The child starts crying and what should I do? Typical reasons for a baby's crying. The main reasons for a baby's crying

A child appeared in the house: cute, smiling and so small! You can’t help but want to protect him and save him from everything in the world, but sometimes it’s difficult for a mother to help her baby, and it’s especially difficult to figure out why she’s crying infant. Some grandmothers say: “Let him scream - he develops his lungs!” But this approach is by no means correct. It is imperative to understand the reason for children's crying and find a solution.

Children's cry as communication

A child's cry broke the silence - he was born new person. All expectant mothers look forward to the first cry and rejoice when they hear it. But the absence of a cry, on the contrary, makes you anxious and wonder if everything is okay. Screaming means everything is fine: this logic only works when a baby is born. Healthy young children whose needs are fully met do not cry without reason.

Small children cannot speak, and screaming is often the only way to express their needs. But how can we understand what exactly the child wanted to “say” by crying? Interesting way Spanish scientists have suggested how to understand why an infant is crying. They advise looking into the baby's eyes. If they are open, it means the child is angry or scared, and if the eyes are closed, then he is in pain.

Experts also advise taking a closer look at the baby’s facial expressions and the nature of crying. An angry child cries loudly and sobbingly, gradually calming down. In case of illness, crying can drag on for several hours. The child will not only not calm down over time, but will start screaming more and more.

Objective reasons for children's crying

A baby may cry for various reasons. Some of them are easy to “calculate”, others you need to guess. But every mother should know what a child’s crying can mean. Here is a list of the most objective reasons for baby crying:

• Hunger. The cry of a hungry baby is accompanied by special movements and grimaces: he pulls his arms towards his mother, smacks his lips and turns his head from side to side, looking for the breast.
• The child wants to sleep. relatively little. Mostly he sleeps - this is necessary for the development and processing of received information. If the baby's mood suddenly changed and he began to cry without responding to attempts to distract and cheer him up, it is worth putting the child to bed.
• Wet diaper. Even disposable diapers sometimes cause great anxiety in children when they become wet, not to mention reusable gauze diapers. Crying because of a wet diaper is accompanied by movements of the legs, so the baby is trying to get rid of it (knocking his legs).
• Overwork. If your child starts crying for seemingly no apparent reason, he may have received too much information and become overtired. By crying, he signals a desire to rest. This often happens after guests arrive.
• The child is sweating or cold. If your baby is crying, check if the ambient temperature is comfortable. If the nose and hands are cold, the baby is frozen. And if he turns red and has a heat rash, it means he has overheated. This discomfort can also cause the baby to cry.
• Colic. Colic is caused by gas accumulated in the intestines. A characteristic feature of crying due to colic is the pulling of the legs towards the tummy. Also, as a rule, colic occurs at the same time. Then the child begins to cry.
• Teeth are being cut. Teeth begin to erupt at the age of 6 months. For some children, this unpleasant process is painless, while for others, on the contrary, it is accompanied by severe pain. In this case, the child becomes restless, cries constantly, puts everything in his mouth and loses his appetite.
• Uncomfortable clothes. The baby's crying may be due to a narrow elastic band on the sliders, convex buttons, hard seams, or a zipper that can pinch delicate skin child. It is necessary to check whether all things are comfortable and whether they cause discomfort to the child.
• Change of weather. Young children are susceptible to weather anomalies: magnetic storms, sudden changes in temperature and pressure, and others.
• Lack of attention. Sometimes children just want to feel like their mother is nearby. Their cry is a kind of call. Crying due to lack of attention goes away as soon as the mother takes the child in her arms. Attempts to put him in his crib are accompanied by more crying.
• Pain. A child's crying caused by pain is the most dangerous. A sick baby cries constantly. Because of the pain, the child often wakes up at night, shuddering sharply, and crying loudly. It is advisable to contact a pediatrician, especially if the parents can know the reason why the child got sick (hypothermia, fell, poisoning).
• Inflammation in the urinary tract. In this case, the baby cries before peeing. An increase in temperature may also be an indicator.
• Irritation of the anus. IN in this case The baby will cry when defecating. The reasons for this may be improper or insufficient hygiene, careless insertion of a gas tube or suppositories into the anus.

Why does a baby cry while feeding?

Separately, I would like to consider the baby’s crying during feeding. As a rule, this behavior of a newborn often frightens the mother. She fears that he will give up breastfeeding altogether. Moreover, the smoothness of the breastfeeding process is extremely important both for the health of the baby and for the health of the mother.

Let's look at the reasons why a baby cries during feeding:

• Pain in the mouth. It occurs due to stomatitis (thrush) or pharyngitis. Thrush can be identified by the white film that appears in the baby's mouth. With pharyngitis, the baby has difficulty swallowing due to a sore throat and cries.
• Otitis. This disease is accompanied by pain in the ears when swallowing. So hungry Small child literally pounces on his chest, but at the first sips he bursts into tears.
• Bitter milk. For this reason, the child may take the breast, then throw it away, cry, take it again, throw it away... Milk becomes unpleasant in taste if the mother has eaten onions, garlic or spicy food.
• "Rapid" milk. When milk fills the breast, its flow becomes too strong. The baby chokes and cries for this reason.
• Lack of milk. If there is little milk, the baby sucks hard at the breast, but does not get enough. This makes him angry and he cries.
• Neurological disorders. One of them is hydrocephalic syndrome. In this case, the child experiences headaches when swallowing. You should consult a doctor immediately.

In order for the child to calm down, you need to find out the reason for his crying - that is, what he is asking for - and eliminate it. It is clear that if the baby is hungry, he needs to be fed; if the child cries before bed or is overtired, he needs to be put to bed. A wet diaper should be replaced with a dry one, and the baby should be washed and the bottom should be lubricated with cream. A frozen child will fall asleep as soon as he warms up: change his clothes or lie down together under a blanket and warm the baby with the warmth of your own body. If your child is sweating, wipe him or her with a damp swab and change into lighter clothing.

To rid your child of colic, several measures should be taken to prevent colic and prevent its occurrence:

• Adjust ;
• It is correct to breastfeed your baby;
• After feeding, hold the baby in an upright position: “gopher” or “column”;
• Help your child cope with pain. To do this, you can apply a warm diaper to his tummy, put the baby's tummy on your chest, or massage the tummy clockwise.

When teething, pain can be reduced with the help of teethers or special gels. To prevent your month-old baby from worrying about uncomfortable clothes, choose seamless options or with seams facing out. The elastic bands should not be tight. It is better to replace buttons with rivets, and not use zippers at all. Slips are very convenient, combining a blouse, panties, socks and “scratchies”.

If your child does not have enough attention, put everything aside and caress him. The same should be done when the weather changes. Rock the child, sing him a calm song, tell him rhymes or nursery rhymes. If crying is caused by unknown reasons, you should consult a doctor and immediately begin the prescribed treatment. In the meantime, show your child how much you love him and how dear he is to you.

A child's audio system includes two lungs, vocal cords and a mouth. He uses these organs for communication. Almost all models do not have a verbal communication function pre-installed, so the first attempts at “communication” will seem pointless to you. This is a common mistake made by most newbies. These audio signals, called cries, contain a huge amount of information!

A child cries when his diaper is wet, he is hungry, he is hot or cold, he is tired, he is tormented by gas, he is sick, he needs affection and comfort. Some models cry just to hear the sound of their voice. If your baby cries, the pitch and frequency of the audio signals will help you determine what they mean. Various types crying signals different states. If you were able to determine the cause, remember the type of crying so that in the future you can immediately understand what is happening to the child.

Wet or soiled diaper. The smell system will help you determine if the diaper is soiled. By inserting one finger inside the diaper, determine whether it is wet. Replace it if necessary - the crying should stop.

Hunger. The child experiences hunger about 7-10 times a day. Offer him food. Your baby may need to calm down before he starts eating. If the crying stopped, then the cause was hunger.

Hot or cold. Most models cry much more often if they are hot. The baby's body temperature may rise, but it does not have a user alert system. Check what clothes he is wearing and change them if necessary. Carefully examine your child to determine if he is feeling hot. His skin may be red or wet to the touch. Don't put too many things on it.

Fatigue. While crying, the baby may rub his eyes, yawn or nod off, which means he needs to go into sleep mode.

Gases. If your baby fidgets or raises his legs towards his stomach, it may be in his digestive system excess gases. Help him burp or hold him so that the gases come out.

Affection and consolation. If your child feels like they've been left alone for a long time or are overly agitated, they may just need a hug and reassurance. Try putting it in his mouth depressant- natural or artificial.

Disease. If the baby is sick and feels discomfort, he begins to cry. First, make sure that the above reasons are not the cause of your crying. If your baby cries continuously for 30 minutes, contact your healthcare provider.

ATTENTION. Sometimes it is extremely difficult to determine the cause of crying. Don't panic and try again to understand why your baby is crying.

In fact, most newborns begin this important ritual of infancy immediately after birth. The first cry of a newborn plays an extremely important role - it helps fill his lungs with air and stop him from being dependent on the oxygen that his mother's circulatory system supplied him. Now he can breathe on his own. Even without explaining the circulatory system of the fetus and newborn, you probably don't need us to tell you that the cry of a baby in the delivery room is the most awaited event for everyone. He usually reports a happy birth, healthy child, and almost everywhere this cry is met with tears of joy and relief. What kind of crying may occur in the following days can vary greatly from child to child, but with more likely you will find a child who sleeps almost all the time, who cries only when he wants to eat.

