reaches a dead end, you involuntarily ask yourself the question: should you reanimate your feelings or separate? But neither one nor the other decision is usually easy. Tired of the unknown and mental anguish, people come to the conclusion that a pause is the most best option. Having lived separately for some time, you can weigh the pros and cons, think about the future prospects of the relationship and, most importantly, understand whether you need this person, whether you can imagine your life without him. However, it is worth considering the fact that they often take a break when they do not know how to provoke a separation. Not all people have the courage to say: “I don’t love you anymore.”
What you need to know about a break in a relationship?
Psychologists warn that a pause is not a panacea for all ills. If you think that problems will disappear on their own after a month spent apart, then you are very mistaken. Your meeting will also bring memories of why you once decided to run away for a while. Therefore, if now you have an unresolved problem, it is better to make an effort and dot all the i’s.
However, sometimes a pause in a relationship is simply necessary, if only because, being constantly near the “irritant”, you do not have the opportunity to understand the underlying psychological processes that occur solely in your mind. It is in order to calm down, sensibly evaluate your behavior and the behavior of your partner, analyze his mistakes and, possibly, forgive them - you need a short break in the relationship.
In addition, when you think about a pause, answer yourself honestly whether you are thus looking for an excuse to break up. If you expect absolutely nothing from this relationship, then most likely there is no point in resuscitating it. It will be more honest to directly tell your partner about your feelings.
When should you take a break from a relationship?
1. When you stop understanding each other in small things. It would seem that there is no serious problem, no one has cheated on anyone, but day after day you torment each other with mutual claims, create scandals out of nowhere and, having calmed down a little, cannot answer what the fuss is about.
2. If you get bored with each other. You don’t know what to talk about, how to have an interesting time together, and any attempts to somehow diversify your joint leisure time fail - you start arguing even at the stage of choosing “cinema or cafe”.
3. If you don't see any return from your partner. You are ready to compromise, but he stubbornly sticks to his line and does not listen at all to your desires and requests. You feel offended, incomprehensible, tell him about it, but he doesn’t seem to hear.
4. If you understand that absolutely all problems are in your head. He hasn’t changed his attitude towards you one bit and hasn’t changed himself, but you want something different, new. You shouldn’t jump right into it; it’s better to take a couple of weeks to think about it.
5. When you feel like you're living in a cage. Your partner controls your every move, suspects you of infidelity and is jealous of all the men around you. Of course, before you take a break in the relationship, you should talk to your loved one, explain what hurts you and upsets his mistrust. If such heart-to-heart conversations do not bring results, it may be worth taking a short break.
A few rules for taking a break in a relationship
1. Never take a break without discussing it with your man. Tell him everything that worries you, and make it clear that at the moment you do not see any other way out of the situation.
2. Convince your partner that you are not leaving him, that this is not a separation. Agree that you are just taking time to think, but not to start a relationship with someone else.
3. Don't try to look at other men. Even if you understand that you want to break up with your partner, do it only after the end of the pause. Then you can start a new relationship, not earlier.
3. During your break, keep yourself busy with something useful and interesting, fill your days with interests and hobbies, and communicate with friends. Try to be alone as little as possible, so as not to end the pause solely because you are bored. In this case, problems may remain problems.
The relationship between a man and a woman is a complicated thing. You never know how it will end. Even if at first glance there are no prerequisites for a breakup, and everything is going well as you think, it can happen. One of the options for such an end is a pause in the relationship.
Why does this happen? Several reasons can be identified. One partner may become tired of the responsibilities that come with getting a serious relationship.
Awareness of such a situation may occur in the first year of a relationship and several years later.
Another reason could be a third person. This crush may not necessarily mean a complete break in the relationship. Perhaps, after some communication with this girl or guy, your significant other will understand how valuable a relationship with you is.
The third reason may be a relationship crisis. The spark and attractiveness that previously united us has disappeared.
A break in a relationship can help you regain feelings or, conversely, break up forever. This period may hide a real desire to separate, but you just don’t have the courage to communicate it right away. Some partners feel the desire to take a walk more; they have little freedom. One thing is clear here: if he loves you, then you will be together.
The desire to understand the necessity of this relationship, the presence of sincere feelings, sometimes leads to stagnation in the relationship.
It must be said that the very suggestion of the need to take a break is a lot of stress for the other half. Therefore, if you really want to “understand yourself,” it’s better to go on a business trip, to visit relatives or somewhere else. And then decide whether you are bored or if you are more comfortable in this state. Draw conclusions, and upon arrival, continue to love your other half or break up immediately and forever.
When to take a break in a relationship
When it seems that you are lost in the relationship and no longer feel the difference between what you want and what he wants;
When the relationship with your partner suddenly becomes boring and painful, although in general everything is good and you are happy with a lot of things;
When sexual relations became, rather, a duty rather than a pleasure;
When you can’t see your partner behind the scandals and insults;
When it seems that love has passed and will never return;
Just to prevent burnout in relationships at a certain frequency that is comfortable for both partners.
What does a pause in a relationship do?