For all babies and young children, crying is a form of communication; he only expresses needs. Thus, in most cases, crying is a response to hunger, discomfort (eg, wet diaper), or separation from a parent, and stops when needs are met (eg, feeding, changing a diaper, and comforting). This crying is normal and tends to decrease in duration and frequency after 3 months of age. However, crying that persists beyond routine needs and comforting, or that lasts longer than is typical for the child, should be examined to determine the specific cause.

Why is the child crying?

An experienced and observant mother can determine the cause of crying by:

• the hungry cry begins with a call, gradually turning into a choking cry. When the mother comes, but for some reason hesitates to feed, crying
  turns into an angry, demanding cry, and during pauses the child makes searching movements with his head;
• painful crying has a connotation of deep suffering, turning into hopelessness. It has an even, continuous character, directly related
  with pain. Periodically replaced by a desperate scream reflecting the strengthening pain and a call for help. With the cessation of pain, the child stops crying and falls asleep;
• when urinating and defecating, the baby makes a squeak, whimper or grunt, which is replaced by an angry cry if the mother does not help the child and does not put him on the potty;
• if a child wants to fall asleep, but is tired or nervous, as a rule, he whines monotonously and plaintively, yawning and often closing his eyes.

When the newborn slept after the extreme sensations of birth and opened his eyes into a huge new world, swung open in front of him, you can bet that any of them will inevitably and immediately begin to cry. I must say that one of the first and most useful lessons The thing to take away from this is that children do not always cry for the same reasons as adults. After all, most of us cry when we are either hurt or sad. We believe that it is for this reason that many parents become upset at the sound of their child's crying and feel completely helpless if they cannot stop the child's crying, and stop it immediately, considering it a cry for help. Children, on the other hand, have supernatural ability burst into tears (without tears, of course, which usually do not appear for about the first month, see below), if they are scared, hungry, hot or cold, tired, wet, bored, restless, gassy... Well, you get the picture. We look at this situation this way: children are forced to cry a lot for only one reason - they do not have other ways to express their feelings in sufficient quantities. If you remind yourself that crying isn't always synonymous with pain or distress, you'll be much less likely to be on the verge of tears yourself in the coming months.

Loudly and without tears

Most babies literally don't shed a tear - not because they don't cry enough, but simply because their tear glands aren't fully developed yet. While you may not think of your baby's crying as a gift (at least not after the first cry in the delivery room), you may actually feel very touched when your baby gets past the tearing stage and cries real tears for the first time.

Myths about the signal cry

Most books tell you that parenting instincts develop quickly, and you will soon be able to determine the reason for every single cry of your baby. We certainly don't want to minimize the importance of taking crying seriously, and we wholeheartedly agree that you should try to understand the true meaning behind each of your baby's cries, but in our experience this is often easier said than done. When you're not entirely sure why your baby is crying, look first. obvious reasons- hunger, dirty or wet diaper, fatigue, and also try to make sure that there is no potentially serious reason behind the crying: heat, a stuck pin or a stray hair or string wrapped around a finger (two commonly cited causes that we were forced to list here are actually very rare). But for those of you who still haven't been able to determine why your newborn is crying or has been crying, and feel hopelessly incompetent as a result, we hope we can persuade you to be less critical of yourself by saying that we haven't always thought of the definition either. reasons why your newborns cry is an easy task. We did the best we could and gave the baby literally everything (sometimes our “everything” was limited in part by our own endless sleep deprivation). If our children could remember their infancy and could publicly discuss our own parental “inadequacies” with them, they would probably say that we fed them when it was time to change their diaper, put them to bed when they were hungry, and over-fed them. entertained when they were tired. There will probably be times when your child's needs are obvious, but it's best to keep in mind that there will also be times when you're not sure about anything at all, except perhaps that you want to rip your hair out.

A calculated cry

In the first weeks and months, remind yourself that it is completely normal for your baby to cry. Typically, newborns will increase the amount of crying they do during the day from about 2 hours at two weeks of age to 4 hours by three months. Light at the end of the tunnel: quantity crying children from this point on it begins to gradually decrease, and over time the cause usually becomes much easier to understand.

Is this colic?

Open any book on child care, and you will probably find a mention of what many parents with horror call “colic.” Even considering rule of thumb that colic does not occur until about three months of age, we included this issue in the chapter on crying without reference or qualification, since some parents begin to worry about this almost from the birth of their baby, and then continue to do so with every cry or slight nervousness of the baby, considering them only one step towards full-blown colic (or the beginning of it). Quite often, people think about colic when a seemingly healthy child cries for a long time. For convenience, we prefer to think of crying due to colic as a broad spectrum - from those who cry sporadically for a few minutes to those who cry for hours without a break. Only time will tell you whether your newborn is truly a “colicky” baby, that is, one who has regular bouts of crying, most often in the evenings and for no apparent reason. The good news is that most babies with colic (and even those who don't) outgrow their period of excessive crying by about 3 to 6 months of age.

Colic control

Because no one knows the real reason colic, and many parents and experts continue to attribute the cause of crying to the presence of stomach pain and/or errors in the baby's nutrition, the most practical and logical analysis of colic (what to do about it) was recently given to parents in the baby care book “The Happiest Baby on the block" by pediatrician Harvey Karp. Dr. Karp carefully studied previous theories of colic, and then proposed five rules for parents: swaddling; position on the side/stomach while the child is awake; reassurance; rocking and sucking. Both he and we consider these rules to be very effective in calming a colicky baby during the first few months of life.

Does soothing mean pampering?

You definitely don't have to stop yourself from responding to your newborn's cries for fear of spoiling him. In fact, over the next few months, you can completely cross the word “pampering” off your list of parenting worries. Every time you try to quickly respond to your newborn's cries, you are simply sending a signal to your baby that you are there and will always help him.

How to calm a crying baby

But how to understand exactly what he needs? Although we've already told you that it's not always easy, you'll likely notice after a few days that every time your baby falls asleep, he cries in a characteristic way. Or perhaps he has a special cry that ends immediately after he starts eating. As you begin to pick up on these cues and respond to them accordingly, your baby will begin to feel comfortable in the knowledge that he can communicate with you, at least partially. If you can't determine the type of crying, think about the last time your baby ate, slept, or had a diaper changed. If several hours have passed, it may be time to do each of these three steps again. Below are a few other ways to calm your baby.

• Professional help. In most books, the worst scenarios are saved for later. But not in ours. We want you to know right away that if at any time it seems to you that your baby is simply inconsolable or is crying unbearably for a long time, or he seems sick or is crying choking, put the book aside and immediately call a pediatrician: that is what they are there for !
• Calm down yourself. So, now we will decide that you have assessed the situation and believe that medical intervention is not required. The next step is to take a deep breath and try to relax. Children are able to pick up on stress around them and may start crying if they sense negative vibrations. Sometimes the best step you can take is to calm down yourself first, even if that means putting crying baby to a safe place and take a short break.
• Swaddle tightly. Try swaddling your baby tightly (as described earlier). We think this is justified because all newborns spend 9 months with the familiar feeling of tightness and security in a very small space inside the uterus. By simulating this sense of coziness and security, swaddling techniques often help manage crying and promote sleep.
• Let everything move. Any newborn who has spent a sufficient amount of time in the womb is simply not used to living without movement. As a result, you may find that your child may buy into the idea that a lack of movement and activity can be pleasant and calm. In the meantime, you can try time-tested movement methods: carrying, rolling in a stroller, rocking a crib, or riding in a car are sure to please your crying or fussy baby. The very popular vibrating baby seats or baby swings also serve the purpose of soothing the baby with movement. Just keep in mind that you should always securely restrain your baby according to the instructions, monitor him when you use such devices, and buy accessories designed for the comfort of babies (additional headrests, seat belts that securely secure the child, low seats on automatic swings, etc. .).
• Simple sound effects. Your baby may also enjoy soothing, muffled sounds similar to waves amniotic fluid or the beating of the mother's heart and pulsation of blood vessels. You may find, as many before you have no doubt discovered, that the sounds of a vacuum cleaner washing machine, water flowing from a shower or the beating of a person’s heart (hold a child at your chest or put a recording of a heartbeat on a tape recorder) work wonders. In addition to the efforts made to calm the child, you will receive a tidy apartment, washed clothes or a clean body as a bonus! No matter whether you are musical or not, try humming or playing a melody. Research has shown that some newborns calm down especially well to a song or songs that we hum or play to them before they are even born!
• The opposite attracts. Touch your baby's hands and feet. If they are cold, put some more clothes on him or wrap him in a blanket. If he is hot or sweaty, remove one layer of clothing. Look, maybe he is interested in changing the situation: if the light is bright, turn it off, if it is dark, turn on some lamp. If it is very noisy, turn down the volume. If it's unusually quiet, try one of the simple sound effects described above. Too calm? Walk with him. Bottom line: There's no real science here, it's all about finding and tweaking your own simple, easy-going solutions.
• “Pass.” If there is someone nearby, don't refuse their help until you are ready to try again on your own.
• Give it time. If all else fails, simply put your baby down and wait patiently until he calms down on his own. Crying itself won't hurt your baby, so if you're not in the mood to stop it, it's okay to let your baby cry for a while. If your patience is running low and you need a break, don't feel guilty about putting your baby in a safe place (in a crib or strapped into a child seat car) until you come to your senses.

When the crying doesn't stop

Now that we have tried to explain to you why newborns cry, we want to give you general rule regarding newborns and crying. Even if inconsolable crying does not always mean that there is some serious internal cause who caused it, anyway, always call a doctor in such cases.

If the baby is crying

A baby's crying can be caused by hunger, fatigue, abdominal pain, elevated temperature, heat, cold, wet diapers. If you have checked everything, and the child continues to scream, you need to look for the cause with your pediatrician. Frequent crying or screaming of the baby may indicate some kind of disease or problems with breastfeeding. In the absence of both, there is only one way left: go to an appointment with specialists who deal with the problems of children's crying. After all, constant screaming not only exhausts the child himself and contributes to the development of a chronic anxiety state, but also greatly exhausts the nervous system of the parents. Therefore, it is better to resort to the help of professionals sooner rather than later. You can get information about consultations on the problems of children's crying at family centers, parent clubs or children's clinics (as a rule, for medical issues it is better to contact the child's health office).

What can you do yourself

Screaming children often become a great challenge for parents. Constant crying can rob you of your self-confidence, especially if this is your first child. First of all, you must make sure that neither hunger nor illness is behind the crying.

If you cannot find the cause, try the following tips:

• As a first step, try to calm yourself down. Concentrate on your breathing, lower your shoulders and try to accept the situation as it is.
• Take the baby in your arms. Close skin-to-skin contact will help reduce your baby's stress. Sit down in some not too bright, quiet corner where you usually feel good.
• Ask other family members not to disturb you for the next half hour to make it easier for the child to calm down.
• Don't try to "turn off" the crying. Sing your baby a quiet song and rock him gently in your arms. Wait patiently until the baby gradually calms down on his own.
• If you are a nursing mother, then put your baby to your breast. This also has a calming effect. Or give him a pacifier so he can suck on his tension.
• Carrying a child on you in a scarf or backpack has proven its effectiveness many times. Ask your midwife to explain the technique of tying the scarf. Feeling the warmth of your body, the child calms down faster.

Help with bloating

Relief is brought by special preparations (for example, with fennel) or ointments. A small amount should be rubbed with the entire palm clockwise around the baby's navel. Then you should lift the baby into your arms, tummy down, and lightly swing him in the air like an airplane. In this case, one hand, passed between the baby’s legs, firmly supports his tummy. And the other hand creates support for the chest, with the head lying on your forearm. Another remedy to help with bloating is a slightly warmed bag of cherry pits, which should be placed on the baby's tummy for about 10 minutes.

Causes of baby crying

Cardiac:

Gastrointestinal:

Infection:

Injury:

Other:

Reason for crying:

• organic in<0,05% случаев,
• functional in 95%.

Organic. Organic causes, although rare, should always be taken into account. The causes that need to be considered are classified as cardiac, gastrointestinal, infectious and traumatic. Of these, heart failure, intussusception, volvulus, meningitis and intracranial bleeding due to head trauma are potentially life-threatening.

Colic is excessive crying that has no obvious organic cause and lasts at least 3 hours a day for more than 3 days a week for more than 3 weeks.

One of the most important tasks for the mind and feelings of new parents is to learn to recognize the reasons why a child cries and to respond correctly to crying. In most cases, crying is a consequence of the fact that the stomach is empty and the diapers are full, and the baby is calmed by taking the proper measures. But even in these ordinary cases, newborns cry as much as they can - persistently, irritably and desperately. Their cry sounds like an accusation: “I don’t like the way you’re courting me!”

If you hear a statement in your child's cry that he is uncomfortable or something is bothering him, do not panic: you are doing everything right. If you're sleep-deprived, your body is sore (especially after a C-section), and your body's hormones are raging, you may find yourself harboring thoughts about how difficult it is to deal with a newborn. Such thoughts come to mind even the most devoted parents.

How do you feel and what should you do when your baby cries? First of all, it is very important to understand the purpose of crying. Remember that a newborn is completely helpless and cannot do anything for himself except suck the breast or bottle (or one or two of his own fingers that accidentally ended up in his mouth). If adults do not meet all his needs, he simply will not survive. For a baby, crying is the only - and most effective - way to motivate others to action. The crying of a newborn is especially disturbing and annoying because it is designed to evoke a variety of unpleasant feelings, especially in those who are closest to the child. Actions that usually stop crying - food, clean diapers and clothes, holding, caressing and cooing - simultaneously satisfy the most pressing, vital needs of the baby.

During the first three months of a child's life, there is no need to wonder whether he has good reasons for crying. He is not at all trying to deliberately anger you, manipulate you, test how much you can do, or drain the last of your strength and poison your life. So you definitely need to do something, and not cover your ears, hoping that the crying will dry up on its own. At this age, a child cannot be spoiled, and in the early stages of his life it is better to overdo it with attention and care than to give it too little. The baby, although he is not able to express his gratitude or pleasure to others, is in dire need of peace, caring hands and constant love. This is not the time for futile attempts to “educate”, “build character” and “discipline” a child. (In a few months, you'll have plenty of opportunities to take on these important tasks.)

What is a child trying to say when he cries? Most likely, this is what it's about:

• He is hungry and wants to be fed.
• He has wet or dirty diapers.
• He feels damp, hot, cold or uncomfortable.
• He wants to be held.

Somewhere between two weeks and three months, you will at least once suspect that something terrible has happened to the baby. Just a day or a few days ago you knew how to calm him down. To do this, it was enough to feed him every few hours, change diapers, rock him to sleep and coo. And now he is cranky in the afternoon or early evening, and nothing helps for a whole hour... two hours... three hours...

And sometimes, for unknown reasons, the baby suddenly begins to shriek or scream in the middle of the night. What's happening? You can never know for sure. But it will make you feel better if you realize that many babies cry every now and then, some of them every day, and others seem to be determined to set a world record for the longest time they cry.

Crying: the reason is not only hunger or wet diapers

Your offspring's achievements will include new ways of expressing dissatisfaction: you will notice that crying has become an effective way for him to expand his “vocabulary.” In different cases, the baby will be indignant in different ways: he will “say” about hunger in a different way than by expressing dissatisfaction with the unceremoniousness of the doctor examining him, and he will react to the vaccination in some completely unexpected way. A newborn cries the same way for any reason - persistently and monotonously. And a child older than four months tries to attract the attention of adults to the events of his life with the help of screams, which, depending on the situation, vary greatly. Watch and listen carefully, and you will learn to distinguish “I’m hungry” from “I’m bored” or “I want the toy I just threw on the floor.”

The ability to distinguish between the intensity and intonation of crying will help you understand whether you need to immediately rush to your baby, or whether he is quite capable of waiting until you finish your business. In the first year of life, the child will discover that, to his great indignation, he is not the center of the Universe - in in any case, that part of it that he had already managed to master. If the baby is fed, his diapers are dry, and everything else is in order, then hesitate a little before approaching him, wanting to calm down the furious roar of “I need attention right now.”

Assessment of crying in children

Story. Assessment of the clinical history focuses on the onset of crying, its duration, response to attempts at comfort, and the frequency or uniqueness of the episodes. It is necessary to ask parents about related events or conditions, incl. recent vaccinations, trauma (eg, falls), contact with siblings, infections, drug use, and the association of crying with feeding and bowel movements.

The review of systems focuses on symptoms of causative disorders, including constipation, diarrhea, vomiting, arching of the back, explosive and bloody stools (gastrointestinal disorders); fever, cough, wheezing, nasal congestion and difficulty breathing (respiratory infection), and obvious pain during bathing or changing a diaper (trauma).

Medical history should include previous episodes of crying and conditions that may predispose to crying (eg, heart disease, history of developmental delay).

Medical checkup. The examination begins with a review of vital signs, especially fever and tachypnea. During the initial observation, the infant or child is assessed for signs of lethargy or distress and notes how the parents interact with the child.

The infant or child is undressed and examined for signs of respiratory distress (eg, supraclavicular and subcostal depressions, cyanosis). The entire surface of the gel is checked for swelling, bruising and abrasions.

Auscultatory examination focuses on identifying signs of respiratory infection (eg, difficulty breathing, wheezing, decreased breath sounds) and cardiac compromise (eg, tachycardia, galloping rhythm, holosystolic murmur, systolic click). The abdomen is palpated for signs of tenderness. The diaper is removed to examine the genitals and anus for signs of testicular torsion (eg, red-ecchymotic scrotum, pain on palpation), penile hair, inguinal hernia (eg, swelling in the groin or scrotum), and anal fissures.

The extremities are checked for signs of fracture (eg, swelling, erythema, tenderness, pain with passive movement). Fingers and toes - for the presence of hair strands.