Look a little from the outside at what is happening in a couple, rethink the experience of being in this relationship;
Realize what you want in a relationship, why it is valuable and what it gives;
Soberly assess what is missing and why you cannot get it;
See those resources, methods and opportunities for solving difficulties that are not visible from close up;
To see that my partner and I are not a single whole, but two different people, with different desires and needs, with similarities and dissimilarities, and begin to respect precisely this difference and dissimilarity;
Revive sexual interest in your loved one;
An opportunity to take a break and gain strength in difficult, conflictual or confusing relationships.
Interesting videos on the topic of family relationships
Mistakes a woman makes in a relationship:
How to revive a relationship:
How to make a man think about himself:
Everything was great: he said that he loved you, that he didn’t need anyone else... You were talking about how many children you would have, and where you would spend your honeymoon... So to speak, nothing foreshadowed trouble, and you were in seventh heaven from happiness. But suddenly he said that you need to take a break in the relationship - these words were like a bolt from the blue! What do these words mean, and how to behave now?
Let's think rationally
So, the first thing you need to do after such news is to pull yourself together and not give in to panic. Don’t even think about crying, falling at his feet, or, even worse, demanding explanations or reasons for such behavior from him. Just smile and agree, and best of all, if you are a few steps ahead, and in response to his statement you will say that he is absolutely right, and you yourself have thought about it.
Now, when you return home, don’t throw yourself on the pillow and shed tears, as they say, this won’t help matters. Better make yourself some tea with mint and linden and think about what happened after all?
In such a complex issue, it is best to trust the experts and listen to what they think about this.
So, let’s turn to experts in the field of personal psychology and here’s what they say about this: the man who suggested taking a break in the relationship is a weak-willed, spineless creature who cannot make an important decision on his own, placing everything on your fragile shoulders.
There is no need to console yourself with empty hopes: a pause in a relationship is also a separation, no more, no less.
It’s just that your young man is so spineless that he can’t tell you this to your face, because he’s afraid of a debriefing and a showdown. That’s why he found a way out, saying that you need a break in the relationship - after all, this is, as it were, not a break, but not a couple either. And he did all this in the hope that you would be the first to freak out and leave him - in that case, he would generally come out of the water dry and good - he didn’t leave you, did he? Now think about whether you should be upset and worried about a guy who can’t even make a decision on his own!
Why did he do this?
Yes, you can rack your brain and scroll through the options for why he did this ad infinitum. Only he knows the truth, but you, in fact, don’t need it. Of course, you can analyze his behavior, who knows, maybe you will get to the bottom of the truth, but the fact remains: he abandoned you.
Now it is very important to maintain emotional and mental peace. And this can only be done if you recognize this fact, do not deny it and come to terms with the fact that now you are alone. Puzzling over the question of why he did this and what was wrong with you, you will get absolutely nothing but your frayed nerves and eyes swollen from tears.
In fact, now you will find yourself at a crossroads, like in that fairy tale, where in the middle there will be a stone with sentences. Let's look at the possible ways, as well as the consequences that will arise later:
1. You will keep a pause in the relationship, in the hope that he will return to you, and everything will be as before - the stupidest decision. Firstly, it will never be the same as before, because he wanted to break up with you, and you will never forget this. And, secondly, even if he has some fun and returns, what confidence is there that he will not do this again?
2. He returns with declarations of love, with words of repentance, and you forgive him. Great decision, but what awaits you next? You already know that this person is not capable of making serious decisions, and is also not consistent in his choices. And also, think about it, now he can sit on your neck. And what? After all, you forgave his weakness once, which means you will forgive him again and again. But he won’t take you seriously, because he will think that you won’t be able to live without him and will do anything to have him around. Rest assured, such relationships have no future.
3. You are starting a new and happy life, but without this person. This means that as soon as he suggested that you take a break in the relationship, you can safely turn your attention to the rest of the stronger sex. And if suddenly his friends see you arm in arm with a new young man, that’s even better, let him see that a holy place is never empty. Oh yes, don’t forget, after you stop getting upset and pull yourself together, tell him that you no longer need a break, since you’re breaking up.
There is always a second side to the coin
Of course, it will be difficult for you to get over the breakup, but in this case It is best to turn to the old and wise proverb, which says that “everything that is not done is done for the better.” And this is really so, even if you don’t believe it now.
And one more thing, the light did not fall like a wedge on this guy. It is quite possible that fate deliberately upset your union so that you would meet a real man who could make you happy.
Just imagine what horizons are now opening up for you: you can go wherever you want, and no one will make scenes of jealousy for you, you can return home in the morning from a nightclub, and also go on new dates every day. The main thing is don’t close yourself off, don’t develop complexes, and get out of your head negative thoughts that prevent you from living happily.
So, let's summarize all of the above. Let's start with what a pause in a relationship really is. This means that it’s far from a pause, but a real break, just for your young man I don't have the courage to admit it.
If your relationship is over, this does not mean at all that you are somehow different, that the reason is in you, and you are not worthy happy relationship. The reason, after all, is in him, but not in you. And, lastly, don’t wait for him to break off the relationship, do it yourself and start a new happy life. Be happy!