The ears are checked for signs of injury (such as blood in the canal or behind the eardrum) or infection (such as a red bulging eardrum). Corneas are stained with fluorescein and examined under blue light to rule out corneal abrasion, and the fundus is examined through an ophthalmoscope for signs of bleeding. (If retinal hemorrhage is suspected, examination by an ophthalmologist is recommended.) The oropharynx is examined for signs of thrush or oral abrasion. The skull is carefully palpated to identify a fracture.

Warning signs. The following symptoms are of particular concern:

• respiratory failure,
• bruises and abrasions,
• extreme irritability,
• fever and inconsolability (meningitis),
• fever in an older child<6 недель.

Interpretation of results. A high index of suspicion is warranted when assessing crying. Parental concern is an important variable. If there is great concern, the clinician must be cautious even in the absence of conclusive evidence, since parents may be reacting subconsciously to subtle but

significant changes. Conversely, very low levels of concern, especially in the absence of parental interaction with the infant or child, may indicate a bonding problem or an inability to assess and manage the child's needs. Inconsistency between the history and clinical presentation should raise concerns about possible violence.

It is useful to distinguish between common concerns. For example, in the presence of fever, an infectious etiology is most likely; respiratory distress without fever indicates a possible cardiac etiology or pain. A history of bowel movements or abdominal pain on examination is consistent with a gastrointestinal etiology. Specific symptoms often suggest specific causes.

Setting a time frame for crying is also helpful. Crying that is intermittent over a period of days is less disturbing than sudden and constant crying. It is helpful to know if the screaming only occurs at certain times of the day or night. For example, recent onset of nighttime crying in an otherwise content, healthy infant or child may be associated with night terrors or constipation.

The nature of the cry is also indicative. Parents can often distinguish between a cry that is painful in nature and one that is reckless or fearful. It is important to determine visual acuity. An inconsolable baby or child requires more attention than a healthy baby or child who is easily comforted.

Testing. Testing is aimed at identifying a possible cause and focuses on potential life-threatening conditions unless the history and physical examination are sufficient to establish a diagnosis. If there is little or no specific clinical evidence and if testing is not immediately indicated, careful observation and re-evaluation may be appropriate.

Treatment of crying in children

The underlying organic disorder must be treated. Support and encouragement are important for parents when the infant or child does not have an obvious underlying condition. Swaddling your baby in the first months of life can be helpful. Carrying in your arms and responding to crying as quickly as possible helps reduce the duration of the cry. For parents who are worried about their baby's crying, an important incentive is to take a break from the crying baby and put him down in a safe environment for a few minutes. Educating parents and “giving permission” to rest is helpful in preventing violence. Providing help to parents who seem overwhelmed can prevent future problems.

Parents sometimes wish their children would not cry at all. Why does a child cry, and how to calm him down? Crying is the only way for a baby to signal to adults.

When our beloved child begins to make the first “aha,” we are so happy about it that we perceive each new sound as a small holiday, and when the baby begins to speak, it is generally a whole event.

But, alas, not only heart-pleasing sounds come from children’s lips. Children sometimes, or maybe too sometimes, cry, and it’s even worse if they whine. It seems that the child is well-fed, dry, and well-rested, but for some reason he is still dissatisfied with life.

In older children it is still possible to somehow find out the reasons, but in very young children it is unlikely that it will be possible to find out the reasons for whining...

A child never cries just like that. There will always be a reason. If parents manage to understand the reason for crying and meet the child's needs, the crying will stop. But sometimes it is impossible to console the baby in any way; adults try to offer the baby anything, but the crying does not stop.

If a child is constantly crying, it is incredibly difficult for parents to remain calm. Constant crying turns parents on: it seems that the child is crying simply out of spite. Parents forget that the child cannot stop crying until they understand what he needs.

The parents become even more tense and the baby cries even more. Below we will try to find the answer to the question - why does a child cry.

Reasons for a baby's crying

Hunger

Hunger is the simplest reason why a child cries. In such cases, there is a sudden cry or frantic crying with outstretched arms and redness of the face.

Pain

From the first minutes of life, a child’s crying causes pain, but it can be difficult to understand whether a child is crying from pain or from something else. Frequent crying and screaming of the baby may indicate some kind of disease.

Nervous system overload

A crying attack in a newborn can be caused by too strong stimuli. An unexpected loud sound, a sudden harsh light, a sharp or bitter taste, the touch of cold hands, tossing or squeezing.

What will become a strong irritant depends on the physical condition and mood of the child. The baby will be happy to play with you when he is full, does not want to sleep and is quite happy with life.

But if the child is hungry, irritated by something or wants to sleep, the same game can cause crying.

Changing clothes

Sometimes a child starts crying while changing clothes, and some parents think that they are somehow awkward doing this. In fact, most babies cry because they have lost their clothes.

The child may simply not like it when the air directly touches the skin. The screaming stops when the child is changed.

Cooling or overheating

The baby cries when he is wet. Urine irritates his skin. Cry about it, you whiner. It gets stronger, sometimes weaker, but it doesn’t stop. Crying may be accompanied by hiccups, as wet diapers can cause the baby to become cold.

If you change the diapers and cover the baby warmly, he will calm down.

The child cries when overheated. Then the child whines, scatters his arms and legs, the skin turns red, and prickly heat may appear.

A baby cries when he is cold. This crying begins with a sudden cry, which gradually turns into a quiet, prolonged whimper, accompanied by movements of the arms and legs, and hiccups.

Tight swaddling

Crying associated with the fact that the baby is being squeezed by some kind of clothing begins with a quiet whimper, then it gradually turns into a cry of protest, continues in the form of quiet crying, and is accompanied by an attempt to change the position of the body.

Why is the baby crying

Why does a baby roll up when crying?

If a child rolls up when crying, it means he has the highest nervous excitement of a negative manifestation. Typically, an attack occurs if the child cries a lot, and a sharp spasm of the laryngeal muscles occurs after a deep exhalation.

Holding your breath stops the supply of oxygen to the brain. The child may lose consciousness; this is a kind of protection of the body from lack of oxygen. Oxygen consumption decreases significantly when a person is unconscious.

Often such conditions occur in children due to a lack of calcium. Calcium promotes spasm of the larynx. If these conditions occur frequently, it is important to consult a doctor, as this may be caused by a more serious condition.

Why does a child cry after sleep?

Perhaps he has a stuffy nose, he is forced to breathe through his mouth, while the oral mucosa dries out, and he is thirsty. Perhaps he was just hungry.

Why does a child cry in his sleep?

In a dream, a child may simply want to eat. He may be lying in an uncomfortable position or he may have had a bad dream. If the baby is sick and in pain.

Why does a baby cry while feeding?

If a child cries during feeding, this may be due to an inflammatory process in the oral mucosa or inflammation of the middle ear. In the latter case, the crying is especially loud and shrill, often occurring at night, without connection with feeding.

Why does a baby cry after feeding?

If a baby cries after feeding, he may have swallowed too much air and the pain comes from distension of the stomach. Unfortunately, this air penetrates the intestines, causing prolonged crying, during which the baby twists his legs, wrinkles his forehead and closes his eyes. When there is pain in the tummy, there are short breaks between short, piercing screams.

Here are some other possible reasons why a child is crying (we are not talking about a sick child): teething, a strong smell is irritating, perhaps mom’s perfume or new shower gel, had a vaccination the day before, does not like to dress, bathe, or God knows what else . The weather is changing, clothes are uncomfortable, woolen socks are itching, the blanket “bites”. Extraneous sound from behind a wall or from the street, or maybe just a TV in the room

This, of course, is not the entire list, but as you understand, a child, like any adult, has the right to be in a bad mood, and nothing can be done about it.

How to calm a child if he is crying

If you have checked everything, the child is well-fed and healthy, dry and well-rested, perhaps he lacks your attention. Even infants don’t really like being awake alone in their crib; they need companionship.

Place your baby in the sling in the fetal position and go about your household chores. If the baby was simply bored, he will instantly calm down and will carefully watch you (maybe he will learn to iron his own shirts).

If the reason for the crying was different, your rocking movements will help him forget about all the troubles, and he will simply fall asleep. If this doesn’t work out, then you can dance with your baby together, stomp, run, perform all sorts of movements, exercise on a simulator, and at some point you will realize that the baby has calmed down.

Only one thing, BUT! There is no need to shake the child like a pear, this has a bad effect on his brain.

Distract your child by playing, or simply looking at the street from the window: a car has driven by - it’s taking bread to the store, a cat has run by - it’s running to its kittens, and there! Look what's there!

The baby will cry and get involved in looking at the landscape outside the window. Sing a song, in the end, maybe the baby will be so surprised by your singing that he will immediately stop crying.

“Chat” the child. The point is to prevent your baby from interjecting into your endless conversation. Say what you see: mom came, brought milk, our dad went somewhere, to the store, probably, our soup is boiling on the stove, he’ll run away now.

And if all this is said without stopping, there will simply be no place for children’s crying.

So which calming method was right for your child? Tell us…

Your child often cries, but you see no reason for this. Believe me, this doesn't happen. There is always a reason for tears. You will learn about why a baby may cry, how to find out the reason, how to prevent tearfulness, from the wonderful book of practicing child psychiatrist Alevtina Lugovskaya. Using her advice and recommendations, you will not only change your baby’s character, but also learn how to become both a mother and a true friend.

Chapter 1. Why is the baby crying?

Let's first, dear parents, figure out what baby crying is and what can cause it. Finding out this is important, because only by knowing the roots of tears can both be eliminated. And I also want to say that parents who, not understanding why a child endlessly sheds tears, think wrongly and therefore consider crying to be causeless. Believe me, this doesn't happen.

Crying is a signal that occurs reflexively in infants due to feelings of hunger, thirst, desire to sleep and the urge to recover naturally. Subsequently, crying signals any unpleasant, unbearable feeling that reaches the level of affect: acute anxiety and fear, sadness and melancholy, irritation and excitement.

The various functions of crying - whim (hysteria), protest, request, demand, complaint (resentment), crying-signal, crying-release - constitute a complex psychological structure, that is, a kind of language.

For outsiders, a child's crying is an unpleasant irritant. Mom always knows how to catch notes in it that indicate what her baby wants. If adults try to use any means to stop a child’s crying, they risk not only increasing the distance between themselves and him, but also erecting a real wall of indifference and misunderstanding.

However, there are children who clearly cry more than others. They shed tears for every reason: sympathizing with their favorite fairy tale characters or seeing a dead butterfly, hearing screams and loud voices, experiencing physical pain or entering into conflict with someone.

Crying is a strong mental experience, a kind of emotional shock that occurs against the background of previous tension, excitement or inhibition.

It can be the result of a release of tension, like an overflowing thundercloud from which rain pours down. The relief experienced after crying to some extent helps to improve mood, thus representing a means of regulating emotional tone.

Sometimes crying indicates a limitation of vital interests and needs that the child cannot reconcile with, a humiliation of his self-esteem, insult and resentment. Often it arises as a way of attracting the attention of parents, as a kind of request for help, intervention, or resolution of one or another troubling problem. For emotionally indifferent parents, the baby's cry in this case reaches the gradation of a cry of despair, as if calling on them to be more responsive to him. He thus complains about the one who offended him, about his poor health, pain, and inability to realize his desires.

Many parents complain about the restless behavior of their children: whims, irritability, tears over every little thing, turning into hysterics when the child falls to the floor and starts kicking or kicking. We must try to find out the reason for this behavior and try to eliminate it.

Especially often, a mother is alarmed by the inexplicable cry of an infant. In such cases, if you are convinced that there is no visible reason for concern, and the doctor, having examined him, concluded that he is healthy, you should not run up to him at his every cry, pick him up and please him, feed him at the wrong time, just to calm him down. . Otherwise, the baby will get used to the fact that by screaming he can achieve everything he wants. Incorrect techniques will only calm him for a short time.

Let's start with the fact that when we cry in the first years of our life, the baby expresses natural needs, that is, he wants to eat, drink, relieve himself, or he is uncomfortable in wet clothes. The child does not yet know how to speak and expresses all his desires through crying, thereby attracting the attention of his parents.

Later, when the baby learns to pronounce his first words and, it would seem, should already express his desires with them, he still cries and is capricious if he wants something. This happens reflexively, because the subconscious contains information about this method of fulfilling desires.

Nervous irritability often arises in him if he persistently demands the impossible. Sometimes he doesn’t need this object at all, he’s just used to getting his way with screams and tears.

It is also possible that already at an early age a child is taught to be calm and cheerful only in the presence of adults. He feels comfortable only when someone is nearby and they pay attention to him. And this is undesirable, as it is fraught with unpleasant consequences.

If the baby does not find something to do and feels the need for direct contact with his parents, he can express his desire in order to attract the attention of adults by crying, whining, complaining about various misfortunes and thus achieve his goal. If he is very small, they will pick him up and try to calm him down, that is, they will show him some attention.

Communication means a lot to a baby. Those parents who pay enough attention to this do the right thing. But you shouldn’t indulge and fulfill all your whims: give everything you ask, constantly take him in your arms and constantly be near him, throwing away all your affairs and worries.

Around the sixth week of life, often when evening falls, the baby begins to cry, writhe, and show signs of illness. At the same time, he is clean, he has drunk enough water, he is not hot... This condition is called “evening restlessness.” Don't be alarmed. This often happens, but passes, as it corresponds to the phase of restless awakening, which disappears by the third month of life. He has no other way to discharge the tension accumulated during the day, and he discharges himself in this way. Consider these to be the difficulties of a newborn adjusting to the rhythms of day and night.

When a baby starts teething, he becomes very irritable and whiny. Teething is a very painful process: the gums swell, itch and hurt, saliva runs heavily, and the temperature rises.

Crying can also be a consequence of an emotional disorder, when the baby is afraid or is unable to express his feelings and desires out loud. This is possible when in contact with strangers, people unfamiliar to him. Often on the street or in transport we hear the following expressions: “Stop squealing, otherwise I’ll give you to your uncle!” or “If you kick your aunt, she will take you with her!”

Usually such threats produce a negative result. But there are children with a very sensitive and vulnerable psyche; such warnings make a very strong impression on them and cause fear. And the words “Come on, come on, I’ll take her to my place!” can cause panic at the prospect of spending your whole life in the company of strangers. After all, the baby takes everything said at face value.

Such threats develop in children a persistent rejection of strangers, and in the future they feel free and at ease only in familiar surroundings, in the circle of loved ones and relatives.

If the baby is cold or hot, and he doesn’t know how to say it, he naturally starts crying. He also expresses his emotions when he gets into his pants. Of course, who would like to walk around in wet clothes! And the baby loudly calls for correction of annoying misunderstandings.

Irritability, tears and whims are sometimes the result of an overload of impressions when you take him shopping, visiting, walking in the park, going to the zoo or riding on carousels, where there are a lot of people and noise. Kids react differently to noise and large crowds of people: some quickly get used to it, while others are very afraid and may even get sick as a result.

The baby does not want to go to bed, so he begins to be capricious and cry. All your tenderness may not be enough if the child does not want to go to bed; his crying fills every corner of the house. Resolving this situation will require a lot of patience. Such crying should be treated as a process of gradual re-education, like breaking the habit of a bad habit.

Children, like adults, also have dreams. But since the child cannot yet find an explanation for many objects and phenomena, they naturally frighten him. As you know, we most often have dreams related to previous events. And if he dreams of something unfamiliar, incomprehensible, this causes his fear and, as a result, tears. In other words, the baby had a nightmare.

He may cry not only because of a bad dream. There is a lot in the world that the child does not yet know and cannot explain, hence the strong fear, and the baby begins to cry to the point of hysteria and painful spasms.

When a child gets sick and cannot explain what hurts him, he begins to cry in pain, be capricious, refuse to eat, and sleep restlessly.

In the first years of his life, he is under constant supervision of a local doctor. It is very important that he is not afraid of his visit. Usually children associate a white coat with pain, injections, an unpleasant sensation when they listen to it or look at the neck, and they begin to cry, even to the point of hysteria, resist, fight, do not allow the doctor to do an examination, and push away his hands.

Crying is a natural reaction if a baby falls or gets hit. Of course it hurts him. Children generally take their failures very seriously. Even if he hit himself slightly, he will still make a whole tragedy out of it, because it is important for him that they pay attention to him, sympathize with him and feel sorry for him.

Sometimes children do not want to wear what their parents offer them - and again there are whims, tears and other actions, including throwing away clothes.

Not all children quickly get used to kindergarten. Sometimes it takes a lot of effort and patience to adapt to a new environment and get used to other children. After all, the child considered it natural that his mother should always be with him. Finding himself in an unfamiliar environment and losing sight of his parents, the baby gets scared and begins to look for them, expressing his dissatisfaction by crying.

He may cry if he is hurt by other children. For example, he was pushed, a toy was not shared, a book with interesting pictures was taken away...

By crying, he expresses dissatisfaction when something doesn’t work out for him. For example, a child tried to put on socks on his own, but unsuccessfully. The toe turns over, the foot does not want to get into it. The baby begins to get nervous and cry, as if attracting the attention of adults to help him.

In the first years, children sweat a lot and wear diapers or onesies. All this negatively affects the condition of their skin. Therefore, it is very important to bathe them regularly. But not everyone likes water procedures and expresses their dissatisfaction by screaming and crying, organizing “concerts”, attracting the attention of not only family and friends, but even neighbors who listen in bewilderment to the loud screams behind the wall and painfully wonder what they are doing to them. a child, since he cries so hysterically.

Tears may be the result of punishment. In general, they greatly influence the mental development of the child. He can withdraw and become embittered, as he sees connections between his behavior and punishment, assessing it only as violence from adults.

Punishment for no reason seems especially offensive to a child when he is not at all to blame. For example, while walking, someone pushed him into the mud, naturally, he got dirty, got scared and burst into tears. Arriving home, he looks for sympathy from his mother, and she starts yelling at him because she will have to do the laundry again. She didn’t understand the situation and didn’t ask him about how it happened. As a result, the child, crying and offended, stands in the corner, serving his punishment.

A crying child, being in a state of passion, does not perceive comments, advice, orders well, which means that it is useless to educate while crying. It is unacceptable to punish him when he is crying, since he can easily forget what he was punished for, and the very state of crying is inherently a punishment for him.

There is a common belief that children's tears are easy to dry. Indeed, the duration of the emotional state in children under five years of age is relatively short, but the strength of emotions is not inferior to, and sometimes even exceeds, a similar state in adults.

The grief of a child over the loss of a beloved kitten is no less great than the grief of an adult who has lost a loved one. And it’s simply impossible to brush him off in such a situation, even if he forgets about it in two weeks. What about the fear of being abandoned in the kindergarten locker room? Adults think that 15 minutes will not change anything, and they are wrong.

Experiences and emotions require a lot of energy, so don’t oversaturate your baby’s day with a complex of events, even pleasant ones. This can cause unexpected vomiting, fussiness, tearfulness, and sleep disturbances.

Chapter 2. What should parents do?

You can’t ignore the crying of your son or daughter at all. This can cause irreparable damage to trust in adults. When the crying is clearly hysterical, the best thing is not to reinforce it with increased attention, but to provide an opportunity for the release of nervous tension. In other cases, crying should be dealt with, which is only possible with confidential contact and a guarantee of no punishment.

First of all, the baby cries, expressing natural needs. This is very easy to find out by offering him something to eat or drink. He cries and says that his diaper or clothes are wet. Check and change them. An older child may be asking to use the potty. Acting in such a situation is as easy as shelling pears: put him on the potty and stay with him, distract him with conversation or show him a toy.

He may cry if he is hot or, conversely, cold. You will determine this by the condition of his skin: the skin will be wet, sweaty if he is hot, and cool, with pimples (goose bumps) if the baby is cold. Having found out the reason, try to eliminate it. In general, it is very undesirable for children to overheat; this is worse for them than cold. Don’t make him a sissy, don’t wrap him up, turning him into cabbage, this will lead to diseases faster.

Tearfulness and moodiness are most often the result of illness. He may cry out because his tummy hurts or he has been missing stool for more than the allotted time. To eliminate discomfort, use a light abdominal massage. The massage is performed clockwise with stroking movements. Make sure your hands are warm, use baby cream to better glide your hands over his body.

If there is no effect, remove the gases. To do this, place the baby on his left side and bend his legs, pressing them to his tummy. You can use another method - insert a gas outlet tube. The last resort, if there is no positive result, is an enema. Place the baby on his left side and give him an enema with warm boiled water.

If any serious illness occurs, do not self-medicate under any circumstances, because you do not know what the child is sick with. Call your local doctor at home. The first symptoms of the disease, as a rule, are lethargy, drowsiness, and refusal to eat. Pay attention to the condition of the skin, look at the neck, check the stool. Be sure to measure your body temperature.

As you know, when a child is sick, his appetite decreases, so do not force feed him, do not give him as much food as possible. Another important point: even if the baby is sick, do not force him in bed. Since constant stay in bed is accompanied by crying due to the reluctance to lie down, know that the baby will spend no less energy on tears than on walking.

Dress it appropriately for the temperature, but in no case should you dress half of your wardrobe - overheating is very dangerous for children, especially when they are sick.

It often happens that even after recovery a nervous and tearful state persists. Be patient. Do not respond to him with your irritation and screams, but first of all, take care of strict adherence to the established regime in accordance with the condition and age of the child: put him to bed on time, feed him properly and spend time in the fresh air more often. Give your child as much care and affection as possible, because even an adult, when sick, requires increased attention. Try to distract him from the consequences that the disease has led to (weakness, imbalance), do not disturb his usual routine, this can only do harm.

The child cries, is capricious, and does not want to go to the doctor. First of all, you need to talk to him, explain why you are going to the clinic and how this visit will go. The relationship between the child and the doctor develops through the parents, because it is they who bring him to the appointment, explain the reason for the visit, the symptoms of the disease. Therefore, it is very important to explain to him that there is nothing terrible in such a visit, that he will not be hurt there. Under no circumstances should you frighten a child with injections or going to the hospital. Imagine that you can instill in your child fear and hostility towards people in white coats for the rest of his life.

The child is capricious, cries, and does not want to go to bed. Of course, from the first days of his life he got used to your constant presence, he doesn’t want to part, leave his toys and go to bed. He needs you to be around for a while. Sit on the edge of the bed, tell him some good story, fairy tale, read a book or just look at pictures with him. You can quietly sing a song or just talk about your day.

This will allow the baby to finish his day calmly. Ask him about what interesting things happened, share your affairs with him, but do it in a way that he can understand. His favorite toy should be nearby so he can reach it. After all, children love to sleep with toys. At this moment, you should give your baby maximum attention and affection, as this is very important for him and for you and helps strengthen your relationship.

Sometimes the baby, on the contrary, is capricious because he wants to sleep, but cannot fall asleep. Soothe him, caress him, give him a relaxing massage. Stay with him a little, try to get him to sleep.

To teach your baby to go to bed voluntarily, the first step is to calm him down. Let him cry for a few minutes, then go over and cuddle him. Gradually increase the time gap before visiting him when he begins to cry. Over time, he will understand that he was not abandoned when he sleeps, his loving parents are nearby. You will let him know that you love him, that you are always with him. This way he will calm down, get used to it and fall asleep without whims.

If your baby refuses to eat, do not force-feed him or yell at him. Be patient. Tell me what you need to eat to grow big and healthy, like your dad; Place the toy on the table and “feed” it, alternating one spoon for the doll, the other for him. There is another well-known way - to eat a spoon for each family member: for dad, for mom, for grandma...

Your baby does not like and does not want to bathe. What to do in such a situation? First of all, try to explain to him why this is being done. Tell us how important it is to keep your body clean. Remember the fairy tale “Moidodyr” about a boy from whom all his clothes ran away because he was dirty. Remind him how sick he has been lately, and try to convince him that if he takes a bath, he will never get sick.

Use a variety of washable toys. Now there are many wind-up waterfowl toys that can distract him while swimming. Blow soap bubbles together. The most important thing is that you should be nearby; under no circumstances leave the baby alone in the bathroom, because he may not only choke, but also be very frightened by the water.

Sometimes the reluctance to bathe is due to soap or shampoo getting into the eyes. He continues to have unpleasant sensations, so he begins to cry. Use special detergents for children that will not cause irritation if they come into contact with the eyes.

The baby becomes stubborn and does not want to get dressed, begins to get nervous, cry, and throw his clothes around. Find out why he is protesting. Maybe he wants to wear his favorite thing, let him make the choice himself, if possible. Or, after showing the item, interest her in some pattern, say that the blouse or pants are beautiful, warm and comfortable.

Sometimes a baby doesn't like clothes because he feels uncomfortable in them, but he can't express it in words. If you go outside and your child objects to a warm jacket, explain that it is cold outside and show that you will also dress warmly. But under no circumstances should you start shouting or forcefully dress the child. This will negatively affect your future relationships.

The baby grows, develops, learns, and acquires some skills. When something doesn’t work out for him, he may burst into tears and throw objects and toys around. In this case, when we cry, he calls on you for help, since he cannot cope on his own. Find out what he wants. Help him do this, but don't yell at him, and certainly don't help him silently. It might look something like this: “Let me help you. I’ll show you how to do it, and you can repeat it” or “Let’s do it together.”

The child does not want to go to a nursery or kindergarten. Keep in mind that he finds himself in an unfamiliar environment and the period of adaptation can be very different - some people get used to it very quickly, while others will need more time. After all, the baby is deprived of your presence and is very afraid to be left in an unfamiliar environment without you.

Explain to him why you are sending him to kindergarten. Try to convince him that you are doing this not to get rid of him, not because you are tired of him, you are tired or you have more important things to do, but to help him spend his time more interesting and richer.

In order for the baby to adapt faster, effort and patience are needed. Under no circumstances should you force a child into kindergarten, yell at him or scare him that you won’t take him home if he doesn’t stop crying. Try to ensure that going to kindergarten does not become a psychological trauma for him, but, on the contrary, turns out to be a joyful event. He should be prepared for this in advance.

Arriving at kindergarten, the child should already have the skills to wash himself, dress independently, and sit on the potty. Therefore, instill in him the necessary household skills in advance so that he has more time for games and does not have annoying problems associated with the inability to do something on his own.

Tell us more about the kindergarten and what the child will do there. Be sure to tell him that he is already big and you are proud of him, because now he can go to kindergarten, just like you can go to work.

Try to convince him that they won’t hurt you in the kindergarten, that there are other children and toys there. You can take his favorite toy with you to make him feel calmer, since a piece of home and everything he is used to is with him. Don't run away as soon as you bring your baby. Slowly undress him and lead him by the hand into the group, interest him in something so that the baby is distracted.

There are children who cannot get used to kindergarten for a very long time; they are afraid to go there, resist, and cry. In a group, they hide in a corner, don’t play with anyone, and avoid teachers. First of all, try to talk with the child, establish the reason, maybe the teachers treat him badly or are offended by other children?

In kindergarten, during communication, children, like adults, may experience conflict situations. Most often this happens because of toys. They may push him, offend him, or take away the toy he wanted to play with. Talk to him and, having found out the reason, try to eliminate it, but this does not mean that you urgently need to transfer the baby to another nursery or kindergarten. Be patient, act gradually, ask him in detail about what he did and who he played with. All this will help him believe that he will be fine in kindergarten, and he can play perfectly well with other children before his mother arrives.

As you know, children are very fond of outdoor games, they love to run around and very often fall and get dirty. You can’t punish or shout for this. This is natural for his age and very useful for his development. Imagine what will happen to a child if he sits quietly on a chair, losing his usual mobility? Muscle weakness may develop, he will be more prone to diseases, and lag behind his peers.

If your baby falls, gets hit hard, or scrapes his knees, don’t yell at him, he’s already scared. Try to calm down, distract, and carefully treat the wounds. Explain that it is not so scary and will heal soon.

If the baby is “overloaded” with impressions, it is difficult for him to understand and perceive the large amount of information received, to “digest” it, he begins to be capricious and cry. You need to talk to him about his impressions, try to find out what annoys him or, conversely, interests him. If he doesn’t understand something, don’t brush it off, try to explain it to him so that he understands.

Under no circumstances should you frighten or deceive a child. The shock caused by fear can have a detrimental effect on his psyche; he may begin to stutter, twitch, and be afraid of the dark, loud sounds, or a room in which no one is present. If the baby is capricious and crying, do not under any circumstances scare him with wolves, witches and other scary characters, this can lead to the development of mental illness.

Sometimes a baby may cry because he is simply bored. Try to cheer him up. Offer him something to do, do something together. Get your child interested. Look at a picture book, play something, and ultimately just talk to him. Very often, parents brush off their children, citing their fatigue and busyness. All this can end quite badly. He will withdraw into himself, harbor a grudge, and you risk losing not only his trust, but also the child as a person.

There is no simple and universal recipe here. However, we can say with confidence that sensitivity and vulnerability are signs of the mental makeup of such children, properties of their nervous system. You cannot change these innate characteristics at will. Moreover, such means of educational influence as persuasion, reproaches, punishment, shouting, ridicule will not help here, and will most likely even bring a negative result. Any violent measures will cause an increase in tension and anxiety, will further weaken the baby’s nervous system, and will take away strength and self-confidence.

Even the most loving parents will not be able to protect their child from life’s troubles, because you cannot keep your child under a glass bell all the time. Therefore, the simplest tactic in dealing with such children is not to get annoyed by their crying. But being with them is the best way to calm them down. Let him feel that you are ready to help him, because this is so important to him.

Try to switch his attention to something else, give him some specific task so that it interests the baby and, of course, is within his power.

In short, the most important thing that is required from parents is patience. Do not forget that high emotional sensitivity is closely related to responsiveness, kindness, cordiality, willingness to help, to defend the weak, and these are very valuable human qualities!

Therefore, no matter how strange it may sound, listen to the child’s cry, delve into its meaning, and do not try to interrupt it as quickly as possible, to dry the child’s tears. Crying and tears are the language of children's communication, so do not be deaf to it just because you have forgotten how to speak it yourself.

If a child is afraid of strangers, of course, he expresses this through tears. Fear of strangers is a typical form of maladjusted behavior in a child. It is at this time that he very urgently needs your support, understanding, and protection. A calm, friendly family atmosphere helps relieve stress and makes it quite easy to cope with the problem.

The child’s world is still mostly limited to the walls of the house, courtyard or kindergarten, so the appearance of an unfamiliar face makes the child wary. If a stranger behaves harmlessly from his point of view, for example, does not touch his toys, does not grab his parents in his arms, the wariness gradually disappears. Otherwise, it can develop into panic fear and even persistent phobia.

It’s good when parents are understanding about this problem. This means that they will not allow themselves to commit violence against a child just for the sake of demonstrating to their friends their achievements in the field of educating the younger generation.

If your baby is crying, do not rush to call a doctor or stuff him with pills and mixtures, just pat him on the head. The mother's warm, soft hands touched the baby, stroked the back, tummy, chest, lingered a little longer on the forehead, and the baby calmed down.

Amazing effect, right? But this is nothing unusual. It has been known since ancient times that massage has a calming effect, especially if it is done by the mother. She seems to convey her warmth and calmness to the baby, and he stops crying and being capricious. By showing maximum patience and attention, in the future you will be rewarded for this with the health and well-being of your child.

Chapter 3. Mom + baby = friendship

How to gain a child's trust? How to get him to open up? Parents ask themselves this question very often, but sometimes, unfortunately, it is too late, when it is very difficult to regain lost trust, respect and authority.

First of all, there is no need to lose this trust. After all, from the very first days of his existence, the baby sees his protection in you and always runs to his mother when someone offends him or something doesn’t work out for him. So do not rush to disrupt the physical and emotional unity that arises between you and your child. Smile, talk to your baby, and it doesn’t matter that he doesn’t understand the meaning of your words, the main thing for him is that you communicate with him, the intonation with which you pronounce the words matters.

The unity established between you and the baby from the very first days of his existence will, of course, change over time, but will still remain the unity of mother and child, only transformed into a new, meaningful quality. You will get rid of many problems if you become not only a mother to him, but also a friend.

A child is able to feel and understand whether he is loved, whether he is happy, and whether he is treated with respect. This means that it is not enough to tell him that he is loved, he must fully find confirmation of this, so that it does not turn out that you tell him about your love, but in fact he feels very lonely.

Deception leads to the child gradually losing trust in adults, because he expects danger at any moment. Constant vigilance unnerves him, makes him fearful and whiny. Under no circumstances should you fraudulently obtain anything from him.

For example, if mom went to the store, and dad says that mom will be back soon and bring something sweet, the baby starts running from window to window in anticipation. And when mother finally comes and does not bring the sweets promised by father, he becomes disappointed and cries out of resentment. If this happens repeatedly, the baby will stop trusting you.

The lack of maternal love and attention leads to the fact that the baby withdraws into himself and becomes lonely next to loved ones. But childhood loneliness is a pretty scary thing. Parents are engaged in solving their problems: career, finances, personal life, leaving the child to his own devices, limiting the relationship with him exclusively to issues of care.

Communication with peers is very important. And if the child is embarrassed to make contact with other children, he needs help. Adult help is invaluable here. He needs to be introduced to other children by name, asked what they are playing and whether they will accept another participant. Usually among the guys there is always someone who takes the newcomer under his wing and helps him get used to the new company.

But sometimes it happens that they can offend him, call him names, or come up with an offensive nickname for him. After such incidents, the child withdraws, preferring loneliness.

It may turn out that his own misconduct, which caused severe emotional stress, made him unsociable. While playing with other children, the baby could inadvertently drop his friend or get hit by a snowball... The sight of blood and inconsolable sobs can have a strong impact on the baby’s psyche. As a result, he gives up his usual games, does not communicate with friends, does not go outside, sits at home for hours, and responds to all persuasion with a stream of tears.

In this case, you cannot persuade him or swear. You can help him restore his peace of mind by talking and explaining the situation so that his guilt complex dissipates.

The busyness of modern adults is one of the signs of our time, when parents manage, in addition to their main job, to run part-time jobs, have two jobs, and take work home. What if a child is raised by a single mother? Here the issue of raising a normal, full-fledged person is very acute.

The decision to have a child is associated with the acceptance by adults of responsibility for its fate. But it is by no means wrong to consider oneself the root cause of everything that happens to him. The child is able to take responsibility for his actions. Once you ask him to do something himself, he will understand that he must be responsible for his actions. Endless instructions and parting words, and even more so, complaints and lamentations after his unseemly act, will lead him to aggression.

To understand your child, change his behavior, establish contact or regain lost trust, you must first change yourself. Open your eyes. After all, you were used to forbidding him from everything and demanded unconditional submission. It's convenient for you. But try to understand that the child has his own “I”, his own affairs, aspirations, needs, independence. Once you realize this, you will be able to soberly assess your relationship with him.

Analyze your behavior, your attitude towards the baby, every gesture, word, action, put yourself in his place, and this will allow you to establish mutual understanding.

It is important to understand that education is cooperation, interaction, mutual influence, mutual enrichment (emotional, moral, spiritual, intellectual) between adults and the child.

In order to successfully raise a child, parents must certainly correct their behavior, engage in self-education, and not set bad examples. If you want to get him to unquestioningly fulfill your demands, which you don’t actually follow yourself, this will only be possible through coercive measures: the child will fulfill the demands formally, out of fear of punishment. This fear ultimately gives rise to deception, hypocrisy, cunning...

Do we understand our children? To understand a person means to see the reasons for his actions, to explain the motives that prompted him to act in a certain way. To learn to understand, it is necessary to reduce the excessive demands that he simply cannot fulfill.

You can explain a child’s behavior by analyzing the conditions under which his development occurs. If a child is constantly shouted at or used physical punishment, he will most likely develop a need to avoid such shocks and, as a result, such negative traits as deceitfulness, timidity, distrust, aggressiveness will appear...

If the child was protected from work and adults did everything for him, the child becomes lazy, weak-willed, will avoid any business, which means he will pretend, ingratiate himself, deceive, deceive.

Another option is when the baby was simply spoiled: they bought expensive things and toys, and did not deny him anything. Such a child develops exorbitant claims, but at the same time the inability to take care of things and appreciate the work put into them. Remember that the lack of communication cannot be filled with expensive toys, things, or unquestioning fulfillment of all his desires.

The baby’s intelligence, thinking, ability to worry, and interest in knowledge will develop poorly if you haven’t read books to him or talked to him a little. After all, intellectual inclinations are laid in early childhood, so communicate with him, teach him to love books, but do not force him to read - you will get the opposite, negative effect.

Sometimes parents are very zealous in their children's education. From an early age they hire tutors, send him to prestigious kindergartens and educational institutions with special interests, load him up with music schools, dances, etc. But somehow they forget to ask him whether he likes all this. Please note that a very small number of children enjoy singing, dancing, and music.

Don't overload your baby with things he isn't interested in. Try to find out his passions and choose an appropriate activity. Give him the right to choose, the right to decide for himself what to do.

Develop your children's abilities from early childhood. Awaken attention in their souls, arouse ideas and observation. To do this, use a variety of objects, teach them to describe them, talk about their purpose. Develop mental abilities that will help your child find himself in the future.

To develop a sense of love and compassion in your child, you can get a pet. He will proudly tell everyone that he has a hamster or a kitten. Show your child how to properly care for him, what to feed him, and how to handle him in general. If you notice that he is offending the animal, explain that it is also alive and in pain. Tell them that the animal has lost its parents, it is very lonely, and it needs someone to take care of it.

Teach him to take care of the animal himself, and you will see what the result will be. This will instill in him not only a love for nature and animals, but will help him understand his importance, his necessity for someone, and relieve him of the feeling of loneliness. The child will look at your relationship with him with different eyes, which will help strengthen it.

Understand that what the baby is doing is extremely important to him, even if it seems to you that this is not the case. Let me give you an example from my practice. A young mother came to my appointment and told me: “One day my son came up to me and asked me to play with him. At that time I was watching an interesting program and explained to the baby that I was busy now and would play with him later. After some time, going into the child’s room, I saw that he was putting a toy under the bed, then taking it out and putting it back again. I called the child for lunch, to which I received the following answer: “I’m busy right now, I’ll come back later.”

The woman did not know how to react to such an answer. This happened repeatedly. I explained to the young mother that the child imitates her in everything, and, in his opinion, what he does is very important for him. Therefore, he does not understand his mother’s indignation at his behavior. After all, he was waiting for the program that was important for his mother to end. So why doesn't she want to wait?

Sometimes, in order for a child to understand what care and respect are, he himself needs to take care of someone. For example, you came home from work, you’re tired, you have a bad headache, there’s trouble at work. The kid looks at you inquisitively, wondering why you are in such a state. Ask him to bring you something to drink. Tell him, without going into details, that you were offended at work, let the child show sympathy, let him feel sorry for you. This way he will understand that you need him and cannot live without him.

If you notice your baby has a tendency to lie, try to discover the reason. Lies often arise from fear of punishment. Do not punish him too harshly, especially since corporal cruel punishment should be avoided. Try to find out why the child lied, delve into his problem. Maybe by talking to him, you will save him not only from this vice, fear, but also from other complexes.

Allow the baby to show his importance, take into account his desires (reasonable, of course!). After all, self-expression is the main, urgent need of human nature.

Allow your baby to participate in your activities, no matter what you are doing - mopping the floor or preparing breakfast. It is very important for him to feel that he is trusted to do something on an equal basis with adults. After all, children from an early age begin to imitate their parents, very quickly absorbing everything they see and hear. Involving a child in some activities not only accustoms him to work, but also brings him closer to his parents. Such a child will treat his parents and what they do with respect and understanding.

It is not necessary to entrust your child with something difficult that he is not able to cope with. Give him a task that he can complete: wash his cup, wipe the dust off the table, and finally put away his toys. Praise him, tell him that he helped you a lot and you couldn’t have done it without him.

Do not scream under any circumstances if your baby tries to do something he is unable to cope with. See how he tries to do it, help him. Tell him he's great.

If, for example, you decide to sew something for yourself, and your daughter is hanging around with a doll, involve her in your activity. Give him scraps of fabric and let him do something too. If something doesn't work out for her, help her. Don't forget about praise, because it means a lot to a child.

Or another situation: dad is making a shelf for the hallway. My little son is spinning around nearby, grabbing tools and nails and getting underfoot. Don't shoo him away, don't be afraid that he will hit his fingers with a hammer or drop a tool on his foot. Let him help, tell him that nothing will work without him. Give a task that he will happily complete and that it will be safe for him. You will see an amazing result when your son proudly tells everyone that he and his dad made a shelf.

Joint games, which bring not only pleasure, but also educational information, have a very beneficial effect on the relationship with the child. Children's games are their main occupation, but they should be directed in such a way that they stimulate the harmonious activity of all the child's mental abilities, avoiding one-sidedness.

Offer him a speed game, for example, who can assemble a pyramid faster. Of course, you should give in, and when the baby proudly shows that he was the first to do it, praise him.

By playing with your baby or doing something, you get closer to him. The child is interested in you, you are one whole.

Walking has a very beneficial effect on family relationships. You've probably often seen a picture where a baby, holding tightly to the hands of mom and dad, proudly walks along for a walk. Run with him, play some games, swing on a swing, roll in the snow or throw snowballs at a target. Walking together not only lifts your spirits and promotes better physical development of the baby, but also strengthens relationships.

Small children, it would seem, at such an unintelligent age, surprisingly subtly perceive any, including the most intimate, feelings of their parents. Under normal conditions, it is the harmonious combination of these feelings that creates a child’s feeling of confidence and happiness.

In order for mutual understanding and trust to exist between you, you must give all your love and attention to the baby, teach the child to work, respect adults, and value friendship from early childhood. Give him as much attention as possible, don’t brush off his childhood problems like an annoying fly.

Try to become a true friend to your child, and then you will see his shining eyes and understand that for him you are not just a mother, an object of adoration and admiration, reliable protection and support, you are his most faithful and reliable friend.

Child's cry. Tears. Bitter sobs. Moreover, in a seemingly empty place, at the most it is a real punishment for the parents, at the very least a test. Testing for parental competence.

How do parents react if a child likes to cry over trifles? Based on my own observations and monitoring of parent forums, I conclude that there are not so many ways. Another thing is that in most cases, the method of how to stop a child from crying for any reason is chosen intuitively by the parents or taken from the arsenal of old grandfather’s methods. And there would be nothing wrong with this if the main task was not an attempt to find the “switch off button” of a child’s crying, but the desire to understand the true reason for seemingly causeless tears.

Why look for a reason, the main thing is not to cry

In the collection of parental education methods on how to stop a child from crying for any reason, we find: ignoring tears, holding serious conversations on the topic “crying is stupid”, we give positive examples, if a boy cries, then we appeal to the fact that “real men don’t cry.” ", we visit a neurologist and arm ourselves with drugs that calm the nervous system.

Threats and manipulation such as: “If you don’t stop crying, I’ll leave you here,” “Stop crying, otherwise I won’t buy you a chocolate bar.”, switching the child’s attention: “Look at the elephants”, as well as direct physical violence and punishment, complete the picture of the measures taken by educators to solve the difficult problem of how to stop a child from crying for any reason.

Most often, parents achieve their goal: the baby stops crying, however, the price of resolving the issue remains behind the scenes. True, not for long. We will definitely reap the deplorable fruits of our upbringing mistakes, even if we have no idea what was the root cause of the child’s negative life scenario.

As you know, ignorance does not free us from the consequences of ignorance. When we do not realize what we are doing, we do not see the internal distinctive features of the child, then we cannot predict how our methods of education will work on him, how they will affect his psyche. System-vector psychology eliminates gaps in parental knowledge.

A trifle or not a trifle?

Let's start with the basics: all children are different not only in external characteristics, but also differ in internal mental properties. What is not important for one person may be the meaning of life for another person. The life values, type of thinking, and behavior of our own child can be radically different from our own. So, for example, the ordinary loss of an old toy is perceived by some parents as a trifle, tears about which, at the very least, are a waste of time. For a child, say, endowed with a visual vector, the loss of a toy is a real tragedy.

From memories

When I was a child, I had a favorite stuffed bunny, and somehow I couldn’t find it in its place. Either the brother played unsuccessfully and covered his tracks by throwing the bunny into the garbage chute, or the neighbor's children came to visit, but after a long search the toy was not found. My bunny Vasya has disappeared.

- Ah-ah-ah,- I cried.

The parents came to the screams.

- Just think, I lost a toy - what a trifle, we’ll buy a new one.

- I don’t want a new one, I want Vasya!

My parents didn’t understand what was going on in my soul, a girl with a visual vector. It was not just a toy, old and worn, it was my friend, to whom I told my fairy tales, whom I cared about, whom I loved. My parents' persuasion had no effect on me. If the words don’t reach my daughter, then let her sit alone in the room and think, the mother decided.

- As soon as you stop crying, you can go out,- she said.

I sat for a long time, crying not only from the loss of Vasya, but also from resentment. It’s good that my grandmother came to visit, she took pity on me, sympathized with my grief, and gave my parents an order:

- He’s crying, so let him cry. Don't punish her for crying.

Mom began to complain:

- So how not to punish? Doesn't understand words, cries for any reason and for no reason. I have no strength to watch.

- When he grows up, he will stop.

Vulnerable, sensitive children

Proofreader: Olga Lubova